Long live everyone who serves in the armed forces.

I met Sanjay in grade 11. I was still listening to U2 and focusing on having fun. Sanjay wanted to join the army and make a difference. After high school, Sanjay headed to military college. He graduated 1st in class. He was promoted to a Captain. On a United Nations peacekeeping mission, he landed on an IED and died instantly. Sanjay paid the ultimate price. He died so we can have our freedom.

I have a deep respect for those who serve in the armed forces. It is a calling. I have often wondered what the person who is serving feels as he/she heads off on a mission. How does the spouse who remains behind deal with the unknown?

Angela and Joe give us a glimpse into some of the questions I have asked them and there were gracious with their answers.

Angela and Joe, It is a pleasure to have you at Four Columns. I want to know something important about you?

Important, wow, that’s a big word. This question took some thought. We are important to our children because we love and provide for them. We are their rock and safe place. We are important to our families because they love us, and we have a strong bond and loyalty to one another. Society says we are important because we contribute with the work Joe does, with volunteering and raising kids in our community.

Joe is my Rock. Without him, I would survive, but it wouldn’t be easy. He’s my confidant, my stability, my calm and fun place. I know all things are right in the world, even if they really aren’t because I have him by my side for life. Being needed seems to be what makes someone important. But if tomorrow, no one needed us, Christ would still need us to live a life that exemplifies his Love.

Through our Lord, we can be all of these things to everyone, and we can be important to them. Because of Him, they are important to us. Trying our best to lead a life that exemplifies Christ’s love for us, is what is important about us.

Your mini riches are your five kids. I have one, and I know the challenges. Talk to me about raising four boys and a girl?

Having children, by design, slowly prepares you for each of the next phases. You learn a little from the first child, how to handle certain situations with the next child, and the next and the next and the next! I know that having one child presents challenges that we won’t have because we have five. Having five children has its challenges. The house is noisier, messier, and can get pretty chaotic. The great thing is that they have a built-in way to learn essential character traits and life lessons because they have siblings to practice with!

Our oldest three have been praised for how compassionate and caring they are with other children, even children with disabilities that are in their classes. We mostly attribute that to having siblings and, of course, us teaching them the importance of those qualities by practicing them at home.

The boys, generally, adore their sister. Except for when she tears apart their Lego creations, but that is what any 2-year-old would do. They were excited to have a little sister, and take joy in telling her how cute she is when she is. She is only 2, but we believe we haven’t raised her any different from how we raise our boys. We love dinosaurs, baby dolls, trucks, and princesses. It is just as much fun to wrestle as it is to play with stuffed animals.

We could be wrong, but we think one of the most significant differences between having five kids and one child is patience. We are much more patient now than we were four kids ago! We still get frustrated at times, we’re only human, and pre-teens have a way of doing that to you. We don’t cry over spilled milk anymore. We don’t scold the child that spilled it. We clean it up and talk to the child in a calm voice because they, too, are likely just as surprised and not happy about the spilled milk.

One big thing we try to teach our children is that they’re siblings—they are family, and that is important. Friends will come and go, the worldly things will fade away, but family is forever. Treat each other right, the way God intended.

There are also those people who look at you like you’re crazy for having so many kids. We got those looks as soon as we were pregnant with our third. The world needs to quit being so quick to judge people because of the number of children they have. We are doing what is best for us and ours, and we believe y’all should do the same.

Angela, walk me through the challenges of being a military wife. You are pregnant, and your husband heads off to a deployment. What is it like?

It’s not fun. I can tell you that. I cried a little when Joe left because I was going to miss him, his son was going to miss his daddy, and Joe was going to miss all of us deeply. I was only 21 for his first deployment, and 23 for his second. I was still naive about the world. I think it is best described in a quote that was shared with me.

“I remember being too young to be afraid and too immature to realize the gravity of the situation.” —Unknown

That’s not to say I didn’t plan for or consider worse case scenarios. I just didn’t believe it would happen. Part of that was faith, part of it was my bullet-proof mentality. There was no time to waste being sad, depressed, or worried. I had an energetic 2-year-old that needed to be played with and a baby that was about to make his debut.

The morning Joe left, and by morning I’m talking at 2 am, we packed into a two-door car and drove to Ohio from south Mississippi with my mother-in-law and her boyfriend. God bless them for finding ways to make all of our stuff fit into that car and driving 16 hours to get us to my parent’s house, where I would weather most of the deployment.

There were times I would break down and cry my heart out. I would hug my children extra long because I needed it, and so did they. We made friends with a few wives whose husbands were also deployed. We had play-dates twice a week, if not more. It helped pass the time. The darkness would occasionally get to me. I’ve conquered my fear of the dark, but only because my strong and brave husband was there to protect us.

