#faith Archives - Four Columns of a Balanced Life

How to find the right church for you

admin — Fri, 02 May 2025 20:02:53 +0000

That’s a deep question: How do you find the right church?

Churches have become commodified—focused on branding, entertainment, and attracting “customers” rather than fostering genuine spiritual growth.

In the last nine months, I have received more emails, calls, texts, and Facebook messages regarding the above question.

Choosing a church is a significant decision that can impact your spiritual growth, sense of community, and overall well-being.

In 2004, I had just moved to the Durham Region. I found Sanctus in Ajax. Sanctus changed my life. Sanctus’s preaching was biblically sound and Christ-centered. The worship style was contemporary which made an instant connection with me. The sermons were engaging, meaningful, and applicable to me. The focus was on leading a holistic life led by the Holy Spirit. Jesus was the focus of everything they did. They had small groups.

The transparency and accountability of Sanctus was amazing. The leadership structure was clear with a Biblical accountability. The integrity in finances, governance, and decision-making was impeccable. The mission and vision were evangelism, community service, discipleship, and mentoring.

The youth program was unbelievable. My daughter never wanted to leave.

The board was humble and as a member, we had meetings every quarter.

As I looked around at the membership the head of TTC, the VP from a Canadian bank, Professors from Tyndale, entrepreneurs and a vibrant community.

Sanctus has four sites and 5000 people in attendance in 2025.

It was hard to leave after 18 years and the hunt for a new church in the Niagara Escarpment began.

The first thing you need to know to find the right church is that Christianity is not a spectator sport. You will not benefit if you come only on Sunday and leave right after service. You need to become intentional in serving, joining a small group, and inviting people to your home.

The second fact you need to be aware of is that you cannot be a consumer in Christianity.

Finally, the church is full of broken, messed-up people who are looking for help.

For my emotional well-being and spiritual growth it was important to find the right church that was safe and healthy. I have listed some key indicators of a safe and healthy church.

Biblical Teaching & Theology

Church doctrine is extremely important because it defines the core beliefs and teachings of a faith community. It provides a foundation for understanding God, salvation, morality, and the purpose of life. The teaching should align with the Bible, encouraging faith, love and grace. To find the right church make sure that beliefs remain consistent with Scripture and historical teachings, preventing misinterpretation or deviation from core Christian principles. Christ, not a leader or tradition, is the center of teaching, worship, and mission.

The doctrine helps believers know how to live according to God’s will, shaping their worldview, ethics, and daily decisions. Shared doctrine unites believers, preventing confusion and division while fostering a sense of community and purpose. Doctrine safeguards against heresies and misleading ideologies that could distort the faith.

However, it’s also important to balance doctrine with love and grace. While firm beliefs are necessary, rigid legalism without compassion can drive people away. A healthy church upholds sound doctrine while living out Christ’s love. A healthy church also uses exegesis, hermeneutics and stays away from proof texting when looking at scripture.

Authentic Leadership who are accountable

When a church leader walks authentically, it fosters trust, unity, and a thriving spiritual environment. An authentic leader lives out Christian principles both privately and publicly and demonstrates a lifestyle of service, forgiveness, prayer and generosity. To find the right church look for leadership who preach but also embody it. The leader is transparent and accepts that he does not have all the answers. She listens actively, values feedback and avoids manipulation or control. She prioritizes people over programs and status.

An authentic leader handles criticism and conflict with grace and surrounds themselves with a team for spiritual, financial and ethical accountability.

Financial Transparency & Stewardship

The church should have open financial reporting with members in meeting or bulletins. The budget should show how funds are allocated to mission, salaries, community outreach and building maintenance. Members

Members can request and review financial documents without resistance or secrecy. A group should oversee spending, budgeting and accountability. Elders or a board of trustees should provide oversight and approval for major expenses or changes. The spending aligns with the mission and vision of the church such as caring for the poor, supporting ministries, and maintaining the facility responsibly.

Finally staff are paid fairly in a way that honors their work. An authentic leader will talk about giving from a Biblical perspective not obligation or manipulation.

A lack of transparency or a culture where financial questions are unwelcome is a red flag.

The Atmosphere

Does the church welcome everyone, regardless of background, lifestyle, past mistakes or appearances. Is grace and support offered openly or the focus more on condemnation and rules? Is sin looked at a pathway to transformation, or does it create fear and shame? Are differing viewpoints encouraged and or just shut down.

Does the church offer room for growth and second chances, or is there a culture of legalism and perfectionism?

A healthy church balances truth and grace—acknowledging sin but offering love, restoration, and hope. If a church feels more like a courtroom than a hospital for the broken, it may be judgmental.

Community & Fellowship

In finding the right church the congregation has to be warm and welcoming. There needs to be opportunities to connect through small groups or various ministries. A safe and healthy church encourages strong relationships among its members.

Mission & Outreach

A healthy and safe church should have a strong commitment to evangelism and community service. You need to check if there are missions, local outreach, and service opportunities. The church needs to have discipleship and mentoring in its DNA.

Family & Youth Programs

A safe church has a intergenerational component to it. There are programs for children, teens, and young adults. There needs to be resources and support for families. If the church does not have answers then they refer the members to counseling.

A healthy church needs to have a strong emphasis on raising the next generation in faith?

Prayer & Spiritual Growth

A church that focuses on prayer and dependance on God, that encourages personal holiness and growth in faith is the right church.

Size & Location

Do you prefer a small, intimate church or a large congregation? Is the church easily accessible from your home? Does the church provide online services if needed?

Peace & Confirmation from God

The church that we found, we were at peace and led by the Holy Spirit to be there. The contemplative approach helped me to grow closer to Christ and where my family is thriving spiritually.

Examples of safe churches and Pastors

I have known Dave Adams for more than two decades. He has pastored at Grindstone and Sanctus. Dave worked in the corporate world and has a great sense of humor and an amazing family.

I have know Jonathan Manafo for more than two decades. He is the founder of The Village. I have asked him some of the toughest questions about life. He has been through so many challenges but his faith never fails.

I have known Kevin Robbins for 35 years. A humble man with a great family. He has faced many challenges but has overcome with his deep faith.

In the last three years no pastor has helped me more than Matt Pamplin. Just an outstanding man.

Good luck in finding the right church and reach out to me if you are looking for a safe church in your area.

The post How to find the right church for you appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Finding Peace in a Chaotic World

admin — Thu, 13 Mar 2025 18:20:47 +0000

Finding peace in a chaotic world of 24/7, hustle culture, always on the treadmill, political instability, and destination syndrome can be challenging.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, humility, authenticity, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.

These qualities are valued because they contribute positively to interpersonal relationships and society. They foster environments where understanding, cooperation, and harmony are more likely to flourish. Cultivating these traits can lead to a more peaceful and productive coexistence, and indeed, there are no laws against such virtues because they universally promote social good. They transcend cultural and legal boundaries, highlighting a shared human aspiration towards a kinder and more compassionate society.

What is Peace

Peace is a state of harmony, calmness, and the absence of conflict—both externally in the world and internally within oneself. Finding peace in a chaotic world can mean different things in various contexts:

Personal Peace – A sense of inner tranquility, contentment, and freedom from stress or anxiety by creating boundaries.

Social Peace – The absence of conflict or violence in relationships, communities, or societies.

Global Peace – The absence of war and conflict between nations, promoting cooperation, justice, and mutual respect.

Spiritual Peace – A deep sense of fulfillment, connection, and alignment with one’s beliefs or purpose.

Finding peace in a chaotic world comes from understanding, acceptance, and the ability to navigate challenges with wisdom rather than hostility. Consider how wisdom can help us find peace in a chaotic world. I have listed a lot of soul-searching questions. If you want to find peace answer them truthfully.

Personal Peace

Personal peace is an inner state of calm, balance, and contentment, regardless of external circumstances. It means being free from excessive stress, fear, or internal conflict and feeling emotionally, mentally, and spiritually grounded.

Self-Acceptance – Have you accepted yourself including your strengths and flaws? Are you always comparing yourself to others? Are you always looking at social media and realizing your life does not match those of influencers? Are you leading an authentic life?

Emotional Stability – What would your friends, family, and co-workers say regarding your emotions? Are you emotionally intelligent? Is anger, bitterness, resentment, or anxiety controlling your emotions?

Mindfulness and Presence: Are you living in the moment and grateful, or are you focusing on the past and worrying about the future?

Forgiveness – Forgiveness has to be a key part of achieving peace. Letting go of grudges and resentments lightens your emotional burden.

Purpose & Meaning – Define your why. Align everything you do with your values and purpose in life.

Healthy Boundaries – Protect yourself and your mental and emotional well-being from negativity and toxic influences.

Finding peace in a chaotic world does not mean avoiding challenges but rather handling them with clarity and resilience. It’s a journey, not a destination.

