Why is communication in marriage important?

In order for a marriage to be sustainable, there needs to be love, honesty, commitment, and many other things. However, to develop that bond, there needs to be efficient communication in marriage between the couple. The truth is that if there is no communication between you and your partner, it basically means a lack of interest in each other. It creates misunderstanding and ambiguity. However, if you are open with your spouse about what you are going through and are open to feedback, then the result is respect, honesty, and trust.

I am fascinated by marriage. I have written about it. I have also interviewed pastors, authors, and psychologists who specialize in marriage.

I recently got invited to a marriage class on communication presented by David Jung. David has provided leadership for various non-profit organizations for over 25 years. He has a degree in Philosophy, a diploma in Counselling, a Master of Arts in Christian Counselling, as well as certifications in Conflict Resolution and Mediation.

I have written down my 10 key takeaways from his presentation and also added from my own experience.

Become Aware of  How VUCA Impacts Communication in Marriage

David Jung starts by talking about VUCA. The post-Covid world is volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous.

Marriage is now part of the VUCA framework. From my own experience, I have seen more close friends get divorced and some have remarried. There is so much uncertainty as marriages now involve prenuptial agreements with accountants, lawyers, and wedding planners getting involved. The very definition of marriage is under attack, creating ambiguity and complexity.

Know the Major Causes of Conflict in Marriage

The major issues in marriage that create conflict, hurt, and lack of forgiveness are family relationship dynamics, money, sex & intimacy, mismatched and unrealistic expectations, inadequate attention, jealousy and infidelity,  chores and responsibilities, control, not being appreciated, talking with an ex or about an ex, being possessive, who puts more into the relationship, clothes, goals, religion, and discipline.

Psychologists and academics agree that communication is the key element of a fulfilling marriage. However, why is so elusive? Why do couples struggle with communicating about so many issues?

Differentiate Between Facts, Fiction, and Opinion

The truth is small issues become big and can lead to friction, arguments, and then a lack of passion and affection in the marriage. So the anatomy of your conversation is based on your facts and how you view the world and then that forms your beliefs and values. We think our facts are more accurate, more important, and better than someone else’s because we are seeing them from our lens. Have you ever thought that your ‘facts’ could just be an opinion? Take five dots and put them on diagram 1 and then take five dots and put them on diagram 2. You could make a star out of one and a triangle with the other just by connecting them. So we need to know the whole picture.

Pay Attention to Different Points of View: Listen, Engage and Solve the Problem

In communication, it is important to look at points of view. What has four letters. Sometimes has nine. Never has five. What do you think?

If you look at what has four letters is a statement and not a question. The word ‘what’ has four letters ‘sometimes’ nine and ‘never’ has five letters. So it is important to look at the context. Saying to your partner ‘you never listen to me, I do not feel loved’. Now we have different points of view which do not align and these are the common three responses that take place between the couple:

We Fight -> We Argue, We Debate -> How about if were just to listen to our partner. How about asking ‘What did you mean by that?’

Flight (we take off from the room, shut ourselves, yell) -> Retreat, Close off -> How about engaging with the partner

Freeze -> Go Blank, Feel Numb -> How about listening, engaging, and solving the problem.

As a couple, look into what is your typical response. How about if one partner says to another let us spend some time. They go to Costco and spend three hours shopping and then they go home and the second partner play games on the video. This sets off the other partner as she wanted to spend some time on a date and not go shopping at Costco.

Focus on the Problem and Not Your Partner

Focus on emotional intelligence and become aware of your own emotions, and how to manage and use the information to guide your conversations. The lack of emotional intelligence will negate any strategies and tools you use. If your partner always comes late to events, lateness is the problem and not your partner.

Create Emotionally, and Physical Safety and Move From Assumption to Curiosity

Challenge your own assumptions…Be curious about why you want to spend time with me? Do not assume what they mean? Move from assumption to curiosity. Say something like:

‘I am curious…can you help me understand?’

‘I have noticed…can you help me understand?’

‘I would like to talk about…with you, but first I want to understand your point of view.’

