#christian Archives - Four Columns of a Balanced Life

How to find the right church for you

admin — Fri, 02 May 2025 20:02:53 +0000

That’s a deep question: How do you find the right church?

Churches have become commodified—focused on branding, entertainment, and attracting “customers” rather than fostering genuine spiritual growth.

In the last nine months, I have received more emails, calls, texts, and Facebook messages regarding the above question.

Choosing a church is a significant decision that can impact your spiritual growth, sense of community, and overall well-being.

In 2004, I had just moved to the Durham Region. I found Sanctus in Ajax. Sanctus changed my life. Sanctus’s preaching was biblically sound and Christ-centered. The worship style was contemporary which made an instant connection with me. The sermons were engaging, meaningful, and applicable to me. The focus was on leading a holistic life led by the Holy Spirit. Jesus was the focus of everything they did. They had small groups.

The transparency and accountability of Sanctus was amazing. The leadership structure was clear with a Biblical accountability. The integrity in finances, governance, and decision-making was impeccable. The mission and vision were evangelism, community service, discipleship, and mentoring.

The youth program was unbelievable. My daughter never wanted to leave.

The board was humble and as a member, we had meetings every quarter.

As I looked around at the membership the head of TTC, the VP from a Canadian bank, Professors from Tyndale, entrepreneurs and a vibrant community.

Sanctus has four sites and 5000 people in attendance in 2025.

It was hard to leave after 18 years and the hunt for a new church in the Niagara Escarpment began.

The first thing you need to know to find the right church is that Christianity is not a spectator sport. You will not benefit if you come only on Sunday and leave right after service. You need to become intentional in serving, joining a small group, and inviting people to your home.

The second fact you need to be aware of is that you cannot be a consumer in Christianity.

Finally, the church is full of broken, messed-up people who are looking for help.

For my emotional well-being and spiritual growth it was important to find the right church that was safe and healthy. I have listed some key indicators of a safe and healthy church.

Biblical Teaching & Theology

Church doctrine is extremely important because it defines the core beliefs and teachings of a faith community. It provides a foundation for understanding God, salvation, morality, and the purpose of life. The teaching should align with the Bible, encouraging faith, love and grace. To find the right church make sure that beliefs remain consistent with Scripture and historical teachings, preventing misinterpretation or deviation from core Christian principles. Christ, not a leader or tradition, is the center of teaching, worship, and mission.

The doctrine helps believers know how to live according to God’s will, shaping their worldview, ethics, and daily decisions. Shared doctrine unites believers, preventing confusion and division while fostering a sense of community and purpose. Doctrine safeguards against heresies and misleading ideologies that could distort the faith.

However, it’s also important to balance doctrine with love and grace. While firm beliefs are necessary, rigid legalism without compassion can drive people away. A healthy church upholds sound doctrine while living out Christ’s love. A healthy church also uses exegesis, hermeneutics and stays away from proof texting when looking at scripture.

Authentic Leadership who are accountable

When a church leader walks authentically, it fosters trust, unity, and a thriving spiritual environment. An authentic leader lives out Christian principles both privately and publicly and demonstrates a lifestyle of service, forgiveness, prayer and generosity. To find the right church look for leadership who preach but also embody it. The leader is transparent and accepts that he does not have all the answers. She listens actively, values feedback and avoids manipulation or control. She prioritizes people over programs and status.

An authentic leader handles criticism and conflict with grace and surrounds themselves with a team for spiritual, financial and ethical accountability.

Financial Transparency & Stewardship

The church should have open financial reporting with members in meeting or bulletins. The budget should show how funds are allocated to mission, salaries, community outreach and building maintenance. Members

Members can request and review financial documents without resistance or secrecy. A group should oversee spending, budgeting and accountability. Elders or a board of trustees should provide oversight and approval for major expenses or changes. The spending aligns with the mission and vision of the church such as caring for the poor, supporting ministries, and maintaining the facility responsibly.

Finally staff are paid fairly in a way that honors their work. An authentic leader will talk about giving from a Biblical perspective not obligation or manipulation.

A lack of transparency or a culture where financial questions are unwelcome is a red flag.

The Atmosphere

Does the church welcome everyone, regardless of background, lifestyle, past mistakes or appearances. Is grace and support offered openly or the focus more on condemnation and rules? Is sin looked at a pathway to transformation, or does it create fear and shame? Are differing viewpoints encouraged and or just shut down.

Does the church offer room for growth and second chances, or is there a culture of legalism and perfectionism?

A healthy church balances truth and grace—acknowledging sin but offering love, restoration, and hope. If a church feels more like a courtroom than a hospital for the broken, it may be judgmental.

Community & Fellowship

In finding the right church the congregation has to be warm and welcoming. There needs to be opportunities to connect through small groups or various ministries. A safe and healthy church encourages strong relationships among its members.

Mission & Outreach

A healthy and safe church should have a strong commitment to evangelism and community service. You need to check if there are missions, local outreach, and service opportunities. The church needs to have discipleship and mentoring in its DNA.

Family & Youth Programs

A safe church has a intergenerational component to it. There are programs for children, teens, and young adults. There needs to be resources and support for families. If the church does not have answers then they refer the members to counseling.

A healthy church needs to have a strong emphasis on raising the next generation in faith?

Prayer & Spiritual Growth

A church that focuses on prayer and dependance on God, that encourages personal holiness and growth in faith is the right church.

Size & Location

Do you prefer a small, intimate church or a large congregation? Is the church easily accessible from your home? Does the church provide online services if needed?

Peace & Confirmation from God

The church that we found, we were at peace and led by the Holy Spirit to be there. The contemplative approach helped me to grow closer to Christ and where my family is thriving spiritually.

Examples of safe churches and Pastors

I have known Dave Adams for more than two decades. He has pastored at Grindstone and Sanctus. Dave worked in the corporate world and has a great sense of humor and an amazing family.

