That’s a deep question: How do you find the right church?

Churches have become commodified—focused on branding, entertainment, and attracting “customers” rather than fostering genuine spiritual growth.

In the last nine months, I have received more emails, calls, texts, and Facebook messages regarding the above question.

Choosing a church is a significant decision that can impact your spiritual growth, sense of community, and overall well-being.

In 2004, I had just moved to the Durham Region. I found Sanctus in Ajax. Sanctus changed my life. Sanctus’s preaching was biblically sound and Christ-centered.  The worship style was contemporary which made an instant connection with me. The sermons were engaging, meaningful, and applicable to me. The focus was on leading a holistic life led by the Holy Spirit. Jesus was the focus of everything they did. They had small groups.

The transparency and accountability of Sanctus was amazing. The leadership structure was clear with a Biblical accountability. The integrity in finances, governance, and decision-making was impeccable. The mission and vision were evangelism, community service, discipleship, and mentoring.

The youth program was unbelievable. My daughter never wanted to leave.

The board was humble and as a member, we had meetings every quarter.

As I looked around at the membership the head of TTC, the VP from a Canadian bank, Professors from Tyndale, entrepreneurs and a vibrant community.

Sanctus has four sites and 5000 people in attendance in 2025.

It was hard to leave after 18 years and the hunt for a new church in the Niagara Escarpment began.

The first thing you need to know to find the right church is that Christianity is not a spectator sport. You will not benefit if you come only on Sunday and leave right after service. You need to become intentional in serving, joining a small group, and inviting people to your home.

The second fact you need to be aware of is that you cannot be a consumer in Christianity.

Finally, the church is full of broken, messed-up people who are looking for help.

For my emotional well-being and spiritual growth it was important to find the right church that was safe and healthy. I have listed some key indicators of a safe and healthy church.

Biblical Teaching & Theology

Church doctrine is extremely important because it defines the core beliefs and teachings of a faith community. It provides a foundation for understanding God, salvation, morality, and the purpose of life. The teaching should align with the Bible, encouraging faith, love and grace. To find the right church make sure that beliefs remain consistent with Scripture and historical teachings, preventing misinterpretation or deviation from core Christian principles. Christ, not a leader or tradition, is the center of teaching, worship, and mission.

The doctrine helps believers know how to live according to God’s will, shaping their worldview, ethics, and daily decisions. Shared doctrine unites believers, preventing confusion and division while fostering a sense of community and purpose. Doctrine safeguards against heresies and misleading ideologies that could distort the faith.

However, it’s also important to balance doctrine with love and grace. While firm beliefs are necessary, rigid legalism without compassion can drive people away. A healthy church upholds sound doctrine while living out Christ’s love. A healthy church also uses exegesis, hermeneutics and stays away from proof texting when looking at scripture.

Authentic Leadership who are accountable

When a church leader walks authentically, it fosters trust, unity, and a thriving spiritual environment. An authentic leader lives out Christian principles both privately and publicly and demonstrates a lifestyle of service, forgiveness, prayer and generosity. To find the right church look for leadership who preach but also embody it. The leader is transparent and accepts that he does not have all the answers. She listens actively, values feedback and avoids manipulation or control. She prioritizes people over programs and status.

An authentic leader handles criticism and conflict with grace and surrounds themselves with a team for spiritual, financial and ethical accountability.

Financial Transparency & Stewardship

The church should have open financial reporting with members in meeting or bulletins. The budget should show how funds are allocated to mission, salaries, community outreach and building maintenance. Members

Members can request and review financial documents without resistance or secrecy. A group should oversee spending, budgeting and accountability. Elders or a board of trustees should provide oversight and approval for major expenses or changes. The spending aligns with the mission and vision of the church such as caring for the poor, supporting ministries, and maintaining the facility responsibly.

Finally staff are paid fairly in a way that honors their work. An authentic leader will talk about giving from a Biblical perspective not obligation or manipulation.

A lack of transparency or a culture where financial questions are unwelcome is a red flag.

The Atmosphere

Does the church welcome everyone, regardless of background, lifestyle, past mistakes or appearances. Is grace and support offered openly or the focus more on condemnation and rules? Is sin looked at a pathway to transformation, or does it create fear and shame? Are differing viewpoints encouraged and or just shut down.

Does the church offer room for growth and second chances, or is there a culture of legalism and perfectionism?

