Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Covid-19 had made many working mothers look at stay-at-home mom jobs.

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that in January 2021, around 10 million U.S. mothers living with their school-age children were not actively working. Covid-19 has had a brutal impact on employment concerning mothers.

The pandemic has had a negative influence on the service sector and this is exactly where many mothers work.

Is there an answer? Can a mother take care of her children and also work from home?

I talk to Rachel Mills who blogs about working from home and many other options regarding stay-at-home mom jobs.

We are in the third year of the pandemic. A lot of moms want to work from home. Walk me through the process of becoming a work-from-home mom?

Becoming a work-from-home mum can be a challenge for some and easy for others. There are many factors to consider when choosing what jobs to do at home. The first thing I would look at is the age of your children. If you have a young baby who sleeps a great deal, then you will have plenty of time on your hands to sit quietly at a PC but if you have a toddler then this is a different story. Having a child that needs your attention on a full-time basis can be hard work so finding a job that requires little concentration is ideal. It also needs to be something that can be picked up and put down as and when you have the time. My children are in their tweens now and are at school full-time with nice long school hours. This has allowed me to start working longer hours at home doing blogging, where being in the zone and being able to concentrate is key. The second thing I would consider when deciding to become a work-from-home mum is your interests and skills. Choose something you enjoy doing. If you have training from a previous career, you could look at freelancing or working for a company in that industry that is willing to let you do part-time hours from home. They are rare, but there are some if you look hard enough. Recruitment agents could help you with this. I find the best jobs for work-from-home mums are sometimes evolved from a hobby. For instance, if you are creative and enjoy making jewelry then setting up an online shop to sell your handmade jewelry could be a really good way to make money. Using a website such as Etsy gives you all the tools you need to be up and running in a matter of days without the need for investing too much. Other great ways to earn money from home could be to sell second-hand items on websites such as Facebook Marketplace, Vinted, or eBay. These types of jobs are great if you have young children as they can be done as and when you have the time. There are a plethora of ways to make money online such as filling in surveys, tutoring, transcribing, or social media management.

I am a big believer in being positive in everything and in becoming intentional. Talk to me about being positive?

I was lucky enough to be raised by a very positive mum and it is engrained in my soul. I always look on the bright side and find the positive in everything and everyone. I teach my children to do the same and I feel it helps us to be kind to one another. Constantly focusing on the positives doesn’t leave any room for nasty negative thoughts to filter in. I believe maintaining a positive attitude helps us to be successful, as it nurtures our inner belief in ourselves and our abilities. We try harder because we believe we can do it. Giving way to negative thoughts only hinders our ability to achieve.

I have spent a quarter-century in the financial services industry advising people on how to save money. Give advice to women on how to save money?

I have no experience with the financial services industry but my knowledge of saving money comes from my own life experiences before I had a family until now. I think many of us get caught up in the routine of life and sometimes we need to take a step back and assess what we are doing on a daily basis and how we are choosing to spend our money. One example I recently gave in a post on my blog called “How to become a work-from-home mum” is the daily cup of coffee. How many of us visit a coffee shop for at least one cup of joe a day? The prices of these takeaway coffees are extortionate if you break it down. The mark-up must be insane, yet we all keep buying them. My regular cup of coffee is a tall latte from Starbucks at £2.25. I tend to buy one of these approximately 3 times per week. In a total year, I spend roughly £351 on lattes! Cut out the regular luxuries and you have some instant easy savings.

I would advise anyone who wants to save money from home to take half an hour to write down all their regular expenses from groceries to utility bills. From this list, you should be able to easily reduce your bills from some quick and easy changes. For instance, change your supermarket, shop for no-name brands instead of big brand names, switch your utility provider to a cheaper one. Developing good energy-saving habits at home will also help such as turning off lights when you leave a room, setting your heating thermostats to low and closing curtains at night. These are all simple things that in the long run could make quite a difference to your energy bills.

In 2022 we need patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, hope, unconditional love, and gratitude. Help me understand how women can enrich their lives by using these universal qualities?

To be honest, I think these are qualities we all need and can use, however, I feel women may have a slight advantage over men on this one. As a species, we are naturally more patient, gentle and compassionate. They say “Patience is a virtue” and I strongly feel this is true. Being able to wait for something without becoming stressed is good for our mental health and the health of others around us. Stress is such a negative state to be in and can damage us both physically and mentally. This negativity will repel others away from us over time and we may find we lose friends and loved ones purely due to our lack of patience.

To possess kindness, gentleness, and compassion makes us giants in a world of hate and toxic emotions. People are drawn to these positive qualities in a person and women find they make friends more easily and never fail to receive help from others when needed. Adding hope into this mix puts another positive spin on a woman’s outlook. Being able to stay hopeful will keep her driven and focused on her end goals. She is much more likely to succeed with this frame of mind. I can’t speak for all women however, as a mum, I can say that for our children we have unconditional love, and every day we are grateful that we have them. This enables us to appreciate the gifts life has given us and feel the joy that comes with that.

The older I get I am so grateful for friendships. Give my audience advice on how to be a great friend, how to have positive and nourishing friendships?

Friendship truly is a gift. Like any gift you should be grateful you have it and make sure you look after it so that it isn’t taken away again. Being a good friend is not necessarily easy and like any relationship takes work. The foundations of a good friendship are understanding, patience, and being prepared to listen without judgment. Every human is different, both mentally and physically. To be able to make friends and hold onto those friendships it is essential that you accept who those people are and love them for what they are and what they believe in. You should not try to change them, and you must always show them you have their back in hard times. You should support them and do everything in your power to keep them from harm. When friends take our support for granted and do not show that same level of love, trust, and understanding, this is when cracks start to appear. This behavior can leave you feeling sad and hurt. Addressing the issues when they first arise is very important to prevent them from escalating. Through communication you can solve many issues however unfortunately not everyone is capable of expressing themselves through words and this may cause further problems. If any friend makes you feel angry or hurt over long periods of time then I am afraid they are not your friend and it is best to walk away, as they will only create a negative focus in your life.

I want to know about self-care. How can we take care of ourselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and physically?

