Cristina Romero is a Spanish blogger and I catch up with her and discuss life.

Cristina, a pleasure to interview a fellow blogger. Tell my audience something important about you?

Thank you very much, Jerry. I could be compared with the hands of a clock. In other words, I am always “functioning”. I am a very active person and I don’t stay put. I do not think there are enough hours in a day to do everything I would want to do. I am very human; my heart drives me. I like to help people around me. As a result, I find it worthwhile because that shapes the person I am. In conclusion, I am a woman that is very independent, very devoted to others, with clear ideas on her mind and who doesn’t settle.

Tell me a little about your blog and why did you decide to blog?

My blog is the start of a new phase in my life. After having worked in media and communications, I stopped working full time to take care of a family member.

After two years, I created the trademark “by Tina” and designed a handbag collection of different types of material, which were made in Spain. The fixed costs were high and I did not have any financial backing. I, therefore, decided to pursue something that I liked which is writing and having my own blog.

It was challenging at the beginning and a new world for me. I thought through the whole process and designed the website by myself. I am a perfectionist by nature. I took courses on blogging and www.elblogdetina.es was born.

The blog is about my thoughts, reflections, and state of mind on various topics like a visit to a restaurant, my kids, or just cooking. It is a journey.

What kind of journalism do you specialize in? What do you like about journalism?

I have worked in the press and radio.  I did not like what I saw when I started working for different media companies. To my mind ethics are a key feature of individuals, and this should be even more highlighted when you work in the “fourth power”. When I was faced with the truth about journalism, I was hugely disappointed. My ideas around journalism pictured the great reporter investigating for news but the reality is very different.  The news is delivered to you by the big press agencies and that is a debacle for your ideas.

What does female empowerment mean to you?

I believe women need to have their own dignity, be independent, and have their rights acknowledged. I further think that Spain where I live,  men and women have the same rights and opportunities (at least from a legal perspective, which sometimes plays out differently in practice).

When I was born, I had the same opportunities as my brother and the same is true for my friends. Maybe if you look back two generations it was odd to see the same number of men and women study, but nowadays any child born, be it a boy or a girl, will go to school and have the opportunity to go to university and have a future. I don’t see women as a prejudiced social group in Spain because of being born female.

I think that the word empowerment is fully compatible with women, as the word indicates, gain control over their own lives and circumstances. Maybe it is actually the circumstances each of them faces in her life that makes that woman give up on her professional life (be it because she has kids she wants to raise so that she can be independent in the future or because she has a disabled relative who she needs to take care of or due to other reasons…). And it is here where I see that laws don’t work properly: both a woman and a man should be able to take care of their families and home without giving up on financial independence, but there is no government help for this.

How has social media changed your society?

Social media has allowed people to have a broader view of life.  In other words, not everything is controlled by the same media. Therefore, the freedom to express yourself has substantially increased. It is a great tool to exchange information and has led nowadays to a steep change in mass media.

Spanish society has evolved positively in a lot of ways on the back of social media as it has given everyone a voice. The flipside of this is that it gives rise to abuse, to people manipulating social media to achieve their goals or to professional haters hiding behind the anonymous status a profile gives them, but that can be mitigated by the right of every individual to choose what he wants to read, follow or do.

Help me understand some of the challenges you have faced in life and how did you overcome it?

The first was in the workplace. In order to move up in the media world, I faced, as we say in Spain,  “pasar por la piedra”, It means as a woman if your boss comes and tells you that in order to progress you have to have dinner with him (or do anything, as we have recently seen in the cinema world) and when you say no he makes your professional life unbearable until you quit.

Another tougher challenge was when the CEO of my company told all female employees that he didn’t want any of us to get pregnant and that if we did no one could in “his” company (which wasn’t actually his) apply for a part-time job as is set out by Spanish law. When my second child was born, I decided to focus more on my family, and therefore against the will of my boss I notified HR that I applied for the reduced working hours that I was entitled to. They couldn’t obviously object but they made life difficult until I voluntarily left. That challenge has been very important and thanks to the fact that I actually sent that notice to HR and subsequently left women can (and do) now have different options of working hours in that company and can find a work-life balance.