Social Peace

Finding social peace in chaotic times requires continuous effort from individuals, communities, and governments. It starts with personal peace but extends to how we interact with others. I am going to focus on the effort of the individual.

Respect & Tolerance – Do you respect and tolerate those who think and act differently from you? Do you treat them with dignity? Do your social media posts reflect love, grace, and mercy?

Justice & Fairness – Do your actions reflect and ensure equality, human rights, and social justice for all? Are you honest and transparent even if it is inconvenient? Are you treating everyone equally irrespective of race, gender, religion, or social status?

Conflict Resolution – Deal with disputes through dialogue, negotiation, or mediation instead of violence. Come with an open mind. Listen to understand rather than speak. Find common ground for understanding. Define the problem, look at options, and see if a compromise is possible. The most important factor is that you have to be patient and practice empathy and self-control.

Global Peace

Global peace is a state of harmony among nations and people in which conflicts are resolved through diplomacy and cooperation rather than violence or war.

As individuals, we do have a role to play by voting. We need to protect freedom, equality, and dignity for all people and focus on respecting diverse beliefs, traditions, and ways of life.

Global peace is not just the absence of war; it is the presence of justice, opportunity, and mutual respect.

Spiritual Peace

Spiritual peace is a deep sense of inner harmony, fulfillment, and connection with something greater than oneself. It goes beyond external circumstances and is rooted in faith, purpose, and a sense of belonging in the universe.

Inner Calm & Tranquility – Are you at peace regardless of life’s challenges? Peace does not mean the absence of struggles but having God’s presence in the midst of them. Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Connection with a Higher Power – Do you find strength and guidance through faith or spirituality? Shalom is more than just the absence of conflict; it represents completeness, wholeness, and harmony. The Talmud says that peace is so important that even truth can be set aside to preserve it (Yevamot 65b).

Purpose & Meaning – Do you know your role in life and feel aligned with a greater purpose? The Upanishads suggest that true peace is achieved when individuals align themselves with the universal order (Rta).

Gratitude & Contentment – Are you appreciating life and finding joy in the present moment? Gratitude transcends cultures, religions, and philosophies, making it a universal spiritual quality.

Compassion & Love – Are you embracing kindness and seeing others with understanding and empathy? Islam recognizes diversity and encourages peaceful coexistence: “O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.” (Quran 49:13).

Peace is essential for a society to thrive because it fosters stability, prosperity, and overall well-being.

The post Finding Peace in a Chaotic World appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Joy

admin — Tue, 07 May 2024 13:39:27 +0000

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, humility, authenticity, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.

Over the next few weeks, I will focus on these universal qualities and see how they can empower us to be better human beings.

Quotes about Joy

Joy is not in things; it is in us. —Richard Wagner

Some give with joy, and that joy is their reward. —Khalil Gibran

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are. —Marianne Williamson

What is Joy

It is a positive emotional state characterized by happiness, contentment, and fulfillment. It is considered one of the most profound and uplifting emotions humans can experience. It can arise from various sources such as achieving a personal goal, experiencing something beautiful or amusing, connecting deeply with others, or even internal reflections and achievements.

Unlike fleeting pleasures, joy often has a more enduring and deeply satisfying quality. It can also be contagious, enhancing the well-being of others around the joyful individual. In psychological terms, experiencing joy can have numerous benefits, including reducing stress, improving immune function, and enhancing overall life satisfaction.

Difference Between Joy and Happiness

Happiness and joy are positive emotions that contribute to our overall well-being but often differ in their sources, duration, and depth.

Happiness is generally considered a broader, more enduring state often linked to circumstances, external factors, and achieving personal or societal goals. It can result from experiencing regular positive emotions, maintaining satisfying relationships, and personal fulfillment. Happiness is often described in the context of life satisfaction, feeling good, and having one’s desires met.

Joy is usually described as a more intense, but often brief, burst of emotion prompted by an exceptionally positive event or experience. It can be felt during moments of achievement, spiritual experiences, or while engaging in activities that deeply fulfill. It is associated with a sense of profound gratitude or connection, sometimes to a degree that transcends personal circumstances.

In essence, while happiness can be understood as a more consistent state or an overarching quality of life, joy is more about sudden, intense peaks of positive emotion. It can be a component of happiness, but it can also arise independently of one’s general state of happiness.

Why is Joy Important

Joy is a profound aspect of human experience that plays several crucial roles in our lives. It helps to counterbalance the stress and challenges of everyday life. Experiencing moments of happiness or joy can provide a necessary break from the negative emotions that can otherwise overwhelm us. It has been linked to various physical health benefits. These include reduced stress hormones, lower blood pressure, improved immune function, and potentially even longer lifespan.

Joyful states promote relaxation and can help mitigate the effects of stress on the body. These social connections are vital for emotional support and can provide a sense of belonging and community. Joy contributes positively to mental health by enhancing resilience. It enables people to recover more quickly from setbacks and reduces the risk of conditions such as depression and anxiety.

It enriches life’s experiences, providing immediate pleasures and long-term benefits to our well-being. This makes cultivating it an important endeavor in one’s life journey.

How to use it to impact the community around you

Joy not only enhances our own lives but can also profoundly impact others and the broader community.

It is contagious. Maintaining a joyful demeanor can lift the spirits of those around you. This positive energy can increase morale and motivation, encouraging others to act kindly and compassionately.

Joyful interactions create bonds between people. Sharing your happiness encourages social connections and builds empathetic and supportive communities. These networks can become platforms for collective action on social issues.

Being joyful even in challenging times can inspire resilience in others. Your example can teach people that despite difficulties, finding moments of happiness can provide the strength needed to persevere and overcome obstacles.

Art and culture are powerful expressions of joy that can raise awareness, change perspectives, and inspire action. Through music, painting, writing, or dancing, creating art that expresses joy can touch hearts and mobilize change.

The connection between joy and spirituality

Joy and spirituality are deeply intertwined, with each element enriching the other.

Spirituality is a direct source of joy. Spiritual practices and beliefs can provide a sense of purpose, connection, and understanding that contributes to well-being and happiness. Whether meditation, prayer, rituals, or community worship, these practices can elevate one’s mood and bring about a joyful state of being.

Spirituality often offers tools and perspectives that help individuals cope with life’s challenges. Spiritual beliefs can provide comfort, hope, and stability when facing difficulties. This resilience contributes to a sustained sense of joy, even in less-than-joyful circumstances, by offering a broader perspective on life’s ups and downs.

Spirituality often encourages the pursuit of inner peace and contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. This inner serenity is a crucial aspect of joy that is more steady and enduring than the fleeting happiness derived from material or superficial sources.

Spiritual paths often emphasize personal growth and transformation. Becoming more self-aware and developing virtues such as compassion, patience, and gratitude can lead to profound joy. This is often described as a deeper, more fulfilling type of happiness compared to more superficial pleasures.

Joy from a Biblical perspective

Joy from a biblical perspective, is considered a profound, enduring, and spiritual quality that believers experience as a part of their faith in and relationship with God. It is deeper than mere happiness, which can be fleeting and dependent on external circumstances. It is often tied to inward peace and contentment in knowing God’s love and salvation, regardless of external conditions.

Joy is frequently described as a gift from God. The Psalms, for instance, talk about finding it in God’s presence (Psalm 16:11). The Apostle Paul writes about rejoicing in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4), indicating that the source of Christian joy is the enduring nature of God, rather than the fluctuating conditions of life.

In Galatians 5:22-23, joy is listed as part of the fruit of the Spirit. This means that it is a quality produced in a person by the Holy Spirit. It is not something that believers generate on their own, but it is a result of the Spirit’s active work in their lives.

Biblical joy can coexist with suffering. James 1:2 encourages believers to “count it all joy” when they face various trials, suggesting that it comes from knowing that these trials are developing perseverance and spiritual maturity. This perspective is echoed in other scriptures that associate joy with endurance and growth through adversity.

In summary, joy in a biblical context is a complex, robust emotion that transcends circumstances, rooted in the spiritual realities of God’s presence, actions, and promises. It is both a gift and a response, deeply woven into the life of faith.

The post Joy appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Live a Life Beyond Fears

admin — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 13:58:38 +0000

Living a life beyond fears is a powerful and transformative journey that involves both self-reflection and intentional action.

It is critical to identify and acknowledge the specific fears that hold you back. Explore the origins of your fears and understand how they may be rooted in past experiences or limiting beliefs. Embrace the reality of your fears without judgment. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means acknowledging your feelings without letting them control you. Challenge and reframe negative thoughts that contribute to your fears. Develop and repeat positive statements that counteract your fears.

