Brian McAuley is a senior sales executive in the IT industry.  I sit down with him to get some advice on how to be successful in sales.

Brian, please tell my audience a little about you?

I’m a husband of Jenn for over 23 years, and a father to 3 boys ranging from 12 to 20. I’m active in my community by serving at my local church.  I chair the board at the Alzheimer’s Society of Durham Region, and serve as a director of another charity board.

Professionally I’m a technology sales leader with over 20 years of experience who has enjoyed selling industry and technology solutions at the boardroom level across various verticals. I try to maintain a reputation as a collaborative leader who builds trust with clients, partners, and colleagues. I’ve served in various senior business development and management roles at IBM for over 12 years, led teams at Bell Canada, completed the sales turnaround in a software company specializing in healthcare solutions, as well as took a sabbatical from corporate to re-focus a not-for-profit.

What are some of the qualities one needs to have to be great at sales?

First off, you need to be a good listener.  Far too many salespeople fill the air with their own talking, but the sales profession is all about understanding needs. Customers need to know that you genuinely care, and have their best interests in mind.  Secondly, you have to be good at execution, meaning, you need to have a plan, and be able to be organized and intentional about getting things done.  Thirdly, you need to work well with others and recognize how to leverage the strengths of others.  I truly believe in the saying “if you want to go fast, go alone but if you want to go far, go together”.  Success is never achieved alone.

You worked in the non-profit and then came back to the corporate world.  How was that experience?

Making the transition to a different sector was both rewarding and challenging.  Taking the assignment was a risky one, but I’m grateful for what I learned, and for what I was able to contribute.  There are many transferable skills from one sector to the other, but business disciplines need to be applied differently in the not-for-profit (NFP). There is rigor in business that is not as easily digestible in NFP. In business, it’s all about results and metrics. In NFP, metrics are important, but the mission and relationships take precedence.  The velocity with which you can accomplish things in business, can’t always be achieved in the NFP sector – simply because the culture is not the same.  Reaching agreement through consensus is vitally more important.  The personal rewards received in changing or saving a life can’t be matched.  Great experience.

You talk a lot about approaching everything with abundance. Please explain?

We live in a world where, generally, everyone holds the belief that more is better. With that belief, we carry with us, thoughts that repeat in our heads saying “if I just had more X, then life would be easier”. If you had more in your bank account, a bigger house, a better car, more education, less stress, etc.  When we look around at others, we begin to feel inadequate.  I latched on to a saying years ago that said: “Comparison kills contentment”. On Monday, you can be completely thrilled with your “new to you” 3-year-old used car, until Ken and Barbie drive up next to you at the stoplight in their brand new convertible.  Or, you’re so proud of losing five pounds, until the next person loses ten.

Begin or end each day by being thankful for the details of what you’ve been blessed with.  Getting started is the hardest, but after a few weeks of writing a couple down each day, you will start to look at your world differently, and realize how much you actually have, without even looking at physical things.  You will start to look at relationships as your assets, the gift of encouragement that someone gave you, or the feeling you got for being able to help someone else out in your day.  Your abundance mindset will have you starting to look at the world not by what you don’t have, but by what you have and what you can give to others.  Oftentimes, we don’t recognize our unique gifts – a special skill, a piece of knowledge, undivided attention, or an encouraging word.

How has being a husband and father changed you?

When you become a husband, you transition from only thinking about your needs, to thinking about the needs of your spouse. When you have children, you transition further again and gain a greater sense of responsibility to not only provide physically but emotionally and spiritually for your whole family.  All the investments made in you now need to be imparted to others. Your life is now intertwined with others. Like a new recipe you’re trying for the first time, all the good (and the not so good) come together in a big mixing bowl with the strengths (and weaknesses) of your spouse, to form a new mixture. To make the new recipe work, you need to play with the ingredients. To make it all work, there becomes some give and take, and the ability to say “I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, but together we are much better”. So, being a father and husband has humbled me and made me more grateful for my family who makes me a better version of myself.

Give my audience some sane financial advice?

I believe that making manageable changes, consistently over time, delivers the best results.  Someone once said, “It takes at least 20 years to become an overnight success”. Give away 10% of your income to help others and the charities you are most passionate about. Save 10% of what you make, consistently over your career.  But do the first two before you spend on yourself.  Often time, we set goals that are too big and fail.  Small sacrifices, consistently over time, pay big dividends in the long run.  Seek wise counsel. Only invest your money with someone who makes their money not by making a commission on what investments they sell you, but by the returns and the growth in your portfolio. Don’t carry a credit card balance. Buy your first house as early as you can. Learn to deny yourself luxuries until the staples are in place.

Tell me a good sales joke?

Ha – I actually respect your readers too much to share a sales joke.  I have yet to hear one that isn’t really corny.

How do you balance faith, finance, family, and food in the 21st century?

You create balance by putting priorities in their place and allowing everything else to fit around them. Priorities are established based on your values. For example, if I told you that my faith was important to me, but I never made it to church because of sports, would you say my priorities were in line with my stated values? Probably not.  I balance my life by prioritizing what I value and being intentional through my goals and actions. My faith is important to me, so I make sure I start each day by reading scripture and spending time in prayer.  I do it not because anyone says I have to, but because I need that time in order to stay connected to my faith, which I value so much.  I value my family, so I spend a lot of time with them. I value financial stability, so I make sure I save, and I don’t overspend, but I make sure I enjoy the fruits of my labor. Food – I don’t know what to say about that. Food for me isn’t important unless it’s shared around a table with those I love.

The post Sales as a Career appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

International Women’s Day is celebrated annually on March 8. It gives us an opportunity to reflect on progress made, to ask for change, and to hold up women and celebrate their acts of courage and conviction by ordinary women who continue to play an important role in the history of their countries and communities.

Jillian Brown works for Royal Bank of Canada. I talk to her about her life in the corporate world and her passion about giving back.

Jillian, it is a pleasure to have you on my blog. Please tell my audience a little about you?

My name is Jill. I am 23 years old. I have recently graduated from the University of Guelph, where I majored in Accounting and minored in Marketing and Leadership. Currently, I am a Product Analyst in Premium and Everyday Credit Cards at RBC. I really enjoy what I do.

For the majority of my childhood, I was a competitive dancer, living the life you see on the hit reality show “Dance Moms”, when I was 13 eventually, I lost my passion and was looking for a new hobby to fuel my competitive nature. As I entered high school, I found a passion in a sport, a little less graceful – hockey. Being a highly competitive individual, I wasn’t ok with just playing house league. I played for one year and made a rep team every year following and played into rep into university. With my competitive nature, in University, I became very involved with student clubs. I was President of the Accounting Society of Guelph, taught 2 first year business classes as an Undergraduate Teaching Assistant and I competed and was Co-Captain of our intercollegiate case competition team JDC Central.

All of my experiences really shaped me to be the competitive, reliable, dedicated and empathetic person I am today.

Talk to me about your passions in life?

My biggest passion is giving back and helping others. If you are able, I truly believe it is important to give back and help others, no matter if you know the person or do not. This passion of mine is twofold however, this relates to both volunteerism and giving back to others as others gave to you.

I have always had a passion about volunteerism, which only grew bigger as I went to university. When I started university, I realized I had so much more time in my day and wanted to help as much as I could. I volunteered at the food bank, Run for the Cure and United Way and many other organizations over my 5 years in Guelph. In my 3rd and 4th year, my passion for volunteerism grew even more after doing two co-op terms at United Way Guelph Wellington Dufferin. I learnt so much about charitable giving, the importance of volunteers and the need that is in so many communities. The impact charities like United Way make in communities is incredible. These individuals work tirelessly to raise money for other people, striving for the strongest communities possible.

