Agape unconditional love is selfless and sacrificial love emphasizing the well-being and benefit of others without expecting anything in return. Agape is a Greek word that appears in the New Testament of the Bible, particularly in Christian theology. Agape love is considered the highest form of love in Christianity and is often associated with the nature of God’s love.

In Christian teachings, agape love is contrasted with other types of love, such as eros (romantic love) and philia (brotherly love). While eros and philia are more focused on personal affection and mutual feelings, agape love transcends personal feelings and is directed towards the welfare and good of others, even in the absence of reciprocal emotions.

The concept of agape love is central to Christian ethics and morality, emphasizing the importance of loving one’s neighbor, showing compassion, and forgiveness, and demonstrating a selfless attitude. The idea is rooted in the teachings of Jesus Christ, who exemplified agape love through his life, teachings, and ultimately, his sacrificial death on the cross for the redemption of humanity.

Welcome to my series on unconditional love that empowers you. I will be writing on unconditional love in friendships, parenting, work, and from a Biblical perspective.

In Christianity, the concept of agape unconditional love is closely tied to the teachings of Jesus Christ. The Bible emphasizes the importance of love in various passages, with one of the most famous being the commandment given by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV) ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The idea of unconditional love is rooted in the notion that Christians are called to love God wholeheartedly and to extend that love to others, regardless of circumstances or conditions. Unconditional love involves selflessness, forgiveness, compassion, and grace. It goes beyond mere emotions and is often considered an action or a choice rather than a feeling.

The Apostle Paul, in his letters to various early Christian communities, also expounds on the significance of love. In 1 Corinthians 13, he describes love as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeping no record of wrongs. This passage is often referred to as the “love chapter” and provides a comprehensive understanding of the nature of love, emphasizing its enduring and selfless qualities.

I have been going to church my whole life in different cities and countries. From my experience, I am going to share what I have experienced and how we can practice agape unconditional love as Christians and in the Church.

I am going to talk about how to love yourself unconditionally, how to love those in your congregation, and then how to love your neighbor.

Love yourself unconditionally

Loving yourself unconditionally means accepting and embracing all aspects of who you are without judgment or criticism. It involves recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, celebrating your successes, and acknowledging your mistakes, without attaching your self-worth solely to external achievements or opinions.

Unconditional self-love goes beyond superficial aspects and acknowledges your intrinsic value as a person. It involves treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and understanding, especially during challenging times. Instead of constantly seeking external validation, individuals who love themselves unconditionally find a sense of worth from within.

This doesn’t mean ignoring personal growth or improvement; rather, it involves approaching self-improvement with a positive and nurturing mindset. It allows for acknowledging imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, without letting them define your sense of self.

Practicing self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are essential components of unconditional self-love. It’s a continuous journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, fostering a deep sense of contentment and well-being irrespective of external circumstances.

After you learn to love yourself, you have to love the church itself. Christianity is not a spectator sport. You have to get involved and not approach it as a consumer. You have to start serving others in the church with your time, skills, and resources to support and uplift the community.

Volunteer for Ministry Roles

Volunteering at a church can be a rewarding way to contribute to your community and connect with others who share similar values. Here are some steps you can take to volunteer at a church:

Identify your skills, gifts, and interests: Consider what skills and talents you have, as well as what areas of the church’s activities interest you the most. Churches often have a variety of volunteer opportunities, ranging from music and worship to community outreach, greeting, making coffee, reading, set up, administrative tasks, and more.

Attend services and events: Regular attendance at church services and events will help you become familiar with the community and the specific needs they have. It’s also a great way to meet people and express your interest in volunteering. You have to develop roots and be involved.

Reach out to church leadership: Speak to the pastor, clergy, or church leaders about your desire to volunteer. They can provide information on current volunteer opportunities, ongoing projects, and specific needs within the community.

Check bulletin boards or websites: Many churches have bulletin boards or websites where they post information about volunteer opportunities. This can be a great way to find out about specific needs and events.

Join small groups or committees: Many churches have small groups or committees focused on various aspects of church life, such as music, outreach, education, or social justice. Joining one of these groups can be an excellent way to get involved and contribute to the community. This provides an opportunity for deeper relationships and mutual support within the church community.

Attend volunteer orientation: Some churches may have orientation sessions or training for new volunteers. Attending these sessions can provide you with more information about the church’s mission, values, and specific volunteer roles.

Start small: If you’re unsure about where to start, consider volunteering for a small task or event to get a feel for the community and its needs. This can be a stepping stone to more significant involvement.

Help with Outreach Programs: Get involved in outreach programs that serve the local community. This could include organizing food drives, clothing donations, or participating in community service projects.

Prayer Ministry: Participate in or lead prayer groups within the church. This can involve praying for specific needs within the congregation, the community, or global concerns.

Mentorship and Discipleship: Offer mentorship or discipleship to newer members of the church, helping them grow in their faith and understanding of the church community.

Hospital and Home Visits: Visit those who are sick, elderly, or unable to attend church. Providing companionship, prayer, and practical assistance can be a meaningful way to serve.

Financial Support: Contribute financially to the church, supporting its various ministries and outreach efforts. Regular giving helps sustain the church’s mission and activities.

Encouragement and Support: Be intentional about encouraging and supporting fellow church members. Simple acts of kindness, such as sending a note or offering a helping hand, can make a significant impact.

Be consistent and reliable: Once you start volunteering, strive to be consistent and reliable in your commitments. This will help you build trust within the community and make a more meaningful contribution.

Remember that each church community is unique, so the process may vary. The key is to express your interest, be open to opportunities, and find a way to contribute that aligns with your skills and passions.

From a leadership perspective to create a culture of agape unconditional love, the following points should be noted and created in the DNA of the church.

Emphasize Inclusivity

Ensure that the church community is welcoming and inclusive. Create an atmosphere where people feel accepted and valued, regardless of their differences.

Open Communication

Encourage open and honest communication. Provide opportunities for individuals to express their thoughts, concerns, and experiences without fear of judgment.

Empathy and Compassion

Foster a culture of empathy and compassion. Encourage members to understand and share in the joys and struggles of others, demonstrating a genuine concern for their well-being.

Forgiveness

Promote forgiveness as a central tenet. Encourage members to forgive and seek reconciliation, emphasizing the transformative power of forgiveness in fostering a culture of love.

Service and Outreach

Engage in acts of service and outreach to the wider community. Demonstrating love through actions, such as volunteering, supporting those in need, and participating in community projects, can strengthen the bonds of unconditional love within the church.

Biblical Teaching

Emphasize teachings from the Bible that focus on love, acceptance, and compassion. Share passages that highlight the importance of treating others with kindness and understanding.

Small Group Support

Establish small groups within the church where individuals can connect on a more personal level. This provides a space for deeper relationships, mutual support, and a sense of belonging.

