Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Tiv Perfume recently launched a campaign called the Love Yourself Challenge, which is all about empowering women to love themselves, be all they can be and lead their best lives. The seven-step challenge encourages women to invest in their emotional wellbeing through self-love, and by giving themselves permission to have the things they want and deserve in life. I pose some questions to Cynthia who founded the firm and talks about women empowerment.

Cynthia, please tell me a little about yourself?

I’ve been in the fashion and beauty industry all my professional life as a model and then, at the age of 25, I became fashion coordinator at Kaufmann’s Department Store in Pittsburgh, my hometown. Kaufmann’s was the flagship store in the May Department Stores retail chain, now Macy’s.  Since that time, I was promoted to Fashion Director at the May Company Department stores in Cleveland.  From Cleveland, I moved to New York to become Director of Fashion and Beauty Marketing at Essence Magazine. I was recruited from Essence to the headquarters of Estee Lauder in Manhattan as a marketing director in the fragrance division.  After a number of years with Estee Lauder Company, I embraced my entrepreneurial spirit and developed my own fragrance line, Tiv … The Designer Fragrance of the Caribbean.

Let’s talk about Tiv Perfume. I have heard of French, Italian and Swiss perfumes. Never from the Caribbean. So, what is unique about your perfume and why should women buy it?

I moved to the Caribbean to create Tiv in its own environment.  While there were a number of local fragrances on many of the islands, there was no designer fragrance that represented the beauty, sunshine and exotic scents of the Caribbean.  For me, there was a simple solution.  Creating Tiv was the natural thing to do.  Tiv was successfully launched in the Bahamas and became a favorite with tourists from all over the world, as well as the locals.

Help me understand what is the Love Yourself Challenge all about and how does this empower women?

The Love Yourself Challenge is about empowering women to love themselves in the most profound way…by leading their best life. It’s about encouraging women to have confidence, strength, self-love, self-worth, and feel beautiful… to be successful in life, to LOVE their life. To live their dreams and achieve their goals, and not give them up to make sacrifices for others, as we women often do (for our families, kids, husbands, etc). As we get older, we let our dreams fade, and we give up on our joy. And as we fall out of love with our lives, we lose the motivation to care for ourselves. We’re so busy and stressed that we stop looking after our health and our emotional wellbeing.

We want to make sure women everywhere know it’s okay to look out for themselves and focus on self-love, that they have the power to turn their life around and start truly LOVING their life, and loving themselves. Because that’s the most critical aspect of your life… We aren’t truly whole or happy unless we love ourselves fully.

Walk me through the seven-step process?

The seven steps of the Love Yourself Challenge focus on:

1. It’s time to live your dreams and start doing the things you’ve ALWAYS wanted to do. Before, it’s too late.
2. Use affirmations instead of negative self-talk. We criticize ourselves every day, thinking things and saying things when we look in the mirror that we would NEVER say to a loved one. So why are we saying them to ourselves?!
3. Make rest and relaxation a necessity in your life, and learn how to figure out your most productive times during the day. It is critical we rest during our natural “down-times”, and not only for our health but in order to be our happiest and most successful.
4. Learn the importance of building quality relationships with friends that inspire you and encourage you to be the best person you can be. Remember, you directly reflect the people you hand out with the most.
5. How to start loving keeping your body healthy and fit. If you don’t love exercise, you’re not doing the right type of exercise for you!
6. Achieving your goals is the key to leading a fulfilling life. But your goals and dreams will never become a reality if you don’t get clear on what EXACTLY you want to achieve, map them out, break them down into steps, and start taking action.
7. How to find a creative practice. Giving yourself permission to take the time to be joyfully creative is one of the most profound ways to love yourself.

Why did you launch this challenge? Is it more a marketing gimmick or sincerely helping women?

The reason we launched the Love Yourself Challenge is because, as women, we know what women struggle with the most, and we wanted to do something that had the potential to truly change women’s lives. Something truly, deeply meaningful. Something that would make a profound impact on women across the nation, even around the globe, if we can spread our challenge wide enough. The Love Yourself Challenge aims to help women from all walks of life and all aspects of the struggle, to live the life they deserve. To live happily, healthily, and meaningfully. To love their bodies and their reflection. And to live their dreams.

Our only dream for the Love Yourself Challenge is that any woman who has found value and impact from the challenge share it with their friends and family, to help us change as many women’s lives as possible, on the largest scale we can.

What does women’s empowerment mean to you?

Women empowerment, to us, means encouraging women to be leaders in their lives. To be in the driver’s seat of your own joy, your own success, your own body, your own voice, your own path.

Young women all over the world want to make a career in the beauty and cosmetics industry. Please give me a couple of tips?

Like any other career, one must first have a natural affinity … were you in front of the mirror as a youngster, loving fashion magazines instead of comic books, at the mall in the boutiques and cosmetics counters, etc? If one has that innate sense, then it may well be for you. It’s a wonderful, competitive and satisfying industry full of energy and people who love what they are doing.

Please explain where you live, the city, food, restaurants, culture and why should we visit?

Southeast Florida is the perfect place to be outside of Manhattan for anyone interested in fashion, beauty, lifestyle, and sunshine. I live in Delray Beach which 50 years ago was a great beach town. Over the years, it has grown to within inches of its boundaries. But fondly enough, over and above some of the other rival historic beach towns in the area, Delray Beach remains a great beach town… It’s remarkable! The shopping district is alive with eclectic shops, restaurants, boutique hotels, art galleries, live entertainment, and casual culture.

The corporate offices are in Boca Raton, a relatively small city with an international reputation for excellence. It has more corporate headquarters than any other city in the state of Florida. And yet, you’re close enough to the beach to have lunch overlooking the surf and get back to the office.

Share with my audience something challenging you have been through. What did you learn and how did you come out on the other side thriving?

Tiv perfume is The Designer Fragrance of the Caribbean. Therefore, we have always had a Caribbean home. We relocated the company from the Bahamas to the U.S. Virgin Islands 20 years ago. However, when we made the decision to make online sales our first priority, we had to move to the mainland to accommodate the demands of high-speed internet capability, shipping, fulfillment and talent. The first challenge was where to relocate. And we couldn’t be more pleased with the decision to move the company to Boca Raton. The infrastructure, vibrant business community and the people make it the perfect move. But two things were happening – relocating and completing changing our direction from retail to online sales and marketing. We still maintain a marketing and promotional presence in St. Thomas, but all major company activity is in Boca Raton.  We learned that the major challenge in such a major move is research.

I am sure you lead a hectic life. How do food, faith, finance, and family come together for you?

You can imagine the answer to this question is, “It’s a challenge.” First, I try to take advantage of the markets that sell fresh vegetables, fruits, and seafood for meals at home. The area is remarkably business-friendly which is a plus for building a financial future both personally and for the company. My family and old friends are scattered but visit often. As for my faith, I wake up every morning with a prayer to acknowledge the blessings of strength, courage, and good health. Life is good.

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Arooba Najaf is your typical millennial.

International Women’s Day is celebrated on March 8 globally to highlight the economic, social, political, and cultural achievements of women. It is a day for a call to action for accelerating women’s equality.

Aruba is an island in the southern Caribbean Sea. Arooba Najaf calls herself a #typicalmillennials. She likes being on the move, jumping between tasks, and looking forward to the future possibilities that will come her way.  Arooba Najaf is a visual entrepreneur, social media influencer, blogger, and motivational speaker. I catch up with her about what inspires her to show the beauty of her work.

Arooba, I love your name. Does it mean something?

My name means Congrats in Arabic.

Please tell my audience something important about you.

Something important about me is that I am very passionate about the arts and helping others.