Within the second fold of my passion, I really believe in giving back to others as others have to you. In your daily personal growth and development, someone has taken the time to help you. Whether it’s with a course, an activity/hobby, future career or simply lending a hand when you needed it. I think both current and future generations need to focus on helping each other be successful. Even though I have only been graduated for one year, I plan on going back to my alma matter regularly to help students and give them the advice I once received.

Walk me through your life experience, what did you learn from these experiences and how has it changed you?

Just after I was born, I was diagnosed with epilepsy, which hindered some of my development growing up. I got tired very easily and at times had difficulty remembering things. My parents always hoped I would grow out of it as I got older and very luckily, I did. Around the age of 10 – right when we used to do multiplication tables competitions in grade school – my doctor told me that I wouldn’t have to take my medication anymore and I had grown out of epilepsy. Even though I grew out of it, for quite some time after, I had trouble remembering things and always had to study a little bit harder and for longer periods of time. Although it didn’t affect my memory as much when I grew up, I always gave myself a little extra time to do things.

In high school and university, these habits continued and I always made sure to give myself a little more time than I thought I needed for my studies. Although I outgrew it, there is always a chance it could come back. So, it taught me to really understand myself, great prioritization skills and understanding of how to utilize my time the most effectively.

When something happens to you or you have a medical condition that is out of your control, you really try to push through it. Even though I am fortunate enough to have outgrown epilepsy and it doesn’t affect me much in my daily life anymore, it taught me to constantly keep pushing through things that happen, to be kind to myself and others, and to be more aware of what is happening around me.

Who are the Millennials, what do they want, what do they want to change in present day society?

In this day and age, I think many people generalize Millennials and say “they have everything given to them” and “they do not know the value of hard work”. But – I disagree. As technology and innovation progresses, cultural and societal norms have changed, Millennials still understand the value of hard work, but a lot of things that were once difficult for other generations have become more accessible for us. Although we have these tools and it seems like a lot has been given to us, issues today have become so much more complex and Millennials have so many larger problems to solve in their lifetime.

For Millennials, I think our generation just wants to be happy, which is defined differently for everyone.

I also think simplification is the one thing that many things that my peers and I are focused on. Many things in the past were complicated, time-consuming and at times difficult. Millennials are constantly trying to make things simpler and better for everyone.

What should employers know about you and how to treat you at work?

For many people in my generation or any generation, people (including myself) do not like to be micromanaged. I am a true believer in giving feedback, but I truly believe that when you micro-manage someone, you don’t allow someone to put in their best work forward. Micromanagement is different than when you’re training someone and providing them with guidance/feedback. I think not being micromanaged and being given freedom is something someone looks for in an employer and a manager and really makes employers successful at the end of the day.

What are some of the social and other causes that you are passionate about which the past generations missed out on?

With my passion for volunteerism, I am passionate about youth development, poverty, and focusing on helping the senior population thrive. But one of my passion that I think past generations missed out on understanding what you are putting in and on your body.

People never understood how the food they ate, the chemicals in their toiletries, or the impact of their hobbies had on their health – physically and mentally. Nitrates, sulfates, cigarettes are just a few dangerous chemicals/items that went under the radar for years.

It is important to develop an awareness of these things, which I believe is becoming more relevant. People are eating more fresh foods and purchasing shampoo and makeup products that have fewer chemicals. This will force large companies to think more and make changes too, which will be beneficial and more sustainable in the long run.

Talk to me about food, family, faith, and finances and what do these things mean to Millennials?

I am unsure what all of these things mean to all Millennials, but I do know what they mean to me.

Family is by far the most important thing in my life. I am so fortunate to have a great one and I would drop anything for them.

My family really shaped who I am today, which is why I think it is important to share a bit about them. My Dad’s family is from “the Rock” otherwise known as Newfoundland and my mom’s side is from the province where the sky is very big. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll know this is Saskatchewan. My older brother Derek attended the University of Western Ontario and studied Mechanical Engineering. My family is filled with hard-working, intelligent, and practical individuals which very much rubbed off on me.

In our family, my grandparents or parents’ generation did not go to University, they worked very hard for what they wanted and to provide for their families. I am very fortunate to have two extremely supportive parents who constantly pushed both my brother and me to be our best and also told us we would be successful no matter what we set our minds to. On the side of work ethics, my parents always taught us that things don’t come easy and you have to work for what you want. I carried their advice with me growing up, which helped me overcome a number of obstacles in both school and social aspects of my life.

In terms of food, I think myself and many people in my generation are becoming more conscious of what they are putting in their bodies and understanding more and more the impact our food has on the environment. I believe the new food guide is a big step to help Canadians live and eat more sustainably.

Being an accounting student, I am aware of my finances and focus on the value of what I am purchasing while also saving for the future. For many millennials, I believe this generation is more focused on living in the moment and spending money on what makes them happy rather than focusing on the future. This is not to say Millennials aren’t savers, but right now – I think my generation is really focused on enjoying life.

What do these words mean TL, Hangry, Cray, bae, lace, just saying WCW, MCM, ICYMI, I can’t even in millennial speak?

I have no idea what TL, Lace, and ICYMI mean.

Cray is short for crazy.

Hangry is when you’re both hungry and angry

Bae is similar to Babe which is someone you’re very fond of either as a friend or more than a friend

WCW and MCM are not acronyms I would ever use but they mean women crush Wednesday and man crush Monday. So, if you have a crush on someone you would use this acronym.

I’m can’t even is a term that is used when you don’t want to deal with something, are shocked, can’t believe something.

Tell me a good joke?

I don’t really know any good jokes. Jokes aren’t very millennial, it’s all about memes these days.

What should the generation X and baby boomers know about your generation?

To keep it simple, they should know that they can trust our generation to do good work and make things better, in our environment, politically, and in our daily lives.

The post Jillian Brown: Giving Back to the Community appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Stuck means you are in a situation that is unfortunate that you cannot get out of. Unstuck is the process and framework of getting out of that unfortunate situation.

The synonyms for stuck include: frozen, jammed, lodged, set, tight, wedged, and snug. There are certain words attached to stuck: bonded, cemented, glued, embedded, entrenched, immovable, and unyielding. You see where I am going.

It is a new year. We do not have to be stuck to old ideas, concepts, ways of doing things, and mindsets. These are literally harming you.

Getting unstuck is the answer. Become intentional and find ways and solutions to barriers that are holding you back.

I talk to Cheryl Patterson who holds a B.A. in Psychology from the University of Waterloo, in addition to an applied background in both counseling and business.

Her passion to help others led her from the daunting anticipation of doing it from a desk to being able to have more freedom and more of an impact as a freelance writer and magazine columnist for more than twenty years. She has inspired thousands of people with her health and well-being articles and columns in national and international magazines and continues to do so in her own publication.

Cheryl also continues to inspire people internationally with her podcast and book.

Cheryl shares her most vulnerable feelings and experiences in this interview.

Cheryl, welcome to FourColumns. I find writing cathartic. What drew you to writing?

Writing has always been a passion for me, originally as a way to express myself as a child, and later to also teach what I learn. I used to carry a book around with me in my 20’s to jot down ideas as I thought of them. I think one of my first ideas that randomly came to mind was about the stepping stones of life, and how our experiences were a step leading us to the next one.