Educational Programs

Offer programs that promote understanding and tolerance. This can include seminars, workshops, or study groups that address issues related to diversity, inclusion, and unconditional love.

Model agape Unconditional Love

Church leaders and members should strive to model unconditional love in their own lives. By practicing what is preached, leaders set an example for the rest of the congregation.

Celebrate Diversity

Acknowledge and celebrate the diversity within the church community. Recognize the unique gifts, talents, and perspectives that each member brings, fostering an appreciation for differences.

Conflict Resolution

Establish effective mechanisms for resolving conflicts within the church. Encourage a spirit of reconciliation and provide resources for individuals to navigate disagreements lovingly and constructively.

By actively incorporating these practices into the church culture, individuals can work together to create a community that reflects the principles of unconditional love as espoused by Christian teachings.

The post Agape Unconditional Love appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Empowered unconditional love refers to a type of love that is not based upon specific conditions or qualities, leaving you stronger and more confident in controlling your life. Empowered unconditional love is a selfless and all-encompassing form of love that is not dependent on the recipient meeting certain expectations or criteria. Empowered unconditional love in relationships implies accepting and caring for someone regardless of their flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

Welcome to my series on unconditional love that empowers you. I will be writing on unconditional love in friendships, parenting, work, and from a Biblical perspective.

Loving unconditionally can be a powerful source of personal empowerment. When you practice unconditional love, it contributes to your empowerment:

Fortifies your emotional well-being

Empower unconditional love to fortify your emotional well-being as it fosters positive emotions and reduces negative ones. When you love without expecting anything in return, you free yourself from the disappointments and frustrations associated with unmet expectations.

Increases your resilience

Unconditional love allows you to accept and embrace imperfections, both in yourself and others. This mindset fosters resilience, as you become more adaptable and less affected by setbacks or challenges.

Promotes better relationships

Loving unconditionally promotes healthier relationships. When you accept others as they are, without judgment or the need to change them, it creates an environment of trust and understanding. This, in turn, strengthens your connections with others.

Boosts personal growth

Unconditional love involves continuous self-reflection and personal growth. It requires you to examine your own biases, prejudices, and insecurities, leading to a deeper understanding of yourself and others.

cultivates inner peace

By letting go of expectations and attachments, you cultivate inner peace. Unconditional love encourages a sense of tranquility because your emotional state is not dependent on external factors or others meeting specific conditions.

Makes you empathetic and compassionate

Unconditional love involves empathy and compassion. As you develop these qualities, you become more attuned to the needs and feelings of others. This heightened awareness not only strengthens your relationships but also contributes to your sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Freedom from Judgment:

Loving unconditionally means refraining from passing judgment on others. This freedom from judgment allows you to appreciate diversity and recognize the unique qualities that make each person special.

Altruistic Satisfaction:

Acts of unconditional love often involve giving and helping others without expecting anything in return. This altruistic mindset can bring a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose, contributing to your overall well-being.

Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills:

When faced with challenges, those who practice unconditional love are often better equipped to find constructive solutions. They approach problems with a positive mindset and are more likely to seek resolutions that benefit everyone involved.

Authenticity and Self-Expression:

Embracing unconditional love encourages authenticity. As you express your true self without fear of judgment, you empower yourself to live a more genuine and fulfilling life.

To become empowered by loving unconditionally, it’s essential to cultivate these qualities intentionally. This process may involve self-reflection, mindfulness practices, and a commitment to personal growth. By incorporating unconditional love into your daily life, you can experience a profound transformation in your overall well-being and empowerment.

While the idea of unconditional love is often considered noble and idealistic, its practical application can vary. In reality, most relationships involve some level of conditions and boundaries. It’s important to strike a balance between being supportive and understanding while also maintaining healthy boundaries for oneself.

Realism and Boundaries: While it’s admirable to strive for unconditional love, it’s also important to be realistic about human limitations. Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining one’s well-being.

Self-Care: Unconditional love should not come at the expense of one’s well-being. It’s crucial to prioritize self-care and ensure that the relationship is mutually beneficial.

Communication: Clear and open communication is key in any relationship. Expressing needs, expectations, and concerns can help avoid misunderstandings and foster a healthier connection.

Acceptance: Unconditional love involves accepting a person for who they are, but it doesn’t mean accepting harmful or abusive behavior. It’s important to distinguish between accepting someone’s flaws and tolerating actions that are detrimental to the relationship.

Healthy Relationships: Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, trust, and communication. While unconditional love is a beautiful concept, it’s essential to cultivate a relationship that is based on mutual understanding and support.

Unconditional love is often viewed positively, it’s important to approach it with a realistic mindset. Balancing love and setting healthy boundaries is crucial for the well-being of both individuals in a relationship and it leaves you empowered.

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Humility is a personal quality or characteristic that involves having a modest view of oneself, acknowledging one’s limitations, and recognizing the value and contributions of others. It is the opposite of arrogance, pride, and hubris.

I received a lunch invite by email recently. I was excited as I had not seen this friend for more than two decades. She had moved to South America and got married and had kids. She had moved back to a city close to me. I got another email from her. One of her friends had an issue that I was coming.

We were all part of a group more than 25 years ago. The friend had an issue with me coming because many years ago she complained about being single. I asked her if she was single in high school, and she said yes. I asked her if she was single at university, and she said yes. I told her that she was the common factor among all the surroundings and to take responsibility for where she was at. This single friend blamed her upbringing and blamed the men in the group for not being good enough.

Your workplace, family, friend circle, and your hood are full of arrogant people. They think they are better, more talented, more educated, smarter, more spiritual, go to the right church with the right doctrine and they have it together.

How do you define a humble person?

A humble person tends to have a realistic understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses. They do not feel the need to constantly assert their superiority or seek attention and praise from others. Instead, they are able to appreciate and respect the abilities, accomplishments, and perspectives of others.

Humility often involves an openness to learning, as humble individuals are willing to admit their mistakes and are receptive to feedback and new ideas. They are not afraid to ask for help or admit when they don’t know something. This willingness to learn and grow contributes to personal and intellectual development.

In addition to how one views themselves, humility also extends to how one treats and interacts with others. Humble individuals tend to be considerate, compassionate, and empathetic. They listen attentively to others, value their opinions, and are not dismissive or condescending.

Practicing humility can foster positive relationships, enhance personal growth, and create a more harmonious and collaborative environment. It is often associated with traits like kindness, patience, and selflessness.

It’s important to note that humility should not be confused with low self-esteem or self-deprecation. Humility is about having a balanced perspective of oneself and others, recognizing one’s strengths without arrogance, and acknowledging one’s weaknesses without self-deprecation.

