Money and Holidays

Money and holidays go hand in hand.

There is so much to do. You have to buy gifts, visits family and friends, bring stuff to each of those visits.

If one is not careful, the bills can pile up and January can become a scary month. However, it does not have to turn out that way. Have a budget, set up a list, pay cash, do some free stuff for people, volunteer, give your time, do not buy on credit, do not buy last minute, give practical gifts, use coupons or online sales and have fun.

Enjoy the holidays and rejuvenate and get ready for the new year.

I talk to Hope who is a blogger at UndertheMedian and we discuss how to stay within a budget and to use your money wisely during the holidays.

Hope, a pleasure to have you onboard and talk about one of my favorite topics, money and household finances. I love your name Hope and please tell my audience a little about you?

My husband, Larry, and I have been married for 31 years and are the proud parents of four sons – age 11-23. I have a degree in Radio and Television, working for a local radio station for 12 years, before leaving the full-time workforce when I had children.

Since then, I’ve provided voiceover talent for such prestigious companies as Pioneer Hybrid International and the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. I sing the second soprano and have been a featured soloist for the highly-acclaimed Heritage Ensemble, am a frequent and popular speaker at the APACHE Homeschooling convention, civic, and church groups. I teach literature and public speaking in the high school department at Peoria Cooperative Academy. I have written multiple guest posts for websites, including Crystal Paine (Money Saving Mom) and Change Your Finances. Finally, I blog and give tips on living with a spirit of joy and abundance on a shoestring budget.

What is Under the Median all about? Why should we read it? Who is your audience?

When my husband and I married in 1988, we were each making $5 an hour. Three months later, our bank account registered ZERO! We had a choice to make. Would we continue our current spending habits and sink into debt, or look our situation square in the face, embrace delayed gratification, and learn to live within our means?

We chose to take the bull by the horns, set goals, and figure out how to live lean. Four years later, we purchased our first home with a 20% down payment. We paid off our 15-year mortgage in just 5 years. Then, 12 years later, we purchased our current home with cash. We did it all while raising 4 sons on an income that was consistently under the national US median income.

My blog, Under the Median, was born three years ago out of a desire to teach others how to not only cut costs but also to live with a spirit of joy and abundance while doing it! Encouragement and practical advice are huge parts of my blog. Anyone who wants tips on how to live within their means, save money, and create memories without spending money, will enjoy reading my blog.

You talk a lot about budgeting. What is it and why is it important to talk about money?

Some people get very uncomfortable when you begin speaking about budgeting, but, really, they shouldn’t. A budget is a monthly spending plan, giving each dollar that you earn a job to do. It’s not about being in a financial straight jacket. It’s about giving yourself freedom, knowing that you can spend money on that latte, as long as you have budgeted for it. I often tell people that no one is excused from setting short, medium, and long-term goals. In fact, if you make a less-than-average income, written goals are critical to your success.

It is not how much money you make but how much you save. Please comment?

Absolutely! We, personally, live in a neighborhood that is full of people who make several times what we do. My husband works at the local police department and has had captains and sergeants ask him how we bought a home in our neighborhood. We could afford to live here because we had a plan and worked diligently to make it happen. It was a long, hard road to achieve that goal.

Also, you have to remember that “money problems” do not just affect those who make little money. Often, folks who make a higher-than-average income, have never learned the principles of budgeting. You have to approach it as though it is a skill – because it is! The good thing is, anyone can do it! You don’t need a college degree or lots of money to make it happen. Information about how to save money and successfully budget are available for FREE. All you have to do is look for it! I’ve been budgeting for 30 years and I still check out finance books from the library. Why? Because there is always something more that I can learn.

December is the holiday season and stressful for many people with gifts and travel. How can people make it easier by spending the money they have?

I love this question! I teach a 3-pronged holiday strategy.

• Be authentic and honest

There is nothing more wonderful than sharing warm moments with family and friends. However, the pressure to attend functions and spend money is very real!  It’s enough to leave you distraught, confused, and emotionally devastated. You can’t do it all – physically, financially, or emotionally. So, don’t try.  Be upfront and honest with every single person who comes to you with a request or an expectation. Answer sincerely and with a smile.

