Cristina Romero is a Spanish blogger and I catch up with her and discuss life.

Cristina, a pleasure to interview a fellow blogger. Tell my audience something important about you?

Thank you very much, Jerry. I could be compared with the hands of a clock. In other words, I am always “functioning”. I am a very active person and I don’t stay put. I do not think there are enough hours in a day to do everything I would want to do. I am very human; my heart drives me. I like to help people around me. As a result, I find it worthwhile because that shapes the person I am. In conclusion, I am a woman that is very independent, very devoted to others, with clear ideas on her mind and who doesn’t settle.

Tell me a little about your blog and why did you decide to blog?

My blog is the start of a new phase in my life. After having worked in media and communications, I stopped working full time to take care of a family member.

After two years, I created the trademark “by Tina” and designed a handbag collection of different types of material, which were made in Spain. The fixed costs were high and I did not have any financial backing. I, therefore, decided to pursue something that I liked which is writing and having my own blog.

It was challenging at the beginning and a new world for me. I thought through the whole process and designed the website by myself. I am a perfectionist by nature. I took courses on blogging and www.elblogdetina.es was born.

The blog is about my thoughts, reflections, and state of mind on various topics like a visit to a restaurant, my kids, or just cooking. It is a journey.

What kind of journalism do you specialize in? What do you like about journalism?

I have worked in the press and radio.  I did not like what I saw when I started working for different media companies. To my mind ethics are a key feature of individuals, and this should be even more highlighted when you work in the “fourth power”. When I was faced with the truth about journalism, I was hugely disappointed. My ideas around journalism pictured the great reporter investigating for news but the reality is very different.  The news is delivered to you by the big press agencies and that is a debacle for your ideas.

What does female empowerment mean to you?

I believe women need to have their own dignity, be independent, and have their rights acknowledged. I further think that Spain where I live,  men and women have the same rights and opportunities (at least from a legal perspective, which sometimes plays out differently in practice).

When I was born, I had the same opportunities as my brother and the same is true for my friends. Maybe if you look back two generations it was odd to see the same number of men and women study, but nowadays any child born, be it a boy or a girl, will go to school and have the opportunity to go to university and have a future. I don’t see women as a prejudiced social group in Spain because of being born female.

I think that the word empowerment is fully compatible with women, as the word indicates, gain control over their own lives and circumstances. Maybe it is actually the circumstances each of them faces in her life that makes that woman give up on her professional life (be it because she has kids she wants to raise so that she can be independent in the future or because she has a disabled relative who she needs to take care of or due to other reasons…). And it is here where I see that laws don’t work properly: both a woman and a man should be able to take care of their families and home without giving up on financial independence, but there is no government help for this.

How has social media changed your society?

Social media has allowed people to have a broader view of life.  In other words, not everything is controlled by the same media. Therefore, the freedom to express yourself has substantially increased. It is a great tool to exchange information and has led nowadays to a steep change in mass media.

Spanish society has evolved positively in a lot of ways on the back of social media as it has given everyone a voice. The flipside of this is that it gives rise to abuse, to people manipulating social media to achieve their goals or to professional haters hiding behind the anonymous status a profile gives them, but that can be mitigated by the right of every individual to choose what he wants to read, follow or do.

Help me understand some of the challenges you have faced in life and how did you overcome it?

The first was in the workplace. In order to move up in the media world, I faced, as we say in Spain,  “pasar por la piedra”, It means as a woman if your boss comes and tells you that in order to progress you have to have dinner with him (or do anything, as we have recently seen in the cinema world) and when you say no he makes your professional life unbearable until you quit.

Another tougher challenge was when the CEO of my company told all female employees that he didn’t want any of us to get pregnant and that if we did no one could in “his” company (which wasn’t actually his) apply for a part-time job as is set out by Spanish law. When my second child was born, I decided to focus more on my family, and therefore against the will of my boss I notified HR that I applied for the reduced working hours that I was entitled to. They couldn’t obviously object but they made life difficult until I voluntarily left. That challenge has been very important and thanks to the fact that I actually sent that notice to HR and subsequently left women can (and do) now have different options of working hours in that company and can find a work-life balance.

The third challenge was that I was in a relationship with a male chauvinist. When I wore a skirt, it was too short and he wanted me to wear pants. He did not want me to drive and was emotionally abusive.