Humility is important in life for several reasons

Humility helps us connect with others on a deeper level. When we approach interactions with humility, we show respect, listen attentively, and consider the perspectives and feelings of others. This fosters trust, understanding, and cooperation, leading to stronger and more meaningful relationships.

Humility opens our minds to new knowledge, experiences, and ideas. It recognizes that we don’t have all the answers and that there is always more to learn. By embracing humility, we become more receptive to feedback, willing to admit our mistakes, and eager to improve ourselves. This mindset promotes personal and professional growth.

Humility allows us to see ourselves more accurately, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses without arrogance or false modesty. It enables us to identify areas where we can improve, seek help when needed, and make better decisions based on a realistic assessment of our abilities. Self-awareness nurtured through humility helps us lead more authentic and fulfilling lives.

In times of conflict or disagreement, humility allows us to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. By humbly considering the perspectives of others, we create an atmosphere that encourages open dialogue, compromise, and collaboration. Humility helps us set aside ego-driven responses and work towards finding mutually beneficial solutions.

Humility is often seen as a positive trait that inspires and influences those around us. When we demonstrate humility, we create an environment that encourages others to do the same. By acknowledging the contributions of others, sharing credit, and showing appreciation, we foster a culture of teamwork, motivation, and support.

Humility helps us navigate challenges and setbacks with grace and resilience. When we embrace humility, we are better equipped to accept failures as learning opportunities and bounce back from adversity. It allows us to remain grounded, adaptable and focused on finding solutions rather than dwelling on our own ego or pride.

Humility is a crucial trait of effective leaders. Humble leaders prioritize the needs and contributions of their team members, creating a positive work environment. They are approachable, open to diverse viewpoints, and capable of admitting mistakes. Such leaders inspire and motivate others, fostering collaboration and high-performance teams.

Humble individuals are more likely to make better decisions. They consider multiple perspectives and seek input from others before reaching conclusions. By being humble, you can avoid arrogance, rash judgments, and biases that can hinder effective decision-making.

Humility is associated with greater emotional well-being. By recognizing your own strengths and weaknesses without excessive pride, you develop a more realistic self-image. Humble individuals tend to have lower levels of stress, exhibit higher levels of contentment, and experience deeper satisfaction in their achievements.

Humility earns respect from others. When you demonstrate humility, people are more inclined to value your opinions, trust your judgment, and seek your advice. By being humble, you can exert a positive influence on those around you, leading to fruitful collaborations and partnerships.

Humility promotes effective conflict resolution. It allows you to approach disagreements with a willingness to understand the other person’s perspective and find common ground. By practicing humility, you can defuse conflicts, maintain positive relationships, and foster a culture of cooperation.

Humility helps cultivate gratitude and appreciation for the contributions of others. You recognize that success is often a result of collective efforts, and you acknowledge and express gratitude for the support and assistance you receive. This mindset promotes a sense of interconnectedness and enhances your overall well-being.

Overall, humility plays a vital role in promoting positive relationships, personal growth, self-awareness, collaboration, and resilience. It allows us to approach life with an open mind, treat others with respect, and continually strive for self-improvement.

A humble person has the following traits

Self-awareness: Humble individuals have a clear understanding of their strengths and weaknesses. They acknowledge their limitations and are open to learning from others.

Modesty: Humble people do not boast or seek attention for their achievements. They downplay their accomplishments and give credit to others when it is due.

Open-mindedness: Humility fosters an open mind, allowing individuals to consider different perspectives and ideas. They are willing to listen to others and are not rigid in their beliefs.

Empathy: Humble individuals have a genuine concern for others. They are sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around them and demonstrate compassion and understanding.

Gratitude: Humble people express gratitude for the opportunities, blessings, and contributions of others. They appreciate the help they receive and acknowledge the value of teamwork and collaboration.

Teachability: Humble individuals have a thirst for knowledge and continuous improvement. They are receptive to feedback and constructive criticism, recognizing that there is always room to grow and learn.

Humble Confidence: True humility does not mean lacking self-confidence. Humble individuals have confidence in their abilities but do not feel the need to prove themselves or seek validation from others.

Service-oriented: Humble people often prioritize serving others before themselves. They are willing to lend a helping hand, contribute to the greater good, and put the needs of others before their own.

Non-judgmental: Humble individuals refrain from quick judgments or harsh criticism of others. They understand that everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and they approach others with kindness and understanding.

Approachability: Humble people are generally approachable and easy to communicate with. They create an environment where others feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, ideas, and concerns without fear of judgment.

Humility is a lifelong journey and a virtue that requires continual practice and self-reflection.

What factors hinder us from being humble

The ego can hinder us from being humble.

The post Real Meaning of Humility appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Emotional wounds are not the same as physical wounds.

My body is scarred with physical wounds. I played squash for 15 years. Every muscle, ligament, and bone was torn or sprained at some point. The family doctor and the physiotherapist told me to give it up and focus on swimming and walking. I have cuts, bruises, and gashes all over my body from years of being a boxer, playing soccer, and playing pranks. All the physical wounds have healed.

Emotional wounds, on the other hand, are a whole different story.

Emotional wounds can result from watching a crime, bankruptcy, unwanted pregnancy, divorce, car accident, emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical abuse, death of a loved one, or any traumatic situation.  The symptoms are a change in personality, lack of joy, lack of interest in life, loneliness, anger, resentment, bitterness, depression, and anxiety.

You have to become intentional in healing these wounds by assessing them, cleaning them, stitching them, bandaging them and taking care of them, and being aware of trigger points.

I am super excited to present Lesa Henderson to my readers.

Lesa Henderson is a dynamic, candid, inspirational speaker, minister, author, and filmmaker.

Her transparency and straightforward approach coupled with prophetic insight place her in great demand for conferences and churches.

Her passion for Christ and desire to see wounded women restored and healed through the power and love of God comes across in her books, blogs, sermons, and teaching. It has also led her to minister healing for soul wounds & emotional trauma of women in prison, as well as to lead Women Warriors of God Conferences around the nation; where she and the Warrior’s team are seeing countless women set free both physically and emotionally.

Lesa and her husband, Ken are revivalists who pastor Salt Life Church on Merritt Island, FL, where they also lead Cornerstone Global Ministries & Media and are the founders of Cornerstone School of Supernatural Ministry.

Lesa, a pleasure to have you. There is so much I want to ask you. Let’s start by talking about Christmas. I am a big fan of focusing on His Presence rather than presents. How is Christmas relevant to us in the 21st Century? 

I’m a big fan of focusing on that as well.  We live in such a commercialized, material world that it’s easy to lose that focus and get caught up in the shopping, spending madness.  This year we are celebrating Hannukah as well as Christmas, each night we light a candle we focus on inviting Christ – the light of the world to be a light in our home and lives.   Whatever you celebrate, it’s relevant when you make the focus be on Christ.  Especially now in this economy and the times we are living in.  It’s actually more relevant than ever I believe as we approach His soon return.

