Dr. Valerie Fitzpatrick is a chiropractor offering gentle chiropractic services to the Greater Toronto Area community. Her practice is centered around Network Spinal Analysis (NSA) approach to health and healing. Network Care is a very gentle therapy that can be helpful with people of all ages, from newborns to the elderly.  Dr. Valerie Fitzpatrick teaches her patients to use a variety of home techniques, including breathing, gentle stretching, and other exercises to support the progress they make in their sessions with her. As chronic tension patterns are shifted, muscles and joints begin to move and respond in new healthy ways. Over time, patients develop new ways of dealing with physical, mental and emotional stress, leading to pain reduction, increased energy and improved sleep patterns. I catch up with her to talk about what is a chiropractor and how they help us lead a healthier life.

Valerie, tell me a little about you, and what made you want to become a chiropractor? 

I think that I have always had an analytical mind and a love for understanding the human body. I have also had a lifelong love of art.  Along the way, I thought of a career in medical illustration, and then spinal cord research, but then came to realize that Chiropractic was what I wanted to do. I had personally experienced the benefits of chiropractic care with occasional wellness treatments during my childhood. Later in my teens, it was my chiropractor who had a significant impact on my life and health. At the age of 16, I nearly died from viral encephalitis, an acute infection of the brain. I had been hospitalized for a long time and had lingering effects from the illness. It was my chiropractor who helped me and gave me lifestyle guidance as I was finding my way back to health. I went on to undergrad studies in Neuroscience and then postgraduate studies in Chiropractic.

Tell us about your practice as a chiropractor? 

I have had a family practice for 23 years, seeing infants to advanced seniors.  Some of my patients are competitive athletes, some are highly sensitive people, some have had multiple accidents or surgeries, some are dealing with autoimmune disorders, some have anxiety disorders and the list goes on.   I initially started practice with conventional chiropractic techniques, but then was introduced to Network Spinal care which I found so personally beneficial.  I began continuing studies in Network care, and I have been using it as my primary method for the past 19 years. I enjoy using the precise low-force adjustments to reduce the tension along their spinal cord, and muscles, and release the fixations along their spine; I especially like the Network emphasis on considering every patient as a whole complex person with a body, mind, and soul – with their own unique history and outlook. 

How do you help patients find a balance around all the anxiety in the 21^st century?

I think the first step in helping someone is taking the time to ask them about their lifelong stressors and traumas, and truly listening. Whether it is abandonment, financial stress, bullying, an eating disorder, divorce, immigration, loss of a job, chronic disability, change of school or work, abuse, or co-dependence – these things can all contribute to a patient’s current health issues. These things can also lead to a state of helplessness or anxiety.

Secondly, by using the Network care techniques I can help people learn, or rather relearn, to breathe fully and deeply again. This can help them switch off the chronic flight-fight-freeze stress response in the autonomic nervous system. Sometimes, I will also teach patients some spinal awareness breathing exercises called Somato Respiratory Integration to help them connect with their body and breath again. When people are more self-aware, they can also be more adaptable to whatever life will throw at them.

With other patients I also talk about expressing healthy anger, setting healthy boundaries, developing attachments to safe people, eating healthy, exercising, and about self-affirmation through pursuing a passion. I can talk more about these topics another time if you’d like.

Talk to me about being a single parent and how you balance being a chiropractor, a business owner, and a single mother?

Well, yes life has not really gone as I planned, but I have learned to grow and stretch myself with each challenge and each stage of life.  I started my chiropractic practice when I was single; at that time, I was able to focus on work, exercise, spiritual growth, and time with friends. A few years later finding myself divorced with a three-year-old daughter while setting up in a new office as a chiropractor definitely changed my priorities and my schedule. I can’t say that I have always had balance in my life, but I have been willing to adapt and willing to grow. There are things that we can control, but so many things we can’t. A child becoming seriously ill, a car accident, a concussion, the hormonal changes of mid-life, a parent in a health crisis; these are just a few examples.  Life is ever-changing, so what works as a balanced schedule at one stage, will not even be possible at another stage.

Personally, my life and work choices have been based on what was best for my daughter and myself, for our physical health as well as our mental and spiritual health. I put my money into quality food as a priority over expensive vacations.  I have dedicated time for friendships that are safe and nurturing. I decided that no matter how busy I am, I will try to ensure that my daughter knows that I am there for her and that home is a safe place, a haven from the world.  Decisions about work location and office hours have also been based on family needs. I make time to get outside for prayer walks with my Creator; that always puts things into perspective for me and keeps life from feeling overwhelming.

Before I was married, I regularly worked out at the gym in solitude, doing weight training and cardio. As a single parent with a young daughter, I couldn’t do that. I learned to exercise at home with a few basic pieces of equipment: resistance bands, a yoga mat, an exercise ball, various dumbbells, and a weighted ball. As my daughter got old enough to be on her own, I found that I could join a gym again, but I realized that I also needed some fun social time. I was starting to feel isolated as a single mom with a solo practice. So instead of joining a gym again, I took different sport and dance classes- lots and lots of classes. That way I met my need for exercise, music, and socialization with other adults.  Now I am back to going to the gym, but I am doing things like boot camp, yoga, and weight-training classes. 

Talk to me about your art and why hobbies and pursuing a passion are important?

As I mentioned earlier, art was one of my first loves, especially pottery and painting.  I did lose connection with my creative side during the years of starting my practice, going through a painful marriage, motherhood, and divorce. When I was in the midst of a particularly difficult time, a few years ago I found art again. It became my therapy.  Art has been a grounding and energizing force in my life again. I no longer paint with a concern about impressing other people with my technical ability. I paint to express my inner self and honor the urge to create.  I have been able to be a part of three art shows now; I have grown from the vulnerability of showing my work, I have felt the deep joy of hearing that someone was moved by my art, and I have felt my self-esteem grow.  I have been able to share my love of art with my daughter, and it has been a bonding activity for us.

Photo Credit: Memories by Moxley

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Parenting has taken on a whole new meaning during Covid 19.

Parents, caregivers, and children across the country are facing challenges and have to constantly pivot during the lockdown.

Focus on creating quality time and make sure your children are connected with family, friends, and neighbors through social media, chats, phones, and email.

Go on walks with your children while maintaining a safe distance.

Listen to understand your children, focus on their positive behavior and be a role model.

I talk to Brett about mental health and parenting.

Brett Ullman travels North America speaking to teens, young adults, leaders, and parents on topics including sexuality, mental health, men, dating, and media. Brett’s seminars engage and challenge attendees to try and connect our ancient faith with the modern culture we live in. Participants are inspired to reflect on what we know, what we believe, and how our faith ought to serve as the lens through which we view and engage in tough conversations in our society today.

Husband to Dawn and father of Bennett and Zoe, Brett and his family make their home in Ajax, Ontario where Brett leads and directs Worlds Apart, a charity focused on empowering individuals to re-align their lives with Biblical core values often muddled by media but central to Christian living.

Brett was a teacher with the Toronto District School Board for 10 years before moving into speaking full-time back in 2005. Brett has a Master’s degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton Graduate School in Chicago and is also a graduate of the Arrow Leadership Program. He and his family are members of Sanctus Church in Ajax since 2004. I catch up with Brett to talk about mental health and parenting.

Brett, please tell my audience a little about you?

My name is Brett Ullman. My wife (Dawn) and I live in Ajax, Ontario with our 2 teenagers Zoe (16) and Ben (15). I was a teacher with the TDSB (Toronto District School Board) for 10 years before leaving teaching 13 years ago to speak full-time. My speaking had started the year I began teaching and had grown to the point where I was teaching full-time and speaking 45 dates a year across Canada and the US. I speak on current issues from parenting, mental health, dating, media, faith, sex, men, and pornography.