I’ve also always wanted to help people. At first, I thought I wanted to do it through counseling, and got my B.A. in Psychology and counseling diploma. However, I realized that I could have just as much (if not more) impact through writing.

We all get stuck in life. Marriage with no romance or life, dead-end job, cynical family, toxic friends, and emotionally burned. How does your podcast deal with and talk about these issues?

The podcast, Unstuck: Stay Busy or Get Real, deals with all of these issues because they all come from core areas that we can pay attention to and begin to modify in simple ways in order to progress forward.

For instance, our self-worth can impact all of these areas we can get stuck in. If you’re struggling with low self-worth, how do you attract people in your life that will treat you like you deserve to be treated, or strive for the job you really want?

Once you realize some of the areas keeping you stuck, you can begin to make changes to improve them. The podcast provides insight into areas that can impact your personal or professional success and provides suggestions for actions that can help you get unstuck and move forward. This can be general life challenges, or ones that seem to come out of know where, or even periodically, like the holidays – a difficult time for a lot of people.

Do not get me started about the holidays. We create the perfect cards, the perfect ads on TV, the perfect romance, the perfect snowfall. Talk about this pressure and how to deal with it?

Like most stressful experiences, once you realize it’s taking its toll, then you can begin tweaking things to create improvements for the better.

Sometimes we do these holiday things in the guise of happiness, but if it’s not making you happy, take some time to think about why. Make a list of what’s making you happy, and what’s not. Share some of the responsibilities that someone else might not mind doing so that you can do more of what you enjoy. Pay attention to your wants and needs and make sure there’s a balance between this and what you do for others, and focus more on meaning and fulfillment rather than perfection.

For those who are alone or struggling because of loss around this time of year, creating change is your friend. Doing the same things will get you the same results, and feelings… Plan ahead for a different experience. Create new routines and traditions in support of feeling better. For instance, instead of mourning someone, honor them instead. Bake or cook something they used to (or used to like) as a special gesture to them. The ideas are endless. Just make it special and positive to create a new experience moving forward. I’ve been here and this is what helped me.

As I get older, my friends, career, family, and direction are all aligned with my goals and value. I also had to dig deep and see where I get my identity from. I was stuck in certain areas of how I thought. If we do not deal with it we get worried, stressed, ashamed, and feel unwanted. You deal with these issues in the book. Walk me through it?

Put simply, to be happy in life, in any area, we have to be real with ourselves, regarding what needs are being met from all of these areas you mentioned (relationships, career, goals, etc.), and which ones aren’t, and this comes from within.

It can be easy to blame the outside world regarding why things aren’t working, but this just keeps us stuck. It’s important to pay attention to things like how you’re feeling, what’s nagging at you, possible triggers, and possible things about yourself that may be holding you back.

Any struggle you experience is tied to your emotions (your subconscious), which inhibits your progress. We want to stay safe, even without realizing it, and even if it means we’re in pain or struggle because it’s what’s familiar and easy. To get unstuck, and get to where you want to go or to be the person you desire to be, means you have to be honest with yourself.

Do you have hidden shame, feel poorly about yourself (in spite of the brave front you present to the world), engage in the same scenarios over and over? This is all potential learning, letting you know that you have an opportunity for growth that can get you closer to your ideal self and experiences.

The more we learn about ourselves, our struggles and patterns, and why they’re there, the more we can live more in alignment with a happier and more fulfilling life. It opens us up to healthier relationships, achieves our goals, and makes living a more fulfilled life attainable.

The alternative is to keep things the same – to stay in emotional turmoil (i.e. shame, guilt, fear, worry, doubt, feeling poorly about yourself, etc.) – which will result in the same chaotic outcomes, and lead to poor health. You can’t be stressed and healthy simultaneously because your immune system is suppressed and your body is fighting a toxic chemical cocktail in this state.

My book, The Little Black Book For Getting Unstuck, provides some quick, simple, and straightforward ways that you can get unstuck, and live more in alignment with your ideal self and life. And I don’t just tell, I put myself out there too, and get vulnerable, and share some of my own obstacles that I’ve had to overcome in my life since childhood. Not pretty, but necessary.

Many of my readers are stuck. Give them hope for 2022?

I came from an unstable family, with parents that had no idea about how to deal with conflict, other than alcohol, violence, chaos, and breakups. Most of my childhood was spent in and out of foster care. Fortunately, I was one of the fortunate ones because of some of the people I met that helped me feel loved and worthy enough to require more from myself than to become the negative things I saw.

Thankfully, I’ve also always had a mind of my own, and although my past created many obstacles for me to overcome, such as low self-worth (something that took me a lifetime to realize was even an issue), shame, fear, doubt, I pushed through. If I ran into situations I wanted to overcome, I learned about how to improve them, and I still do. I’ve been passionate about putting every lesson, tool, story, or experience into practice to become the person I want to be, living the life I want to live. It hasn’t always been easy for me, but perseverance and learning have been everything. Learning really has been powerful for me because it enables growth and success.

If I could give you one tip for 2022, it would be to carve out 10-15 minutes a day to learn something that will improve your situation. The most impactful learning will be about yourself, and it doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as learning about a few practices you can add to your day to help you stay accountable for whatever goal you’re striving for, or to help you maintain self-confidence in an area you’re struggling with or ways to feel better. Think about an area that you’re struggling with and start from there. And never give up.

I have a morning ritual that starts with things that keep me feeling peaceful and happy (an open vs. closed state for achieving daily tasks/goals), even on those days, it feels challenging. Meditation, journaling (including gratitude), and learning are three staples that are as important as brushing my teeth. Think about a little ritual you can create for yourself to set the pace for your day, inspire and keep you feeling balanced, and act as a buffer and a preventative for those days you feel off.

The post Getting Unstuck: How To Become Happier appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Money touches everything. It affects how we sleep, how we eat, how we raise our children, and how we dream about the future. Yet too often, we treat finances like a separate compartment of life, disconnected from faith, family, and well-being.

What if we approached money the way we approach health, looking at the whole picture instead of isolated parts?

In this conversation, Jason Trueman, Portfolio Manager with Cumberland Private Wealth Management, shares why a holistic approach to household finances matters. From buying a quality mattress to investing with discipline, Jason explains how thoughtful spending, long-term vision, and balance can create not just wealth, but freedom and peace of mind.

Welcome to Four Columns, where food, faith, finance, and family are not separate conversations, but part of the same story.

Jason, welcome to Four Columns, a holistic blog on food, faith, finance, and family. Please tell me a little about yourself.

I am a Portfolio Manager with Cumberland Private Wealth Manager. Cumberland is headquartered in Toronto. I work with a talented team in Kingston, Ontario, including a CFP, CA, CPA, and TEP, providing holistic wealth management services for successful Canadian families and business owners.

How did you end up in personal finance?

I graduated from Queen’s University with a Bachelor of Commerce Degree. I received my CFA charter in 2001. I started my career as an Underwriter with Chubb Insurance. I was recruited by AIG and worked in Bermuda for 7 years before returning to Kingston to raise our young family in 2010.

Give me three tips on how to have a holistic approach to personal finance?

Control your spending by buying things you need and on an average cost basis (i.e. you will spend one-third of your life on a mattress so buy a good one).

Be disciplined with your investing. Buy dominant companies with great management who care about both their customers and their shareholders (these are rare and require work to find).