The world is hurting. COVID 19 has exacerbated the situation. You talk about giving your hurts, pains, and brokenness to God. Walk me through this process? Should I just read my Bible, trust God and pray about it? 

Yes.  It is that simple.  And yet as simple as this is – we struggle doing it.  Or at least I do.  It’s much easier for me to worry, fret and lose sleep over the hurts and pains.   But God really does want us to bring them to Him.  And reading the Word is one of the key steps in the process for me.  It reminds me of the truth – His Word is truth.  It helps me to overcome the fear and lies I am believing.  It reminds me of His faithfulness.  In my prayer time, I’m very honest with God – He knows anyway, so for example I may say, “Father I’m feeling right now like you don’t hear me or care about ________,  but I know that’s not true.  Your word says ______, Help me to stand on that and trust you.  Help my unbelief and rest in your promise and faithfulness.”  I may have to do this repetitively until I find peace or the problem is solved.

As I get older, I am learning to embrace pain, suffering, and disappointment. It is hard but important. As I read your blog and book, listen to your sermons and teaching, your DNA is all about helping wounded women through the love of God. Where do the wounds come from and how does His love restore women?

Wounds come from many areas, childhood traumas, broken relationships, marriage, even church.  But what I’ve found through ministering to thousands of women is that almost all wounds begin in our childhood.  The enemy starts early with his attack on us and he knows if he can plant lies in our mind about who we are (our identity) or about what we believe about our heavenly father we will carry those lies with us into relationships and they will hinder our walk with God.  But the Love of God is so powerful.  When we have a full revelation of the Father’s love for us, of how much He really is a good, good father it changes us.  It heals us.  I do a teaching on how daddy wounds from our childhood affect our relationship with God and the ability to believe how deeply He loves us and accept that love.

Give my female audience practical tips on motherhood and being a wife?

First, know or learn your worth as a daughter of the king. This will translate to how you treat your children and husband and how you expect to be treated.  Keep your relationship with God first, your husband next, and then your children.  Give yourself grace. You’re not perfect and you’re not going to be. When you make mistakes with your children ( and you will) admit it to them and ask their forgiveness.  This will not make you look small in their eyes – the contrary is true.  Honor your husband.  Honor and respect are very important to men.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  Time spent with your husband and kids is far more important than the things you buy them or how clean your house is. I could go on and on…not from a seat of expertise but from one of failures and wisdom gained.

My daughter will be turning 18 very soon. She comes to you for dating advice. Help me understand what you will tell her and why? And please include dating advice for women in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?

I would tell your daughter something I said earlier, “Know or discover your worth as a daughter of the King.  Don’t date anyone who doesn’t also see that and treat you accordingly.”  Don’t go looking for a date but let God bring Him to you.   And here’s something I recommend to all women dating – get inner healing (healing for soul wounds or childhood trauma).  This will help you make better decisions on who to date and will help prevent you from dating or marrying the same mistake in different skin over and over again.  Let the Holy Spirit lead you.

You were the producer, executive producer, and director of Hope Has A Name. What is it about? Why should we watch it? And please give my audience hope for 2022?

Hope Has A Name is an award-winning documentary about women around the world bringing extraordinary hope in unlikely places.  They are hidden heroes, not doing what they do not for a platform or platitudes but simply to bring hope to the hopeless through the love of God.  There are some pretty amazing women including Heidi Baker featured in the film.  And we are honored to have the endorsement of Lisa Bevere. Watch it and it will encourage you to stop making excuses and do something! It’s available on Amazon Prime and Tubi and many other outlets.

The Hope for 2022 is Jesus.  His name is the hope of the nations.  Jesus Is King.  He is still on the throne and heaven has not been taken over by Hell.  Our trust and confidence must remain in Him.  No matter what is yet to come, He will take us through. He is a sure foundation.

Help me understand the premise of your book Someone To Trust. Is there really such a thing as romance? Or it was created in the liberal halls of Hollywood with unrealistic expectations?

Someone To Trust is a Christian Contemporary romance based around finding love and forgiveness after betrayal.  The Heroine, Megan has been betrayed twice in her life, by the men she loved.  She has been presented the opportunity to love again, but she first has to get past her mistrust of men, find forgiveness for them and herself.  And,  most importantly accept the love and grace of her Heavenly father offers.  Someone To Trust is now available both in print and Kindle Unlimited.

I want to ask you about how do you balance being an author, filmmaker, wife, mother, speaking at conferences, and taking care of the women in your congregation?

Hah!  Good question,  when I figure that out, I’ll get back to you.  Just kidding, sort of.  It’s often a juggling event and I often end up dropping the ball.  I have to really pray and seek guidance as to what my focus needs to be on the most in the season.  It is also about stopping for the one.  The one in front of you, I try to practice that.  This enables me to help the women in my congregation who are needing my attention.   Two things that help me balance is keeping my relationship and personal time with God a priority!  If that is comprised, everything else is and I’m a mess.  The second is keeping my family a priority above all the other endeavors.  His grace is truly sufficient and I find His strength really is made perfect in my weakness.

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What is the meaning of life?

In the first part of the interview, Mayple talks about women’s empowerment and leading an authentic and transparent life. In the second part, we discuss faith, obedience, gratitude, and embracing suffering.

I have known Mayple Dorrington since I started my career at Scotia Bank. Mayple was Director, Communications and Change Management at Scotia Bank.  Mayple recently wrote a book called Finding: The Oasis in my Soul. It is a journal, an encouraging journey through the spectrum of real-life experiences of trials and triumphs. As you read her book, you can relate to it. You will see a reflection of your own experiences. The book asks some relevant questions about having an empty void within us, do we have doubts about our gifts, weaknesses,  our purpose, and identity?

I am a big fan of gratitude and this book challenges my thinking to transform my mind and to get a deeper conviction of love and purpose in my life. If you are struggling with insecurity, fear, uncertainty, or anxiety, get the book, become empowered, lead an authentic life, and transform yourself for what you are intended to be.

I want you to explain a little bit more about faith, obedience, gratitude, love, peace, and hope that you talk about in the book?

Jerry, these powerful words are core to the Christian life. While each conveys specific meaning, for me they are all integral and interconnected in my Christian eco-system. God first loves me, knowing this and responding from a place of gratitude, my love flows by showing my obedience to his word and commands. It is walking with God as the object of my faith that I develop hope and experience His peace. In other words, the centrality of all these qualities emanates from the Spirit of God, expressed through His amazing love for me and all His people.