Gosh, that’s not an easy one to answer in one paragraph, but I’ll try. We as mums are the glue that holds everything together. The majority of what we do needs to be focused on achieving the best outcome for our personal wellbeing. This probably sounds a little selfish and to be honest, if taken literally then yes it possibly could end up that way. As a mum, I know how important self-care is. If I am not feeling 100% then everyone around me suffers because I cannot fully provide them with the support levels, they need. Being a mum and taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and physically takes skill and involves finding a balance. Our busy lives very often don’t easily allow us time to focus on ourselves so it is important to make time where you can. Schedule it into your diary if need be. You make time to eat and sleep, so make time each week to focus on your other needs. Something simple like taking a quiet walk or going for a jog a couple of times a week gives your body a boost and can help to clear your mind. Setting yourself personal goals and actually writing them down will help to keep you focused on looking after yourself. Set yourself weekly self-care targets and tick them off as they are achieved. Looking after myself financially is usually one of the easier ones as I just book an appointment to see my account .

What does the word women empowerment mean to you?

I’m going to do my best to answer this one without going into a rant (ha-ha). So, this is something that I feel is getting better as the decades go by. For so long women have been treated as the inferior sex in so many ways by misogynistic men with superiority complexes. We have had to fight hard to get our voices heard and many industries are still very male-dominated environments. The problem is prejudice towards women has been around for so long that it is continuously passed down from generation to generation. However, every time someone stands up to it, I feel it decreases a little, for instance, the suffragette movement was a massive turning point in female history. We are seeing more and more female politicians and every time we have a woman elected to a position of power, women’s empowerment is boosted just a little bit more. Women have so much to offer, and although, not necessarily as physically strong as men, women are definitely mentally stronger and should be given every opportunity to use this strength for the benefit of humankind.

Give my audience some tips on dating, finding the love of your life, marriage, and motherhood?

It’s been a while since I was on the dating scene so can’t report much on that I’m afraid. I’m not familiar with the swipe right swipe left scenario. One thing I will say though to anyone who has not yet found “The One”, don’t settle for second best. Kiss a few frogs until you find your prince. When you find him, you will just know. I had a few serious relationships in my youth and broke a few hearts but one thing I did learn was that when you find the one you are meant to be with you will just know. When they propose, the answer “yes” should come out without any thought. If it takes time to think about then it’s probably not meant to be. When my husband proposed to me, I didn’t have to think at all. I just knew it was right. I’ve been happily married now to my wonderful husband for 15 years and although like any marriage, we’ve had our bumpy times, we have a solid loving relationship with two gorgeously amazing children who I adore. My top tip for a happy successful marriage is to pick your battles carefully and don’t sweat the small stuff. Patience, understanding, consideration, and respect are very important also. If you haven’t yet decided whether you want to have children, I would say it is the most difficult job you will ever have. It’s exhausting, worrying, stressful, and tiring, not to mention the extreme mind-blowing pain you go through with childbirth. BUT creating a human is the most magical experience of your life. The child that arrives makes it all worth it and you will feel love like nothing you have ever experienced before.

Tell me about the city you live in? I want to know the food scene, the restaurants and why we should visit it?

So, I live on the fringes of London in a town called Woking. I live in the suburbs and am lucky enough to have very green leafy surroundings with only a short walk to town. Twenty-five minutes on a train straight in the heart of our capital city London is definitely a bonus of living here. London is amazing with so many diverse ethnicities. The culture varies from area to area and there is always something to see and do no matter what the time of day or night.

One highlight of living in Woking is that Gordan Ramsay has just opened one of his Street Burger restaurants near us and the burger is to die for! Just a 10-minute drive takes you out in the stunning countryside of the Surrey Hills where the views across England go for miles. Picturesque canals run through our town and long riverboats can be regularly seen navigating their way through the locks.

The post Stay At Home Mom Jobs appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is motherhood? What is surrogate motherhood? What is single motherhood? Where is motherhood maternity near me? These are some of the most common questions on Google.

Motherhood is one of the most compelling, influential, potent, effectual words and experiences. Being a mother echoes separately and is the most cherished, divine, angelic, and revered journey a woman will travel in her life.

As a father, it is difficult for me to write what it actually means. As I saw Jean grow in the belly of her mother, I realized we were becoming a family of three people. As I saw Jean kick and move in the belly and see the hands through the stomach it was magical. To hold her in my arms after the C section was a miracle.

I have noticed motherhood changed Debbie. It was a new and exciting chapter in her life. It made her more emotional and in touch with herself. It was also very exhausting. She also had to learn to balance other relationships and responsibilities in her life. Sophia Loren talks about “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” Kate Winslet says “Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears.”

Mckayla Butcher blogs about motherhood, marriage, and faith. She is real, funny, vulnerable, and writes from her own experience. I have enjoyed every article because it hits home. I sit down and talk about motherhood and relationships.

McKayla tell my audience something unique about you?

This question is always so hard! I would have to say something interesting about me is that I use to be a super extroverted person, and about 4 years ago that changed! I am now very introverted and prefer to have a very small circle of people I am close to. Not sure what happened, but I’ve noticed a lot of my personality had changed in the last few years. I think I am growing into the person I am going to be for the rest of my life. 

You blog about motherhood, marriage, and faith. So let’s talk motherhood. Help me understand the good, bad, and ugly truth about motherhood? 

There are so many aspects to parenting. And just like any major life experience, there are good parts, bad parts, and simply unexplainable parts. 

Walk me through what surprised you the most about motherhood?

I think what surprised me the most about motherhood is how hard it is to make important decisions. It’s one thing to make decisions for yourself, but it’s a whole other thing to be completely responsible for another life. It’s a lot of pressure. And sadly, no matter what decisions you make, you get a lot of mom-shaming from other moms. Us moms are very opinionated. But one thing for sure is we’re all trying to do our best at making the right decisions for our kids. 

Talk to me about having unrealistic expectations in a relationship? I am a believer in being practical and having realistic expectations.

It is so important to realize when you’re having unrealistic expectations. If you spend your marriage having unrealistic expectations, you will constantly be holding resentment towards your partner, which will push you further and further away from one another. It’s better to focus on the good things about your partner instead of the bad. There was a time a couple of years ago that my marriage was falling apart, but we decided we weren’t going to throw in the towel without fighting for it. 

The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. How can we inculcate these in our daily lives? 