I have a 14-year daughter, what is the best advice you can give me?

There is a quote from the book “Trophy Child” from Ted Cunningham that says “They will not be with me forever so I will prepare them accordingly.” This would be my best advice … prepare your daughter for life, don’t protect her from life. We seem to see an epidemic of over-parenting (which is rooted in fear-based parenting) throughout our society. If 4 years from now she heads away for school she better be ready to deal with everything from good online digital citizenship, dealing with sex and pornography, dealing with money, all aspects of dating, etc.

As a side point, I would say go and tell her that you love her. I am blown away on an ongoing basis by how many young girls tell me their dad has never told them he loved her.

I would also remind her often that you are there for her, not against her. That we as parents want the best for our kids and we are in their corner in life is a huge deal. This also means that we are still for them even when they mess up. Our kids need to know that we love them “forever and always” no matter what happens. This is unconditional love.

In the last decade, we as a society have been talking about mental health. What can we as parents do if our kid is struggling?

If I am in a room of students and/or parents and ask who knows someone who struggles with mental health, there is usually not a hand that does not go up. It is affecting all of us as a modern culture today. As someone who had a breakdown back in 2012 from speaking close to 300 speaking dates a year to pay for my Master’s degree, I was taking down in Chicago I understand first-hand the … what word do I use … struggle that those of us with mental health struggles face within the church today. One of the issues is that we allow people with cancer, diabetes, and other illnesses to follow a path to healing using best practices (doctors, medications, etc) but tell someone struggling with mental health it must be a spiritual issue. I have an entire talk on this called the Walking Wounded. Let me give you the 2 min summary.

If you or your kids are struggling with mental health you need to attack it in 3 ways:

1. Body – go to your family doctor. Get blood work, and a physical done and see if there is anything physically wrong with you. You then need to take care of your body by eating better, sleeping more, and doing daily exercise. Some of the struggles we have are just from our living unsustainable lives. We need to take back control of what we can.
2. Mind – go see a counselor and get some strategies to help you in your journey.
3. Soul – Now this is the one that gets vast debate. I would say that our faith is (for the most part) not the answer in the journey but is the thing that sustains us in the journey no matter the outcome. Talk to pastors, prayer teams, small groups, and other people and allow them into your journey as well.

How are sexuality, media, and dating related?

I put them all under an umbrella I call a Christian Sexual Ethic or a Biblical worldview of healthy sexuality. If you have a correct ethic or worldview on this, it will affect all aspects of how we view sexuality in our lives. This affects what we do in relationships, what we do online, and the type of media we put into our lives.

Give me some practical examples as to how we can connect an ancient faith to our fast-paced modern culture?

I think it starts with a Biblical Worldview. Your Worldview shapes your values, and then your values shape your actions, what you actually do in life. I have been talking about spiritual disciplines for 15 years in my talks. These are the primary spiritual formation building blocks of our faith. Reading, praying, fasting, giving, volunteering, etc. are the foundations of our faith. I just finished a chapter on this for my new book so here is a shortlist of a few books to get you started in this area:

1. Dallas Willard: The Spirit of the Disciplines: Understanding How God Changes Lives
2. Richard J. Foster: Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth
3. Nathan Foster: The Making of an Ordinary Saint
4. Patrick M. Morley: A Man’s Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines: 12 Habits to Strengthen Your Walk with Christ
5. Ken Shigematsu: God in My Everything: How an Ancient Rhythm Helps Busy People Enjoy God
6. Gary Thomas: Sacred Pathways
7. Ruth R. Barton: Sacred Rhythms: Arranging our lives for Spiritual Transformation

Give me some practical tips on parenting and how to communicate with our kids on taboo topics?

The author Henry Cloud says we need to “Enter the danger.” We need not shy away from the tough stuff but lean into the conversations.

One thing that is really important here is that if you want to be able to speak to your kids on tough topics, you have to have relational influence in their lives. This is not something that you get because you are a parent, it is something you have to earn. When your kids are born, you have positional influence as you are the parent, and they are the kid. As they get older this fades away, and you must have relational influence. You build this day by day as your kids are growing up by being involved in their lives, family dinners, family vacations, family meetings, talks on the couch, game night, movie night, laughing and crying with your kids, encouraging them, etc.

Back to the tough topics use people around you. If you do not know what to say about a particular topic spend some time searching online, talk to your pastors and leaders, talk to parents of kids who are older than yours, read books on this topic, spend time on YouTube and searching Ted talks for great content. My website (www.brettullman.com) is filled with resources like this. My blog has conversations on all of these tough topics and the best links to other resources are all posted.

Talk to my female audience and help them in the dating world and how they need to navigate it?

I might start with a younger audience and say you don’t need to rush into dating in Grade 5-11. It will add a lot of heartaches, and the real question you are going to have to answer is what do you do sexually in these relationships as there is not much else that will be different from a good friend and dating other than that.

The other side of that coin is said to people who are out of High School and challenging them actually to date. We have a problem I see today where people are just not dating.

An important question to ask is not whether they like you, but whether they are worth you’re like.

Let me explain this better. It is great they like you, but does it matter? Are they the right person for you? Do you also like them? Do you have anything in common etc.? You don’t need to date someone just because they like you. You have a choice whether to like them back (in a dating way) or just stay friends.

What are some questions we need to ask ourselves before getting married?

The most viewed blog on my site with over 12,600 views is 80+ questions you need to ask when you are dating. Lots of questions to ask before you ever get engaged and married. Just a few good ones would be:

–    What behavior is appropriate for those who are going to practice sexual abstinence before marriage

–    Are you a non-practicing Christian? What does the Christian faith mean to you?

–    Do you want any? 1? 2? 5?

–    What kind of home do you want your children to grow up in? Values? Rules?

–    What will you do? Where will you live? What comes with the job you have chosen? Travel?

You can use my blog as a start and then add any other questions you have. The point is to ask these before you get serious. If you want to have kids and they do not this is a massive red flag that your relationship might not be right. If they’re going to move to another place in the country and you want to live near your family and friends, it might be another red flag. 

How important is communication in the family?

It is paramount. I am a huge fan of family dinners, family meetings, family vacations, etc. The problem we see today is peer attachment without parental attachment. This is seen in Leonard Sax’s’ book The Collapse of Parenting. Our kids are looking for unconditional love and acceptance from their peers which is just something they are not able to give. Our kids need a strong, secure attachment (bond) with us as parents, only then can they head out into the world and bond with their peers.

We as parents need to make sure that we work at good communication. No technology at the dinner table. Phones are on airplane mode and not on silent. People need to look at each other in the eye when they are talking. This problem of partial attention is getting worse in life.

We also need to have open communication on the expectations of our kids around the house. Clear, agreed on boundaries and expectations for everything from chores to curfew.

How do you balance faith family finance and food in this busy world?

I think the first thought here is just to be conscious that you want to live a balanced, sustainable life. I am presently reading “The Ripple Effect” by Greg Wells. The bi-line is:

Sleep better

Eat better

Move better

Think better

So love this. Many years ago, I heard the analogy of the jar with the different size rocks. If you put in the sand and small stones first the large rocks will not fit in. But, if you put in the large rocks, then small stones, then the sand they will all fit. It is the same in our lives. Plan your life to fit in the large rocks first (exercise, sleep, diet, faith etc.), then put in the smaller stones (shopping, cleaning, volunteering) When all of these things are done you are left to put in the sand of your life (TV, social media, video games, etc).