To illustrate my point, I shared a detailed account in my book of a time in my career when I wanted and was denied a specific job position. I was miserable and resentful in the beginning, but once I surrendered and embraced God’s alternate direction, I honed the expertise, experienced the passion and the success He planned for me. It was years after that it became clear to me that had I gone in my preferred direction, it would have led to my occupational demise. These types of events occurred multiple times throughout my life’s journey. When I choose my way, it may or may not be the best outcome, but why would I live in that space of uncertainty knowing that, when I sincerely commit the direction to God and led by His spirit, I always win.  Hope keeps me vibrant, expectant and alive, with the joy set before me of God’s unpredictable outcomes. Obedience is important.

Give my audience some advice on how to draw power and strength from God’s amazing love?  

Jerry this can be deemed the simple Nike slogan, “just do it” type of advice, but it is very difficult to put in practice. There is no set template, but this works for me and based on feedback, has helped countless people who I mentored over the years.

When we can look outward for inspiration and at the same time balance this holistic inflow with tapping into our inner core, what really makes us feel alive, our passion, which is our spiritual gifts, only then can we employ the right tactics to create visions, set boundaries, fashion guardrails, make everyday decisions to embrace opportunities and navigate landmines when they present themselves. It’s called our Personal navigation road map.  This map allows me to see from a holistic vantage point endless possibilities more clearly. It helps me tailor my approach when to speed up, slow down, detour, or abort direction. This approach sends out positive and measured vibes in the universe that usually return to guide me. What we sow we reap, what goes around comes around, Karma happens!

Once the roadmap or playbook is established, commit this to ongoing prayers.  It’s about staying focused but remaining flexible because we must know where we are heading to be able to make appropriate detours, otherwise, we are reactive drifters.  As a consummate planner, it would appear that planning and living in the moment is a paradox! However, it’s only when we plan that we can effectively live in the present.  Change is too rapid to remain in a state of indecisiveness, so we must be ready and poised to pivot on our feet, because managing change in a responsible manner, is not only a skill but is now a survival tactic. My natural tendency as a lifetime banker is to be structured, relying mostly on proven, evidence-based outcomes. These naturally lead me to rely on trends, patterns, formulae, traditions and so forth. Over time, with spiritual clarity, I realized these pieces of evidence are very useful, but at times can get twisted, even present artificial barriers and create limitations, particularly in a rapidly evolving world of constant change.  I now take risks, learn from mistakes, bounce back quickly, keep growing and moving forward. Agility matters!

Being confident that God’s plan is to prosper and not to harm us, we can depend on God’s direction along the journey without fear or condemnation. Guided with the right cocktail of confidence, humility, and courage, our hope should be rooted in God’s strength despite the outcome of our plans.  Sometimes the results will be as planned, other times denied or delayed, but we must learn the discipline to rely on God’s spiritual compass and stay the course.  For me, it’s comforting talking with God as a friend, communing daily, intermittently and feeling his loving responses in my everyday activities. Seeing how He directs my path, often evident in hindsight, has always left me in awesome wonder. It is because of God’s unconditional love that I have victory in executing a plan in alignment with His will.  For this to happen I must place trust into our relationship characterized by obedience and dependence, via consistent prayers in praise, thanksgiving, confession, wrestling for responses to unexplainable questions, events, and requests, but always doing so with reverence and in awe.

As I get older I realize decisions, dealing with issues, being intentional, accepting suffering and forgiving are part of a holistic approach to life. Please comment? 

Jerry, I often ask myself and others, If each of us were to do a Character DNA test, what would the profile be?  Would our great traits include resilience, perseverance, empathy, tolerance, courage, and compassion? If so, we have the characteristics of someone who has weathered hardships.  You see, to stretch our faith muscles, we need trials because suffering often produces the discipline to troubleshoot, to handle stressful situations, being thankful rather than bitter, as we turn trials into victories.  This constitutes a class of people who are intentional in taking ownership of their lives. We look at the big picture, rely on routines when necessary, but receptive to alternatives, have positive self-talk, self-compassion and make forgiveness a decision.  We bear with each other with the realization that our actions are not about being right, but about being righteous and life’s journey is not about perfection, but about progress.

Yes, often with age comes growth, maturity and prayerfully wisdom, but in today’s environment, even the youths must learn at an early age to strive towards living purposeful and fulfilling lives.  With technology, our global space is shrinking and everything is more about immediacy as we are constantly feeling the increasing pressure to keep pace with worldly standards, demands and expectations. Despite this tsunami of options, we must make our own choices, knowing life is not a one size fits all. What I believe is common to all of us is that, to navigate and survive this diverse and interconnected world, is to customize our vision board, remain centered, be self-aware, reserve judgment. We must learn to extend love to all, living in harmony with people and the environment, while entrusting our lives to God’s perfect plan.

The post Faith, Obedience and Suffering appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. – Dalai Lama XIV

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. – Benjamin Franklin

Introduction

Philosophers, scientists, and intellectuals have agonized over the years as to what happiness is. On a personal basis, happiness is not being high all the time or feeling ecstatic, being rich, or sitting on a yacht in Cannes.

When my daughter was young, we would go on long drives, and every few minutes she would ask, “Are we there yet?” Happiness is not the final destination.

In my opinion, happiness is being satisfied with where you are in life.

The pursuit of happiness is a goal for a lot of people. From my perspective and life experiences, here are some secrets to achieving happiness and contentment in life.

Never compare yourself to anyone

Our five fingers are not the same. Each snowflake is individual and unique. Every human being is unique and rare. All human beings have strengths, weaknesses, and gifts. Therefore, it is no use comparing your status, wealth, titles, education, or achievements. Each individual has their own story and challenges. Life does not flow the way we want.

Accept life is unfair

The sun shines on everyone. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. That is life. Never fight it. Above all, we are all on this boat called life. On the sea, there will be good days; there will be weeks of high waves rocking you and there could be a hurricane. Life throws all kinds of things at you which can seem unfair at times, for instance.

Practice gratitude daily

I went to a private British boarding school then went to university in Switzerland and now live in Canada. The truth is until I met Debbie I did not know how to spell gratitude. Gratitude is a choice. A person who is grateful appreciates that there is value in something which is extrinsic, cannot put a monetary value to it, and is free. Over the last ten years, I start my day by being grateful to be alive, in good health, Debbie, Jean, my parents, amazing friends, and a great life. In other words, it has changed me and I am not the same person that I was a decade ago.

Forgive daily

This is my biggest weakness. However, if you want to be in any form of a relationship as a father, husband, son, friend, or mentor, you have to forgive. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It is about setting boundaries. We cannot have resentments or want compensation for the loss or hurt caused by others. Forgiveness is not letting people take advantage of you, ignoring the offense, or condoning it. This is a work in progress for me. I have not mastered forgiveness completely.

