Marriage and Laughter: Steve & “The Babe”

February is the month of romance, love, and playing Cupid.

No matter what your relationship status, you need to go on a date. Take your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or just a friend on a date. It should be exciting, fun, creative and both parties need to find it pleasurable. Try different things and activities to boost the relationship or your romance.

Go to a new destination, a different restaurant, different cuisine, or a drive-in theatre. Make it exciting.

I talk to Steve and Lauretta who have been married for more than 30 yrs about their marriage and romance.

Steve and Lauretta, February is the romantic month. Let’s talk about marriage, romance, and reality. Welcome to my blog and tell us something important about you?

S&L: We have been happily married for 30 years and have 2 great adult children. One unique thing about us is that we got married on my (Steve’s) birthday.

Wow!!! The best gift of your life. When did you know Steve,  that Lauretta was the one for you? Same with you Lauretta?

S: I don’t remember a specific moment.  But I remember a series of events such as Lauretta bringing me brownies one night (they were warm) and being pulled aside and asked by friends, “What are you waiting for?”

L:  I don’t think I ever really had that thought.  I was in love with and enjoying the euphoria of it.  I had finished my master’s degree and was ready for a new chapter.

How romantic. I am sure dating was just fine with no problems and everything was smooth…what were the challenges?

L:  We dated a very short time (3.5 months of dating and then 3.5 months of engagement).  We didn’t face a lot of challenges with the exception of putting together a wedding quickly and the fact that my family was not impressed with my decision to get married. In hindsight, I would have made more of an effort for them to get to know Steve.  They only met him once before we got engaged.

S: The reactions of my family and Lauretta’s family were completely different.  My family loved Lauretta from the first time they met her and they always said, “She’s the best one you’ve brought home so far.  When are you going to marry her?”

The reaction from Lauretta’s family was not one of complete joy, to say the least.  But, they are awfully happy with the way that things have turned out.

Marriage changes you forever. How have both of you changed over the years?

S: I have become a lot more sensitive to Lauretta’s needs.  I always thought of myself as a “macho” guy.  I remember thinking that I wanted our first child to be a boy, but the moment that I saw my daughter, I realized that I got both what I wanted and needed.

L:  I have changed a lot, I think mostly for the better.  I am much more confident, less emotional (thank you menopause).  I’ve come to realize that dramatic changes can occur at any time so it’s best to just work with whatever situations you’re currently dealing with and not stress about what’s around the corner.

Marriage has its ups and downs. However, we have to make it through. Help me understand that in your situation?

S:  Our first two pregnancies were not successful which took an emotional toll.  Fortunately, we had a lot of emotional and physical support from both our families as several members had experienced similar situations.  Also, there have been unexpected changes in employment.  But through it all, we have remained both faithful to and supportive of each other.

L:  I think we have an image of what we expect our marriages, lives, and children to be, and when the reality is different from that expectation it can be jarring. In addition to miscarriages we’ve dealt with the loss of employment, we’ve both lost our fathers and although our children are amazing people, their struggles have definitely impacted our marriage. But as we’ve gone through scary and difficult experiences and come out the other side still intact, we’ve realized that we are stronger than we thought. We can remind ourselves of that fact when we face the inevitable next challenge.

Give the younger generation some tips on how to be a good husband/wife and mother/father?

L:  I’d say that when you know a person so intimately you have the power to build them up or destroy them with even with a few words.  Try to find ways to always recognize and comment on the things that impress you about your partner.  Anyone who knows Steve knows that he always brags about me.  I tease him that I can never meet these people because there is no way that in real life, I can ever live up the picture he has painted of me. It’s also very important in those moments of anger to be aware of that power you hold and protect your partner. Steve knows that when I’m really angry I will go for very extensive walks.  I won’t risk saying things that I can’t take back.  I also would say that you don’t have to talk through every single argument.  Sometimes it’s OK just to drop it.  No harm, no foul.