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Collaboration in health care is defined as health care professionals assuming complementary roles and cooperatively working together, sharing responsibility for problem-solving, and making decisions to formulate and carry out plans for patient care.

I talk to Dr. Shannon Dales owner and chiropractor at Core Focus Health Group. With over 25 years of experience, Shannon believes that lifelong mobility and good health are intrinsically linked.  She helps her clients feel good and move well through chiropractic care, acupuncture, and exercise and leads by example being a National level competitive athlete and busy Mom of 2.

Shannon, welcome to my series on health professionals. Please tell my global audience a little about you?

I have always been a very physical person enjoying exercise and sports.

I was the kid joining every sports team at school.  With my heavy involvement in sport, I experienced my share of injuries.

As a child, I was exposed to the benefits of chiropractic care, as I received treatments for my sport-related injuries.  As I contemplated a career choice much later, it was evident that chiropractic science was a natural fit for me. I have been providing chiropractic care for almost 25 years.

Outside of the office, I am a proud mother of two teenagers.

Define what a chiropractor is and why should people visit you?

A chiropractor deals with the optimal functioning of the nerves, joints, and muscles of the body.  Traditionally, we have been referred to as “back doctors” as the majority of our clients receive chiropractic care with the onset of back or neck pain.

Chiropractic care provides hands-on therapy along with education and exercise to reduce pain and restore function.

Chiropractic care offers an alternative way to manage back pain without the use of opioids.

Talk to me about your practice and the different professions that practice here and the holistic approach to health care?

I am very fortunate to work in an office with many other talented therapists.

Core Focus Health Group provides chiropractic care, physiotherapy, massage therapy, naturopathy, acupuncture plus diagnostic testing services such as genetic and genome testing.

We provide individualized, best evidence care in a collaborative environment.

Clients like having a team to support their needs.

In the 21st century, most of us work and commute long hrs. What can we do to deal with all this sitting that is practically killing us?

We see many clients with the “downtown” back referring to back pain from sitting all day.

Many of us are familiar with the statement “Sitting is the new smoking”.  Our bodies are made for movement, not for sitting for prolonged periods of time.

I encourage all my clients to take regular breaks from sitting all day – get up and walk around!

Some of my clients have also integrated stand-up desks into their work environment. Standing is better than sitting but the movement is still the best.

Regular exercise including cardio, weights, and core strength will help keep the body healthy plus reduce disability and morbidity.

Talk to me about your passion for rowing and how important it is to have a passion and to pursue that?

During my first year providing chiropractic care, one of my clients invited me to paddle with her dragon boat team.  I had never been in a dragon boat but was curious about this sport.  After the first practice, I was hooked.

I loved being outside and enjoyed the physical effects of a good cardio workout, the social interaction, and the mental clarity after this exercise. I have enjoyed the travel benefits of dragon boat competitions both nationally and internationally.  In fact, I have been on the Canadian National Senior A Women’s dragon boat team for many years. I also met my husband through this sport!

What advice do you have for type A’s who want it all?

Balance is key to successfully achieving your goals and supporting your priorities.

The post Core Focus Health Group: Heal and Prevent appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Nirmala Srivastava founded Sahaja Yoga in 1970. During meditation, seekers experience self-realization. Sahaja is a Sanskrit term consisting of ‘Saha’ is ‘with’ and ‘ja’ is ‘born’. In the Buddhist dictionary, it is ‘innate, denoting the natural presence of enlightenment or purity’.

Dr. Girish Gupta, a management consultant, and practitioner of Sahaja Yoga Meditation talks about its advantages.

Girish, it is a pleasure to have you here. Please tell my global audience a little about you?

I am a management consultant, advising companies on the best ways to manage and operate their business, which includes business strategy, operational techniques, marketing, branding, and skills like time management. I help companies become efficient, increase synergies and increase their footprint by attracting new business.

What did you do for your Ph.D. thesis?

I did my Ph.D. in Marketing Management.  The thesis was – Study on the Industrial Product Marketing Strategy of selected companies in India.

Explain your yoga style and how it is linked to your faith.

I practice Sahaja Yoga Meditation. It is Self-Realization or Actualization. Sahaja Yoga is given by our Divine Mother, Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi who is the founder of Sahaja Yoga. It is practiced in more than 180 countries across the world. For more details, one can visit www.sahajayoga.org. As far as faith, you can see various miracles in your day-to-day life. You also have peace from within.

Is there any special God you worship?

After practicing Sahaja Yoga, you get the knowledge that all Gods are one and equal. They all lead you to take only one path. The path is the truth that one can feel in his/her nervous system.

How do you embrace good and shun evil?

As we practice Sahaja Yoga and get better, we get established in it. At that point, one automatically comes to know through vibration what is evil and good. You act accordingly.

Do you follow any specific diet?

No, I do not follow any specific diet. However, I surely try to follow a disciplined routine. I take Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.  I make sure there is no interval of more than 4 or 5 hours after each meal. For me, a meal can also be having fruit.

What are the advantages of doing yoga?

People perceive yoga as only physical activity, but actually, yoga means one’s Reunion with all-pervading power which is God’s love flowing everywhere. This reunion can be achieved by self-realization meditation only. I also recommend physical exercise like walking, jogging, cycling, going to the gym, and swimming.

Tell me about Indore and some good restaurants and your favorite dishes.

Indore is located in the western part of Madhya Pradesh. It is a developing B-class city in India. Indore was awarded as best city for cleanliness two years in a row.

Indore is famous for food-loving people with a variety of tastes, different food outlets, and restaurants for their sumptuous meals.  Indore has a food market (Also known as khau gali) that operates from 8 PM to 12 PM. You get a variety of food from Chinese, South Indian, pasta, Jalebi, Kachori, Samosa, etc.

I do not have any specific favorite dish. However, I like Kadhi (made from curd), and butter paneer masala and am fond of sweets. Shreemaya, Sayaji, and TGB are some good restaurants in Indore.

Give me some tips on being a good husband and I will follow up with your wife to see if you are doing these things.

I would strongly recommend trusting each other blindly. Keep quiet when the other person is angry (don’t argue at that point in time). Once when things are normal and cooled down explain your point of view. Love each other without any expectations.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, family, and your career?

Don’t take your office worries home and vice versa. After practicing Sahaja Yoga meditation, you get a work-life balance easily.

The post Sahaja Yoga Meditation appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Heather Donohue is a Certified Holistic Nutritionist passionate about teaching busy women how to create a healthy routine and nutrition that fits their lifestyle. Heather solves common concerns such as low energy levels, brain fog, weight gain, moodiness, bloating, and embarrassing excess gas through nutrition. She is a ‘busy empty-nester wife, who loves to cook, eat, and live life.’ The thing I like about her is that ‘having a healthy lifestyle doesn’t mean tough restrictions. It is about balance and learning new ways to get and stay healthy.’

I believe in a holistic and balanced approach to life. The older I get, I am convinced the mental, spiritual, physical, psychological, and emotional parts of our life have to be aligned properly. You can work in one area but if you do not focus on other aspects, the body does not perform at its optimum. Nutrition is so important to us and that is what I talk to Heather about.

Heather, help me understand what is holistic nutrition?