‘I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about…I really want to hear your thoughts about this and share my perspective as well.’

Become Aware Of Positions and Interests

If a couple wants to go out for dinner. One wants to go for Italian and the other wants to go for Chinese. Now both are on top of the mountain with their positions. How about finding common interest or common ground. Both want to eat, both want to spend time together and both want to spend money. How about doing a take-out from the two different restaurants and then going to a park and having the meal together. By finding a common ground you are solving the position.

Look at the common interest of fairness, respect, safety, efficiency, growth, justice, happiness, autonomy, honesty, and loyalty. Ask why your partner wants to go for Chinese or Italian. What is so important about the restaurant?

Sharpen Your Listening Skills

For efficient communication in marriage, listening is the key. Focus on your partner and listen to what they are saying. If not, your partner will get frustrated and you will misunderstand the message. Listening is just not hearing the message but you need to put mental focus and physical effort into it. Look at the body language and tone of your partner. Get a total comprehension of your partner’s point of view. Encourage your partner to communicate in an open way.

Care About Your Partner

The goal of communication in marriage is to make the relationship stronger and the bond tighter. Focus on why your partner feels a certain way. Be sensitive to the feeling of your partner.

Even in Boxing, Hitting Below the Belt is Not Allowed

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are powerful weapons that can inspire or destroy someone. You have a choice to either encourage or break your spouse. Communication in marriage is a discipline of love. Your tongue is a spiritual thermometer. You need to step out of your own frame of reference and it is an ego-emptying activity. Dan Allender and Tremper Longman help us to be careful with our words ‘I am to sow words like seeds to bring a harvest of fruit…We must choose our words as if we were choosing an instrument of life or death.’ Please use your words to build up your partner.

Even after 24 years of marriage, I have to grow in every area mentioned above. Here is what I recommend for you. GET HELP if you are feeling that there is a lack of communication in your marriage. Go get marriage counseling. Talk to a friend you trust or a family member. An objective view from a counselor or a different perspective is what you need.

The post 10 Keys to Successful Communication in Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

I am sorry, I hurt you, I apologize

This week I received a message on FB Messenger. I recognized the name. It just said how are you. The person also wanted to add me as a friend on FB. I replied I was fine. He then went on to apologize for something that had happened more than two decades ago.

I was in a wedding party. After the couple had danced, it was time for the groomsmen and the bridesmaids to join them. I just went and sat down. One of the bridesmaids came up to me and said we should dance. As we started to dance, I noticed someone pushed me and started attacking me. It was the husband of the bridesmaid. Over the years the groom and I did have a laugh about the situation.

The Apology

The husband had sent me a message because he wanted to apologize. I told him it was OK. It was time to move on.

I admired him. It took guts, humility, and vulnerability.

Some of us have hurt other people. Some of us have been hurt by other people. A classmate at high school or university, a colleague, a boss, close friends, and family.

An apology is a good idea

An apology is a social act, a nuance to be polite, to pay homage, and show compassion towards the wronged person. It is important for our physical, mental, and emotional health.

An apology is an amazing idea if you have caused pain to another person. It results in you communicating with the other person and connecting with them. An apology validates the other person’s feelings and lets them know you care for them. It creates a safety net. You have repaired the relationship and have made the other person comfortable around you.

Validation is the acceptance and understanding of the other person’s feelings. The other person got hurt or scared by your actions. This kind of validation is curative.

Apologizing creates boundaries and rules around the relationship going into the future. You need to take responsibility for where you were wrong. Your actions caused pain and hurt someone.

Apologies restore dignity for the person you hurt. It tells the other person that your toxic behavior is not OK.

An apology is important to social order as it allows us to restore ourselves when we hurt someone.

Apology and empathy are linked together

In order for me to forgive the person who attacked me at the wedding, I had to have empathy, kindness and compassion for him. His apology paved the way for me to see him in a more compassionate way. His humble apology made it easier for me to forgive him. I all of a sudden developed a deep respect for him and saw him from a different perspective. The anger and bitterness I had felt that night melted. I saw him as a broken human being. He was human. There was this emotional healing and it allowed me to move on rather than being stuck in the past.