Community & Fellowship

In finding the right church the congregation has to be warm and welcoming. There needs to be opportunities to connect through small groups or various ministries. A safe and healthy church encourages strong relationships among its members.

Mission & Outreach

A healthy and safe church should have a strong commitment to evangelism and community service. You need to check if there are missions, local outreach, and service opportunities. The church needs to have discipleship and mentoring in its DNA.

Family & Youth Programs

A safe church has a intergenerational component to it. There are programs for children, teens, and young adults. There needs to be resources and support for families. If the church does not have answers then they refer the members to counseling.

A healthy church needs to have a strong emphasis on raising the next generation in faith?

Prayer & Spiritual Growth

A church that focuses on prayer and dependance on God, that encourages personal holiness and growth in faith is the right church.

Size & Location

Do you prefer a small, intimate church or a large congregation? Is the church easily accessible from your home? Does the church provide online services if needed?

Peace & Confirmation from God

The church that we found, we were at peace and led by the Holy Spirit to be there.  The contemplative approach helped me to grow closer to Christ and where my family is thriving spiritually.

Examples of safe churches and Pastors

I have known Dave Adams for more than two decades. He has pastored at Grindstone and Sanctus. Dave worked in the corporate world and has a great sense of humor and an amazing family.

I have know Jonathan Manafo for more than two decades. He is the founder of The Village. I have asked him some of the toughest questions about life. He has been through so many challenges but his faith never fails.

I have known Kevin Robbins for 35 years. A humble man with a great family. He has faced many challenges but has overcome with his deep faith.

In the last three years no pastor has helped me more than Matt Pamplin. Just an outstanding man.

Good luck in finding the right church and reach out to me if you are looking for a safe church in your area.

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Finding peace in a chaotic world of 24/7, hustle culture, always on the treadmill, political instability, and destination syndrome can be challenging.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, humility, authenticity, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.

These qualities are valued because they contribute positively to interpersonal relationships and society. They foster environments where understanding, cooperation, and harmony are more likely to flourish. Cultivating these traits can lead to a more peaceful and productive coexistence, and indeed, there are no laws against such virtues because they universally promote social good. They transcend cultural and legal boundaries, highlighting a shared human aspiration towards a kinder and more compassionate society.

What is Peace

Peace is a state of harmony, calmness, and the absence of conflict—both externally in the world and internally within oneself. Finding peace in a chaotic world can mean different things in various contexts:

Personal Peace – A sense of inner tranquility, contentment, and freedom from stress or anxiety by creating boundaries.

Social Peace – The absence of conflict or violence in relationships, communities, or societies.

Global Peace – The absence of war and conflict between nations, promoting cooperation, justice, and mutual respect.

Spiritual Peace – A deep sense of fulfillment, connection, and alignment with one’s beliefs or purpose.

Finding peace in a chaotic world comes from understanding, acceptance, and the ability to navigate challenges with wisdom rather than hostility. Consider how wisdom can help us find peace in a chaotic world. I have listed a lot of soul-searching questions. If you want to find peace answer them truthfully.

Personal Peace

Personal peace is an inner state of calm, balance, and contentment, regardless of external circumstances. It means being free from excessive stress, fear, or internal conflict and feeling emotionally, mentally, and spiritually grounded.

Self-Acceptance – Have you accepted yourself including your strengths and flaws? Are you always comparing yourself to others? Are you always looking at social media and realizing your life does not match those of influencers? Are you leading an authentic life?

Emotional Stability – What would your friends, family, and co-workers say regarding your emotions? Are you emotionally intelligent? Is anger, bitterness, resentment, or anxiety controlling your emotions?

Mindfulness and Presence: Are you living in the moment and grateful, or are you focusing on the past and worrying about the future?

Forgiveness – Forgiveness has to be a key part of achieving peace. Letting go of grudges and resentments lightens your emotional burden.

Purpose & Meaning – Define your why. Align everything you do with your values and purpose in life.

Healthy Boundaries – Protect yourself and your mental and emotional well-being from negativity and toxic influences.

Finding peace in a chaotic world does not mean avoiding challenges but rather handling them with clarity and resilience. It’s a journey, not a destination.

Social Peace

Finding social peace in chaotic times requires continuous effort from individuals, communities, and governments. It starts with personal peace but extends to how we interact with others. I am going to focus on the effort of the individual.

Respect & Tolerance – Do you respect and tolerate those who think and act differently from you? Do you treat them with dignity? Do your social media posts reflect love, grace, and mercy?