It is critical to living our lives in love, peace, being patient, kind, gentle, and having compassion. I am by nature impatient. I have a long way to go in being compassionate.

Volunteer and give to charity

Research has shown that giving to charity and volunteering activates the pleasure centers in the brain. When we volunteer our time to an organization it makes us realize how lucky we are. I remember volunteering in the Out of the Cold Program. It really made me realize how lucky I was to have a roof over my head. When I give to charity, it makes me realize, I am making a difference. It gives meaning to my life. Try it. You never know if happiness awaits you.

Do not have unrealistic expectations

If you want to destroy your relationship with your parents, brother, sister, wife, children, and co-workers then you can do it by having unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations are unhealthy because it sets others and us for failure. It is assuming a level of control that we do not have in a situation.

I am a recovering perfectionist. Over the last five years, this is something I have grown the most. It has allowed me to be free. I am less demanding, less judgmental, more empathetic, and loving.

Deal with issues in life

I am a big believer in living a balanced life. The physical, mental, emotional, financial, and psychological self must all be in harmony. We must accept our brokenness. We must be humble and realize we are no better. We all have issues we need to deal with. It could be our ego, insecurities, anger, impatience, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and other issues. We need to face them and deal with them. The more I understand my own brokenness and am in touch with it on a daily basis; it makes me a better human being.

Connect with your family and friends often

Humans are meant to connect. We are meant for relationships. We thrive when we are in healthy relationships. Research has shown that those people who have supportive friends and family tend to be less anxious and depressed.

Over the last 18 months, I have lost four close friends. It has been tough and challenging. However, it is my ecosystem of relationships that have sustained me through this tough time.

Focus on goals

It is important to have goals in every area of your life. Every year I write down my goals. It could be a simple thing like I need to read more books. Goals keep us focused.

Try new things and pursue your passion

Before I met Debbie, I had never gone on an all-inclusive. I just never saw myself as just lying on the beach. I have gone on more than ten beach vacations all over the Caribbean. It has opened up my mind. I have also decided to pursue my passion for becoming a writer. It excites me. I have all these topics that I want to write about. I am focused and passionate about making this a full-time job.

It is important to understand that happiness should not be the goal. It is the byproduct of my doing all the things on a consistent basis. There are times when I have failed miserably. There are times; I have wanted to give up. But I just bounce back the next day.

Good luck and write back to me as to how some of these points have helped you to achieve contentment and happiness in your life.

The post 10 Secrets to Happiness appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Resilience is how well people deal with and bounce back from the challenges of life. Resilience is the process of adjusting positively as you face challenges, tragedy, adversity, threats, and major sources of stress like job loss, divorce, financial issues, health problems, workplace discrimination, or the current COVID crisis. Resilience is not only about bouncing back, but also about learning and growing from the experience. The challenges are difficult and painful, but one needs to be aware of what they can control. Resilience helps you walk through the challenging times in your life and empowers you.

Resilience does not mean you will not face challenges in your life. The truth is that some of the most resilient people have faced and gone through the most challenging things a person can face. Resilience can be learned and involves developing actions, behaviors, and thoughts that help you bounce back from traumatic events in your life.

The Three  Aspects of Resilience

Susan Kobasa, a leading psychologist, talks about the three aspects of resilience. The first is the challenge. When you are facing difficulties in your life, you have to see it as a challenge and not as an event that will paralyze you. The difficulty has to be viewed as an opportunity to learn and grow, and not negatively. The second is that you have to be committed to your goals, values, ethos, friendships, relationships, and beliefs, and find a reason to get up in the morning. The third part is to focus on what you can control. When you focus on what you can control and let go, you feel confident and empowered. If you focus on what you cannot control, it will make you feel powerless.

Where is My GPS?

Life on planet Earth does not come with a GPS. However, the challenges and the traumatic events of life on Earth can impact us negatively. These events bring up a variety of feelings, emotions, thoughts, and uncertainty. Debbie has been battling cancer for six months. Last week I got a text that someone I have known my whole life committed suicide. I have been asked a lot about how I manage to stay resilient. Here are my eleven secrets to staying resilient. I have included quotes from strong women who have been resilient in their lives.

Find a purpose and a deeper meaning

Grief and resilience live together – Michelle Obama, Becoming

One of my best friends committed suicide two years after high school. In the last few years, I have lost one of my closest friends from university and another from the business world. Last week, someone from my youth group committed suicide. As we come across a tragedy or a crisis in our personal lives we have to find a sense of purpose. I started a blog, got more involved in volunteering, more introspective, and started aligning all my activities with my goals and values.

As Debbie fights cancer, I am learning to become more compassionate, understanding, kind, and gentle.

Be Positive about your capabilities

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it – Maya Angelo

When Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, my daughter was handling it the best. She was just confident. I learned from her that we have to be confident about our capabilities on how to handle this event in our family. I had to focus on what we call a SWOT analysis in the business world. However, I had to focus on my strengths and keep the positive tape in my brain going.

Friendships are important

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance – Lee Ann Womack, I Hope You Dance

I would not have made it through the present crisis without close friends. I continue to stay connected with friends and cousins to share my feelings about what I am going through. This support does wonders for our emotional, physical, spiritual, mental, and psychological health.

It is important to also connect with people who are understanding, gentle, compassionate, empathetic, and who validate what you are going through. I have spoken to many people whose spouses have gone through cancer. It helps what you are feeling is natural. Sometimes there is a natural tendency to isolate ourselves. It is important to connect with people.

The only constant in life is change

Resilience isn’t a single skill. It’s a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To bounce back from bumps in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive – Jean Chatzky

When I was doing my MBA and as we studied about companies that survived and those that perished the only difference was the survivors adapted to change. We have to constantly adapt to our surroundings. Stick to your values and core concepts but we have to adapt. Those that are flexible and embrace the changes thrive in the long run. I had to adapt my lifestyle and my attitude about being a spouse of a cancer patient.

Be Confident 

Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient – Catherine DeVrye, The Gift of Nature

When we are going through challenging times, it is tough to be confident in the tunnel. However, you have to cling to hope and focus on staying positive. Positive thinking does not mean you ignore the problem or the challenges you are facing. It means that the stumbling blocks are temporary and we need to focus on our capabilities to handle the challenge. I am confident that after chemo and radiation Debbie will make it through the end of November.

Self-care

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow – Mary Anne Radmacher

Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. You need to eat healthy food, get sleep, rest, build new skills, and even seek counseling.

Focus on solutions, not problems

The world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it – Helen Keller

No matter what we are going through, focus on solutions. Do not ask why me but what now. There are times when there is no solution. However, you have to try to take baby steps to make your situation less stressful.