Motive, demeanor, and a meaningful apology

The motive and demeanor are two crucial aspects of an apology. When done in person, the motive and demeanor are communicated nonverbally. There needs to be sincerity about it. If not it has no meaning to the other person. The sincerity must come from deep within to be meaningful to the other person. An empty apology is manipulative.

An intentional apology, along with sincerity and meaning is powerful and transformative for the receiver and the giver.

Do not apologize if you are being forced to or you want something from the other person. Never make a bad promise. The goal of an apology is to press reset on the relationship and to build trust. It also conveys the message that you are aware of your behavior, actions and will try your level best not to repeat it again.

A meaningful apology must come with a pang of regret, obligation, and corrective action. You must come to terms with the fact that your actions hurt someone, communicate it, and acknowledge the breach you caused. You must take full responsibility for your actions and finally communicate that you will not repeat that toxic behavior.

In 2026, we need to apologize a lot more. We need to reach to those we have hurt and make a difference in their lives. It will transform you and the other person.

The post I Apologize appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong – Mahatma Gandhi

To err is human, to forgive, divine – Alexander Pope

Romance to ruin

It was my tenth wedding anniversary. I was excited to have made it this far.

As we celebrate in a fine dining restaurant on the Mayan Riviera, I ask Debbie how we are doing as a couple. I love asking Debbie this question. You see, in the last decade, she had never criticized me. On the other hand, if I ask my daughter how I am doing as a father, I always get a list of things I need to work on.

I am excited. Debbie will tell me that I have been sensitive, gentle, romantic and will thank me for bringing us to this amazing resort. The ego is waiting to be fed.

‘Jerry, I have to be honest with you about something. The first is that you are a lousy sleeper. The second is that every time we hang around certain people, you are not the same person for a week.

‘Wow! Wow! Wow! Hold on a minute…what do you mean I am a lousy sleeper?’

‘Well, it takes you an hour for you to go to sleep. You are always twisting and turning. And even when you sleep it feels like you are fighting someone’.

‘OK, OK, I get it. What about the second comment?’

Debbie names a few people.

Walk on the beach

In life, have you ever felt like someone has put a knife inside you? How about when they turn it and sprinkle salt and vinegar on the wound? That is how I was feeling.

After dinner, I took a long walk on the beach.

As the waves were fighting the gravitational pull of the earth and the moon, I was fighting what Debbie just told me.

However, it did explain something. All my life I have always felt tired. I have never pulled an all-nighter in my whole life. Debbie was so true about some of the names she mentioned.

I had to do something about it.

Around this same time, 7 men involved in my wedding got divorced. We also had a reunion from St. Andrews in New York and a classmate who lives less than an hour’s drive never showed up. After two years of planning, a university reunion did not occur because people could not decide which hotel to stay at.

Face to face with forgiveness

Keep in mind, that hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain they have some unresolved issues. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily – Joel Osteen

I am in Dr. Lin’s office. I told her about the talk I had with my wife. She asks me a few questions about my past. After an hour, we come to a mutual decision that I need help. I made a request about what kind of shrink I want (the control freak in me).

My first appointment with Coleen resulted in me talking about how many friends I had. She tells me that if anyone has more real friends than their fingers, there is an issue there. I learned not to try to impress her anymore.

It was a long, painful, difficult process. For the first three years, I came monthly.

We talked about unconditional love, abandonment, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, dealing with issues, taking people where they are at, being broken, and forgiveness.

Dealing with the reality

I am a perfectionist, have unrealistic expectations of people, am prideful, impatient, ungrateful, co-dependent on people, and am looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong people.

I was driving my wife nuts. She would clean the whole home, and mow the lawn, Jean was in bed, and dinner was waiting for me. But I had to pinpoint that one piece of stain on the hardwood.

I had unrealistic expectations from my friends that they had to be as loyal as I was to them.

I was arrogant that I was working on Bay Street.

I was driving myself crazy that I had not made it to Vice President at 35.

