Dating is a stage in a romantic relationship, where two people meet to assess each other’s suitability as a future partner.

The Feast of St. Valentine, St. Valentine’s Day, or Valentine’s Day is celebrated annually on February 14. It started as a Christian festival to honor the Christian Martyrdom of St. Valentine. February 14 has become an important cultural, commercial and religious celebration globally about love and romance.

Pastor Mark Strickland is the Senior Pastor at Milton Bible Church. I catch up with him to give us some advice on dating and marriage.

Pastor Mark, welcome to my blog.  Tell my audience something important about you?

Thanks, Jerry!  I don’t think of myself as being that important!  What I believe is important is investing in other people and having a strong faith to guide your decisions in life!  That compass of faith, for me, has kept me grounded and has been a reservoir of strength in our marriage.

Mark, during what part of the dating process did you know that Wendy was the one for you?

When Wendy and I were dating, she said something one day that made me realize it.  She said that she respected me and that even if we didn’t always see eye to eye of things, she would support me in life.  The irony of what she said is that it made me want to see eye to eye with her and I value her perspective.  By Wendy being willing to respect me with no strings attached, I actually ended up respecting her more.  The Apostle Paul sums it up in Ephesians 5:21, “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  If you can find someone who will do this with you, they just might be the one!

I am sure dating was just fine with no problems and everything was smooth?

Haha, yes?  Wendy and I had known each other for several years as friends.  This helped because we had an idea of what we were getting into when we started dating.  Another thing, looking back on it, is that we both held similar core convictions around faith and life, as did our families.  When you’re dating a person and you’re on the same page in several facets of life, it helps with the “smoothness”.  There were some minor things along the way to work on, mostly on my end, but overall we were very similar which helped us a lot.  When I counsel younger people today, I encourage them to date others who they know they can “be on the same page” with, in terms of convictions and core values.

Marriage changes you forever. How have you changed over the years?

I have less hair!

Honestly, I think marriage (and kids) makes you less selfish.  It’s not about you.  It’s about us.  Almost every decision I make usually factors my marriage into the equation.  I’ve said no to really good things so I can say yes to a better thing: my family.

Marriage has its ups and downs. However, we have to make it through. Help me understand that in your situation?

We are one of those couples that don’t have a dramatic up and down moment or anything.  That doesn’t make us better or worse, it’s just our story.  When we were dating and got engaged, we made a covenant to each other that divorce would never be an option.  For us, that commitment underpins our whole marriage.  We don’t even think “we have to make through” because not making it through isn’t an option on the table.  Although we’ve never had to use counseling for marriage, I absolutely endorse it to couples who are struggling and would use it if required.  Do whatever it takes to work on yourself and ultimately work on your marriage.

Give the younger generation some tips on how to be a good husband and father?

Think about the other person.  Be a team player for your family.  My job is Sunday-Thursday, Wendy’s is Monday-Friday.  I have Friday’s off.  For some guys that would mean playing golf, sleeping, video games, etc.  That’s not a family/team mentality.  My Friday look’s like this: pick up groceries, clean the house, pay bills, take kids, cars, animals to appointments.  Wendy is the same.  Our mentality is when you see something that needs to get done, do it.  Be a team.  We’ve brought our kids into this, too.  Our oldest son helps his sisters with homework, the kids help with chores on Saturday morning, etc.  They don’t always love it, and Wendy and I don’t always enjoy the stuff we do.  But that’s a part of what character is about – perseverance.  The Bible puts it this way in James 1 – “Perseverance must finish it’s work so you are mature and complete.”  Persevere and be a team player.

Romance needs to be kept alive in a marriage…..explain?

You shouldn’t really ever stop dating and being romantic.  I’m no Romeo but I try to bring flowers home for Wendy regularly, I try to publicly praise her, and we do our best to go on dates regularly.  We make it a habit to get away for a couple of weekends a year, which is always a highlight.  Some older couples are all mushy and overly cheesy about romance.  Wendy and I don’t do that – it makes us feel uncomfortable!  But we love each other deeply, which keeps romance constant in our marriage.