Take small, incremental steps to confront your fears rather than trying to overcome them all at once. Enlist the help of friends, family, or a therapist to provide encouragement and guidance as you face your fears. Instead of viewing failures as roadblocks, see them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Remember that overcoming fear is an ongoing process, and it’s okay to seek professional help if needed. A therapist or counselor can offer guidance and support as you work towards living a life beyond fear.

Cindy Moore is a unique blogger and has a unique take on life. She focuses on living life beyond fears, limitations, and her comfort zone and embraces a sense of wonderment and adventure. She recently started a healing journey. She changed her diet and has become healthy. Cindy shares some amazing experiences and her path to living a fulfilled life.

Cindy, help me understand what it means when you say you are a woman on a journey and living life beyond fears?

I spent most of my life living in fear, playing it safe, and staying well within my comfort zone. Two deaths, close together, helped me to realize that I no longer wanted to spend another moment of my life living in fear and playing it safe. My journey began as an inner one with facing my fears. My decision to move beyond my comfort zone launched a year of trying a new experience every day. My blogging journey began simultaneously as a way to chronicle those new experiences.

You talk a lot about enchantment, surrender, and inspiration. Break it down for me?

After moving beyond my comfort zone, by trying new experiences, my whole life opened up. I recognized that life is meant to be experienced as a magical or enchanted journey and that the Divine offers help and guidance for that journey. I see life differently than I used to and I see signs and wonders everywhere that delight me and encourage me to keep going. Every day I have ongoing conversations with the Divine that lead me to new people, opportunities, and yes, experiences. Surrender involves letting go of the familiar and allowing myself to be carried, in the “Flow of Life”, to those new people, opportunities, and experiences. It involves trust and builds a sense of adventure. I know I’ve moved out of the flow of life when I feel resistance to an opportunity or experience.

Please explain what it means to live beyond fears, limitations, and comfort zone?

Living Beyond, for me, means to move past those fears, limitations, and comfort zones by trusting that the journey meant for me is for my greatest and highest good and also for the good of others in my life. Fear shuts me down and stops me from moving forward. Living Beyond opens me up to possibilities and expands my thinking and perspective so that I can see life in a bigger way. As fresh opportunities arrive, I say “yes”, which moves me beyond my comfort zone as I try new things. Limitations are old ways of thinking and doing things. Going Beyond means I’m willing to open to new ways of thinking and doing things. Comfort zones keep us safe and also keep us from trying something that feels scary or uncomfortable. I believe in living beyond fears.

Give me some examples of embracing a sense of wonderment and adventure?

Embracing wonderment and adventure means living with a higher awareness of all that is going on in my life and seeing the connectedness of all things. Two years ago, I played a game that I created, in which I wrote 30 different activities on slips of paper and dropped them into a jar. Each day I drew out an activity and did it. What I quickly realized was that the activities, drawn at random, perfectly matched the amount of time I had each day or, amazingly, the weather. I only had two rainy day activities in the jar. I drew both of them on the only two rainy days I had during the month. What are the odds of that? That’s wonderment and that’s trust. It’s also the Divine at work in my life. When I asked the Divine, in amazement, “Do you want to play with me?”, the answer I received back was “Do you want to play with ME?” My answer was YES and my life hasn’t been the same since.

What is the main reason for your blog and what are you trying to achieve?

The purpose of Cindy Goes Beyond is to help readers realize that life can be lived at the edges…of comfort zones, limitations and fears. We can live BIG lives and experience joy, wonderment, and enchantment if we develop higher awareness. I share posts around nature, gardening, travel, and the inner journey…all with the intention of helping others to see what an enchanted life looks like.

Talk to me about some challenges you have been through and how you dealt with it and are thriving?

I grew up very fearful of many things. However, my primary fear was to live as the person I was created to be. I am an intuitive and yet I feared my abilities and tried to separate that “weird” part of me from my “normal” self. That didn’t work. It only shut down my creative side. Moving past my fears and accepting myself exactly as I am opened the door to my creative side again. And I moved beyond my fears by facing them and sitting with them and exploring my intuitive side. As I learned more about who I am and what I can do, the fears subsided.

Give yourself some advice when you were 16, 26, and 36?

Age 16: Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Spend your teen years getting to know yourself. And don’t be so concerned about what other people think. Be you, without hiding, without pretending to be someone else, just so people will feel comfortable around you. You are afraid because you don’t understand who you are.

Age 26: Enjoy these years with your young family. Encourage your son and daughters to be fully who they are, by showing them who you are. They will follow your example. Continue to invest in yourself by doing the things that bring you joy.

Age 36: This is your time to shine, as a woman. Banish any lingering fears and self-doubts and pursue the life you want. Know fully what your purpose in life is and don’t let anything get in your way as you live from that place of intentional being.

What does women’s empowerment mean to you?

Empowerment for women starts with complete acceptance of who we are. It’s an inner journey that manifests as an outer journey. We must learn to parent ourselves, if we had bad parents, and love ourselves deeply and fully if our spouses/lovers have not done that for us. We cannot look to others to do these things for us. We set ourselves free, and the people in our lives free, when we do not need acceptance and love to come from outside ourselves. Once we are free, we can help to free others to live extraordinary lives.

Give my female audience three pieces of advice?

Accept yourself completely. The journey to self-love begins with self-acceptance. Love yourself fully by embracing who you are and then really live from that space. Be you…and find the things that you enjoy doing. That is your passion.

Pursue your passion. Share your passion with others as you journey and you will make a difference in the lives of others.

How important are food, faith, finance, and family to you? How do you find a balance and prioritize among them?

They are all connected. The food we eat provides the building blocks for our bodies. The foods we choose can nourish and heal…or they can slowly poison us to death by fostering disease. I embraced a plant-based lifestyle three years ago, to heal my body of various ailments. There is no turning back for me. I am healthier than I have ever been and living life beyond fears has helped.

A second blog, Journey With Healthy Me was born from that decision to take charge of my health and help others do the same. I’ve discovered that as I healed, my desire increased to help others heal, and then even further out, I developed a deep desire to heal the planet as well. Faith is extremely important to me. I believe God, or the Divine, guides me daily. I listen through prayer and meditation but I also receive through songs, random conversations, signs, and intuition. Finances, or money, comes as we connect with who we are and do that which we are created to do. My family is my legacy. My children and grandchildren learn by my example and through our conversations. It is important for me to live a joy-filled, enchanted life so that they have “permission” to do the same.

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Joanna Lafleur: 21st century’s Aimee McPherson

admin — Sat, 10 Apr 2021 04:00:14 +0000

Joanna Lafleur has an undergrad in communication and business and a master’s in theological studies focusing on how to use digital communication tools for evangelism and discipleship. Over the last 15 years, she has spoken at churches, conferences, camps, and ministries in North America, Europe, and Asia. She also led the creative communication team at Sanctus, a multi-site church in Ajax. Joanne Lafleur also hosts a podcast for Creatives and Communicators called Word Made Digital and teaches the Bible on a nationally televised Christian talk show called “See Hear Love”, now in its 4th season. She is a proud aunt to 12 nieces and nephews, a board member with InterServe, a songwriter with C4 Worship, and an advisor to the Institute of Evangelism at Wycliffe College.

Joanne help me understand your role as a director of communications in a church setting?

I typically try to explain it by saying that I get to oversee everything you see and touch in our church at a church-wide level. What I mean by that is signage, images on screens, videos, banners, graphics, branding, printed promotional cards, magazines, interactive elements within a service like booklets or stickers, church-wide emails, social media, photography, etc. By no means do I do all this myself! We have a great team of staff, volunteers, and contractors that work together to get this done week in and week out. Generally, all this is being done under my conviction that the Church has the most important message in the world, so I’m trying to help us be the best communicators we can be of that message, in our ever-changing, highly digital culture.

Talk to me about your TV show, blog, and your podcast. What is the ultimate goal of these shows?

In general, wherever I’m communicating and over whatever medium, my prayer is that I actually help real people. On the TV show, my desire is to communicate the Bible and who Jesus is in a joyful, practical, and accessible way that might encourage viewers who are going through all kinds of struggles of their own and need the hope of Christ. In my writing, I’m trying to provide practical help for real communications problems that people working in churches wrestle through every day, often with much less resource than we have in a larger church. On the podcast, I’m trying to help creatives and communicators see their work differently while getting an inside look at some of the voices in the field that inspire them.

You are also a pastor in a role held by men since the beginning of time. Explain the highs, lows and the challenges of being taken seriously?

That’s a big question! We could spend a long time talking about this, so I want to, first of all, recognize that it’s a big topic, and full of lots of emotions and opinions for people. That said, generally, I don’t want to make gender a big thing in the spheres where I lead. I don’t label myself as a “woman leader” when I walk into a room. I am simply, a leader. I’m not sure I’ve ever had an issue with being “taken seriously”, because I try to walk in the confidence of my calling.

