Lorie Hartshorn is a lover of Jesus, her family, and the local church. As an international speaker and author, her primary passion is to make Jesus known. She loves to see people grow in faith and experience spiritual freedom. Sunshine, books, cottage, food, and conversation bring her joy! I ask Lorie about life, changing careers, marriage, motherhood, and becoming a grandmother.

Lorie, welcome to my Women of Wisdom series. Please tell my audience a little about you.

Well, I wear many hats!  A woman of faith, wife, mom of grown children, gramma of 2 baby girls (my favorite), speaker, writer, TV Host, Pastor, Leader, Educator, Fundraiser, Teacher… that sounds exhausting!  LOL

The truth is, what I do is a part of who I am.  It just looks different from season to season.  I love nature, long walks, reading, sharing food and conversation with others, spending time at my cottage, and campfires!

Walk me down your career path from a teacher, to an executive, to a minister, and now a TV anchor?

I’ll take you back to my childhood when I would set up a school in my basement and make worksheets for all the neighborhood kids to fill out!  My dad installed a chalkboard, so I was the coolest teacher on the block and I was 11!  With my desire to teach from a very young age and a heart for God, I wasn’t sure if I was to be a missionary or a teacher so I decided to go to a school where I could combine my faith and my desire to teach.  It took me to the States where I got my undergraduate degree in Education and Biblical Studies along with a Bachelor of Education degree from the University of Nebraska.  Yes, – Cornhusker Football and all!!

I then returned to Canada and started my teaching career in a private Christian School.  It was there that I started doing theatre arts productions with the students which led to 25 years of producing, writing, and directing choirs and theatrical plays, both in schools and in the church setting.  I love storytelling and this was one of the ways that I could tell stories and also equip and empower others to tell inspiring stories.

I wasn’t looking to be a fundraiser, I mean, who would!  But when I was asked to raise money for the school I was working at, I went to a one-day workshop and the presenter asked the question, ‘How many of you love to raise money?’…two keeners raised their hands…then he asked the question, ‘How many of you could raise friends for your organization?’ – my hand flew up!  That was it!  I was a friend-raiser!  I had the privilege of raising friends for schools and then it opened a door for me to lead a Canadian Non-Profit organization, called EQUIP Leadership Canada, founded by Dr. John C. Maxwell.  It was amazing to train and equip leaders both nationally and internationally with biblical leadership principles.  It was in this season that my speaking ministry started to grow.  So, my storytelling and teaching skills continued to be used in a new setting.

Then came the call to Pastor.  I have always served in the church and in many ways, I have pastored people for years but this was a new role and call to the office of a Pastor.  For 5 years I used my leadership skills as well as speaking in a large church in Canada, C4 Church, which I still attend.

You speak at many women’s conferences. What is your message and why should we listen to it?

My main message would be for people to experience spiritual freedom in their lives.  I’m a Bible teacher, so everything I teach is based on the Word of God.  I believe the scriptures are not only true but powerful to change people’s lives.  I had a wake-up call in my life in the years that my kids were teenagers and young adults.  We raised our kids in the church but each of them took a turn away from their faith for a number of years and made some very poor choices.  We were facing addiction to drugs and alcohol and some very painful circumstances that caused me to question, not only my parenting but my faith.  It was an essential wake up call to me that spiritual warfare is real and the enemy of our souls was out to destroy our family.  I have always been a praying person but this changed the way I prayed.  Both my husband and I got really serious about prayer and rather than being overwhelmed by the painful circumstances, we saw God do miraculous things.  We saw him deliver our kids from addiction and mental turmoil and do a transformative thing in each of our lives.  This changed me at my core.  I believe in the power of Jesus to save us not only from our sins and give us new life but also to defeat the enemy who loves to keep us living a powerless Christianity.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you?

Well, I already shared a little of my motherhood experience.  So, suffice it to say, I love being a mom but being a Gramma – or Glamma – is the best!!

Mothering and Grandmothering make you real!  Like the advice the skin horse gave to the little stuffed rabbit in, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, “by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” 

I have heard you talk about the challenges with your kids and how you have overcome them. please help us as we deal with challenges with our kids?