Justice & Fairness – Do your actions reflect and ensure equality, human rights, and social justice for all? Are you honest and transparent even if it is inconvenient? Are you treating everyone equally irrespective of race, gender, religion, or social status?

Conflict Resolution – Deal with disputes through dialogue, negotiation, or mediation instead of violence. Come with an open mind. Listen to understand rather than speak. Find common ground for understanding. Define the problem, look at options, and see if a compromise is possible. The most important factor is that you have to be patient and practice empathy and self-control.

Global Peace

Global peace is a state of harmony among nations and people in which conflicts are resolved through diplomacy and cooperation rather than violence or war.

As individuals, we do have a role to play by voting. We need to protect freedom, equality, and dignity for all people and focus on respecting diverse beliefs, traditions, and ways of life.

Global peace is not just the absence of war; it is the presence of justice, opportunity, and mutual respect.

Spiritual Peace

Spiritual peace is a deep sense of inner harmony, fulfillment, and connection with something greater than oneself. It goes beyond external circumstances and is rooted in faith, purpose, and a sense of belonging in the universe.

Inner Calm & Tranquility – Are you at peace regardless of life’s challenges?  Peace does not mean the absence of struggles but having God’s presence in the midst of them. Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Connection with a Higher Power – Do you find strength and guidance through faith or spirituality? Shalom is more than just the absence of conflict; it represents completeness, wholeness, and harmony. The Talmud says that peace is so important that even truth can be set aside to preserve it (Yevamot 65b).

Purpose & Meaning – Do you know your role in life and feel aligned with a greater purpose? The Upanishads suggest that true peace is achieved when individuals align themselves with the universal order (Rta).

Gratitude & Contentment – Are you appreciating life and finding joy in the present moment? Gratitude transcends cultures, religions, and philosophies, making it a universal spiritual quality.

Compassion & Love – Are you embracing kindness and seeing others with understanding and empathy? Islam recognizes diversity and encourages peaceful coexistence: “O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.” (Quran 49:13).

Peace is essential for a society to thrive because it fosters stability, prosperity, and overall well-being.

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Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, humility, authenticity, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.

These qualities are valued because they contribute positively to interpersonal relationships and society. They foster environments where understanding, cooperation, and harmony are more likely to flourish. Cultivating these traits can lead to a more peaceful and productive coexistence, and indeed, there are no laws against such virtues because they universally promote social good. They transcend cultural and legal boundaries, highlighting a shared human aspiration towards a kinder and more compassionate society.

Over the next few weeks, I will focus on these universal qualities and see how they can empower us to be better human beings.

QUOTES ABOUT PATIENCE

Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.  – Joyce Meyer

A man who is a master of patience is a master of everything else. – George Savile

Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character. – Heraclitus

WHAT IS PATIENCE

Patience is the ability to endure difficult circumstances, delay gratification, or tolerate inconvenience without becoming annoyed or upset. It involves self-control, perseverance, and the capacity to remain calm and composed, even in the face of frustration, adversity, or prolonged waiting. Patience is a virtue in many cultures and is often associated with wisdom, maturity, and emotional intelligence. It allows individuals to make thoughtful decisions, maintain harmonious relationships, and achieve long-term goals despite short-term challenges.

WHY IS PATIENCE AN IMPORTANT QUALITY TO HAVE

Patience is an essential virtue that impacts various aspects of our lives positively.  It allows us to take the time needed to gather all relevant information and consider possible outcomes before making decisions. This leads to better choices and reduces the likelihood of mistakes driven by haste.

In personal and professional relationships, patience helps us to listen attentively and respond more thoughtfully. It fosters understanding, reduces conflict, and builds stronger, more empathetic connections with others.

Practicing patience can reduce stress and anxiety. It helps manage frustrations and anger, leading to a calmer and more balanced state of mind. This contributes to overall emotional well-being.

Achieving long-term goals requires perseverance, and patience is a critical component of this. It helps us stay committed to our objectives despite obstacles and delays, leading to greater success and personal satisfaction.

Patience is crucial in learning new skills or acquiring knowledge. It encourages us to take the time to practice, make mistakes, and gradually improve. This leads to a deeper and more thorough understanding of the subject matter.

When faced with challenges, patience allows us to think through problems methodically and develop more effective solutions. It prevents the rash decisions that often come from impatience.

