Discover 10 life lessons my daughter has taught me so far
The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, “Daddy, I need to ask you something,” he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. – Garrison Keillor, The Book of Guys, 1993
From the moment she was born… I felt an instant, radical, unconditional love that redefined love. – Bryan Cranston, A Life in Parts, 2016
Focus on the miracles around you
I am in the clinic with Debbie. She is three months pregnant. After the doctor checks her out, he asks me if I want to listen to Jean’s heartbeat. I said sure. As I put the diaphragm to Debbie’s stomach and the earplugs to my ear, I hear the heartbeat.
I asked Neal, what happens next. He said Mother Nature takes over.
Neal referred us to a gynecologist. We made the trip to the clinic a couple of times and everything was fine.
Jean was two weeks late. On the last day, as the blood pressure of the mother and daughter hit high, they asked me to go and change, since I wanted to cut the cord. In the time that it took me to change, four specialists and the nurse had already taken Debbie and performed the C section. I just saw them pulling Jean out.
They tapped her feet, gave an injection to her feet, wrapped her up, and handed her over to me.
A sperm and an egg meet to produce this baby.
It just hit me. The permutations and combinations that had to go exact for Jean.
It still boggles my mind. It is nothing but a miracle, the way the eye, nose, ear, and the rest of the body works.
All the specialists at the hospital said it is a miracle, the whole process.
As you go on your day to day, focus on all the miracles happening around you. You will be amazed.
What is important
There is a lot of noise and distractions out there in the world. Jean taught me to focus on what is important. I am responsible for raising this baby. This was an important task.
In life, focus on what is important. Too often we focus on the wrong things and end up losing the important things in our lives.
Be grateful
On our first visit to the doctor with Jean, I told Neal I was a little bit worried. He asked me why. I told him that Jean is so quiet, she sleeps well and barely cries. Do you think she is deaf and dumb? He said let us do one thing. I will take Jean and you can take my three-month-old colic son. Debbie explained to me what a colic kid is.
Try not to over-analyze everything in life. Be grateful and go with the flow.
Do not sweat the small stuff
It is so easy to get caught up in checking all the milestones. Jean would meet all the weight, height, walking, talking, getting out of diapers stage in time. Some happened earlier, some happened later.
In life no use sweating over the small stuff. If your car gets a flat tire, or the washing machine breaks down, that is life.
Give up control
I am a recovering control freak and perfectionist. My life and home always reflected this. I write everything that needs to be done and depend on a calendar to organize my life. Once Jean came into my life, the control that I thought I had was gone.
The living room and the basement were always a mess. The family room did not look like the cover of the magazine. I enjoyed the time I had with her, not focusing on whether chores or other things had to be done.
In life, very few things are under our control. Let go.
Dance
As Jean turned four, I wanted to put her in swimming and soccer. These were two things that I had little knowledge of. After a few lessons, Jean told me she wanted to dance. The soccer registration form never got filled.
Jean has been dancing for ten years. She loves it. She lives and breathes it.
As I watch her classes, I am amazed at these talented athletes. I get tired just watching. The stretching, discipline of food, sleep, exercise, and keeping a balance is amazing.
Do not live your dreams through your kids. Play to their strengths.
Carpe diem
I loved Jean as a four-year-old. She had no regrets. She was young and free and was not negatively conditioned in any way. She had no concept of the future and no past experiences. She embraced the present. This is why kids are happier than adults.
Jean took pleasure in simple things. She loved having the sprinkler on her the whole day.
As adults, we are attached to our past and future. We are scared about the future and look at the past with regret. This constant struggle can mess us up.
Unconditional love
One evening as I was having dinner in a restaurant with Debbie during her final month of pregnancy, an older gentleman came up to me and said ‘Life will never be the same for you and you will see it from different eyes’.
Those words resonate with me daily. Jean has changed me and as a parent, you are not the same person. I have all this love for her which is unconditional. I will always be a parent, responsible for loving her.
Try loving people unconditionally. It will transform you.
Become a better person
Life has always been about me. However, Jean has taught me to make this world a better place. She is very conscious of the environment, water conservation, recycling, being a good citizen, and making a difference.
In life, if you are stuck in your way and not willing to embrace change and the positive aspects of the present generation, you really miss the boat.
Time
There is a reason I have left this as the last point. As parents, we focus on keeping the kids busy and buying them the latest games. Kids just need our time, our hugs, our smiles, and our reassurance. Kids do not care about your status, Facebook updates, LinkedIn profile, or net worth. They want your time.
I am so grateful to have learned all the above points and Jean has transformed me as a person.
Let me know of some other lessons that you have learned from your daughter.
Photo Credits: Derek Thomson Nathan Dumlao Caleb Jones Morgan David de Lossy lauren lulu taylor Mikael Stenberg Kelly Sikkema
Fathers and daughters always have a special relationship. I berated my father for calling me a pet name well into my 30s. His reply was, “You’ll always be my little girl”
Beautifully written and filled with wisdom and love, you’re blessed! <3
I am a father to two daughters and after having them people would ask me if I was going to try for a boy. My answer was always why? I have two fantastic daughters who I love more than anything. I knew all about boy stuff being a boy and all but having girls has opened my eyes to a different world. My girls have taught me so much. They’ve taught me to be silly and more in touch with how I feel. I’ve learned about dancing, and weddings and all srots of stuff I would have never experienced with boys. I wouldn’t change having girls for a second. This is a great piece Jerry.