The third challenge was that I was in a relationship with a male chauvinist. When I wore a skirt, it was too short and he wanted me to wear pants. He did not want me to drive and was emotionally abusive.

He was very controlling, negative and it had a deep impact on my personality. He was very aggressive in his character. I became aware of his negative impact on me and mentioned that I wanted to end the relationship. He became manipulative, by threatening to jump out of the window, screaming, and even broken a door to get into the room I had locked myself in.

However, I decided to quit this toxic relationship, as I would never be happy and called it off. We should be free in a relationship and not be subdued and unhappy. I still have to see him because of certain issues but I have learned to forgive and have pity on him.

Talk to me about Spanish society and is it still patriarchal or an equal society?

Spanish society is undergoing constant change. In the last few years, it has changed significantly and there is a long way to go. Spain has a constitution since 1978. We were coming from a completely patriarchal society, where women’s role was basically to be the wife of someone and raise the kids whilst staying at home (with some exceptions). Women gained the right to vote in the 30s, notably 1933 and it was strange to find women studying in university and having a job linked to their career thereafter. The change was accelerated in 1978 and since then boosted, and it has only been 41 years! It is amazing to see how everything has changed since now we live in an equal society.

As I said, most women are free to decide what they want to do in life and if they want to continue with their career or prefer to devote more time to their family and give up a professional career. But there is still a lot to improve regarding maternity leave and the way back to work once it is finished. Rejoining your job isn’t easy and sometimes your salary is not worth it. A lot has to change. You can of course always decide to start your own business and try to balance family life and work that way, but not everyone has the financial capacity to be able to do that and the government doesn’t, unfortunately, help much. On top of that, not everyone has the personality you need to start your own business and prefers to settle for a company or, if you are a woman after maternity leave, stay at home.

Walk me through some of the best restaurants in your city?

The restaurant scene has exploded in Madrid in the last decade.

There is a choice for every palate and wallet. From eating fantastic pinchos in the San Antón market to a nice plate of pasta in an Italian restaurant such as Don Giovanni, Mediterranean food as in La Ancha or El Qüenco de Pepa, nice fish in el Barril or go to restaurants that are more trendy where fusion food or Japanese food are growing such as Amazonico, Bibo, Sushi 99, Inari and many others…. you can also have a great piece of Brazilian meat in Rubaiyat. This is all on top of your classic paella or other rice dishes like in St. James restaurant, but Spanish food goes way beyond paella.  A very welcoming restaurant where you have great food is La Buena Vida, with one of the best cheesecakes in town. Another one of my favorites is Taberna Laredo. I could go on forever…

What is your city famous for and why should we visit it?

Madrid is 1000 years old, historic and one of the greatest European capitals. It is a thriving, cosmopolitan city with a dynamic cultural scene and amazing weather.

Food is an obsession (not least the Mediterranean diet has been considered the most healthy diet worldwide) and there is plenty to choose from as madrileños tend to go out a lot…

On top of that, if you have enough of Madrid, which is very difficult to happen, you have amazing places nearby, including several world heritage sites like Toledo, or the Roman aqueduct in Segovia, or the walls of Avila…all within less than an hour drive.

How do you find balance in modern-day society and what are your priorities?

I think we have gone very quickly from one extreme to the other, from not having the technology available to having access to everything. New technologies bring with them a lot of good things but also give rise to something that is very bad: social isolation. It is very sad when for example I am having dinner in a restaurant and look around me and see most people with their mobile phones, teenagers meeting their friends and each of them just looks at their mobile, rather than speaking to each other, playing cards… there should be more education on the bad use of technology in order to foster healthy, natural and true relationships.