To understand holistic nutrition, you first have to understand the current medical system in the United States. When we go to a doctor, we select a specialist. We have cardiologists for heart health and disease. We go to gastroenterologists for digestive tract issues. We go to cancer specialists for specific parts of our bodies. Our medical system views the body in parts. When treating one part, medical doctors do not think about how it affects other parts. This is the foundation of holistic nutrition. Practitioners of holistic nutrition think about the entire body, including the mind and the soul. We know that if we are focusing on one area of the body, such as gut health, it will provide great benefits to the entire body, mind, and spirit. It can also cause distress in other parts of the body if we are using treatment methods that do not agree with the body. For example, if a person wants to go on a plant-based diet but is following a low sodium diet for heart health. There is a conflict in the two diets because plant-based eating results in a lot of potassium going into the body. If the potassium sodium ratio in the diet is not 2:1, the person could have heart palpitations.

Walk me through your passion for helping busy women? How do you do it?

There is a perception that focusing on health is hard. It can’t fit into our routines. This is just not true! When I start working with a client, I don’t just ask about the physical symptoms they have or are trying to prevent. I ask about what is going on in their lives. Do they have children? Do they work? Own a business? Married or divorced? Taking care of older parents? Empty nesters? Learning about their lives helps me identify tactics that work for them. For example, I worked with a woman in her late 60’s who was trying to lose weight. Most people think that losing weight is about diet, making food villains, and exercise. While those components help, one other reason people can’t lose weight is they are holding onto an emotional trauma. Two years ago, she lost her brother-in-law. She became very involved in helping her sister take care of all those things you have to take care of when a spouse dies. Once she felt that her sister was in a good place, she started to step back and let her sister get adjusted to her new normal. My client was holding onto what we call heart pain, which was keeping the weight on. As we discussed the situation, she told me she has a friend that performs reiki massages. Her friend was always telling her she should try it. It was the perfect release for her heart! She is down about 30 pounds now.

Can you please break it down in detail for me about dietary supplements, movement, eating organic plant-based foods, practicing self-care, and indulging smartly?

First, I am passionate about dietary supplements. I worked in the supplement industry for 8 years and take a lot of supplements every day. In spite of what people think, supplements are regulated by the FDA and there are clinical studies showing the efficacy of supplements. The problem becomes that there are bad actors. The bad actors may claim to heal a specific condition or create a formula that is not up to label claim. They usually are small manufacturers or individuals having an unreputable company making the product for them. Depending on the health situation, specific supplements can bring the body back into balance. For example, if a person has Chron’s disease, they need to be taking Saccharomyces Boulardii, which has been studied specifically to alleviate Chron’s disease symptoms. Here is a link to an NIH study. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10961730/

I’ve used Saccharomyces Boulardii as part of a protocol for a client and she had great results. Of course, all bodies are different so results will vary.

Movement is very important for the body. Our bodies were not meant to sit in cars or at desks for 8 to 12 hours a day. Our bodies want to be in motion. When we move our bodies, our internal systems benefit. One example, the abdomen becomes stronger which makes bowel movements easier. Also, stress is reduced which helps our immune system get stronger. Movement allows our heart to work a little harder helping to reduce cardiovascular disease. The movement also helps fight obesity which leads to a host of diseases such as diabetes and heart disease. The movement does not mean you have to belong to an expensive gym, hire a trainer, or take expensive classes. The most underrated form of exercise is walking! A brisk walk for 30 minutes, 5 days a week can be enough to keep a person healthy. Of course, if someone has an underlying medical condition, they need to check with their doctor to ensure they can pursue some form of movement. The key to staying motivated is to find something you like to do. That will keep you doing it.

Eating organic plant-based foods is key for a healthy body. It is all about pesticide and chemical avoidance. Foods grown with pesticides become endocrine disrupters in the body. That means the body views the chemicals as an enemy and tries to fight them. When the body is fighting chemicals, it gets tired and cannot focus on keeping the body in balance. Being mostly plant-based helps to feed the body nutrients it needs in a very simple way. The closer to the original form of food, such as a baked or boiled potato, the more nutrients it will have. The further away from the original form of food, such as instant mashed potatoes in a box, the fewer nutrients and more chemicals it will have. Being plant-based does not mean a person has to give up meat, chicken, or fish! I am plant-based 4 days a week. The other 3 days I will eat meat, chicken or fish. When I do eat meat, I buy the best quality I can afford. Wild-caught fish. Organic beef and chicken. I also make the meat, chicken, or fish, the smallest portion on my plate. I fill the plate with vegetables and whole grains.

Self-care is critical for mental health. In order to take care of others, we have to be calm and rational. We have to be able to deal with others’ negative energy, especially right now amid the pandemic and protests. It is very draining. Self-care means different things to different people. Meditation, journaling, sitting in a sauna, taking a walk, sitting in the sun for 15 minutes, reading a book, taking a bath – there is no wrong way to do it. It just needs to be something where a person can take time to enjoy themselves.

Indulgent – no one is perfect 100% of the time! Indulging smartly means simply, once a client gets their body back to balance, indulging once or twice a month. It’s actually really interesting because I do it myself. I will eat something deep-fried or some ice cream and I can immediately recognize that what I thought was going to be an indulgent meal or snack, actually made me feel not so good. But I do it anyway! That is human nature. When our bodies get back to balance, we can tell how indulgent foods don’t agree with us! After being in balance for years, people tend to change what indulgent treats means to them.

You have been helping women for a while. What have you learned through the process? Are women hard on themselves?

The biggest issue in working with anyone to reclaim their health is a lack of confidence that they can do it! Most people don’t have faith in their ability to make meaningful changes in their life. That is why it is so important that actions to improve their health are provided in small steps, that fit their lifestyle and allow them to see improvements quickly. That keeps them motivated to keep following and building on their new routine.

What does women empowerment mean to you? In your opinion how can women empower themselves?

Women empowerment means we are able to speak our minds and be respected for our opinions. Being educated on topics we are passionate about is how women can empower themselves. Simply taking an online class or learning a new skill via YouTube. Education has always been the core of being empowered. Education has been the key to my success. It doesn’t have to be formal. We can learn from others just by being observant or having conversations with them.

Talk to me a little about your city and the food scene?

I live in a relatively small town in NJ, about 85,000 residents. The food scene is heavily fast food and casual, fast food! We rarely eat out because we don’t like that kind of food. We’d rather have a nice meal with quality ingredients. We have to travel out of our town for food like that! But this is a great point. To live a healthy plant-based lifestyle, I often can’t shop at just one store in my town. I have to go to multiple because each carries a different variety of organic foods. But it is worth it to me so I can maintain my health as long as possible. Sometimes for our health to improve, changes in routine must happen over time.

We can lead healthy lives but emotionally and mentally we need to be strong and healthy also.

How important is mental health in our lives?

Mental health is a top priority for any overall health and wellness plan. Anxiety and stress are awful to our bodies. It weakens our immune system making us more susceptible to colds, viruses, and flu. Plus, over the long term, poor mental health contributes to promoting illness and disease in the body. Mental health afflicts more and more people in the United States. I see people constantly struggling with mental health issues on social media.

Our gut health is key to reducing mental health issues, not pharmaceuticals. Don’t get me wrong. Pharmaceuticals have their place as a temporary way to get back to normal. The problem is we have been trained that we need them to live. That is a very different message versus making short term progress. There are a lot of studies about how the gut has direct contact with our emotions and our brain. There are pathways that are in constant communication between the gut and the brain. Food can either make you feel good or bad because 90% of the serotonin (the happy hormone) in our bodies is produced by our gut!

Eating processed foods promotes feelings of sadness, worry, anger, feeling worthless, anxiety, panic, fear, and unable to do anything right, just to name a few. But eating organic, plant-based foods helps your brain to heal,  to be more positive,  to connect with our emotions. It makes it easier for us to have a positive outlook and know that today we will do our best. Today we will be able to laugh and feel good about our future. We will be joyful and know that life is going to be kind to us now and in the future. Food is medicine in so many ways!