The most important thing to realize about the love languages is that you want to understand your partner’s love language and use that to show them you love and appreciate them. If your love language is gifts, and your spouse’s love language is quality time, you don’t want to give them gifts because that is YOUR love language, not theirs. It is so easy to forget that you want to express their love language, and they need to express yours. You can take tests online to determine your love language, or you can read the book, The 5 Love Languages.

One of the things I had to learn in a relationship is that rather than looking for the right person, you yourself need to become the right person. I like your article on becoming a better wife. That article fascinates me and I want to know more?

One thing I learned during the time period that I was working hard to improve my marriage, is that you cannot change the other person, BUT… change inspires change. If you are actively trying to be the best version of yourself, your partner will notice. They will also start to work on themself, whether they realize it or not. One thing that can really put a strain on your marriage is constantly making your spouse feel like they’re wrong, or not good enough.

Let’s talk about marriage on a diet. You talk about service, intimacy, respect, trust, and dedication. Are these realistic? 

While it is not realistic to be perfect at all of these things all of the time, it is realistic to be mindful of them, and practice focusing on them in our day-to-day life. The more you prioritize these important relationship features, the more your spouse will appreciate you and see you as an ally. 

As a blogger on women’s empowerment, I am impressed with Jesus. He served women, elevated them to another level, he loved unconditionally, and hung out with the outcast and lonely. I want to know the practical aspects of your faith?

I believe the most practical aspects of my faith are the focus it has on service, community, and avoiding judgment of others. From someone who is not perfect and has made many mistakes, I appreciate all of these qualities so much. During the hardest times of my life, so many people from my church were right there to help me without judgment. I will never forget all that they have done for me and my family. It definitely encourages me to strive to be more Christ-like. 

Tell me a little about your city. The food scene, the restaurants and why we should visit it?

I live in American Fork, UT and I love it! It is the perfect size town with easy access to small towns to escape to, and large cities to find anything and everything you want. While it has all the popular restaurant chains, it also has some great diners and restaurants that are less common. A lot of the restaurants are also very accommodating for people with special dietary preferences and allergies, like me! 

The post Motherhood appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Andrea Barendregt is stepping into a new chapter after leaving her previous job. Andrea is embracing entrepreneurship and creativity on her own terms. It’s a bold move, but if there’s one thing she has proven time and time again, it’s that living unapologetically is more than a brand. It’s a way of life.

Andrea, please tell me a little about yourself.

I was born and raised in small-town Ontario, but always pushed by my parents to get an education and make something of my life.  I went to Wilfrid Laurier University and completed a degree in Communications with the intent of working in marketing.

How did you get into financial services? 

I kind of fell into it completely unintentionally.  I started working for a Credit Union marketing agency, and my career progressed and evolved into what it is today.  I wouldn’t say I am very “financially minded,” but perhaps my ability to take complex concepts and break them down into more “everyday” terms is what has helped me to be successful in marketing various products and services to the average investor who does not have a finance degree.

Tell me a little bit about your family?

I am married to the love of my life Rick, we have been married for over 2 years now and have a 2-year-old son, Joseph.  Joseph was a big surprise as I was told I would never conceive.  We found out early in my pregnancy that Joseph has Down Syndrome and had congestive heart failure.  At 5 months of age, he had surgery to repair his heart.  We’ve never looked back.  Today, he is a happy, healthy, and very active little boy who keeps Rick and me on our toes.  We both are advocates within the Down Syndrome community.

As a working mother, how do you balance family, food, finance, and faith?

Balance is something that every working mom has struggled with at some point.  I’m blessed that I have a good career and can provide for my family and that my husband is such a great cook.  He’s also an amazing dad who is very active in our son’s life and we complement each other as best as we can where schedules and meals are concerned. Both Rick and I grew up in church-going families and we are doing our best to make sure our son will also have a church family that will embrace him and his unique needs. 

How has motherhood changed your life and you as a person?

Oh yeah!  I often wonder what I used to do with all the time I had on my hands!  Now, every moment at home is centered around my son and what we can be doing with him and for him to nurture his special needs.  It’s also made me much more patient than I used to be.  I no longer live for myself, I always have him and my husband in mind.

Give me some tips on how you keep fun in your marriage?

Remember why you married your spouse — for me, I had fun with Rick no matter what we did.  It’s important to keep that spark and even in the mundane tasks, I try to have fun and keep things light.  Life has a way of making things always seem so serious, keeping a light-hearted approach to everyday things makes it more fun.

Is eating healthy important to you as a working mother? 

Yes, especially now that I have a little boy that I want to be around, for a long time.  Of course, perfection is impossible but I try to keep my diet full of foods that fuel and provide nourishment.

You are a successful executive, give me some tips on how to manage a successful career in the 21st century?

I just saw a quote that Warren Buffet said – do things your way.  I’m so blessed to work for a company that gives me leeway to do things my way and make suggestions.  Success is defined differently by everyone but for me, it’s about being happy at the end of the day and feeling like I moved the puck up the ice.  If I can be myself and use my experience and expertise to make a difference, I feel that I’ve been successful.

Name me some of your favorite restaurants in Toronto?

I don’t go out in Toronto a lot, but I do enjoy the Cactus Club and a great little breakfast spot called Over Easy on Yonge.  

What is the favorite thing you do with the two men in your life?

One of our favorite things right now with our small son is to spend Sunday mornings in bed snuggling, playing, and reading.  That’s our time with Joseph where nothing else is distracting us.  When the weather is nice, we love to get out on the boat in the lake and catch some fish :).

The post A Working Mother appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Single parenting, co-parenting, helicopter parenting, authoritative parenting, controlling parenting, and permissive parenting are the different styles of parenting.

If you think you have arrived in life, try getting married. A spouse is like a mirror, a lot of your faults get exposed. If after marriage you still think you have arrived in life, try having a kid, and become a parent.

Parenting is one of the most challenging things I have done in my life, and also the most rewarding. It requires unconditional love, being unselfish, investing emotions, energy, time, feelings, and lots of forgiveness.