If when you raise kids you should impose time limitations on the use of technology. At home we have rules for the use of technology (including the fact that when we have lunch or gather with our family or friends we can’t use technological devices) and, to be honest, life is good that way because at the end of the day we are people and personal relationships should still be channeled through conversations and face to face instead of through phones or screens.

Balance in modern life would to me be complete equality of rights between men and women, that we were all free people with the ability to think for ourselves, without being conditioned by anyone and that we could all study and work to be truly independent.

The post Cristina Romero: Spain’s Modern Clara Campoamor appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Racism is evil. Keesha McLaren’s faith commands her to overcome evil with good. Racism shows a lack of love. Keesha’s faith asks that she love unconditionally. Love means to be patient with those who look down on you; it means to be kind to those who judge you for the color of your skin. The most challenging is that she cannot keep a record of any wrongs. Keesha has to persevere and hope for the best outcome. The faith that she follows asks her to get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, slander, malice, and to forgive and be compassionate towards those who have called her names because of her color.

‘Evil is powerful, but good is more powerful. In fact, evil is so powerful that only good has the power to overcome evil. Darkness can be driven away only by light.’ ― Jay E. Adams, How to Overcome Evil

I personally love people of all colors, races, creeds, backgrounds, sexual orientations, and nationalities. I have interviewed Mayple Dorrington, Casey Palmer, Michelle Marshall, Dr. Valerie Fitzpatrick, Sonia, Davianna, Bobby Ray Jones Jr., Paula Eriya, Zenovia Shaw, Kunle Tauhid, and Sherron Grant. They are members of the black community and are chiropractors, chefs, authors, principals at a school, entrepreneurs, Vice-Presidents at a bank, and game-changers.

Fourcolumns will be an agent for change and the conscience of our society. We cannot allow this discussion to become a flavor of the month. However, we need to have a discussion with a flavor of peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, lament, compassion, and forgiveness. Each and every one of us who is reading has to look at our own mental, psychological, physical, emotional, cultural, financial, and spiritual biases.

Two weeks back I reached out to Keesha as to how she was doing. I was humbled by her response. ‘I’m doing well. I’m healthy, I have food to eat, a place to live and for the moment a job. God loves me and is taking great care of me so I have absolutely nothing to complain about.’ I had to talk to her. I wanted to get her perspective on the current climate.

Keesha, good to connect after a long time. Please tell me a little bit about you?

Hi, my name is Keesha McLaren and I’m a Registered Holistic Nutritionist. I’m a sister, an aunt, a plant-based foodie, and an aspiring yogi. I have a passion for God, health, and helping others. My ultimate goal is to make my corner of the world a little better by helping my clients find a healthier version of themselves.

Let’s get honest here. Talk to me about how you are feeling concerning George Floyd?

In a word disgusted. The way those police officers treated Mr. Floyd was inhumane. Regardless of what he had done, he did not deserve the treatment he received. I’m sickened by the way Officer Chauvin used his knee to choke the life out of Mr. Floyd; all the while with his hands in his pocket, looking around as if he was kneeling on a rubber snake and not a living human being begging for his life.

What goes on in the mind of one human that makes him think it’s okay to treat another human like that without thought, care, compassion, or feeling?

Black Lives Matter is important. We need to have this conversation. We need to lament and lift our brothers and sisters. Please comment?

I am downright astounded that after the abolishment of slavery, the civil rights movement, the collapse of apartheid, and the brutality of Rodney King that society is in the same place where it started. “Black Lives Matter” why is this even up for debate? Are black people not also human? Why should we need to point this out? The same society who fights vehemently for the rights of animals also disregards the life of its fellow citizens – appalling. Why should anyone be treated differently because of something as unimportant as the color of their skin? Who chooses their skin color? Is a brown dog less of a dog than a black one or white one or a spotted one? Of course not, its just skin!

Black people are asking for equality, not to be treated better, not for a handout or a hand up, all they are asking is to be given the same opportunity as their fellow white citizens to live. The thing I find truly amazing is that after the treatment black people have had to endure for the last four hundred years they’re seeking equality and not revenge.