Patience encourages self-discipline and resilience. It helps to accept that not everything will happen according to our timetable and that some things are beyond our control. This acceptance leads to personal growth and maturity.

WHERE DOES PATIENCE IMPACT THE COMMUNITY AROUND YOU

Using patience to make a difference in the community involves several key practices that can help build stronger, more cohesive, and supportive environments.

Practice Empathy: Listen to others without interrupting, and try to understand their perspectives and feelings. This shows respect and builds trust.

Ask Questions: Show genuine interest in others’ concerns and ideas. This can help clarify misunderstandings and foster deeper connections.

Stay Calm: Approach conflicts with a calm and composed demeanor. This helps de-escalate tensions and allows for more constructive conversations.

Seek Win-Win Solutions: Focus on finding solutions that benefit all parties involved, rather than just winning an argument.

Be Encouraging: Support others’ efforts and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. This boosts morale and encourages continued participation.

Commit to Long-Term Goals: Community projects often take time to bear fruit. Stay committed, even when progress seems slow.

Welcome Diversity: Be patient with differences and encourage inclusivity. This creates a more welcoming and supportive environment for everyone.

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN PATIENCE AND SPIRITUALITY

The connection is profound and multifaceted, with patience often considered a fundamental virtue in many spiritual traditions.

Patience is closely linked to the practice of mindfulness and maintaining inner peace. Spirituality often involves cultivating a state of calm and awareness, which requires patience.

Many spiritual teachings emphasize the importance of acceptance and surrender to a higher power or the flow of life. Patience is essential in developing this acceptance, as it allows individuals to trust in the process and timing of life, rather than forcing outcomes or becoming frustrated with delays and obstacles.

Patience fosters compassion and understanding, both towards oneself and others. In spiritual contexts, this is crucial for developing empathy and loving-kindness, which are often key components of spiritual growth and moral development.

Spirituality often involves a journey of personal growth and self-discovery. Patience is vital in this journey, as growth and transformation usually occur gradually. Pat

Patience is also related to the spiritual practice of non-attachment. In Hinduism and Buddhism, non-attachment to outcomes and desires is crucial for achieving inner peace and enlightenment. Patience helps individuals let go of the need for immediate gratification and accept life’s unfolding with equanimity.

PATIENCE FROM A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

From a biblical perspective, patience is a significant and recurring theme throughout the scriptures. It is seen as a virtue that reflects trust in God’s timing and sovereignty and is an essential aspect of the Christian character.

In the New Testament, it is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Job is often cited as a model of patience. Despite intense suffering and loss, he remained steadfast in his faith. James 5:11 states, “As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”

Abraham is another example, who waited many years to fulfill God’s promise that he would have a son. Hebrews 6:15 says, “And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.”

The Bible encourages believers to be patient during trials and sufferings, as these experiences develop perseverance and strengthen faith. James 1:2-4 advises, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Christians are called to embody patience in their relationships and conduct. Ephesians 4:2 urges, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Colossians 3:12-13 encourages believers to clothe themselves with patience: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

In summary, patience in the Bible is deeply connected to faith, perseverance, and trust in God.

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Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, humility, authenticity, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.

These qualities are valued because they contribute positively to interpersonal relationships and society. They foster environments where understanding, cooperation, and harmony are more likely to flourish. Cultivating these traits can lead to a more peaceful and productive coexistence, and indeed, there are no laws against such virtues because they universally promote social good. They transcend cultural and legal boundaries, highlighting a shared human aspiration towards a kinder and more compassionate society.

Over the next few weeks, I will focus on these universal qualities and see how they can empower us to be better human beings.

Quotes about Joy

Joy is not in things; it is in us. —Richard Wagner

Some give with joy, and that joy is their reward. —Khalil Gibran

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are. —Marianne Williamson

What is Joy

It is a positive emotional state characterized by happiness, contentment, and fulfillment. It is considered one of the most profound and uplifting emotions humans can experience. It can arise from various sources such as achieving a personal goal, experiencing something beautiful or amusing, connecting deeply with others, or even internal reflections and achievements.

Unlike fleeting pleasures, joy often has a more enduring and deeply satisfying quality. It can also be contagious, enhancing the well-being of others around the joyful individual. In psychological terms, experiencing joy can have numerous benefits, including reducing stress, improving immune function, and enhancing overall life satisfaction.