Walk me through the city you live in, the culture, the food scene, and name three good restaurants?

The city I live in is Matawan, New Jersey. The culture in this small town is very diverse, vibrant, and full of life. The town is represented for its sports. We are a close-knit community. What I love about Matawan is the people and stories within the town. We all come from different backgrounds yet our struggles make us close. In the town of Matawan, the food scene is very diverse. There are so many amazing restaurants to taste as well as discover such as Angelos Pizza, Aby’s Mexican Restaurant, and Amravathi Indian Restaurant.

What does women’s empowerment mean to you?

To, me women empowerment is women having the power to change the world.

In terms of career, what are you doing and what are the future plans?

Right now, I’m a freelancer in the visual content business and a creative entrepreneur. My future plans are honestly uncertain but whatever the future has in store I’m ready for it. Yes, there will be roadblocks and obstacles but life is about taking chances as well as learning.

How has social media impacted your society?

Social media has impacted my society that sometimes what we see isn’t worth it. You have to work hard and hustle. Instagram, for example, shows that you need to travel and be pretty, in reality, it’s an optical illusion.

I have a 15-year-old daughter, what advice would you give her?

To teenagers today, the advice I would give them is to be yourself and don’t get caught up in high school drama. Enjoy, high school but live in the moment, not for the likes but the experience. Because life is full of experiences and memories.

Rapid Fire Questions:

Favorite food:  Chicken Tikka

Favorite dish:   Chicken Biryani

Favorite movie: The Glass Castle

Favorite actor:  Bri Larson

Favorite city:   Los Angeles and San Francisco although I never been

Choose three people you would like to have a meal with. Why? What is one question you would ask them?

The three people I would like to have a meal with would be my grandma, Gary Vee, and Marie Forleo. I would ask them what inspires them to keep going and to motivate others.

If you were chosen to go to Mars. What five things would you take with you?

The five things I would take to Mars would be my camera, photos of my family, tons of food, sunglasses, and Polaroid.

If you had a choice which century would you prefer to live and why?

The century I would love to live in would be the 60s. I love the fashion during that time and the vintage feels from that century. I know I’m a bit old school but I love this century for being bright yet full of colors. I learned a lot about it through the show Mad Men.

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Kylie is a personal trainer, fitness nutritionist specialist, and mother. She is a firm believer in women empowering themselves and to practice intentional living. This intentional living is a blessing that gives you the power to nourish your body and soul and to thrive with self-love, self-worth, and confidence. It will make you radiant in every area of life.

Kylie, tell me something unique and different about you?

I love journaling! I once heard someone say, “Wisdom lies in the questions, not the answers.” It is through journaling that I truly understood how powerful questions are. The prompts in journals always set me off into deep thoughts and reflections, uncovering so many insights and clarity. Journaling has expanded my views and guided me to give thoughts on critical issues and aspects of life that I normally wouldn’t have given much attention to. So, I am constantly on a lookout for good journals!

I love the word empowering and intentional living. Talk to me about how you use it in your practice?

To bring health and nutrition effortlessly into your life, it’s crucial that we look at your life in its entirety rather than just solely nutrition. You are a real person with a career to excel in, family to raise, and passions to pursue. Your life doesn’t revolve just around nutrition. It’s not realistic to focus only on nutrition and neglect other aspects of your life. Merging intentional living with nutrition will allow these two components to sync and flow seamlessly; rather than trying to fit things in haphazardly. Intentional living is integrated through journaling components in the Nutrition Blueprint that my clients will be crafting.

Talking about empowerment, there are many ways to empower oneself. There are also many ways people give up their power unknowingly. In the case of nutrition, some of us change and compromise our lifestyle to adhere to meal plans or diets. We are giving up our rights to live life the way we desire and often end up feeling miserable. Education is one way of empowering yourself to take your power back but there’s a catch.

Knowledge is important but the ability to apply this knowledge safely, effectively and consistently is critical. True empowerment through education is achieved when you combine knowledge with skillsets to implement them. Information alone seldom leads to results. You can buy as many meal plans, fitness plans or courses as you like. If you don’t work on them consistently or if you don’t apply them appropriately, nothing will work.

It’s not my practice to give my clients a meal plan or diet and ask them to “Follow this and don’t deviate.” I equip my clients with essential nutrition knowledge, so they know the reason why they are doing something. They will know the purpose of every step and action plan. It will never be a case of “doing it for the sake of doing” without understanding. I also develop their skillsets to implement nutrition principles so that nutrition flow into their life and is sustainable. These skillsets will also work for other aspects of their life, be it picking up a new hobby or a new habit. Combining knowledge, skills, and clarity, my clients will truly be empowered. They can confidently make adjustments and be flexible about how they integrate nutrition principles into their life.

What kind of a coach are you? I like that you say if someone is looking for a quick fix then you are not the right fit.

I’m a firm believer that it’s not what you do that matters, it’s whether you can do it consistently. No matter how small the action is, if you can do it consistently, you will see results. Most importantly, it will last. Never undermine the power of small, consistent actions. Quick fixes may give you great results, but if it’s not a lifestyle that you can keep up in the long run, the results won’t last. You will go back to where you began and start over again and again. It becomes a vicious cycle that repeats indefinitely. You will be deflated and feel like a total failure even when it’s not exactly your fault. It’s just a fact that quick fixes are not meant to yield long-term sustainable results.

I know life is busy and can be messy, which may be the reason why quick fixes seem so attractive. No matter which stage you are in your health journey, I will meet you where you are. Together we will work with your lifestyle, your schedule, your level of ability, your resources, your environment, your preferences, etc. It’s about integrating things in a harmonious manner rather than forcing nutrition into their life.

Walk me through your struggles with motherhood, what changed and how are you a different person?

I have had several health issues that I needed to deal with postpartum. Juggling motherhood and health issues were tough. I constantly felt guilty when I needed to take some time off for myself. I also felt like a failure when I couldn’t manage the daily responsibilities of taking care of a newborn, housework, etc. I crumbled under the stress. I knew I had to work through those struggles but there was no clear solution.

On a random day when I was observing my child fumbling with her toys and trying to figure out how the toy works, I had a sudden realization. I felt so much joy seeing her explore. Even when she made a mistake, I would still cheer her on. We are so forgiving towards babies who are learning and yet we are so harsh on ourselves when falling short on our own expectations and mistakes. That moment, I knew how I can work things out. That is to act from a place of love.

I stopped picking on my shortcomings. I reminded myself that I am still learning as a first-time mother and patient. I focused on my strengths and what I can do best for my child and my health. I cheered myself on, just like how I cheered my child on. With this approach, my blind spots slowly surfaced. It’s like I’m learning about myself all over again. I’ve re-learned so many values and mind-sets together with my child.

Since then, I see myself as a student of life, always learning and growing. Challenges are lessons that life uses to nurture and teach us. It’s ok to stumble and fall, just like a baby falls while learning to walk. It’s also important to have some form of a self-care routine to help you rest and rejuvenate. It’s only when you are in a great space mentally and physically will you be able to give your 100%. It’s true to say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

We are living fast lives and never slowing down at the expense of our health and nutrition. Give me a more realistic way as to how we can approach this?

In this hectic world, we are constantly multitasking and even operating on auto-pilot mode. It’s no wonder so many of us are burned-out and stopped noticing the little things in life. It may even sound daunting to allocate time for health and nutrition.

Truth is, we don’t need big and extreme actions to improve our health and nutrition.