There is a balance between disciplined spending and enjoying your life; life is short so if you need a trip or a new car or new shoes to enjoy your life then spend the money.

What happens when we live on credit cards and not on our salary?

Credit cards that you pay off in full on a monthly basis and never pay interest on and accumulate rewards are great. When you overspend and pay exorbitant interest living beyond your means then you will suffer from difficult financial decisions and increasing stress.

How important is it to have a budget as part of a holistic approach to our personal finance?

I find long-term goals are helpful in providing meaning to your actions like why am I going to work and saving for my child’s education or retirement. Budgets help keep your life and spending in order; like a calendar and daily to-do lists.

What are some important tips to start saving?

Paying off your higher interest-bearing debt is most important. Taking advantage of government savings programs like RESPs, RRSPs and TFSAs is enormously important as well. Again, buying things you need (healthy food, a quality mattress) instead of buying things you want for status and cost a lot on a per-use basis (the tenth pair of shoes, vacation properties) is critically important.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family?

I believe in humanity; if we all do our part to contribute, we collectively accomplish amazing things. If you don’t spend money on healthy food then you’ll pay the price with poor health and physical limitations. Finance is about independence; ideally, a career doing something you enjoy while creating financial freedom to do nothing if you so choose. Raising kind, caring and confident children who find something productive they love to do in life are our number one job as parents.

Can you recommend some great restaurants in Kingston?

Kingston has an enormous array of awesome restaurants – having 35,000 students in the city helps. I prefer local family-owned restaurants such as Tango, Woodenheads, and Harpers.

You manage money for the wealthy, what have you learned from the experience? Do they have a holistic approach?

Success usually requires some form of sacrifice at some stage in their life. For many that mean focusing on academic excellence instead of always finding the nearest party. For others, that means pursuing an idea, a vision, and taking on considerable financial risk, and working excessive hours to make their dream a reality.

How important is food to you?

Food has an enormous impact on how you feel and how you look. Humanity would benefit from healthier eating with lower health care costs, lower greenhouse gas emissions, and an overall more productive society and cleaner earth.

The post Holistic Approach to Household Finances appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Gardening has taught me so many lessons in life.

I want to give you some quotes from famous people regarding gardening:

I think the true gardener, the older he grows, should more and more develop a humble, grateful and uncertain spirit. – Reginald Farrer

A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all, it teaches entire trust. – Gertrude Jekyll

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. – Greek proverb

Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace. – May Sarton

Introduction

We are one week into fall. As a result, the weather is changing. It is getting darker earlier. The leaves are changing color. In conclusion, it is time to start pruning the garden.

I have been a city boy for most of my life. Therefore, buying a home with a garden was an experience in itself.

We moved in the summer when the flowers and everything in the garden was blooming. However, little did I realize the work involved in maintaining it.

The first year I noticed the grass on my lawn going brown. A neighbor told me he sensed it would be white grubs.  Grubs are larvae of beetles and attack the roots of turfgrass.

Since the home was barely new, the builder had put the sod on the original mud rather than a thick layer of topsoil. As I drove around the hood, the best grass was that which was growing on a thick layer of topsoil.

I took the easy route. I went to a construction site. They were offering free topsoil. It was a weed-infested. Guess what no grass showed up but weeds.

Last year I ordered a whole truck of topsoil. I ordered the best grass seeds. For three weeks in September, I mixed the seed and the topsoil. The lawn looks the best in years.

Lessons learned

We need to build our lives on a solid base. Character is important. Discipline will take us through the hard times.

To have a great garden you must have patience, a nurturing spirit, and a willingness to sweat. Nature provides the sun we provide the water, fertilizer, and hard work. To have a career or to excel in anything, you have to work hard.

To see a small seed become a sprout, a plant, and then a tree that gives fruits and flowers is so encouraging. In the same way to see your project, your kids, or a friendship blossom into something is going to be encouraging.

The garden will go through a cycle. Life has its trials and tribulations. There will be things beyond our control. Mother Nature is a formidable foe when she wishes to be. Drought, wind, insects are some of the challenges. Better to approach an uncertain world with an open mind. Stay flexible.

In the backyard, we had a big sumac tree. What was the couple thinking planting in the backyard? I found out the hard way. About 20 feet away from the tree, shoots started coming. It was destroying my grass. Sumac is an aggressive plant and can take over a garden. It took me a whole month to cut the tree and its roots. Keep aggressive, toxic, and nosy people at a distance.

I love perennials. They show up every year. Make sure you have friends like that. As Debbie battled cancer it was the loyal friends who showed up.

Annuals are planted every year. They look beautiful for a reason and for a specific season. Sometimes, we have people like that in our lives only for a short time, for a season, and for a reason.

The garden hose has many choices; focused, mist, spray. We need to encourage a million times, love a billion times, and rebuke but rarely.

Pruning is very important for the plants and at the right time. When we focus on the simple and the practical, life turns around. We embrace change and allow our lives and hearts to grow. Change is a constant factor in our lives.

Flowers and plants that grow in the desert and in a milder climate cannot be grown here. Different soils, ph. levels, weather patterns all have an impact. All our five fingers are different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Focus on those and have fun. Comparing yourself to someone else will lead to disaster. Accept the fact the world is unfair and monetize skills differently.

I do not grow fruits or vegetables. My mother-in-law grows them. Potatoes and carrots teach what you do not see matters. Pass on the glitz, glamour, volatility, and the unpredictable in your life.

The result of the garden is the choices you make. People can be flowers in your garden or weeds. Pluck the weeds to let everything grow.

You need a bunch of garden tools. Axes, carts, cords, fork, footwear, hoes, rake, spades, shovel, trellis are some of the tools to be efficient. Education along with practical sense, humility, gentleness, kindness, patience, unconditional love, and emotional intelligence goes a long way in being successful in real life and in the workplace.

We can never be experts in every field. Ask for advice read books. Learn from other people’s mistakes. Go ahead and blossom where you are planted.

These are some of the life lessons I have learned from gardening.

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Kylie is a personal trainer, fitness nutritionist specialist, and mother. She is a firm believer in women empowering themselves and to practice intentional living. This intentional living is a blessing that gives you the power to nourish your body and soul and to thrive with self-love, self-worth, and confidence. It will make you radiant in every area of life.

Kylie, tell me something unique and different about you?

I love journaling! I once heard someone say, “Wisdom lies in the questions, not the answers.” It is through journaling that I truly understood how powerful questions are. The prompts in journals always set me off into deep thoughts and reflections, uncovering so many insights and clarity. Journaling has expanded my views and guided me to give thoughts on critical issues and aspects of life that I normally wouldn’t have given much attention to. So, I am constantly on a lookout for good journals!

I love the word empowering and intentional living. Talk to me about how you use it in your practice?

To bring health and nutrition effortlessly into your life, it’s crucial that we look at your life in its entirety rather than just solely nutrition. You are a real person with a career to excel in, family to raise, and passions to pursue. Your life doesn’t revolve just around nutrition. It’s not realistic to focus only on nutrition and neglect other aspects of your life. Merging intentional living with nutrition will allow these two components to sync and flow seamlessly; rather than trying to fit things in haphazardly. Intentional living is integrated through journaling components in the Nutrition Blueprint that my clients will be crafting.

Talking about empowerment, there are many ways to empower oneself. There are also many ways people give up their power unknowingly. In the case of nutrition, some of us change and compromise our lifestyle to adhere to meal plans or diets. We are giving up our rights to live life the way we desire and often end up feeling miserable. Education is one way of empowering yourself to take your power back but there’s a catch.

