Empower Your Daughter

An important quote to empower your daughter by Amy Tenney.

‘The world needs strong women. Women who will lift and build others, who will love and be loved. Women who live bravely, bother tender and fierce. Women of indomitable will.’

Jean had been accepted as an intern for 8 weeks in a nonprofit in another city. It was the first day of her work and I was dropping her off at the train station. It was a two-hour ride to another city. She would work from Tuesday to Saturday and be living with someone.

My heart was in my mouth. As I came back to the car, my wife was crying. She was scared.

Jean was confident, excited, and looking forward to this new adventure. She is only 17.

It is 2021. There is a tectonic shift away from patriarchy. Women are detaching themselves from stereotypes and creating their own unique path to success, happiness, and existence on their terms. The question I have for parents. Are you ready to support and empower your daughter as she navigates the 21^st century?

Here I lay down some words of advice on how we can empower our daughters, build confidence, create healthy self-esteem and cultivate motivation. An empowered daughter is secure in herself, takes action, makes positive choices about her life, and does positive things for other people. She thinks critically about her environment, expresses her feelings, and acknowledges the feeling of others.

I want Jean to be unique, self-reliant, fearless, and confident that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. Remember your daughter is barraged by the media that is all about her looks and weight. This negative message is a hindrance to her achieving her destiny. The stimuli damage their self-esteem and make them feel inadequate. As a parent, you need to compliment her ethics, values, morals, ideals, and talents not just looks.

‘Character. Intelligence. Strength. Style. That makes beauty.’ – Diane Von Furstenberg

Empower your daughter by loving her unconditionally

I love Jean unconditionally. I give her hugs and am affectionate toward her. I always tell her ‘I love you.’ Since the beginning, I have always made time for her. I went to her graduation, dance practices, volleyball games, and date nights. We always spend quality time playing games, watching movies, and talking. One area where I needed to get better was talking to her rather than lecturing her. It is important for parents to love their daughters unconditionally and not based on performance.

Be authentic and vulnerable with her

Try being human, real, vulnerable, and authentic around your daughter. Humans make mistakes. Admit your own weaknesses and mistakes. Communicate what you learned from those mistakes. Your daughter will make mistakes. Let her know it is part of life.

Stick to your promises

Never say you will be somewhere or take her somewhere if you will not be there. Just be open and direct about your schedule. It will help her not be disappointed.

Empower your daughter with encouragement and less discipline

Discipline is important. However, it needs to be done with love, encouragement, and focus on the outcome of discipline. If your daughter is always late or is not telling the truth, then you need to deal with it. Talk openly about how you overcame obstacles and challenges and how it was the discipline that got you through. Talk about her being late is a lack of respect for other people and how her actions impact other people.

Do not live your life through your daughter

Your daughter is unique. She was born at a different time. The biggest mistake you can make is living your life and dreams through her. This will create bitterness and anger in her. You have to find out what she is passionate about. Match her skills, and strengths with her activities. The biggest gift you can give your daughter is to allow her to be herself. It was important for her to make constructive choices about her life.

I love soccer and swimming and wanted Jean to do that. At age 4 she said she loves art and dancing. She has been doing that for thirteen years. She has thrived in expressing herself.

Do not shove your culture down her throat

If you were born in another country, it is important that you appreciate why you moved and the positive aspects of the new country. Introduce your culture to her, but also let her embrace the new culture also.

Empower your daughter by asking for her opinion

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ – Eleanor Roosevelt

As your daughter becomes a teenager she will become aware of herself, her feeling, and her thoughts. She is wired to communicate. It is a season of so much physical and emotional change surrounded by social media. It is a delicate time of being insecure. Talk to her about her opinions on different issues and listen to understand.

Help her to have healthy boundaries

I told Jean early on that she does not have to be liked by everyone or become the most popular only to lose herself. She needs to be aware of her feelings, emotions and not agree to something that goes against her ethics and moral values. This is very important otherwise you are setting her up to be codependent.

She needs to move past her comfort zone

‘I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story. I will.’ – Amy Schumer

In order for your daughter to grow, she needs to get out of her comfort zone. She should be encouraged to take risks and follow her passions. We can learn a lot from them.

She needs to be exposed to strong female role models

One of the things I did like about the internship was that not only was she working with women from Montreal and Paris but she would be trained by women from Hamilton, Ottawa, Newmarket, Halifax, and from the States. She saw female leaders in action. She participated in many activities where she was valued and it increased her sense of self and confidence.

Identify values that are important to the family

Jean knows that it is important to have meals together, spend quality time together, and also have times where we sit and talk. She knows our family values.

Travel with her

I have taken Jean to Cuba, Mexico, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Panama Canal, Belize, Honduras, New York, Montreal, Halifax, Ottawa, and Frankfurt. The exposure is great for her as she sees different cultures, food, and ways of doing things. It opens her mind.

Volunteer as a family

‘People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But, people will never forget how you made them feel.’ – Maya Angelou

Jean has volunteered with me in Cuba in visiting schools and homes. In Toronto, she helped me greet people for a non-profit center. This is bonding time to show her that there is more to life than social media and that a lot of good can come out of volunteering.

Do not solve her problems

The goal is to create an independent, empowered woman and not a co-dependant. Your daughter needs to solve her own problems and issues. This will help her develop coping skills and strategies to deal with situations in life. There may be times when you disagree with your daughter but it gives her a sense of control and she needs to take responsibility for her decisions.

It is ok to disagree

‘The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.’ – Albert Einstein

When you raise an independent, empowered girl, it also means you have to live with her. She has to stand up for herself and learn how to do it in the future. She needs to stick with her convictions and not be a people or crowd-pleaser.

Know the difference between glamour sex and healthy sex

At some point, you have to talk to your daughter about sex. She needs to be aware of it. Also, the difference between sex in the media and in real life. She needs to know the difference between sex in the movies and what sex is in a loving caring relationship with emotions, feelings, intimacy, and unconditional love.

Help her to appreciate food

It is important to give your daughter fresh and healthy food. She will appreciate fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, salads, fresh meats, and dairy. Keep fast and processed food away from her.

The importance of money

You do not want your daughter to go to college or university and have no clue about money. From an early age, I taught Jean what is debit and credit. I taught her how money works. A few months back, she sat down with my financial adviser at the bank who gave her the basics of a savings account, checking account, mutual funds, credit card, and how to save money. Your daughter needs to respect money.