As parents, we do a lot of guilt but I have learned that it’s not all about me!  There’s a novel thought.  It’s important to deal with your own stuff so that you can better help your kids face their stuff but in the end, your kids make choices.  Some you agree with, some you don’t.  We are called to love unconditionally.  When you experience the love and grace of God for yourself, and really learn to receive that love and walk in it, then you have so much more to give to your kids and grandkids.  Live loved and you’ll love others better.

You have been married for quite a while, give me some practical tips on having a successful marriage?

Dean and I have been married for 33 years!  Time flies when you’re having fun.  Ok, it’s not all fun.  But again, it is about learning to love and be loved.  You have to keep it real in marriage.  Don’t be disillusioned by Hollywood or social media.  Love is a choice.  You chose every day to love your spouse.  You may not always like them   Or agree with them.  But you can choose to love and honor them in spite of your differences.  We keep choosing love.  We keep growing too.  Deal with your stuff!  Get to a counselor.  Talk to wise people and avoid fools!  You can’t give what you don’t have, so always keep learning and becoming more emotionally healthy so you can give that to your marriage and you’re guaranteed to win.

You are an amazing communicator. How important is communication in our daily lives, work, business?

Thank you!  I believe that stories change lives.  When we tell a story, people lean in and often say, ‘me too’.  When a story brings hope then that transfers to another life.  So, to me, communication is driven by what’s in your heart.  For some communication is simply about dumping a whole lot of information or demonstrating what they think they know and perhaps hoping it will make them look good.   But I think communication is a gift that is intended to create connections.  If our goal is to sincerely connect with others and it’s motivated by love and not ego, then I believe it’s the greatest gift we can offer another human being.  Communication happens not only in what you say but how you say it.  It’s noticing people, it’s considering where they are at and trying to step into their shoes.  I don’t always do that well, but I’m learning.

John Maxwell said it so well, ‘Everyone communicates but few connect’.  My desire has always been to connect.  Whether I’m speaking one on one or to a large crowd or to a TV camera.  I simply want to connect with a message of love and hope.  I want people to lean in and say ‘me too’ and reach for the hope and healing that is offered to them.

Tell us about your TV show and what are you trying to accomplish?

The 700 Club Canada is a daily Christian TV show that airs nationally across Canada.  Its goal is to share the good news of Jesus Christ across our nation and beyond.  I love the program because it uses people’s stories or testimonies to demonstrate to others that God is real, that He loves them, and that Jesus is truly the way to freedom, to forgiveness and to a right relationship with God.  I love interviewing people and sharing stories….see the theme…and the best story in the world is the story that the Bible tells.

In simple terms, here is the message of the bible for some of your readers that may not be familiar.

We live in a broken world.  We can see it all around us, broken relationships, sickness, wars, etc. but God never intended it to be that way.  God’s original design for this world was that we would be in a loving perfect relationship with Him.  But God gave us a choice and that perfect relationship was broken when the first humans chose to do things their own way.  The bible calls that sin and it put us all into brokenness and separates us from God.  We all want a way out of brokenness and for some that means, sex, money, power, or success…but all of these things just boomerang us back into brokenness.  But God made a way out of brokenness!  He sent His son Jesus into this world to model for us what it looks like to live in a loving relationship with God.  Jesus was perfect but He chose to die for us on the cross and took all our brokenness on Himself.  All our sins, all our failures, all our pain…He took it on himself.  Then he rose again and overcame death and He asks us to believe in what He did on the cross and to turn away from our brokenness and to make Jesus the Lord and leader of our life.  When we do that we experience saving!  We are rescued from our sin, our brokenness, all because of what Jesus did and we are given the Holy Spirit to help us then live the life God intended for us and puts us back into the right relationship with God.  It’s the only way to live.  It brings freedom and healing!

In your book, you talk about spiritual warfare, help me understand this better?