I have know Jonathan Manafo for more than two decades. He is the founder of The Village. I have asked him some of the toughest questions about life. He has been through so many challenges but his faith never fails.

I have known Kevin Robbins for 35 years. A humble man with a great family. He has faced many challenges but has overcome with his deep faith.

In the last three years no pastor has helped me more than Matt Pamplin. Just an outstanding man.

Good luck in finding the right church and reach out to me if you are looking for a safe church in your area.

The post How to find the right church for you appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Lorie Hartshorn

admin — Sun, 15 May 2022 04:00:11 +0000

Lorie Hartshorn is a lover of Jesus, her family, and the local church. As an international speaker and author, her primary passion is to make Jesus known. She loves to see people grow in faith and experience spiritual freedom. Sunshine, books, cottage, food, and conversation bring her joy! I ask Lorie about life, changing careers, marriage, motherhood, and becoming a grandmother.

Lorie, welcome to my Women of Wisdom series. Please tell my audience a little about you.

Well, I wear many hats! A woman of faith, wife, mom of grown children, gramma of 2 baby girls (my favorite), speaker, writer, TV Host, Pastor, Leader, Educator, Fundraiser, Teacher… that sounds exhausting! LOL

The truth is, what I do is a part of who I am. It just looks different from season to season. I love nature, long walks, reading, sharing food and conversation with others, spending time at my cottage, and campfires!

Walk me down your career path from a teacher, to an executive, to a minister, and now a TV anchor?

I’ll take you back to my childhood when I would set up a school in my basement and make worksheets for all the neighborhood kids to fill out! My dad installed a chalkboard, so I was the coolest teacher on the block and I was 11! With my desire to teach from a very young age and a heart for God, I wasn’t sure if I was to be a missionary or a teacher so I decided to go to a school where I could combine my faith and my desire to teach. It took me to the States where I got my undergraduate degree in Education and Biblical Studies along with a Bachelor of Education degree from the University of Nebraska. Yes, – Cornhusker Football and all!!

I then returned to Canada and started my teaching career in a private Christian School. It was there that I started doing theatre arts productions with the students which led to 25 years of producing, writing, and directing choirs and theatrical plays, both in schools and in the church setting. I love storytelling and this was one of the ways that I could tell stories and also equip and empower others to tell inspiring stories.

I wasn’t looking to be a fundraiser, I mean, who would! But when I was asked to raise money for the school I was working at, I went to a one-day workshop and the presenter asked the question, ‘How many of you love to raise money?’…two keeners raised their hands…then he asked the question, ‘How many of you could raise friends for your organization?’ – my hand flew up! That was it! I was a friend-raiser! I had the privilege of raising friends for schools and then it opened a door for me to lead a Canadian Non-Profit organization, called EQUIP Leadership Canada, founded by Dr. John C. Maxwell. It was amazing to train and equip leaders both nationally and internationally with biblical leadership principles. It was in this season that my speaking ministry started to grow. So, my storytelling and teaching skills continued to be used in a new setting.

Then came the call to Pastor. I have always served in the church and in many ways, I have pastored people for years but this was a new role and call to the office of a Pastor. For 5 years I used my leadership skills as well as speaking in a large church in Canada, C4 Church, which I still attend.

You speak at many women’s conferences. What is your message and why should we listen to it?

My main message would be for people to experience spiritual freedom in their lives. I’m a Bible teacher, so everything I teach is based on the Word of God. I believe the scriptures are not only true but powerful to change people’s lives. I had a wake-up call in my life in the years that my kids were teenagers and young adults. We raised our kids in the church but each of them took a turn away from their faith for a number of years and made some very poor choices. We were facing addiction to drugs and alcohol and some very painful circumstances that caused me to question, not only my parenting but my faith. It was an essential wake up call to me that spiritual warfare is real and the enemy of our souls was out to destroy our family. I have always been a praying person but this changed the way I prayed. Both my husband and I got really serious about prayer and rather than being overwhelmed by the painful circumstances, we saw God do miraculous things. We saw him deliver our kids from addiction and mental turmoil and do a transformative thing in each of our lives. This changed me at my core. I believe in the power of Jesus to save us not only from our sins and give us new life but also to defeat the enemy who loves to keep us living a powerless Christianity.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you?

Well, I already shared a little of my motherhood experience. So, suffice it to say, I love being a mom but being a Gramma – or Glamma – is the best!!

Mothering and Grandmothering make you real! Like the advice the skin horse gave to the little stuffed rabbit in, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, “by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

I have heard you talk about the challenges with your kids and how you have overcome them. please help us as we deal with challenges with our kids?

As parents, we do a lot of guilt but I have learned that it’s not all about me! There’s a novel thought. It’s important to deal with your own stuff so that you can better help your kids face their stuff but in the end, your kids make choices. Some you agree with, some you don’t. We are called to love unconditionally. When you experience the love and grace of God for yourself, and really learn to receive that love and walk in it, then you have so much more to give to your kids and grandkids. Live loved and you’ll love others better.

You have been married for quite a while, give me some practical tips on having a successful marriage?

Dean and I have been married for 33 years! Time flies when you’re having fun. Ok, it’s not all fun. But again, it is about learning to love and be loved. You have to keep it real in marriage. Don’t be disillusioned by Hollywood or social media. Love is a choice. You chose every day to love your spouse. You may not always like them Or agree with them. But you can choose to love and honor them in spite of your differences. We keep choosing love. We keep growing too. Deal with your stuff! Get to a counselor. Talk to wise people and avoid fools! You can’t give what you don’t have, so always keep learning and becoming more emotionally healthy so you can give that to your marriage and you’re guaranteed to win.

You are an amazing communicator. How important is communication in our daily lives, work, business?