He was very controlling, negative and it had a deep impact on my personality. He was very aggressive in his character. I became aware of his negative impact on me and mentioned that I wanted to end the relationship. He became manipulative, by threatening to jump out of the window, screaming, and even broken a door to get into the room I had locked myself in.

However, I decided to quit this toxic relationship, as I would never be happy and called it off. We should be free in a relationship and not be subdued and unhappy. I still have to see him because of certain issues but I have learned to forgive and have pity on him.

Talk to me about Spanish society and is it still patriarchal or an equal society?

Spanish society is undergoing constant change. In the last few years, it has changed significantly and there is a long way to go. Spain has a constitution since 1978. We were coming from a completely patriarchal society, where women’s role was basically to be the wife of someone and raise the kids whilst staying at home (with some exceptions). Women gained the right to vote in the 30s, notably 1933 and it was strange to find women studying in university and having a job linked to their career thereafter. The change was accelerated in 1978 and since then boosted, and it has only been 41 years! It is amazing to see how everything has changed since now we live in an equal society.

As I said, most women are free to decide what they want to do in life and if they want to continue with their career or prefer to devote more time to their family and give up a professional career. But there is still a lot to improve regarding maternity leave and the way back to work once it is finished. Rejoining your job isn’t easy and sometimes your salary is not worth it. A lot has to change. You can of course always decide to start your own business and try to balance family life and work that way, but not everyone has the financial capacity to be able to do that and the government doesn’t, unfortunately, help much. On top of that, not everyone has the personality you need to start your own business and prefers to settle for a company or, if you are a woman after maternity leave, stay at home.

Walk me through some of the best restaurants in your city?

The restaurant scene has exploded in Madrid in the last decade.

There is a choice for every palate and wallet. From eating fantastic pinchos in the San Antón market to a nice plate of pasta in an Italian restaurant such as Don Giovanni, Mediterranean food as in La Ancha or El Qüenco de Pepa, nice fish in el Barril or go to restaurants that are more trendy where fusion food or Japanese food are growing such as Amazonico, Bibo, Sushi 99, Inari and many others…. you can also have a great piece of Brazilian meat in Rubaiyat. This is all on top of your classic paella or other rice dishes like in St. James restaurant, but Spanish food goes way beyond paella.  A very welcoming restaurant where you have great food is La Buena Vida, with one of the best cheesecakes in town. Another one of my favorites is Taberna Laredo. I could go on forever…

What is your city famous for and why should we visit it?

Madrid is 1000 years old, historic and one of the greatest European capitals. It is a thriving, cosmopolitan city with a dynamic cultural scene and amazing weather.

Food is an obsession (not least the Mediterranean diet has been considered the most healthy diet worldwide) and there is plenty to choose from as madrileños tend to go out a lot…

On top of that, if you have enough of Madrid, which is very difficult to happen, you have amazing places nearby, including several world heritage sites like Toledo, or the Roman aqueduct in Segovia, or the walls of Avila…all within less than an hour drive.

How do you find balance in modern-day society and what are your priorities?

I think we have gone very quickly from one extreme to the other, from not having the technology available to having access to everything. New technologies bring with them a lot of good things but also give rise to something that is very bad: social isolation. It is very sad when for example I am having dinner in a restaurant and look around me and see most people with their mobile phones, teenagers meeting their friends and each of them just looks at their mobile, rather than speaking to each other, playing cards… there should be more education on the bad use of technology in order to foster healthy, natural and true relationships.

If when you raise kids you should impose time limitations on the use of technology. At home we have rules for the use of technology (including the fact that when we have lunch or gather with our family or friends we can’t use technological devices) and, to be honest, life is good that way because at the end of the day we are people and personal relationships should still be channeled through conversations and face to face instead of through phones or screens.

Balance in modern life would to me be complete equality of rights between men and women, that we were all free people with the ability to think for ourselves, without being conditioned by anyone and that we could all study and work to be truly independent.

The post Cristina Romero: Spain’s Modern Clara Campoamor appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Diane worked in the wealth management business for 15+ years and took some time off to raise her kid. As a mummy, she returns to work. I catch up with her and talk about time off, motherhood, and the challenges of returning to work.

Diane, congrats on becoming a mummy and good to connect with you again. What is new and exciting with you?

Hi Jerry, it’s been a while.  Nice to connect with you again. 2019 is proving to be a year of change.

After being a stay at home mummy for 4yrs and my child having started school in September, I was torn on what I wanted to do with my life.  Did I want to return to work?  Did I want a career change?  Was I ready for full-time work again? All I knew was that I needed further brain activity for my own personal satisfaction, regardless of the form in which I could get that.

