What is self-care? Self-care is the intentional and concerned process of taking care of and improving your mental, emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual health with a balanced lifestyle. During this pandemic, it can be stressful and self-care is important. I strongly recommend that you eat well, sleep 8 hrs a day, maintain your social network, exercise, take care of your spiritual needs, have financial security and focus on the end of the tunnel.

Self-care is taking care of yourself and it is very important.

I have gone to the gym and eaten healthily for most of my life. I have taken care of my finances. These are examples of self-care. One area I was neglecting was my emotional self-care. I volunteered as a financial counselor, helped many friends go through a divorce and their own emotional challenges. I neglected boundaries and realized my gifts are not in the area of counseling and giving emotional support. I was burned out and it was impacting my marriage and parenting.

We can embrace busyness because that is the status symbol. We try to be busy so that we can feel important. I have learned to say NO to a lot of volunteer and other positions offered to me. I had to have a holistic approach to life.

The moment we align our goals, values, and ethos with our job, friends, charitable giving, and the various organizations that we are part of, cognitive dissonance disappears. We are happy. We live a purpose-driven life. Everything makes sense.

Over the next couple of weeks, this is what I want you to do. The job you have. Do you love it? Are you passionate about it? Does it work with your core competence and skillsets? The friends you have. Are they toxic? Do you hang out with them because of your own insecurity? Are they taking you to where you want to go in life? What about where you live, where you worship, and other organizations that you are part of?

I am asking you to take an inventory of where you are at. We get so caught up in financial net worth that we forget about our emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual worth? What is your identity?

It is 2022. We are still in the midst of a pandemic. Please stay safe and take care of yourself.

Josie D is the creator behind The Cheetah Buzz, a unique lifestyle blog on fashion, beauty, and travel. I catch up with her and talk about personal style, beauty trends, and self-care.

Josie, I am excited to talk to you about fashion, travel, and beauty. I want to know something about you?

Thank you so much for interviewing little ole’ me. I feel so humbled and blessed for this opportunity! One thing about me is that I was born in Accra, Ghana and I came to the United States when I was 6 ½ years old. I believe it will be about 22 years since I’ve been living in the States. I’m also a big fan of yellow cake and anything sweet!

I like The Cheetah Buzz. How did the name come about?

Thank you so much! During my freshman year of college, while I was chilling in my friend’s dorm room, her roommate busted in and told me I looked like a cheetah when I smiled lol. I thought it was really funny and it just stuck in my head. In 2017, when I started a portfolio of my pictures on Instagram, I named it The Cheetah Buzz and that snowballed over to the name of my blog!

I want to know how does one find our own personal style and not get caught following the crowd?

One thing I always stress is figuring out what colors you like to see yourself in, from there, you can build and figure out what textures and fabrics to gravitate towards. My recent blog post about finding your personal style touches more about this topic. To stand out from the crowd, it’s also important to not follow trends as they come and go, but instead be comfortable in doing your own thing. Let people copy off of your style not you copy of off theirs. Be a trendsetter!

Give women some tips on how they can dress better?

One way to learn how to dress better is to download fashion apps like the Combyne app and the Closet Love app. These apps will help you create and style different outfits so you can see which shirts, jeans, shoes, and accessories pair well together.  Once you do that, then you can implement some of those ideas into your own closet and see what pairs well together there. Another tip is to pick one accessory such as a pair of shoes or a silver necklace and create a look around that one item. You can turn this into a fun challenge!

My daughter is 16. What are some self-care drug store products she must own?

When I was 16, I wish I had the Clean & Clear Day & Night Face Wash 2 Pack to keep the pimples away. This product is both oil-free and hypoallergenic. Also, at this age, I was experimenting with lots of makeup, so the Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Wipes and the Lypsyl Lip Balm always came in handy. The wipes removed all of my makeup and the lip balm kept my lips super moisturized.

What are the beauty trends for 2021?

I’m not really sure what the beauty trends for 2021 will be as 2020 has been a stay at home look for a lot of people due to the lockdown. But what I’m hoping is less is more and loving the skin you’re in will be the beauty trend for women in 2021. Based on what I see on social media, fashion runways, and in music videos, it looks like lip glosses, defined eyebrows, colorful makeup, bejeweled eyes, and big lashes are staying strong; so maybe they might roll over into 2021.

Self-care, Self-love is not selfish. Please comment?

If something or outside forces are hurting your mental health and overall wellbeing, it’s definitely not selfish to put yourself first and treat yourself back to health. What good are you to others or to society if you don’t take good care of yourself or even love yourself? When you take care of yourself first, then you’ll be more productive in helping others, and that for sure is not selfish.

What does women’s empowerment mean to you and what is it not?