Spiritual warfare is the reality that there are two kingdoms in conflict.  The kingdom of God and the kingdom of Satan.  The Bible unpacks for us how this all went down but to put it in simple terms, we can only serve one king, so will it be God or Satan.  We have to ask ourselves the question, which kingdom do you belong to?  Jesus came to earth to destroy the kingdom of Satan and He accomplished that by going to the cross.  Satan thought he had won when Jesus died…but He wasn’t prepared for Easter!!  Jesus rose again and defeated Satan.  We are then told that we have to choose who we will follow, God or Satan?  For many, they don’t think it’s that dramatic…I mean, if I’m a good person just minding my business, what’s the big deal?  Well, that’s spiritual ignorance or blindness and the enemy doesn’t want you to know that you are essentially in a cosmic battle and on the losing side. Unless you chose to follow Jesus.  He’ll lead you to the Father and to freedom.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family in the 21st century?

I don’t really like the word balance – as that assumes all things are equal.  I prefer the word priorities.  Faith is my overriding priority.  I also love food and believe it is a gift from God for us to enjoy, so I seek to honor God with my body and eating good food and living a healthy lifestyle pleases Him and enables me to be the person He designed me to be.  Money is also a gift from God and when we view it as a tool that we can master, rather than having it master us, then we can enjoy it without it controlling us.  Dean and I made a decision early in our marriage to simply live within our means.  God has honored that and we’ve always had all that we need.  We also believe in living generously, as nothing really belongs to us – so that frees you up to not be controlled by money but rather to be in control of your money and enjoy blessing others.  And family, well they are one of my biggest priorities.  So, no matter what season I’m in, no matter what job I have, my family is the priority and I’ve never regretted that.  I’ve turned down jobs and chose some different paths in order to keep them the priority and I wouldn’t change a thing.

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What is brokenness?

The dictionary defines brokenness as fractured, forcible separation, sundered by divorce, desertion by parents, having been violated, being in a state of disarray, a broken spirit, crushed by grief, suffering from a broken heart, financially or morally bankrupt, and not functioning.

The truth is we live in a broken world. The fabric of our lives is torn with grief, loss, pain, suffering, fear, hatred, racism, discrimination, poverty, judgment, alienation, insecurity, hunger, and violence. As a result, brokenness is everywhere.

We want answers. We cry out through social media or lash out and want explanations, answers, and hope in our brokenness.

We are just coming out from one of the most challenging times our generation has faced. What will life look like post-Covid? There is a lot of uncertainty out there.

Each and everyone has a role to play. We need to deal with our own brokenness. We have to become intentional in healing ourselves and others.

We need to become better listeners and be the salt, the light on the mountain and provide rays of hope through the heart of disillusionment, distrust, anxiety, resentment, and division. We can only do that by being patient, kind, gentle, compassionate, loving unconditionally, forgiving, and being grateful.

I am a big believer in being healed. It will require work. It will require introspection. It will require writing down stuff. It will require talking to other people. You cannot carry the pain. It will literally kill you. If you deal with your prejudices, loneliness, unrealized dreams, stress, worry, guilt, and shame there is joy on the other side.

I spend an hour a day, getting to know my followers across social media. I want to know who they are, why do they follow me, what is so unique and special about them. Queeny Yalangi started following me a few weeks back. I was intrigued by the nom de plume. I soon realized she was an author, podcaster, blogger and worked in the corporate world. Queeny has amazing insights into pain, suffering, love, and disappointment and I love that she used the word brokenness in her book. We talk about food, culture, brokenness, love, and women’s empowerment.

Hello Queeny, can you tell my audience something about yourself?

Hello Jerry, this is Queeny Yalangi, author of Life in Hyderabad: A city of tales. I’m from Hyderabad, India. I’m a blogger, podcast speaker, chef, and abstract painter. I’m an MBA graduate, but my love for books and the English language made me a writer. I work for an MNC, but writing is my first love. 

I want to know what Life in Hyderabad: A city of tales is all about?

Life in Hyderabad is a book of anecdotes, the stories of love, longing, pain, and optimism. I believe that there are many stories in the world, but only a few are heard. My idea behind writing Life in Hyderabad is to introduce common people and their untold stories. Some people fall in love, some people live in love, some people dwell in that pain forever. Some stories have a happy ending while some remain without an ending. Some people express their love to the person whom they love, while some sacrifice their love. So Life in Hyderabad is the voice of all these stories. I also added a  few poems and my original minimalist illustrations in this book at the beginning of each story. Every story is different from others. All these stories are born out of inspiration and observation. I observe people around me, I see their pain, I see their story. And whenever I feel like a story needs a voice, I write that story. So Life in Hyderabad is all about these stories.