Difference Between Joy and Happiness

Happiness and joy are positive emotions that contribute to our overall well-being but often differ in their sources, duration, and depth.

Happiness is generally considered a broader, more enduring state often linked to circumstances, external factors, and achieving personal or societal goals. It can result from experiencing regular positive emotions, maintaining satisfying relationships, and personal fulfillment. Happiness is often described in the context of life satisfaction, feeling good, and having one’s desires met.

Joy is usually described as a more intense, but often brief, burst of emotion prompted by an exceptionally positive event or experience.  It can be felt during moments of achievement, spiritual experiences, or while engaging in activities that deeply fulfill. It is associated with a sense of profound gratitude or connection, sometimes to a degree that transcends personal circumstances.

In essence, while happiness can be understood as a more consistent state or an overarching quality of life, joy is more about sudden, intense peaks of positive emotion. It can be a component of happiness, but it can also arise independently of one’s general state of happiness.

Why is Joy Important

Joy is a profound aspect of human experience that plays several crucial roles in our lives. It helps to counterbalance the stress and challenges of everyday life. Experiencing moments of happiness or joy can provide a necessary break from the negative emotions that can otherwise overwhelm us. It has been linked to various physical health benefits. These include reduced stress hormones, lower blood pressure, improved immune function, and potentially even longer lifespan.

Joyful states promote relaxation and can help mitigate the effects of stress on the body.  These social connections are vital for emotional support and can provide a sense of belonging and community. Joy contributes positively to mental health by enhancing resilience. It enables people to recover more quickly from setbacks and reduces the risk of conditions such as depression and anxiety.

It enriches life’s experiences, providing immediate pleasures and long-term benefits to our well-being. This makes cultivating it an important endeavor in one’s life journey.

How to use it to impact the community around you

Joy not only enhances our own lives but can also profoundly impact others and the broader community.

It is contagious. Maintaining a joyful demeanor can lift the spirits of those around you. This positive energy can increase morale and motivation, encouraging others to act kindly and compassionately.

Joyful interactions create bonds between people. Sharing your happiness encourages social connections and builds empathetic and supportive communities. These networks can become platforms for collective action on social issues.

Being joyful even in challenging times can inspire resilience in others. Your example can teach people that despite difficulties, finding moments of happiness can provide the strength needed to persevere and overcome obstacles.

Art and culture are powerful expressions of joy that can raise awareness, change perspectives, and inspire action. Through music, painting, writing, or dancing, creating art that expresses joy can touch hearts and mobilize change.

The connection between joy and spirituality

Joy and spirituality are deeply intertwined, with each element enriching the other.

Spirituality is a direct source of joy. Spiritual practices and beliefs can provide a sense of purpose, connection, and understanding that contributes to well-being and happiness. Whether meditation, prayer, rituals, or community worship, these practices can elevate one’s mood and bring about a joyful state of being.

Spirituality often offers tools and perspectives that help individuals cope with life’s challenges. Spiritual beliefs can provide comfort, hope, and stability when facing difficulties. This resilience contributes to a sustained sense of joy, even in less-than-joyful circumstances, by offering a broader perspective on life’s ups and downs.

Spirituality often encourages the pursuit of inner peace and contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. This inner serenity is a crucial aspect of joy that is more steady and enduring than the fleeting happiness derived from material or superficial sources.

Spiritual paths often emphasize personal growth and transformation. Becoming more self-aware and developing virtues such as compassion, patience, and gratitude can lead to profound joy. This is often described as a deeper, more fulfilling type of happiness compared to more superficial pleasures.

Joy from a Biblical perspective

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Unconditional love for friends refers to a deep and genuine affection between friends that remains steadfast and unwavering, regardless of circumstances, flaws, or differences. It involves accepting and supporting your friends for who they are, without imposing conditions or expectations.

Welcome to my series on unconditional love and how it empowers you. I will be writing about unconditional love in friendships, parenting, work, and from a Biblical perspective.

There are a few friends with whom I have been having breakfast or lunch once a month for three decades. The reason we have remained friends is because there is a bond and an unconditional love based on acceptance, being non-judgmental, supporting one another, forgiving, being authentic, practicing empathy, and loyalty, communicating often, and giving each other space.

Acceptance

Unconditional love in friendship involves accepting your friends with all their strengths and weaknesses. It means embracing their uniqueness and not trying to change them to fit a particular mold.