I am sure you never argue, never fight, and just have this amazing perfect marriage.

True.  Okay, not true!  We fight from time to time, as do most couples.  Sometimes you’ll hear people say, “always resolve a fight before you go to bed.”  It’s based on this verse in Ephesians 6, “don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”  We took it literally for the first couple years of our marriage and it led to some brutal late-night arguments.  What we learned about us (and this will be different for every couple) is that we actually often need to go to bed and by the time we wake up whatever we were fighting about seems trivial and we apologize and move on.  The principle is to deal with your anger/fights.  It doesn’t mean you have to stay up till 3 am figuring that out.  Just make sure it’s dealt within a reasonable time – don’t let the sun go down on a fight so that it festers in your heart.

Anything you want to say to your younger self?

Before having kids, go see a gazillion movies in the theaters.

How are food, faith, finance, and family important to you?

That’s a big question.

Food is essential for life.  Wendy and I’s relationship with food has changed over the years, probably for the better.  In our younger days we would eat out a lot, and freestyle grocery shopping and meals.  These days we make a weekly food plan, build out a shopping list, and usually buy groceries online and pick them up at the curb.  It gives us more time together (you can order on the couch watching TV) and gives me more time on Fridays for family things (take 5 minutes to pick up the groceries).

Faith, as you’ve picked up in this interview, is core to our identity.  The only person we love more than each other is God.  That might sound weird, but when you consider that God is the only perfect being who will never let you down, it’s important to find your identity and meaning in Him first.  Out of the strength of who God is, and a relationship with Him, you will be a better spouse to each other.  In all my years as a pastor, I’ve never met a couple who’ve said, “going to church and being a Christian made our life and our family worse!”

Finances for us have been a journey but we’ve developed a system that works.  We practice a monthly budget and allot specific amounts in different categories.  This allows us to save for a few months at a time to buy larger purchases while guaranteeing we have our monthly and in and out money for gas, groceries, kids stuff, etc.  We aren’t chasing money or riches.  Everything we have is God’s, and He just asks us to use the resources in our care wisely.  That’s our goal.

Family, well family is great.  We are the kind of family that likes to do life together.  Even if just Wendy or I could run out to the store and get something, we’ll take everyone and make it an adventure.  We make sure our kids hear that we love them daily, and do what we can to support their dreams, skills, and interests.  We really try to protect our family dinner table.  We eat at the table, TV is off, phones are away, and we make it about our day and our lives.  It’s a time for conversation and sharing of life.  If there’s one thing every family can do that will set kids up for success, eat dinner together, as much as possible.

The post Pastor Mark Strickland: Practical Advice on Dating and Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Just type dating in the 21st century and you get sixty million results. There is online dating, speed dating, friends with benefits dating, and the list never ends. I live in a city of six million people, and the number one complaint I hear from women is where are the men? Tia Conner coaches single women for dating in becoming the right woman rather than looking for the right man.

Tia, please share with my audience something about you?

Hi Jerry! Thank you so much for taking the time to interview me for your blog. It means a lot to me that you appreciate my line of work and want to help me share my passion with others.

My name is Tia Conner and I am a Certified Life Coach and a Certified Professional Coach. I have been coaching since 2014 and I’m truly blessed that I get to have fun every day when I go to “work.”

When people would ask me what was I passionate about, I was never one to say ‘oh I am passionate about acting’ or ‘I’m passionate about marketing and business development.’ My answer would always fall back to “I am passionate about helping people.” And that’s what I get to do every single day and I love it!

A fun fact that most people do not know about me is that I love pageantry and salsa dancing. When I was younger, I always wanted to become Miss America or Miss USA. In fact, in my younger years, I competed for my local/state preliminary for Miss USA. Did I win… no, but I tied for top 10. That experience taught me so many valuable skills and life lessons.

