An important quote to empower your daughter by Amy Tenney.

‘The world needs strong women. Women who will lift and build others, who will love and be loved. Women who live bravely, bother tender and fierce. Women of indomitable will.’

Jean had been accepted as an intern for 8 weeks in a nonprofit in another city. It was the first day of her work and I was dropping her off at the train station. It was a two-hour ride to another city. She would work from Tuesday to Saturday and be living with someone.

My heart was in my mouth. As I came back to the car, my wife was crying. She was scared.

Jean was confident, excited, and looking forward to this new adventure. She is only 17.

It is 2021. There is a tectonic shift away from patriarchy. Women are detaching themselves from stereotypes and creating their own unique path to success, happiness, and existence on their terms. The question I have for parents. Are you ready to support and empower your daughter as she navigates the 21^st century?

Here I lay down some words of advice on how we can empower our daughters, build confidence, create healthy self-esteem and cultivate motivation. An empowered daughter is secure in herself, takes action, makes positive choices about her life, and does positive things for other people. She thinks critically about her environment, expresses her feelings, and acknowledges the feeling of others.

I want Jean to be unique, self-reliant, fearless, and confident that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. Remember your daughter is barraged by the media that is all about her looks and weight. This negative message is a hindrance to her achieving her destiny. The stimuli damage their self-esteem and make them feel inadequate. As a parent, you need to compliment her ethics, values, morals, ideals, and talents not just looks.

‘Character. Intelligence. Strength. Style. That makes beauty.’ – Diane Von Furstenberg

Empower your daughter by loving her unconditionally

I love Jean unconditionally. I give her hugs and am affectionate toward her. I always tell her ‘I love you.’ Since the beginning, I have always made time for her. I went to her graduation, dance practices, volleyball games, and date nights. We always spend quality time playing games, watching movies, and talking. One area where I needed to get better was talking to her rather than lecturing her. It is important for parents to love their daughters unconditionally and not based on performance.

Be authentic and vulnerable with her

Try being human, real, vulnerable, and authentic around your daughter. Humans make mistakes. Admit your own weaknesses and mistakes. Communicate what you learned from those mistakes. Your daughter will make mistakes. Let her know it is part of life.

Stick to your promises

Never say you will be somewhere or take her somewhere if you will not be there. Just be open and direct about your schedule. It will help her not be disappointed.

Empower your daughter with encouragement and less discipline

Discipline is important. However, it needs to be done with love, encouragement, and focus on the outcome of discipline. If your daughter is always late or is not telling the truth, then you need to deal with it. Talk openly about how you overcame obstacles and challenges and how it was the discipline that got you through. Talk about her being late is a lack of respect for other people and how her actions impact other people.

Do not live your life through your daughter

Your daughter is unique. She was born at a different time. The biggest mistake you can make is living your life and dreams through her. This will create bitterness and anger in her. You have to find out what she is passionate about. Match her skills, and strengths with her activities. The biggest gift you can give your daughter is to allow her to be herself. It was important for her to make constructive choices about her life.

I love soccer and swimming and wanted Jean to do that. At age 4 she said she loves art and dancing. She has been doing that for thirteen years. She has thrived in expressing herself.

Do not shove your culture down her throat

If you were born in another country, it is important that you appreciate why you moved and the positive aspects of the new country. Introduce your culture to her, but also let her embrace the new culture also.

Empower your daughter by asking for her opinion

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ – Eleanor Roosevelt

As your daughter becomes a teenager she will become aware of herself, her feeling, and her thoughts. She is wired to communicate. It is a season of so much physical and emotional change surrounded by social media. It is a delicate time of being insecure. Talk to her about her opinions on different issues and listen to understand.

Help her to have healthy boundaries

I told Jean early on that she does not have to be liked by everyone or become the most popular only to lose herself. She needs to be aware of her feelings, emotions and not agree to something that goes against her ethics and moral values. This is very important otherwise you are setting her up to be codependent.