We are all broken. The common people, unique, unconventional, outliers, and the stars. I believe to be healed and move forward, we have to accept our brokenness. What is the path of your characters in this journey?

In this book, you will meet the characters who lost everything, the people who are left alone by their loved ones, also the people who are waiting for their love. Every one of them lost something or the other faced setbacks, was abandoned, left out by everyone. But they never lost their hope. They started living with hope. They suffered, they accepted the pain, they healed themselves, they never gave up and they never stopped hoping. And that hope made them move forward each day. This is what inspired me to write their stories. 

Your characters are lost in darkness. Is there a light in their life? What is it about them that they do not want to give up and stay resilient?

Yes, the characters in this book are lost in darkness and broken inside. But they also had good times in their life. They all had normal lives, but life is a cycle of good and bad. Our choices affect our lives. Some chose to live in darkness, but some choose to walk towards the light. My characters chose to move on. They embraced every moment of their lives. They overcame the uncertainties. They found solace in suffering. They moved forward. It is the hope that made them live. They waited with patience for things to happen. They chose to wait instead of giving up. That is what made them walk towards the light. I would say that hope made them stay resilient.

What is hope all about? You cover it in your book. I truly believe we all need hope post covid.

I believe that hope is something that makes us live. To me, hope is that dawn that comes after every dark night, it is happiness that comes after sadness. During Covid, we witnessed many things. 2020 was a roller coaster ride. We have seen good, we have seen bad and we have seen terrible things. But we believed that things will get normal someday. And as we believed things are getting normal slowly. 

I like the dichotomy between pain, love, and how some people choose to live in that pain in the book. Comment?

Yes, some people choose to live in pain. It is not because they love the pain. But sometimes some people don’t even know that they are in pain. They immerse themselves to a level where they don’t even recognize the pain. One of the characters in my book Diya is in love with a man. She gave everything to him out of love. But she never got the same love back. Still, she doesn’t stop loving him. She suffers inside, She cries every day. But she never complains. We know that she is in pain when we are reading her story. But for her it’s love. So some people live in pain out of helplessness and out of love.  

‘Faith gives us strength, it is good to have faith. But when that faith turns into delusion’. You make a very profound statement. I believe in practical faith, unconditional love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, grace, compassion, forgiveness, and mercy. Do we have something in common?

Yes, I made that statement in my recent blog. I believe that there is a thin line between faith and delusion. Faith gives us strength. We pray to the superior power. According to our religions and cultures, we give him so many names. But God is always one. When we do good, when we help others, when we are kind and generous to others he resides within us. He is in everything we do. He is the reason we wake up every day and lead our normal lives. But I believe faith has its limits. God will help a man who works hard. When we give 100% to something we want and we work hard for it. We should leave the result to God. Work hard and wait with patience. God will make it happen. But they are people who want only miracles and don’t want to work hard. That is when delusion replaces faith. It is good to believe. It is good to trust. But trust yourself first then God will reside within you. Don’t replace faith with fear and take extremes steps out of superstitious beliefs.

Define what women empowerment means to you?

To me, women empowerment is something when women help each other, learn together, and grow together. Women from all walks of life are empowered when they are given a chance to share their thoughts. When their point of view matters in their personal and professional lives. When women have a choice to choose their careers, their future, and their partner. Women are more capable of doing things than cooking meals and making love. But, sadly, the world never thinks in that way. Still, in some parts of the world, women are not allowed to study, they can’t wear modern dresses. They can’t go out alone. Our body gets more attention from society than our knowledge. Our place is decided by our gender. We always get fewer chances to prove ourselves just because we are feminine. This can be and will be changed only when women emp1ower each other and support each other. 

How is your generation of women different from your mom’s and grandmother’s generation?