Talk to me about your own experience growing up black in Toronto?

To be honest I’ve had a good life. I moved to Canada, Toronto specifically as a fifteen-year-old. I lived in a good area and attend a good school so I didn’t experience any overt prejudice. This is a sad thing to say that as a black person you have lived a good life if all you have experienced is covert prejudice.

The high school I went to was predominantly Jewish and I remember vividly on my first visit the guidance counselor saying I would likely find it challenging to fit in because most of the students attended the same elementary and junior high schools so they have formed tight friendship bonds. In reality “tight friendship bonds” was not the problem, it was prejudice. The prejudice of color, economics, and culture prevented those white students from socializing with me or even being civil. I was the wrong color, from the wrong end of the economic spectrum and came from the wrong place. It was as crystal clear to me then as it is to me now looking back. I guess some experiences were the regular shenanigans common to the high school experience of most students but some experiences were definitely outside the norm. I was always the last one picked in physed class even though I was fitter and faster than even some of the boys. No one wanted to partner with me for group projects and when I was in a group I always had to work harder than everyone else to prove myself. I remember the guidance counselor suggesting to me that maybe I should set my sights on an easier university to get into “just in case I don’t get into my preferred school.”

At university, the color was less of an issue and I felt I could be myself. The student population was very diverse and in general, I think university students are more socially advanced than the rest of society so acceptance was not a challenge.

After leaving university and entering the corporate world, the reality of prejudice smacked me in the face again and has not left. I have been passed over for promotions, given unfair evaluations that could not be justified, my workload was always heavy and I could never get any help regardless of the number of times I asked. I was never offered any of the perks my other coworkers received.

Being treated as less than and undeserving has been my reality first as a black teenager and now as an adult.

The faith you follow talks about peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, and the big one forgiveness. How are you reconciling everything you are going through, feeling, and your faith?

My belief in God and his principles grounds me when there is injustice all around me. My faith does not insulate me against hardship, it puts it into perspective. Bad situations are not made better but it helps me to not become bitter in my pain. I can move past hardship because God loves me. I can forgive and be merciful towards others because God did that for me. I cannot and must not sit in the seat of self-righteousness and judge others when I myself am imperfect and worthy of judgment. God forgives me for my wrongs and this allows me to forgive others for theirs. Now don’t get me wrong, I have not forgotten the wrongs but I decided not to allow the behavior of others to determine how I live my life.

The older I get, I find it is important to be resilient to cling on to your goals, ethos, and values.  Please comment?

It is important to stay true to your values. As the saying goes “if you don’t stand for anything, you will fall for everything.” It has been my experience that if you clearly mark your boundary lines people are less likely to cross them. I don’t expect anyone to know my values so the onus is on me to tell them. I have to tell them what and where my boundaries are so they know how far I am willing to go. I also have to decide for myself what the repercussions for crossing them will be and stick to them – otherwise what is the point of having them?

In your own words, what does women empowerment mean to you?

Female empowerment to me means that I have the right and the space to say what I believe without coercion or the fear of consequences from those who may disagree with me.

Life is tough, challenging and sometimes you feel like you are in the tunnel for a long time. Have you had such a moment in your life and how did you deal with it?

Everyone goes through difficult seasons its called life. It is hurt, disappointments, injustices, pain, and the like but as long as I have a life I have to persevere and I have to have hope. Some days all I can do is focus on the current minute that I am living in and when I make it through I focus on the next. Life is messy, sometimes everything is great, and sometimes it’s not but you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going forward. One day you’ll look up and there will be light.

How do you balance food, faith, finance, and family?