There were many nights I stayed up late watching TV or reading because I didn’t want to turn off the lights without Joe at home. It is an 8 hour and 30-minute time difference between Ohio and Afghanistan, and a 13 hour time difference between Ohio and Japan. I didn’t get to talk to him as often as we had hoped during either deployment. It hurt my heart, but I had to stay strong and keep it together for my kids and my sanity.

Though not part of the question, I think this is a fun story to share. When I went into labor, we contacted Joe’s command, and they sent the message to Joe’s Officer in Charge that I was in labor, and he needed to call me. While in labor, I had a moment of weakness. I cried to my mother that I didn’t want to do this without my husband. I knew I had to. I just didn’t want to. She was a great labor coach. She comforted me through my grief and encouraged me through the contractions. I will be forever grateful for that and everything else she’s done for my family and me. Back to my story, Joe called a few hours later. It was perfect timing because he called at the exact moment our son was entering the world. Joe was able to hear my laboring cries, but more importantly, his son’s first cry.

A family of 7 on one salary. Help me to understand how you do it financially and give us some tips?

You can do without more than you think. We were a one-vehicle family for five years. It made things difficult at times for sure, but it saved us from having a $300 or more car payment each month. That’s $18,000 over five years, not including insurance, interest, and vehicle maintenance that we saved. We shop sales and thrift stores for clothes, use hand-me-downs from friends, and rarely throw out leftovers.

The biggest thing we’ve learned is to know where your money is going. For the last seven years, we have kept a monthly budget. The template we created is a mixture of zero-based budgeting and pay yourself first budgeting. Keeping a monthly budget has been a game-changer for us! Had we been more strict with this when we were newlyweds, we likely would have a lot more saved in the bank right now. We knew where the money was going, but not to the extent we do now.

Every dollar is accounted for and categorized, even if it is categorized as “something extra this month.”  This strategy has helped us cut back where available and make money-conscious decisions when adding new expenses. We also never put ourselves into multi-credit card debt. One card, one bank, and one reward program that has helped us pay for nearly all of our Christmas shopping each year.

I do not want to know your grocery bill. How important food to your family?

Everyone has to eat, and they will eat what momma cooks. Cooking is a labor of love for Angela, and even if our children don’t appreciate the 4+ hours she labored overcooking a delicious meal, she knows it was good for them and tasted terrific. Sometimes, the 20-minute meal gets the most praise. There is no winning if we try to please everyone. Angela tries to make balanced meals that we both like, and that at least 2 of the kids will eat without complaining.

The important part isn’t the food itself; it’s that we share in it together as often as we can. We make an effort to sit, eat, and pray together. Sometimes I miss supper because of my 9-5, but Angela gathers the kids to eat together and bless the meal. We are still considered young, even though we feel old! You have to put in the hard work when you are able and also find a balance between work and family. Without the work, you can’t provide for the family, but without the family, what’s the point? I don’t think anyone has a perfect family and work balance—it is always a work in process.

All right, Joe, talk to me about keeping the sparks alive in a marriage with five kids?

I think it is a myth that you have to go out partying each week, give each other expensive gifts, or spend whole days without your kids, just to keep the spark alive. That is a very worldly focused approach, and it isn’t what our marriage is about. It’s also not realistic when you have five kids and a single income. Some of the sexiest things I can do for my wife are chores, showing her simple affection with a kiss or a hug, and being a loving father to our children. That is the new sexy. I recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Learning the love language of your better half is a game-changer.

We also never stopped dating each other. Occasionally we spend a night out on the town, but our dates mostly happen at home. We set time aside for each other at least once a month, or once a week when things aren’t so crazy. Relationships require investments, and like any investment, it takes work and service to one another every day. We try every day to help each other become the best version of ourselves. The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly touches on this quite well.

My wife’s grandparents are celebrating their 65th anniversary this October, and they gave us a great piece of advice a while ago. “Never go to bed angry with each other.” I can’t say we succeed at this 100 percent of the time, but we make a sincere effort. Compromise and apologizing, even if you feel you weren’t in the wrong, are also good marital rules to live by. We’ve done our fair share of both!

Joe, I want to know about the sacrifices a father has to make to raise a family and to also instill values in the next generation?

For me, I don’t feel like I have had to sacrifice anything. I’ve only gained it. I’ve gained more love, more joy, and more purpose. There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing than marriage and fatherhood.