Photo Credit: LikeMeat

The post Benefits of Holistic Nutrition appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

John joined Brian Gribben Insurance Planning after spending 6 years as a mortgage agent providing customized mortgages based on the unique needs of his clients. John’s financial experience dates back several decades managing a national sales force.

In just 3 years in the business, John achieved the “Elite Member level of the President’s Club”. This level was awarded to only 15 out of 2,000 advisors across 5 provinces in Canada for their performance in 2017.

His core values throughout his career are based on honesty, integrity, and responsibility toward the people he serves. In his role, he helps people achieve their financial dreams through a well- structured and strategic financial plan.

I ask John questions on having a financial plan, estate planning, life insurance, having a will, household budget, his role, and some practical tips on how to manage our finances.

Why is having a financial plan important and what is your role in doing that?

Without a financial plan, it’s like flying an airplane, without radar or the instrument panel to give you direction and your destination.  You can’t depend on hope to get the result and the outcome you expect. A financial plan must be strategic and will evolve as you go through the different stages of one’s life.  A plan is fluid and will be able to respond to all life events without affecting your lifestyle.  My role is to help people develop a sound strategic financial plan and guide them through it.

Let’s talk about estate planning. Why is it important?

Estate planning is important to ensure you have taken care of all your financial responsibilities that will be carried out when you are no longer in this world.   It will ensure that whatever wealth you have accumulated over your lifetime, is distributed properly according to your will and with minimal tax implications. If not done properly the government will be dealing with the estate.

Why is having life insurance important?

Life insurance protects your family and the lifestyle your family has been accustomed to during your living years.  Without it, you expose your family to either utilize the assets you have accumulated, or if limited assets are available, their lifestyle will dramatically change.  It provides tax-free money to your family and/or beneficiaries upon your death.

There is however a big difference between term insurance and permanent insurance such as Whole Life or Universal Life.  Both serve a purpose but permanent life creates a more favorable outcome late in life.  Term insurance becomes so expensive later in life that most people can no longer afford it and they cancel it leaving all the deposits with the insurer.  The other potential outcome is you might outlive the insurance and once you have reached 80, Term insurance is not available and again all your deposits, stay with the insurer.

What is your opinion on having a will? 

Not really for me to comment, but you want to make sure you have one to ensure your assets are handled according to your wishes.  It is part and parcel of your estate planning.

What is your view on having a monthly household budget?

Definitely a good option to understand where your money is being spent relative to the income you bring in.  It helps you manage your expenses and allocate it according to your goals.

Give me three practical tips on how to manage our finances?

Manage your debt!  If you have bad debt, work at making it a good debt, and if you have a good debt work at making it better.  Always ensure you save 10 to 15% of your gross income annually.  Ideally, plan to have an emergency fund in the event of a job loss, up to 6 months of income would be a good emergency fund.  You should also protect your deposits in the different financial vehicles you might use.  Disability Insurance, such as an income replacement, is a great idea.  Critical Illness should also be considered.  The waiver of premium in a life policy is a good idea to have and it is relatively inexpensive.

What is your role as a financial advisor with BGIP?

I’m a self-employed person who works with BGIP (Brian Gribben Insurance Planning) to provide clients with the best possible financial services through the development of a strategic financial plan.  We use a very unique process to help clients increase their income in retirement and identify where they are letting money get away from them, unknowingly.  There are about 24 of us in Canada that use this process.

If someone does not have any savings how should they start?

Putting money aside in a TFSA would be a great start.  At the moment, if someone has never contributed to a TFSA they have $63,500 contribution room to invest.  You can start as small as $50/week for example and continue to do this for 40 years at an annual interest rate of 5% would produce $329,783.  The miracle of compounded interest can create significant wealth.

You talk a lot about keeping your money, walk me through this?

Basically, while you are working you want to make sure your money is well managed and used for the right things in life.  Saving money is one thing, investing it is another.  In many cases we save money but it is really not working for us now and for the future.  Properly invested may mean the difference between a comfortable retirement versus a challenging retirement.  Make sure you have a plan for your money and how it will help you and your family today and in the future.

I say to people once they retire, they will have a new job title;  Asset Manager.  You will have the responsibility to manage your assets in retirement as long as you have planned for it during your working years.  In our life, we have a lot of information on the internet, books, magazines, etc. telling us to save money but very few talk about how to enjoy that money in retirement.  Too many people are eager to pay off their mortgage and will make incremental payments to their financial institution, which a lender will be more than happy to receive.  That money given to the lender in excess of what the lender is expecting is not working in your favor.  Paying your house quickly doesn’t increase the value of your house.  That money could have been used to enhance your financial wealth and ensure you get the benefits from it and not the lender.  This is called “Lost Opportunity Cost”, meaning the extra money given to the lender could have generated interest for you.

Give me some advice on being a great husband, father, and managing household finances?

Your life should be built around these 4 principles: Faith, Family, Fitness, and Finance. In that specific order and when this is done accordingly you will have achieved some well-deserved Freedom.  As a husband, my faith and trust in God are key.  Without Him, life would be different for my wife and me and consequently our family.  God has entrusted us with His money, and we need to be good stewards of that money.  I always think of the parable of the Talents in Mathew 25.  As a father and grandfather now, I need to make sure our kids and grandkids consider different factors before making a significant financial decision.

The post John Knox: Personal Wealth Advisor appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is psychotherapy?

Talk therapy, also called psychotherapy, is used to help people deal with challenges in life, emotional difficulties, and mental illness. Psychotherapy helps a person to make their life better through introspection and healing.

If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it. – Russell Wilson

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road. – Unknown

Anything human is mentionable, and anything mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. – Fred Rogers

The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about. – Unknown

Introduction

I got the most horrifying text of my life. A very close friend of mine, since college, passed away on Tuesday, early morning.

It is not possible. We just spoke on Monday morning. We were going to have lunch on Thursday. I was teasing him about being the king of Facebook. Also, since his dad was 90, I told him that he would probably outlive all of us and therefore attend my funeral.

After that, on a cold day in March, here I was at the funeral home facing his cold, lifeless body. In addition, a thousand memories since we were teenagers kept flashing across my mind.

The same year in April, a young gentleman drove a van across a street where I had lived for more than a decade, killing 10 people and injuring 16.

Similarly, in July as I was heading to the Danforth for a meeting, another male shot and killed 2 people and injured 13 at a nearby restaurant.

Three incidents in less than six months hit home. Why? Could any of the above situations be avoided?

Life happens

My close friend had issues from a young age. It tormented him. Over the years, I begged him, pleaded with him to get help. In 2015, he lost his job and disappeared. I finally got hold of him six months later and he was putting up a front. In 2017, I took him out for lunch for his birthday. Little did I realize that would be the last time I would be seeing him. We spoke throughout the summer, about his marriage, his parenting and how he felt about living in the basement of his parents’ home.

Above all, unemployed, separated from his wife, alone, lonely, feeling rejected, drugs and booze became his best friends. What stopped him from getting help? Did he not realize the hurt he was causing those close to him and especially his kids?  How come he did not know his limits and boundaries? Why did he not seek psychotherapy?

What is masculinity?

As I think about my friend and the other two men, involved in the killings, I am forced to ask myself, why do men not get help? Is it a sign of weakness? Is it considered macho to just suck up and deal with your issues through drugs, porn and substance abuse? Is this masculinity?