It so happened that in the new year, I went back to work on a whim, filling in last minute for 8 days – this was going to be a great test, it would tell me if I really wanted to be back in the workforce.  Well, within the first 3 days, I was offered 3 job opportunities.  If that’s not a sign, then I don’t know what is!

How was the time off for work?

Simply put, Amazing! I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home to raise my daughter and I wanted to make sure I took full advantage, knowing full well these years would be precious & gone too quickly. So, I did, I embraced it and went on many adventures.  Nothing to regret, only a million beautiful memories that I will forever cherish.

Let’s talk about marriage. What have you learned from it?

We all have our own journeys and meet at different stages of life. Andrew definitely came into my life not only when I needed him, but when I can honestly say I could appreciate him.  He has taught me many things; love, compromise, trust, perspective, self-worth, and balance.  We balance each other well; I keep him on his toes and he keeps me grounded LOL.

It sounds so cliché, but I often refer to him as my better half…. Not because he is ‘better’ than I, but because he has helped me be my best self.

How has motherhood changed you? What are you learning from it?

Motherhood has given back in so many ways.  I have learned what unconditional love truly is & how to love deeply with all your heart and soul.  We all experience love in various forms and know what unconditional love is, but being a parent puts you on the other side of the equation.  It is pretty powerful & amazing.

Also, Watching the world evolve, and discovering everything again through the eyes of a child is pretty spectacular. From their joy and pleasure of feeling sand in their toes, the sight of a vibrant flower blooming from a bud to being able to ride their first tricycle, spelling their own names. All of this has taught me to reconnect and experience/appreciate all the wonders of life whenever possible, even the simplest of things.  Life is too precious, embrace what you have, and enjoy whenever possible.

What have been some of the challenges returning to work?

The biggest challenge has been time management.  I want to still be able to do all that I did before I began working and not jeopardize the time I have with my child.  Someday, it seems impossible.  Those days are when I have to prioritize.  Our daily routine has changed a little, but our priorities have not – at the end of the day Mom or Dad will still do homework with her, we have dinner as a family, and bedtime has been extended to being a bit later, but still a family affair.   Returning to work has given me a better balance to life and hopefully will allow my child the privilege of having a good female figure, in her life as well.

How are balancing food, faith, finance, and family?

Am I truly balancing it all?  As best as I can, I guess. I believe this is where you need a village to raise a child. Someday we have take-out so that the day/evening runs smoother.  Other days, I enlist the help of either Grandmothers… They’re great at keeping faith and traditions alive.  There’s no foolproof equation to this, certain seasons like Christmas you may be ranking top in the family & faith column when on regular days/weeks/months, you may be more focused on food and finance.

It’s a balancing act and I believe as long as the exposure to all columns/aspects of a healthy life is there on a regular basis, you’re doing fairly well.

The post Diane: The Mummy Returns appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is motherhood? What is surrogate motherhood? What is single motherhood? Where is motherhood maternity near me? These are some of the most common questions on Google.

Motherhood is one of the most compelling, influential, potent, effectual words and experiences. Being a mother echoes separately and is the most cherished, divine, angelic, and revered journey a woman will travel in her life.

As a father, it is difficult for me to write what it actually means. As I saw Jean grow in the belly of her mother, I realized we were becoming a family of three people. As I saw Jean kick and move in the belly and see the hands through the stomach it was magical. To hold her in my arms after the C section was a miracle.

I have noticed motherhood changed Debbie. It was a new and exciting chapter in her life. It made her more emotional and in touch with herself. It was also very exhausting. She also had to learn to balance other relationships and responsibilities in her life. Sophia Loren talks about “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” Kate Winslet says “Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears.”

Mckayla Butcher blogs about motherhood, marriage, and faith. She is real, funny, vulnerable, and writes from her own experience. I have enjoyed every article because it hits home. I sit down and talk about motherhood and relationships.

McKayla tell my audience something unique about you?

This question is always so hard! I would have to say something interesting about me is that I use to be a super extroverted person, and about 4 years ago that changed! I am now very introverted and prefer to have a very small circle of people I am close to. Not sure what happened, but I’ve noticed a lot of my personality had changed in the last few years. I think I am growing into the person I am going to be for the rest of my life. 

You blog about motherhood, marriage, and faith. So let’s talk motherhood. Help me understand the good, bad, and ugly truth about motherhood? 

