Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Thrive by taking responsibility and becoming empowered.

I had not spoken to a cousin wh I grew up with for quite a while. We were living in different countries, and life got in the way.

We connected on WhatsApp, and over the next three days, my cousin blamed the whole world for her issues. Therefore, I gave up trying to convince my cousin to take personal responsibility.

I have mentored a lot of people in the corporate world. One of the people I was mentoring was getting fired a lot. He kept on blaming his bosses. As a result, I just asked him one question. What is the common factor? After that, I wanted to convince him that he needed to have a sense of responsibility.

I got a call from a very good friend who is getting divorced after two decades of marriage. Not once did my friend take responsibility. It was always the fault of the other spouse.

The reason I say to take responsibility for your life is that it empowers you, and you thrive, moving from a victim to a champ. As a result, you are in the driver’s seat and deal with the challenges of life.

I am focusing on embracing responsibility because it is the bedrock for success and happiness in all areas of your life. For instance, you cannot shift the blame, make excuses, find a scapegoat, or allow yourself to be blown by the wind. Thrive in every area of your life by taking responsibility.

Responsibility Quotes

The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs – Joan Didion

When you blame others, you give up your power to change – Unknown

It is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and no one else has made it – Sophocles

Stop Whining and Grumbling

I have yet to meet a person who likes hanging around people who whine and grumble about everything.  In other words, when you do that, you cannot accept the present situation and deal with it. Therefore, whining is being a victim and saying I do not have a choice. Similarly, you are focusing on things going wrong around you and not focusing on the big picture of the forest. In conclusion, if you deal with the situation, you will not whine about it. Do not ask the question of why me? How about what now? What can I learn from this situation?

I had liked a girl for more than a decade. Similarly, it was really like a Forrest Gump syndrome. She dated a few friends of mine. During Christmas 1999, she was in town and we had dinner with my parents and her parents. She finally said she wanted to date me. I was super excited. She flies back to the city where she was working and calls me at midnight and says she does not see this working out.

In 2000, I just started dating other women, met Debbie, and have been married for 24 years.

Stop Pointing Fingers

The moment you point fingers at your family, the way your parents raised you, your partner, or the economy for your situation, you are back in victim mode. Walk away and say to yourself, how did I play a part in this?

I have an undergrad in hospitality. I wanted to make a career in managing money. As I continued to work, I went back to night school, got a business degree, and did many courses that helped me make a career in trading and managing money.

Stop Making Excuses

The time is now to stop making excuses. In addition, it is stale, stuffy, and stodgy. You cannot make excuses for poor choices in life, accomplishments, and failure. This kind of behavior leads to negative thinking and negative behavior. As a result, friends, family, and acquaintances will drop you.

Learn from failure, poor choices, and try not to repeat them. If you make excuses, you will continue to go down a beaten path in your personal and professional life.  It will sap you of your energy and strength. You are also not giving yourself space to learn from your mistakes. You need to give yourself room to grow by having a sense of moral and personal responsibility

You have to think positive. Similarly, it is vital to stop the negative thoughts in your mind and focus on the positive that is happening in your life. This frees you up. If you dwell on negativity, it leads to physical symptoms that are not healthy.

The next time you speak, listen to yourself. If you are blaming others for your job, your salary, your spouse or goals, become aware of these negative patterns and work on stopping it right away. If friends, family or colleagues are offering feedback on your behavior, be open to listening to them, because they are around you.

I have to work on being positive daily. After a career in wealth management, I had to stop focusing on my MBA and other achievements. I had to sit down and write down stuff that I needed to change and embrace the new economy. I went back to the restaurant business and started this blog.

How To Take Responsibility

What is responsibility? How does one take personal responsibility? What does it mean to have a sense of responsibility?

You have to take responsibility for your reactions, actions, words from your mouth, social media exchanges, feelings, and thoughts. The life around you is created by you from the above actions. You have to realize no one is controlling you. No one can force you to react, say something, do something, or do anything. It is within your power how you respond to the environment around you.

Take Control

I am a super sensitive person. However, I am getting better and learning that not everything is about me. If someone cuts you on the highway, it is more about what is going on in their life and not mine. A hurting person is always out to hurt other people. I have to take control of how I respond to everything happening around me. I cannot control how other people respond.

Happiness

We focus on happiness and forget about joy. The world, children, friends, work, colleagues, parents, and spouse are not responsible to make you happy. It is a daily decision that comes from within and a life filled with forgiveness, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, and gratitude.

Go on a walk, connect with nature, write down what you are grateful for, spend time with loved ones, listen to music that uplifts your soul, and become creative.

Do not focus on the past or the future but the present.

There is nothing we can do about the past. We can learn from it. We do not know what tomorrow brings. So, relish the present. It is called a present or a gift for a reason. Embrace it and use it to the full extent.

Become Intentional

In life you have choices. Become intentional in having a great fulfilling career, amazing spouse, amazing health, amazing neighborhood. Become the change that is needed. Have a mission and vision statement for your life. It will come alive.

Breathe deeply

If issues come in life, take a deep breath. Calm yourself down. Look at confidence-building measures that empower you to respond positively.

Love Unconditionally

Be very careful about how you judge other people. Are you using a different measure than how you measure yourself? People are broken. Some hide it better. Do not label anyone. Give people the benefit of doubt. I have yet to meet a fully secure person. People do, say and act weird because of their insecurities.

Listen

Ask my daughter what is my biggest weakness? She will say I am a lousy listener. I love talking. I can talk for hours. I like to be a selective listener and like to respond right away. I need to understand what my daughter is saying.

Apologize

We have hurt people. Just admit it. We may have bullied people in school. We may have said some hurtful things. We may have stolen. The list goes on. Go ahead and say sorry. You are taking responsibility for your actions.

Taking responsibility for your actions also means patting yourself on the back for a great job done, getting a promotion, doing well in school, or just succeeding in life.

I talked about that taking responsibility empowers you and lets you thrive in life. You can choose to be positive or guilty. The choice is yours. The positive mindset is not reactive but proactive. Therefore, it is a sign of maturity, respect for everyone around you.

I challenge you to take responsibility for every area of your life. Accept your humanity, brokenness, imperfection, and embrace taking responsibility.

Go for a win-win situation and empower yourself to live a positive, fruitful, valuable, and satisfying life.

Write to me or comment as to how taking responsibility has changed your life.

The post Thrive by taking responsibility appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.