Remember we discussed small consistent actions earlier on? Here’s how you can approach it:

1. Decide on an area you would like to improve on or a goal you would like to achieve.
2. List down actions that you think will help you in reaching that goal.
3. Pick one action you are confident in implementing successfully.
4. Ask yourself if the action is small enough to be acted on consistently on a daily basis.
   1. If yes, decide how exactly you are going to do it and then do it!
   2. If no, think about how you can break that action down into smaller steps that can be acted on consistently every day.
5. Once you feel comfortable and are able to act on this action consistently, you can repeat the process to select another action.

The key is to make that step small, easy and quick to do. It may be as simple as drinking one extra glass of water every day or doing a 5 minutes’ stretch every morning. As long as you can do it consistently, you are doing great! You can download the cheat sheet here for quick reference.

If I hire you as a coach, can I go to Mcdonalds, have a coke, and eat ice cream?

Yes, you can! In fact, McDonald’s’ is my favorite fast-food chain. I love their Fillet-O-Fish burger, French fries, and Hot Fudge Sundae! Adhering to any particular diet or cutting out any food category is not necessary unless it is due to a medical condition or required by your medical doctor. There’s no “bad” or “good” food. It’s how we eat and how much we eat that matters. In excessive quantity, even beneficial nutrients like Vitamin A can become toxic.

Talk to me about the city you live in. I want to know the food scene and the amazing restaurants and why should we visit?

I’m from the sunny island of Singapore! It’s summer all year round over here. If you love the sun and beach, our island is the perfect travel destination.

Food Centres are where the locals usually go for our daily meals. There’s a wide range of tasty food selection, all at affordable prices. The best part is you can enjoy Michelin Starred food at the Food Centres without breaking the bank! Tian Tian Hainanese Chicken Rice is possibly the most famous chicken rice in Singapore. Its flagship stall is at Maxwell Food Centre. American celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain once commented that the rice from Tian Tian is exceptionally fragrant, flavorsome, and is delicious on its own. There was an exciting “Hawker Heroes Challenge” in 2013 which Gordon Ramsay took part in and lost out to Tian Tian. So be sure to try Tian Tian Hainanese Chicken Rice when you visit Singapore!

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An important quote to empower your daughter by Amy Tenney.

‘The world needs strong women. Women who will lift and build others, who will love and be loved. Women who live bravely, bother tender and fierce. Women of indomitable will.’

Jean had been accepted as an intern for 8 weeks in a nonprofit in another city. It was the first day of her work and I was dropping her off at the train station. It was a two-hour ride to another city. She would work from Tuesday to Saturday and be living with someone.

My heart was in my mouth. As I came back to the car, my wife was crying. She was scared.

Jean was confident, excited, and looking forward to this new adventure. She is only 17.

It is 2021. There is a tectonic shift away from patriarchy. Women are detaching themselves from stereotypes and creating their own unique path to success, happiness, and existence on their terms. The question I have for parents. Are you ready to support and empower your daughter as she navigates the 21^st century?

Here I lay down some words of advice on how we can empower our daughters, build confidence, create healthy self-esteem and cultivate motivation. An empowered daughter is secure in herself, takes action, makes positive choices about her life, and does positive things for other people. She thinks critically about her environment, expresses her feelings, and acknowledges the feeling of others.

I want Jean to be unique, self-reliant, fearless, and confident that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. Remember your daughter is barraged by the media that is all about her looks and weight. This negative message is a hindrance to her achieving her destiny. The stimuli damage their self-esteem and make them feel inadequate. As a parent, you need to compliment her ethics, values, morals, ideals, and talents not just looks.

‘Character. Intelligence. Strength. Style. That makes beauty.’ – Diane Von Furstenberg

Empower your daughter by loving her unconditionally

I love Jean unconditionally. I give her hugs and am affectionate toward her. I always tell her ‘I love you.’ Since the beginning, I have always made time for her. I went to her graduation, dance practices, volleyball games, and date nights. We always spend quality time playing games, watching movies, and talking. One area where I needed to get better was talking to her rather than lecturing her. It is important for parents to love their daughters unconditionally and not based on performance.

Be authentic and vulnerable with her

Try being human, real, vulnerable, and authentic around your daughter. Humans make mistakes. Admit your own weaknesses and mistakes. Communicate what you learned from those mistakes. Your daughter will make mistakes. Let her know it is part of life.

Stick to your promises

Never say you will be somewhere or take her somewhere if you will not be there. Just be open and direct about your schedule. It will help her not be disappointed.

Empower your daughter with encouragement and less discipline

Discipline is important. However, it needs to be done with love, encouragement, and focus on the outcome of discipline. If your daughter is always late or is not telling the truth, then you need to deal with it. Talk openly about how you overcame obstacles and challenges and how it was the discipline that got you through. Talk about her being late is a lack of respect for other people and how her actions impact other people.

Do not live your life through your daughter

Your daughter is unique. She was born at a different time. The biggest mistake you can make is living your life and dreams through her. This will create bitterness and anger in her. You have to find out what she is passionate about. Match her skills, and strengths with her activities. The biggest gift you can give your daughter is to allow her to be herself. It was important for her to make constructive choices about her life.

I love soccer and swimming and wanted Jean to do that. At age 4 she said she loves art and dancing. She has been doing that for thirteen years. She has thrived in expressing herself.

Do not shove your culture down her throat

If you were born in another country, it is important that you appreciate why you moved and the positive aspects of the new country. Introduce your culture to her, but also let her embrace the new culture also.

Empower your daughter by asking for her opinion

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ – Eleanor Roosevelt

As your daughter becomes a teenager she will become aware of herself, her feeling, and her thoughts. She is wired to communicate. It is a season of so much physical and emotional change surrounded by social media. It is a delicate time of being insecure. Talk to her about her opinions on different issues and listen to understand.

Help her to have healthy boundaries

I told Jean early on that she does not have to be liked by everyone or become the most popular only to lose herself. She needs to be aware of her feelings, emotions and not agree to something that goes against her ethics and moral values. This is very important otherwise you are setting her up to be codependent.

She needs to move past her comfort zone

‘I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story. I will.’ – Amy Schumer

In order for your daughter to grow, she needs to get out of her comfort zone. She should be encouraged to take risks and follow her passions. We can learn a lot from them.

She needs to be exposed to strong female role models

One of the things I did like about the internship was that not only was she working with women from Montreal and Paris but she would be trained by women from Hamilton, Ottawa, Newmarket, Halifax, and from the States. She saw female leaders in action. She participated in many activities where she was valued and it increased her sense of self and confidence.

Identify values that are important to the family

Jean knows that it is important to have meals together, spend quality time together, and also have times where we sit and talk. She knows our family values.

Travel with her

I have taken Jean to Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Panama Canal, Belize, Honduras, New York, Montreal, Halifax, Ottawa, and Frankfurt. The exposure is great for her as she sees different cultures, food, and ways of doing things. It opens her mind.

Volunteer as a family

‘People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But, people will never forget how you made them feel.’ – Maya Angelou

Jean has volunteered with me in Cuba in visiting schools and homes. In Toronto, she helped me greet people for a non-profit center. This is bonding time to show her that there is more to life than social media and that a lot of good can come out of volunteering.

Do not solve her problems

The goal is to create an independent, empowered woman and not a co-dependant. Your daughter needs to solve her own problems and issues. This will help her develop coping skills and strategies to deal with situations in life. There may be times when you disagree with your daughter but it gives her a sense of control and she needs to take responsibility for her decisions.

It is ok to disagree

‘The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.’ – Albert Einstein

When you raise an independent, empowered girl, it also means you have to live with her. She has to stand up for herself and learn how to do it in the future. She needs to stick with her convictions and not be a people or crowd-pleaser.