Whether man or woman, you are taken seriously by leading well. Getting an education. Backing up the talk with action. Increasing your emotional intelligence. Loving the people, you serve. Becoming better at what you do by being teachable. Living with integrity publicly and privately. That brings lots of challenges, but I’m not sure they are uniquely female.

I would say the particularly female challenge for many, and it was for me, was coming to terms theologically with what I understood was the calling of God on my life to lead. It wasn’t just should I go in this direction, but actually, is this in obedience and alignment with scripture? I don’t think men ask that question when stepping into leadership, and for me growing up with very few models of women in leadership, it was a wrestle initially to come to understand the amazing opportunities there are for women to lead or pastor. Now, I hope the generation coming up after me has many amazing examples of men and women to follow after as mentors and models of leadership.

You are like me, you grew up in a couple of different countries and like to travel. What has all those experiences taught you as a person?

The biggest thing for me, beyond a desperate desire to travel every month, is that there are lots of ways to do things, and just because something is different doesn’t make it wrong. There are many ways to get to a similar goal: making a meal, raising children, leading a country, worshipping Jesus… all can have a few approaches with pros and cons to them, and we are more the same than we are different as humanity. I hope it’s made me be a more open-minded person to new ideas, people, and foods.

In life, we all go through challenges. Give me an example of something you have been through and how you are dealing with it?

A current challenge I’m going through is learning to grieve well. I’ve experienced a lot of deaths in my family in the past year, and my father who has Parkinson’s and dementia has really taken a turn for the worse in 2019. It’s a strange thing to grieve someone who is still alive, yet each month we lose more and more of who we knew him to be, so it is prolonged grief. I’m learning that I’m stronger than I thought I was. I’m learning to be gentle to myself. I’m learning what it looks like to serve someone who once served me. I’m drinking lots of coffee, praying lots for endurance, and trying to keep a great sense of humour about it all.

As a Millennial what are some of the challenges your generation is facing?

The biggest one that comes to mind, is that a lot of experts talk about this as a “fatherless” generation. A lot of the struggles for identity, purpose, career and education pursuits, financial stability, and more seem to stem from so many people lacking a solid father figure to guide them and love them in a consistent way. This is not my own personal story, but absent or just unavailable dads is a major marker of this generation. It leaves an amazing opportunity in the church for men to rise up and disciple a few younger people around them, caring for them with the love and wisdom of a father.

I have known you for a decade. Any advice you would give to your younger self?

I’d probably tell her to treat everyone with more kindness than she thinks they deserve, including kindness towards herself. And to buy as much Toronto real estate as possible before the prices went nuts

Rapid Fire questions

Favorite restaurant in TO

Depends on the occasion, but I love “La Carnita” on John St for out of this world tacos. And a little Italian place in Leslieville called “Frankie’s” that changes its fresh pasta menu every week.

Favorite café

Boxcar Social. Best coffee in the city (IMO).

Steak with which wine

Steak- medium-rare. Wine- I’m not an expert. When out, I usually just do the house red or a Cabernet Sauvignon.

Favorite beer

Jelly King, from Bellwoods Brewery. It’s a local sour beer from Toronto.

Favorite author

C.S. Lewis. A brilliant mind, and a life-long influence on my understanding of God. From a childhood in Narnia, to adolescence in his apologetics, to a seminary student taking a course on his evangelism style, to an adult finding comfort in a Grief Observed.

Favorite city

Toronto! And then: Marseille France, Amsterdam Netherlands, San Diego USA, Istanbul Turkey.

Name of one famous you want to have a meal with?

Famous people don’t appeal to me much. I’d rather have dinner with current friends or my grandparents who died before I met them.

The post Joanna Lafleur: 21st century’s Aimee McPherson appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Nena Hart: A Healing Heart

admin — Wed, 10 Mar 2021 05:00:32 +0000

Nena Hart is the Director of Nursing at Maui Health Systems. She is also a mother to four amazing children, a wife, married for 15 years, and a blogger. Nena is real and vulnerable about how she changed her heart from a stone to a living, healing heart. She considers herself super blessed.

Nena, help me understand your broken heart and how it changed to a healing heart?

Well, my dad went to prison when I was 12, and I lost both of my grandmothers that following year. Something just broke in me, my heart, my gentleness, everything just turned to hurt and anger. Long story short, I was sent away after my behavior escalated, and I was expelled. I went to a Christian boarding school that, after some controversy, is closed now. I stayed there for 18 months. My heart only truly started to heal after I met my husband, Jed. It was God’s way of showing me the truth of his promise that he had something amazing for me. Something that I had believed wholeheartedly was not ever going to be possible for me because of all I had done.

Talk to me about converting your heart from stone to flesh?

I had great mentors and support in my life who have counseled me and given me hard truths about life and how to use the natural consequences of my actions to grow. When I got married, I started to understand what love really meant: the choice, the humility. I started to realize what a selfish and self-focused person I had become. I started to realize this because I saw the kind of person my husband was and recognized I was not like him at all.

Growth and success in life need a lot of healing, introspection, and will to deal with stuff. Explain how you did it and came out thriving?

I have tried really hard to realize (usually after the fact haha) that I am not right and don’t need to be. That I am not all-knowing. I ask people why they did things and intentionally choose not to judge their answers. I am quick to judge a person so it has to be something I stop myself from doing.

In your blog, you talk a lot about tools in dealing with life. I want to know more about these tools.

Reflection and asking why. Writing, journaling.

Cutting out sources of negativity – even movies and the news if needed (I don’t watch gory movies, I don’t watch the news, and I don’t read smutty gossip type magazines, period) it doesn’t take me anywhere I need to go mentally, or in my career, as a parent, wife, etc. I try to only read helpful, encouraging, uplifting, positive materials.

Creating accountability and allowing people who are worthy and want to build you up.

Literally leaving behind temptations, and situations that set you up to fail. Cutting ties as much as possible with those who bring you down and do not support your ultimate goals of growth (not your crazy goals of blowing all your money on weird investments) but people who are users, who need you to fail to make themselves feel better, or people who cannot love you in a healthy way. I created physical, emotional, and mental distance from these people. Why – because I know I am NOT strong enough to be around people who are bad news. I had to start completely over.

Are religion and spirituality the same to you or is it different and why?

No, not really. I am a Christian. Religion to me is very confusing and not a relationship with Jesus, which is what I have. Spirituality can really be anything you want, the wind, the sky, I think it is very open to interpretation. What I am is saved by the Grace of God. It is VERY specific. It is not a debt I can repay. I have been restored from a dark place and it’s a personal experience that you can’t describe as do’s and don’ts. I think many people miss out on by being “religious” I also find that it is really easy to treat people badly when religion and rules are your guiding factor. That is not what Jesus wanted from us. It’s the opposite of what he preached and practiced on Earth.

Forgiveness….easy to write about…easy to talk about…but in reality, it is a process. Any comments?

I haven’t even fully achieved this yet. Sometimes an ugly memory will come up and I will feel resentment. I had expectations of people that they were not able to live up to, many unintentionally. My hurts are things I have to choose to let go of.

Humans are made to connect. There is a hole in each of us that can only be filled by connecting with people. We are leading busy lives and fail to connect. Does this alarm you?

It does sometimes when I realize my kids are in front of me begging me to play and I’m working or on my phone. I have to put it down and get on the floor face to face with them. Intentional parenting is something I’m really passionate about and I’m working on a separate blog about it!

How has marriage changed you?

Marriage has forced me to be a less selfish version of myself. It has been so hard and so easy to watch 15 years go by. Every day, choose to continue loving. I refuse to keep score against my husband. I refuse to expect fairy-tale romance and Instagram worthy pictures. THAT IS NOT REAL LIFE. I won’t sit and feel sorry for myself because marriage is not perfect. I have read tons of books and done several courses and it is your perspective and your self-talk that determines the health of your marriage. It is not something your partner can “do” for you. It’s not their job to make you happy and you won’t “feel happy” being married. Not real. False expectations. That being said, my husband is the same (even though we are total opposites) so it makes it easy when we are both committed to being positive and making it work NO MATTER WHAT. We consider each other feeling’s and apologize. Practicing humility and repeating Ephesians 4:2 A LOT.

You are a mother of four children. What have you learned from this experience?

These people need you to be understanding Growing up is so hard. They need 1:1 time with you. They need you to not freak out when they tell you something that as a mom makes you want to DIE. They need you to be approachable and not run them all over God’s creation to every single thing that they get invited to. They need boundaries. They need No.

Give me some tips to have a successful marriage?

Be humble. Don’t keep score. Don’t be right. It’s not worth being right, and there is no right answer, and it probably doesn’t even matter. “Is my marriage worth winning this argument?” Coming from divorced parents, I would do just about anything to make my marriage work for my kids, but God gave me a great guy and that helps a lot.