She needs to move past her comfort zone

‘I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story. I will.’ – Amy Schumer

In order for your daughter to grow, she needs to get out of her comfort zone. She should be encouraged to take risks and follow her passions. We can learn a lot from them.

She needs to be exposed to strong female role models

One of the things I did like about the internship was that not only was she working with women from Montreal and Paris but she would be trained by women from Hamilton, Ottawa, Newmarket, Halifax, and from the States. She saw female leaders in action. She participated in many activities where she was valued and it increased her sense of self and confidence.

Identify values that are important to the family

Jean knows that it is important to have meals together, spend quality time together, and also have times where we sit and talk. She knows our family values.

Travel with her

I have taken Jean to Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Panama Canal, Belize, Honduras, New York, Montreal, Halifax, Ottawa, and Frankfurt. The exposure is great for her as she sees different cultures, food, and ways of doing things. It opens her mind.

Volunteer as a family

‘People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But, people will never forget how you made them feel.’ – Maya Angelou

Jean has volunteered with me in Cuba in visiting schools and homes. In Toronto, she helped me greet people for a non-profit center. This is bonding time to show her that there is more to life than social media and that a lot of good can come out of volunteering.

Do not solve her problems

The goal is to create an independent, empowered woman and not a co-dependant. Your daughter needs to solve her own problems and issues. This will help her develop coping skills and strategies to deal with situations in life. There may be times when you disagree with your daughter but it gives her a sense of control and she needs to take responsibility for her decisions.

It is ok to disagree

‘The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.’ – Albert Einstein

When you raise an independent, empowered girl, it also means you have to live with her. She has to stand up for herself and learn how to do it in the future. She needs to stick with her convictions and not be a people or crowd-pleaser.

Know the difference between glamour sex and healthy sex

At some point, you have to talk to your daughter about sex. She needs to be aware of it. Also, the difference between sex in the media and in real life. She needs to know the difference between sex in the movies and what sex is in a loving caring relationship with emotions, feelings, intimacy, and unconditional love.

Help her to appreciate food

It is important to give your daughter fresh and healthy food. She will appreciate fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, salads, fresh meats, and dairy. Keep fast and processed food away from her.

The importance of money

You do not want your daughter to go to college or university and have no clue about money. From an early age, I taught Jean what is debit and credit. I taught her how money works. A few months back, she sat down with my financial adviser at the bank who gave her the basics of a savings account, checking account, mutual funds, credit card, and how to save money. Your daughter needs to respect money.

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There’s something extraordinary about the bond between a father and his daughter—a connection so deep, so tender, that it reshapes the very fabric of a man’s heart. Garrison Keillor once wrote that “the father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage,” and he’s right. One word, one look, one question from her—and the strongest man becomes soft clay.

From the moment I heard my daughter’s heartbeat in that clinic room, my life changed forever. What began as a clinical visit turned into a spiritual awakening. Bryan Cranston captured it perfectly: “I felt an instant, radical, unconditional love that redefined love.” That’s exactly what happened to me.

This blog is a reflection—not just on becoming a father, but on becoming a better human through that journey. It’s about miracles, perspective, and the quiet, everyday moments that teach us more than any classroom ever could. Through Jean, I’ve learned what truly matters. And maybe, as you read, you’ll be reminded of your own lessons too.

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, “Daddy, I need to ask you something,” he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. – Garrison Keillor, The Book of Guys, 1993

From the moment she was born… I felt an instant, radical, unconditional love that redefined love. – Bryan Cranston, A Life in Parts, 2016

Focus on the miracles around you

I am in the clinic with Debbie. She is three months pregnant. After the doctor checks her out, he asks me if I want to listen to Jean’s heartbeat. I said sure. As I put the diaphragm to Debbie’s stomach and the earplugs to my ear, I hear the heartbeat.

I asked Neal, what happens next. He said Mother Nature takes over.

Neal referred us to a gynecologist. We made the trip to the clinic a couple of times and everything was fine.