Know the difference between glamour sex and healthy sex

At some point, you have to talk to your daughter about sex. She needs to be aware of it. Also, the difference between sex in the media and in real life. She needs to know the difference between sex in the movies and what sex is in a loving caring relationship with emotions, feelings, intimacy, and unconditional love.

Help her to appreciate food

It is important to give your daughter fresh and healthy food. She will appreciate fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, salads, fresh meats, and dairy. Keep fast and processed food away from her.

The importance of money

You do not want your daughter to go to college or university and have no clue about money. From an early age, I taught Jean what is debit and credit. I taught her how money works. A few months back, she sat down with my financial adviser at the bank who gave her the basics of a savings account, checking account, mutual funds, credit card, and how to save money. Your daughter needs to respect money.

The post Empower Your Daughter appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

The origin of all of us is clouded in contempt, confusion, revulsion, loathing and is forever blemished. Let’s face it, we all came out from the uterus.

I fail to understand why shame is connected to a bodily function. Shame is powerful, dominant, persuasive, preeminent, and authoritative. As an individual person, when you feel shame, you are disconnected from your self-worth, your community, and the intrinsic power to make a difference. When shame becomes hegemonic, it can cripple society. Menstrual shame is telling the girl there is something wrong with you, the body you live in and that sticks with you.

Menstruation is the hallmark of fertility and femininity. It plays a major role in the life of a woman from her teens to 50s.

62 million girls miss school because of shaming. It prevents the girls from their basic right to education. In many countries, girls miss school because there are no supplies or facilities. There is a lack of menstrual education which leads to infection. Girls face exclusion through shaming and teasing.

Certain societies have a social taboo around menstruation. Menstruation is seen as impure, awkward, and mortifying.

Jesselina Rana is the co-founder of a social business Pad2Go, that focuses on menstrual health management in Nepal. I am impressed with its three-fold approach to make a holistic impact. The first is providing sanitary products through vending machines, secondly raising awareness concerning social taboos behind menstruation and using a certain percentage of their profits by providing sanitary facilities in rural communities.  They are a classic firm that focuses on corporate social responsibility.

Rana’s vision is to have a society that does not have any stigma linked to menstruation and to provide menstrual health products that are affordable. Her vision is the embodiment of Four Columns which is to empower women. Pad2Go has won awards in Switzerland and Singapore.

As we celebrate Women’s International Day all over the world, we all need to work on making a natural bodily function what it is, a natural body function. Jesselina is a game-changer, who wants to make a difference in society and lead the charge.

Jesselina, welcome to Four Columns. Please tell my audience something important about you?

My name is Jesselina, I’m a 25-year-old Nepali woman. Professionally, I am a human rights lawyer, social entrepreneur, and feminist activist. Something important about me is that I’ve been fortunate enough to realize my passion for human rights, more so women’s rights, at a young age and work towards building a career in this pertinent sector.

Walk me through how you ended up at Amnesty International?

I strongly believe that what is meant to be will always find its way. When in college I had a visiting professor from Amnesty International and I always admired her in-depth knowledge and passion for human rights. On returning to Nepal after graduating with a law degree from India I spent more than 6 months applying for jobs. My application was rejected every time on account of being a new college graduate not having had any work experience. In my 7th month, after having graduated and being unemployed, I saw a call for application as the Human Rights Education officer at Amnesty International (Nepal section). At this point, I was unsure if I even was a strong candidate but decided to apply anyway. I took a written exam, and 2 rounds of interviews only to be placed as an alternate candidate. I was disappointed that my 5 years of law school was not resulting in any job opportunity. However, about a month later, the candidate who was chosen had left the office on account of personal reasons, and the position was offered to me. I believe Amnesty and the work it stands for is my calling presently and somehow the universe aligned for this to happen.

Human rights differ in various countries and across cultures. What are basic human rights?

Although human rights oftentimes are said to be different in different cultures, I believe there are universal human rights that exist for all-the right to life, the right to express your opinion, the right to choose for yourself (whether in terms of bodily autonomy or otherwise) are some of many universal human rights.

Menstruation is a function of the body. Why is there a taboo around it?

Despite menstruation being a bodily function, countries across South Asia, including Nepal, continue to stigmatize the process and curtail the rights of menstruating individuals. Although a natural process the stigma around menstruation has been passed down through many generations.  In ancient times due to the lack of availability of menstrual products, individuals undergoing menstruation for the purpose of hygiene, sanitation, and self-care may have been requested/opted not to go to the kitchen or certain other places. However, with it being passed down through generations of interpretation and intermingling with religion and culture, restrictive menstrual practices despite having access to sanitary facilities and menstrual products became an obligation and a burden for the individual to bear.

Talk to me about Pad2Go? How is it making a difference in Nepalese society?

Pad2Go is a for-profit social enterprise. A social enterprise is a mix between a traditional business and an NGO model. Our work focuses on addressing existing social problems while ensuring the model itself is financially sustainable through a business model- therefore not having the need to depend on donors for our funding. Pad2Go in 2018 pioneered in introducing sanitary napkin vending machines for the first time in Nepal. Although sanitary napkin vending machines are quite common in other countries, it was the first time such an innovative approach was introduced into the Nepali market. Our machines are placed across schools, hospitals, colleges, movie halls, ward offices, hotels. However, recognizing that access to menstrual products is only one of the many challenges within the menstrual health sector we wanted our working model to be more holistic. We, therefore, work through a threefold approach. First, we provide sanitary napkin vending machines, we have collaborated with two major pad companies one domestic and one international to provide pads at less than the market rate. Second, understanding that the lack of toilet facilities in rural schools is one of the major factors preventing girls from going to school during menstruation, 100% profit from the pads sold through the machines and 10% profit from the machines are used to construct gender and disability-friendly toilets in schools in rural Nepal. Third, acknowledging the lack of conversation around menstruation as a major cause for its stigmatization we conduct menstrual health workshops with both boys and girls in schools.

As a Millennial, define what does women empowerment means to you?

Although we grew up hearing the word “women empowerment”, having worked in the field of human rights for the past two years I am a bit uncomfortable with that word. The definition of “empowerment” means to give power to. I don’t believe women are powerless and require someone to give power to them; rather women already have power but some of us may need help acknowledging that and strengthening it for a better tomorrow.

Help me understand the status of women in Nepal? Are they breaking the glass ceiling in the corporate world?

Nepali women are bold, courageous go-getters- especially women of the new generation. Young women are taking on career paths that were earlier seen as “masculine” – from the tech industry to driving public vehicles. Women are definitely breaking glass ceilings. Although, there are women at the decision-making level there aren’t enough or even if present, sometimes are treated as forms of token representations. We need to further strengthen the capacity of women wanting to take lead, take charge and become role models for younger women while continuously advocating for an inclusive society.

Talk to me about the city you live in? I want to know about the food, restaurants and why we should visit them?

Kathmandu as a city has its own charm, it is a small city in a small country but has so many diverse things to offer. People from all different cultures from across the country are found here. The charm of local restaurants can’t be matched by high-end food chains, the charm of small quaint buildings can’t be matched by new skyscrapers but yet they all co-exist in harmony.

I want to know something challenging you have been through in your life. How did you deal with it?

In school, I dabbled in a lot of extracurricular activities -although good at it, I never excelled in any field. I saw my friends doing well, I saw them thriving in whatever they put their hard work in. For me- I just couldn’t find my calling in school, I was disheartened but kept my hope up. I now realize that people find their callings, their passion, at different points in their lives and we ought not to compare our step one to somebody else’s step 5.

It is 2031. Explain to me a day in the life of Jesselina?

In 2031 I’d like to continue being happy, at peace with how far I’ve come yet excited for how far I would go from there.