Let us talk about how faith, food, finance, and family are important to you?

I LOVE FOOD. ALL FOOD. I love to bake with my kids and make them special things. It is a kind of comfort that speaks to me. I like to teach my oldest how to cook things. My mom used to let me “bake” experiments and it helped me be creative in the kitchen. Most of my recipes are experiments haha. Faith is what should drive my life and my actions and my parenting, and my marriage. It should be #1 in my life. I struggle with that because reading my Bible is really challenging for me. Prayer comes easy for me. Just talk to God. Ask him what he wants, tell him what you want. Apologize when you screw up. It is a relationship.

My husband and I are completely debt-free except for my hefty school loans. It has been a painful process but 110% worth it. No credit cards. We follow Dave Ramsey and completed Financial Peace TWICE (I’m a slow learner and stubborn). it has probably saved our marriage more than twice. We don’t fight over money anymore. We use every dollar app and do a budget EVERY month. I’m a spender and our full-time income. I budget money on things I like to spend on (clothes and stuff for the kids mostly). It makes everything very simple and straight-forward. We pay with cash or debit. We have a small emergency fund and own a home (that we rent in another state) and our vehicle.

The post Nena Hart: A Healing Heart appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Faith, Obedience and Suffering

admin — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 05:00:29 +0000

What is the meaning of life?

In the first part of the interview, Mayple talks about women’s empowerment and leading an authentic and transparent life. In the second part, we discuss faith, obedience, gratitude, and embracing suffering.

I have known Mayple Dorrington since I started my career at Scotia Bank. Mayple was Director, Communications and Change Management at Scotia Bank. Mayple recently wrote a book called Finding: The Oasis in my Soul. It is a journal, an encouraging journey through the spectrum of real-life experiences of trials and triumphs. As you read her book, you can relate to it. You will see a reflection of your own experiences. The book asks some relevant questions about having an empty void within us, do we have doubts about our gifts, weaknesses, our purpose, and identity?

I am a big fan of gratitude and this book challenges my thinking to transform my mind and to get a deeper conviction of love and purpose in my life. If you are struggling with insecurity, fear, uncertainty, or anxiety, get the book, become empowered, lead an authentic life, and transform yourself for what you are intended to be.

I want you to explain a little bit more about faith, obedience, gratitude, love, peace, and hope that you talk about in the book?

Jerry, these powerful words are core to the Christian life. While each conveys specific meaning, for me they are all integral and interconnected in my Christian eco-system. God first loves me, knowing this and responding from a place of gratitude, my love flows by showing my obedience to his word and commands. It is walking with God as the object of my faith that I develop hope and experience His peace. In other words, the centrality of all these qualities emanates from the Spirit of God, expressed through His amazing love for me and all His people.

To illustrate my point, I shared a detailed account in my book of a time in my career when I wanted and was denied a specific job position. I was miserable and resentful in the beginning, but once I surrendered and embraced God’s alternate direction, I honed the expertise, experienced the passion and the success He planned for me. It was years after that it became clear to me that had I gone in my preferred direction, it would have led to my occupational demise. These types of events occurred multiple times throughout my life’s journey. When I choose my way, it may or may not be the best outcome, but why would I live in that space of uncertainty knowing that, when I sincerely commit the direction to God and led by His spirit, I always win. Hope keeps me vibrant, expectant and alive, with the joy set before me of God’s unpredictable outcomes. Obedience is important.

Give my audience some advice on how to draw power and strength from God’s amazing love?

Jerry this can be deemed the simple Nike slogan, “just do it” type of advice, but it is very difficult to put in practice. There is no set template, but this works for me and based on feedback, has helped countless people who I mentored over the years.

When we can look outward for inspiration and at the same time balance this holistic inflow with tapping into our inner core, what really makes us feel alive, our passion, which is our spiritual gifts, only then can we employ the right tactics to create visions, set boundaries, fashion guardrails, make everyday decisions to embrace opportunities and navigate landmines when they present themselves. It’s called our Personal navigation road map. This map allows me to see from a holistic vantage point endless possibilities more clearly. It helps me tailor my approach when to speed up, slow down, detour, or abort direction. This approach sends out positive and measured vibes in the universe that usually return to guide me. What we sow we reap, what goes around comes around, Karma happens!

Once the roadmap or playbook is established, commit this to ongoing prayers. It’s about staying focused but remaining flexible because we must know where we are heading to be able to make appropriate detours, otherwise, we are reactive drifters. As a consummate planner, it would appear that planning and living in the moment is a paradox! However, it’s only when we plan that we can effectively live in the present. Change is too rapid to remain in a state of indecisiveness, so we must be ready and poised to pivot on our feet, because managing change in a responsible manner, is not only a skill but is now a survival tactic. My natural tendency as a lifetime banker is to be structured, relying mostly on proven, evidence-based outcomes. These naturally lead me to rely on trends, patterns, formulae, traditions and so forth. Over time, with spiritual clarity, I realized these pieces of evidence are very useful, but at times can get twisted, even present artificial barriers and create limitations, particularly in a rapidly evolving world of constant change. I now take risks, learn from mistakes, bounce back quickly, keep growing and moving forward. Agility matters!

Being confident that God’s plan is to prosper and not to harm us, we can depend on God’s direction along the journey without fear or condemnation. Guided with the right cocktail of confidence, humility, and courage, our hope should be rooted in God’s strength despite the outcome of our plans. Sometimes the results will be as planned, other times denied or delayed, but we must learn the discipline to rely on God’s spiritual compass and stay the course. For me, it’s comforting talking with God as a friend, communing daily, intermittently and feeling his loving responses in my everyday activities. Seeing how He directs my path, often evident in hindsight, has always left me in awesome wonder. It is because of God’s unconditional love that I have victory in executing a plan in alignment with His will. For this to happen I must place trust into our relationship characterized by obedience and dependence, via consistent prayers in praise, thanksgiving, confession, wrestling for responses to unexplainable questions, events, and requests, but always doing so with reverence and in awe.

As I get older I realize decisions, dealing with issues, being intentional, accepting suffering and forgiving are part of a holistic approach to life. Please comment?

Jerry, I often ask myself and others, If each of us were to do a Character DNA test, what would the profile be? Would our great traits include resilience, perseverance, empathy, tolerance, courage, and compassion? If so, we have the characteristics of someone who has weathered hardships. You see, to stretch our faith muscles, we need trials because suffering often produces the discipline to troubleshoot, to handle stressful situations, being thankful rather than bitter, as we turn trials into victories. This constitutes a class of people who are intentional in taking ownership of their lives. We look at the big picture, rely on routines when necessary, but receptive to alternatives, have positive self-talk, self-compassion and make forgiveness a decision. We bear with each other with the realization that our actions are not about being right, but about being righteous and life’s journey is not about perfection, but about progress.

Yes, often with age comes growth, maturity and prayerfully wisdom, but in today’s environment, even the youths must learn at an early age to strive towards living purposeful and fulfilling lives. With technology, our global space is shrinking and everything is more about immediacy as we are constantly feeling the increasing pressure to keep pace with worldly standards, demands and expectations. Despite this tsunami of options, we must make our own choices, knowing life is not a one size fits all. What I believe is common to all of us is that, to navigate and survive this diverse and interconnected world, is to customize our vision board, remain centered, be self-aware, reserve judgment. We must learn to extend love to all, living in harmony with people and the environment, while entrusting our lives to God’s perfect plan.

The post Faith, Obedience and Suffering appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom

admin — Fri, 05 Feb 2021 05:00:03 +0000

February is Black History Month.

I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country.

Zenovia, welcome to my series on Women With Wisdom. Please tell my audience something about you.

My name is Zenovia V. Shaw. I am a 56-year old woman who is passionate about life, family, and purpose. I live in Pickering, Ontario, and I have been married for 31 years. I am a mother and a grandmother. I became a Christian 27 years ago and have not looked back.
I am self-employed as an esthetician. I love people, travel, gardening, and hosting gatherings…I am what you call a total extrovert!

Why is black history month important?

I believe history is history (from all backgrounds/nationalities) and should be integrated throughout the whole year and taught to everyone; however, I am grateful for the opportunity to have February as black history month. There has been so much given to the world by black men and women, and their stories are not widely known by the majority of the population. Great contributions, inventions, and examples of upstanding citizens. Things I was never taught as a youth to help develop that great sense of pride in my heritage. So much of what I saw and heard in society or in the media about black people was portrayed in a negative way. Black history month provides an ‘open door’ for everyone to walk through to educate themselves in hopes of refreshing their views.

Let’s discuss marriage! Give my audience some advice on marriage, what to look for, the challenges, how to stick through the thick and thin?