Betsy Kerekes is the author of Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying and coauthor of 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage and 101 Tips for Marrying the Right Person. Her professional experience includes public relations for Franciscan University of Steubenville, proofreading for Patrick Madrid’s Envoy magazine, and contributing to Aleteia, MercatorNet, Catholic Lane, Catholic Exchange, CatholicMom.com, The Southern Cross, and Creative Minority Report. Kerekes serves as editor and director of online publications at the Ruth Institute, where she writes weekly newsletters and manages the blog. She telecommutes from her home near San Diego, where she homeschools her four children and blogs about her parenting adventures.

Betsy offers her Top Ten Parenting Tips from her book Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying

One

There are as many different ways to parent as there are parents. You do what works for you, and don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. And by all means, don’t compare your child to others. A mom who had a baby around the same time as I had my first made a comment about teething. I mentioned that my daughter had four teeth coming in at once, only because I thought it unusual. The other mom seemed upset by this news and got defensive — over teeth, as though the rate at which children sprout teeth somehow determines who will go to a community college and who will go to Harvard. Don’t stress over supposed milestones or how your kid measures up. Do your best, and don’t worry about the rest.

Two

Because parenting is hard, cruddy stuff is going to happen. It just comes with the territory. Taking a deep breath and moving on after an unfortunate incident will help you maintain a happier demeanor, inside and out, especially when it comes to things you have no control over. Some days your children are just going to be fussy like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Three

No sane person thinks parenting is easy, but focusing on the blessings in your life, even if your house is a mess or the laundry is piling up, is the antidote to the parenting pits. Clearly, your kids don’t mind those messes since they enjoy making them, and rolling around in a pile of unfolded laundry is the rainy-day equivalent of jumping in a pile of leaves. Why deprive your children of that joy? Instead, maintain an attitude of gratitude by focusing on the positive. Your children have enough clothes that they can get dirty. The dishes stacked in the sink prove that you have ample food for your family. Ice cream exists. And the list goes on and on.

Four

If you’re a perfectionist, having children may be particularly difficult, especially if you’re the type who tries to maintain a spotless home. You can be happier if you adopt this principle: Let it go. Embroider it on a pillow if necessary. Here’s a scenario: after breakfast, the floor under your table looks like the leftovers at the carnival in Charlotte’s Web. You want to sweep it immediately, but you’re unable because you’re wrangling tiny people all day. Lunch happens, and now the floor looks like the streets of New Orleans after Mardi Gras. You want to pull your hair out, but you still haven’t found time to clean. The solution? Make like Elsa and let it go. I don’t mean go a week without sweeping under the table. If mice move in to clean up the mess for you, well, that could be a win or a loss. The floor is getting clean, but if those mice start building temples to their gods complete with statues made from food scraps that impressively resemble your children, you may have a problem. Get out the broom and destroy a civilization. But for those everyday things that put the perfectionist in you on high alert, remember that the world won’t end and your house won’t fall down around you if you don’t get to it right away. Take a deep breath, do what you can, when you can, and don’t stress over it unnecessarily. I saw a meme that said: “Once you stop caring that the Play-Doh colors are mixed together, the second part of your life begins.” I totally get that. It took four kids, but I’ve finally arrived.

Five

Keep your negative reactions in check. Imagine you’re potty training your child. (Did you just shudder? My apologies.) Now imagine you take your child to the potty, but she doesn’t want to go. You try again later and still nothing. You ask her if she needs to go. She insists she doesn’t. Next thing you know, her pants are wet. You, frustrated by the whole experience, kind of lose it. “Look what you did! You wet your pants! I tried to get you to go on the potty. I sat you down, you said you didn’t need to go. Then I asked again, and you still said no. One minute later you’ve wet yourself. Now I have to wash you up and find clean clothes and…” etc. Unbeknownst to you, this reaction is teaching your child to lie in order to avoid seeing you angry or be yelled at. You can express disappointment, sure, but remain calm and patient. You want your child to feel safe coming to you with the truth when she ran a purple marker across the back of the white couch or when he threw a ball indoors and knocked over a lamp. If such incidents happen and you fly off the handle, don’t be surprised when you’re met with tight lips after asking who swirled a magnet across the computer screen.

Six

Related: Model not making a mountain out of a molehill. When my kids hurt themselves, I’m kind of like, “meh.” Yes, I’ll tend to the wound, but I won’t make a bigger deal out of it than it warrants. When I was a school secretary, kids would sometimes come to me asking for a Band-aid for some microscopic cut. When I couldn’t see anything, they’d squeeze until the tiniest drop of blood was visible. My favorite kids were the ones who came to the office with blood I could see from several feet away. I’d say, “Whoa, let me get you a Band-aid,” but they’d be like, “Nah, I’m just going to slap a paper towel across it and head back out.” Those kids were all from the same hardy family of goat owners. I loved them. The kids, not the goats. Maybe both. Baby goats are kids, so I guess both. These children didn’t try to make a huge fuss in order to get attention. They dealt with the problem simply and moved on. They were tough, and that’s an attitude that will get them far in life. I recommend encouraging that in your kids, goat, or human. For the more sensitive children, you can always point out that each passing moment gets the owie closer to being healed. You can also remind them that tomorrow they’ll feel so much better (or by bedtime, or in like one minute, depending).

Seven

Younger kids might be bothered that they can’t do the same things as their older siblings, like check the bear traps or drive the Batmobile. At a playground, a little girl was crying because she couldn’t swing across the monkey bars like her big brother. The mom assured the girl that her brother was able because he’d done it more times. “Practice makes progress,” she said. I found that interesting. We can’t promise our kids they’ll become perfect at something, even with lots and lots of practice. No one is perfect at everything, despite what you see on Pinterest boards. By using the word “progress,” this mom helped her daughter realize that though she may not be great at something now, she can improve with repeated effort. The less obvious message is that the popular trope of “you can be anything you want if you just try hard enough” is false. Despite this “good parenting” mantra of our modern culture, not everyone who wants to can become a Nobel prize winner, or an astronaut, or Adele. If your kids discover their big fabulous dream isn’t coming true, it’s an opportunity to point out that God might not mean for them to cure a common cold, build a better mousetrap, invent a new ice cream flavor, save an endangered species, and all those things on the Game of Life “Life Tiles.” Of course, you should encourage your kids to reach reasonable goals, but remind them that if things don’t seem to be working out, it may be because God has another, a better plan that will take prayer and time to figure out.