The post Menstruation is Natural. Period. appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Ashley Wray is a Millennial. She is barely 25 years old, got married, divorced, has seen 26 countries, and is starting a business. She is honest, real, vulnerable, and in touch with what is going on in her life. I got together with her over a coffee to talk about love, peace, food, faith, family, finance, travel, spirituality, nature, women empowerment, the future, and about her being a Goddess.

International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8^th every year. It is an important day for women’s rights. On February 28, 1909, the Socialist Party of America organized a Women’s Day in New York City. In 1910 at the International Socialist Woman’s Conference, German delegates Paula Thiede, Kate Duncker, and Clara Zetkin suggested a ‘special Women’s Day’ be organized. In 1917, women gained suffrage in Russia and March 8 became a national holiday. Women’s Day was celebrated only in communist and socialist countries. In 1967, the feminist movement adopted it. In 1977, the United Nations began celebrating it.

Four Columns is all about inspiring and empowering women to live a balanced life. To celebrate Women’s Day, I am interviewing various women, from different backgrounds.

Ashley Wray, you are one of the most real, vulnerable, open people I have met in my life. So, tell me a little about you?

Firstly, I just wanted to thank you for interviewing me and having me on your blog.

I haven’t quite figured out my “life purpose”. I know for sure that part of my purpose is definitely making other people feel validated and loved in this life. I was bullied when I was younger and that helped me realize that I wanted to work in a field where I could positively impact and help people. I love exploring different healing modalities. I’m currently exploring shamanic healing. I find shamanic healing very interesting.  I hope to be able to one day offer this healing to my clients around the world. I love traveling. I’ve traveled to 26 different countries with Guatemala, Mexico City, and Arizona next on my travel agenda. I’m a modern Goddess, feminist, and lover of all living things.

Ashley you are barely 25, have been married for a couple of years and divorced. Walk me through the experience and what did you learn and how did you change because of it?

Jerry, I’ve always thought about writing a book, about how my early days impacted me so strongly and made me the woman I am today. It’s hard to go really into those experiences without writing pages and pages worth but I’ll do my best to really give your readers an idea of who I am today and my story.

I moved to England when I was 19. I was very unhappy and I was wanting to escape a very abusive situation. I had this dream to start fresh and couldn’t think of a perfect place to do it but to move to a country across the world. The thought of being foreign in a foreign place where I knew absolutely no one and no one knew me was the perfect scenario.  This was the first time I had left the abusive situations that I had been in and out of for over 10 years.

It wasn’t until I left Canada, that I felt safe enough to start the self-healing process. Within that healing process, I meet my ex-husband a couple of weeks after moving to England. Looking back, I understand that the attraction to each other was so deep because we were both wounded soldiers.

What I learned most from that situation was the “Law of Attraction” and how real it really is. Like attracts like. He intensified all the wounds inside me, the feelings of not being worthy of love and not being good enough to receive love is what I felt most when I was with him. I continued to pretend that I was fine but I was desperately falling apart on the inside. On the outside, I was posting the most Instagram-worthy photos of us in love. I wasn’t authentic, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be but that I was ashamed to express the real me and what was going on in my world.

This was a long lesson that lasted 4 years and I’m so grateful for all it taught me. I learned that the people that we attract are mirrors of what we are needing to experience or lessons we are meant to have in this lifetime. It’s all for a reason and maybe that reason will never be known :). 

What does female empowerment mean to you in the 21st century?

Female empowerment to me means feeling empowered to rise in our own unique ways and support each other and all the woman around the world on their journeys. It is such an important historical time to be a woman. Women all over the world are rising and stepping into their power. It is  F*#^!N$ AMAZING to be a part of and to be a woman in 2019! For so long women have been suppressed and to finally be a part of this generation, to be able to break free of the suppression is amazing. We can stand together knowing that we have each other’s back. I am all for the #metoo movement, #timesup movement, and #freethenipple movement.

You are a big fan of getting in touch with yourself. How did you come to this revelation and how are you helping other people heal?

I’m able to get in touch with myself the most by disconnecting from the world and connecting to the universe. I love planning a 2-day retreat or solo vacations when I’m feeling like I need to realign with myself again. I’ve found that having a strong self-care foundation is really important for me and so I’ve found things that I know bring me instant joy. These things include a special hot chocolate recipe, a walk by the water, a foot massage, writing in my journal, and meditation. I believe that I’m helping others heal by being my most authentic self. I’m working through the feelings of shame and guilt and giving myself permission to be free by being ME. I hope that allows other people to feel like they can be themselves also.

What do you do for work and do you feel fulfilled with what you’re doing?

I work at a clinic in Toronto called Province Apothecary doing intuitive organic facials and I also educate health-conscious brands on the benefits of natural health and skincare. I’m in the middle of creating my business called Moonspace which is a healing space for the modern-day woman. I’ll be offering personalized intuitive readings, energy medicine treatments, and meditation circles. I really want to create a beautiful space where women can be honored and celebrated. My intention is that women will leave the space feeling restored and empowered.

Let’s talk about spirituality. I am a big fan of unconditional love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, do good to others, overcome evil with good, charity and forgiveness. Do we have anything in common here? What is your spirituality and is there a place for God in that?

I’m definitely a spiritual person- I believe in the oneness of the universe. I like having an open mind and being open to everyone’s beliefs. I love learning about different religions and creating something that works for me. Sometimes I pray to God, other times Buddha. I chant, I sing, I dance. I consistently live from my heart, a place of love for others and the world. I’m grateful either way for the source that watches over me and listens and responds to all my prayers.

Food nourishes the soul. Is this sentence relatable to you?

Food is my medicine and so is drinking plenty of water. Eating healthy is important to me because its another form of self-care and love. My body feels more alive when I’m eating fresh foods and I have a diet rich in fruit and vegetables. I love cooking and I love getting inspired by cookbooks and travel. I’m not a vegan or vegetarian which I think most people think I would be. I love tuning in to my body and asking my body what it needs. Sometimes my body will tell me it wants a plant-based diet for a week or so and then it will totally switch things up and wants a chicken burger. Someone once asked me if I was a “flexitarian” SURE! If I need a label… call me a flexitarian ;).

I love nature, it is the best gift we have received from our creator. How do you connect with nature?

I feel so connected when I’m in nature. I’m so grateful that we are able to have a connection with nature. I love the warmth and I feel like I come alive the most when I’m in warmer climates because I’m consistently connecting with nature.

I find my relationship harder with nature living in Toronto in the winter because I find it difficult to be outside in the cold. I am totally a tree-hugging hippie lol- I’ve hugged so many trees.

When my ex and I first broke up and I moved back to Toronto in the summer I would go to the lake every single day. I would whisper to the lake, the flowers, the birds, and the trees and tell them my worries. I felt listened to, I felt held and I would always leave feeling lighter and more connected to myself. I can’t explain the healing that started to take place by connecting to these elements but I wanted to give back to nature. I felt like I was receiving such an abundance of healing that I wanted to give back to Mother Earth the way she gave to me so I would bring the birds seeds and I would pick up garbage by the lake.

Nature has healed me in so many ways. I’d love to move somewhere warm one day. I went to Hawaii for vacation a couple of months ago and took surfing lessons WOW! A totally different connection to nature. I’d love to surf every day and be in warm saltwater.

How has meditation helped you in dealing with stuff?

Mediation has become a part of my everyday morning ritual when I first wake up. It’s time that I dedicate myself to breathing and connecting back to myself. Meditation has taught me how to breathe and how important my relationship with my breath is. Our breath is what keeps us alive and we can always use our breath as a compass for how we are feeling. If our breath is very fast, we are probably feeling anxious and if we control our breath, we can help feel less anxious and calmer. Meditation has given me clarity on what I’m wanting to manifest in my life. Quieting my mind and listening to my soul’s sweet whispers. Where will she take me next?