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly! Take more time to focus on the marriage than the wedding. For the wedding, which lasts for a day, every detail is planned and rehearsed, but too often the preparation for the marriage, which is supposed to last a lifetime, does not get the same level of attention.

Focus on what commitment looks like for a healthy relationship. Have fun together, laugh, serve God and others together. It is absolutely fine to say “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me”. In the marriage relationship, mutual respect, trust, and consideration are paramount. When disagreements occur, fight ‘clean and fair’. Once words are spoken, they cannot be unspoken…words do hurt! Another boundary to never cross is physical harm.

Once children enter the equation, the relationship changes as you focus less on each other and take on the responsibility to raise the children. For us, life threw some curveballs our way, such as financial or health challenges, to test our mettle. These challenges have all happened in our marriage. My kidneys failed two years into our marriage. Having gone through the stages of dialysis and organ transplantation 18 years ago, I am still going strong with the support of my husband, family, and friends. It is only for the glory of God. We as a family hung on to God’s word, prayer, promises, love, grace, and purpose.

We agreed as a couple that there will be no back doors in our marriage if we hold on to these principles.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? What were some of the challenges and what did you learn?

What a great responsibility! I totally enjoyed every moment of raising our daughter and son, even though our daughter did not sleep through the night for the first 13 months of her life! It was very exhausting, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep 30 years later. However, with every stage of their lives (the joys, cuts, bruised knees, colds, chickenpox, hormones, mess-ups, victories, great achievements) I’ve learned to enjoy every minute and still continue to do so. I understood that God entrusted them to me to enjoy and to teach and train them to know Him.

Now being a grandmother, the emotions of love, adoration, are heightened. There are no words to describe what I feel for my grandchildren. All I know is I want them to know how much I love them, how much God loves them and desires them to have a life to the full.

Please give yourself advice when you were 14, 24, and 34 yrs old?

Age 14

Focus on school more and not be concerned about other people’s opinions of you. Don’t even think about boys!

Age 24

Ask my parents more questions about their lives and experiences. Tell them I love them more. Find more meaningful ways to express my love for them.

Give that real estate course another chance.

This is a good time to begin saving for retirement.

High five on choosing to date the man I am now married best friends with for 33 years.

Age 34

No one ever plans to suffer illness in life, but these things do happen. Face your challenge head-on knowing it is happening for a reason and your experience will not be wasted. You will be able to help others who will go through the same challenges.

I know faith is very important to you. Walk me through your own journey and what you are learning about it?

I believe full well that God put eternity on the hearts of man. Realizing at an early age that the void that I felt in my life was not being filled with…the job, money, things, seeking love and acceptance from man, starting my own family unit. I somehow knew God had to play a part in the true purpose of being.

I, therefore, embarked on my journey to find a deeper meaning for my existence. I tried church hopping, to see which denomination was a fit. I became envious of those who had a deep love for God. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t (or couldn’t) develop that type of relationship.

I always believed in the God of heaven but not until I stumbled upon a bible-teaching church did I get to know the character of God and truly who he is. Once I got to know God and his depth of love for me, my love for him began to grow. Life began to have genuine joy and purpose. I was happy due to my circumstances (marriage, kids, etc.), but now, I experience a joy that comes with confidence knowing who I am and what I have in Christ.

As humans, we were made to connect and be in relationships. However, with social media and modern life is making us more lonely. Give some advice as to how we can become a part of a community?

As humans, we were made to connect. That is how we were created. We are social beings and we weren’t meant to be alone.

Social media has given some of the shy types a voice and a presence to express themselves. It has given those who like to encourage others a platform to reach as many as possible with words of inspiration, pictures of the world around us, greetings, etc. On the dark side, it has been used to hurt and diminish others.

To become a part of a community, I think the key is to become more outward. Seek to make a difference in some small way. Focus on giving more than taking. Beware of the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality. I’ve found that these principles bring true joy and happiness.

Volunteering is a great way to become part of a community.

Serve your neighbors (help with snow removal, mow lawns, rake leaves) especially if they are elderly, widows, or special needs.
Visit seniors in nursing homes or retirement homes where loneliness is a real issue
Coach a team
Teach life skills at a local community center

Rapid-fire…

Favorite restaurant….Benihana Japanese restaurant

Favorite meal…stew chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, salad

Favorite movie…Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)

Famous person to have a meal with…President Obama

What would I ask:

Moses: How were you feeling emotionally/physically that brought you to the point of disobedience when you struck the rock when you were directed to speak to it?

Jonah: Why were you hesitant to go to Nineveh?

Paul: When you were struck with blindness on the road to Damascus, what were your thoughts and fears?

Mary: As you watched your son as a toddler, what was one thing he said or did that you stored up in your heart?

Sarah: How did you feel when you were presented as a sister and not a wife by Abram?

The post Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Finding Hope in the Midst of Suffering

admin — Sat, 12 Sep 2020 19:15:38 +0000

A Valuable Lesson on Hope

Carolyn Gerber Hofauer created a meal train for us in April of this year. I love to volunteer, love to give, and for the first time in my life, I am on the receiving end. Gerry Bell challenged me to ask for help as Debbie is fighting cancer. The truth is I am blessing them by allowing them to serve me. A tough concept for me, but I embrace it.

Telesforo Rodas and his daughter River are the second people to drop food for us. I come back from work, and Debbie tells me a father and daughter team dropped food for us. Debbie shows me a rock with hope and love painted on it. I take the rock and place it outside our home. A few weeks later, they bring another meal. This time there are Hope, Love, and Faith on the stone painted by Lyrica Dunnett, Sky Rodas, and River Rodas. I do not know the Rodas family personally, nor do I know them by name. A while later, I post on a forum thanking the community for providing us with meals. I also ask for the name of the father-daughter team that delivered the meal and painted hope and love on the stone. Lisa Rodas replies saying it was her husband and daughter.

The previous week Devon Dienesch’s daughter drew a few words of encouragement. Debbie takes that with her every time she goes for chemo.

As my wife battles cancer, COVID on the rise, and the economy in shambles, will my grit, optimism, self-efficacy, ability, soft skills or talent get me through these challenging times?

There is a reason River has written HOPE on this stone. What is she trying to tell me? What is her message? Why now?

What is hope? How can we use it in our lives? What are the humanistic, psychological, and spiritual connotations of hope? How do I use hope to get through these challenging times? Is it some vague spiritual concept? Or some esoteric framework designed in the ivory towers of academia. As I navigate hope in my own life, I want to look at it from a spiritual, humanist, and psychological perspective.

Charles Snyder in the Hope Theory posits that hope consists of agency and pathways. Hope helps the individual with the will to overcome the hurdles in life and provides various ways to overcome it. Liz Day in her research states that hope is linked to divergent thinking. Rebecca Gorres in her research on situational hope found that it leads to divergent thinking and different ways to cope with problems in life. She clearly differentiates between hope, self-efficacy, and optimism. Philip Magaletta and J. Oliver in their research found that hope is superior to self-efficacy and optimism.

Sure, professors can write about this stuff in the towers of academia. I am hurting. I am struggling. I could lose my wife. So many of my close friends are divorced. I have worked so hard on my marriage. I could lose her before my 19th anniversary. Life is not fair.

Lawrence Rifkin in Humanist Magazine talks about “The humanist worldview is filled with hope. We may be made of matter, but we decide what matters. It is through meaningful human action that a blank computer screen can become a poem, that slavery can become freedom. We can help others, alleviate suffering, and experience beauty. Humanism is not just the rejection of an idea. Humanism is an affirmation. It is a positive, clear-eyed response to our one world. It is saying ‘yes’, not saying ‘no.’”

This answer does not help me personally. Abstract philosophical concepts are too abstract for me when I am hurting. There is no substitute for love.

Lawrence Rifkin when pushed for providing hope for the hurting and the despondent states clearly that ‘humanism is not about hope. It’s about facing the world as it actually exists and making the best of it.’ I like how Rifkin does end his essay by saying get together with someone who is hurting, listen to them, and encourage them.

Hinduism looks at hope with Pratidhi which is a desire or a wish for something good to happen. Ok. I get it. Should I just wish for Debbie’s cancer to disappear?

Seyed Shirvani talks about hope in the Quran through the prism of Raja, Amal, and Tamanna. Raja means waiting for something, Amal means a desire and Tamanna means to make a request. I want the healing to happen now. I want the pain, suffering, and invasive treatments to stop.

From a Jewish perspective, Jonathan Sacks explains it best ‘Western civilization is the product of two cultures: ancient Greece and ancient Israel. The Greeks believed in fate: the future is determined by the past. Jews believed in freedom: there is no ‘evil decree’ that cannot be averted. The Greeks gave the world the concept of tragedy. Jews gave it the idea of hope. The whole of Judaism – though it would take a book to show it – is a set of laws and narratives designed to create in people, families, communities, and a nation, habits that defeat despair. Judaism is the voice of hope in the conversation of mankind’.