Thank you! I believe that stories change lives. When we tell a story, people lean in and often say, ‘me too’. When a story brings hope then that transfers to another life. So, to me, communication is driven by what’s in your heart. For some communication is simply about dumping a whole lot of information or demonstrating what they think they know and perhaps hoping it will make them look good. But I think communication is a gift that is intended to create connections. If our goal is to sincerely connect with others and it’s motivated by love and not ego, then I believe it’s the greatest gift we can offer another human being. Communication happens not only in what you say but how you say it. It’s noticing people, it’s considering where they are at and trying to step into their shoes. I don’t always do that well, but I’m learning.

John Maxwell said it so well, ‘Everyone communicates but few connect’. My desire has always been to connect. Whether I’m speaking one on one or to a large crowd or to a TV camera. I simply want to connect with a message of love and hope. I want people to lean in and say ‘me too’ and reach for the hope and healing that is offered to them.

Tell us about your TV show and what are you trying to accomplish?

The 700 Club Canada is a daily Christian TV show that airs nationally across Canada. Its goal is to share the good news of Jesus Christ across our nation and beyond. I love the program because it uses people’s stories or testimonies to demonstrate to others that God is real, that He loves them, and that Jesus is truly the way to freedom, to forgiveness and to a right relationship with God. I love interviewing people and sharing stories….see the theme…and the best story in the world is the story that the Bible tells.

In simple terms, here is the message of the bible for some of your readers that may not be familiar.

We live in a broken world. We can see it all around us, broken relationships, sickness, wars, etc. but God never intended it to be that way. God’s original design for this world was that we would be in a loving perfect relationship with Him. But God gave us a choice and that perfect relationship was broken when the first humans chose to do things their own way. The bible calls that sin and it put us all into brokenness and separates us from God. We all want a way out of brokenness and for some that means, sex, money, power, or success…but all of these things just boomerang us back into brokenness. But God made a way out of brokenness! He sent His son Jesus into this world to model for us what it looks like to live in a loving relationship with God. Jesus was perfect but He chose to die for us on the cross and took all our brokenness on Himself. All our sins, all our failures, all our pain…He took it on himself. Then he rose again and overcame death and He asks us to believe in what He did on the cross and to turn away from our brokenness and to make Jesus the Lord and leader of our life. When we do that we experience saving! We are rescued from our sin, our brokenness, all because of what Jesus did and we are given the Holy Spirit to help us then live the life God intended for us and puts us back into the right relationship with God. It’s the only way to live. It brings freedom and healing!

In your book, you talk about spiritual warfare, help me understand this better?

Spiritual warfare is the reality that there are two kingdoms in conflict. The kingdom of God and the kingdom of Satan. The Bible unpacks for us how this all went down but to put it in simple terms, we can only serve one king, so will it be God or Satan. We have to ask ourselves the question, which kingdom do you belong to? Jesus came to earth to destroy the kingdom of Satan and He accomplished that by going to the cross. Satan thought he had won when Jesus died…but He wasn’t prepared for Easter!! Jesus rose again and defeated Satan. We are then told that we have to choose who we will follow, God or Satan? For many, they don’t think it’s that dramatic…I mean, if I’m a good person just minding my business, what’s the big deal? Well, that’s spiritual ignorance or blindness and the enemy doesn’t want you to know that you are essentially in a cosmic battle and on the losing side. Unless you chose to follow Jesus. He’ll lead you to the Father and to freedom.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family in the 21st century?

I don’t really like the word balance – as that assumes all things are equal. I prefer the word priorities. Faith is my overriding priority. I also love food and believe it is a gift from God for us to enjoy, so I seek to honor God with my body and eating good food and living a healthy lifestyle pleases Him and enables me to be the person He designed me to be. Money is also a gift from God and when we view it as a tool that we can master, rather than having it master us, then we can enjoy it without it controlling us. Dean and I made a decision early in our marriage to simply live within our means. God has honored that and we’ve always had all that we need. We also believe in living generously, as nothing really belongs to us – so that frees you up to not be controlled by money but rather to be in control of your money and enjoy blessing others. And family, well they are one of my biggest priorities. So, no matter what season I’m in, no matter what job I have, my family is the priority and I’ve never regretted that. I’ve turned down jobs and chose some different paths in order to keep them the priority and I wouldn’t change a thing.

The post Lorie Hartshorn appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Joanna Lafleur: 21st century’s Aimee McPherson

admin — Sat, 10 Apr 2021 04:00:14 +0000

Joanna Lafleur has an undergrad in communication and business and a master’s in theological studies focusing on how to use digital communication tools for evangelism and discipleship. Over the last 15 years, she has spoken at churches, conferences, camps, and ministries in North America, Europe, and Asia. She also led the creative communication team at Sanctus, a multi-site church in Ajax. Joanne Lafleur also hosts a podcast for Creatives and Communicators called Word Made Digital and teaches the Bible on a nationally televised Christian talk show called “See Hear Love”, now in its 4th season. She is a proud aunt to 12 nieces and nephews, a board member with InterServe, a songwriter with C4 Worship, and an advisor to the Institute of Evangelism at Wycliffe College.

Joanne help me understand your role as a director of communications in a church setting?

I typically try to explain it by saying that I get to oversee everything you see and touch in our church at a church-wide level. What I mean by that is signage, images on screens, videos, banners, graphics, branding, printed promotional cards, magazines, interactive elements within a service like booklets or stickers, church-wide emails, social media, photography, etc. By no means do I do all this myself! We have a great team of staff, volunteers, and contractors that work together to get this done week in and week out. Generally, all this is being done under my conviction that the Church has the most important message in the world, so I’m trying to help us be the best communicators we can be of that message, in our ever-changing, highly digital culture.

Talk to me about your TV show, blog, and your podcast. What is the ultimate goal of these shows?