With prayer, patience, and perseverance. I ask God to give me what I need and to help me to desire what I need as opposed to what I want. As I have gotten older I have discovered that I don’t need a lot of “stuff” and this realization helps me not spend time and energy chasing what I don’t have and be content and grateful for what I do have. God for His own purpose has chosen to bless me by meeting all my needs, I can truly say I lack nothing. As a young adult I often meditated on Proverbs 30: 8-9 “…give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” Thankfully, so far God has honored this prayer.

Finally, give yourself advice at 15, 25, and 35?

The advice I would give my 15-year-old self is to work harder than you feel you’re working. And don’t be in such a rush to grow up, time goes flying by much faster than you realize.

To my 25-year-old self I say, think about, plan out and work for the life you desire. Don’t procrastinate! Be ready to seize every opportunity and don’t be so easily discouraged. Focus on yourself and don’t worry about the people around you because you never know what they have done or are doing to get to where they are.

To my 35-year-old self I say, recognize your worth and don’t settle for less.

The post Racism is Evil: Overcome Evil With Good appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Meet Captain Vivek Bhasin. I love his style of writing, eclectic style of dress, Mick Jagger’ joie de vivre, and fathomless, ardent love for his alma mater. We both went to a British boarding school, both of us were Lefroyans, he settles in Sweden, I in Canada, his wife is Swedish, mine is Scottish.

I thought I had seen 30 countries and that was a great achievement. Vivek has seen 110. This interview does not do justice to all his achievements. He has been mistaken for the Indian ambassador to the UK, to being mistaken for a vagabond by the New York cops.  As he leaves the corporate world as managing director of Dole Foods, I wanted to get his perspective on life.

We talk about many things but focus on women empowerment and how women have shaped our lives. Get ready for an international fondue of words, experience from someone who is larger than life.

Vivek, I am a big fan of your writing. Welcome, and please tell me something important about you?

Jerry, I super appreciate your wonderful support in my writing; a passion I developed in school, and took it forward in my journey through life.

I was at BCS Simla from the age of five. All this happened 59 years ago, but today when I look back at my life, I can never thank my parents enough. They did the right thing. I learned to fend for my self and became a survivor. I became a person with an open mind and like a sponge absorbed countries’ cultures and befriended people; an advanced education.

Perhaps in a selfish way, I would like to return to the age of five but with all my knowledge, my experience intact to try to straighten certain bends and hoops and come down the slopes with a greater appreciation of my family and thank the few friends I made .. appreciating their closeness, not just pushing forward with no real destination.

Give me some examples of how women have played an important role in your life?

Women are the essence and driving force behind men’s existentialism in this world. Emotions, love, tolerance, determination and immense strength come from women. The world is truly beautiful because of women … my mother taught me so much in the first five years of my life. It is a pure fact that women have higher IQs than men … Einstein, Beethoven, Mozart, and Shakespeare were all geniuses but if you look closely there surely were women, their mothers, wives, sisters who held them upright and never sought credence nor publicity.

My Swedish wife made me understand how important it is for women to be independent and stand on their own feet.

Swedish women play a very important role outside their domestic den and are the forerunners with clean honest road maps to make their country the best place to live. Sweden is always ranked right up in all good statistics due to their incredible woman.

Women have no egos like us men, they make larger than life sacrifices, and in today’s modern world have exalted positions of the highest order in commerce, industry, and governance.

I salute the women of the world today, tomorrow… Siempre (always).

Talk to me about the highs of being in a boarding school. What are some major keyways you learned and how you implemented it in real life?

The only school I know is my Bishop Cotton School, sitting on a spur on the mighty Himalaya founded by Bishop Cotton in 1859 on instructions by Queen Victoria; a school whose objective was an all-around upbringing of the young gentleman in academics, sports, soft skills, and etiquette. I entered that amazing institution which is affiliated to Marlborough College and Rugby School England in 1961 and passed out in 1970. It was in that school I learned the art of survival, respect, and picked up the finest traditions of a scholar and a gentleman. What was immensely evident was our School Chapel where we, from all walks of life, all strains of religion, be us Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jains, Catholic, and Protestants sought the strength of God in one voice, in harmony. I am a Hindu Punjabi but my temple is the Holy Trinity Chapel of my Bishop Cotton School. My mother asks me how many times have I been to a Hindu temple; my response is factual “Mum I have been to my Chapel 4000 times at BCS”… that for her is more than enough.