I graduated from one of the best high schools on the planet. I got honors from the best hotel school in the world. I do not smoke, drink or do drugs. Porn, that is for losers who do not get the real stuff. Me broken, never. I had to come in touch with me being broken.

I had to come in touch with my own criticism and negativity, deep-rooted from my own insecurities.

I had a bad temper and was impatient.

I could not spell being grateful and forgiving.

I had kept a record of wrongs for a long time.

I did not have boundaries in my life.

As I continued to talk, email, and write letters to those who hurt me, it was like a whole burden had come off.

I was sleeping better, happier, and became a better husband and father.

What is forgiveness

Forgiveness is the willful and purposed process by which a victim undergoes a radical change in emotions, awareness, and perspective towards an offense and does not believe in being vengeful or wants compensation from the offender and wishes the offender well.

Forgiveness does not mean we condone, excuse, forget, pardon (legal), or seek reconciliation from the offender.

Research has shown that forgiving other people is better for your health.

Am I perfect today? No. I still struggle with many issues and am more aware of them. I make fun of my perfectionism. If someone is rude or cuts me on the highway, I try not to take it personally.

I promise you I am not the same person that I was five years ago.

I warn you not everyone will be happy with this new you. You will gain and lose some relationships. Not everyone is comfortable with change.

As you read this article, please call someone who has hurt you or you have hurt. Forgive the other person. Trust me you will come out ahead. Write to me about how this process has helped you.

The post To err is human, to forgive, divine appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Prayer is a form of communication or supplication directed toward a deity, higher power, or divine being. It is a practice that is often associated with religious or spiritual traditions and is found in various forms across different cultures and belief systems.

In prayer, individuals express their thoughts, feelings, gratitude, requests, or devotion to the object of their worship. Prayers can take many forms, including spoken words, silent thoughts, rituals, or written expressions. The content and purpose of prayers can vary widely, ranging from seeking guidance, expressing gratitude, asking for assistance, seeking forgiveness, or simply fostering a sense of connection with the divine.

Different religions and spiritual traditions have their specific practices and beliefs regarding prayer. In some traditions, prayer may involve specific rituals, gestures, or recitation of sacred texts. In others, it may be more personal and spontaneous. Overall, prayer serves as a means for individuals to connect with their spiritual beliefs, seek comfort, and find a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives.

I talked to Pastor Beth Graf about prayer.

Beth, a pleasure having you onboard. Please share with my audience a little about you?

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for 26 years.  I’m a mom to two amazing teenagers. I’m a former E.C.E. and Kindergarten teacher. Currently, I’m the Ministry Health Pastor (part-time) at Sanctus Church and a certified Spiritual Life Coach in my private practice. The best part of my life is the incredible adventure of following Jesus Christ for 43 years!

This month you released The Truth About You: God’s Thoughts For You. What is it about? What is the main message? Why should we read it?

I’m thrilled to share that I have recently published a children’s book on Amazon called “The Truth About You: God’s Thoughts For You”. While it’s geared toward younger children, the book is full of “identity-shaping” truths for all ages.

Amazingly, all the words/concepts in this book come from Listening Prayer with my daughter and son when they were 4 to 10 years old.  After they would say their bedtime prayers, we would pause and listen to see what the Lord Jesus wanted to say to them in response. I recorded all the simple, profound truths that came to their child’s hearts. Two years ago, the Lord impressed upon me that He wanted other children to know these same truths, so He inspired me to create this book!

There is also a bonus section at the end for Parents/Caregivers to help their children hear from God for themselves. Children can easily hear from the Lord if they are shown how.

I know you were a pastor for prayer and now a ministry health pastor. I want to know what is prayer.

From my experience, prayer is an authentic, ongoing conversation with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. You speak with honor and transparency to God and He speaks lovingly and truthfully to you.

Your depth of knowing God depends on your choice. Let me explain – To know God the Father and the Holy Spirit intimately, you first must welcome a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God. The reason for this is that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the only thing that makes us perfect and holy again.  When we personally accept Jesus’ sacrifice and invite Him into our lives to lead us, God shifts from being outside of us to the inside of us. This internal dwelling of Jesus Christ is what can make our relationship and prayer life more profound and intimate with God. God is no longer, “the universe” or far away, we can know and experience Him profoundly within.