Or is masculinity dealing with our issues head-on, accepting responsibility for where you are in life, being grateful, forgiving and getting help?

I wish the three men would have got help. They could have avoided so much pain for themselves and those around them.

Advantages of getting help

When you go to see a psychotherapist, you get feedback on what you are going through from an objective perspective. Here is a trained third-party individual who listens, gives you feedback on what you are going through.

The second advantage is that you get to deal with your negative past. The therapist might ask you to write down your hurts, resentments, bitterness issues, challenges or just he/she will listen.

The third advantage is that it allows you to get in touch with reality. When you are doing drugs, booze, porn, and sleeping around, these are helping you to escape reality.

The fourth advantage is that you end up in better mental and physical health.

The fifth advantage is that it allows you to get to the root cause of your problems. The therapist gives you healthy coping mechanisms.

The final advantage is that you learn to take it easy on yourself and finally no one is judging you at the clinic. They are all encouraged that you have the courage and guts to deal with your issues.

I challenge you that if you are facing issues no matter what go ahead and get professional help.

The post Get Help: See A Psychotherapist appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Live a life that is well balanced; don’t do things in excess – Daniel Smith

Balance is a feeling derived from being whole and complete; it’s a sense of harmony. It is essential to maintain quality in life and work – Joshua Osenga

As I read the headlines for the last couple of weeks, it has become depressing. A famous entrepreneur who was famous for focusing on success dies in his early 40’s. The final six months of his life were drugs and alcohol. The entrepreneur was paying people a salary to hang out with him. Another entrepreneur was talking about working 80 hours a week. I looked into his personal life. He has four kids from four different women and was asking the journalist who was interviewing him to find him a date. Another spiritual guru was caught in the act of infidelity and drugs. The song continues.

The pursuit of excess or just focusing on one aspect of your life puts the other essential areas out of balance. Everything in life needs balance.

Feeling lonely by not leading a balanced life

The phone rang. In my 15 years on Bay Street, the phone rang constantly. The reasons are to make or cancel a trade, to get a quote, to inform us about a change, or to invite us for a lunch presentation or news announcement.

There were some calls you just ignored. For instance, a call from a stock promoter. However, this was an important call. He had just retired as the CFO of a major mining company. We talked for a while. After that, I asked him how things were going as it had been six months into his retirement. He was shaking and trembling on the other side. He was lonely and bored to death. The latest surveys from the US, Canada, and the UK all show that the baby boomers are lonely after retirement.

Mr. CFO was 60 years old and for the last, three and a half decades had worked in mining operations in the US, South America, and Southeast Asia. He had a fancy condo in the city, a condo in Florida, millions in the bank account. Above all, he was alone, lonely, bored and scared. In conclusion, he called because he wanted to talk to someone.

What is your purpose in life?

In other words, all his life he had focused so much on his career that he never focused on his wife. The kids were raised by nannies and he never formed a bond with them. The wife had left him. The kids had no time for him.

In addition, he made the mistake of replacing his work identity with his personal identity. Similarly, the identity of a husband, brother, uncle, son, father, and volunteer all took a back seat. Above all, it was always that quarterly report and making the analysts happy. It was about meeting targets and getting compensated for it.

The truth is that the work identity ends at some point. The title, place in the organization chart, the work ethic makes us feel worthy. However, we fail to find a balance.

Therefore, I asked him if he had a purpose for his life now. I honestly believe the question was in another language from his response.

After that, I asked if he was ready to embrace change and how did he prepare himself.

Did he volunteer at all?

Did he ever share his money with charities to make a difference?

Did he have a vision and mission to enrich other people around him?

Life is a circle. We reap what we sow.

A balanced life includes

In conclusion, a balanced life includes having a dynamic faith, a loving family, supportive friends, and eating healthy food as it is important for us emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically, and financially.

As you go on your daily life today, stay connected, enrich your life by taking a friend out for a meal, give to charity, buy a sandwich for the homeless person sleeping on the street, smile, reach out, give a hug and make a difference.

In a world filled with COVID, we need to make a difference and be game-changers in society.

The post Discover Reasons to Live a Balanced Life appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Ritcha Saxena is a Pathologist, doctor, with an MD in Pathology and advanced training in the field of Hematopathology. A hematopathologist is someone who studies diseases of the blood such as leukemias, lymphomas, and myelomas. Ritcha has worked in different institutions during the long span of her career. These include studying pathological specimens and using them to diagnose, treat, and manage patients with hematological diseases, and reviewing specialty consults, training medical students, and pathology residents.

Nowadays, she is more focused on the academic side of things as a professor.  Ritcha loves teaching and says “I have always striven to share my knowledge and enthuse others. In fact, I have been teaching for over 25 years, and the way my students can still rouse my curiosity and stimulate me is very rewarding for me. It is perhaps just one of the reasons why I feel just as passionate about my work as I did when I was a beginner. The success of my students is another incredible source of satisfaction to me.”

Ritcha, talk to me about what you are reading, writing, and why?

I am an ardent (closet) bibliophage. I love the smell of old books, so I collect them wherever I can lay my hands on them. In the age of e-books, it is quasi-mystical to me to hold in my hands one of those old musty-smelling paperbacks. I am into fiction as well as non-fiction. Currently, I am reading The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, and I keep thinking to myself – why hadn’t I done this sooner!

My deep-rooted passion for poetry has been recently rekindled. I have been a poetry aficionado for a long time, but the grind of life had deprived me of the time I used to spend devouring poems. I love free verse, acrostic, and pastoral poetry. To that effect, I have begun composing some of my own lines – based on my life experiences, my fondness for nature, and my love of life. I am amazed by the unanticipated peace and contentedness it has brought me; when I had begun writing these verses, I had never assumed that they would bring about such profound reactions within me. It’s been shocking, but I am now thrilled to have taken this chance!

My academic side persuades me to indulge in medical journals and magazines every now and then. I love to keep up with the latest advances related to my specialty and even otherwise. I also write a few of my own every once in a while. My latest article talks about different strategies I use to teach digitally in a pandemic.

I love to celebrate diversity and embrace peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, and charity. Do we have anything in common?

Absolutely, we do. I believe that diversity is at the core of who we are. Being open-minded and fostering respect for each other is the only way we can get to know each other well. When we celebrate the diversity around us, it opens our eyes to the boundless beauty in everything around us. Instead of letting our differences separate us from each other, we can accept and honor them, and let them bring us together. And aren’t those other traits you mentioned necessary for that? Without kindness, compassion, gratitude, and charity, there can be no peace. In my opinion, when we are able to instill a love and understanding of diversity within ourselves, we automatically become peaceful as we show compassion and kindness to everyone around us.  All of these things contribute to a fulfilling and satisfying life. I strongly believe in imbibing these virtues in my life force and make sure not to let myself get bogged down by the negativity surrounding us.

I had a Kit Kat in grade 5 and fell in love with chocolate. I love chocolate with salt, chilies, and pepper. My favorite was chocolate soup in Mexico. Talk to me about your love for chocolates?

My love for chocolate is not as long-standing as yours. Of course, I enjoyed chocolates as a kid, but I think that love reached the point of addiction during med school when I started gorging on my favorite chocolates for hours while studying! At that time, I was all about caramel, almond, and raisin – infused chocolates. My taste has evolved since then though, and now I am desperately in love with all sorts of dark chocolates! My favorites happen to be Lindt Swiss Dark with Hazelnuts and Lindt Sea Salt Touch. I could eat them all day!

You are a fan of yoga. How are the food, mind, and body connected?