Women’s empowerment is uplifting and fixing another woman’s crown when you see it tilt. This can refer to a lot of things. When you see, hear or read that another woman is going through some hard times or is feeling weak, reach out and lend an ear to them and let her know that you got her back and you are there to listen.

Woman empowerment is speaking out on issues that are hurting or will cause a problem for other women in the community. Woman empowerment does not mean bringing other women down so you can make yourself feel better. It’s also not being envious of other woman’s achievements or successes just because you are not successful yourself. I like to be in the mindset of when one woman is successful at something, we (women as a whole) are all successful too.

Talk to me a little bit about Ghana. I want to know about its vibrant culture and food scene?

Ghana is a beautiful country. I recently traveled to my hometown of Accra, Ghana back in 2018. My sister and I stayed in a local city called Agbogba. The streets were filled with tons of cars, buses, taxis, and lots of vendors trying to sell people things. There were tons of palm trees nearby and the sand was like a beautiful dark, orange-brown color. The houses were big and beautifully made with their own personalities. People were always smiling and happy about life. It’s definitely a great place to retire lol.

The locals spoke a lot of different languages including Ga, Twi, Ewe, and English of course. I believe the food was the best part of Ghana. You had a wide variety of savory foods to choose from like fufu with palm nut stew, banku with okra stew and crab, jollof rice with lots of goat meat, and kenkey with shito and fried fish, among many others.

I was never a people pleaser. I sleep better. You talk a lot about how people-pleasing can be destructive. Walk me through how it can be harmful?

Lol lucky you! Yes, I have always been a people pleaser since I was little. I think it was just embedded in me to be that way as a child. I was always taught to follow orders and help people out whether I wanted to or not. If I didn’t and told someone no, the guilt I would feel almost made doing the thing for that person better than the feeling of telling them no.

As a people pleaser, it hurt my personal self-care because I always put others’ needs before my own which made me rely upon and put my trust in people. And then when people would disappoint me, the hurt cut through me more than anything — and that is the destructive part about it. Now as a recovering people pleaser, I know I cannot put my trust in others anymore and I cannot be afraid to say no especially if hinders my mental health or overall wellbeing.

I love the fact that you talk about positive affirmation. Share a little about that?

Positive affirmations are so powerful! When you recite positive affirmations, the words can shift your perspective on how you see yourself. Though your circumstances or surroundings may be poor, if you tell yourself I am rich every day, you will start to believe that and that can manifest into you finding ways to become rich or make you look at different parts of your life in a positive way and know that you are rich in other ways: you are rich in health, rich in life, and rich because you have a family that loves you and so forth. Positive affirmations can make a world of difference.

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We all need help in our lives.

Life is full of challenges. No one escapes it.

I truly believe that everything that happens to us is ten percent. Ninety percent depends on if you get up and face the reality of life.

For many of us, 2020 will go down as the worst year of our lives.

In 2020, my wife got diagnosed with cancer, I faced unemployment, a friend committed suicide and both my parents are 83.

When we are faced with a challenge, the easiest thing to do is crawl and hide. I wanted to do that. I did not want to ask for help. I was challenged to ask for help. The response to my help was overwhelming.

People started driving Debbie to her appointments for chemo, radiation, and other appointments. Friends and neighbors made sure we were fed. People were lining up to repair our fence. Women would give my daughter makeup and all kinds of goodies.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. As we enter 2021, I strongly recommend that if you are facing issues that you get help. It will be a game-changer in your life.

Hannah Siller has a Master of Science in Counseling with an Emphasis in Trauma and Crisis (MC). She is a life coach and also blogs on many issues covered here in this interview. I have learned a lot from her blog as she goes into details on various topics covered in this interview.

Hannah, welcome to Four Columns. I want to know something important about you?

Mental health is my life. I have a master’s in counseling with an emphasis in trauma and crisis and am currently a doctoral candidate in psychology (PsyD.). This passion was born from my own struggle growing up in an abusive home and suffer from complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My main goal in life is to make sure that everything I went through was not in vain. I have done this through my experience as a clinical counselor and by educating others about mental health and raising awareness of trauma with my blog and public speaking. The trauma will never go away but if I can help others then that is enough.

Talk to me about what is life coaching? What is your approach as a life coach?

Life coaching is the basic level of support a person can get with the difficult things that life throws at us. It is mostly for people with situational distress such as divorce, career changes or to help manage personally viewed flaws like organization and improving communication skills. I personally have a background in clinical therapy/counseling, so my approach is very similar to traditional mental health support. Nonjudgment is my number one goal. I’m here to help the client find the best of them possible. Only they will know what that looks like. I like to think of myself as a dream maker. Helping them find their dream and get there.