One final thought, to grow in your prayer life requires making it part of your everyday life. Just like exercising your body or brushing your teeth, make it an intentional holy habit. For me now at this point in my life, it’s like I never hang up the phone on God, I’m communicating with Him and He is sharing with me constantly.

Many people treat God like a genie in a bottle and buy into the prosperity gospel. What should we know about prayer? Do we really need it in our daily lives?

When I was first following Jesus, prayer was all about asking God for what I wanted and for Him to help me with my plans. Now after years of following, surrendering to Him, and becoming more like Jesus, my prayers are often, “God, what do You want? Have Your Way. Your kingdom comes, Your will be done.”

I have tried to release God of all my expectations of Him and what I thought was the way He should answer and respond to my prayers. It just led to such disappointment. Yet, what would our world be like if God were obligated to fulfill the will of every human being? That would be disastrous! Thankfully, the LORD is obligated only to His will. So now when I pray, I ask the Lord what He wants regarding situations and people, listen for His answer, and then pray it back to Him. As a result, I see incredible and specific answers to my prayers.

Let’s be honest. Prayer is not natural. Give us some practical examples of how we can get better at it. How we can make it a habit?

We all seem to make time to brush our teeth, why? Because it’s important for our health and we value our smile.

In making prayer a habit, it’s so important to first realize that prayer is incredibly valuable! For some reason, God has chosen to work with humanity to see His will fulfilled on the earth. Prayers that aren’t prayed, won’t be answered by Him. I used to think that God didn’t really need my prayers and that He was just going to do whatever He wanted anyway. However, as I got to know Him and read the Bible, I realized that although He was Sovereign overall, God still decides to use our feeble prayers to usher in His will on the earth (Matthew 7:7).

Once I realized my prayers mattered, it was motivation to make it a habit.

I recommend the following on how to get better at prayer:

Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to pray.

Be intentionally aware of God’s presence in your everyday life.

Create a prayer rhythm in your schedule. Start simple with a short prayer time once a day. As you find it beneficial, increase the length of time or frequency. For me, I have an intentional prayer time in the morning, as I get ready, where I give God all that I’m facing that day and ask for His help. Before bed, I also get on my knees and unload all the stresses of my day on Him and pray whatever else the Holy Spirit brings to mind.

Make room for spontaneous prayer in your day. As stuff comes up, have an internal conversation with Him or out loud when you’re on your own.

When you don’t know what to say to God, pray for a Bible verse that resonates with you. The Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 is helpful. Writing/journaling prayers are powerful as well.

Help me understand as a pastor what women’s empowerment means to you.

It means fair opportunity, respect, and an equal voice at the table.

The more I read about Jesus, the more I am impressed. He was always surrounded by women. He cared for the prostitute, and the menstruating woman, and talked to them. This was unheard of in His time and culture. What can we learn from this and apply it to the 21st century?

I don’t fully understand why women have always seemed to be “less than” men – not taken as seriously, marginalized, objectified, covered/hidden, silenced, or poorer. We can truly learn from Jesus who honored women and gave them a voice and significant roles to play in His life story and mission. It was an ordinary teenage girl who was chosen as His earthly mother and a former prostitute who was first given the gospel to share with others that Jesus was alive from the dead.

Jesus empowered the marginalized, those that others would overlook or even reject. He loved them, taught them, and then entrusted them with His mission of sharing the good news of His salvation. Jesus had both male and female followers who were valued and called to fulfill His vision. We’re all in this together.

You have been married for a while and are a mother. Please give my audience three practical tips on being a mother and wife.

As a wife and mother:

Ask God to help you be unselfish and give you wisdom all the time.

Communicate honestly, respectfully, and kindly – treat your husband and kids the way you want to be treated.

Let go of control. There are seasons when children are young and need you to protect them but as they grow, give them space to breathe, discover, and take risks. Don’t feel the pressure to change your husband. Leave him and your kids in the trustworthy hands of God and be free of worrying over them.