Knowledge is important but the ability to apply this knowledge safely, effectively and consistently is critical. True empowerment through education is achieved when you combine knowledge with skillsets to implement them. Information alone seldom leads to results. You can buy as many meal plans, fitness plans or courses as you like. If you don’t work on them consistently or if you don’t apply them appropriately, nothing will work.

It’s not my practice to give my clients a meal plan or diet and ask them to “Follow this and don’t deviate.” I equip my clients with essential nutrition knowledge, so they know the reason why they are doing something. They will know the purpose of every step and action plan. It will never be a case of “doing it for the sake of doing” without understanding. I also develop their skillsets to implement nutrition principles so that nutrition flow into their life and is sustainable. These skillsets will also work for other aspects of their life, be it picking up a new hobby or a new habit. Combining knowledge, skills, and clarity, my clients will truly be empowered. They can confidently make adjustments and be flexible about how they integrate nutrition principles into their life.

What kind of a coach are you? I like that you say if someone is looking for a quick fix then you are not the right fit.

I’m a firm believer that it’s not what you do that matters, it’s whether you can do it consistently. No matter how small the action is, if you can do it consistently, you will see results. Most importantly, it will last. Never undermine the power of small, consistent actions. Quick fixes may give you great results, but if it’s not a lifestyle that you can keep up in the long run, the results won’t last. You will go back to where you began and start over again and again. It becomes a vicious cycle that repeats indefinitely. You will be deflated and feel like a total failure even when it’s not exactly your fault. It’s just a fact that quick fixes are not meant to yield long-term sustainable results.

I know life is busy and can be messy, which may be the reason why quick fixes seem so attractive. No matter which stage you are in your health journey, I will meet you where you are. Together we will work with your lifestyle, your schedule, your level of ability, your resources, your environment, your preferences, etc. It’s about integrating things in a harmonious manner rather than forcing nutrition into their life.

Walk me through your struggles with motherhood, what changed and how are you a different person?

I have had several health issues that I needed to deal with postpartum. Juggling motherhood and health issues were tough. I constantly felt guilty when I needed to take some time off for myself. I also felt like a failure when I couldn’t manage the daily responsibilities of taking care of a newborn, housework, etc. I crumbled under the stress. I knew I had to work through those struggles but there was no clear solution.

On a random day when I was observing my child fumbling with her toys and trying to figure out how the toy works, I had a sudden realization. I felt so much joy seeing her explore. Even when she made a mistake, I would still cheer her on. We are so forgiving towards babies who are learning and yet we are so harsh on ourselves when falling short on our own expectations and mistakes. That moment, I knew how I can work things out. That is to act from a place of love.

I stopped picking on my shortcomings. I reminded myself that I am still learning as a first-time mother and patient. I focused on my strengths and what I can do best for my child and my health. I cheered myself on, just like how I cheered my child on. With this approach, my blind spots slowly surfaced. It’s like I’m learning about myself all over again. I’ve re-learned so many values and mind-sets together with my child.

Since then, I see myself as a student of life, always learning and growing. Challenges are lessons that life uses to nurture and teach us. It’s ok to stumble and fall, just like a baby falls while learning to walk. It’s also important to have some form of a self-care routine to help you rest and rejuvenate. It’s only when you are in a great space mentally and physically will you be able to give your 100%. It’s true to say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

We are living fast lives and never slowing down at the expense of our health and nutrition. Give me a more realistic way as to how we can approach this?

In this hectic world, we are constantly multitasking and even operating on auto-pilot mode. It’s no wonder so many of us are burned-out and stopped noticing the little things in life. It may even sound daunting to allocate time for health and nutrition.

Truth is, we don’t need big and extreme actions to improve our health and nutrition.

Remember we discussed small consistent actions earlier on? Here’s how you can approach it:

1. Decide on an area you would like to improve on or a goal you would like to achieve.
2. List down actions that you think will help you in reaching that goal.
3. Pick one action you are confident in implementing successfully.
4. Ask yourself if the action is small enough to be acted on consistently on a daily basis.
   1. If yes, decide how exactly you are going to do it and then do it!
   2. If no, think about how you can break that action down into smaller steps that can be acted on consistently every day.
5. Once you feel comfortable and are able to act on this action consistently, you can repeat the process to select another action.

The key is to make that step small, easy and quick to do. It may be as simple as drinking one extra glass of water every day or doing a 5 minutes’ stretch every morning. As long as you can do it consistently, you are doing great! You can download the cheat sheet here for quick reference.

If I hire you as a coach, can I go to Mcdonalds, have a coke, and eat ice cream?

Yes, you can! In fact, McDonald’s’ is my favorite fast-food chain. I love their Fillet-O-Fish burger, French fries, and Hot Fudge Sundae! Adhering to any particular diet or cutting out any food category is not necessary unless it is due to a medical condition or required by your medical doctor. There’s no “bad” or “good” food. It’s how we eat and how much we eat that matters. In excessive quantity, even beneficial nutrients like Vitamin A can become toxic.

Talk to me about the city you live in. I want to know the food scene and the amazing restaurants and why should we visit?

I’m from the sunny island of Singapore! It’s summer all year round over here. If you love the sun and beach, our island is the perfect travel destination.

Food Centres are where the locals usually go for our daily meals. There’s a wide range of tasty food selection, all at affordable prices. The best part is you can enjoy Michelin Starred food at the Food Centres without breaking the bank! Tian Tian Hainanese Chicken Rice is possibly the most famous chicken rice in Singapore. Its flagship stall is at Maxwell Food Centre. American celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain once commented that the rice from Tian Tian is exceptionally fragrant, flavorsome, and is delicious on its own. There was an exciting “Hawker Heroes Challenge” in 2013 which Gordon Ramsay took part in and lost out to Tian Tian. So be sure to try Tian Tian Hainanese Chicken Rice when you visit Singapore!

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Ricardo Lopes is an award-winning author, speaker, trainer, and coach at Advanced Leadership. Advanced Leadership is a creative and enthusiastic group that’s passionate about empowering businesses, and the people in them, to meet with greater success. It lends expertise and support in communications, training, employee engagement, and performance. In essence, it helps organizations, and the people in them, better communicate, collaborate, and generate extraordinary results, both within the organization and with their customers.  Ricardo has held several communications, training and development, and national sales development roles generating perennial record sales performances over multiple decades. Ricardo has coaching, speaking, and training accreditation from The John C. Maxwell Team and licensed access to its training materials. John C. Maxwell is a many time over best-selling author and is recognized internationally as one of the world’s top leadership and management development experts. Ricardo talks about coaching and how it helps improve performance.

Ricardo please tell me a little about you?

I’m a coach, speaker, and trainer at Advanced Leadership. We’re a learning and performance company that empowers organizations and the people in them, to better communicate, collaborate, and generate extraordinary results – with their peers, customers, and the teams they’re privileged to lead.  I’ve worked for almost 30 years in the business and corporate worlds, contributing in several roles such as a national business development coach and communications specialist more recently, and as a sales manager, sales officer trainer, and communication consultant, etc. prior to that.

How do you help executives increase their unique value proposition?

I work with individuals to identify the strengths that make them unique and help them play to them.  No one does you as well as you do you.  When you contribute to areas of strength, results come more naturally to you and you can accomplish far more in that area than someone who’s struggling or not engaged in the task at hand. The trick is to challenge yourself continually, by applying those strengths to new challenges, to ensure you keep growing.  