I learned the meaning of brotherhood, of blood bonding, teamwork and the building of an identity that has been my strength out in the big jungle of an unforgiving world. 

How has marriage changed you? What has surprised you the most about it?

My wife is Swedish; we have been married soon for 37 years … it’s not been a bed of roses as such extreme cultures do clash but in this matrimony, we were blessed with a beautiful super-intelligent daughter and a fantastic son … the Indian – Swedish combine has given my children the best of both our worlds. I am happy they live their lives in Scandinavia but stay connected with their Father’s roots which are Indian.

As a young bachelor “I saw the world and got paid for it”… with marriage I soon realized the give and take which one has to do… it is so important to work as a team … the true test is getting to know your partner and this takes a long time … the compatibility and more.

At least in India the debate on arranged marriages by families or finding a partner with no influence from families continues… at least in the big cities the youth of India are getting more liberated; live-in relationships are increasing, however, the tolerance level in a relationship is getting lower… meaning that the relationship is ending due to less give and take.

Fatherhood is an amazing experience. Help me understand your own experience and what advice can you give us?

To become a Father is a miracle; be it your biological child or a child you adopt.. you wish your children to be secure, safe, happy with enriching healthy lives. I do admit I always worry about my children (and now my wonderful grandchildren) but I strongly believe in the goodness of people and hence after giving my children the best possible education by way of travel, daily experiences, examples, and inroads into good universities I know they will contribute positively to our world.

I definitely believe in giving children roots but also wings.

The 21st century has been the defining moment for women empowerment. What does the word mean to you and do you implement it in your life?

In the world of my life, my travel, and constant experiences in the 21st century is surely the time for women to come forward, break the chains of male chauvinism and become truly independent. Men are babies from cradle to grave and need to multi-task like women … for me, my contribution is to a charity in India “Salaam Baalak Trust” where young destitute children are given a haven. The trust looks after 1000’s of young girls and seeks finance through theatre, philanthropists, and more.

In addition, in Gurgaon Haryana I have allocated a part of my yearly earnings for the upkeep of my domestic help and the family; improving sanitary conditions, donating freshwater RO filters, white goods, furniture, and paying for closed toilets. I even fight for their rights …however it is important to set goals and objectives too for those you help so they understand this is not a free ride .. as I know and I preach to them among others, “money doesn’t grow on trees”.

Overcome Evil With Good. How can we as men protect against the evil that is done to women in our society?

The old panchayat system is still prevalent in villages in India.. when I talk about a village I don’t mean a remote village out of touch with civilization in the Indian hinterland… I talk of small pockets a mere stone throw from the modern city of Delhi …some of these villages could be just beyond a wall or across the road …it is here the village elders sit as echelons in their domain with archaic wisdom (that should be erased permanently but only kept in historical archives ). They “act” as “ do good’ ers” with no one to question them … the villagers especially women are at the mercy of these old men who are never questioned. I strongly believe with age comes knowledge … but knowledge comes with education … in many many cases just because you’re old doesn’t make you wise to pass judgment on others … and that too favoring men.. the empowerment of women needs to be whole, complete and this can only happen if society breaks the chains of this evil system … further, I believe the youth of India both the educated and others need to be taught by examples … wherein a village IF a father physically abuses his wife, the children look on… and very soon the boys, mainly the boys start behaving /doing the same to girls around them. Some boys start screaming at their Mothers; I have seen this!!