Eight

Sharing is good, but don’t force it. Even though “don’t forget to share” is a common parental phrase, we shouldn’t make our kids give up a toy or the swing for someone else all the time. Sharing is no doubt important, but only when the child does so from his own initiative. We can model sharing by doing so ourselves and then encouraging our kids to follow suit by pointing out how sharing has made another person happy. For them, you could say, “How nice of you to let the other boy play with your ball. See how happy you made him? Thank you for sharing.” However, sharing isn’t always appropriate. What if your child wasn’t finished on the swing? Instead, offer him advanced notice that soon it will be someone else’s turn. “Five more minutes on the swing then let someone else have a go.” Another option is playing together. “How about you kick the ball back and forth to each other?” rather than making your child give up his toy entirely. Being nice is one thing, but we don’t want our children to feel like sharing is a punishment when they haven’t done anything wrong.

Nine

Strive to make family dinner the norm. Being together strengthens the familial bond, builds positive relationships among siblings, and generally keeps teenagers out of the usual teenagery troubles. Younger kids learn new vocabulary words (for good or bad) and proper table manners. Everyone is more apt to eat healthily and therefore be healthy, and you’ll have a better idea of what’s going on in your kids’ lives. To get the ball rolling, you can play the high/low game where each person names the best and worst part of their day: “We bought a new carton of ice cream! That carton is now empty.” It’s a great way to find out what drives and motivates your kids.

Ten

You might think you’ll be truly happy if you could just have a girl, a boy, your dream home, a new car, a better job, or an ice cream shop to open up within walking distance. Perhaps you feel you’ll be happier when the kids are older and easier, or when they’re no longer teenagers, or when you have an empty nest, or when you can finally retire. But if you continue thinking that way — waiting for that next thing that you’re sure will make you happy — you’ll never be happy. Instead, find the joy in your life as a parent today.

The post Top Ten Parenting Tips appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

The responsibilities of being a husband and a father are the two most challenging responsibilities I have faced in my life. It is the most difficult thing I have done. However, the most gratifying. No matter of money, goods, or achievement cannot replace my wife and daughter. As I enter my 20^th year of marriage and raise a 16-year-old, people ask me for formulas.

The truth is that there are no formulas. Just like instant noodles and fast food, there is no instant marriage or parenting. It is hard work, self-denial, and considering the other person better all the time, maintaining boundaries.

I am learning that I am not responsible for making sure that my daughter is happy all the time, getting the approval of others (Jean has always been her teacher’s favorite), controlling her, or doing things for her that she is responsible for. I tell her that I am messed up, broken and will make mistakes. I hold her accountable, allow her to function as an independent person, make tough decisions, but also empower and inspire her to achieve her best. There are many sacrifices along the way, but worth it.

Adriane Thompson runs a blog, Raising Kids With Purpose. I want to dig a little more into this purpose.

Adriane, what is raising kids with purpose all about?

My mission at Raising Kids With Purpose is to help parents find their purpose in parenting by learning how to take care of themselves and connect with their kids. It’s about building strong relationships in order to raise self-reliant, competent, and emotionally healthy individuals.

Why should we read it? 

You should read it because I heavily research topics in order to make parenting a whole lot easier. Often times, we, parents, unintentionally make our children’s behavior worse which can make life really hard. But by taking care of ourselves through mindfulness and self-awareness, in addition to understanding emotional and brain development, we can save ourselves a lot of headaches and conflicts.

Who is your audience?

My audience is parents (mostly moms) of children ages 3-12.

Adriane, what kind of purpose are we talking about? 

The purpose we are talking about is being intentional with the way parents communicate, treat, and connect with their children. 

Helicopter parenting. Do you believe it?

I do not. I believe that it exists but I know for a fact how detrimental it is to a child’s development.

Talk to me about raising kids with an attitude of gratitude? 

Gratitude is such a powerful practice. Helping kids reach connective gratitude has so many benefits. Connective gratitude is far more than saying, “thank you.” It’s a deep appreciation for things, people, acts of kindness, etc. The appreciation is then reciprocated out of intrinsic motivation.  Having this attitude of gratitude increases happy hormones, redirects kids’ attention from toxic emotions and feelings, decreases feelings of envy and depression, it often leads to generosity, and it can foster healthy strong relationships for a lifetime.

What impact does social media have on kids and what can parents do?

I think it has a detrimental effect on kids. There is no need for kids to be on social media. I think parents should delay allowing their kids to have social media accounts for as long as possible. Also, having open communication as to why is also key.

Peace, patience, kindness, gentleness are universal qualities that need to be taught to our children to make them better citizens. Any tips?

The best thing a parent can do to teach all of these attributes is to model. Kids learn more from what they see, not what they hear.

We can talk a lot about kids, but it starts with the parents. The fruit does not fall far from the tree. So, what advice can you give parents in terms of behavior?

Again, start with connecting first. Parents have a lot of self-work to do as far as how they were parented. Many have to gain self-awareness as to what their triggers are or why they react the way they do. Then, by becoming a rockstar at self-regulation, they can remain calm and connect first before correcting or teaching. Once the child is in a regulated state, then the parent can discipline (NOT PUNISH), and give options and use those moments to teach very important life lessons. Our children’s brains are so underdeveloped that it’s almost impossible for them to stay regulated if we are not. It starts with us. I also strongly suggest staying away from extrinsic motivators or empty praise. Instead, focus on your child’s strengths instead of weaknesses, and typically the behaviors then dissipate. Teaching a growth mindset and allowing your child to experience emotions and failure also helps the brain grow and learn.

I am a big believer in creating memories and spending time with our kids. Kids want our time and attention do you agree?

Absolutely. Spending even five minutes of uninterrupted individual time with your kids will go a long way. Children are born to want to feel connected, love, seen, safe and hear from their primary caretaker.

Give my audience some advice on marriage, motherhood, balancing faith, family, food and finance in the 21st century?

That’s a lot! I have found that true balance does not exist. Instead of focusing on perfection, strive for progress and connection. Talk about your values and live them out. Strive to have the marriage you want your kids to have. Make family dinner a priority. And don’t worry about what others are doing. Focus on you and your unique children God blessed you with.

Talk to me about something challenging you have been through and how did you deal with it and come out on the other side?

