Meet Captain Vivek Bhasin. I love his style of writing, eclectic style of dress, Mick Jagger’ joie de vivre, and fathomless, ardent love for his alma mater. We both went to a British boarding school, both of us were Lefroyans, he settles in Sweden, I in Canada, his wife is Swedish, mine is Scottish.

I thought I had seen 30 countries and that was a great achievement. Vivek has seen 110. This interview does not do justice to all his achievements. He has been mistaken for the Indian ambassador to the UK, to being mistaken for a vagabond by the New York cops.  As he leaves the corporate world as managing director of Dole Foods, I wanted to get his perspective on life.

We talk about many things but focus on women empowerment and how women have shaped our lives. Get ready for an international fondue of words, experience from someone who is larger than life.

Vivek, I am a big fan of your writing. Welcome, and please tell me something important about you?

Jerry, I super appreciate your wonderful support in my writing; a passion I developed in school, and took it forward in my journey through life.

I was at BCS Simla from the age of five. All this happened 59 years ago, but today when I look back at my life, I can never thank my parents enough. They did the right thing. I learned to fend for my self and became a survivor. I became a person with an open mind and like a sponge absorbed countries’ cultures and befriended people; an advanced education.

Perhaps in a selfish way, I would like to return to the age of five but with all my knowledge, my experience intact to try to straighten certain bends and hoops and come down the slopes with a greater appreciation of my family and thank the few friends I made .. appreciating their closeness, not just pushing forward with no real destination.

Give me some examples of how women have played an important role in your life?

Women are the essence and driving force behind men’s existentialism in this world. Emotions, love, tolerance, determination and immense strength come from women. The world is truly beautiful because of women … my mother taught me so much in the first five years of my life. It is a pure fact that women have higher IQs than men … Einstein, Beethoven, Mozart, and Shakespeare were all geniuses but if you look closely there surely were women, their mothers, wives, sisters who held them upright and never sought credence nor publicity.

My Swedish wife made me understand how important it is for women to be independent and stand on their own feet.

Swedish women play a very important role outside their domestic den and are the forerunners with clean honest road maps to make their country the best place to live. Sweden is always ranked right up in all good statistics due to their incredible woman.

Women have no egos like us men, they make larger than life sacrifices, and in today’s modern world have exalted positions of the highest order in commerce, industry, and governance.

I salute the women of the world today, tomorrow… Siempre (always).

Talk to me about the highs of being in a boarding school. What are some major keyways you learned and how you implemented it in real life?

The only school I know is my Bishop Cotton School, sitting on a spur on the mighty Himalaya founded by Bishop Cotton in 1859 on instructions by Queen Victoria; a school whose objective was an all-around upbringing of the young gentleman in academics, sports, soft skills, and etiquette. I entered that amazing institution which is affiliated to Marlborough College and Rugby School England in 1961 and passed out in 1970. It was in that school I learned the art of survival, respect, and picked up the finest traditions of a scholar and a gentleman. What was immensely evident was our School Chapel where we, from all walks of life, all strains of religion, be us Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jains, Catholic, and Protestants sought the strength of God in one voice, in harmony. I am a Hindu Punjabi but my temple is the Holy Trinity Chapel of my Bishop Cotton School. My mother asks me how many times have I been to a Hindu temple; my response is factual “Mum I have been to my Chapel 4000 times at BCS”… that for her is more than enough.

I learned the meaning of brotherhood, of blood bonding, teamwork and the building of an identity that has been my strength out in the big jungle of an unforgiving world. 

How has marriage changed you? What has surprised you the most about it?

My wife is Swedish; we have been married soon for 37 years … it’s not been a bed of roses as such extreme cultures do clash but in this matrimony, we were blessed with a beautiful super-intelligent daughter and a fantastic son … the Indian – Swedish combine has given my children the best of both our worlds. I am happy they live their lives in Scandinavia but stay connected with their Father’s roots which are Indian.

As a young bachelor “I saw the world and got paid for it”… with marriage I soon realized the give and take which one has to do… it is so important to work as a team … the true test is getting to know your partner and this takes a long time … the compatibility and more.

At least in India the debate on arranged marriages by families or finding a partner with no influence from families continues… at least in the big cities the youth of India are getting more liberated; live-in relationships are increasing, however, the tolerance level in a relationship is getting lower… meaning that the relationship is ending due to less give and take.

Fatherhood is an amazing experience. Help me understand your own experience and what advice can you give us?

To become a Father is a miracle; be it your biological child or a child you adopt.. you wish your children to be secure, safe, happy with enriching healthy lives. I do admit I always worry about my children (and now my wonderful grandchildren) but I strongly believe in the goodness of people and hence after giving my children the best possible education by way of travel, daily experiences, examples, and inroads into good universities I know they will contribute positively to our world.