There are so many aspects to parenting. And just like any major life experience, there are good parts, bad parts, and simply unexplainable parts. 

Walk me through what surprised you the most about motherhood?

I think what surprised me the most about motherhood is how hard it is to make important decisions. It’s one thing to make decisions for yourself, but it’s a whole other thing to be completely responsible for another life. It’s a lot of pressure. And sadly, no matter what decisions you make, you get a lot of mom-shaming from other moms. Us moms are very opinionated. But one thing for sure is we’re all trying to do our best at making the right decisions for our kids. 

Talk to me about having unrealistic expectations in a relationship? I am a believer in being practical and having realistic expectations.

It is so important to realize when you’re having unrealistic expectations. If you spend your marriage having unrealistic expectations, you will constantly be holding resentment towards your partner, which will push you further and further away from one another. It’s better to focus on the good things about your partner instead of the bad. There was a time a couple of years ago that my marriage was falling apart, but we decided we weren’t going to throw in the towel without fighting for it. 

The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. How can we inculcate these in our daily lives? 

The most important thing to realize about the love languages is that you want to understand your partner’s love language and use that to show them you love and appreciate them. If your love language is gifts, and your spouse’s love language is quality time, you don’t want to give them gifts because that is YOUR love language, not theirs. It is so easy to forget that you want to express their love language, and they need to express yours. You can take tests online to determine your love language, or you can read the book, The 5 Love Languages.

One of the things I had to learn in a relationship is that rather than looking for the right person, you yourself need to become the right person. I like your article on becoming a better wife. That article fascinates me and I want to know more?

One thing I learned during the time period that I was working hard to improve my marriage, is that you cannot change the other person, BUT… change inspires change. If you are actively trying to be the best version of yourself, your partner will notice. They will also start to work on themself, whether they realize it or not. One thing that can really put a strain on your marriage is constantly making your spouse feel like they’re wrong, or not good enough.

Let’s talk about marriage on a diet. You talk about service, intimacy, respect, trust, and dedication. Are these realistic? 

While it is not realistic to be perfect at all of these things all of the time, it is realistic to be mindful of them, and practice focusing on them in our day-to-day life. The more you prioritize these important relationship features, the more your spouse will appreciate you and see you as an ally. 

As a blogger on women’s empowerment, I am impressed with Jesus. He served women, elevated them to another level, he loved unconditionally, and hung out with the outcast and lonely. I want to know the practical aspects of your faith?

I believe the most practical aspects of my faith are the focus it has on service, community, and avoiding judgment of others. From someone who is not perfect and has made many mistakes, I appreciate all of these qualities so much. During the hardest times of my life, so many people from my church were right there to help me without judgment. I will never forget all that they have done for me and my family. It definitely encourages me to strive to be more Christ-like. 

Tell me a little about your city. The food scene, the restaurants and why we should visit it?

I live in American Fork, UT and I love it! It is the perfect size town with easy access to small towns to escape to, and large cities to find anything and everything you want. While it has all the popular restaurant chains, it also has some great diners and restaurants that are less common. A lot of the restaurants are also very accommodating for people with special dietary preferences and allergies, like me! 

The post Motherhood appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

February is Black History Month.

I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country.

Zenovia, welcome to my series on Women With Wisdom. Please tell my audience something about you.

My name is Zenovia V. Shaw. I am a 56-year old woman who is passionate about life, family, and purpose. I live in Pickering, Ontario, and I have been married for 31 years. I am a mother and a grandmother.  I became a Christian 27 years ago and have not looked back.
I am self-employed as an esthetician. I love people, travel, gardening, and hosting gatherings…I am what you call a total extrovert!

Why is black history month important?

I believe history is history (from all backgrounds/nationalities) and should be integrated throughout the whole year and taught to everyone; however, I am grateful for the opportunity to have February as black history month.  There has been so much given to the world by black men and women, and their stories are not widely known by the majority of the population.  Great contributions, inventions, and examples of upstanding citizens.  Things I was never taught as a youth to help develop that great sense of pride in my heritage.  So much of what I saw and heard in society or in the media about black people was portrayed in a negative way.  Black history month provides an ‘open door’ for everyone to walk through to educate themselves in hopes of refreshing their views.

Let’s discuss marriage! Give my audience some advice on marriage, what to look for, the challenges, how to stick through the thick and thin?