A challenge I walk through every day is parenting a Twice Exceptional child with self-regulation and sensory processing integration challenges causing him to be explosive whenever his stress response is triggered. Thankfully, I am able to keep my brain from being hijacked by his but we have had some very hard days. Gaining as much knowledge as I can about what is going on in his brain and body has really helped become a much better parent. I have no other option but to connect and stay gentle and calm.

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Welcome to my new series on Life Insurance For Women. In the introduction, I mentioned the reasons why women need insurance and how it empowers you.

I am going to interview Chad Viminitz on the following topics:

Women are being overcharged, a lot, for mortgage insurance – what you need to know!

Why women talk themselves out of the life insurance they want/need?

How to prepare for the baby- 3 pieces to financial protection (will, mat leave savings, life insurance).

Is underwriting for women different?

In the third interview we focus on how to prepare for a baby, the three pieces of financial protection (will, mat leave savings, life insurance).

Chad having a baby is a significant life event. Why is being financially prepared often ignored?

The simple answer is: a baby’s arrival is much more fun and exciting! Expecting your first or 2nd (and 3rd or 4th) child is full of excitement and unknowns but also can be exhausting, leaving little time for financially practical tasks. Pressing priorities are obvious like getting the baby room/house ready, choosing a name, attending prenatal classes, and still living daily life. Financial matters are often not part of baby conversations with friends and family.

What are 3 ways expecting moms can be financially prepared?

You might not be able to get fully prepared for motherhood but here are three ways you can have your finances in order:

1. Write a will: Your will is the last chance for your wishes to be heard; given this includes what happens to your children, having a will is extremely important. Before the baby arrives you can have your will done, it is standard practice for lawyers to give consideration for future children.

2. Discuss changes to cash flow during a maternity or paternity leave: The cost of having kids can easily catch new parents off guard and people prefer to discuss babies, politics, religion, and personal problems before finances. Financial communication is key to balancing financial priorities with lifestyle. Do a test run and live on a reduced income before the baby arrives and save a little extra during the months leading up to the due date.

3. Apply for life insurance: No one wants to buy life insurance but no one wants to be left financially exposed or for their family to be financially vulnerable. Getting the best term life insurance is now quick, easy and very affordable, with no high-pressure sales. Just get it done and enjoy time with your family!

Why do pregnant women, in particular, need life insurance?

“I’ll get life insurance after the baby is born” is often said but life gets really busy, very fast. It’s normal to want to delay a decision like getting life insurance until we really have to but good intentions don’t always translate into action. Almost 45% of Canadians have no life insurance at all. When the baby arrives so does less sleep, visitors, doctor appointments, parent groups and that doesn’t include regular life (eating, work, house stuff, and other relationships).  Getting your coverage in place in advance ensures you have financial protection for your child and family from day one.

What stops pregnant women from getting these financial tasks completed?

There is a lot going on! Physically one’s body is tired or aching and the anticipation and excitement can emotionally be draining.  Finding the energy and time to see a lawyer, discuss cash flow and get life insurance can be like pulling teeth! Being financially prepared in advance of the delivery can reduce stress and give you more precious time to spend with your newborn. The financial protection for your growing family can be just as critical as reading sleep books.

You say financial security is invisible, can you explain?

When you are sharing your new baby with friends and family, the physical safety of the baby can be seen (ie. car seat, crib, etc) but financial stewardship or safety is invisible. Friends and family don’t see if a will or life insurance is in place and your financial plan is not truly tested until the unthinkable happens — only then will the strength of your financial security be exposed.

How much life insurance do most new parents need?

There are two main goals for having life insurance:

Eliminate Debts (ie. mortgage)

Protect Income (preserve lifestyle)

For most individuals that means having 10-15X their annual income in life insurance coverage. Term life insurance rates are at historic lows making proper coverage for families more affordable than ever.

What is the best life insurance product a new family to purchase?

The best, cheapest, and most appropriate product for most families is 10-year term insurance. A good 10-year term policy gives you the most amount of coverage for the lowest price — allowing life insurance to fit into an already full budget. 20-year term insurance can also provide good protection but it will cost more. My advice is to get the right amount of financial protection (ie. coverage), beneficiaries never ask “Did my partner have a 10 year or 20-year term insurance?” They ask “Did we have enough?”

Why do so many of us procrastinate on getting life insurance?

The anticipation of a child’s arrival is exciting but it also can stir up a sense of tension of “responsibility” and from a financial perspective we are unsure what to do with it. We are also rarely forced to self evaluate our own “financial worth” which can be a strange concept to many. Intuitively, I think most people know that their financial value to their family and children is a big number and that can be scary and with 80% of people overestimate the cost of term life insurance it’s easy for us to push aside the decision to get coverage. The good news is that the best and cheapest form of term life insurance need for most families is at historic lows.

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The post Baby on the Way? How to be Financially Prepared appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Some people tiptoe through life. Marna dances—bright hair, bold tattoos, and all. At 37, this Portland-based mother of two has weathered divorce, rediscovered love with her partner Chris, and embraced a fearless commitment to being unapologetically herself. Her blog, The Suburban Goddess Mom, is only five months old, but it already feels like a seasoned voice: funny, raw, and brimming with honesty about motherhood, reinvention, and the messy beauty of starting over.

In our conversation, Marna opens up about what drives her writing, the joys and challenges of blogging, the strength she found after an abusive marriage, and the small, sparkling moments—like a perfectly ordinary morning that inspired her blog’s name—that keep her grounded. Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and get to know the suburban goddess who proves that authenticity is its own kind of magic.

Marna a pleasure connecting with you on social media. Tell me a little about you and Suburban Goddess Mom?

Let’s see… I am 37 years old, divorced for two years, mother of two (6-year-old boy, Brayden, and 8-year-old girl, JoJo).  I have a serious life partner named Chris, who has given me a second chance at true love.  In addition, I am a bit of a wild, untamed energy/free spirit. As a result, tattoos, piercings, crazy colored hair are part of my repertoire.  Similarly, I am a self-described mess and a constant work in progress.  I am unabashedly me.  I have been blogging as The Suburban Goddess Mom for 5 months. The blog is a brutally honest account of my journey, transformation, and struggles. In conclusion, those who know me personally say it sounds just like me talking. 