Beth, we can read our Bible, trust God, and pray all we want. However, we have to be intentional in dealing with our issues, hurt, pain, anger, resentment, and other challenges. Give me some practical examples of how we can do this.

Forgive others – truly from your heart. When you forgive, it’s not that you are agreeing that what happened to you was right, it’s choosing to let the person off your hook and leave them on God’s hook. Un-forgiveness, bitterness, and resentment take up too much emotional energy. Let it go. You’ll find it so freeing not to keep track of every wrong that has ever happened to you. You’ll have more time to think of other things and feel more positive emotions – anger and bitterness are “joy-killers.”

Forgive God and yourself. In our brokenness, we can hold unforgiveness toward God in our heart for times He let us down and allowed things to happen to us that were painful. Release God of your expectations and forgive Him, it’s just a block in your relationship to Him if you don’t. The truth is He’s perfect, He can’t do anything wrong, it’s our pain that distorts our perception. You can’t be perfect, that’s why Jesus lived a perfect life for us and died for our imperfections, that we would be made right with our perfect Creator God. Let yourself go free of unrealistic expectations and ask for Jesus’ help moving forward.

Let go of shame. It makes us hide from God and others. God made you to shine for Him! Ask Him to forgive you and He will.

Renounce lies you believed about yourself through pain and trauma – lies like I’m fat, I’m ugly, I don’t matter, I’m unworthy, What I have to say isn’t important, unlovable, I’m not good enough or I don’t measure up. Like shame, lies keep us from being all God wants us to be. DON’T HOLD BACK, SHINE!

Know the truth about God and who He really is according to Scripture and know the truth about you and how He sees you. Walking in these truths will set you free.

I know you went through a serious physical challenge a couple of years back. Walk me through how you dealt with it and came out thriving at the end of the tunnel?

When I was 27, I came to a place in my life where I wanted to experience God. I knew about Jesus but I didn’t really know Him – there’s a big difference. In desperation, I cried out to the Lord to encounter me. I wanted to know Him and He came to me. His peaceful presence overwhelmed me and as a result, I learned to love Him and His Word – the Bible. I also gained an intense desire to worship Him and put Him first and began to discern His personal thoughts for me and others.

When I was 41 years, I became very sick and started to lose weight for a whole year. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis (bowel disease) and hospitalized in September 2012. I remember when the GI specialist said, “I think I’m going to upgrade your diagnosis to Crohn’s Colitis”. This was devastating because there is no known cure for Crohn’s disease. It felt like he had dropped 2 tonnes on me and that I’d been given a life sentence.

When he left the hospital room, I immediately cried out to God and this was the memorable dialogue that ensued.

Me: “Lord Jesus, I know that what You say is the truest reality! What do You want to tell me right now? I need Your voice.”

Jesus: “HEALED!” (I was astonished!)

Me: “Do You mean the ultimate healing in death?” (I frankly felt so awful and was in so much pain, I wanted to die).

Jesus: “No.”

Me: “Then when will You heal me, God?” (I wanted His healing yesterday).

Jesus: “Soon.”

Me: “Is that according to Your sense of time or my timeline?”

I never got an answer. But from that moment onward, I clung in faith to His word HEALED even though things didn’t initially change. One important thing I remember doing was not agreeing to the doctor’s diagnosis and owning it. I never said ”I have Crohn’s” or “My disease”, instead I would say, “I’ve been diagnosed with Crohn’s Colitis”. I took God’s word to me seriously and I wasn’t going to agree to anything less than HEALED.

Long story short, listening for His voice got me through such a dark time when I was stripped of everything. I couldn’t even mother my children and had to go stay with my parents for 2 months. I was broken so profoundly but I kept hearing God say to me that He would raise me up and that was the bright light at the end of a dark tunnel. I realized that HOPE is imperative. To not have hope is deathly. His voice was so reassuring and hopeful.

Prayer also helped. So many people at my church and my family were praying for me faithfully. I prayed constantly. On multiple occasions, I was blessed to have people visit and pray over me asking God to heal me. Praying against the enemy of my soul and breaking off his legal claim to me was incredibly beneficial too.