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly!  Take more time to focus on the marriage than the wedding.  For the wedding, which lasts for a day, every detail is planned and rehearsed, but too often the preparation for the marriage, which is supposed to last a lifetime, does not get the same level of attention.

Focus on what commitment looks like for a healthy relationship.  Have fun together, laugh, serve God and others together.  It is absolutely fine to say “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me”.  In the marriage relationship, mutual respect, trust, and consideration are paramount.  When disagreements occur, fight ‘clean and fair’.  Once words are spoken, they cannot be unspoken…words do hurt!  Another boundary to never cross is physical harm.

Once children enter the equation, the relationship changes as you focus less on each other and take on the responsibility to raise the children.  For us, life threw some curveballs our way, such as financial or health challenges, to test our mettle.  These challenges have all happened in our marriage.  My kidneys failed two years into our marriage.   Having gone through the stages of dialysis and organ transplantation 18 years ago, I am still going strong with the support of my husband, family, and friends.  It is only for the glory of God.  We as a family hung on to God’s word, prayer, promises, love, grace, and purpose.

We agreed as a couple that there will be no back doors in our marriage if we hold on to these principles.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? What were some of the challenges and what did you learn?

What a great responsibility!  I totally enjoyed every moment of raising our daughter and son, even though our daughter did not sleep through the night for the first 13 months of her life!  It was very exhausting, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep 30 years later.  However, with every stage of their lives (the joys, cuts, bruised knees, colds, chickenpox, hormones, mess-ups, victories, great achievements) I’ve learned to enjoy every minute and still continue to do so.  I understood that God entrusted them to me to enjoy and to teach and train them to know Him.

Now being a grandmother, the emotions of love, adoration, are heightened.   There are no words to describe what I feel for my grandchildren.  All I know is I want them to know how much I love them, how much God loves them and desires them to have a life to the full.

Please give yourself advice when you were 14, 24, and 34 yrs old?

Age 14

Focus on school more and not be concerned about other people’s opinions of you.  Don’t even think about boys!

Age 24

Ask my parents more questions about their lives and experiences.  Tell them I love them more.  Find more meaningful ways to express my love for them.

Give that real estate course another chance.

This is a good time to begin saving for retirement.

High five on choosing to date the man I am now married best friends with for 33 years.

Age 34

No one ever plans to suffer illness in life, but these things do happen.  Face your challenge head-on knowing it is happening for a reason and your experience will not be wasted.  You will be able to help others who will go through the same challenges.

I know faith is very important to you. Walk me through your own journey and what you are learning about it?

I believe full well that God put eternity on the hearts of man.  Realizing at an early age that the void that I felt in my life was not being filled with…the job, money, things, seeking love and acceptance from man, starting my own family unit.  I somehow knew God had to play a part in the true purpose of being.

I, therefore, embarked on my journey to find a deeper meaning for my existence.  I tried church hopping, to see which denomination was a fit.  I became envious of those who had a deep love for God.   I couldn’t understand why I didn’t (or couldn’t) develop that type of relationship.

Social media has given some of the shy types a voice and a presence to express themselves.  It has given those who like to encourage others a platform to reach as many as possible with words of inspiration, pictures of the world around us, greetings, etc. On the dark side, it has been used to hurt and diminish others.

To become a part of a community, I think the key is to become more outward.  Seek to make a difference in some small way.  Focus on giving more than taking.  Beware of the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality.  I’ve found that these principles bring true joy and happiness.

Volunteering is a great way to become part of a community.

1. Serve your neighbors (help with snow removal, mow lawns, rake leaves) especially if they are elderly, widows, or special needs.
2. Visit seniors in nursing homes or retirement homes where loneliness is a real issue
3. Coach a team
4. Teach life skills at a local community center

Rapid-fire…

Favorite restaurant….Benihana Japanese restaurant

Favorite meal…stew chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, salad

Favorite movie…Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)

Famous person to have a meal with…President Obama

What would I ask:

Moses:  How were you feeling emotionally/physically that brought you to the point of disobedience when you struck the rock when you were directed to speak to it?

Jonah:  Why were you hesitant to go to Nineveh?

Paul:  When you were struck with blindness on the road to Damascus, what were your thoughts and fears?

Mary:  As you watched your son as a toddler, what was one thing he said or did that you stored up in your heart?

Sarah:  How did you feel when you were presented as a sister and not a wife by Abram?

The post Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Parenting is not easy.