In general, wherever I’m communicating and over whatever medium, my prayer is that I actually help real people. On the TV show, my desire is to communicate the Bible and who Jesus is in a joyful, practical, and accessible way that might encourage viewers who are going through all kinds of struggles of their own and need the hope of Christ. In my writing, I’m trying to provide practical help for real communications problems that people working in churches wrestle through every day, often with much less resource than we have in a larger church. On the podcast, I’m trying to help creatives and communicators see their work differently while getting an inside look at some of the voices in the field that inspire them.

You are also a pastor in a role held by men since the beginning of time. Explain the highs, lows and the challenges of being taken seriously?

That’s a big question! We could spend a long time talking about this, so I want to, first of all, recognize that it’s a big topic, and full of lots of emotions and opinions for people. That said, generally, I don’t want to make gender a big thing in the spheres where I lead. I don’t label myself as a “woman leader” when I walk into a room. I am simply, a leader. I’m not sure I’ve ever had an issue with being “taken seriously”, because I try to walk in the confidence of my calling.

Whether man or woman, you are taken seriously by leading well. Getting an education. Backing up the talk with action. Increasing your emotional intelligence. Loving the people, you serve. Becoming better at what you do by being teachable. Living with integrity publicly and privately. That brings lots of challenges, but I’m not sure they are uniquely female.

I would say the particularly female challenge for many, and it was for me, was coming to terms theologically with what I understood was the calling of God on my life to lead. It wasn’t just should I go in this direction, but actually, is this in obedience and alignment with scripture? I don’t think men ask that question when stepping into leadership, and for me growing up with very few models of women in leadership, it was a wrestle initially to come to understand the amazing opportunities there are for women to lead or pastor. Now, I hope the generation coming up after me has many amazing examples of men and women to follow after as mentors and models of leadership.

You are like me, you grew up in a couple of different countries and like to travel. What has all those experiences taught you as a person?

The biggest thing for me, beyond a desperate desire to travel every month, is that there are lots of ways to do things, and just because something is different doesn’t make it wrong. There are many ways to get to a similar goal: making a meal, raising children, leading a country, worshipping Jesus… all can have a few approaches with pros and cons to them, and we are more the same than we are different as humanity. I hope it’s made me be a more open-minded person to new ideas, people, and foods.

In life, we all go through challenges. Give me an example of something you have been through and how you are dealing with it?

A current challenge I’m going through is learning to grieve well. I’ve experienced a lot of deaths in my family in the past year, and my father who has Parkinson’s and dementia has really taken a turn for the worse in 2019. It’s a strange thing to grieve someone who is still alive, yet each month we lose more and more of who we knew him to be, so it is prolonged grief. I’m learning that I’m stronger than I thought I was. I’m learning to be gentle to myself. I’m learning what it looks like to serve someone who once served me. I’m drinking lots of coffee, praying lots for endurance, and trying to keep a great sense of humour about it all.

As a Millennial what are some of the challenges your generation is facing?

The biggest one that comes to mind, is that a lot of experts talk about this as a “fatherless” generation. A lot of the struggles for identity, purpose, career and education pursuits, financial stability, and more seem to stem from so many people lacking a solid father figure to guide them and love them in a consistent way. This is not my own personal story, but absent or just unavailable dads is a major marker of this generation. It leaves an amazing opportunity in the church for men to rise up and disciple a few younger people around them, caring for them with the love and wisdom of a father.

I have known you for a decade. Any advice you would give to your younger self?

I’d probably tell her to treat everyone with more kindness than she thinks they deserve, including kindness towards herself. And to buy as much Toronto real estate as possible before the prices went nuts

Rapid Fire questions

Favorite restaurant in TO

Depends on the occasion, but I love “La Carnita” on John St for out of this world tacos. And a little Italian place in Leslieville called “Frankie’s” that changes its fresh pasta menu every week.

Favorite café

Boxcar Social. Best coffee in the city (IMO).

Steak with which wine

Steak- medium-rare. Wine- I’m not an expert. When out, I usually just do the house red or a Cabernet Sauvignon.

Favorite beer

Jelly King, from Bellwoods Brewery. It’s a local sour beer from Toronto.

Favorite author

C.S. Lewis. A brilliant mind, and a life-long influence on my understanding of God. From a childhood in Narnia, to adolescence in his apologetics, to a seminary student taking a course on his evangelism style, to an adult finding comfort in a Grief Observed.

Favorite city

Toronto! And then: Marseille France, Amsterdam Netherlands, San Diego USA, Istanbul Turkey.

Name of one famous you want to have a meal with?

Famous people don’t appeal to me much. I’d rather have dinner with current friends or my grandparents who died before I met them.

The post Joanna Lafleur: 21st century’s Aimee McPherson appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

admin — Sun, 09 Aug 2020 17:34:47 +0000

As I continue my series on the practical aspects of our faith, I sit down with Tiffany and talk about the practical side of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which goes by its nickname, Mormons.

Sherlyn is part of the XYZ church. A consumer by nature, she is looking for a perfect church with the perfect pastor, perfect building, perfect message to meet her needs. She has never accepted her own brokenness. She cannot spell grace.

Josh is one of the deacons at XYZ. He sends monthly emails about scriptures, which he thinks will encourage people. However, he has never invited anyone over to his place, visited anyone, or felt the need to. His ‘spiritual’ emails are full of legalism.

Jasmine has all the boxes ticked as a loyal member of XYZ. She gives weekly, prays daily, and conforms to all the ethos of XYZ. She only hangs around those who go to her church. She has no friends outside the church. She is a conformist.

XYZ has been around for three decades. Its vision statement is to spread the gospel. In three decades, it has never crossed the membership number of 50. It is dead in the water.

Tiffany, Josh, and Jasmine all follow the Jewish Messiah and Rabbi, who was a robust and dynamic game-changer in his society. He called the legalists’ whitewashed tombs, the conformists to sell everything, and the critical to look at the huge lumber in their own eye. So often we forget the message of the Jewish Rabbi. In our own insecurities, we become judgmental, think we are better, look down on those who do not follow him, and think that by ticking all the right boxes, we will make it to the pearly gates.