I definitely believe in giving children roots but also wings.

The 21st century has been the defining moment for women empowerment. What does the word mean to you and do you implement it in your life?

In the world of my life, my travel, and constant experiences in the 21st century is surely the time for women to come forward, break the chains of male chauvinism and become truly independent. Men are babies from cradle to grave and need to multi-task like women … for me, my contribution is to a charity in India “Salaam Baalak Trust” where young destitute children are given a haven. The trust looks after 1000’s of young girls and seeks finance through theatre, philanthropists, and more.

In addition, in Gurgaon Haryana I have allocated a part of my yearly earnings for the upkeep of my domestic help and the family; improving sanitary conditions, donating freshwater RO filters, white goods, furniture, and paying for closed toilets. I even fight for their rights …however it is important to set goals and objectives too for those you help so they understand this is not a free ride .. as I know and I preach to them among others, “money doesn’t grow on trees”.

Overcome Evil With Good. How can we as men protect against the evil that is done to women in our society?

The old panchayat system is still prevalent in villages in India.. when I talk about a village I don’t mean a remote village out of touch with civilization in the Indian hinterland… I talk of small pockets a mere stone throw from the modern city of Delhi …some of these villages could be just beyond a wall or across the road …it is here the village elders sit as echelons in their domain with archaic wisdom (that should be erased permanently but only kept in historical archives ). They “act” as “ do good’ ers” with no one to question them … the villagers especially women are at the mercy of these old men who are never questioned. I strongly believe with age comes knowledge … but knowledge comes with education … in many many cases just because you’re old doesn’t make you wise to pass judgment on others … and that too favoring men.. the empowerment of women needs to be whole, complete and this can only happen if society breaks the chains of this evil system … further, I believe the youth of India both the educated and others need to be taught by examples … wherein a village IF a father physically abuses his wife, the children look on… and very soon the boys, mainly the boys start behaving /doing the same to girls around them. Some boys start screaming at their Mothers; I have seen this!!

Is this a traditional way of passing judgment on innocent people by elders who are probably illiterate themselves..All religions are good, pious, and loving but it’s people and sometimes charlatans who become great orators within a limited scope and confuse and baffle the innocent with deadly fear …

It is important to educate and educate so that we can cleanse both the no good’ ers and convince the innocents to get freedom from the tentacles of the wicked, the selfish, and the “advantage” takers …

I was born with an education that instilled in me, goodness, charitable traits and made me understood … it is important not to be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Give yourself some advice at 15, 25, 35, and 45 years of age?

At my age I am aware that today’s teenager, youth, yuppy and the mid-range 40’s are more into materialism than ever before ..they want it sooner, faster and some even wish to retire by 50! It is the “good life “ they talk and dream about …” many of course too look at the environmental destruction of the ’80s and ’90s and are protesting at global warming which is inevitably happening.. this is a good sign too as many in my age took advantage of the world’s natural resources in an irresponsible manner …

What I wish to tell the millennials and the Y Generation is to pick up the good things of the X Generation ( My Generation ) but S L O W down, please. Enjoy every moment with love, laughter, and abandon… but live responsibly… read more … let not Facebook consume you … you need to live longer, healthier and keep our planet spinning smoothly…

L I V E   L I F E… K I N G S I Z E .. but find time to

meditate,

contemplate

and reflect…

search for that inner peace … this is paramount…

yesterday never returns …

today is a present

tomorrow may never happen …

The post Captain Vivek Bhasin appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Off to Bishop Cotton School

British Airways announces the departure of its flight from Dubai to….

That announcement by the airport always reminded me that my vacation was over, and it was time to go back to my grandparents or St. Andrews School.

The pretty BA air hostess would guide me through customs, on to the flight, meet the captain, see the cockpit, and get the captain’s signature as a member of the Junior Jet Club.

Today was different.

I had just turned 15 years old and told British Airways that I did not need an air hostess to escort me. I wanted to fly by myself.

So where am I heading?

A few weeks ago, I was having a discussion with my mother as to what to do after St. Andrews. I had my own convictions about where I wanted to go. My mother had her own opinions. So, the conversation went like this:

‘Mom, I want to go to New York, London or some big city to experience high school’

‘Nice try son, but I think at this stage in your life, a boy’s boarding school would be a great fit’

‘Seriously mom!!! Why?’

My mother who keeps detailed notes of my entire life brings out this nice folder with all the bills from St. Andrews.

‘Well you see son, the bills from your shenanigans at St. Andrew were more than the annual bill.’

‘Now mom, you are amazing, you are awesome and your only lovely child has passed grade 10 with flying colors and let me look at those allegations again.’