• Set realistic expectations and boundaries

Boundaries are HUGE during the holidays, especially when it comes to family dynamics. It’s okay to tell your siblings that you won’t be contributing $100 toward Mom and Dad’s gift this year. Instead, you can afford $50. It’s okay to tell friends that you’d love to meet them for a drink, but you already allocated your restaurant money for the month. Better yet, invite them to your place for a pot luck dinner and then play board games or watch cheesy Christmas movies. It’s okay to set limits on how much you will spend on gifts. When was the last time you opened a gift and said, “Wow!  This is great!  How much did it set you back?”  I would venture to say that never have such crass words come from your lips.  So, it is highly unlikely that any friend or loved one will utter them either.

• Create margin and memories.

If looking at your December calendar is giving you hives, then do what you need to do to make it manageable. I advise that people pick several days and a pencil in “evening at home”. This gives you emotional permission to take time out to just breathe, read a book, and sip a drink by the light of the Christmas tree. Taking time for self-care is SO important when your schedule is a little wild.

Finally, you must remember that creating meaningful moments does not always mean spending a lot of money. We never had money while raising the boys, but we discovered several annual events, which were free or nearly free. As the boys got older, they told us which ones were most important to them. In fact, when our oldest was home from college for Thanksgiving, all six of us gathered in the living room, and everyone scheduled into their phone, the dates and times of this year’s holiday family events. My boys did not want to miss any of our family traditions!

How are household finances and money different as a single, married, and married with kids?

I remind married couples that they are a team! Just like a football player would never start passing when he was supposed to be blocking or tackling, you can’t go off in your own direction when you are married. Generally, one person in a relationship is a spender and the other is a saver. You need each other to find balance. I am the saver, but I need my husband to periodically say, “We have the money saved for this trip. It’s okay to relax and spend the money.” Conversely, he needs me to tell him, “No, we can’t afford that new big, screen television until next year” Then, I follow up with a timeline. “If we save $100 a month, we should have enough money in six months.”

The other thing you need to take into consideration is your partner’s communication and learning style. Larry is concrete-sequential. He doesn’t like anything that is nebulous. He likes a carefully thought out plan for nearly everything. When I began budgeting, my husband was pretty doubtful that we’d be able to reach any financial goals. Remember, we were both making $5 an hour. I realized that he needed to see my plan in black and white. So, I created a chart, delineating where we were financially now, a preliminary budget plan, and a timeline of when we would reach that first big goal (which was paying cash for a car). His reaction was like night and day! Once he could see that there were a clear path and a plan that we could set in motion, he was “in”!

Being married with kids is a whole new ball game! As parents, we want to give our kids the world. I remind people to think deeply about what really and truly counts in life. We need to develop our children’s character, their work ethic, their compassion for others, and their awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses. Your children need your love, affirmation, guidance, and time. None of which will cost you money! We spent a huge amount of time with our boys, deliberately creating moments every week of family bonding and fellowship. My grown sons have thanked us again and again for letting them know that they were loved and cherished.

Having said that, I’m a HUGE proponent of teaching financial principles at an early age. We give our sons an allowance from age 5-14 and it is tied to weekly chores and work. When they turn 14, we have a coming-of-age celebration! They receive special gifts from us, a ceremony, a blessing from my husband, and a party for family and friends. At age 14 we also stop paying them an allowance. Instead, we “invest in their dreams”, matching 50% of the amount that they earn toward their own, personal goals. They must earn their half by working for someone besides us. At age 16, they reach financial independence. We pay for all school-related expenses, healthcare, and food. They get a job, pay for their portion of the car insurance, purchase their own cell phone, and pay for all personal items and expenses. We match the first $2000 that they save toward a car.

Our sons knew very early in life that we would not pay for their college experience. We simply could not do it. They were encouraged to get good grades, participate in extra-curricular activities, and define their strengths and interests. Our oldest son will graduate debt-free in May of 2020, with 2 associate’s degrees and 1 bachelor’s degree. He won several scholarships, including a full-tuition offer to transfer to an amazing, small, private, Christian university. Our second son chose not to attend university. Instead, he is pursuing a career in IT. His passion for all things electronic has been clear since he was very young. Not only does his employer deeply appreciate his work ethic and commitment to the company, but they are also paying for all of his certifications.

I tell single people that they should not “go it alone”. No man (or woman) should be an island.

Get an accountability partner. It’s honestly lonely for someone who is single and is struggling with making ends meet or is deeply in debt. It can be debilitating to feel alone. They need to pick someone who will support their goals, not be afraid to lovingly be honest with them, and give them a sounding board. I mention the ability to call that partner if you are in the mall and that Kate Spade bag is calling your name. They will be able to tell you to put the plastic away and save up for it.

Give me three tips on how we can save money and have a meaningful holiday season?