My body is a temple – I have always been a firm believer in that statement. Everything in life requires nourishment in order to grow and flourish. I am enthusiastic about symphonizing food, the body, and the mind with the help of different yoga exercises. Of course, we all know that the body and the brain are anatomically connected. It makes sense that what affects one would affect another and it is not possible to have a healthy body without a healthy mind and vice versa. However, it’s the way that our mindset, emotions, beliefs, and the general approach towards our life affects our bodily performance that I aim to address through yoga. Our minds and bodies are very sensitive to what we eat. It’s not only the physical well-being that is impacted by what we eat, but even the correlation between our emotions – happy, depressive, and anxious – and the foods we consume is widely established. The energy that our food provides, whether positive or negative, permeates every inch of our being and affects us correspondingly. From a bird’s eye view, we can see that it is possible to orchestrate our body in a way to have it function in the most optimal way. You can take care of your body by providing it with proper, balanced meals and your mind and wholesome wellbeing with the help of yoga. Without this interconnection, a risk of disharmony is ever-present. When addressed properly, self-care has the potential to heal almost all aspects of our lives. I am a foodie, and I admit to occasionally eating non-judiciously, whether it is over or under – eating, but at the end of the day, I know that I can depend on the power of yoga to keep me fit.

What is women empowerment and what do you want to see changed?

I believe that women empowerment is synonymous with freedom – the freedom to make choices independently and without fear of retaliation from society. Women empowerment is the ability to experience a journey through life equipped with the same opportunities as our counterparts. Women’s empowerment is the underlying foundation of a stronger society. When a woman is given the tools she needs to move forward towards success, she not only advances herself, but she also brings up the people around her. This is because women, by nature, are nurturers. If you support a woman, you support society. I would like to see more women recognizing their sense of self-worth and their power to make their own choices in life. It would also be good to see women in positions of power, supporting and encouraging other budding women in need of advice. If a woman can realize her power, she will be able to bring about a positive change in her life by seeking and utilizing opportunities to grow. We must educate and motivate women to take on more leadership positions and help them to identify their forte.

Talk to me about some of the topics we do not talk about in the Asian culture and is put under the carpet. Why is it that we should discuss these topics to move ahead?

Every misfortune in life stems from ignorance. Ignoring a problem only leads to the worsening of the situation. There are some topics in every culture that are swept under the carpet, including the Asian culture, with feminism being one of the most difficult topics for people to swallow. In traditionally patriarchal societies, many women in Asian culture are not allowed to seek out their own partner for marriage and are forced to agree to arranged marriages in their own caste/religion system. Many women are not allowed to work or seek higher education after marriage. Many women are not allowed to seek divorce if they are having domestic problems. Of course, I feel that certain progress is being made and it is good to see that awareness is gradually cropping up now. However, the continued ignorance of addressing these problems is still prevalent in some places, and it will lead to a future of more oppression for not only women but the people around them who are also affected by their inability to make decisions for themselves. In order to move ahead, we must not ignore situations that are deemed ‘taboo’ culturally. Raising awareness and creating healthy discussions on these topics is the first step towards moving ahead towards a healthier and stronger society.

Walk me through what you find attractive in a man, looks, charm, being sensitive, artist, writer, or someone who makes you laugh?

Attractive to me is someone who can make me laugh, as you mentioned. Life has so many twists and turns, but to be able to face it all with a smile is one of the biggest blessings. And having someone who can make that happen is even better. I believe that looks are temporary but inner beauty is something that stays forever. Someone who is supportive, empathetic, and attentive and has his own talents & hobbies that he can introduce me to and make me a part of – are other very attractive qualities. I am a simple woman and for me, simplicity is key. A nice laugh, a warm conversation, a beautiful walk on the beach during the sunset … these simple things are attractive to me.

Have you ever thought about your legacy and what do you want it to be?

Honestly, it is not something I have thought very deeply about. However, the broad picture that I have in mind describes my legacy as being of love, respect, and knowledge and wisdom that came from my life experiences. As a child, I was taught to always be kind and respect others. These qualities have been deep-rooted in me from the beginning, and I believe that I have managed to follow them completely. I decided to become a physician when I was in the third grade. Back then, I did not know what it took to become one, but I had seen an elderly couple suffering from a medical ailment, and I instantly wanted to erase their suffering. As I grew up, even though I realized that I could not end all suffering, I feel gratified to know that I have helped ease some, and that is very important to me. I would like to inspire people to help the underprivileged. I also hope that my poetry, which is my way of self-expression, become a part of my legacy.

Now that you have mentioned it, I am probably going to think further and overthink about my personal legacy, until I have got it right and satisfactory to myself.

My daughter is 16. Give her some advice on life, on men, on education, on career, and how to navigate life?

16 is a beautiful age. It is the time in our life where we are on the cusp of growing out of our childhood and experiencing life with a growing sense of maturity. My advice to her on life would be to make sure that first and foremost, she recognizes her goals in life. We all have a purpose in life and the sooner you identify it, the sooner you can start working towards it. Once you have decided what you want to do in life, I advise that you enjoy each moment. You and I will sadly never go back to being 16 again, but if we have enjoyed each moment from that age until now, we won’t feel the need to go back because we will have carried our moments and memories with us. My advice on men would be a little conservative in the sense that I would advise her to keep her eyes open, but not to make a decision to settle down until her education is complete. In the world we live in, a woman must be financially independent and self-reliant. As emotional beings, girls often get blinded by love early in life and it is important to tread the waters carefully and make decisions logically and not emotionally. Commitment to a man is a very important and meticulous decision and should be made with utmost care. I would tell her that navigating life is not that hard if you have a set of principles that you follow. You must always make decisions that are ethical and fair and you must never lose your smile. With these things in mind, life can be very beautiful.

The post A Doctor Appointment appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

As a society, we have to focus on youth mental health for our own future.

“I need help, I have a mental illness‘. That was the shriek from someone on Facebook, whom I have known for nearly three decades. Her husband had left her along with the kids.  For so many years, everything from the outside looked great. As a society, we focus so much on financial and physical health that we forget about mental and spiritual health. I talk to Jamie Weil about these issues, and in the first interview, we talk about her mission, vision, youth mental health, balance, and creating sacred spaces in our lives.

Jamie Weil lives in Cottonwood, California. She writes everywhere. She has identified as a writer since third grade, when her teacher sent her poem “Red” to the Record Searchlight, and they published it. She has written for the children’s educational market, the adult non-fiction market, and has worked as a journalist, second-grade teacher, and mom. Her YA novel, First Break, was released on World Mental Health Day, 10/10/18. Her second YA novel, “Intuition,” was published almost exactly a year later on 10/2/19. She is currently in post-production on the pilot episode of “A Crazy Thought,” a groundbreaking docuseries on youth mental health and suicide which she is creating with a team of amazing award-winning female filmmakers.

Jamie, I consider it an honor to have you on my blog. I want to know a little about you and your mission?

It’s an honor to be invited to your space, and especially via Twitter! Twitter has mystified me for so long as I’m standing in front of a wall saying random things in an attempted witty way and a bunch of other people who are doing the same. When I found the #writingcommunity, I felt a new level of connection, finally made a few friends, and I am happy to call you one of those. I love people, their stories, and feel connected to one humanity. Sure, sometimes that one humanity can feel like we’re in the room with that one uncle who drinks too much at Thanksgiving and spurts out off-color remarks, but the contrast makes each of us clearer about our own shadows. It’s a great teacher! I hold a vision for a world where we can deeply embrace each other’s unique differences and in so doing, widen our own understandings of ourselves and others.