Becoming a parent is one of the toughest things I have done in my life. It is also the most fulfilling thing I have done in my life. I am the father of a teenager. It does not come with a manual.  I have made many mistakes. I have also learned a lot of lessons.

Leanne Cabral, author of A Parent’s Best Gift, talks about parenting, parenting skills, parenting styles, and gives us unique parenting tips.

Leanne, please tell my audience a little about you?

I am a mother, author, speaker, and coach who loves to inspire and equip others to build a living legacy of faith by chasing after the things that matter most. I have a passion for equipping parents as they navigate the awesome task of passing faith on to their children. I encourage parents to make their invisible faith tangible so they can intentionally point their kids to Jesus and build a living legacy of enduring faith. I am married to James and a mom to four teens/emerging adults. I recently released my first book, A Parent’s Best Gift, which is available on Amazon.

Tell us about your book A Parent’s Best Gift?

The best gift we can give our kids is to live our lives in such a way that they know who Jesus is and understand His incredible love for them. While many understand this task, in theory, most of us struggle to practice applying this in everyday life. A Parent’s Best Gift reveals this process, equipping parents with tools and strategies that are simple, applicable, and absolutely doable. Discover freedom, direction, and intentionality as you begin to see this magnificent task broken down into manageable bitesize pieces. I truly believe we all want to be the parents God has called us to be and cultivate faith in our kids that takes root and grows.

Why did you write this book and tell me about your journey as a parent?

This book emerged out of my own quest to figure out a few things as a Mom. I knew that I would be held accountable for how I lived out my faith and pointed my kids to Jesus. I was desperate to find out how to do this in the chaos of everyday life. Questions like how do you make an invisible faith visible and tangible, or How do I teach my kids to pray and to hear God’s voice… drove me. This sent me on quite a journey out of which a 10-talk series emerged as well as a book. What I learned on the journey was that as parents, we are all hungry for the same information… whether you come from a legacy of faith or you are a first-generation believer, we desperately want to be the parents God has called us to be, we just don’t always know-how. This book is about the obstacles that entangled me as the Lord began to deal with my own warped views of Him and myself and then moves into how to get started to create the legacy of faith that you want to build. The last part of the book which is the largest is a practical guide on how to cultivate specific areas of spiritual development within your family, like prayer or hear God, in the chaos of everyday life. I wrote the book I desperately wanted but couldn’t find it.

You call parenting the toughest assignment why?

I call it a sacred assignment, our main thing. With all the good things calling our name we often get distracted and clouded by lesser things and we respond to the tyranny of the urgent instead of intentionally doing the things we actually value most.

Define intentional parenting?

Most of us in parenting are reactive. We respond to the things that come our way … the things that appear urgent but may not actually be. An intentional parent is proactive, knowing what they value and what they want to focus on and cultivate within their family. They have created a family mission statement so that they are very clear on what they stand for as a family and what they want to be known for. They weigh every opportunity against their mission statement so that they can weed out all the good things calling their name and focus on the great things for their family. They create a plan and carve out time to implement what they value.

Give me four practical tips to be a great parent?

Pray

Create a Family Mission Statement. Figure out what you really value as a family – what you want to be known for so you can make your best decisions

Be present … put the distractions down (phone, computer, TV)

Start date nights with your kids where you spend at least one hour of uninterrupted time alone with one child.

I have a 16-year-old. Should I be a father to her or a friend? What are the difference and the result?

Your primary role is to model Jesus to her in your own life and point her to Him. Love and prayer are our most valuable tools.

How is food, faith, finance, and family connected?

They are all ingredients needed for a healthy family and healthy relationships – they need to be stewarded well.

Food – What you put in your body matters, the healthier the food, the healthier the body.

Faith – It is the main thing… none of the others matter if this one isn’t a priority. All the rest will flow out of this.

Finances – We must start from the place of knowing that all we have comes from God, we are simply given the task of stewarding it well.

Family – This is where all the magic happens. It is where faith is lived out in the majesty and in the messiness of life. This is what matters most… how we steward the kids entrusted to us and how we point them to Jesus. It’s in the seemingly mundane and ordinary where faith and faithfulness are cultivated. It’s our primary mission field.

How do you find a balance with the above in this busy world?

We have chosen to intentionally live life at a slower pace for that exact reason… So, we have enough time and margin to focus on what really matters to us and our family. In a world that moves so quickly, we live a slowed-down life where there is room for our soul to breathe and respond to the stirrings of the Holy Spirit.

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