Ashley, at a young age you have seen a lot, done a lot, experienced a lot. What is next?

Thank you, Jerry. I’m not sure exactly what is next. I’d love to continue to fall deeper in love with myself, build an empire, continue to rise with other women, fall deeply in love one day with someone who worships me, travel more of the world, have a home somewhere hot by the beach and feel so much joy and happiness in my life.

The post Ashley Wray: The Love Goddess appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is the meaning of life?

I have known Mayple Dorrington since I started my career at Scotia Bank. Mayple was Director, Communications and Change Management at Scotia Bank.  Mayple recently wrote a book called Finding: The Oasis in my Soul. It is a journal, an encouraging journey through the spectrum of real-life experiences of trials and triumphs. As you read her book, you can relate to it. You will see a reflection of your own experiences. The book asks some relevant questions about having an empty void within us, do we have doubts about our gifts, weaknesses,  our purpose, and our identity?

I am a big fan of gratitude, and this book challenges my thinking to transform my mind and to get a deeper conviction of love and purpose in my life. If you are struggling with insecurity, fear, uncertainty, or anxiety, get the book, become empowered, lead an authentic life, and transform yourself into what you are intended to be.  This is the first of a two-part interview.

Mayple, a true honor to have you talk to four columns. Tell my audience a little bit about you?

Jerry, firstly I want to thank you for the opportunity to participate in your blog. I’m deeply honored to be having this dialogue with you and your audience.

Born on the beautiful island of Jamaica I grew up in a happy, loving family cushioned in a viable business environment.   The business became a casualty following the aftermath of the 1970s economic downturn in my country and the outcome later triggered my family’s immigration to another beautiful country, Canada. With a business mindset, I later pursued that area of study and embarked on an amazing career in the financial industry that spanned 3 continents with direct access to over 27 countries.  Alongside my banking occupation of choice, I am an author and a motivational speaker.  My professional designations include an economist, chartered banker, high school teacher and a personal financial planner.

I am a devout Christian who anchored my beliefs, decisions, and hope in the power of the risen Jesus Christ.  With my teaching discipline, I constantly volunteer my skills for mentoring and coaching and by my mentees’ own admission, I have the knack to identify, develop and empower countless persons in reaching their personal goals.

Having said that, my passion is primarily centered around the relationships I forged working with people drawn from across the globe and living in the most multicultural city in the world. Through these experiences, I learned how to coexist with people, understand their behaviors, outlook, and preferences, and dispense greater tolerance, acceptance, and compassion in helping others. An area that keeps me growing is to intentionally embrace the power of mindfulness. This awareness constantly provokes and inspires me to challenge my mind, peel away layers of obscurity, to look deeper and wider for insights toward the path in finding truths.

Finding: The oasis in my soul. It is an intense name for a book. How did the book come about? What is the main message? Who is the audience? What is unique and different about the message?  

Jerry, there’s lots to unpack here… yes,  the name is indeed intense. You may notice I deliberately said “Finding” and not “Find” or “Found” because it’s a journey, not a destination. My book chronicles an inspiring journey through the lens of my real-life experiences of trials and triumphs and using what I have been through to come to a place of what I now know for sure.

Strangely the genesis of my book was drawn from my wanderlust nature.  Traveling to many countries, living amongst diverse nationalities, and conversing with numerous people from different walks of life, age, and outlook; hearing their stories, the many dreams realized, the hardships overcame, and bouncing back from mistakes, I realized how much we all have in common.

I wrote the book to expose our human commonality and to express how I cultivate the power to confront and stare down the debilitating state of uncertainty, worry, and fear.  How like myself, we can overcome our shortcomings and elevate our talents and self-worth to be the best.

During my speaking engagements, after sharing my story, which is often intertwined with slices from the lives of many others, seeing the visceral reaction of agreement from my diverse audience, I validated how we all want to feel valued, loved, and accepted. The main point is to have a positive self-image of not who I am, but who God intended me to be.  How I claim truth and confidence from the backdrop of biblical examples of trust, faith, and obedience.  Each chapter illustrates a meaningful life experience, which is brutally frank about what I learned, the impact of the practical application, and my spiritual transformation. Each reader will walk away with valuable nuggets to build their confidence and self-worth.

My core objective and the key message are to challenge the readers’ thinking and arouse a sense of gratitude, wonder, and introspection, allowing us to draw from an ever-renewing Oasis where we can replace worry, fear, and doubt with the joyful assurance of God’s promises and faithfulness.

The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive that this is exactly the response it evokes. I painted a graphic picture of my experiences, whether illness, a hero to zero career moves, friendship betrayal, family choices, to be transformed, to come to a place of rest, not a place of stop, but resting on the dependence and assurance of God’s love while seeking new adventures to spread my wings.  The overarching message may not be unique or different, but it’s worth reinforcing to keep us building self-awareness on how we can draw inspiration and hope from seemingly common encounters and events in our lives. It about seeing and acknowledging God’s love and handiwork in all aspects of our lives.

Explain to me what does women’s empowerment means to you?    

Empowerment is about acting on my own volition, having options, having the autonomy to make choices.  Really, Jerry, it’s to emancipate me from the sense of powerlessness, to become self-determined, being able to take charge of my life by owning my decisions, circumstances, hopes, and dreams, growing stronger, wiser, and more confident.

Having said that, for me, I do not believe women’s empowerment is independent of the influence of men. I strongly believe men and women were created with different, but complementary traits. When working in unity, we unleash the freedom to both look outward, naturally curious in opening ourselves to the universe, feeling supported to take risks, and to reimagine possibilities based on the imagery of how to think, rather than the limitation of what to think.

I have countless examples of gender neutrality during brainstorming, problem-solving, and trouble-shooting that delivered the optimum results, mainly because women are allowed the latitude, civility, and respect to explore and articulate their thoughts without judgment or fear. This type of liberation allows me to embrace and benefit from a diversity of thoughts; to see ideas from various points of view, despite differences reaching common ground, by filtering everything through what is pleasing to God. Why, because like all good things, true and authentic empowerment comes from honoring the will of God.

I am a big fan of being authentic and leading a transparent life. Help me understand what you mean by living an authentic life?    

Yes, Jerry, authentic and transparent are two buzz words presently tossed around a lot! Irrespective of the scholarly definition, at the core, this is about living one’s truth, what we know for sure, which can be shaped by our many experiences.

For me, it is when my values and beliefs are compatible with the integrity of my doctrine, actions, and words. It’s about self-awareness, knowing myself at a deep level, accepting my multi-faceted traits, my strengths, and imperfections; having the desire to continuously grow as I reconcile my good, bad and ugly qualities, which are common to all of us. I find that oftentimes, with increasing societal pressure, we lean into what the world prescribed as a success.  Whether to gain wealth, fame, alter our appearance or job aspiration, we can compromise who we are created to be which often leads to self-loathing, and unhappiness.

To justify my point, let’s take a look at the billions in revenue generated from cosmetic industries, fake content, scamming, Ponzi schemes, and the like. You see, in our humanness, our hearts are deceitful, full of pride, and can easily trap us in a state of denial and falseness to elevate ourselves. I am not immune to this pretense, but growing in spiritual maturity and wisdom, I try to be deliberate in not allowing this malignant state to frighten or paralyze me, but to be powered by my dependence on the spirit God graciously places within us.  As I summon the courage to live from a place of acceptance, growth, humility, and inner peace, only then, I can be the best expression of myself, which will be evident to impact others as I attract, influence, and sustain meaningful relationships.