Tiffany welcome and let’s start by telling me a little about you?

Hi, I’m Tiffany, and I run the blog Saving Talents. I’m married with 3 kids, currently ages 7, 4, and 2 months. I got my degree in math education and taught for several years before staying home when my husband (Phillip) and I started having children. I’m about to start my third year homeschooling the kids. I also have severe Crohn’s disease, which plays a big part in my life – I spend a lot of time in the hospital. My family and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We live in Houston, Texas in the USA.

Talk to me about the Latter-Day Saints. What kind of faith it is, who you worship, and what do you on Sundays?

So, the full name of our religion is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We have the nickname of “Mormons” but as a church, we don’t like it very much because people don’t know that we believe in Jesus Christ. We believe in Him as the Savior of the world who died on a cross and was resurrected. It is a Christian religion, but because of the nickname, people don’t know that we are, in fact, Christians.

Well, COVID has definitely limited our Sunday activities, but pre-pandemic we would meet together in one of the thousands of church buildings across the world for services. The first hour is spent listening to talks (like speeches) that members of the congregation prepare in advance. We also partake of the sacrament (like communion, only we use bread and water) to remember that Jesus died for our sins. The second hour we divide by ages and attend Sunday School classes.

The unique thing about our religion is that we have what is called a “lay clergy.” This means that our bishops and other leaders are volunteers. They are just regular members of the congregation who are asked to volunteer their time for a few years to lead. They are not paid, and they have jobs and families of their own. When their time is done, they are given other assignments (like maybe a Sunday School teacher) and someone else takes their place for a few years.

Do you have to go and become a missionary when you are a teenager?

So, I didn’t have to be a missionary, but I chose to be one! I went when I was 21, and I was a missionary for 18 months. Phillip also chose to be a missionary, and he served for 2 years starting from when he was 19.

I used the word “served” because missionaries are not paid! In fact, they actually pay the money themselves to go be a missionary! We also don’t choose where we go – we fill out paperwork and an assignment comes from Church headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Our church (16+ million members worldwide, with more members outside of the USA than in the USA) is run by a man we believe to be a prophet of God, just like Noah or Moses or Abraham was a prophet. He is helped by 12 Apostles and 2 counselors (who are also Apostles). They are Apostles just like Peter, James and John were apostles, with the same authority that Jesus Christ gave to them 2,000 years ago.

All missionary assignments are given by one of these 15 men. They receive the paperwork, pray for inspiration, and make an assignment. It isn’t delegated out or randomly chosen, or even looked at logically. These men are told by God through the Holy Spirit where each individual missionary is supposed to go.

I was assigned to Puerto Rico – and I didn’t speak Spanish! I quickly learned, though, and am still fluent even though it’s been over 10 years. I also spent some time in Barbados and the Dominican Republic as part of that service.

I love the name of your blog? Talk to me about it and the unique name?

After starting a couponing blog several years ago (which we later sold), Phillip and I realized quickly that saving money is more than just using coupons and making budgets. It’s an entire lifestyle where you try to be a wise steward of your money. The more we studied the parable of the wise steward (also known as the parable of the talents and is found in Matthew 25:14-30)), the more we wanted to share these everlasting gospel truths and principles with others.

Where “Saving Talents” comes from

Each of the words in “saving talents” has two different meanings.

Saving – the act or instance of economizing; protecting from depletion or destruction
Saving – preservation from spiritual danger or destruction (specifically referring to the Atonement of Jesus Christ saving us from the fall, death, and hell)
Talents – a unit of weight that measures 75 lbs. 75 lbs of gold today would be worth about $1,116,000 today.
Talents – special often athletic, creative, or artistic aptitudes; mental or spiritual attainment of gifts

Four meanings of Saving Talents:

Because each word has two meanings, when you combine them together, you end up with four different purposes of saving talents:

Putting money aside; frugal living.
Using money in a way to help us towards our salvation. Being wise stewards, helping the less fortunate.
Using and developing the attributes and gifts we naturally have so that we do not lose them; (e.g., continuing to practice the piano so that our skills are protected and do not deplete from lack of use)
Gaining and using gifts (physical, mental, and spiritual) to help work out our own salvation and that of others.

Your blog talks a lot about the Book of Mormons. I have heard about the Bible and all the characters. What is the Book of Mormons and what is the most important message from it?

The absolutely most important message in the Book of Mormon is that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.

Some people think that the Book of Mormon is our version of the Bible, but it’s not! The Bible was written by the ancient prophets in the Old World – Jerusalem, Egypt, etc. God spoke to prophets, and they wrote down what He told them. Eventually Jesus was born and His life and the words of His Apostles are also part of the Bible. Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints love the Bible! We believe it is scripture, just as all other Christians do.

But we also believe that God loves all of His children, not just those who lived in the Old World. Around 600 BC when Jerusalem was being taken over and the 12 tribes of Israel were being scattered (at the time of the prophet Jeremiah), one man and his family were warned by God to leave. With God’s help, they crossed the ocean and landed in the Americas. God assigned men to be prophets to these people as well, and the Book of Mormon is their writings. Mormon is the name of one of the key prophets who combined all of the writings.

The Book of Mormon covers 1,000 years of history – from 600 BC to 400 AD. The most important part of the Book of Mormon occurs about ¾ of the way through, when the resurrected Christ appears to the inhabitants in the New World. After Christ was Resurrected and visited His apostles in Jerusalem, He told them (in the Bible) that He had other sheep which were not of that fold and He would visit them and there would be one-fold and one shepherd. The people of the New World were those other sheep.

So, the Book of Mormon and the Bible are both books of scripture. They are ancient writings from the time of Christ. The Bible was passed down throughout the centuries, but the Book of Mormon was engraved on gold plates and buried in the ground around 400 ADS to protect it. In the 1800s, Joseph Smith prayed to ask God which church to join. God and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph and eventually Joseph was led to where the plates had been buried for 1,400 years. With the power of God, Joseph translated it into English.