At the time of my Grandmother’s generation, women were always considered weak. Before they are married they were dependent on their fathers. When they are married they used to depend on their husbands and when they grew old they used to depend on their sons. They never had a voice or chance to make any choice. But this changed at the time of my mom’s generation. They stepped out of their homes. They educated themselves and started doing jobs. They were given importance because of their jobs, but the pay and options were less for them. Now my generation has plenty of opportunities. We became the decision-makers of our lives. We have a choice and technology has made our lives easy. Now any woman can work from anywhere. We have freedom. But it is a LIMITED FREEDOM, LIMITED RESPECT. Like I said before, we are never treated equally because we are feminine. I hope this changes in the next generation.

I want to know about the food scene in your city. What are some of the specialties?

Like I said I’m from Hyderabad, and Hyderabad is famous globally for its delectable food. Dum Biryani is a famous food in our city. We have a lot of upscale restaurants, drive-ins, affordable food spots, food trucks, breakfast centers, and branded chains of restaurants. And we Hyderabadi people love to explore new cuisines every day. We get all types of food. South Indian, Chinese, Continental, Traditional Andhra Cuisine, Mexican, Italian, and many more cuisines and sweets from every region. My favorite foods are Hyderabadi Dum Biryani, Raju Gari Kodi Pulav, Ramki Bandi Breakfast, Kurkure Momos, Haleem, Donne Biryani, vegetarian food from Subbayagari Hotel, and sweets from Vasi Reddy foods. 

You have an MBA. What did you learn at MBA school that you did not know before? For me was a cultural fit.

I learned so much about the world and the opportunities when I was in the MBA program. My professors were very supportive. Mr. Ramprasad was my business law professor and Dean Padma supported me and motivated me. They always made me believe that I can do more in my life. I have represented my MBA college in a lot of national conferences and spoke about RTI, ‘Make in India’, and many more topics. Sometimes I was the only young girl attending seminars in a room full of men in their 50’s. I learned to be independent and fearless. It was a wonderful phase of my life.

Finally, what is one key takeaway that you want the readers to take from your book?

I would like to say one thing to my readers from all across the globe through this book is to NEVER GIVE UP. If you lose your job, try to find a new job, if you fail in an exam try writing again, if you fail in love, try falling in love again. If you fail in something, it doesn’t mean you are a failure, it doesn’t mean that you will stop living. Failure always gives you another opportunity to do better in your life. Something better will be always in store for you. And your hope is your biggest strength. All you need to do is hold it tight, work hard, and move forward no matter what happens in your life. 

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Last year, I was hurting. Ok, Jerry, the truth is you were hurting very badly.

Debbie was going through chemo, Jean was looking for a job, and I was facing unemployment. A year later, Debbie is in remission, Jean has two job offers, and I am enjoying my full-time job from home. Such is life. As Debbie lay in bed, for 4 days in a row after chemo, I would hold her hand and cling to hope. Slowly, I would get cynical. WHY ME? I am hurting. I need help.

Being a caretaker for nearly two years to someone going through cancer was emotionally, mentally, financially, and psychologically challenging. I had to make it through. Life still had to be lived, and the bills had to be paid.

I was hurting. However, it was the unconditional love, support, charity, service, and compassion of countless friends, family, and neighbors that helped me pull through.

How are you dealing with Covid? Hang in there, we will make it through. I am an emotional wreck. I am weak mentally, physically, spiritually, and psychologically. YET! I made it through. I honestly felt like someone was carrying me through the whole ordeal. I was hurting, and I knew it. I got help. I took care of myself.

Pastor Natalie has come to realize that we must take pauses, or we are just experiencing life passing us by quickly! Every day, there are several moments we can perhaps all talk about and be an encouragement to someone else. I talked to Pastor Natalie about some of the very issues I faced last year, and she answered with grace, love, compassion, and empathy. If you are hurting, this interview provides you with some of the answers.

Natalie, welcome. Tell me something important and unique about you? 

Hello Jerry, thank you for this opportunity. There are a few things I can say that is unique to me. First, I was born and raised in New York and currently live in Central Florida. I have a great passion for bringing encouragement to others. I have had the honor of helping others in my community and worldwide virtually. It is important to me that I have left an encouraging print everywhere I go and the things I do.

As a writer, I have a blog where I bring every day encouraging moments to my readers. I believe there are several moments taking place in our lives and we must pause and take moments to enjoy and reflect on daily.