The post Mayple Dorrington: Finding the Meaning of Life appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

February is Black History Month.

I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country.

Zenovia, welcome to my series on Women With Wisdom. Please tell my audience something about you.

My name is Zenovia V. Shaw. I am a 56-year old woman who is passionate about life, family, and purpose. I live in Pickering, Ontario, and I have been married for 31 years. I am a mother and a grandmother.  I became a Christian 27 years ago and have not looked back.
I am self-employed as an esthetician. I love people, travel, gardening, and hosting gatherings…I am what you call a total extrovert!

Why is black history month important?

I believe history is history (from all backgrounds/nationalities) and should be integrated throughout the whole year and taught to everyone; however, I am grateful for the opportunity to have February as black history month.  There has been so much given to the world by black men and women, and their stories are not widely known by the majority of the population.  Great contributions, inventions, and examples of upstanding citizens.  Things I was never taught as a youth to help develop that great sense of pride in my heritage.  So much of what I saw and heard in society or in the media about black people was portrayed in a negative way.  Black history month provides an ‘open door’ for everyone to walk through to educate themselves in hopes of refreshing their views.

Let’s discuss marriage! Give my audience some advice on marriage, what to look for, the challenges, how to stick through the thick and thin?

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly!  Take more time to focus on the marriage than the wedding.  For the wedding, which lasts for a day, every detail is planned and rehearsed, but too often the preparation for the marriage, which is supposed to last a lifetime, does not get the same level of attention.

Focus on what commitment looks like for a healthy relationship.  Have fun together, laugh, serve God and others together.  It is absolutely fine to say “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me”.  In the marriage relationship, mutual respect, trust, and consideration are paramount.  When disagreements occur, fight ‘clean and fair’.  Once words are spoken, they cannot be unspoken…words do hurt!  Another boundary to never cross is physical harm.

Once children enter the equation, the relationship changes as you focus less on each other and take on the responsibility to raise the children.  For us, life threw some curveballs our way, such as financial or health challenges, to test our mettle.  These challenges have all happened in our marriage.  My kidneys failed two years into our marriage.   Having gone through the stages of dialysis and organ transplantation 18 years ago, I am still going strong with the support of my husband, family, and friends.  It is only for the glory of God.  We as a family hung on to God’s word, prayer, promises, love, grace, and purpose.

We agreed as a couple that there will be no back doors in our marriage if we hold on to these principles.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? What were some of the challenges and what did you learn?

What a great responsibility!  I totally enjoyed every moment of raising our daughter and son, even though our daughter did not sleep through the night for the first 13 months of her life!  It was very exhausting, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep 30 years later.  However, with every stage of their lives (the joys, cuts, bruised knees, colds, chickenpox, hormones, mess-ups, victories, great achievements) I’ve learned to enjoy every minute and still continue to do so.  I understood that God entrusted them to me to enjoy and to teach and train them to know Him.

Now being a grandmother, the emotions of love, adoration, are heightened.   There are no words to describe what I feel for my grandchildren.  All I know is I want them to know how much I love them, how much God loves them and desires them to have a life to the full.

Please give yourself advice when you were 14, 24, and 34 yrs old?

Age 14

Focus on school more and not be concerned about other people’s opinions of you.  Don’t even think about boys!

Age 24

Ask my parents more questions about their lives and experiences.  Tell them I love them more.  Find more meaningful ways to express my love for them.

Give that real estate course another chance.

This is a good time to begin saving for retirement.

High five on choosing to date the man I am now married best friends with for 33 years.

Age 34

No one ever plans to suffer illness in life, but these things do happen.  Face your challenge head-on knowing it is happening for a reason and your experience will not be wasted.  You will be able to help others who will go through the same challenges.

I know faith is very important to you. Walk me through your own journey and what you are learning about it?

I believe full well that God put eternity on the hearts of man.  Realizing at an early age that the void that I felt in my life was not being filled with…the job, money, things, seeking love and acceptance from man, starting my own family unit.  I somehow knew God had to play a part in the true purpose of being.

I, therefore, embarked on my journey to find a deeper meaning for my existence.  I tried church hopping, to see which denomination was a fit.  I became envious of those who had a deep love for God.   I couldn’t understand why I didn’t (or couldn’t) develop that type of relationship.

Social media has given some of the shy types a voice and a presence to express themselves.  It has given those who like to encourage others a platform to reach as many as possible with words of inspiration, pictures of the world around us, greetings, etc. On the dark side, it has been used to hurt and diminish others.

To become a part of a community, I think the key is to become more outward.  Seek to make a difference in some small way.  Focus on giving more than taking.  Beware of the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality.  I’ve found that these principles bring true joy and happiness.

Volunteering is a great way to become part of a community.

1. Serve your neighbors (help with snow removal, mow lawns, rake leaves) especially if they are elderly, widows, or special needs.
2. Visit seniors in nursing homes or retirement homes where loneliness is a real issue
3. Coach a team
4. Teach life skills at a local community center

Rapid-fire…

Favorite restaurant….Benihana Japanese restaurant

Favorite meal…stew chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, salad

Favorite movie…Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)

Famous person to have a meal with…President Obama

What would I ask:

Moses:  How were you feeling emotionally/physically that brought you to the point of disobedience when you struck the rock when you were directed to speak to it?

Jonah:  Why were you hesitant to go to Nineveh?

Paul:  When you were struck with blindness on the road to Damascus, what were your thoughts and fears?

Mary:  As you watched your son as a toddler, what was one thing he said or did that you stored up in your heart?

Sarah:  How did you feel when you were presented as a sister and not a wife by Abram?

The post Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Sabika Hassan runs womenhealthhub and Sabika.whh, which focuses on women’s health. I like her approach as it is real, vulnerable, direct, and open. She is also the first Muslim whom I am interviewing at Four Columns. She covers a variety of topics regarding women’s health and I strongly recommend you read her blog.

I was born in a Canadian missionary hospital surrounded by Irish, English, and German missionaries. At St. Joseph’s Convent, my classmates were Hindu, Muslim, Protestant, Jain, and Buddhist.

At the age of 13, I headed off to St. Andrews and had to live with students from all over the world, which really expanded my horizons.

At Bishop Cotton School, I was one of three Catholic boys in a Protestant boarding school. Some of my closest friends are still from this school.

At university in Switzerland, I will never forget my closest friends then and till today were Yal (Jewish), Honny (Hindu), Kabir (Muslim), and Ton-Joost (Protestant).

I live in Toronto, which is one of the most multicultural societies in the world. As I take my wife and daughter to see the Hindu temples or to experience Langar at the Sikh Gurdwara, it has opened up my eyes to the beauty of different faiths.

C.S. Lewis, the famous British author, challenges us to step inside and look along with people of different faiths rather than from the outside. To understand, we need to have a dialogue and find commonality. No use poking holes at others, but understand their point of view. Learn their stories as stories are the crux of life.

The key to this kind of understanding is dialogue.

As I sat on the floor of the Gurdwara with Gurpreet Bhogal, he reminded me we are all equal and that hospitality is important to the Sikh faith. As I shared a Shabbat meal with Annette Ronski, I learned the meaning of salt and bitter herbs.

As you head out this week, try to get to know someone of a different faith or just visit a church, mosque, temple, or gurdwara. You will be amazed as to how much in common we have with one another. If you are a female and reading this please take care of your health. Women’s health is important to society. Many cultures do not place an emphasis on women’s health. The result is that women’s health suffers, having a negative impact on society.

Sabika, you have a unique name. What does it mean?