We love both books. In fact, most of us have purchased our Bible and our Book of Mormon as one book bound together, with footnotes that span both works!

I love your article on casting stones at others. It is a unique article and I was surprised by it. Give me a short version of it?

In the Bible, there is a woman who was an adulteress. The law commanded that she should be stoned to death, and Jesus was asked His opinion. He answered, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” The idea of “casting stones” means to not judge others.

I love the symbolism of stones, however, that occur in the scriptures. They show up so many places as being of help. So, my post is why you should cast stones at people – just different kinds of stones than what the Pharisees said to cast.

Stones of help (1 Samuel 7:12)
Stones of missionary work (Daniel 2:34)
Stones of empathy (Revelation 2:17)
And many others.

I want to know about the practicalities of your faith in terms of peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, unconditional love, and serving?

As you may have inferred from the fact that we don’t have any paid clergy, our church is all about service! In addition to all assignments being service-based, we also try very hard to serve others around the world who are not of our faith.

Missionaries, for example, are strongly encouraged to provide service in the areas where they are assigned. The “Mormon Helping Hands” are local members who show up after natural disasters to help recover. When Hurricane Harvey hit here in Houston, for example, members of our local congregations were organized and sent out each Sunday for cleanup. Usually, the yellow shirts that they all wear are the first ones to show up in an emergency, and our buildings are used as control centers.

Our church also spends millions of dollars in funds each year to help third world countries and impoverished nations with water, vaccinations, food, medical supplies, and other needs. However, we try not to publicize it a lot. We don’t do it for the recognition or praise of man. We do it because we are all God’s children.

That’s the basis for a lot of what we do – we are all children of God. We have conservative Christian beliefs, but we also recognize a huge difference between people’s values and the choices they make. For example, in the USA the Church spoke out against gay marriage because we believe it should be between one man and one woman. However, in Salt Lake City, Utah, where Church headquarters are, they have actively lobbied for legislation that prohibits housing and job discrimination for LGBTQ.

We also believe very, very strongly in forgiveness. God loves all His children. He has commandments and requirements, but there is SO much more than death, immediate judgment, and heaven or hell. There are many layers and parts that answer questions like “what about those who die who never heard of Christ?” that are unanswered (or have tragic answers) by other Christian denominations.

My articles that have done the best on all social media channels especially on Pinterest is about Self-Care. Talk to me about self-care from your faith perspective?

Our religion focuses on living a balanced lifestyle. One of our prophets once said that each of us has a four-fold responsibility: first, our families; second, our employers; third, the Lord’s work (meaning Church assignments); and fourth, ourselves.

That responsibility for ourselves includes the importance of living a balanced life. The program for our children and teenagers includes setting personal goals in each of the four categories: educational, physical, spiritual, and social.

https://savingtalents.com/how-to-set-goals-for-growth-as-jesus-did/

While we recognize that it’s important to care for yourself, it is equally important to care for others. We’ve learned that when things seem the most difficult when you reach out to find someone you can help, your own burdens are lessened.

How does your church deal with people who have depression?

Many Christian religions recognize depression, but they also feel that suicide is a sin that cannot be recovered from. In our religion, we strongly believe that God is the final judge. Mental illness, such as depression, is just as real of tribulation in this life as any physical disability. Physical and mental trials are not a reflection of all of a person’s righteousness.

One of our Apostles gave a church-wide talk (speech) a few years ago that talks about this. I can’t even begin to summarize his words on the subject, so I will provide the link to the video and transcript. In this setting, he is speaking at our semi-annual worldwide conference, so it is official Church doctrine.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng

In another semi-annual worldwide conference, one of our female leaders spoke specifically about depression and suicide. Again, her words are much more powerful than any summation I can give.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/10/31aburto?lang=eng

Some of us come to faith as a brand-new Mercedes, some as a Toyota, some as a broken-down Ford and others as a rusty car. We are all broken. However, we need to become intentional in getting help with our issues talk to me about it?

I think that my answers for the two previous questions answer this. We believe in setting specific goals on a regular basis to improve ourselves and lead a balanced life. And those who struggle with mental illness are strongly encouraged to reach out for help.

Our church also has free worldwide programs for addiction recovery, counseling services, disability resources, food support, and even immigration services. These can all be found at this website:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/callings/welfare-self-reliance/services-and-programs?lang=eng

Marriage and parenting are the two most difficult things I have done. Talk to me about what you have learned from marriage and becoming a mother?

Oh, my goodness, parenting is one of the most difficult things I have ever done! Actually, I think marriage has been easy. At least, it’s easier for me than for Phillip. I spent the first several years of our marriage in and out of the hospital – the first 9 months alone I was hospitalized 13 times. And then after the birth of our first (with less than 2 years of marriage), I was hospitalized 10 times in 5 months.

Because of all of those hospitalizations and being on my literal deathbed multiple times, Phillip and I have dealt with more than a typical newlywed couple would. As a result, our relationship is more like one of 25 years together than just the 8 we have now! I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve actually lost our tempers with one another. We’ve definitely learned a lot from having health issues. I outline the key lessons in this blog post:

https://savingtalents.com/lessons-from-health-issues-in-marriage/

Parenting, on the other hand, is hard. I think the #1 lesson I’ve learned from parenting is that I’m a selfish person. Almost always, when I get frustrated with my kids, it’s because they’ve done something that makes extra work for me. Whether it’s interrupting me while trying to blog, not putting on shoes fast enough to get out the door, or making a big mess, any time I lose control of my emotions and am grumpy, it’s because it’s about ME and not about THEM.

What does woman empowerment mean to you?

That’s a hard one to answer. I want to be able to explain this well, and I hope I’m not misunderstood.