Non-Judgmental

True friendship is non-judgmental. Unconditional love allows friends to make mistakes, be vulnerable, and share their struggles without fear of harsh judgment.

Support

Friends who love each other unconditionally offer support during both good times and challenging moments. Whether celebrating successes or providing a shoulder to lean on during tough times, this kind of friendship is a source of unwavering support.

Forgiveness

In unconditional friendships, forgiveness plays a crucial role. Everyone makes mistakes, and unconditional love allows friends to forgive and move forward without holding grudges.

Authenticity

Unconditional love encourages authenticity. Friends can be themselves without the fear of rejection. This authenticity fosters a deep sense of trust and connection.

Empathy

Understanding and empathizing with your friend’s feelings and experiences contribute to unconditional love. It involves being there for them emotionally and showing empathy in times of joy or sorrow.

Loyalty

Unconditional love in friendship involves loyalty, and standing by your friend’s side through thick and thin. It means being reliable and trustworthy and building a strong foundation for the relationship.

Communication

Open and honest communication is crucial in maintaining unconditional love in friendship. Friends should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of being misunderstood.

Space and Independence

Unconditional love recognizes the importance of individual growth and independence. It allows friends to pursue their interests and personal development without feeling threatened.

Longevity

Unconditional love stands the test of time. It is a friendship that endures despite the inevitable changes and challenges life may bring.

Developing and maintaining unconditional love in friendships requires effort, understanding, and a willingness to invest in the well-being of the relationship. It is a two-way street where both friends contribute to creating a supportive and loving bond that can withstand the trials of life.

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Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Agape unconditional love is selfless and sacrificial love emphasizing the well-being and benefit of others without expecting anything in return. Agape is a Greek word that appears in the New Testament of the Bible, particularly in Christian theology. Agape love is considered the highest form of love in Christianity and is often associated with the nature of God’s love.

In Christian teachings, agape love is contrasted with other types of love, such as eros (romantic love) and philia (brotherly love). While eros and philia are more focused on personal affection and mutual feelings, agape love transcends personal feelings and is directed towards the welfare and good of others, even in the absence of reciprocal emotions.

The concept of agape love is central to Christian ethics and morality, emphasizing the importance of loving one’s neighbor, showing compassion, and forgiveness, and demonstrating a selfless attitude. The idea is rooted in the teachings of Jesus Christ, who exemplified agape love through his life, teachings, and ultimately, his sacrificial death on the cross for the redemption of humanity.

Welcome to my series on unconditional love that empowers you. I will be writing on unconditional love in friendships, parenting, work, and from a Biblical perspective.

In Christianity, the concept of agape unconditional love is closely tied to the teachings of Jesus Christ. The Bible emphasizes the importance of love in various passages, with one of the most famous being the commandment given by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV) ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The idea of unconditional love is rooted in the notion that Christians are called to love God wholeheartedly and to extend that love to others, regardless of circumstances or conditions. Unconditional love involves selflessness, forgiveness, compassion, and grace. It goes beyond mere emotions and is often considered an action or a choice rather than a feeling.

The Apostle Paul, in his letters to various early Christian communities, also expounds on the significance of love. In 1 Corinthians 13, he describes love as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeping no record of wrongs. This passage is often referred to as the “love chapter” and provides a comprehensive understanding of the nature of love, emphasizing its enduring and selfless qualities.

I have been going to church my whole life in different cities and countries. From my experience, I am going to share what I have experienced and how we can practice agape unconditional love as Christians and in the Church.

I am going to talk about how to love yourself unconditionally, how to love those in your congregation, and then how to love your neighbor.

Love yourself unconditionally

Loving yourself unconditionally means accepting and embracing all aspects of who you are without judgment or criticism. It involves recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, celebrating your successes, and acknowledging your mistakes, without attaching your self-worth solely to external achievements or opinions.

Unconditional self-love goes beyond superficial aspects and acknowledges your intrinsic value as a person. It involves treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and understanding, especially during challenging times. Instead of constantly seeking external validation, individuals who love themselves unconditionally find a sense of worth from within.

This doesn’t mean ignoring personal growth or improvement; rather, it involves approaching self-improvement with a positive and nurturing mindset. It allows for acknowledging imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, without letting them define your sense of self.

Practicing self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are essential components of unconditional self-love. It’s a continuous journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, fostering a deep sense of contentment and well-being irrespective of external circumstances.