I get confused between a life coach and a counselor. Is there a difference?

There is a huge difference between Coaching and traditional therapy/counseling! The biggest difference is diagnosis. Only a licensed therapist/counselor can diagnose an individual. This is important because if they cannot diagnose, they can also not treat an individual. Therefore, they cannot work with a client that NEEDS diagnosis and treatment. This limits their scope of practice to issues not in the diagnostic manual (DSM-5).

Can: Stress, non-clinical anxiety, life changes, health, and career.

Can’t: Depression, trauma, clinical anxiety, Bipolar disorders, and so on.

I got laid off, lost two of my closest friends, the wife got diagnosed with cancer, all in a short time? How do you help someone in a situation like that?

The foundation of a situation like this is going to be grief. There is a lot of loss hitting all at once and in a variety of different ways. Not only will this individual need to vent and process all of the changes they are experiencing but they will need to sort out the questions of what next? This might look like finding new forms of support systems, learning self-care techniques to cope, gaining access to resource information to help manage the bigger situations like job and wife’s medical needs, and assessing personal emotional state.

I want to know how we can use patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, charity, unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness in being allies of mental health?

Being an ally for mental health comes down to empathy. Rather than judgment, we can try to understand the things that others struggle with. Through empathy, we find the motivation to learn about things we don’t understand in order to understand it better. Through empathy, we are more willing to practice patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, charity, unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness. Empathy allows us to care for others as we would care for ourselves. When we can do this, we can be an ally the world needs.

How important are eating, sleeping, and self-care as part of our health?

Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. When we don’t take care of our mental health our physical health suffers. We have less desire to eat healthy, exercise, and take care of ourselves. Likewise. When we don’t take care of our physical health it can actually impact our mental health increasing the chances of developing depression and lower self-esteem.

In the last couple of years, what are you noticing about your patients?

The main pattern I have noticed is a decrease in people’s knowledge about self-care and emotional regulations. I would say half of my sessions are focused on teaching breathing techniques, education, and problem-solving self-care options, and helping clients learn how to manage their emotions in a positive way.

What is your Fav Disney movie?

Lion King (animated) although Belle is my favorite Disney Princess.

Why are you fascinated with Harry Potter?

I grew up in an abusive home at the same time that the Harry Potter books were released. These books became my escape. As I got older the books got darker and more serious just as I myself was coming to terms with the abuse I had faces. The subject of grieving the pain of things lost was huge. Harry took a horrible tragedy and accepted his fate in all of it. In the end, he was stronger because he chose to love and forgive rather than giving into pain that should have broken him.

Why do you like Star Wars?

Princess Leia was the first strong female role model I was exposed to. This left a lasting impact on me. Plus, lightsabers are cool, and Harrison Ford is in it and I’m obsessed with Indiana Jones.

I want to know some of your favorite books? 

The Harry Potter series followed closely by Pride and Prejudice and Little Woman.

What do you like about gaming?

I have been playing Dungeons and Dragon-type games for almost 10 years, not counting the brief encounter I had in high school. There is something very therapeutic about this type of gaming. Being part of a group that counts on your contribution, having a similar goal you have to work together to achieve, plus the pure creative joy. In D&D you get to be the hero. So much of my own struggle and positive qualities come through in your characters. It is a beautiful experience.

What is your favorite object to photograph?

My absolute favorite type of photography I have ever done is starscapes. But since I rarely have access to several thousand-dollar specialized telescopes I usually photograph my second favorite subject, nature. Although recently most of my effort has been dedicated to my niece and have become my sister’s private photographer.

Is writing cathartic for you?

I write a great deal about my own struggle with mental health as well as my childhood trauma and abuse. With subject matter like this it can actually be incredibly stressful and draining. I don’t do it because the act brings me joy and relaxation. I do it because I have the ability to make a difference with my story and knowledge. Helping others, that’s what makes it worth it.

What are your current projects?

I have two major projects currently active.

The first is my personal blogging project “Diary of a Trauma Survivor.” This project focuses on my own story of childhood abuse and discusses the way trauma impacts our lives. The goal of this project is education and awareness. For so long trauma, especially abuse, has been a taboo subject. With this has come an increase in stigma and a decrease in the intervention. Through my story, I hope to help those who struggle with trauma as well as help those without experience to understand.

My second project is called the This Is Me Mental Health Representation Project. This is a collaboration project that is open to all forms of creative expression that depict what mental health means. The goal of this project is to raise awareness of the mental health struggles that everyone faces. Since not all those struggles are writers this project uses a unique approach of allowing artists and poets to participate. Don’t consider yourself creative? Interview questions are also available for those who have a story to share but not sure how to start.

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