How important is it for an executive to communicate effectively?

I can’t think of anything MORE important.  But let’s be clear about something, according to the Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule of Personal Communication, words only make up 7% of any message. Voice tonality and body language contribute 38% and 55%, respectively, to the intended meaning of a message.  This is why you can watch two people relay the same request with great variation in how people respond.  There are a number of leadership skills that executives need to develop to better influence, inspire, and generate results.  These are the soft skills that are mandatory and are very accurate predictors of how far any leader will go. No one cares how smart you are, the question is, do you have the leadership skills to influence, inspire, and generate results with a group of uniquely skilled individuals around you?

Is it important to get a little deeper when networking or should we just get the business card?

Less is more.  Meet with fewer people, get to know them, and build trust.  We do business with and create business opportunities for, people we know, like, and trust.  You can have the greatest skills or widget to sell, but if you fail to develop that connection, your business card will meet with someone’s wastepaper basket.  I might be showing my age but I love business cards.  I think they say something about a person.  I like to write two or three things that make that person unique right on the card when I get home and save them. You can only discover that information after investing some time with them. I organize them by groups of people I affiliate with and like to flip through them before I attend an event.  Even with the best of intentions, it’s hard to remember every detail when you meet so many people.  It takes a little bit of effort to flip through these mini cue cards, but the reward is seeing the smile of appreciation on that person’s face when you’ve remembered them and made them feel special.

How important is it for an executive to have balance in their lives?

Very Important. Balance brings a diversity of experience and thought that makes you more valuable to the organization. Balance makes sure you have the energy to endure the crunch. Balance ensures you are clear about your ‘why’.  When you clearly identify what you value outside of work, and allow yourself to participate in those activities or the lives of others, they become inspirations.  They help you find the last bit of gas in the tank that you need, to do what you must, in order to provide the means to continue to enjoy those moments outside of work.

You were in financial services for more than two decades give me some personal advice on finance?

First save, save, save.  Deduct right off your paycheck and learn to live within what’s left.

Second, there’s a great little button on most income tax software, “How much can I borrow such that my tax refund will pay off the loan”.  Now take your refund and pay off the loan you just took to grow your savings.  Let’s say you borrowed five grand and deposited it to your RRSP savings, now you have five grand plus all the growth it’s going to generate between now and the day in retirement when you take it out. All this, for what it cost you in nominal interest charges incurred from the day you borrowed and the day your tax refund was applied against the loan.

How is your coaching unique and helps executives feeling more empowered?

I love that word! If I could describe what we do in three words, it would be “Authentically you, empowered”. I would say my approach to coaching draws a clear line between coaching and mentoring.  They are not one and the same.  It’s troubling to watch pairings of individuals where the expectation is that a poor millennial is supposed to somehow follow, and start emulating, a decorated baby boomer or GenX for example.  I’ve met with success in leadership positions driving sales etc., but it would be a less productive coaching session if I tried to grow a mini-me.  What worked for me played to my strengths and worked in a time and place.  Even if I executed exactly as I did some years ago, the dynamics and circumstances could have changed and hence the same approach, by the same person, executed the same way, isn’t guaranteed to work.  I encourage clients to identify their strengths and play to them, this generates small and large wins that build confidence and momentum.

One other unique aspect I would say is addressing belief paradigms and the battle between the conscious and unconscious mind.  The unconscious is supposed to protect us and keep us safe from the unknown or re-experiencing something that put us in harm’s way.  Sometimes, those belief paradigms serve us well, other times they’re holding us back, and we need someone outside our head to encourage us to push past them. Once we’ve pushed past them and succeed, our subconscious accepts a new normal and will no longer generate the very real physical manifestation of pain, anxiety, etc. in its attempts to discourage us from going for it!

What other value do you bring to help authentically empower others?

I like to describe our company as a passionate and enthusiastic bunch who enjoy empowering organizations and the people in them, to meet with greater success.  How we help, is by lending support and expertise in four key areas; communications, training, employee engagement, and performance.  What we do essentially is to help organizations and the people in them better communicate, collaborate, and generate extraordinary results, both within the organization and with their customers.  As an example, to kick off the new year in 2019, we’re doing training for entrepreneurs and small business that is open to the general public.  We’re helping them craft messages to effectively promote their business in public and close the sale while building their confidence. Many wonderful people are great artisans, service people, or craftspeople, but they are not salespeople and may never be. When you get big enough, you can pass on promoting your business in public and closing the sale of your widget or book to someone else. Until then, you need to get it done yourself, or risk being one of 50% of businesses who fail within the first five years. Often, the failure has nothing to do with the service or product they provide, the challenge is their inability to sell it.  It’s also heart-wrenching to meet a perennial networker whose own inner circle is hard-pressed to describe what that person does!  Even with the best intentions, their inner circle doesn’t know how to promote their fellow networker because they don’t have clear messaging regarding just what they do or sell.  Our event will empower these folks to conquer their fear of public speaking, promote their business and close the sale. Together we’ll craft engaging value propositions, elevator speeches, and on stage / public presentations in a 3-day over 4-weeks experiential learning workshop.

How do you balance food, faith, finance, and family in the 21st century?

Balance to me means you acknowledge the importance of different aspects of a full, and well-functioning life.  That involves setting goals and executing them in each area.  Food is your body’s enricher.  Garbage in, garbage out. Plan and do the work to eat well.  Faith, if you’re blessed with it, will help you better appreciate you’re a spiritual being having a human experience, not the other way around.  That said, take care of your body such that you have a place to carry your inner being, while having the strength and wellness to do, and experience, all that you can on this journey.  Finance is an enabler; it’s not the most important thing in one’s life, but it’s right up there next to oxygen! Family love you, often unconditionally.  It’s hard to find a stronger set of raving fans.  Schedule time together, even if it’s the most mundane “I drive you to x event”, and “mom drives you to y event”.  Put down the smartphone and talk to each other, be present.  Schedule couple time/family time with as much commitment as you would the most important thing you have to do because it is.

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Meira Dholakia is a go-getter and a super achiever. I admire her focus, strength, and determination. We talk about her journey after university.

International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8^th every year. It is an important day for women’s rights. On February 28, 1909, the Socialist Party of America organized a Women’s Day in New York City. In 1910 at the International Socialist Woman’s Conference, German delegates Paula Thiede, Kate Duncker, and Clara Zetkin suggested a ‘special Women’s Day’ be organized. In 1917, women gained suffrage in Russia and March 8 became a national holiday. Women’s Day was celebrated only in communist and socialist countries. In 1967, the feminist movement adopted it. In 1977, the United Nations began celebrating it.

Four Columns is all about inspiring and empowering women to live a balanced life. To celebrate Women’s Day, I am interviewing various women, from different backgrounds.

Meira Dholakia, a pleasure to have you on board. Do tell me something important about you?

I was born in Dubai and raised in Richmond Hill, Ontario. I studied International Business with a major in Accounting at the Schulich School of Business at York University.  I represented York University on the Track & Field team. I am about to obtain the CPA designation, having recently passed the final CPA exam. I am currently working as an Auditor at Deloitte and work part-time as a Group Fitness Instructor at Movati Athletic in Richmond Hill. Fitness has always been one of my passions.  After retiring as a track athlete, I obtained the Personal Training Specialist certification to keep fitness as part of my lifestyle and those around me.