Currently, I also co-pastor alongside my husband overseeing operations at a non-profit organization called, Resplendency. We have been able especially during these trying times to support our local health care heroes, work with another organization to bring food to families in need and just bring support and encouragement to as many as we could. I have had the honor of hosting annual Women’s Conferences both in-person and online. I also have been honored to have several opportunities to be a guest speaker and writer.

In 2020, I was facing unemployment, my wife was diagnosed with cancer and a trip I was looking forward to got canceled. However, I clung to hope. Talk to me about hope. What is it? Why should we cling to it? 

Jerry, first I want to say that I am very sorry that you and your wife have had to face some serious times of testing. Disappointments and overwhelming moments in life can bring discouragement but I am so happy that you clung to hope. Hope brings an acceptance of what is happening. It provides an expectant end.

Hope carries a sense that things will change. It brings assurance that ‘it will not always be this way.’ Clinging to hope is so important because without it you can live in despair and dread. Without hope, you will deal with so many emotions that can bombard you that you can become overwhelmed with no sense of a future. 

In clinging to hope, cynicism can creep in. How can we keep cynicism from creeping into our life? 

You are so correct you can become cynical without hope. There is something about turning your heart toward hope that sustains you in ways of change that can take place at any moment. As I said earlier, without hope there is a sense things can never get better. Despair and hopelessness can take hold of our hearts. With that said, to avoid becoming cynical it’s important to pause and reflect where you are and take in what you know to be true and what you see as possibilities ahead that can bring about change.  You may need to talk to someone and be honest about your feelings and be open to their voice in your life.

With that said, I believe that it is in these moments it’s vital to turn our hearts toward God and not away from Him. You learn to live by faith when you live in hope. With hope, there is this sense that, ‘I can go beyond what I see.’ It is a great time to open your heart to God.

Talk to me about a time in your life where you were facing challenges and how did you overcome them? 

For me, this is honestly a loaded question because unfortunately there are several challenges I have had to face over the years that I had to overcome physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually. It was during these times where I faced the fact that I either both believed God was real and trusted His plans and purposes through it all or I did not. One particular moment that stands out to me that I will share will be when I was facing a serious illness and had to have surgery. I believed that I would be healed and would not need surgery and yet God had other plans. I had to have the surgery and it was very trying to know I had to walk through this because I know nothing is too hard for God. What I learned is that when we pray for anything and everything, we must remember, “NOT our will, but God’s WILL be done.” I have come to the place with an assurance in my heart that, ‘Father God knows best’ and I can trust Him to bring me all the way through it. I came close to death as a result of this illness and had to walk through very trying moments but I did not lose hope, rather I gained a deeper sense of assurance of how close God really is to each of us and never leaves us alone. On my let’s take a moment blog I recently began writing about my health journey.

Are hope and optimism the same? Why? 

I believe they can be viewed as similar. However, hope in my opinion stems from a place of faith (a reliance upon something bigger outside of ourselves). It is an assurance and confidence that comes because you make the choice to believe in God. Where optimism is more of an outlook that brings hope. To me, a negative mindset will not experience either hope or optimism. To that person, it will seem like nothing can change and everything is always horrible.

In your opinion what does the world need in 2021? Walk me through what it is and how we can use it to make a difference in other people’s lives? 

This is a heavy question and I believe the world needs hope in 2021. There are so many uncertainties with all that each of us has had to face that without hope there really does not seem like anything can change. I see it as everything has been ‘shaken up. This is a great time to reflect on life and make some important decisions first spiritually, then everything else. It is an important time to pay attention to where our hearts are. There needs to be true repentance and forgiveness. There needs to be honesty and continued discussions about where we are and how we can move forward in the right changes. This must include everyone. I see it as a great time to reset your heart, mind, soul, and spirit before God.

I want to know how motherhood and marriage have changed you? 

I believe I have learned how important it is to remain humble and dependent on God in my relationship with my husband and with my children. My marriage would not have lasted if we both did not learn the importance of honesty, humility, and understanding.  To me, the most important for us both is communication with one another. I have learned the importance of denying yourself for others on a whole new level both as a wife and mother. As a mother, I have learned how important it is to pay attention to each child you have and recognize their individuality. It has taught me to be even more understanding and genuinely loving.