One could say I sacrificed personally. I gave up my military career because it wasn’t meshing well with the family life we wanted. We traded in our boss-of-a-truck for a minivan. Instead of world travel, we visit local parks. All of this, I would consider an upgrade instead of a sacrifice because it improves our family.

Angela and our children mean the world to me. Do I wake up and go to my 9-5 Monday through Friday to keep our lights on? Yes, I do, and I do it because I love us. I do it because I want my children to understand the value of hard work and the importance of respecting and taking care of your responsibilities. Even if that means some late nights, working with difficult people, or pushing through pain.

Children are vigilant and, from our experience, learn mostly from our actions and not just our words. Real success takes real work. It is the parent’s job to emulate that with a happy heart and to think anything otherwise is highly inaccurate.

I’ve been in some pretty rough situations in my life, and my family has always been my rock. Without them, where would I be? I can assure you I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today because I can’t think of any other life I’d rather be living.

Angela, talk to me about how we can use peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, and loving people unconditionally to make society better?

Mother Teresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home, and love your family.” When we truly love our family, we are able to live and teach these principles to our children. They can then live them in their lives, and hopefully, be an example to others. It’s like a ripple in the water. It starts small, with just us and our kids, but as each person interacts with another person, and another, the effects of love grows as a ripple grows in a lake. Growing much larger than where it started, and with these principles, having a beautiful and positive effect on our society.

I speak from my experience with our children and the life we have lived, but I believe this advice can be received by all.

Have peace in your own heart, happiness is being contented with your life as it is right now, but still, strive to do better. Some days I feel like I’m drowning, but I make it a point to find joy because that will bring me peace and is my metaphorical life-saver.

Show patience to everyone. Accept that they too have struggles in life, and your impatience or anger will not make things better. You can only control yourself, and that control could mean the difference between a good or bad outcome.

Kindness, Gentleness, and Compassion are the answers to negativity. Have you ever yelled at your child because they were yelling at their siblings, or even you? Does it make the child stop and love you more? Of course not, because that is not what they received from you. The same is true with adults. Be gentle with your words, show kindness with your actions, and be compassionate to others’ struggles. When you act this way towards others, it plants a seed in their mind that they too can be kind and compassionate and have a positive effect on the world.

“Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” Matthew 16:19.

It is so important to forgive someone who wrongs you, to seek forgiveness when you have wronged another, and to forgive yourself when you’ve done something wrong. I think it may even be harder to forgive yourself than another person at times. You don’t want unforgiveness to hold you back from eternal glory. So forgive yourself, and those you do not agree with or have done wrong by you. By forgiving, we are releasing another person’s control over us. When that control is released, we can live and give these principles freely to others and ourselves.

Lastly, unconditional love. It may be the key to all of the other principles. Without it, it is a struggle to forgive, to be kind or compassionate, to be patient enough. As Pope Francis said, “Life is good when you are happy, but much better when others are happy because of you.” Loving without reservation means you see value in that life, no matter their faults. It doesn’t mean you condone their sins, just that you see their God-given beauty—they are a person worth loving.

The post Serving in the Armed Forces appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

There are some stories you read and quietly close your laptop afterward, not because you are finished, but because your heart needs a moment to catch up.

Today, I have the honor of introducing Audrey Hasslocher, a woman whose life has traveled through valleys that most of us glimpse only from a distance. From growing up in foster care to escaping abuse, from rebuilding her life in uniform to now supporting her U.S. Army husband overseas while raising two daughters and completing her degree in Communications and Public Relations, Audrey embodies resilience with grace.

When I read her story, “A Truly Free Bird,” I was moved to tears. Not just because of the pain she endured, but because of the courage it takes to speak it out loud. Audrey is not simply the wife of an officer posted abroad. She is a survivor, a mother, a student, a writer, and a woman who chose to break cycles instead of repeat them.

In this interview, we talk about homelessness, foster care, abuse, faith, military life, identity, sacrifice, and the quiet strength it takes to rebuild from nothing. Audrey’s story is not just about survival. It is about freedom. It is about becoming your own rescuer. And above all, it is about believing that brighter days are possible, even when you cannot yet see them.

Audrey, I have a deep respect for those in any of the forces. A pleasure to be interviewing the wife of an officer posted abroad. Tell me something important about you?

Hello, my name is Audrey Hasslocher. I am living overseas with my U.S. Army husband and my two beautiful daughters. I am a stay at home mom and attending a university online. I am happy to announce, I will be completing a degree in Communications and Public Relations in June! In my spare time, I write on my travel and lifestyle blog. It has been a way for me to stay connected to my friends and family overseas.

I read your story ‘A truly free bird’, wow! I was crying. So, let us start by discussing your homelessness. Walk me through that whole process?