Join a group

She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails – Elizabeth Edwards

I have spoken to many men whose spouses have gone through cancer. When you talk to other people who have gone through similar circumstances it helps you. Join a group of people who are going through similar issues. Talk about it and get together. It will do miracles for you. It is good to talk and get things out. If you keep it inside, you end with a lot of psycho-somatic issues. 

Practice mindfulness

Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life – J.K. Rowling

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. I personally find breathing very helpful.

Focus on one goal

The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance – Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

As Debbie goes through cancer, we just take it one day at a time. There is a tendency to focus on the end and how it will all look once chemo and radiation are done.

Ask for help

Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good – Elizabeth Edwards

I am bad at asking for help. My wife is even worse. However, I was challenged to ask for help. As I asked for help, I have a meal train for us and people driving Debbie for her chemo and other appointments.

The key takeaway from this post is that whenever you are going through a challenging time, in order to be resilient:

Do not listen to the news, it is all negative, look to other sources for empowerment and inspiration

It is ok to cry and express what you are going through

Go for a walk and connect with nature

Focus on your strengths and be confident

Have a real, deep and vulnerable conversation with a close friend or family member

Talk to someone who has gone through or going through similar challenges like you

Pray, meditate and connect with a higher power

Write what you are going through and feeling

Practice kindness towards others and to yourself

Music inspires and empowers you, listen to it

Breathe deeply

Take it one day and one hour at a time. Focus on the present.

The post Resilience & Stress Management appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation. It is savoring; it is not taking things for granted; it is present-oriented – Sonja Lyubomirsky

Prologue

On a cold day in January 2016, I am flying to London, UK, to get trained for two weeks for a dream job. The same year, one of my closest friends, Bill McLean, died of cancer. I was like 2017 better be good. In November 2017, a high school classmate died of a heart attack. In February 2018, I was talking to one of my closest friends from university, and that same night, he passed away. His death hit me hard. It took me a good six months to recover. 2019 was going well. I had great plans for 2020. In one week in December 2019, I was laid off from a start-up, Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, and my mom’s health was deteriorating. In March 2020, the day I was going to get a job offer, the COVID quarantine hit. Talk about a perfect storm.

My parents, friends, and work colleagues were all commenting on how well I was handling the storm.

Do you want an abundance of physical, mental, and social bliss? How about feeling optimistic, happy, and connected even during challenging times? I am sure you want better sleep, self-esteem, high energy, a stronger immune system, better emotional intelligence, and to build a capacity to forgive.

I have the answer. It is gratitude.

What is Gratitude

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation – Brian Tracy

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. It is derived from the Latin word gratia which stands for gratefulness, grace, or graciousness. When a human being receives something whether tangible or intangible and shows a thankful appreciation, it is gratitude. The person focuses on the positive in their life. Positive thinking helps the person to connect with something bigger than them, to other people, nature, and God.

Thesaurus has a few synonyms for gratitude and a whole subset of words and meaning attached to it. The synonyms are thankfulness, gratefulness, tribute, acknowledgment, appreciation, benediction, and recognition for the good in their life.

Gratitude and forgiveness have been my two biggest weaknesses. I have written extensively in this blog about it. It was only after marriage that Debbie has taught me about these two amazing qualities.

Modern Psychology and Gratitude

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Martin Seligman a famous psychologist did something very revolutionary more than three decades ago. Until that time psychologists focused on negative emotions like stress, addiction, trauma, and mental illness. Seligman looked at altruism, compassion, happiness, forgiveness, optimism, and gratitude.

Robert Emmons is the world’s leading expert on gratitude. His research has shown that expressing gratitude has a positive impact on human beings by improving their mental, physical, and relational well-being, and the effect lasts long.

Randy Kamen another psychologist talks about focusing on what you have rather than what is lacking in your life. The goal is to retrain the brain and to see the positive.

Gratitude was always part of the philosophical and religious domain in academia. So, it is interesting to see Psychologists getting interested in this area.

The benefits of An Attitude of Gratitude

I’ve had a remarkable life. I seem to be in such good places at the right time. You know, if you were to ask me to sum my life up in one word, gratitude – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

An attitude of gratitude is a choice, a habit that has to be developed and strengthened daily to gain the benefits. Gratitude detaches us and redeems us from negative feelings and toxic emotions. Gratitude leads to joy. Gratitude has a positive influence on the brain that is long-lasting. Gratitude improves relationships and problem-solving skills. Gratitude makes us better learners. It may seem contrived in the beginning but trust me as time passes you will notice a big difference.

The Journal of Applied Sport Psychology in a study in 2014 stated that gratitude improves self-esteem. Personality and Individual Differences published a study in 2012 that found that gratitude improves physical health. In the same year, the University of Kentucky’s research on gratitude found it improves empathy and reduces aggression. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in a 2003 study concluded that gratitude helped people in building resilience after 9/11.

How to develop an attitude of gratitude

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

Keep a Journal

In 2011, research published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being found that writing a gratitude journal improves sleep. I have found this has helped me tremendously. I have a personal gratitude journal. It is easy for me to focus on friends that I have lost, setbacks in my career, career moves I should have made. I do not stress on coming up with things or making up stuff.  By keeping a gratitude journal, my mental health is better as I am not focusing on envy or resentment but focusing on the positive in my life and how blessed it is.

However, I am focusing on:

I still have an amazing set of friends from grade 8, high school, university, and the business world. There are a few in Toronto that I have been doing breakfast or lunch once a month for the last 25 years

I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, clothes, money in the bank and two cars outside

Grateful for OHIP (free medical care in Ontario)

I am in good health

I have a job working from home

Living in one of the best cities in the best country in the world

People who we do not know cooking food for us

People driving Debbie to her appointments

Debbie and Jean love me unconditionally

I am one of the few people I know that have both their parents alive

As you focus on the positive, you are more joyful. I even tell Debbie, what if cancer happened a decade back? She was running a daycare and Jean was only 6. I have never created a fake sense of blessedness. I focus on counting all the blessings I have.

Say and write thank you often

Today I wrote a note of thanks to all the people who are delivering meals to us. I thank fellow bloggers for following me or inspiring me. As you show your appreciation you just get this great feeling. You are also nurturing your own relationship with the other person. Let them know how they impact your life. I also want to challenge you to write a thank you letter to yourself.

Practice breathing

I am horrible at meditation. One of the things I do is just sit and breathe. It calms me down. As I breathe I just focus on all the positive things that are happening in my life. As I am practicing gratitude I am also training my brain to focus on the positive aspect of life. As I breathe, I am also focusing on the positive that is going around me. The brain is calm. The positive affirmations are entering your subconscious mind.

Pray

I do this often and often go for long walks just to contemplate.

How to deal with challenges that stop you from being grateful

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul — Rabbi Harold Kushner

We all have a critical inner voice. That negative inner voice has to be silenced. If it is not silenced it can play havoc with us feeling grateful. If you listen to the inner voice you can become bitter and resentful and not allow any love or compassion to creep in.