What does love your neighbor mean? Why is it so important right now? 

We are living in a world where “It’s ALL about me!” No one else matters. But to love your neighbor genuinely is of the utmost importance right now. You cannot say you want to change in your life and the world around you if you do not even know how to love others. You really cannot even talk about loving God with all your heart, if you do not know how to love others who are different than yourself. Thinking of more than ourselves and doing for others without the intention of what you can get in return, to me, means ‘loving your neighbor.’

As I get older I realize accepting my brokenness, forgiveness, and having compassion for other people has really helped me keep cynicism away. Please comment? 

People will let you down, disappoint you, and even cause serious pain. It really is up to us how we respond. You are right the older you get; you get to a place where you recognize that these things will happen but you do NOT have to allow it to make you something you are not. It is important to choose to forgive even when not asked for forgiveness and make an important choice NOT to keep a record of wrongs. Unforgiveness locks us up. So be intentional to forgive quickly so that you will avoid becoming cynical. 

Help me understand what men can do to make the lives of women in our lives better? 

I can honestly share a lot on this topic but I will try to say just a few things. One is to be attentive to their needs. Women are constantly communicating in a variety of ways, not only in speech but in action. So, pay attention. Another would be to make her feel safe in your presence. This again stems from paying attention to her feelings and the environment. Sometimes, your perspective can be very different from hers so pay attention to body language as much as verbal queues. Don’t feel you always have to respond; be a really good listener. Remember to make sure she knows she is being heard, not by just ‘yessing’ her but answering as you are talking about any topic.

Many people in my audience are hurting. Give them hope?

I want to first say that I am very sorry about all those hurting right now in your audience.  I want to encourage you that without hope there feels like nothing can ever change. I would say you can have hope right now. Things can turn around. Change is possible. I would invite you to pray with me and ask Jesus to come into your life, your heart, your situation right now. Gain a peace that passes natural understanding and begin to rest in all that He can do for you as you put your trust in Him. Let him show you where you need healing and forgiveness and allow Him to do so. It is a gift that we can come to Him just the way we are and we can gain hope because of all that He did on the cross for us.

I would love the opportunity to pray for anyone who would want prayer. I honestly know that God brings hope where there is despair. He brings purpose to our hearts and reassurance that things can change.

The post Hurting To Hope appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

This post is deeply personal and painful. It’s about loss, memory, guilt, and ultimately—healing. It’s about a friend I lost too soon, a time in my life when the world was full of possibilities, and how a single phone call decades later helped release me from years of unanswered questions and silent torment.

Suicide is not just an ending—it leaves ripples that never quite settle. As Phil Donahue once said, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” But for those left behind, the problem becomes permanent too.

This is not a lecture. It’s a journey. A story of friendship, regret, rediscovery, and letting go. It’s for anyone who’s ever wondered “what if,” or carried the weight of a loss they couldn’t explain. It’s for those who feel alone in their struggles—and a reminder that healing often begins when we face the demons we’ve spent years trying to avoid.

You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you’ve lost them forever – Wayne Dyer

There is often in people to whom ‘the worst’ has happened almost transcendent freedom, for they have faced ‘the worst’ and survived it -Carol Pearson

Skeletons in the closet

We all have skeletons in the closet. Those things we hide from everyone. We do not want anyone to know about it. It is in the attic. The best locks protect it.

Disappointments

Disappointments have a major effect on us. The tall, dark, handsome husband walked out on you. The model, who was so lithe and lissome left you for another man. The high school quarterback who was so romantic, now after two decades of marriage is a fat slob. The career is going nowhere. The business deal fell through. Married but cannot have kids. The list goes on.

Have you ever had a demon? A chimera so huge that even an army could not slay.

I was living the dream life. I was barely a teenager and in my first-year university in Switzerland. I had finished my stage (co-op placement, internship) at Hotel De la Paix in Geneva and with all the tips, I was loaded.

I always wanted to backpack Europe.

I had three free weeks before the second year and I flew first class to London.

I registered at the youth hostel and hit the London Tube. On my very first day after the second stop, I get a tap on the shoulder. I look back and it is S. Sidha. ‘Hey Jerry, do you remember me, from BCS’.

