Renee: Positive Outlook on Life

I have known Renee for a quarter-century. In 2017, while on a business trip to LA, Renee drove more than 2 hrs to have dinner with me. As we had a meal at Newport Beach, we just talked about everything we had been through in life. I caught up with her recently and she gets honest, real, and vulnerable.

Renee, good to catch up again. Please tell my audience something important about you?

Something ‘important’ about me? I guess it’s that even though I’ve experienced a lot of hardships: divorce after 25 years, having a daughter with some emotional needs, losing over a dozen friends to cancer in 25 years, being disappointed, and feeling betrayed by people you thought were friends, not finding love again (so far;) finances being very tight,  I still have a positive outlook on life and I’m still able to be joyful amidst less than great circumstances.

I have a 15-year-old daughter. You have raised four beauties. How has that experience been? What have been the challenges and what have you learned from motherhood?

In terms of raising four daughters: I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy! In fact, I joke that they’ve given me every grey hair on my head. They’re all wonderful women now, but I’m not going to lie, the teen years were hard. There was a lot of rebellion, especially around the time of our separation and divorce. We had times when they’d stay out all night and we wouldn’t know where they were! I’d be driving around at all hours of the night, while my ex slept unaware! But God is faithful, the two eldest have become disciples and I know the younger two are on their path.

I think the biggest lesson I learned is that, even though I tried hard to control everything, God is in control. I spent so much time worrying when I could have just prayed more and relied on God. So, my lesson would be: develop your faith, develop your prayer life, rely on God because he loves them more than you do anyway.

Motherhood is the hardest job you’ll ever have, but it’s also the most rewarding job.

Marriage has its challenges. What did you learn from your own and the aftermath of that process?

Marriage does have its challenges and in spite of my divorce, I love being married and desire it still. What I learned from the aftermath is that I think most women go into marriage thinking they can change their husband (and most husbands go in thinking their wives will never change:). But you can’t change anyone but yourself. It takes two people to have a marriage. I thought I could love enough for both of us, but it doesn’t work that way. I also realized I knew who my ex was when I married him and thought/hoped I could change him. I also feel it was a co-dependent relationship and I allowed the dysfunction to continue too long. If I ever remarry, I will make sure it’s a healthy relationship and know that we are independent individuals who are responsible for ourselves.

I know you were a model. How was that experience?

Ha! Well, I never thought I was model material, but my girlfriend convinced me to enter the Miss Michigan pageant with her and of course, I was terribly insecure. At that time (the late 70’s) it seemed all they wanted were blondes and I was very ethnic looking. But entering helped me in some ways and then I went on to do the auto shows and after I was married, I even did some print work. I found most of the models to be kind of shallow women obsessed with their looks and I always connected on a deeper, more intellectual level, so I didn’t feel comfortable in that environment anymore. I felt I wanted to try my hand at acting (because I was so dramatic:) but again, fell upon discrimination for my ethnicity. It was very different then than it is now. Now, they celebrate all ethnicities and even mixed races. But I feel God might have saved me from a worse fate, by not giving me success in that endeavor.

Give yourself some advice at 16, 26, 36 and 46?

The advice I’d give myself @16: “Don’t marry that guy”!

@26: “Enjoy this time and cherish the memories”.

@36: and a mom of three: “Don’t sweat the small stuff! The little things will take care of themselves”.

@46: this was when we separated after 23 years of marriage (it took two years to divorce), “You will survive! Just breath and believe”!

What does women empowerment mean to you?

Women empowerment to me means that a woman is able to do anything and everything she sets her heart and mind to. God created “both male and female in His image” and that we are equal in the eyes of the Lord. I believe, especially as a mother to four daughters, and as a divorced woman, that we need to empower ourselves to be independent and not have to depend on anyone for our survival.

How has faith helped you in life?

My faith has been the single one thing that has held me together in the last 25 years! Without it, I don’t think I’d be here! You hear about people committing suicide or overdosing or any other number of harmful methods trying to deal with pain, but God was the one that brought me through the storm. I know where the term “heartbreak” comes from because, at one point, it actually felt like my heart would break in two. It was a physical manifestation of the emotional pain I was feeling.

Your faith commands you to forgive. Has that been a difficult process for you?

Faith does command me to forgive but that’s challenging at times. I had a hard time forgiving my ex in the beginning because he had done this many times before and I felt if I forgave him again, I’d have to take him back and my heart just physically could not deal with that. Then I learned that forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation! That freed me so much because I was able to forgive him, knowing that God would deal with him and I could remove myself from a harmful situation.

How do food, faith, finance, and family play a role in your life?

As mentioned, without faith, you have nothing. And of course, my family means everything to me aside from God. I’m a foodie and therefore maybe spend more on it than I should in which case, maybe I should put finances before food ;).