What motivated you to start Suburban Goddess Mom?

I started my blog after posting on Facebook about a kick-ass day I was having.  It was one of those days where I felt like the best mother on earth.  The post read, “Today I feel like a suburban goddess mom and it’s only 9:30. Woke up at 6, made Chris his breakfast and lunch, cuddled with Brayden who woke up early, showered and washed my hair, I am dressed in non-workout clothes, woke JoJo, got both kids dressed, fed them breakfast, did JoJo’s hair for a change, played two games with Brayden, getting kids to school on time, grocery shopped, went to Starbucks.  And I will spend the rest of the day at school talking about Hanukah.  Some days are like this and some days I wear PJs all day and get nothing done.  But today I am patting myself on the back!!!”  In conclusion, the feeling of writing this and the response to it compelled me to start the blog. 

Talk to me about some of the challenges of starting a blog?

The biggest challenge for me with starting the blog is doing all the things that don’t bring me joy and that are not fun about blogging.  Setting up websites, formatting, etc.  After struggling through it for maybe a month I began outsourcing those tasks to a Virtual Assistant.  Which allows me to write, work on social media engagement and interactions.  I love it!

Why do you like writing?

I have always loved writing.  I remember writing pages and pages of stories in elementary school.  Even in high school I always took creative writing very seriously. I spent I think three summers taking creative writing classes at Skidmore, Oxford, Sarah Lawrence, and Williams College.  I wish I had gone to college for writing but was influenced to do something practical, teaching. Which I did for 8 years and I am now back to writing.  

Help me understand what motherhood has taught you?

I am not naturally inclined to motherhood.  I am not the vision of perfection. However, I am strong and I can do anything. My mother was the most amazing woman on earth. 

Walk me through Portland, a reason to visit and some good restaurants? 

I moved to Portland, Maine two years ago after my divorce.  It is a beautiful city, affordable compared to other places I have lived and the majority of people here are strong, unique, kind, and accepting.  Maine is known for its natural beauty; waterfront and woods.  It is the place to come for seafood especially Lobster.  Although I do not get to eat out very often, my top three restaurant choices are The Great Lost Bear (pub with tons of beer choices), Tiqa (Mediterranean food downtown), and Becky’s Diner (its where the fisherman all go).

Life is tough and challenging. Tell me something challenging you have been through and how did you deal with it?

I was in an extremely abusive and controlling marriage for ten years.  And one day I had just had enough and filed for divorce.  I moved 4 and a half hours away and started a new life.  At first, I dealt with it by being strong for my kids, pulling up my big girl panties and doing what needed to be done, then I dealt with it with alcohol, pot, and sex, and then finally I dealt with it with intensive therapy and tons of work on myself and introspection.

Life is incredibly tough, challenging, and unfair.  My life certainly proves that. I deal with all of it by therapy, spiritual practices, writing about it, finding things to be grateful for, acknowledging things suck and it is not fair, and constant support from my friends and partner.

On the lighter side, I want a good joke.

I am not much of a joke person.  Mostly I say and do dumb stuff or participate in witty banter.  This one is from my daughter:

Did you hear the story about the piece of butter?

Never mind. I don’t want to spread it around.

The post Suburban Goddess Mom appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Being a single mom can be both rewarding and challenging, as it often involves balancing various responsibilities. Here are some aspects and tips that might help:

Challenges:

Financial Strain: Managing finances alone can be challenging. Creating a budget and seeking financial assistance or advice can be beneficial.

Time Management: Juggling work, parenting, and personal time can be overwhelming. Prioritizing tasks and organizing a schedule may help.

Emotional Stress: Single parenting may lead to emotional stress. Building a support system, seeking therapy, or joining parenting groups can provide emotional support.

Limited Personal Time: Finding time for self-care can be difficult. It’s crucial to carve out moments for yourself to recharge.

Decision-Making: As the sole decision-maker, the weight of responsibility can be heavy. Seeking advice when needed and making informed choices can help.

Rewards:

Strong Bond with Children: Being a single mom allows for a strong bond with your children. Quality time together can foster a close relationship.

Independence: Single moms often develop a sense of independence and resilience. Overcoming challenges can build strength and confidence.

Personal Growth: Managing various responsibilities can lead to personal growth. Learning new skills and adapting to change are common experiences.

Pride in Achievements: Accomplishing tasks and milestones independently can lead to a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Role Model: Serving as a positive role model for your children can be a rewarding aspect. Demonstrating resilience and determination sets an example.

Tips for Single Moms:

Build a Support System: Surround yourself with friends, family, and support groups. Share responsibilities when possible.

Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for self-care, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. Taking care of yourself enables you to better care for your children.

Set Realistic Goals: Break down tasks into manageable goals. This can make overwhelming responsibilities seem more achievable.

Communicate with Your Children: Open communication with your children helps them understand the situation and fosters a supportive environment.

Seek Assistance: Don’t hesitate to seek assistance, whether it’s financial support, childcare help, or emotional support. Many communities offer resources for single parents.

I talk to Davianna who is a single mom.

Davianna tell me something important about yourself and the mom pursuit.

I am a mother of 4 under 9 years old. I’m currently in school pursuing my bachelor’s in communication media and a minor in graphic design. I’ve been a stay-at-home mother for about 8 years.

What motivated you to start mom pursuit?

Mompursuit was created as an outlet and a place where other mothers could relate on different levels. I wanted to speak about tough topics that people were scared to talk about.

Please tell me the challenges of starting a blog.

The most difficult times were just setting everything up to get started. Learning WordPress. Stepping out of my comfort zone to be able to share my most vulnerable moments.

Why do you like writing?

Writing helps me express myself in so many ways. Writing has been my life coach and creative expression.

Help me understand what motherhood has taught you.

Motherhood taught me so many tough lessons. I’ve learned to master patience. Learning how to multitask while taking care of four children.

Talk to me about your city. Why should we visit it? Name three good restaurants.

I reside in Atlanta right now. You should visit Atlanta to enjoy southern hospitality. Some great restaurants would be, Applebee’s, Chili’s, and cheesecake factory.

Let us go for a walk and tell me something challenging you have been through. How did you deal with it?