The story I am going to share with you all is something very personal and was still difficult to share after all these years. For most of my life, I hid my childhood upbringing and the struggles I faced as a young woman. Only in the past few years did I begin to feel safe enough to share my story with others. When I began to share my story, I felt myself healing.

My story began when I was born in the projects and ghetto of San Antonio, Texas. At this time, my mother had 5 children to provide for all only using government assistance, welfare, and disability checks. My mother was born deaf and developmentally delayed due to her own mother contracting a virus during pregnancy. There are many things I remember about my home in the ghetto but the memories that ring the loudest were the violent screams from my own mother. She had many boyfriends but one, in particular, abused her, took advantage of her disabilities, and stole money from her.

One day, I came back to the house and heard my mother screaming inside. She was tied up and her boyfriend was beating her. The abuse did not stop at her and soon trickled down from my oldest sibling to finally my youngest. With the lack of food, adequate clothing, supervision, and safety Child Protective Services made the decision to remove all of her children. This is when I began my journey through the foster care system.

From the age of 7 to 18, I was raised by the state and rotated through many foster homes. Some foster homes were great but a few homes I experienced more abuse and neglect. Aside from the emotional abuse experienced at the hands of foster mothers, I was overall in a safer place. If I described foster care in one word it would be lonely. I felt extremely detached and unloved. I knew moving forward I would never experience the love of a family. The homes I lived in felt more like I was renting space or a tenant who could not step out of line or they would medicate me. Foster care’s first response to behavior problems is medicating the children until they are zombies. This helped foster parents better deal with their foster children since they were sedated. It is sad but a true problem in foster care.

Church and books helped pass by these lonely years. As I escaped to church I developed a relationship and love from the church members and the God they shared with me. In my heart, I desired an unconditional love and I found this in Jesus. I am glad I found religion at a young age as I may have followed a much darker path much like my foster siblings. I am sad to say, I have met many of them since and many followed the same broken path they were born into. Due to my escape into books and school, I excelled and graduated from high school with honors. I was accepted into my #1 university choice. Things were looking great and bright at this time in my life.

Unfortunately, no sooner did I graduate when I met someone who forever altered my life. A young man with a dark and troubled past. He appeared charming, handsome, and sweet but he was far from it. My advice to young women is to take your time when getting to know someone. I rushed our relationship and moved so quickly I missed all the red flags waving frantically in front of me. At the age of 18, I was pregnant, and my brighter days came to a screeching halt. His cheating began immediately, and it soon followed with intense arguments, yelling, and punching walls. These are all red flags and I should have known it would have only gotten worse from there. Shortly after I gave birth to my daughter, the physical abuse began. 

I get countless emails from women who are in abusive relationships. You walked away from one. How can women deal with such situations?

The strength that comes from walking away from an abusive relationship is incredible yet difficult. There are mixed feelings such as love, fear, hope, despair, yearning, and grief. The back and forth of one’s heart doesn’t go away once you have physically walked away. Many women have left physically but have never left mentally or emotionally. Sadly, it takes women a couple of times to learn the hard lesson that our partner will never change. In fact, it is statistically proven that abuse only gets worse and in unfortunate situations leads to death. If you are someone struggling with leaving your abusive partner, I urge you that there are brighter days without them. In the middle of my pain, I could not see a life without this person but as I stand here looking back, I am so thankful I am still not suffering at the hands of my abuser. Since leaving my ex my life has transformed into something beautiful, positive, and hopeful. 

I am a big believer in breaking the cycle of intergenerational behavior, toxic abuse, and negativity. How did you come out at the end of the tunnel ready to get rid of it in your own life? 

The day I finally decided to leave my ex, I was sitting in the car yelling at him about his cheating and lies. He became outraged and it prompted him to turn from the driver’s seat and begin punching me. I tried to cover my head but still felt the blows and soon began to feel dizzy. I was screaming for him to stop but he wouldn’t relent. I heard my 6-month-old begin crying in the back seat as she heard my screaming. It was at this moment, I realized I had continued the cycle of abuse I had lived as a little girl. The punching and screaming were a reoccurring event in my home in the projects. My daughter would one day come home to my screaming much as I did. It was this realization that sparked something inside me that powered a deep desire to be free. I reached out to a close friend to tell her what I was going to do. The sad part is I texted my ex I was leaving him and not coming back. I was expecting him to call me and beg me to stay. But instead, he responded, “good, by then.” With my ex out of the house, I called the police. They then escorted me to a battered women’s shelter. I had no family to rescue me but instead had to rescue myself… and my daughter. I had to give us both a chance to have a life without abuse. Life in the shelter was extremely difficult and it was filled with a lowness I had never felt before. But the freedom of building my own life again motivated me to continue pushing forward.