We believe very strongly that men and women have equal value and worth. We do believe that we have God-given gender responsibilities, but those exist in a perfect world. It’s up to each individual family to look at those responsibilities and then ask God how to apply them to their specific situations. The source of this comes from a church statement called The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-/1995/10/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

Again, those occur in a perfect world. Female empowerment is helping women rise to the same level of worth as men in the eyes of society. Equal pay for women, for example.

However, I personally have been concerned that a lot of the movement to improve women’s status is coming at the expense of men. It is possible to raise women up without pulling men down, but I don’t see that happening as much as I’d like. I wrote a blog post about this for Father’s Day.

https://savingtalents.com/honoring-fathers-the-way-we-do-mothers/

I think women’s empowerment is vital and necessary – no woman should be demeaned or treated poorly because of her gender. She shouldn’t be belittled or man-splained or anything like that. I do think it’s important that we don’t swing too far in the other direction, though, and try to pull men down as we pull ourselves up.

Talk to me about the city you live in the food scene and why we should visit?

I love being in Houston. It’s one of the most culturally diverse cities in the United States. The people are kind, and I love the feel of the South. We’ve lived here for three years now, and it’s been one of the best places I’ve ever lived. There’s a bit of almost everything you could want.

There are so many reasons to visit! The NASA Space Center, the beaches in Galveston, the yearly Houston Rodeo, and so much more.

With Crohn’s disease, I’m afraid I don’t eat out very much, especially in Houston! Because it’s so diverse, there are restaurants with almost any type of cuisine you could imagine. However, if you want “legit” Houston food, then you’re going to want to try a BBQ or steak house, or some good ol’ fashioned Tex-Mex (which is Mexican food, but Texas style).

Tell me a good joke?

A Muslim, a Hindu and a Mormon walk into a bar

The bartender says, “Ah the people you run into when you lose your liquor license.”

The post The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Child of God

admin — Sun, 26 Jul 2020 17:45:09 +0000

Sarah talks about learning through life’s complexities. I talk to her about her claim being a child of God, marriage, motherhood, unconditional love, and patience in her faith.

Welcome to my series on practical faith. I have said countless times that it is easy to memorize scripture. It is even easier to preach it and text it. Faith is challenged when the rubber hits the road. It is a different ball game to put faith into practice. However, people notice unconditional love when you serve them and do not want anything in return, and just be there for them. It is this part of practical faith that fascinates me.

Sarah, welcome to my blog. I want to know a little about you?

Hi! My name is Sarah Styf. Despite being a California baby, I spent most of my life raised in the Midwest. When I married my husband, we stayed in the Midwest for thirteen more years but traded Michigan for Indiana. We became Midwest transplants to Texas five years ago and we love the warmer winters. We have two amazing kiddos (11 and 9) and two middle-aged dogs. I’m a high school English teacher and yearbook advisor who loves to write in my “spare” time.

You make a bold statement on all your social media channels that you are a child of God. Talk to me about this statement. What does it mean? How can we embrace it in our hearts and minds?

Being a child of God means that, that is my first identity. I love Jesus, I love the gospel, and I believe that should drive my every action. Sure, I’m sinful and I screw up (a lot), but at the end of the day, how I approach the world and how I treat people should reflect that identity. I want the rest of the world to know that God loves and forgives us even in our brokenness. Jesus came to rescue the lost. I think that a lot of people have forgotten that and need to remember that in their interaction with others.

Walk me through your dating relationship. How did it evolve to marriage and to husband and wife? I am sure it is a perfect marriage?

Jeff and I met shortly after we graduated from the SAME high school. There were only about 250 in our graduating class, but because I was a junior transfer, we somehow never met. Mutual friends introduced us just because they wanted me to hang out with them after closing at McDonald’s. Honestly, it was a really rocky start, especially since I was headed to Nebraska and he was staying in Michigan. But when we finally started officially dating, we worked out the distance. Our marriage has been nearly 20 years of growing together. I often say that long-distance was terrible but it made us better. We both spent time discovering ourselves and having our own adult lives (as much as college kids can) before we got married and had to learn how to grow together. And we have to work on our marriage constantly. We aren’t perfect, but we are perfect for each other. God knew that which is why I’m pretty sure we didn’t meet until after graduation. We never would have dated if we knew each other in high school. We were too different at that point in our lives.

Motherhood has its own expectations. Anything about it surprised you? What have you learned from that experience?

I didn’t know the depth of the love I would have for my kids and just how different my relationships would be with them. I’ve worked really hard to keep communication open with them and be honest with them (in age-appropriate ways) about everything. I have such deep conversations with my 11-year-old daughter and I hope that she always sees me as someone she can come to. It is the hardest and most rewarding job in the world.

My daughter and son teach me every day about unconditional love, patience, and myself …This is a powerful statement on your blog. Help me understand this statement?

I see so much of myself in both kids in different ways. I’ve learned a lot about my own personality watching them grow up and it’s helped me better understand why I responded to things as a child as I watch them. And being a parent takes so much patience because when our kids are holding up a mirror to us, it is hard to accept. And they are unpredictable. I often struggle with my own kids in ways that I don’t struggle with my teenage students because those kids are the same with each group that comes in. Teenagers are teenagers. But your own kids grow up and they keep changing the rules. Just when you think you have them figured out, they grow up and change again.

I was unemployed, my wife was diagnosed and my mother became very sick. Talk about a perfect storm. I dug deeper into my faith, deeper in my relationships with other people. Talk to me about the challenges you have faced as an individual and how you have overcome them?

I moved during some pretty important periods in my life, particularly during important parts of my adolescence. It is something I still struggle with because trust and relationships were disrupted enough times that I struggle with that as an adult. When we moved to another city while our daughter was a baby, I found myself regressing into my teenage self because I didn’t want to move but we had to move as a family. That was a really dark time for me personally but we worked through it as a family. I really started writing again at that time. We struggled to get pregnant with our daughter, and now I feel the need to be open about that because so many couples suffer through that in silence. We shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about something that impacts thousands of couples a year. My faith and my husband are with me all the time. God guides me but my husband has supported me through some really difficult emotional times.