Meira, you are cool, an athlete and an accountant.  An exciting combination. Talk to me about your passion for accounting?

I have always loved math as a child. After taking the accounting course for the first time in high school, I realized that this is a career, where I could use my math and analytical skills. In university, I learned that there is much more to accounting than simply numbers. I learned that it is not always black and white and that professional judgment is what makes it more exciting. The fascinating part about accounting is the story that you can tell, by simply reading a company’s financial statements.

Walk me through your life experience. What did you learn from these experiences and how has it changed you?

I’ve learned that if you love something enough, you will always make time for it – as I have for sports, Track & Field, and fitness today.  I have had the opportunity to teach street kids in India, Math, and English. I was amazed that they could teach me about how lucky I was to live in such a great country with innumerable opportunities.

This experience reminds me to be thankful for everything I have. My exposure to the Far East when I studied one semester in Singapore, was amazing. I learned about different cultures and food, and adaptability in any environment. I documented this experience through a blog, capturing important moments that were read by many.

Who are the Millennials? What do they want? What do they want to change in present-day society?

Millennials want to change society’s old ways of chasing money. Millennials want to make a difference in the world and feel like they are making a direct positive impact. We want to help our environment and benefit society while making money – that’s why there is an increased awareness of corporate social responsibility for businesses.

What should employers know about you and treat you at work?

Employers should know flexibility is important. The more flexibility I am provided, the happier I will be. I am fortunate that Deloitte allows me to pursue my passion for fitness outside of work as it provides me with the perfect balance of mental and physical challenges. My work environment has been supportive in my endeavors, which places me among the lucky few; and I am thankful for that.

What are some of the social and other causes that you are passionate about, which the past generations missed out on?

I am passionate about health and wellness. ​Our society is becoming increasingly competitive as the generations progress. With this increased competitiveness, we overlook the importance of our health and well-being – whether it be exercising, eating healthy, or making time to do the things that make us happy. As a certified personal trainer, I am passionate about improving the mental and physical health of others through the power of exercise.

What do food, faith, family, and finance mean to Millennials?

Family and faith are extremely important. I find that most Millennials forget about the importance of family and family time. I enjoy eating home-cooked meals at the table with my family and spending time with them because I know that they are always there for me no matter what – this should not be taken for granted. Managing finances is also very important, which many Millennials lack. I’m happy that financial literacy is now being introduced in the Ontario school curriculum for students. Through Deloitte’s Impact Day I taught elementary school kids ‘Financial Literacy’, in partnership with Junior Achievement.

What do on fleek, dipset, bae mean in Millennial speak?

On fleek = perfect, dipset = to leave, bae = someone you love (ex. girlfriend/boyfriend).

All right, Meira, you tell me accountants are not boring. I get it. Let’s see if accountants have a sense of humor. Tell me a joke?

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast.

What should Gen X and Baby Boomers know about the Millennials?

Millennials are a very misunderstood generation. We are not lazy, as seems to be depicted, and neither are we self-absorbed. We are a generation that cares about their planet earth, social causes, well being of people, and are more efficient and innovative. We believe we can make the world a better place.

The post Meira Dholakia: Who Says Accountants Are Boring? appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is the meaning of life?

I have known Mayple Dorrington since I started my career at Scotia Bank. Mayple was Director, Communications and Change Management at Scotia Bank.  Mayple recently wrote a book called Finding: The Oasis in my Soul. It is a journal, an encouraging journey through the spectrum of real-life experiences of trials and triumphs. As you read her book, you can relate to it. You will see a reflection of your own experiences. The book asks some relevant questions about having an empty void within us, do we have doubts about our gifts, weaknesses,  our purpose, and our identity?

I am a big fan of gratitude, and this book challenges my thinking to transform my mind and to get a deeper conviction of love and purpose in my life. If you are struggling with insecurity, fear, uncertainty, or anxiety, get the book, become empowered, lead an authentic life, and transform yourself into what you are intended to be.  This is the first of a two-part interview.

Mayple, a true honor to have you talk to four columns. Tell my audience a little bit about you?

Jerry, firstly I want to thank you for the opportunity to participate in your blog. I’m deeply honored to be having this dialogue with you and your audience.

Born on the beautiful island of Jamaica I grew up in a happy, loving family cushioned in a viable business environment.   The business became a casualty following the aftermath of the 1970s economic downturn in my country and the outcome later triggered my family’s immigration to another beautiful country, Canada. With a business mindset, I later pursued that area of study and embarked on an amazing career in the financial industry that spanned 3 continents with direct access to over 27 countries.  Alongside my banking occupation of choice, I am an author and a motivational speaker.  My professional designations include an economist, chartered banker, high school teacher and a personal financial planner.

I am a devout Christian who anchored my beliefs, decisions, and hope in the power of the risen Jesus Christ.  With my teaching discipline, I constantly volunteer my skills for mentoring and coaching and by my mentees’ own admission, I have the knack to identify, develop and empower countless persons in reaching their personal goals.

Having said that, my passion is primarily centered around the relationships I forged working with people drawn from across the globe and living in the most multicultural city in the world. Through these experiences, I learned how to coexist with people, understand their behaviors, outlook, and preferences, and dispense greater tolerance, acceptance, and compassion in helping others. An area that keeps me growing is to intentionally embrace the power of mindfulness. This awareness constantly provokes and inspires me to challenge my mind, peel away layers of obscurity, to look deeper and wider for insights toward the path in finding truths.

Finding: The oasis in my soul. It is an intense name for a book. How did the book come about? What is the main message? Who is the audience? What is unique and different about the message?  

Jerry, there’s lots to unpack here… yes,  the name is indeed intense. You may notice I deliberately said “Finding” and not “Find” or “Found” because it’s a journey, not a destination. My book chronicles an inspiring journey through the lens of my real-life experiences of trials and triumphs and using what I have been through to come to a place of what I now know for sure.

Strangely the genesis of my book was drawn from my wanderlust nature.  Traveling to many countries, living amongst diverse nationalities, and conversing with numerous people from different walks of life, age, and outlook; hearing their stories, the many dreams realized, the hardships overcame, and bouncing back from mistakes, I realized how much we all have in common.

I wrote the book to expose our human commonality and to express how I cultivate the power to confront and stare down the debilitating state of uncertainty, worry, and fear.  How like myself, we can overcome our shortcomings and elevate our talents and self-worth to be the best.

During my speaking engagements, after sharing my story, which is often intertwined with slices from the lives of many others, seeing the visceral reaction of agreement from my diverse audience, I validated how we all want to feel valued, loved, and accepted. The main point is to have a positive self-image of not who I am, but who God intended me to be.  How I claim truth and confidence from the backdrop of biblical examples of trust, faith, and obedience.  Each chapter illustrates a meaningful life experience, which is brutally frank about what I learned, the impact of the practical application, and my spiritual transformation. Each reader will walk away with valuable nuggets to build their confidence and self-worth.

My core objective and the key message are to challenge the readers’ thinking and arouse a sense of gratitude, wonder, and introspection, allowing us to draw from an ever-renewing Oasis where we can replace worry, fear, and doubt with the joyful assurance of God’s promises and faithfulness.

The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive that this is exactly the response it evokes. I painted a graphic picture of my experiences, whether illness, a hero to zero career moves, friendship betrayal, family choices, to be transformed, to come to a place of rest, not a place of stop, but resting on the dependence and assurance of God’s love while seeking new adventures to spread my wings.  The overarching message may not be unique or different, but it’s worth reinforcing to keep us building self-awareness on how we can draw inspiration and hope from seemingly common encounters and events in our lives. It about seeing and acknowledging God’s love and handiwork in all aspects of our lives.