I decided to join the military and provide a life for my daughter that she deserved. We spent four amazing years in New York City as I worked in the Coast Guard. It was during this time I transformed from a scared and timid person into a strong and independent woman. My happiness was always in my reach and it started with leaving my toxic abuser. This period molded me and I continued to build a positive and healthy life for myself and my daughter.   

Everything happens for a reason. You are positive and focused on the future. What did you learn from everything you have been through?

Lessons Learned:

• “I am lovable.”

The biggest lesson I learned from growing up in foster care was, “I am lovable.” Growing up in so many homes where love was absent, where I constantly yearned for a mother and a father, I never felt loved or considered myself lovable. After my father abandoned me and my mother allowed abuse, I felt far from lovable. I had to learn to allow myself to be loved and this was a difficult lesson. When I learned to love me, I was able to recognize love in others.

• “Family is who we make it.”

As I became an adult I learned another valuable lesson, “Family is who we make it.” Family is not just blood but those who accept and love us as we are. I have met wonderful people who have taken me into their heart and have accepted and loved me. These are people I consider family and I am blessed because of it.

• “I am strong, and I am worthy of good love.”

After leaving an abusive relationship, I learned “I am strong, and I am worthy of good love.” Many times, we do not allow ourselves to be loved or treated well because we do not think we deserve it. We choose not to leave because of fear no one could ever love us. We think this is the best love we will get so we stay in a toxic relationship. We have to remember we all have inner strength. There is a warrior inside us all willing to fight if only we believe in her. When I believed in myself, when I fought for myself, I was able to win battles.

The life in the army. You are moving a lot. Tell me about some of the challenges in the army but also the positives?

One of the challenges that come with being an army wife are the nomadic lifestyle. The constant moving adds an element of stress. The new homes, new schools, new friends, new rules, new cultures, and new places. It can be both an adventure and a hardship. We recently moved to two different countries in two years. That was challenging, and we had to learn two completely different European cultures, customs, languages, and more from one year to the next. It is great being able to travel and visit so many countries but there are times I long for the comfort of home. Another positive has been the eye-opening experience of seeing new places and meeting different cultures.

A challenge for me personally has been the loss of my career. I think this is the same complaint from many military spouses. As a military member, myself I remember not thinking much of the wives or considering the journey they took to be next to their spouse. As a military spouse, I now understand the incredible sacrifice. I can see both sides and I respect them equally for each part has sacrifices even the children!

When I met my now-husband, I did not envision the same year we married he would have joined the Army and received orders to move to Europe. It was all exciting but difficult. I had a great job surrounded by people I cared for doing something I genuinely believed in. I was working at the same homeless shelter that helped me get back on my feet those years ago. I was giving back and helping others the same was I was helped. It felt rewarding and so purposeful. I went from working full-time at a homeless shelter, part-time at a magazine firm, attending college full-time, a mother full-time to… just a stay at home wife.

It was incredibly shocking, and it was a hard transition. I became depressed and my days felt purposeless. I was in a mental rut and did not know how to escape. I dealt with this by again… fighting for myself. I gave myself a new purpose and refocused my energies on something new. I went out and made new friends, I tried new hobbies, I began my travel/lifestyle blog, I took trips to new places, and I made myself think happy. I reminded myself that purpose can be redefined. 

Audrey, I have to ask you this question. How does the army prepare you and how do you prepare yourself that someday, a chaplain arrives at your door and you know the news? 

I have thought of this scenario and each time incredible emotions rush over me. I can feel the tears as I think of my husband dying during war. I am grateful my husband is not in combat and it is not in his near future. However, even with that said, I know my heart will break with the news. I will be proud of him as he lived honorably and served his country honorably. I know my husband would never choose to leave us, but he would bravely fight for his country and what he believes in. In my heart, I had to accept this possibility and understand that each country requires men and women willing to fight for our freedoms. For that, I will respect his choices and commitment to his country even at the ultimate cost of his life. With that said, the truth is none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. We should remember to cherish our loved ones when they are standing next to us. 

I am so proud that our lives have crossed. My gratitude level has jumped 100% percent reading your story. Give my audience some advice on anything? 

Growing up I never had people who believed in me. People did not cheer me on. I had to learn to cheer for myself. I had to believe in my own dreams. I had to learn to love me. I became my biggest cheerleader.  My best advice is to “believe in yourself.”

The post Audrey: Success against all odds appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.