Sabika is an Arabic word meaning pure gold or silver. You may come across this word used in the context of jewelry but spiritually, the meaning is purity, virtuousness, and devotion to God.

I want to know your motivation behind starting Women Health Hub?

Starting a health website has been my goal for the past several years. In 2019, I quit a full-time job as a remote Editor in Chief at a US-based company & decided to pursue this dream.

But why did I choose health, and particularly, women’s health?

I’ve seen women around me not prioritizing their wellbeing. And they’ve suffered because of it. A moment’s hesitation in getting proper treatment at the right time can wreak havoc on families. Children lose their mothers, siblings lose their sisters, parents lose their daughters, and husbands lose their wives. It’s heartbreaking. Additionally, I’ve seen women getting crushed under the financial costs that pile up if they start late treatments.

There’s a severe lack of awareness regarding women’s health issues, especially in underdeveloped countries. Most women have no idea how to differentiate between something normal and abnormal. This leads to serious complications such as in the case of pregnancy.

Lastly, there’s a major communication gap between doctors and female patients. Health professionals rarely have the time to explain how to live a life with certain diseases, what things to beware of, or how to handle emotional turmoil that comes with a chronic or acute illness. For this reason, women have to turn to counselors which can be costly. Their next option is support groups, but it helps to a certain extent. Many patients also don’t communicate properly about their condition, for example, the medications they’re taking.

In short, with womenhealthhub.com, my aim is to bridge these communication gaps, educate & spread awareness about female diseases, and help women understand why they need to prioritize their wellbeing.

This has been my core motivation — to empower women to take control of their health!

Do you believe that women ignore their health or they just need to be more aware of it?

Both, according to my observation. Most women tend to put their own health on the back-burner because of family, work, and tons of responsibilities. Even if they notice anything wrong, the symptoms are often disregarded by saying, “It’s nothing!” or “I’ll be fine.”

But why do women ignore their health? I’d say the main reason is lack of awareness. Dismissing a simple symptom as “nothing” could be one of the biggest mistakes you make. Maybe it’s a sign of hormone imbalance, maybe a sign of cancer. Unless you learn the difference between normal and abnormal, you’ll never truly understand when to visit a doctor or take serious action for your health.

In short, awareness about women’s diseases helps you become more vigilant & be in control of your wellbeing before it controls you.

Do you also write from experience or do a lot of research into healthcare?

Writing from personal experiences helps others relate to your story. This way they don’t feel alone in the struggle & feel understood. But for hard-facts, staying updated on health advancements is integral. Continuous research on health studies is essential if you want to deliver authentic facts to your community. Even if you write from experience, you do need solid and reliable resources to back up your claims. Because nowadays, you have to support important facts with substantial evidence. Otherwise, it breeds uncertainty.

Define what women empowerment means to you?

There’s a lot of controversy around this topic. But for me, it’s pretty simple.

Women empowerment is embracing strong capable women and not being afraid or threatened by them. An educated, mentally strong, and physically healthy woman can do wonders for her family, society, and country. On the other hand, a woman who’s forced to live a life designed and controlled by others feels suffocated, which breeds an unhealthy society & family.

Both genders should work together to create a comfortable & safe environment for women at your home, neighborhood, social gatherings, and a workplace where you can encourage female education, help them find their voice, and become more confident.

Walk me through your faith, the culture, festivals, and everything about it?

I’m a Muslim by faith. Sadly, the true essence of Islam has been misunderstood & disfigured by hypocrites over the years. I would describe Islam as a religion of peace, minimalism, humanity, finding resilience & strength in God during dark times, being grateful for the small stuff, and always standing up for the rights of the oppressed.

On the other hand, Pakistani culture is a culmination of several traditions, both religious and non-religious. We’ve 4 provinces, and each of them has a uniquely vibrant culture with varying music, foods, and societal norms. We primarily speak Urdu (a combination of different languages) but you’ll also find people speaking English, Sindhi, Punjabi, Pashto, and others. The urban culture is significantly different from rural. At the core, Pakistanis are warm, welcoming people. We love to explore, celebrate, meet new people, and have healthy discussions over a cup of tea.

We celebrate numerous festivals throughout the year. The 4 most important religious events are:

Ramzan: We fast for 30 days regularly, from dawn to dusk. At dawn, we have breakfast or Sehri and at dusk, a special feast called Iftari. For Iftari, we prepare samosas, pakoras, dahi baray, dahi bhallay, fruit chaat, and dinner meals.

Eid ul Fitr: A colorful celebration following Ramzan where we eat sweet vermicelli and elders give gifts to youngsters.

Eid ul Azha: For 3 days we carry out animal sacrifices of goats, cows, camels, or sheep as a reminder of Prophet Ibrahim’s near-sacrifice of his son. The meat is then distributed among the needy, neighbors, and relatives.

Muharram: Organized by Shia-Muslims, a sorrowful commemoration & remembrance of Imam Hussein’s sacrifice along with his sons & friends, and how the ladies of their household were kept captives for months.

Talk to me about the city you live in, the food scene and why should we visit it?

I live in Karachi, Pakistan, which is the biggest metropolitan city in our country. People from all over the country come here to work or live. Over the decades, it has become overpopulated, haha. But for tourists, it’s a must-see city!

No matter your interests, you’ll find something enjoyable and worth your visit here. The most popular dish is Biryani — rice mixed in chicken/mutton/beef/veggie curry. You’d rarely come across anyone who isn’t an instant fan of Biryani!

Tourists also love Qorma, Nihari, & Karhai made of chicken, mutton, or beef. Haleem is yet another delicacy made of multiple ground grains & shredded meat. On Sundays, most families have Parathas or Halwa Puri with tea for breakfasts. Karachi is a coastal area and a hub of seafood delicacies. You can eat fried or baked fish, crabs, prawns, and shrimps.

Street foods are also popular here like Gol Gappas (round fried stuffed light dough balls eaten with tamarind chutney), Chana Chaat (spicy chickpeas), Burgers, Kulfis (ice-cream on sticks made of milk), fruit shakes, and spicy french fries.

Karachi is primarily known for its beaches. Turtle Beach, kemari, Sandspit, Hawksbay and restaurants alongside Seaview are worth visiting. Get a glimpse of old Karachi in the 60s & 70s in some parts of Saddar or Kharadar. You’ll find some eye-catching beauties depicting British & Hindu style architecture before our independence.

Most tourism spots in Karachi are centered on our rich history and culture. You should visit the museums & art galleries here with art, books, and cultural exhibitions. Attend our inspiring Urdu, English & literary events with poetry & traditional music or buy a ticket to the latest thought-provoking play in theaters. If you’re a fan of Sufism, then a ghazal night would be your cup of tea.

And of course, don’t forget to visit Karachi’s favorite food galas with 100s of stalls by restaurants & home-chefs, music and fun games for families & friends.

How are women different from your generation compared to your mom and grandmom?

Women nowadays have become more vocal about their rights, which is great. But I guess we also need to talk equally about women’s responsibilities toward society & family.

There was a time when women’s education wasn’t a priority. We should feel lucky that we’re in an era where women are encouraged to get a good education and be independent. But not everyone is that lucky, especially in my country.

I also like that a lot of women have now started being open about their health problems. This is a serious need of our time. We should normalize discussing female diseases to ensure timely detections & preventions.

Tell me a good joke?

Hey, I love jokes! I’ll share two:

One for health enthusiasts:

This was written on a board in front of a drug store: “To the dude who stole our antidepressants — hope you’re happy now!”

One for foodies:

“A cheese factory just exploded in France!”

“That’s awful!”

“Yeah. Da Brie is everywhere.”

The post Sabika Hassan: Focusing on Women’s Health appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.