Is this a traditional way of passing judgment on innocent people by elders who are probably illiterate themselves..All religions are good, pious, and loving but it’s people and sometimes charlatans who become great orators within a limited scope and confuse and baffle the innocent with deadly fear …

It is important to educate and educate so that we can cleanse both the no good’ ers and convince the innocents to get freedom from the tentacles of the wicked, the selfish, and the “advantage” takers …

I was born with an education that instilled in me, goodness, charitable traits and made me understood … it is important not to be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Give yourself some advice at 15, 25, 35, and 45 years of age?

At my age I am aware that today’s teenager, youth, yuppy and the mid-range 40’s are more into materialism than ever before ..they want it sooner, faster and some even wish to retire by 50! It is the “good life “ they talk and dream about …” many of course too look at the environmental destruction of the ’80s and ’90s and are protesting at global warming which is inevitably happening.. this is a good sign too as many in my age took advantage of the world’s natural resources in an irresponsible manner …

What I wish to tell the millennials and the Y Generation is to pick up the good things of the X Generation ( My Generation ) but S L O W down, please. Enjoy every moment with love, laughter, and abandon… but live responsibly… read more … let not Facebook consume you … you need to live longer, healthier and keep our planet spinning smoothly…

L I V E   L I F E… K I N G S I Z E .. but find time to

meditate,

contemplate

and reflect…

search for that inner peace … this is paramount…

yesterday never returns …

today is a present

tomorrow may never happen …

The post Captain Vivek Bhasin appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Thrive by taking responsibility and becoming empowered.

I had not spoken to a cousin that I grew up with for quite a while. We were living in different countries, and life got in the way.

We connected on WhatsApp, and over the next three days, my cousin blamed the whole world for her issues. Therefore, I gave up trying to convince my cousin to take personal responsibility.

I have mentored a lot of people in the corporate world. One of the people I was mentoring was getting fired a lot. He kept on blaming his bosses. As a result, I just asked him one question. What is the common factor? After that, I wanted to convince him that he needed to have a sense of responsibility.

I got a call from a very good friend who is getting divorced after two decades of marriage. Not once did my friend take responsibility. It was always the fault of the other spouse.

The reason I say to take responsibility for your life is that it empowers you, and you thrive, moving from a victim to a champ. As a result, you are in the driver’s seat and deal with the challenges of life.

I am focusing on embracing responsibility because it is the bedrock for success and happiness in all areas of your life. For instance, you cannot shift the blame, make excuses, find a scapegoat, or allow yourself to be blown by the wind. Thrive in every area of your life by taking responsibility.

Responsibility Quotes

The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs – Joan Didion

When you blame others, you give up your power to change – Unknown

It is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and no one else has made it – Sophocles

Stop Whining and Grumbling

I have yet to meet a person who likes hanging around people who whine and grumble about everything.  In other words, when you do that, you cannot accept the present situation and deal with it. Therefore, whining is being a victim and saying I do not have a choice. Similarly, you are focusing on things going wrong around you and not focusing on the big picture of the forest. In conclusion, if you deal with the situation, you will not whine about it. Do not ask the question of why me? How about what now? What can I learn from this situation?

I had liked a girl for more than a decade. Similarly, it was really like a Forrest Gump syndrome. She dated a few friends of mine. During Christmas 1999, she was in town and we had dinner with my parents and her parents. She finally said she wanted to date me. I was super excited. She flies back to the city where she was working and calls me at midnight and says she does not see this working out.

In 2000, I just started dating other women, met Debbie, and have been married for 24 years.

Stop Pointing Fingers

The moment you point fingers at your family, the way your parents raised you, your partner, or the economy for your situation, you are back in victim mode. Walk away and say to yourself, how did I play a part in this?

I have an undergrad in hospitality. I wanted to make a career in managing money. As I continued to work, I went back to night school, got a business degree, and did many courses that helped me make a career in trading and managing money.

Stop Making Excuses

The time is now to stop making excuses. In addition, it is stale, stuffy, and stodgy. You cannot make excuses for poor choices in life, accomplishments, and failure. This kind of behavior leads to negative thinking and negative behavior. As a result, friends, family, and acquaintances will drop you.