Dealing with my emotional pain, especially fear, was healing for me. Science has proven that our emotional brain is the lining of our digestive system and with Crohn’s Colitis affecting my whole digestive system, addressing my emotional baggage was essential.

But ultimately it was God. I remember the day in July 2015, I had spent a rare 5 days in a row alone with Him.  The Holy Spirit lead me in a deep healing experience and I was remarkably set free from a lot of fears in my life and even a spirit of fear. The LORD told me that because I had let Him deal with the root cause of the illness, I could go off Imuran, my medicine. This was very risky because the drug managed the Crohn’s Colitis. But I took a leap of faith and trusted God’s voice over anyone else. That was almost 4 years ago and I’m eating everything. I gain weight and I lose it when I want. I don’t have irritable bowels. I don’t have any further symptoms.

All I can do is praise the LORD and agree with Him – HEALED!!

To sum it up, learning to discern and obey the true voice of the Father, The Son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit, eating well, exercise, dealing with emotional pain/fears, natural supplements/probiotics, medicine, healing prayer – God used all of it to restore me. 

Finally, how do you find balance and place priority in your own life with regard to food faith finance, and family?

I don’t always do this well. It’s tough. I was recently talking with someone and they didn’t like the word balance and it got me thinking. Sometimes there are seasons where you need to give more to your family, sometimes there are seasons when you need to give more to your faith and relationship with God and sometimes you need to focus more on your health.

I don’t know the answer to this, but I do know that the closer I am to God, the more the rest of my life/responsibilities are harmonized.

The post What is prayer? appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Patience is a virtue we all admire but often struggle to practice—especially when life seems to test us at every turn. Whether we’re stuck in traffic, waiting for a breakthrough, or simply navigating the everyday pressures of life, our response in those moments can reveal more about us than we realize.

On a peaceful Christmas morning, I found myself behind the wheel, thinking not just about the road ahead but about something deeper: our collective impatience. The honks, the lane changes, the silent frustrations—it’s all too familiar. But in those moments, I was reminded that patience isn’t just about waiting—it’s about how we wait.

As Helen Keller once said, “We would never learn to be brave and patient if there was only joy in the world.” What follows is a reflection on a seemingly ordinary drive, and how it became an unexpected lesson in grace, character, and choosing calm over chaos.

Christmas day

It is Christmas morning.

A beautiful day outside and the temperature is 8 degrees Centigrade. I am looking forward to a wonderful drive to my in-laws.

Therefore, as I make a right on Rossland, I notice I am driving at 70 in a 60 zone. A car behind me honks and just zips past me at around 80.

After that, I hit the 401 highway. I enter the express lane. In the collectors, the drivers drive between 100 and 110.

In the express, it is 110 in the inside lane, 120 in the middle, and around 130 in the passing lane. I personally like the middle lane as I can drive between 120 and 130.

I am barely ten minutes on the highway and a black Ford Mustang cuts me off and keeps on shifting between three lanes at around 140.

Today is Christmas. We are all heading to have a meal with friends and family. What is the rush? What is the problem with the driver? That kind of dangerous driving can cost lives.

As I reach Oakville, the traffic hits a standstill. For the next 30 minutes, I will have to drive at 20. I stay in the inner lane and the jostling between the cars begins.

Drivers are moving between the three lanes as if they have achieved something if they ahead by one car. Will it really make a difference? The result of being a car ahead is not worth it if an accident is caused.

Patience is the mother of all virtues and the godmother of madness – Carlos Ruiz Zafron

I really felt like it was madness on the highway. I was not sure if I would arrive safely at my destination.

Patience helps us in every area of our lives

Patience is good for our health. Stress and anger are not good for us.

Patience helps us maintain a positive outlook on life.

Patience helps us build character.

Patience helps us build empathy.

Patience helps us to love unconditionally and have better relationships.

I encourage you to practice patience in every area of your life.

Photo Credits: Rodion Kutsaev Juan Rojas Alexander Popov

The post Patience is the Mother of all Virtues appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.