You see in boarding school I remembered juniors by three criteria:

Those that had cute sister’s at Auckland, Convent of Jesus and Mary, St Bede’s or somewhere else

Those that were foreigners like me at school

The Christians as there were only 5 of us

Sidha with his crispy English accent came under the second category.

‘Of course dude, I remember.’

After a small chat, he told me that my best friend Ajoy Hakim had committed suicide.

Wow! Wow! Wow! Hold on a second.

I met Ajoy in grade 11. Why did we become such good friends? Maybe we were outsiders. He was the teacher’s son. It could be we were both “Christians”. Perhaps we loved books, art, and the theatre.  Maybe I looked at him through different lenses. There were many times, I would question my own presence at BCS.

I remember us going up the mountains. We would light up a Dunhill. We talked about Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. We were idealists. We would be graduating soon. We were on the cusp of greatness. Freedom at last.

After doing our grade 12 exams, we backpacked India for a month. Nothing prepares you for the Taj Mahal. You study about it. It is deep in your psyche. You transcend into another world. I was only 17 then.

We went to Lucknow. His aunt was the principal of a boarding school. Did I mention a girl’s boarding school?  It was my first exposure to real Mughlai cuisine.

After our short sojourn, it was time to say goodbye. We knew it would be a while before we would see each other. Both of us knew that we would be fighting the establishment that believes in becoming doctors, lawyers, and engineers. Little did I know, that it would be the last time I would see Ajoy.

Early in life, we follow it mapped out by ego, a path of ambition, competition, striving, and achievement. At mid-life, we question the direction we are heading. We yearn to find our true calling. And you have to be willing to meet the demon.

The very thought of going back to visit school brought a shudder up my spine. Did I really want to deal with seeing all the places? Was it worth the trip?

We were the first batch of grade 12. However, we were orphans. No trace of us existed.

I was the president of the Old Cottonian Association in Canada. I did not want to return to school.

As we entered the Facebook world it all changed. I spoke to Arun Sawhney and got the ball rolling. He told me he never went back to school for ten years. He was escaping. Nevertheless, in life, you have to face your demons. You have to be that David and cut the head of Goliath. Look at the positive and focus on that.

Asheesh Santram’s email was the deal maker. He talked about renewing our bonds.

I called him.  He was Ajoy’s cousin. He gave me the breakdown of what had happened. I felt like he was the psychotherapist. One by one, he was breaking down the tendons and letting the blood flow. The blood brings rich nutrients that result in healing. I am not sure why I waited that long to make the call. He provided me with Anup Hakim’s cell number.

Anup was Ajoy’s older brother. He was teaching at school. I called him. This was the catharsis. Anup did not recognize me at first. However, he got it. He called me the boy who was always with Ajoy. We talked about how he had directed both the plays for Lefroy House.

We laughed about many issues. I finally asked him about his parents. He explained to me the whole story. He was not sure whether to take his parents’ accident a positive or negative. Would he have abandoned them when they became old and fragile?

I finally asked him about Ajoy. I told him this issue had bogged me for a quarter of a century. I was trying to track him down all along. It was refreshing to talk to Anup. He was the surgeon who had taken the thorn from my flesh.

I finally let it go. I was free from the bondage of guilt. I had felt like Hercules carrying this weight. It felt light.

Only ten of us graduated from grade 12. After seven years, three had died. In my grade 11 picture, I am standing between the other three.

I have stopped asking why. I deal with what now.

In life, we go through experiences to keep us humble. Hubris is a cousin of success.

The oven bakes you to add flavor. To become a butterfly the larvae have to break through the cocoon. We have to go through storms. It helps us appreciate things better.

I was looking at BCS through myopic eyes. One cannot let one incident mar your view. I cannot paint the whole canvas with one stroke. I was looking at the glass half empty.

I forgot to mention that I met one of my closest friends Ash Virk. Anup Bhalaik was one of the nicest persons I have ever come across.

Life is an art as much as a science. It is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes in our youth, the cabal judges us by that sprint.

BCS was an experience that embedded our names and lives into history. We are concatenated. I look forward to the renewing of bonds and reawaken the good that came from school.

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