The three theological virtues of Christianity are faith, hope, and love. River, Sky, and Lyrica you got me.

From the Christian perspective, Psalm 42:5 says Hope in God! For an independent, rebellious, broken, and messed up individual like me this ‘hoping in God’ concept does not come naturally. However, I have to drill it into my inner psyche.

Biblical hope gives me an emotional shock absorber to handle the wrong, be loving, and not get caught up in a victim mentality or self-pity. With Debbie battling cancer, the emotional engine allows me to persevere.

Hope is an eagerness for something favorable to happen in the future. Biblical hope is not just eagerness for Debbie to get healed but being confident about it and expecting it to happen. There is moral credence in it. What River was telling me is just do not cross your fingers that Debbie will get healed but expect great things from the Creator. I looked at Hebrews 6:9-12 ‘each one of you to show the same earnestness in realizing the full assurance of hope until the end’. I cannot afford to be lethargic but be zealous and pursue the full assurance of hope.

River, I have my doubts. Can I have this hope? Does it prepare me to see my wife ravaged by cancer? The role of a caretaker is tough and challenging.

Doubt is the natural adversary of biblical faith. Hope is an integral part of faith. OK, River, you got me. I give up.

As we get older, we have to embrace pain, suffering, disappointment, and things not going as planned. The more you embrace these issues the better you will do. In a matter of weeks, Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, had a mastectomy, a job offer for me was rescinded due to COVID, the fridge broke down, the fence broke and we had a major infestation in our house caused by a box given to us.

I really had to have the attitude of ‘what now’ instead of ‘why me’. I had to be grateful and focus on the positive. I had to be resilient. Finally, I had to focus on hope. As a man of faith, I had to accept my brokenness. When you are broken, the light comes in. The light gives you hope.

I do not know the Rodas family. It was the thought of one young girl in her innocence to get the ball rolling that challenged me to my core. Thank you, River, Sky, and Lyrica. The stones are outside for everyone to see. Every day before I enter my house, I read the words on those stones. I am encouraged, strengthened, lifted high, and it has changed me forever. Your one act has created a ripple that will have an everlasting impact.

As you read this, I hope your reservoir is overflowing like Niagara Falls, deep down in the dam of your soul, the hydroelectric generator of peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, and unconditional love will churn the new power of glory and help you to have hope to deal with the postmodern dystopian world of pain and darkness.

The post Finding Hope in the Midst of Suffering appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Practical Faith

admin — Fri, 03 Jul 2020 17:44:05 +0000

Welcome to my series on practical faith. We eat food daily, so we understand food. We have a brother, sister, mother, father, son, or daughter, so we comprehend family. We use money daily, so we know its power. But faith… What is it? For some people, it could be Jesus, Chris Tomlin, Louis Hay, David Crowder, John Demartini, or Esther Hicks. For others, it could be a get-rich scheme, the secret to success, or a method to manifest abundance.

Over the last 18 months, I have interviewed people from the Hindu, Parsi, Sikh, Mindfulness, Living Arts, Sahaja Yoga, and various denominations of Christianity.

I want to delve into the practical aspects of having faith. Debbie has been fighting cancer for the last seven months. Karen drove in the worst storm, gave up her shift to drive Debbie to her surgery, and stayed with her the whole day. Alison drove 40 minutes to pick Debbie from the hospital. Karen and Alison do not follow any faith. However, the community has rallied around us. Over the last three months, Carolyn created a meal train for us; people are giving us gift certificates, someone is paying for my fence to be repaired, and so on. These people are putting their faith into practice.

Lori Beth runs a faith-based blog to encourage your daily life. She covers diverse topics concerning her faith. I ask her real, deep questions as to how faith can be put to practice, God’s power, building faith, and feelings are not facts.

Lori, please talk to me about what faith is. I find faith is easy to preach, even easier to write and read about. Living it day in and day out and practicing peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity, forgiveness, compassion, and serving others. That is when the rubber hits the road. Please comment?

Faith means having a belief in something that you cannot necessarily see at the moment. The Bible says that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.

Faith is easy to preach and write about. The real test comes in living it out. I think when someone truly yields their life to God and relies on the Holy Spirit, it makes living this out possible. I consider myself to be someone who has a strong faith in God, yet this does not mean I am perfect. I have my days where I feel I’m on a mountaintop, obeying God, serving others, and showing love. But then there are days I find myself getting impatient, acting in the flesh, disobeying God’s instructions, etc. And I believe this is just part of being human and battling with the sinful nature. When these things happen, I am convicted to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness and lean on God’s help to overcome. I think having faith in God is what keeps me going and it helps me- to not give up on God, and not give up on myself. It is possible to live a life of victory in faith when you consistently go to your source (God) no matter what. For example, if I have to forgive someone who hurt me deeply, I cannot do this on my own strength. But when I go to God and say “Lord, help me see this person how you see them. Help me to let this go and cast this onto you. I cannot handle this but you can,” there is a power in doing that and then I am able to show forgiveness. This does not mean it is easy. This does not mean it is instant either. But it means it is possible. I have to rely on God and my faith in Him more than relying on my own feelings.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Faith does not always protect us. Talk to me about this statement because sometimes we get confused?

Bad things happen to everyone no matter what. Because we live in a broken world, even Christians will face hardships and suffering.

I think it’s important to know that as Christians, sometimes a lot of bad happens to us because we are being attacked by the enemy. God can certainly deliver us from these attacks and/or show us how to overcome the attacks and fight through them. What I love is the phrase “You take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good”. We see Joseph say this in the book of Genesis.

It is important to understand as I stated before that a lot of bad happens due to living in a broken world. When Adam and Eve sinned, sin entered the earth. This left us all open and vulnerable to an imperfect place to live in. So we are not immune to sickness and pain. Bad happens as well because sometimes God is testing our faith. If we never faced hardships, our faith would not grow. We would have no reason to cling to God and focus on him if we lived in perfect earth. I think a lot of times we face tribulations because God wants to humble us, prune us/ cleanse us, and mature us.

What is the difference between North American Christianity and individualism and the real Christianity of embracing suffering, being humble, and turning the other cheek?

Sometimes North American Christianity can be very self-focused. We may not say it aloud, but sometimes we act and believe as if God was the one created in order to make us happy. We like being comfortable and in control of our lives. We often forget that we are the creation. We exist for Him, not the other way around. We exist to worship Him, have fellowship with Him, and glorify Him with our lives. Sometimes that includes a lot of suffering. We can’t think suffering is a terrible thing, because truthfully suffering is what purifies us and draws us closer to God than ever before. To endure suffering for God is something that is honorable. I think North American Christianity gets mad at God for allowing suffering. While real Christianity understands that this world is not our home, so we will have to endure a lot of pain on this earth. The solution is not to run from it but find God in the midst of it. He is very present in our pain. The Christians in the book of Acts endured countless amounts of suffering, especially Paul. He was beaten, flogged, jailed, ridiculed, and killed. This was a man who loved God more than anything and look at what he had to endure. The disciples who walked with Jesus on this earth were also killed for their faith. But they were able to spread the gospel message and that is what mattered. Sometimes we as Christians can be very worldly in our thinking patterns and in what we expect from God. But when we decide to truly study the Scriptures, our minds can be renewed and we can be set free as we find what it truly means to be a Christian.

The older I get I realize I need to become intentional to have health, friendships, relationships, and everything else. The old adage just pray about it, trust, and read your bible does not cut it anymore. Help me understand this better?

Praying about situations, reading the Bible, and trusting God are the first steps to anything important. These are the foundations of the faith. In order to have health, praying about it is a place to start. Then, you take action. This could mean exercise, cutting things out of your regular diet, being disciplined to say no to sugar, etc.

The same goes for friendships and relationships. I pray a lot about those things. The Word shows us how to be a good friend and how to truly show love in our relationships. Then putting our faith and what we have learned in the Word into action is important. It’s not enough to just know the right thing, it’s about putting it into practice. I have prayed a lot about purposeful friendships. I find that God always brings someone into my life when I pray for it to happen. Now, this does not mean I sit at home and a new friend just comes to my door of course. It means maybe I seek someone out at church, I join a new small group or ministry, or volunteer somewhere and start seeking out friends. So the action steps are important but praying that God leads is always the right place to start.

Instagram is the land of selfies and the likes. Is that good for us? Should we really judge our worth with likes?