Explain to me what does women’s empowerment means to you?    

Empowerment is about acting on my own volition, having options, having the autonomy to make choices.  Really, Jerry, it’s to emancipate me from the sense of powerlessness, to become self-determined, being able to take charge of my life by owning my decisions, circumstances, hopes, and dreams, growing stronger, wiser, and more confident.

Having said that, for me, I do not believe women’s empowerment is independent of the influence of men. I strongly believe men and women were created with different, but complementary traits. When working in unity, we unleash the freedom to both look outward, naturally curious in opening ourselves to the universe, feeling supported to take risks, and to reimagine possibilities based on the imagery of how to think, rather than the limitation of what to think.

I have countless examples of gender neutrality during brainstorming, problem-solving, and trouble-shooting that delivered the optimum results, mainly because women are allowed the latitude, civility, and respect to explore and articulate their thoughts without judgment or fear. This type of liberation allows me to embrace and benefit from a diversity of thoughts; to see ideas from various points of view, despite differences reaching common ground, by filtering everything through what is pleasing to God. Why, because like all good things, true and authentic empowerment comes from honoring the will of God.

I am a big fan of being authentic and leading a transparent life. Help me understand what you mean by living an authentic life?    

Yes, Jerry, authentic and transparent are two buzz words presently tossed around a lot! Irrespective of the scholarly definition, at the core, this is about living one’s truth, what we know for sure, which can be shaped by our many experiences.

For me, it is when my values and beliefs are compatible with the integrity of my doctrine, actions, and words. It’s about self-awareness, knowing myself at a deep level, accepting my multi-faceted traits, my strengths, and imperfections; having the desire to continuously grow as I reconcile my good, bad and ugly qualities, which are common to all of us. I find that oftentimes, with increasing societal pressure, we lean into what the world prescribed as a success.  Whether to gain wealth, fame, alter our appearance or job aspiration, we can compromise who we are created to be which often leads to self-loathing, and unhappiness.

To justify my point, let’s take a look at the billions in revenue generated from cosmetic industries, fake content, scamming, Ponzi schemes, and the like. You see, in our humanness, our hearts are deceitful, full of pride, and can easily trap us in a state of denial and falseness to elevate ourselves. I am not immune to this pretense, but growing in spiritual maturity and wisdom, I try to be deliberate in not allowing this malignant state to frighten or paralyze me, but to be powered by my dependence on the spirit God graciously places within us.  As I summon the courage to live from a place of acceptance, growth, humility, and inner peace, only then, I can be the best expression of myself, which will be evident to impact others as I attract, influence, and sustain meaningful relationships.

The post Mayple Dorrington: Finding the Meaning of Life appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Paula Eriya migrated from Jamaica to Toronto as a young girl and spent her teenage years in New York City, where she was exposed to a wide canvas of fashion, culture, the arts, and beauty. Paula’s time in New York inspired her to make her own impact in the beauty industry, and she has since worked with fashion designers, musicians, and artists to encourage them through mentorship to cultivate their own style and expression in their respective fields.

A devoted mother of four, Paula has turned her time and talents toward giving back to her community. Her greatest passion is serving widows, single mothers, and young adults, and she has put together a team to assist single mothers to dress for success and confidently re-enter the workforce. As well, she has held events to showcase young entrepreneurs in fashion, music, and the arts. Paula and her family have had the life-changing opportunity to take part in the yearly Hope Worldwide of Canada events, which help raise funds to support many community organizations.

Paula is known for her impeccable taste, style, and progressive techniques, which impress her clients and foster a relationship of lasting trust.

Paula congrats on the success of the Beauty Lounge Salon and Spa. Walk me through your thought process about how you started the salon and spa?

Jerry, I have been in the business for over 28 years. I have this burning desire to help people look and feel their best. I had five salons before this one.  I wanted to merge my faith along with my services to my clients in the best way possible.  I decided to go back to school in 2012. Funny enough, I went to Tyndale for 4 years to get my undergrad in Religious Education. I found the structure of my study helped me in many ways to deal with my diverse clientele on a day-to-day basis.  Beauty Lounge Salon and Spa came about while I was in my final year in school. I wanted to get back in the business right away and the opportunity presented itself.

What were the initial challenges?

My initial challenge was start-up cash. I was in school for four years not working. Banks could not loan us any money as we had no collateral. God opened doors. I had a very kind investor and two friends who also invested as shareholders in the business. I got enough to purchase the business outright and a small amount for operations, we had to go through a few bad employees to find the right ones.

Did you take a course in business and hair styling or it is something you learned along the way?

I went to school to train in Salon business operations. I learned some practical skills along the way.  I have had a love for this business since I was 15 years old.

Talk to me about what it means for women to be empowered in the 21st century?

It is amazing to be among the empowered women in the 21st century. Today, women have a voice in politics, media, schools, and the corporate world altogether. We are entrepreneurs, leaders, lawyers, doctors and so much more. Women are making legislative laws and impacting society on a whole. I am grateful to live in a country that recognizes women for their contribution in the various sectors, and for the women’s movement that advocates for the needs of the sick, children, and the elderly. I think overall women’s role in the 21st century has advanced beyond what we hoped for and expected.

What are the hairstyles and trends for 2019?

For 2019, big hairstyles, big eyebrows, and loud colors are back like in the movie, Hairspray. Some people are into trends and fashion while others are into the more classic look. Multi-color, Balayage, and really whatever the customers like. Trend or no trend, people like what they like and I like to fit my client into the area and lifestyle they live in.

Why should my female audience come to your salon?

Your female clients should come to me because:

1. We are an environmentally friendly salon, we are Green Circled certified, which means that we recycle 90% of all waste in our salon.
2. We offer many services; our Salon and Spa are a one-stop-shop to meet all your beauty needs (from head to toe).
3. Our product is mostly Vegan, Organic, and Natural.
4. We offer 4 choices in our nail polishes, Vegan, Natural, Organic, and regular nail polish.
5. We offer skin tightening, skin resurfacing, Micro-Needling, in other words, nonevasive skin treatments.
6. Our hair colors are natural and ammonia-free, as well as some of our bleaches. Jerry, I can go on, but I would like for you to check it out for yourself.

My daughter is 17 and if I want to bring some of her friends for a hair, do is that possible?

Our environment is definitely teen-friendly. We have high school girls come in all the time with their friends, they love the atmosphere and the services because we are attentive to their every need.

What do you look for in staff when you hire?

Our staff must be driven, honest, peace-loving, and kind. They must have the drive and the desire to exceed the client’s expectations in any and all of our services. They must have excellent communication and customer service skills.

How are food, faith, family, and finance important to you?

Food is very important to me. My body is God’s temple.  I need to keep it clean and healthy. I try to eat what is best for my body.

My Faith is extremely important, in this fallen world. I believe faith is the only thing that is constant in my life.

My family is of great importance to me. They are a gift to me from God. A gift-worthy of respect and love and most of all gratitude. I live every day grateful for the blessing of my faith and my family.

Finance is crucial to our survival. This is of great importance to me, without it we cannot accomplish our goals, feed our family nor take care of ourselves. A balanced financial life is a bliss. I am working on becoming debt-free and financially secure as this is a necessity.

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