After you learn to love yourself, you have to love the church itself. Christianity is not a spectator sport. You have to get involved and not approach it as a consumer. You have to start serving others in the church with your time, skills, and resources to support and uplift the community.

Volunteer for Ministry Roles

Volunteering at a church can be a rewarding way to contribute to your community and connect with others who share similar values. Here are some steps you can take to volunteer at a church:

Identify your skills, gifts, and interests: Consider what skills and talents you have, as well as what areas of the church’s activities interest you the most. Churches often have a variety of volunteer opportunities, ranging from music and worship to community outreach, greeting, making coffee, reading, set up, administrative tasks, and more.

Attend services and events: Regular attendance at church services and events will help you become familiar with the community and the specific needs they have. It’s also a great way to meet people and express your interest in volunteering. You have to develop roots and be involved.

Reach out to church leadership: Speak to the pastor, clergy, or church leaders about your desire to volunteer. They can provide information on current volunteer opportunities, ongoing projects, and specific needs within the community.

Check bulletin boards or websites: Many churches have bulletin boards or websites where they post information about volunteer opportunities. This can be a great way to find out about specific needs and events.

Join small groups or committees: Many churches have small groups or committees focused on various aspects of church life, such as music, outreach, education, or social justice. Joining one of these groups can be an excellent way to get involved and contribute to the community. This provides an opportunity for deeper relationships and mutual support within the church community.

Attend volunteer orientation: Some churches may have orientation sessions or training for new volunteers. Attending these sessions can provide you with more information about the church’s mission, values, and specific volunteer roles.

Start small: If you’re unsure about where to start, consider volunteering for a small task or event to get a feel for the community and its needs. This can be a stepping stone to more significant involvement.

Help with Outreach Programs: Get involved in outreach programs that serve the local community. This could include organizing food drives, clothing donations, or participating in community service projects.

Prayer Ministry: Participate in or lead prayer groups within the church. This can involve praying for specific needs within the congregation, the community, or global concerns.

Mentorship and Discipleship: Offer mentorship or discipleship to newer members of the church, helping them grow in their faith and understanding of the church community.

Hospital and Home Visits: Visit those who are sick, elderly, or unable to attend church. Providing companionship, prayer, and practical assistance can be a meaningful way to serve.

Financial Support: Contribute financially to the church, supporting its various ministries and outreach efforts. Regular giving helps sustain the church’s mission and activities.

Encouragement and Support: Be intentional about encouraging and supporting fellow church members. Simple acts of kindness, such as sending a note or offering a helping hand, can make a significant impact.

Be consistent and reliable: Once you start volunteering, strive to be consistent and reliable in your commitments. This will help you build trust within the community and make a more meaningful contribution.

Remember that each church community is unique, so the process may vary. The key is to express your interest, be open to opportunities, and find a way to contribute that aligns with your skills and passions.

From a leadership perspective to create a culture of agape unconditional love, the following points should be noted and created in the DNA of the church.

Emphasize Inclusivity

Ensure that the church community is welcoming and inclusive. Create an atmosphere where people feel accepted and valued, regardless of their differences.

Open Communication

Encourage open and honest communication. Provide opportunities for individuals to express their thoughts, concerns, and experiences without fear of judgment.

Empathy and Compassion

Foster a culture of empathy and compassion. Encourage members to understand and share in the joys and struggles of others, demonstrating a genuine concern for their well-being.

Forgiveness

Promote forgiveness as a central tenet. Encourage members to forgive and seek reconciliation, emphasizing the transformative power of forgiveness in fostering a culture of love.

Service and Outreach

Engage in acts of service and outreach to the wider community. Demonstrating love through actions, such as volunteering, supporting those in need, and participating in community projects, can strengthen the bonds of unconditional love within the church.

Biblical Teaching

Emphasize teachings from the Bible that focus on love, acceptance, and compassion. Share passages that highlight the importance of treating others with kindness and understanding.

Small Group Support

Establish small groups within the church where individuals can connect on a more personal level. This provides a space for deeper relationships, mutual support, and a sense of belonging.

Educational Programs

Offer programs that promote understanding and tolerance. This can include seminars, workshops, or study groups that address issues related to diversity, inclusion, and unconditional love.

Model agape Unconditional Love

Church leaders and members should strive to model unconditional love in their own lives. By practicing what is preached, leaders set an example for the rest of the congregation.

