I am sorry, I hurt you, I apologize

This week I received a message on FB Messenger. I recognized the name. It just said how are you. The person also wanted to add me as a friend on FB. I replied I was fine. He then went on to apologize for something that had happened more than two decades ago.

I was in a wedding party. After the couple had danced, it was time for the groomsmen and the bridesmaids to join them. I just went and sat down. One of the bridesmaids came up to me and said we should dance. As we started to dance, I noticed someone pushed me and started attacking me. It was the husband of the bridesmaid. Over the years the groom and I did have a laugh about the situation.

The Apology

The husband had sent me a message because he wanted to apologize. I told him it was OK. It was time to move on.

I admired him. It took guts, humility, and vulnerability.

Some of us have hurt other people. Some of us have been hurt by other people. A classmate at high school or university, a colleague, a boss, close friends, and family.

An apology is a good idea

An apology is a social act, a nuance to be polite, to pay homage, and show compassion towards the wronged person. It is important for our physical, mental, and emotional health.

An apology is an amazing idea if you have caused pain to another person. It results in you communicating with the other person and connecting with them. An apology validates the other person’s feelings and lets them know you care for them. It creates a safety net. You have repaired the relationship and have made the other person comfortable around you.

Validation is the acceptance and understanding of the other person’s feelings. The other person got hurt or scared by your actions. This kind of validation is curative.

Apologizing creates boundaries and rules around the relationship going into the future. You need to take responsibility for where you were wrong. Your actions caused pain and hurt someone.

Apologies restore dignity for the person you hurt. It tells the other person that your toxic behavior is not OK.

An apology is important to social order as it allows us to restore ourselves when we hurt someone.

Apology and empathy are linked together

In order for me to forgive the person who attacked me at the wedding, I had to have empathy, kindness and compassion for him. His apology paved the way for me to see him in a more compassionate way. His humble apology made it easier for me to forgive him. I all of a sudden developed a deep respect for him and saw him from a different perspective. The anger and bitterness I had felt that night melted. I saw him as a broken human being. He was human. There was this emotional healing and it allowed me to move on rather than being stuck in the past.

Motive, demeanor, and a meaningful apology

The motive and demeanor are two crucial aspects of an apology. When done in person, the motive and demeanor are communicated nonverbally. There needs to be sincerity about it. If not it has no meaning to the other person. The sincerity must come from deep within to be meaningful to the other person. An empty apology is manipulative.

An intentional apology, along with sincerity and meaning is powerful and transformative for the receiver and the giver.

Do not apologize if you are being forced to or you want something from the other person. Never make a bad promise. The goal of an apology is to press reset on the relationship and to build trust. It also conveys the message that you are aware of your behavior, actions and will try your level best not to repeat it again.

A meaningful apology must come with a pang of regret, obligation, and corrective action. You must come to terms with the fact that your actions hurt someone, communicate it, and acknowledge the breach you caused. You must take full responsibility for your actions and finally communicate that you will not repeat that toxic behavior.

In 2026, we need to apologize a lot more. We need to reach to those we have hurt and make a difference in their lives. It will transform you and the other person.

The post I Apologize appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Paula Novella is a blogger based in Melbourne, Australia. We catch up and talk about honesty, integrity, and what her blog is all about.

Paula, please share a little about yourself.

I am a 52-year-old who has been focused on living a healthy lifestyle for the last few years. I wrote my first story one year before I published it, but very happy I did!

What is your blog about? What is unique about it and who is your audience?

My blog is a health and well-being blog and I think what sets it apart is that I want to engage with my readers. I named the blog ‘shared stories’ because I want the blog to be interactive. A platform for everyone to ‘share’ their ‘story’ and for this reason my audience is everyone!

Why did you get into blogging?

I started blogging because I love to write and can’t believe how much ‘stuff’ I had in my head.

Talk to me about the city you live in? The food scene…restaurants and why we should visit it?

I live in Melbourne, Australia which is a great city with an abundance of nightlife, restaurants, and bars, not to mention the music scene available.

What does women empowerment mean to you?

Women’s empowerment is especially important because not all women are able to achieve without it.

Life is challenging. Help me understand something you have been through, what you learned from it and how you dealt with it?

My mother’s death when I was a young 19-year-old totally changed my life and I know that had she not left me when I was just starting my life I would be a totally different person to who I am today.

What are some values in life that you stick by?

I believe that integrity and honesty are two very important qualities in a person.  I try to live my life respecting everyone’s right to their opinions but try very hard to not let that get in their or my way of achieving goals.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family in the 21st century?

I believe that setting and working towards goals is very important and that balance in everything is the key.

The post Paula Novella: Honesty & Integrity appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.