The most challenging part of my life as a mother was losing myself. Giving my all to someone who wasn’t equally invested in my family’s vision. Having four children and realizing, I might be doing this by myself. The heartbreak of picking up the pieces, after infidelities. Everyone has been through this in one part of their lives. This is a part of my story, and why I’m as strong, today.

Life is tough, challenging, and unfair. Do you agree? Give my audience some advice on how to deal with adversity.

Always take time to cater to yourself. Even if it’s 5 minutes throughout the day. Make sure you remember who you were before the husband and kids.

Wow!!! Four children under 8  how do you balance food, faith, finance, and family?

A lot of coffee and notes. I write everything down or mentally remember what I have to do. I couldn’t function without some sort of organization in my life.

The post Davianna: Single Mom appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

There’s something extraordinary about the bond between a father and his daughter—a connection so deep, so tender, that it reshapes the very fabric of a man’s heart. Garrison Keillor once wrote that “the father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage,” and he’s right. One word, one look, one question from her—and the strongest man becomes soft clay.

From the moment I heard my daughter’s heartbeat in that clinic room, my life changed forever. What began as a clinical visit turned into a spiritual awakening. Bryan Cranston captured it perfectly: “I felt an instant, radical, unconditional love that redefined love.” That’s exactly what happened to me.

This blog is a reflection—not just on becoming a father, but on becoming a better human through that journey. It’s about miracles, perspective, and the quiet, everyday moments that teach us more than any classroom ever could. Through Jean, I’ve learned what truly matters. And maybe, as you read, you’ll be reminded of your own lessons too.

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, “Daddy, I need to ask you something,” he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. – Garrison Keillor, The Book of Guys, 1993

From the moment she was born… I felt an instant, radical, unconditional love that redefined love. – Bryan Cranston, A Life in Parts, 2016

Focus on the miracles around you

I am in the clinic with Debbie. She is three months pregnant. After the doctor checks her out, he asks me if I want to listen to Jean’s heartbeat. I said sure. As I put the diaphragm to Debbie’s stomach and the earplugs to my ear, I hear the heartbeat.

I asked Neal, what happens next. He said Mother Nature takes over.

Neal referred us to a gynecologist. We made the trip to the clinic a couple of times and everything was fine.

Jean was two weeks late. On the last day, as the blood pressure of the mother and daughter hit high, they asked me to go and change, since I wanted to cut the cord. In the time that it took me to change, four specialists and the nurse had already taken Debbie and performed the C section. I just saw them pulling Jean out.

They tapped her feet, gave an injection to her feet, wrapped her up, and handed her over to me.

A sperm and an egg meet to produce this baby.

It just hit me. The permutations and combinations that had to go exact for Jean.

It still boggles my mind. It is nothing but a miracle, the way the eye, nose, ear, and the rest of the body works.

All the specialists at the hospital said it is a miracle, the whole process.

As you go on your day to day, focus on all the miracles happening around you. You will be amazed.

What is important

There is a lot of noise and distractions out there in the world. Jean taught me to focus on what is important. I am responsible for raising this baby. This was an important task.

In life, focus on what is important. Too often we focus on the wrong things and end up losing the important things in our lives.

Be grateful

On our first visit to the doctor with Jean, I told Neal I was a little bit worried. He asked me why. I told him that Jean is so quiet, she sleeps well and barely cries. Do you think she is deaf and dumb? He said let us do one thing. I will take Jean and you can take my three-month-old colic son. Debbie explained to me what a colic kid is.

Try not to over-analyze everything in life. Be grateful and go with the flow.

Do not sweat the small stuff

It is so easy to get caught up in checking all the milestones. Jean would meet all the weight, height, walking, talking, getting out of diapers stage in time. Some happened earlier, some happened later.

In life no use sweating over the small stuff. If your car gets a flat tire, or the washing machine breaks down, that is life.

Give up control

I am a recovering control freak and perfectionist.  My life and home always reflected this. I write everything that needs to be done and depend on a calendar to organize my life. Once Jean came into my life, the control that I thought I had was gone.

The living room and the basement were always a mess. The family room did not look like the cover of the magazine. I enjoyed the time I had with her, not focusing on whether chores or other things had to be done.

In life, very few things are under our control. Let go.

Dance

As Jean turned four, I wanted to put her in swimming and soccer. These were two things that I had little knowledge of. After a few lessons, Jean told me she wanted to dance. The soccer registration form never got filled.

Jean has been dancing for ten years. She loves it. She lives and breathes it.

As I watch her classes, I am amazed at these talented athletes. I get tired just watching. The stretching, discipline of food, sleep, exercise, and keeping a balance is amazing.

Do not live your dreams through your kids. Play to their strengths.

Carpe diem

I loved Jean as a four-year-old. She had no regrets. She was young and free and was not negatively conditioned in any way. She had no concept of the future and no past experiences. She embraced the present. This is why kids are happier than adults.

Jean took pleasure in simple things. She loved having the sprinkler on her the whole day.

As adults, we are attached to our past and future. We are scared about the future and look at the past with regret. This constant struggle can mess us up.

Unconditional love

One evening as I was having dinner in a restaurant with Debbie during her final month of pregnancy, an older gentleman came up to me and said ‘Life will never be the same for you and you will see it from different eyes’.

Those words resonate with me daily. Jean has changed me and as a parent, you are not the same person. I have all this love for her which is unconditional. I will always be a parent, responsible for loving her.

Try loving people unconditionally. It will transform you.

Become a better person

Life has always been about me. However, Jean has taught me to make this world a better place. She is very conscious of the environment, water conservation, recycling, being a good citizen, and making a difference.

In life, if you are stuck in your way and not willing to embrace change and the positive aspects of the present generation, you really miss the boat.

Time

There is a reason I have left this as the last point. As parents, we focus on keeping the kids busy and buying them the latest games. Kids just need our time, our hugs, our smiles, and our reassurance. Kids do not care about your status, Facebook updates, LinkedIn profile, or net worth. They want your time.

I am so grateful to have learned all the above points and Jean has transformed me as a person.

Let me know of some other lessons that you have learned from your daughter.

Photo Credits:  Derek Thomson Nathan Dumlao Caleb Jones Morgan David de Lossy  lauren lulu taylor  Mikael Stenberg  Kelly Sikkema

The post Discover 10 life lessons my daughter has taught me so far appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.