Celebrate Diversity

Acknowledge and celebrate the diversity within the church community. Recognize the unique gifts, talents, and perspectives that each member brings, fostering an appreciation for differences.

Conflict Resolution

Establish effective mechanisms for resolving conflicts within the church. Encourage a spirit of reconciliation and provide resources for individuals to navigate disagreements lovingly and constructively.

By actively incorporating these practices into the church culture, individuals can work together to create a community that reflects the principles of unconditional love as espoused by Christian teachings.

The post Agape Unconditional Love appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Empowered unconditional love refers to a type of love that is not based upon specific conditions or qualities, leaving you stronger and more confident in controlling your life. Empowered unconditional love is a selfless and all-encompassing form of love that is not dependent on the recipient meeting certain expectations or criteria. Empowered unconditional love in relationships implies accepting and caring for someone regardless of their flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

Welcome to my series on unconditional love that empowers you. I will be writing on unconditional love in friendships, parenting, work, and from a Biblical perspective.

Loving unconditionally can be a powerful source of personal empowerment. When you practice unconditional love, it contributes to your empowerment:

Fortifies your emotional well-being

Empower unconditional love to fortify your emotional well-being as it fosters positive emotions and reduces negative ones. When you love without expecting anything in return, you free yourself from the disappointments and frustrations associated with unmet expectations.

Increases your resilience

Unconditional love allows you to accept and embrace imperfections, both in yourself and others. This mindset fosters resilience, as you become more adaptable and less affected by setbacks or challenges.

Promotes better relationships

Loving unconditionally promotes healthier relationships. When you accept others as they are, without judgment or the need to change them, it creates an environment of trust and understanding. This, in turn, strengthens your connections with others.

Boosts personal growth

Unconditional love involves continuous self-reflection and personal growth. It requires you to examine your own biases, prejudices, and insecurities, leading to a deeper understanding of yourself and others.

cultivates inner peace

By letting go of expectations and attachments, you cultivate inner peace. Unconditional love encourages a sense of tranquility because your emotional state is not dependent on external factors or others meeting specific conditions.

Makes you empathetic and compassionate

Unconditional love involves empathy and compassion. As you develop these qualities, you become more attuned to the needs and feelings of others. This heightened awareness not only strengthens your relationships but also contributes to your sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Freedom from Judgment:

Loving unconditionally means refraining from passing judgment on others. This freedom from judgment allows you to appreciate diversity and recognize the unique qualities that make each person special.

Altruistic Satisfaction:

Acts of unconditional love often involve giving and helping others without expecting anything in return. This altruistic mindset can bring a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose, contributing to your overall well-being.

Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills:

When faced with challenges, those who practice unconditional love are often better equipped to find constructive solutions. They approach problems with a positive mindset and are more likely to seek resolutions that benefit everyone involved.

Authenticity and Self-Expression:

Embracing unconditional love encourages authenticity. As you express your true self without fear of judgment, you empower yourself to live a more genuine and fulfilling life.

To become empowered by loving unconditionally, it’s essential to cultivate these qualities intentionally. This process may involve self-reflection, mindfulness practices, and a commitment to personal growth. By incorporating unconditional love into your daily life, you can experience a profound transformation in your overall well-being and empowerment.

While the idea of unconditional love is often considered noble and idealistic, its practical application can vary. In reality, most relationships involve some level of conditions and boundaries. It’s important to strike a balance between being supportive and understanding while also maintaining healthy boundaries for oneself.

Realism and Boundaries: While it’s admirable to strive for unconditional love, it’s also important to be realistic about human limitations. Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining one’s well-being.

Self-Care: Unconditional love should not come at the expense of one’s well-being. It’s crucial to prioritize self-care and ensure that the relationship is mutually beneficial.

Communication: Clear and open communication is key in any relationship. Expressing needs, expectations, and concerns can help avoid misunderstandings and foster a healthier connection.

Acceptance: Unconditional love involves accepting a person for who they are, but it doesn’t mean accepting harmful or abusive behavior. It’s important to distinguish between accepting someone’s flaws and tolerating actions that are detrimental to the relationship.

Healthy Relationships: Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, trust, and communication. While unconditional love is a beautiful concept, it’s essential to cultivate a relationship that is based on mutual understanding and support.

Unconditional love is often viewed positively, it’s important to approach it with a realistic mindset. Balancing love and setting healthy boundaries is crucial for the well-being of both individuals in a relationship and it leaves you empowered.

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