Mom brings out two pages of written notes and they are all numbered

Destruction of the chemistry lab (mom it was just to see how the frogs were doing)

Destruction of 14 frogs (mom I wanted to taste the legs)

Chasing girls with a frog in hand (they asked I showed it to them)

Entering the girl’s dormitory without permission (just visiting Vanessa and Maryam)

Destruction of a cauldron of soup (mom I was hungry)

Breaking pots in the garden

Entering apple orchards without permission

Waking up the entire dorm at midnight

Going on town leave without permission (mom breath deeply and let’s focus on positives of St. Andrews)

And the list went on

‘Son, I think you need some discipline and male bonding time. You have been around women too long.’

Mother was paying the bills and so she won.

I am heading to Bishop Cotton School, 160 years old, steeped in tradition. Most students are lifers. Very few are taken in grade 11.

I am in Lefroy house. This house has been the number one house for a long long time.

I meet some of the juniors who I knew from St. Andrews and then I met some of my classmates. We were about 16 of us in the first year. I meet Ashwani Virk (ash), Anup Bhalaik (skinny), Jatinder Taneja (tan) and a whole bunch of others. These three would become lifelong friends.

The bell went at 6 am. Time to get up and hit the hot showers.

After that, the dorm would be reviewed by the housemaster. The bed had to be clean, the nails had to be polished, the locker had to be sparkling clean.

Everyone had to stand in line and be reviewed by the house captain and then breakfast (breka).

The porridge was hot, the toast lavished with butter was just amazing.

Time to hit classes.

Lunch was always something fresh and delicious. As seniors, we sat on the other side. For less than ten of us, we had two servers. A little cash in their pocket always meant more food.

Tea was my favorite time. Fresh tea and those biscuits.

Sports. BCS was built around sports and playing against teams all over the country.

I played hockey, cricket, badminton for Lefroy house. Taneja and Minocha were not only great at table tennis but they represented the school as well. In tennis, the Thai guys (boffies) were just amazing.

Yes, I did try for the boxing team. For three months of the year getting up at 5.30 am, having a banana and two raw eggs and then running uphill for 1 hr. Did I mention holding two stones in your hands? Did I sign up for the marines?

I acted in plays, I wrote for the school journal.

I looked forward to the weekends.

Out of 300 boys in this 160-year-old Protestant institution,  only 4 protestant boys and one Catholic boy. Ajoy (RIP) was always chosen to round up the other four to attend mass on Sundays. Now hold on a minute, no one is converting me. Hey, we take the bread in the mouth, none of this taking in the hands’ stuff.

Did I mention, all 300 of us had to attend mass early morning before school. The hymns were legendary.

Jerry since you are a Christian around here you will do the reading. So once a week for the next two years in front of 300 boys and teachers, I would read from the scriptures. Arun Sachdev, a cardiologist was visiting from Thailand and while Vipul Goel, Arun and me are driving to Niagara, Arun starts quoting all these scriptures. Holy moly this guy knows the bible better than me.

Paul Yap (Malaysian), Sati (Swiss) (RIP) and I hung out a lot because of being the foreigners on campus. Paul had a sister in Auckland, so town leave always meant we had a date from Auckland house.

Taneja had a connection at Beads. The girls were the same age as us. For the first time, the maturity level hit me. I was so off base.

Unlike St. Andrews which did not have the policy to disbar students, you were on thin ice at BCS in terms of rules.

I did take apples from the orchards, I did take the furniture and threw it in the pool on all fools day, I did knock on Mr. Hakim’s (RIP) door and run. I will never forget Pannu who clogged the whole drainage system with his T-shirt. He got disbarred.

After the first year, a couple of students left. For grade 12, there were just 10 of us. The time passed and we were all moving on.

The last day of school was always tough. We all held hands and sang the school song.

Seven years after graduation, three of those ten graduates had died. In the grade 11 pic, I am standing between the three.

I get asked a lot about whether going to a private school made a difference in my life. It is a loaded question.

I learned loyalty to fellow Cottonians, to country, to faith, and to the law.

I learned discipline, writing skills, speaking skills, leadership, communication, how to dress and it was my first foray into multiculturalism.

In grade 12, the whole class took off to town without asking for permission. I mean come on we are all 17 and a bunch of prefects.

We got caught and as soon as we came back, we had to change into shorts and T-shirt.

All ten of us got whacked ten times by heady. I was the first to go and maybe he forgot to count but I got 11 shots. Man it hurt.

I never broke a law for the rest of my life. Didicit.

The author wishes to thanks Ashwani Singh Virk, OCA and Arun Sawhney for all the pictures in this article.

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