I see bumper stickers of ‘I love Jesus’ many bloggers have ‘love Jesus’ as their mantra. Talk to me about the practical aspects of ‘loving Jesus’. To me means loving others unconditionally and serving. I have to say in our individual western culture, Christians are failing.

We need to treat people the way we want to be treated. We need to treat all people like human beings deserving of life. I believe Americans take too much pride in our individualism. Human beings are supposed to be dependent on each other. That is how we were created. We need other people to function as a healthy society. And yes, we need to embrace serving each other. Unfortunately, our current political division makes what should be a natural outpouring of our faith in a political statement, and that needs to change.

There is something catchy about your blog ‘accepting the unexpected journey’ What do you mean by this?

Everything in my life has been unexpected and I write about my life. Using that as the anchor for my blog helps me circle everything back to the idea that life is a journey and we don’t get to plan it, we just have to live it the best we can.

As an extrovert this whole social distance and isolation are making me struggle, what about you as an introvert?

Being an introvert makes it a little easier because I’m not freaking out about seeing everyone, but I do miss my closest people. And when we were all tightly quarantining, it was ROUGH. We were all on top of each other and no one had any personal space or alone time. I really miss alone time.

The post Child of God appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

To err is human, to forgive, divine

admin — Thu, 21 May 2020 10:31:58 +0000

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong – Mahatma Gandhi

To err is human, to forgive, divine – Alexander Pope

Romance to ruin

It was my tenth wedding anniversary. I was excited to have made it this far.

As we celebrate in a fine dining restaurant on the Mayan Riviera, I ask Debbie how we are doing as a couple. I love asking Debbie this question. You see, in the last decade, she had never criticized me. On the other hand, if I ask my daughter how I am doing as a father, I always get a list of things I need to work on.

I am excited. Debbie will tell me that I have been sensitive, gentle, romantic and will thank me for bringing us to this amazing resort. The ego is waiting to be fed.

‘Jerry, I have to be honest with you about something. The first is that you are a lousy sleeper. The second is that every time we hang around certain people, you are not the same person for a week.

‘Wow! Wow! Wow! Hold on a minute…what do you mean I am a lousy sleeper?’

‘Well, it takes you an hour for you to go to sleep. You are always twisting and turning. And even when you sleep it feels like you are fighting someone’.

‘OK, OK, I get it. What about the second comment?’

Debbie names a few people.

Walk on the beach

In life, have you ever felt like someone has put a knife inside you? How about when they turn it and sprinkle salt and vinegar on the wound? That is how I was feeling.

After dinner, I took a long walk on the beach.

As the waves were fighting the gravitational pull of the earth and the moon, I was fighting what Debbie just told me.

However, it did explain something. All my life I have always felt tired. I have never pulled an all-nighter in my whole life. Debbie was so true about some of the names she mentioned.

I had to do something about it.

Around this same time, 7 men involved in my wedding got divorced. We also had a reunion from St. Andrews in New York and a classmate who lives less than an hour’s drive never showed up. After two years of planning, a university reunion did not occur because people could not decide which hotel to stay at.

Face to face with forgiveness

Keep in mind, that hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain they have some unresolved issues. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily – Joel Osteen

I am in Dr. Lin’s office. I told her about the talk I had with my wife. She asks me a few questions about my past. After an hour, we come to a mutual decision that I need help. I made a request about what kind of shrink I want (the control freak in me).

My first appointment with Coleen resulted in me talking about how many friends I had. She tells me that if anyone has more real friends than their fingers, there is an issue there. I learned not to try to impress her anymore.

It was a long, painful, difficult process. For the first three years, I came monthly.

We talked about unconditional love, abandonment, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, dealing with issues, taking people where they are at, being broken, and forgiveness.

Dealing with the reality

I am a perfectionist, have unrealistic expectations of people, am prideful, impatient, ungrateful, co-dependent on people, and am looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong people.

I was driving my wife nuts. She would clean the whole home, and mow the lawn, Jean was in bed, and dinner was waiting for me. But I had to pinpoint that one piece of stain on the hardwood.

I had unrealistic expectations from my friends that they had to be as loyal as I was to them.

I was arrogant that I was working on Bay Street.

I was driving myself crazy that I had not made it to Vice President at 35.

I graduated from one of the best high schools on the planet. I got honors from the best hotel school in the world. I do not smoke, drink or do drugs. Porn, that is for losers who do not get the real stuff. Me broken, never. I had to come in touch with me being broken.

I had to come in touch with my own criticism and negativity, deep-rooted from my own insecurities.

I had a bad temper and was impatient.

I could not spell being grateful and forgiving.

I had kept a record of wrongs for a long time.

I did not have boundaries in my life.

As I continued to talk, email, and write letters to those who hurt me, it was like a whole burden had come off.

I was sleeping better, happier, and became a better husband and father.

What is forgiveness

Forgiveness is the willful and purposed process by which a victim undergoes a radical change in emotions, awareness, and perspective towards an offense and does not believe in being vengeful or wants compensation from the offender and wishes the offender well.

Forgiveness does not mean we condone, excuse, forget, pardon (legal), or seek reconciliation from the offender.

Research has shown that forgiving other people is better for your health.

Am I perfect today? No. I still struggle with many issues and am more aware of them. I make fun of my perfectionism. If someone is rude or cuts me on the highway, I try not to take it personally.

I promise you I am not the same person that I was five years ago.

I warn you not everyone will be happy with this new you. You will gain and lose some relationships. Not everyone is comfortable with change.

As you read this article, please call someone who has hurt you or you have hurt. Forgive the other person. Trust me you will come out ahead. Write to me about how this process has helped you.

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