Jean was two weeks late. On the last day, as the blood pressure of the mother and daughter hit high, they asked me to go and change, since I wanted to cut the cord. In the time that it took me to change, four specialists and the nurse had already taken Debbie and performed the C section. I just saw them pulling Jean out.

They tapped her feet, gave an injection to her feet, wrapped her up, and handed her over to me.

A sperm and an egg meet to produce this baby.

It just hit me. The permutations and combinations that had to go exact for Jean.

It still boggles my mind. It is nothing but a miracle, the way the eye, nose, ear, and the rest of the body works.

All the specialists at the hospital said it is a miracle, the whole process.

As you go on your day to day, focus on all the miracles happening around you. You will be amazed.

What is important

There is a lot of noise and distractions out there in the world. Jean taught me to focus on what is important. I am responsible for raising this baby. This was an important task.

In life, focus on what is important. Too often we focus on the wrong things and end up losing the important things in our lives.

Be grateful

On our first visit to the doctor with Jean, I told Neal I was a little bit worried. He asked me why. I told him that Jean is so quiet, she sleeps well and barely cries. Do you think she is deaf and dumb? He said let us do one thing. I will take Jean and you can take my three-month-old colic son. Debbie explained to me what a colic kid is.

Try not to over-analyze everything in life. Be grateful and go with the flow.

Do not sweat the small stuff

It is so easy to get caught up in checking all the milestones. Jean would meet all the weight, height, walking, talking, getting out of diapers stage in time. Some happened earlier, some happened later.

In life no use sweating over the small stuff. If your car gets a flat tire, or the washing machine breaks down, that is life.

Give up control

I am a recovering control freak and perfectionist.  My life and home always reflected this. I write everything that needs to be done and depend on a calendar to organize my life. Once Jean came into my life, the control that I thought I had was gone.

The living room and the basement were always a mess. The family room did not look like the cover of the magazine. I enjoyed the time I had with her, not focusing on whether chores or other things had to be done.

In life, very few things are under our control. Let go.

Dance

As Jean turned four, I wanted to put her in swimming and soccer. These were two things that I had little knowledge of. After a few lessons, Jean told me she wanted to dance. The soccer registration form never got filled.

Jean has been dancing for ten years. She loves it. She lives and breathes it.

As I watch her classes, I am amazed at these talented athletes. I get tired just watching. The stretching, discipline of food, sleep, exercise, and keeping a balance is amazing.

Do not live your dreams through your kids. Play to their strengths.

Carpe diem

I loved Jean as a four-year-old. She had no regrets. She was young and free and was not negatively conditioned in any way. She had no concept of the future and no past experiences. She embraced the present. This is why kids are happier than adults.

Jean took pleasure in simple things. She loved having the sprinkler on her the whole day.

As adults, we are attached to our past and future. We are scared about the future and look at the past with regret. This constant struggle can mess us up.

Unconditional love

One evening as I was having dinner in a restaurant with Debbie during her final month of pregnancy, an older gentleman came up to me and said ‘Life will never be the same for you and you will see it from different eyes’.

Those words resonate with me daily. Jean has changed me and as a parent, you are not the same person. I have all this love for her which is unconditional. I will always be a parent, responsible for loving her.

Try loving people unconditionally. It will transform you.

Become a better person

Life has always been about me. However, Jean has taught me to make this world a better place. She is very conscious of the environment, water conservation, recycling, being a good citizen, and making a difference.

In life, if you are stuck in your way and not willing to embrace change and the positive aspects of the present generation, you really miss the boat.

Time

There is a reason I have left this as the last point. As parents, we focus on keeping the kids busy and buying them the latest games. Kids just need our time, our hugs, our smiles, and our reassurance. Kids do not care about your status, Facebook updates, LinkedIn profile, or net worth. They want your time.

I am so grateful to have learned all the above points and Jean has transformed me as a person.

Let me know of some other lessons that you have learned from your daughter.

Photo Credits:  Derek Thomson Nathan Dumlao Caleb Jones Morgan David de Lossy  lauren lulu taylor  Mikael Stenberg  Kelly Sikkema

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