I know you offer the Purposely Aligned Signature Course. What is it about? Who is it for? How does it benefit women?

My course, Purposely Aligned Signature Course is an 8-week transformation course geared towards single women. In these 8 weeks, I teach single women to become mentally attractive by eliminating stress and manxiety, inspiring breakthroughs, and aligning them to their Godly purpose while in their waiting season.

This course benefits women because most women want a happy and healthy relationship. However, I think it is important for women to realize that it starts with going within. Understanding common traits that hinder them from achieving this goal of meeting their mate. So in my course, we go within, figure out the why’s and how’s of their challenges and then we transform them.

You talk about you were in a dead-end job and your dating life was dead in the water. You turned it around. Walk me through how you did it?

Whew… that’s such a loaded topic lol. Yes, so my previous job, as a Product Specialist, for an automotive maker didn’t have room to grow. I was basically a glorified spokesmodel. Although there were many perks, ie: travel, there were many challenges. I graduated with my MBA several years prior and I didn’t feel as if I was utilizing my degree. Additionally, there were many toxic experiences that happened in that environment ranging from sexual harassment all the way to racism. So with all of that being compounded, I knew in my heart that it was time for me to go. There was just so much imbalance and uncertainty and it also made dating extremely hard.

I realized that I was taking on toxic behaviors in my dating life because I was surrounded by toxicity. I became emotionally unavailable to attracting emotionally unavailable men. It was a cycle! A terrible one!

I was able to turn it around by getting REAL with myself. I had to do a lot of work! During that time I found so many golden nuggets that helped me and I’ve basically collected those nuggets and created my course around it. These same nuggets I’ve coach individual clients with and any received great results.

Some women get eager, anxious with their waiting season and the biological clock is running against them. What do you tell these women?

I tell women to relax and be anxious for nothing. Being in that energy or headspace does nothing but create more anxiety in that area of their life. When that happens, that’s when bad choices are made and they’ll try to make a square peg fit in a round hole. I encourage them to get mentally attractive first and then the rest will fall into place!

Is dating on Tinder good for our self-esteem and how does it affect us negatively?

I think that online dating once was a good thing but took a turn for the worst. At the beginning of online dating, it made sense for those who have a busy life and created an opportunity to meet people that you wouldn’t otherwise meet. I think now, dating apps make dating more complicated. It became impersonal and made it a lot harder for those looking to a serious relationship to find one because of all of the “posers” they have to sift through.

What are the three qualities women need to see in a man before they decide they want to marry him? Please do not tell me he needs to love God and be super spiritual. That can be faked.

The top 3 qualities that a woman should look for are:

• Consistent action, do his actions match his words? Choose someone who keeps choosing you.
• Does he make you laugh…that’s key. You want to be with someone who can put a smile on your face.
• Integrity… I think that’s self-explanatory. However, you want to be with someone who has integrity and is honest. Basically someone who believes in doing the right thing.

You asked for 3 but my 4th is someone who loves their mother. I am a firm believer of how he treats his mother is how he will treat you.

Do you believe that God has someone out there for us or we need to become intentional and go out there and find a man?

Hmmm, interesting question…

I think it can be both. James 2:14-26 says “Faith without works is dead.” But if you are actively searching, do so with the right spirit, mindset, and intentions.

I have a few female friends who are too picky and they have these high expectations that even Jesus could not meet. They want a tall, dark, handsome, great career, super sensitive, and a believer. Talk to me what do you tell these women?

I say that it’s ok to have standards but if you are expecting the impossible, then you are potentially bypassing your Mr. Right. You have to learn to relax. What are the absolute deal breakers? and what are the things are a nice-to-have but it’s ok if they don’t have it?

Food, faith, finance, and family, how do you balance all of this?

It’s about carving out time and creating balance for these things that are important to me. I also live by a schedule to see/call my key tribe members. I designate time to manage my financing a bi-weekly basis. Faith is a daily practice before I start my day.

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