S:  Yes, I have to agree with “The Babe”.  I was fortunate in that I had a great role model in my dad.  My dad ALWAYS treated my mom like gold.  He never insulted her or put her down.  He was always encouraging to her in everything thing that she did.  He, along with the rest of us, reaped the benefits of this.  In summary, always encourage and look for ways to build up your partner, kids, or whoever else you are with.  You will reap the benefits.

Romance needs to be kept alive in a marriage…..explain (this is a family blog)?

L:  I’m not really that romantic and I find the typical clichés of romantic gestures annoying.  For me, I don’t need grand displays.  I need the little day-to-day assurances that he cares. Last week I locked my keys in the car and when I called him, he laughed and showed up in the parking lot with a big smile on his face.  This is way better than flowers.  I just really enjoy spending time with him.  Right now, Steve is working on a contract out of town during the week.  When he comes home on Friday night we just sit with some wine and the TV and enjoy each other’s company. I look forward to that.

S:  “The Babe” and I think the same way about this.  To me, it is the little “day-to-day” things that we do.  It is the daily encouragement and the ability to laugh both with and at each other.  Nothing brings me more joy than to hear her happy voice and see her smiling face on a daily basis.

I am sure you never argue, never fight, and just have this amazing perfect marriage?

S:  So true.  Next question, please.

L:  I completely agree. Since Steve knows I’m always right there is nothing to argue about.

S:  Whoa!!  What planet do you live on?

L:  The planet where I am a scientist.  I always base my decisions on fact, leaving little room for error.

S:  Ahh, so you admit that you make errors, mistakes, blunders, miscalculations!  Are you saying that at times, you are inaccurate?  Is this what you are admitting to?

L:  I admit nothing and am going for a long walk now.

S:  Ooops.  (Laughing).

Anything you want to say to your younger selves?

S:  I would remind myself of my 2^nd favorite song of all time, “Always Look on The Bright Side of Life”.  There is a line the goes:

If life seems jolly rotten

There’s something you have forgotten,

And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing

I would tell myself that no matter how bad things are, you will probably look back later and laugh as time passes.

L:  I would say “Lighten up, girl.”  You will mess up and fail a lot.  These are not dead ends, just inevitable inconveniences of being human.  Relax a little, enjoy the successes and brush off the failures.

Who is the more romantic, humbler, more gentle, kind, and passionate?

S: (Laughing) Hands down for all of the above, I win them all.  Again, we are both laughing together about this one.

L: Great.  Now I have to say something so that I don’t sound like a jerk.  Steve absolutely is more romantic, humble, gentle and passionate.  I just bring different things to the table.  I am driven, practical, offer creative solutions and take care of the mundane labour essential for daily life.  I definitely am lacking in the more glamourous attributes but I get the job done.

What are some good restaurants in Newmarket?

The Keg for the best steak and The Crow’s Nest for the best nachos in town.  We go to The Keg every year for our anniversary and to The Crow’s Nest every Canada Day.  These have both become traditions for us.

Tell me something funny that has happened in your marriage?

L:  For someone who is not romantic I tend to watch a lot of romcoms.  One day I was thinking about the repetitive use of the word “soul mate.”  I remember thinking to myself that Steve is not my soul mate and I wouldn’t want one anyway.  Sounds very clingy and needy.  It occurred to me, however, that Steve might consider me his soul mate.  So one night I decided to table the question.  “Do you think I’m your soul mate?”  He paused briefly, looked me in the eyes, and said, “No.”  I let out a huge sigh of relief.  He felt exactly the same way as I did.  Now it’s a running joke between us.  “Oh, is it OK if I leave?  Can you bear to be left alone without your soulmate for 2 hours?”  To which the other will reply “EW.”

S:  LOL, Whenever I think of someone being a “Soul Mate”, it creeps me out.

“The Babe” and I laugh a lot in our marriage.