I love your focus on empowering women. This touches my heart as it is a space to which I also feel such a strong pull. I understand the vital role allies as you play in what can be a very binary and lopsided world. Empowered women empower women and yet we are not evolutionarily at a place where enough women feel empowered for so many valid reasons. We need those evolved men like you who not only get it but do something about it. Giving women a voice is one very important space as we see so clearly in the Jeffrey Epstein documentary.

Both writing on paper and in film are key places for women to become empowered which is what draws me there. I can say things on paper or in visual media as a filmmaker that I can’t say as easily in other spaces as I was one of those young girls raised to keep quiet and mind my manners. At a very young age, I discovered that as long as I wrote and got good grades, I could say what I wanted. It was a freeing space for me. Stories became a way to find a voice.

When I answered a calling to tell multicultural stories about youth mental health, I attempted to assemble a crew of female film creators, no easy task for a variety of reasons. I felt it was important that women’s voices be heard in the capturing of the story because 95% of the cases I came across over the past 2 decades of children suffering from mental illness symptoms had women at the helm trying to figure out the solutions and suffering along with the children. When I taught elementary school in Los Angeles, 95% of the teacher K-8 were women and a few men teaching middle school. With the role of the Divine Feminine rising in this world, and an understanding for a need for that, it is visionary men like you that will escort that shift in and it will be a blessing for everybody. Along the way, it is very important to recognize it was evolved men who helped me make that happen.

Thank you for finding me and for inviting me to talk about my favorite subjects. I am so grateful.

Talk to me about how to live a happy life, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

I have so many ideas about this! I consciously and consistently rank my own four bodies (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional) on a scale from 1-10. As a licensed spiritual practitioner (on sabbatical because I really suck at anything that looks or feels religious while simultaneously loving pieces of all religions) I dove into thoughts in practitioner training about the best ways to serve the Divine who goes by many names. I’m a 20 year-long daily meditator and sit with the idea of how to bring the sunny to the world on a daily. How can I serve today? is a daily mantra. I start with myself, by ranking those four bodies and remaining conscious about what I need to work on in myself to bring others more joy. That’s really my endgame and it’s a selfish goal because giving people joy gives me joy and I like to live in the sunny. When we have a habit of pointing to external circumstances for the reasons we aren’t fulfilled, we miss the magic of the journey and the world around us. Nobody wins. Recently, Yale put their Principles of Well Being by Dr. Laurie Santos class online and I took it. There is so much science behind this idea that each day we find ourselves connecting to ourselves and other inconsistent practices.

And yet, there is value in every state we find ourselves. It’s not realistic to think every day will be unicorns and butterflies. People we love die. Pets die. We get sick. The world shuts down. Horrible abuse happens. Contrast is all around us and some days are just unbearably hard. Remembering everything changes and reaching out for help from others is key.

Happy, then, begins at home, inside each of us, and we start with those four bodies. Each is a pillar that holds us up, and if one is off, we struggle. The weakest one for me is the physical and so I am consistently setting goals in that area while being very careful not to shame myself along the way. I think that’s key, the no shaming part. We need to give ourselves grace. We are in this Earth School to learn to walk and when we’re done, well, we’re done for this time. Not being done is part of the thing. The journey is the best part and we need to be our best cheerleader. I love the late Louise Hay’s mirror work for this where you look in the mirror and, with heartfelt feeling, say “I love you. I really, really love you.”

It’s all about balance. On my website in the right corner is a picture of a rock I have had for decades that says “balance.” My oldest son, now 32, came home from high school when he was 14, ran out back, and stuck that rock between his feet. He took a picture to remind himself of the importance of balance in his life and I see that value present in both my sons’ lives to this day. This was especially poignant as he was in the middle of a break with bipolar disorder, seeking a space of energetic (and chemical) balance where he felt he could stay alive. The balance was literally a matter of life and death. A balance between work and play. A balance between self and other. A balance in your four bodies. A balance between giving and receiving. Balance.

I appreciate that you are an advocate for youth mental health. Please talk to me about it?

Another favorite subject of mine is youth mental health!

When my oldest son was in 4^th grade, he began to show symptoms that confused me. I could tell he was unhappy, but it was beyond that. Simultaneously, I was teaching second grade in Southern California. Teaching was a second career and I had several students that were struggling with symptoms I had never seen or learned about in my Master’s program or anywhere else. This began a long journey of educating myself on what was happening and how I could help. We eventually received a diagnosis of bipolar illness, but it was very long, unnecessarily painful, and massively upsetting for everyone. I vowed I would do what I could to make the journey easier on other parents and kids, many of whom were coming to me in secret too afraid (ashamed) to tell anyone what was happening. I saw a very similar pattern that abused women feel when they don’t feel they can get help.

I used my writing to reach out. First, I began blogging in the early 2000s. Simultaneously, I started a young adult novel called First Break which was finally published by All Things That Matter Press on World Mental Health Day in 2018. That was an amazing day for me because my son and his wife, both university professors now, were able to do some great research and help me put resources in place that would speak multiculturally to transitional youth 14-26 and their parents and teachers. Having that first-person POV novel of a 17-year-old stepping onto a college campus and having the first break was a way to understand through story an experience that confused us and caused years of pain. My hope is that novel will be used in middle school classrooms to educate the next generation and prevent the many years of pain that do not have to happen.

In 2017, after two decades of print articles, books, and community service, I felt a calling to use visual media to make a change. I was frustrated by all the distraught parents and children I saw needlessly suffering, many in silence. They were missing their entire childhoods. I set out to make a documentary, but there was only one problem: I wasn’t a filmmaker and had never been to film school. Reinventing myself was something I’d done before, though, so I set out to answer this calling. To date, we have a pilot, a plan, two shorts, a ton of great footage in the can, and no money to finish that docuseries. It turns out it takes much more money to create a visual media production than it does to write a book. Though we did win a crowdfunding effort (it was awful, by the way!) to fund the pilot, I discovered fundraising is just not my jam.

I love the title of your book Chasing Sacred Spaces. I am learning to become intentional in creating space. Walk me through your book and what is it all about?

Thank you so much for that because that is a title that came to me in a dream, but someone had questioned it which made me question it. I’ve been waiting for the Universe to weigh in and you just did that for me!

This is such an interesting project for me, indeed a sacred space itself, and unlike any project, I’ve ever done. First, I wrote this as a download from the Divine. I did what I do when I blog. I meditate and pray, “Use me to tell the stories that the readers who find their way to me need to read to make their lives better and happier.” When I did this in my blogging world, I would consistently have people tell me what I said was exactly what they needed so I felt like it was working. That went on for several decades. However, with First Break and later Intuition, both YA novels, I wrote more from my head as I had learned to do at UCLA in coursework. With Chasing Sacred Spaces, I sat down and wrote this in a weekend. It’s my first book in the mind/body/spirit genre and it’s the first book I’m going to self-publish. That will come out in October 2020.

The part of what you say, being intentional about creating sacred space, is so present in this book, but as one of my life threads is clearly being in the room with mental illness and suicide, this finds its way in a bit. (I was surprised because I honestly was attempting to take a break from this theme.) What became clear is that we each want peace and happiness, and we look for that in so many places the world has told us to look. Then the world shuts down and now what? We’re back to spot where we started above, looking inside ourselves, in our own worlds, and really honestly seeing ourselves. In the spiritual circles I find myself, I feel that lots of spiritual bypassing goes on in an effort to avoid the pain, but in dodging that we make it worse. The book is an assortment of stories that flowed through as a response to the “what will really help my readers in their own lives” prompt. I’m currently in the rewriting process which is always harder than the initial writing.

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