I want to show an example of listening to the critical inner voice versus embracing gratitude.

I have planned a golf outing with a friend of mine for Sunday afternoon. I am looking forward to it and as the day approaches it is raining heavily. I freak out. I get worked up and emotional that the day is ruined. I take it personally and start blaming the weather for my mood. I take out my frustration with my wife. My perception was that the rain messed up my weekend. My negative thought patterns which started in my critical inner voice have now been blown out of proportion. It has a negative influence on my wife and daughter.

My friend, on the other hand, was also looking forward to playing golf. He accepted the rain and surrendered. He called me and told me that he will focus on cleaning the house and then cook for his wife. He also thinks the grass does not have to be watered. My friend made a conscious and intentional decision to make the best out of the situation. At the end of the day, it is all about perception. My friend surrendered with humility.

Epilogue

The last few months have been hectic. I was going to work then rushing back, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. The truth was I was burning out. All my life from a young age I have been a volunteer. Even at the new job, I was driving people. Someone approached me at the office and said ‘Jerry, this is the time for you to be selfish. COVID-19 is happening and your wife’s immune system is compromised. You do not have to drive anyone’.

Someone challenged me to ask for help. I hate asking for help. The person reminded me that I am stopping other people from getting blessed. It was my pride and being a control freak that did not want to ask for help. And then due to high winds, my fence came down.

As a result of that conversation, I pleaded for help. I just explained what was going on in our lives. Carolyn Gerber who was bringing us meals for the last couple of weeks made a meal train, and the love, support and offers just poured in.

On Monday, after I was looking at the damage the wind had done and was stepping out, I see a van parked in front of my house. I see some young kids in the back of the car and the mother offers me food. Her name is Devon Dienesch. I am blown away. We have a quick chat and we have a few common acquaintances and I take the food inside. Debbie shows me the note with the food. Later that night I read the note and I just started crying. Here was this encouraging note from an innocent child.

I have a choice to focus on the fence and all the other challenges I am facing or seeing the goodness in all these people who are going out of their way and serving us.

I was then reminded of the time in grade 11 and 12 for early morning service at Bishop Cotton School, reading in front of 300 boys, Philippians 4:6: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

I remembered Arun Sachdev a heart surgeon visiting from Thailand and as Vipul Goel was driving us to Niagara, Arun started quoting Psalm 7:17: I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High. I am like you still remember those scriptures and you are Hindu, dude.

No matter what comes my way, I will be grateful. I know many of you are going through challenges. It is not going to be easy. Be grateful.

Photo Credits: Brooke Cagle Gian Cescon Erriko Boccia Gabrielle Henderson Priscilla Du Preez  AndriyKo Podilnyk

The post Discover the transformative attitude of gratitude appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Paula Novella is a blogger based in Melbourne, Australia. We catch up and talk about honesty, integrity, and what her blog is all about.

Paula, please share a little about yourself.

I am a 52-year-old who has been focused on living a healthy lifestyle for the last few years. I wrote my first story one year before I published it, but very happy I did!

What is your blog about? What is unique about it and who is your audience?

My blog is a health and well-being blog and I think what sets it apart is that I want to engage with my readers. I named the blog ‘shared stories’ because I want the blog to be interactive. A platform for everyone to ‘share’ their ‘story’ and for this reason my audience is everyone!

Why did you get into blogging?

I started blogging because I love to write and can’t believe how much ‘stuff’ I had in my head.

Talk to me about the city you live in? The food scene…restaurants and why we should visit it?

I live in Melbourne, Australia which is a great city with an abundance of nightlife, restaurants, and bars, not to mention the music scene available.

What does women empowerment mean to you?

Women’s empowerment is especially important because not all women are able to achieve without it.

Life is challenging. Help me understand something you have been through, what you learned from it and how you dealt with it?

My mother’s death when I was a young 19-year-old totally changed my life and I know that had she not left me when I was just starting my life I would be a totally different person to who I am today.

What are some values in life that you stick by?

I believe that integrity and honesty are two very important qualities in a person.  I try to live my life respecting everyone’s right to their opinions but try very hard to not let that get in their or my way of achieving goals.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family in the 21st century?

I believe that setting and working towards goals is very important and that balance in everything is the key.

The post Paula Novella: Honesty & Integrity appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Patience is a virtue we all admire but often struggle to practice—especially when life seems to test us at every turn. Whether we’re stuck in traffic, waiting for a breakthrough, or simply navigating the everyday pressures of life, our response in those moments can reveal more about us than we realize.

On a peaceful Christmas morning, I found myself behind the wheel, thinking not just about the road ahead but about something deeper: our collective impatience. The honks, the lane changes, the silent frustrations—it’s all too familiar. But in those moments, I was reminded that patience isn’t just about waiting—it’s about how we wait.

As Helen Keller once said, “We would never learn to be brave and patient if there was only joy in the world.” What follows is a reflection on a seemingly ordinary drive, and how it became an unexpected lesson in grace, character, and choosing calm over chaos.

Christmas day

It is Christmas morning.

A beautiful day outside and the temperature is 8 degrees Centigrade. I am looking forward to a wonderful drive to my in-laws.

Therefore, as I make a right on Rossland, I notice I am driving at 70 in a 60 zone. A car behind me honks and just zips past me at around 80.

After that, I hit the 401 highway. I enter the express lane. In the collectors, the drivers drive between 100 and 110.

In the express, it is 110 in the inside lane, 120 in the middle, and around 130 in the passing lane. I personally like the middle lane as I can drive between 120 and 130.

I am barely ten minutes on the highway and a black Ford Mustang cuts me off and keeps on shifting between three lanes at around 140.

Today is Christmas. We are all heading to have a meal with friends and family. What is the rush? What is the problem with the driver? That kind of dangerous driving can cost lives.

As I reach Oakville, the traffic hits a standstill. For the next 30 minutes, I will have to drive at 20. I stay in the inner lane and the jostling between the cars begins.

Drivers are moving between the three lanes as if they have achieved something if they ahead by one car. Will it really make a difference? The result of being a car ahead is not worth it if an accident is caused.

Patience is the mother of all virtues and the godmother of madness – Carlos Ruiz Zafron

I really felt like it was madness on the highway. I was not sure if I would arrive safely at my destination.

Patience helps us in every area of our lives

Patience is good for our health. Stress and anger are not good for us.

Patience helps us maintain a positive outlook on life.

Patience helps us build character.

Patience helps us build empathy.

Patience helps us to love unconditionally and have better relationships.

I encourage you to practice patience in every area of your life.

Photo Credits: Rodion Kutsaev Juan Rojas Alexander Popov

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