Learn from failure, poor choices, and try not to repeat them. If you make excuses, you will continue to go down a beaten path in your personal and professional life.  It will sap you of your energy and strength. You are also not giving yourself space to learn from your mistakes. You need to give yourself room to grow by having a sense of moral and personal responsibility

You have to think positive. Similarly, it is vital to stop the negative thoughts in your mind and focus on the positive that is happening in your life. This frees you up. If you dwell on negativity, it leads to physical symptoms that are not healthy.

The next time you speak, listen to yourself. If you are blaming others for your job, your salary, your spouse or goals, become aware of these negative patterns and work on stopping it right away. If friends, family or colleagues are offering feedback on your behavior, be open to listening to them, because they are around you.

I have to work on being positive daily. After a career in wealth management, I had to stop focusing on my MBA and other achievements. I had to sit down and write down stuff that I needed to change and embrace the new economy. I went back to the restaurant business and started this blog.

How To Take Responsibility

What is responsibility? How does one take personal responsibility? What does it mean to have a sense of responsibility?

You have to take responsibility for your reactions, actions, words from your mouth, social media exchanges, feelings, and thoughts. The life around you is created by you from the above actions. You have to realize no one is controlling you. No one can force you to react, say something, do something, or do anything. It is within your power how you respond to the environment around you.

Take Control

I am a super sensitive person. However, I am getting better and learning that not everything is about me. If someone cuts you on the highway, it is more about what is going on in their life and not mine. A hurting person is always out to hurt other people. I have to take control of how I respond to everything happening around me. I cannot control how other people respond.

Happiness

We focus on happiness and forget about joy. The world, children, friends, work, colleagues, parents, and spouse are not responsible to make you happy. It is a daily decision that comes from within and a life filled with forgiveness, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, and gratitude.

Go on a walk, connect with nature, write down what you are grateful for, spend time with loved ones, listen to music that uplifts your soul, and become creative.

Do not focus on the past or the future but the present.

There is nothing we can do about the past. We can learn from it. We do not know what tomorrow brings. So, relish the present. It is called a present or a gift for a reason. Embrace it and use it to the full extent.

Become Intentional

In life you have choices. Become intentional in having a great fulfilling career, amazing spouse, amazing health, amazing neighborhood. Become the change that is needed. Have a mission and vision statement for your life. It will come alive.

Breathe deeply

If issues come in life, take a deep breath. Calm yourself down. Look at confidence-building measures that empower you to respond positively.

Love Unconditionally

Be very careful about how you judge other people. Are you using a different measure than how you measure yourself? People are broken. Some hide it better. Do not label anyone. Give people the benefit of doubt. I have yet to meet a fully secure person. People do, say and act weird because of their insecurities.

Listen

Ask my daughter what is my biggest weakness? She will say I am a lousy listener. I love talking. I can talk for hours. I like to be a selective listener and like to respond right away. I need to understand what my daughter is saying.

Apologize

We have hurt people. Just admit it. We may have bullied people in school. We may have said some hurtful things. We may have stolen. The list goes on. Go ahead and say sorry. You are taking responsibility for your actions.

Taking responsibility for your actions also means patting yourself on the back for a great job done, getting a promotion, doing well in school, or just succeeding in life.

I talked about that taking responsibility empowers you and lets you thrive in life. You can choose to be positive or guilty. The choice is yours. The positive mindset is not reactive but proactive. Therefore, it is a sign of maturity, respect for everyone around you.

I challenge you to take responsibility for every area of your life. Accept your humanity, brokenness, imperfection, and embrace taking responsibility.

Go for a win-win situation and empower yourself to live a positive, fruitful, valuable, and satisfying life.

Write to me or comment as to how taking responsibility has changed your life.

Photo Credits:  Gerd Altmann  Adi Goldstein  Gabriel Matula  Isaiah Rustad George Gvasalia STIL Sharon McCutcheon Aiony Haust Felix Koutchinski

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