There are three major steps that I tell people to take to get through the holidays without breaking the bank.

• Get accountable. Don’t do Christmas alone and don’t “wing it”!

I will tell you with absolute transparency that the opinions of others have always mattered very much to me.  I love to make people happy and nothing breaks my spirit more than knowing that I have disappointed a friend or family member.  At Christmas, my husband and I spent out of guilt, feeling that we needed to make everyone happy.

It also became clear in a really short order that my annual spending spree had to stop! It was time for intellectual and emotional honesty with one another. We had to negotiate what traditions stayed and which ones needed to be cut. We had to partner together to get through December without a holiday hangover in January.

If you are not married, I highly recommend that you get an accountability partner.  This person should be trustworthy and willing to be firm, but honest with you.

• Plan a realistic Christmas budget

One of the mistakes that people make is creating a gift list and then stopping there. First of all, that gift list needs to include how much you intend to spend on each person. Just going to the mall or heading to Amazon will spell certain disaster if you have no idea how much you can reasonably spend.

Secondly, I include everything related to the holidays: gifts, decorations, special dinners, supplies, high-priced ingredients that I don’t generally buy, stocking stuffers, and events like annual plays or musicals. I try to think of everything that may need to be added to my holiday budget and list it.

• Shop wisely

Don’t hop on the “whatever is popular” bandwagon. Usually, those items are not only hard to find, but they are also expensive. Remember the Cabbage Patch dolls in the 1980s? There were physical riots trying to grab them off the shelves. Instead, put some thought into items that are meaningful. They should also fit into your budget, of course. You may consider visiting shops that stock lightly used items. Also, pay with cash. When you do, statistically you spend 20% less.

You have been married for three decades and raise four children. Give my readers some tips on being a wife and a mother?

As a mother, I took great pleasure in the challenge to create moments of family bonding for little or no money. For instance, because we had absolutely no money to go out to eat, we took the boys on Friday night picnics. Every Friday, we packed up whatever I had made for supper, a board game, read-aloud book, or some music, and headed off to a local park that overlooked the river. Both of my older sons voted “Friday night picnics” as their absolute favorite memory while growing up.

One of the other important roles of being a mother is being a sounding board for your kids without becoming a helicopter parent. My boys always knew that they could talk to me about anything – and they did! However, they also learned that if they were not looking for solutions, but for sympathy, they would preface the conversation with, “Mom, I just need you to listen”.

Another super important concept I talk about when I speak to parents is allowing your children to be their own person. They are not carbon copies of you. They come with their own set of strengths and weaknesses, their own desires and goals, their own individual bent and calling in life. Our role, as parents, is to help them discover the talents that God has birthed in them and then facilitating a pathway for them to move in that direction.

You talk a lot about your faith in your blog. Walk me through this faith and how has it helped you?

Being Christians has had a huge impact on our view of money. We believe that ultimately God provides for all our needs. We also understand that God has given us our income. We are stewards of it, not only to meet our own needs but also to reach out beyond our own family and impact the lives of others. Many times, when goals seemed insurmountable or stress mounted, my husband and I would take to our knees together and pray for help and for guidance. Having a frame of reference which includes a Divine impartation of strength has been absolutely critical in every area of our lives.

Talk to me about a time you face something really challenging and how you overcame it?

Probably the biggest hurdle we have ever surmounted was paying cash for our home. In the fall of 2008, at 3:30 pm, three of my children had just come inside from playing in the front yard. At that moment, a drug dealer ran through the front yard, closely followed by the police. This was not the first time that chaos had erupted in our neighborhood. Sadly, gunshots and break-ins were becoming all too commonplace. My husband looked at me and wordlessly mouthed, “When can we move?” I did the quickest calculations I had ever done in my life!  Here’s how the situation looked on paper.

• We owned our current home.
• We had some savings.
• My husband made $40,000 a year.
• We needed an additional $60,000 to move to a better neighborhood.

We gave ourselves two years to save money. If we couldn’t eat it or wear it, we didn’t buy it. We cut every penny possible from our already tight budget. Every extra dollar that came into the house, went into the “house fund”. We communicated more effectively than we ever had in our married life. We prayed as a family every night and thanked God for making a way where there seemed to be none. We grabbed onto that great, big, nearly impossible goal with both hands and refused to let go!

Twenty months later, we had saved 37% of my husband’s income. In August of 2010, we paid cash for a three-bedroom, two-bath, brick home in a very good neighborhood.