Instagram can be very damaging if we are not careful about guarding our hearts against pride. I think sometimes we incorrectly believe we are somehow more important when people pay attention to us on social media. If we struggle with insecurity, we may be using those likes as fake validation. When really, it’s a silly thing to do. Our worth is not found in likes, but it’s found in Jesus Christ. Jesus died and shed His blood for each one of us. He sees us as worthy. His thoughts of us need to matter more than anyone else’s. His approval is what matters, not the approval of man. So I would say it’s kind of dangerous to judge our worth in social media. Social media can never deliver us from insecurity, only a relationship with Jesus and knowing our true identity can do that.

I love your article concerning the single woman. Talk about your own experience through that whole process?

Although I am currently married (just a few months in, I’m a newlywed), being single was one of the things that I struggled with a lot. I write about it in hopes to encourage others with my story.

When I was single, I had a season where I was content with that. I became very close to God and learned how to love Him above all things. I allowed Him to fill my voids, just by prayer, spending time in worship, and focusing on Him. There was a point where I truly did not want to date anyone because all I wanted was more of God and I did not want any distractions.

Then eventually, that faded as I got really caught up in my feelings. I got caught up in looking at everyone else’s lives. I especially got caught up at my age. People would ask me why I wasn’t married yet and that began to bother me. I felt pressure from those around me, and I also started to feel lonely and began to dwell on that loneliness. So I started compromising, lowering my standards and started dating just because I did not want to be alone anymore. I did not try to necessarily date Christian men, but men who seemed decent and would give me attention. After a few breakups, I found myself very broken. I realized I was forcing relationships out of loneliness. None of the men I dated were truly anything that I knew God wanted for me. I had always envisioned myself with a strong man of God, with someone who could lead me, pray with me, and seek the Lord with me. I dated men who weren’t sure if they even believed in God and some that did but just did not seem to fit well with me.

Eventually, I had to lay down those relationships. I felt very rejected during this time and I had to come to the conclusion none of them could truly give me the love my heart needed. I was very desperate for a man more than God, and that mentality had to change.

I started to do a few things to change. I fasted and prayed. I joined a group of young women my age in a bible study and we met weekly, discussing topics that were important to us and strengthened our faith. I got a life coach who walked me through the reasoning behind my decisions. She encouraged me to wait on a godly man and not lower my standards. I resolved that the next man I would give a chance to would have to meet those standards of being a strong believer and that I could truly see a future with him.

At this point, I was 30 years old. I was seeking a lot of new things in my life, such as a new job and a new location. I was praying and fasting for God to open those doors. I also began to pray and fast specifically for a godly husband. That year, God opened the door for me to move, get a new job, and eventually meet a great godly man in my new location who would become my husband. I love my husband and one of the best things about Him is his strong faith in God. He pushes me closer to God and does not try to take God’s place in my life. That is exactly what I wanted. So, I’m very glad I did not settle many years ago out of loneliness and out of the pressure from others to hurry up and be with someone. It takes a strong person to hold up their standards and not lower them.

I am really a loyal person and sometimes wanted my friends from kindergarten to still be close. However, some relationships are there for a reason and for a season so no use chasing those relationships. What is your opinion on that?

It’s hard to accept that some friends really only come for a season. When we move to another area, another church, another job, we make new friends and it can be hard to keep in touch with old ones. That does not mean it’s impossible of course, I still have friends in different locations. But when you reach out to someone and they don’t respond, or it seems you are just drifting away and keeping in touch seems more forced than something natural, it might be a sign it was a seasonal friendship. And it’s okay to accept that and move on. It’s not a good idea to chase people unless the Holy Spirit is putting on your heart that you really need to remain connected to that person. This is possible. Sometimes hurdles present themselves but if God is putting in your heart that you should not cut that connection then you should listen.

You are one of the few female bloggers that have written about sexual purity. It has always been part of the male domain. Talk about the harm that kind of lifestyle can lead us?

There is a lot of harm that comes from sexual sin. I think one of the most important truths to recognize is that if you are in sexual sin, this hinders your intimacy with God. It’s very hard to be close to God if you are living that lifestyle because you are compromising by disobeying His Word. You are sinning against your own body and not valuing yourself. God’s will is that we all draw near to him, be satisfied with him, and live an abundant life of victory. But when you are in sexual sin, you are very distracted. I’ve heard the phrase, “How can you cast out a demon you are sleeping with?” And I believe that is a powerful statement. As Christians, we have to be focused on doing the will of God for our lives and having a close relationship with God. Our vision can become clouded when we are in sexual sin. This sin can keep us bound to people who God never intended to be in our lives. It also causes a lot of emotional pain. Women, in particular, become very clingy to men they are sexual with. Then when that man breaks their heart, they are left with so much pain that is hard to overcome. Sex bonds you to a person through the hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is released during sex. Because of this, it is not easy to forget someone you are with. Then in the future, you might bring all that baggage into a marriage. Also, women are usually longing for security in a relationship and think that if they have sex with the man maybe he will stay around forever. But if we give ourselves away so easily, and that man has no reason to stay committed, he can use you and move on while you are left chasing him. I have experienced the pain of sexual sin in the sense that I felt a lot of guilt, shame, and I felt a wall in my relationship with God. It took me many years to overcome it and finally feel strong again. The most damaging effect it had on me was the wedge it created between me and the Lord, and it stunted my growth. This left me feeling very broken. So I talk about sexual purity because this is an issue that must be spoken about among women. We can avoid a lot of pain and brokenness when we save ourselves and resolve to live a life of purity. It is possible with God’s help and leaning on Him.

I truly believe more harm has been done in this world through insecurity. You talk a lot about it. Walk me through that maze of insecurity?

Oh yes, insecurity is one of the most damaging things that humans deal with. I think it’s very common. I have dealt with many insecurities stemming from childhood. I had thoughts that told me I was less than others, that I was ugly, and I was not worth much. Some of it derived from growing up in a home with a lot of conflicts. Some of it came from constant comparison towards those around me. I believe the devil has tried to use that against me to kill my confidence. He does this to many others as well. When we are insecure, we are constantly unsure of ourselves. We are not firm in our decisions, we have a hard time speaking up about things, and have difficulty connecting with others. It can keep us from doing the will of God in our lives. If we feel we aren’t good enough for a certain position or ministry, that is stemming from a place of insecurity. Many people know they are gifted but are afraid to use their gifts because of insecurity. Insecurity can also keep a girl in a bad relationship and chasing boys that are no good because she does not know her worth. In one season of my life, I was that girl. God helped me overcome insecurity by going to a retreat when I was younger. I also learned to speak the Word of God aloud and believe it. At one point in my life, I decided to fast, pray, and read books about my identity in Christ and godly confidence.

God showed me where my insecurity was coming from and I had to deal with some past painful experiences. I would not say “I have arrived”, but the battle is not as intense as before. I stay in freedom by remembering the Word and prayer and casting down thoughts that don’t agree with God’s Word. God has taken me a long way. I have learned my worth is in Him and I definitely feel more secure in myself as an adult.

Prayer and being silent have been practiced since the beginning of time. Talk to me about the advantages and how it helps us?

Prayer is so powerful. When we just sit with God in his presence, He is able to speak to us and shows us things. When we get quiet with Him, we are able to deal with things in our hearts that He can reveal to us. We are able to find the true peace and healing that we need. Whenever I am stressed, I recharge by having alone time with God in my room. I put on worship music, I talk to him, then just sit and listen. I find myself always feeling stronger and more focused after I do this. I try to make this a more regular habit. I think for any Christian, prayer is like your oxygen. And alone time with God is necessary. If we don’t do it, we will certainly feel negative effects in our attitudes and our minds.

We may never have all the answers. I am ok with it. Instead of why me I say what now. Walk me through this statement?

To get away from saying “Why me” and saying “What now”, is a really good thing to do. When we are stuck on “Why me?” we can get stuck in self-pity and bitterness. It can lead us to get angry with God and feel like our circumstances are unfair. But truthfully sometimes we will never know why some painful things happen to us. We have to make that decision to trust in God and ask Him how to get through it and move forward. God will always use our pain for good when we trust Him with it. God is faithful to work things out in our lives no matter how bad it looks like in the present moment. When we can release our “Why me?” to God, and instead ask God “What now?” this gives God the liberty to steer us in the right direction. God may be wanting to show you how to overcome the pain so that you can comfort others who are in the same pain. It’s often where you feel the most broken that you are able to minister to others. It’s often when you are going through the fire that God is molding you and making you more mature. It’s one thing to say we have faith, it’s another to hold onto that faith no matter what happens in our lives. I think God is pleased when we choose to trust Him no matter what.

I’ve heard a story of a young wife who became a widow when her husband died unexpectedly. She now leads a ministry serving other young widows and telling them about how Jesus helps her with the pain. I heard a story of a young man whose wife died, and at first, he was broken. Of course, I am sure it still hurts. But God told him to use his energy to start a homeless ministry and he was able to bless those people in many ways. You just never know who you can help out of your brokenness, but have to trust God has a plan.

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