This is so lovely and a great reminder for all of us, to focus on what’s important rather than distractions or white noise. I don’t have children myself, but I am a daughter. And I value my relationship with my Dad everyday.
What beautiful pictures of you and your daughter, she’s so sweet. As a former dancer and dance teacher, I love that she chose to dance. The kids who do it out of passion are the ones who will be the most tenacious and successful. It’s so important to let children pursue their own passions, which might be different to those of the parents.
Wishing you and your family the best in these tough times.
I don’t have children of my own, but I learnt the same lessons from my twin nice and nephew and spending time with my cousin’s daughter. Their view of the world is so pure, filled with possibilities and opportunities for making life even better. As an adult it rocked my world to realize I had been prioritizing panic over simply living and I thank them every day for showing me what’s really important.
I love father and daughter’s relationship. I miss my bond with my father. they really make a difference in a girl’s life.
I do not really have any parenting experience. My niece however taught me a lot: to think ahead, to be aware of your surroundings all the times, to feel my body better. my elder niece is deaf and even though now she has implants and is normally developed it was not always like that and there are still limits (like 4 meters around her limits). I absolutely love her and she is wise beyond age
Hi Jerry,
those are beautiful and very deep lessons you’ve learned from your little girl.
I don’t have a daughter, I have a son… If I only knew when I was pregnant how “Life will never be the same for you [me]… ” literally… Because of my son I ended up living in a different country, speaking a new language, mastering new occupations (more than once!)…
“… you will see it from different eyes” – that second part of your older gentlemen saying is also very true. The way my husband and I started seeing life after our son was born has changed tremendously… We were now responsible to use our 4 eyes for seeing life for all 3 of us, and our life-perception had to be of high-quality and clarity – so that we didn’t mislead and embarrass our son.
Every child is special, but when your child has “special needs” and severe medical conditions, everything you said in your post, triples and quadruples. Every Word You Said! There is no difference in approach, no exceptions in what you do as a parent – only the intensiveness and number of repetitions.
One point that many parents of children with disabilities often go wrong about: they worry too much about insignificant issues and overprotect their kids, while in fact, your advice “Do not sweat the small stuff” is much more important for them than for everybody else.
Your daughter chose to dance. Our son chose to play music, and then he made a choice for us to dance it. LOL. Yes, he loves Argentine tango and plays at the parties. We have to help him anyway (drive him in, set up his music equipment, etc.)… so, why not to learn the dance then? 😉
Warm wishes to you and your ladies,
~ Julia
Beautiful life lessons Jerry – I can understand them all, even though I do not relate to them as yet. The part about unconditional love really gets to me – no one, other than a parent can give that. The magnitude of it is mind boggling for me since I’m not a parent but I hope to understand it some day.
Focus on the miracles & Be Grateful are mantras that I’ve followed since I was a kid. My mum had a chronic life threatening disease which she powered through for 15+ years and everyday of it we were grateful for the miracle we had.
‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’ is also something I consciously try to apply to my life – having the right perspective on life is important to be happy.
Reading this made me tear up missing my dad. He passed in 2013 of undiagnosed renal cancer. I was definitely his baby and he was the parent who did everything for and with me the most. I’m glad I never took his love and commitment for granted, because those memories are what often help me stay focused on spending quality time with my own children now that they’re adults.
Jerry, I don’t have kids, but this post really made me stop and evaluate my priorities and what I find important, as I read this. You specifically asked me not to be in a cranky mood when I read this, and I waited for a time when I knew I was ready because it was so important to you. Which to be perfectly honest, I am so glad you asked that of me and I did! Because I was able to really grasp the message and stop and think about it as I read. Not many messages are that powerful, but yours is. Thank you, my friend.
This is a truly beautiful post, it brought a tear to my eye! I am not yet a parent but the love you have for your daughter is just incredible, and inspiring. I hope to one day be as loving a parent as you. And these lessons are great ones for us all to learn, whether we have children or not. Thank you so much for sharing, and sending some light out to us all.
https://philippaclaire.com/
Lovely post and photos. And so true, time for someone
is so much important..
This is beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing and reminding us all that there are many more important things than our career or social media presence!
This post is so sweet. Hope these lessons vibrate to all parents. There are just so much worrying from them because kkds have to do this and that. And more so of having daughters in our world today. It’s awesome that you are a cool dad. Lastly, quality time is the most essential. Cheers!
I love these. Especially learning to let go and give up control and not letting the small things bother you. It’s definitely something I’m having to learn to do more of
Such a cool stuff and such a meaningful name for the site. Good one
Amazing advice thanks for sharing.
Jerry, this is more than beautiful! I can see in my family how unique the father-daughter relationship is and just love to watch them. The older man was right: nothing is the same ever again. it’s way better!
you are a great father and I agree that kids teach us many lessons.
thanks for sharing this awesome post.
This is so sweet. I love watching my husband with my daughter. Since he first saw her on that sonogram 12 years ago, he’s been smitten.
Some awesome insight here. Our children are wise and insightful beyond their years. Children are the definition of mindfulness, they only live for the moment. Perhaps that is why we see so much going on in the world around us which we don’t see until we have children. I don’t know. As a dad with a daughter who writes similar things, this resonates. Keep up the good work and writing.
I have definitely learned to be more flexible in plans because something will go differently than expected and if you are flexible it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing