Do you feel you have to be perfect? Perfect on the job,  perfect with friends, perfect with family, and perfect in general.  Are you on the treadmill of life, trying to be perfect? If you are in performance mode, then you need to stop trying to be perfect. You need to get off the treadmill. Take some time off. Smell the roses. Go for a vacation. Take a walk. Breathe deeply. Meditate, pray, or change your routine. You are hurting yourself by chasing perfection, having unrealistic expectations, and being in performance mode.

You need to love yourself more. You need to accept yourself. You also need to forgive and practice gratitude. Let go of trying to be perfect.

Forget social media, forget comparing yourself to someone else, and forget living in someone else’s shadow. Be real, vulnerable, and lead an authentic life. A life that is aligned with your goals and values. Perfection, unrealistic expectations, not dealing with issues, and not taking responsibility are all toxins destroying your life.

I respect Selena. She has figured out a lot of stuff at an early age. She blogs about women’s empowerment but also lives it daily. We talk about women’s empowerment, careers, and of course, dating.

Hi Selena, welcome, and tell me something about you?

Hi, thanks for having me! I am a 24-year-old marketing manager at a small marketing firm currently, but my goal is to make empowering women my full-time career, whether that is through life coaching or through my motivational blog that I started a little over a year ago. Writing is my passion, along with helping women realize their full potential and I seek to do that not only in my professional endeavors but in my personal relationships as well.

Talk to me about your job in marketing? What do you like about marketing?

My company markets mainly for technology staffing firms. In my role, I write industry-related blogs, both for clients and for us, I curate and design their social media content, and also write and design their websites. I love the creative aspect of marketing, and it is a field in which things are always changing, so it never gets boring! There is always so much to learn. Marketing also has allowed me to expand my writing abilities as I have had to learn to adapt to writing for various brands and therefore various tones, industries, and topics.

Help me understand how dating has changed for you in the 21st century? I like the fact that you talk about taking responsibility for it?

I think the inception of social media played a significant role in shifting how people date today. We are constantly flooded with options on various dating apps, and consume massive amounts of content on social media sites daily. Instant gratification has become the expectation, and men especially use these dating apps to their advantage as they rack up their roster so they always have someone on standby.

However, on the other hand, we as women tend to enable this behavior because it seems that this is how the majority of men behave (even if this isn’t necessarily the case), so we’ve gotten used to getting ghosted, getting played, etc. We, as women, need to take control of the narrative and not stand for behavior that doesn’t align with our values and how we want to be treated. This also isn’t to say that all men are bad and all women are good, but in my experience, women tend to be more vocal about their distaste for dating these days.

I get so caught up in planning that I forget to be in the present. As I focus on being in the present moment my life has changed…pls. comment?

I think many of us are always looking ahead to what’s coming next that it is very rare we stop and look around at what we have in the present moment. I think this takes practice to slow yourself down and be appreciative of how far you’ve come up to this point and realize that if you don’t enjoy the present, you’ll miss your whole life. I’m still working on this myself, but it is not surprising to me that your life has changed after being able to do this. As humans, I think we are always striving for more – with parental, societal, professional, and peer pressures, we feel as though we always have to be on the go, working our butts off to get to the next milestone in our lives. But, as I said, we’ll miss out if we’re always focusing on what’s coming next.

I have been mentoring people since grade 8 when I became a prefect. Over the years I have been a big brother and mentored many men in the corporate world. I talk to them about getting to know themselves and where their identity comes from and being authentic. Walk me through your own process?

That’s amazing! It takes a special kind of person to want to help others, so I applaud you for choosing to mentor. I personally have never technically mentored anyone, but I really want to get into that space. I am the friend that many of my friends come to for advice or just to vent, and there is nothing more rewarding for me than to help them through their struggles, and remind them how loved they are. I try to do the same in my blog and offer advice on various topics from how to stop being a people pleaser to how to get over the guy you never technically dated. I think it’s important for people to know that they aren’t alone in their struggles and that there are resources that are available to help them heal from past traumas, and figure out who they are and who they want to become. I try to offer a safe space to do that for anyone who needs an ear to listen.

Help me understand what women empowerment means to you?

Women empowerment means helping women realize and unlock their full potential. It means saying, screw what society wants us to be, what do we want to be? It means spreading positivity, lifting each other up, and fighting for our rights. It means cultivating meaningful communities and helping each other live our most authentic, unapologetic lives.

On a personal note, one of the areas I have grown the most is being aware of my own mental health but also those around me. I have been in sales all my life and outgoing so I can overlook that. Why is mental health so important to the present generation?

Luckily for Gen-Z, I believe mental health is being discussed so much more, and the stigmas that were placed on going to therapy or seeking help are ending. This generation is so much more emotionally aware, and especially with social media, mental health is more important than ever. Kids are on these social media sites and are fed content of celebrities and peer’s lives that isn’t an accurate portrayal of real life. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be a kid in this day in age.

I think it is so important for parents, teachers, and even peers to talk about mental health and encourage open and honest conversations. Ask how your friends are doing! Encourage therapy! We all need to look out for one another.

Women are outperforming men all across universities in North America. I have worked in some of the best restaurants and so often on Thursdays and Fridays saw only women coming. They always say the same thing, young men are living in their parents’ basement playing video games and do not know how to go on a date or carry on a conversation. Is that true? What can be done about it?

I can only speak from my personal experience as well as what I’ve heard from my friends, and although there are many complaints that can be made about men, I have not experienced this. I have gone on many dates and although they may not be the right match for me, I’ve had a nice time 90% of the time and have always been able to have good conversations with them.

The ones I have dated have also all had jobs, but there are certainly men out there who do just stay living at home and maybe lack the drive needed to begin or advance their careers. I think the key here is just to remember that this is not all men, and we just need to keep looking for the ones who best fit our lifestyle and what we’re looking for – because hey, maybe some women like a guy who lives at home and plays video games!

I want to know something special about the city you live in? What is the food scene and why should we visit?

I live in Boston, MA – known for our sports teams for sure! As a foodie myself, there are some great spots in Boston. Depending on your taste, the North End is a must for Italian food. Especially the famous Mike’s Pastry for dessert! Boston is filled with a range of cuisine, so it’s sure to please any pallet.

Do you feel the pressure to always be perfect? Are the media and magazines putting that pressure on you?

I think as women, we always feel pressure to be perfect to some degree. It’s difficult to not compare yourself to the models on Instagram (even though they’re most likely photoshopped anyway), celebrities, or even just our peers. It has become ingrained in us that we need to look “pretty” to society’s standards, or we are somehow “less than”. But, I believe that as a society we are working to combat this narrative and encourage body diversity.

Besides physically, I think we as women feel the pressure to have everything together all the time. Our job, social life, family time, sleep, exercise schedule, nutrition, etc. have to all be on point 24/7. It’s exhausting! I think we need to take the pressure off ourselves and just start doing what makes us feel good and what works for us. Easier said than done, but hopefully, a goal that can be reached at some point.

I want to know how writing has helped you? I find it cathartic.

Writing has always been my form of therapy. Ever since I was little I would write fictional stories and poetry, and as I got older it turned into my travel blog when I studied abroad, and now my women’s empowerment blog. It has allowed me to express myself in a way that I haven’t been able to otherwise. It has also allowed me to form new connections and help people with topics that no one really wants to talk about. Writing will always be my number one passion, and I don’t see a day where I will ever stop, as it is what makes me who I am.

The post Selena Frongillo: The Pressure To Be Perfect appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Amina Mohamed is a game-changer. Four Columns is always on the lookout for game-changers who are empowering women. Amina Mohamed is the embodiment of a game-changer. She is passionate about making a difference in the lives of young girls in Uganda. She has taken the tenets of her faith and put them to practical use. She walks the walk. Amina shares a lot of wisdom in this interview. She is real and vulnerable about her own life. I admire her willingness and persistence to make a difference in this world through her charity and volunteer work at Triple F Photo Tours.

A game-changer is a newly introduced element or factor that changes an existing situation in a significant way. It is the Eureka moment when you see something others do not. We experience something significant and rousing, and we want to do something. It is metamorphic alchemy that makes a difference in the lives of people.

A game-changer is relentless, committed, and persistent in a cause. They are original, who see the status quo and bring an out-of-the-box mindset. They break free from traditional thinking, test the patterns of thinking like lemmings, and promote diversity of thought.

A game-changer is introspective, self-aware, and cognizant of the needs and emotions around them. The game-changer knows that what they are doing is bigger than themselves. They get intrinsic satisfaction from making a difference in the lives of other people.

Hi Amina, I love that your name means peace. Tell me something important about you.

I am passionate about helping others.  When I am not working on my work in Uganda, I volunteer in my community with Rotary International or I do community work by supporting the homeless. I strongly believe that if we all do our part to help others, we can all make this a more beautiful world.

Talk to me about your catchy slogan ‘where fun, f(ph)otography & f(ph)ilanthrophy meet?

I wanted a slogan that fit both Triple F Photo Tours (taking enthusiast and amateur photographers on a tour of Uganda and helping them improve their photography while on an excursion, hence the Fun and the F(ph)otography) and the work I do with Cameras For Girls (our F(ph)ilanthropic outreach).

Walk me through your journey and how you came to reconcile your identity?

Reconciling that identity has always been a struggle.  I was born in Merton, UK, moved to Uganda when I was nine months old, and lived in Uganda until I was three when we were forced to leave our home country by Idi Amin.  I grew up with a mixture of Indian and African roots and the feeling that I did not fit in anywhere.  Canada has been home for the last almost 50 years (next November will the 50-year anniversary when we came to Canada) and I am still torn between my Canadian identity and my African roots.  To further explore this, my husband is Danish and my Canadian-born adopted daughter is half-Polish and half-Sudanese.  We refer to ourselves as the United Nations.

I admire that you want to make a difference in the lives of girls and leave a legacy. Help me understand how you came to that point in your life?

I had an amazing career working in film and television and after 15 amazing years working on many films, tv series, documentaries, and short films, I left to do something else.  We were newly married (I married late) and considering adopting and working in this industry is not conducive to a happy marriage, thus I quit.  From there I went on to work in the real estate industry, first as a home stager and then later as an award-winning mortgage broker.  However, the call of the camera and creativity started calling my name and in August 2017, frustrated with my career I came up with the idea to make a difference for young girls and women in Uganda.

On my first trip home to Uganda in 2007, I was there to self-direct and produce a documentary about the return of the Asians that started coming back as then and current President Museveni realized that if Uganda was going to make any type of economic recovery, he would have to welcome home the Indians.  When I got there, the sheer poverty hit me hard and the realization that many girls and women in developing countries are not given the same rights and freedoms I had been given, growing up in Canada.  I wanted to make a difference but at that time I did not know-how.  Fast forward to August 2017 and I came up with this idea and a year later after making a business plan, I was in Uganda conducting my first photography training with 15 young girls and women between the ages of 18-29.  These girls come with a background in journalism.  Unlike North America or Europe, a job in journalism in Uganda does not guarantee a payment or a full-time job, unless you own a camera and know how to use it.  By marrying our program with girls and women who are either in their last year of a University Journalism program, or girls who have graduated and looking for work, or girls who have been hired but not getting paid, simply because they lack the skills, we are able to help them get full-time jobs in a very male-dominated society.  To date, I have taught 32 girls and 11 now have full-time jobs.

What does it mean to be raised with a deep sense of community, culture, and humanity?

It’s important to me because living in Canada in a cultural melting pot and having my own melting pot of a background, I am able to see others and respect others for their traditions, way of dress, language, and practices.  I believe that at the end of the day, regardless of our cultural backgrounds we are all the same and that if we were to all think that way, humanity would be much happier and more peaceful.

The Ismaili diaspora is very successful. There are solidarity and brotherhood among them. In your opinion what leads to that success?

My own grandfather emigrated to Uganda from India when he was 14 years old, as he saw opportunities that were not available to him in India.  Many Indians were brought to Uganda to build the railroad and after completing this, they stayed and raised their families.  My grandfather worked hard and earned enough to bring his mother, his brothers, and their families to Uganda.  Both my paternal and maternal grandfathers were very wealthy and successful in Uganda.  My parents were first-generation born and my sister was 2^nd generation. I myself was born in the UK.  Knowing how hard it was for our grandfathers, who led and paved the way, made Ismaili’s in particular recognize the sacrifices that were made to make a better life in Uganda, and thus hard-work came with that.

Interesting fact – Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau and The Aga Khan were very good friends and thus when we were exiled from Uganda, it was due to this friendship that there exists many Ismaili’s in Canada.  Other countries that took us in were Austria, Germany, and Uganda.

Define women empowerment and your role in empowering young girls?

We give the girls a camera to keep, teach her how to use it to tell stories that matter to them.  We also assist them to apply for jobs by helping them with resumes, cover letters, and LinkedIn profiles.  By providing the tools, we empower our girls to compete for jobs, otherwise not afforded to them, simply due to gender or inequality that exists in many developing countries.  Our girls go out in the world equipped with the tools to succeed.  The camera stands as the same as teaching a person to fish.

The word is mightier than the sword. One photograph can change the world. Please comment?

100% agree.  Think about the photo that Steve Curry took of the Afghan girl or Nilüfer Demir’s photo of Alan Kurdi, the drowned Syrian boy.  Images can sear your memory and make concrete changes in the world.  Images can convey a thousand words as they say due to the power they have to make concrete and long-lasting changes.

Help me understand your faith, culture, food, and special festivals?

I grew up in a strict Muslim household and would attend prayers every Friday as well as all religious festivities, however, as I got older I became more independent and no longer follow my faith.  I am still Ismaili by birth but not in practice.  I do however enjoy celebrating Eid and cultural festivals through my husband’s background and those of my friends, who come from different faiths.  I believe again that we are all one and in some respects, religion can divide instead of bringing us together.

The post Amina Mohamed: Making a Difference appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Faith, Hope & Love sustained me through 2020. Well! Hindsight is always 20|20.

I can relate to Saint Augustine when he said “Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe”. As I saw my wife’s body ravaged by cancer and the brutal impact of chemo, I was clinging to my faith. As she lay in bed for days after each treatment, I kept rubbing her back, maintained human touch, and hung on to what Martin Luther King, Jr. said: “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope”. As the community cooked for us, served us, drove Debbie to her appointments, and helped us financially, I was reminded of “Give your hands to serve, and your hearts to love” by Mother Teresa.

That sums up my 2020. How was your 2020? Lost a job, a loved one, your home, marriage, spouse, child, pet, or the equity in your condo. Do not give up hope. Have faith and love unconditionally. Faith is the greatest asset we have. Hope ends when you stop believing. Love ends when you stop caring.

The mission of Four Columns is to focus on food, faith, finance, and family empowering and inspiring women to live a balanced life in the 21st century. The vision is to make a difference in the lives of one million women in a decade. The theme for 2021 at Fourcolumns will be  Hope.

Read this interview, take just one point and apply it to your life. I want to apply love in action.

A final salvo. If you are a male reader who is in a leadership position in the religious landscape then the time has come to invite women to the table. Give them a voice. Listen to understand not to speak. Women are breaking the glass ceiling in every industry. Women are outperforming men in universities across North America. Create a ripple and make a difference. Leave a legacy for the next generation of women.

Gillianne, welcome to Four Columns. I want my audience to know something important about you?

I don’t know anything necessarily important about me, but I’d say that I’m a simple person who prefers being in the background while supporting others. I love teamwork and achieving things together. I’m known as ‘Mama G’ to the kids in our orphanage in Haiti that we started about 4 years ago, as well as to those in the surrounding community there. I love music and singing – it helps bring me closer to God. I’m also a sucker for ol’ sappy love songs. I appreciate the calm around me, but yet still love having fun.

You have been in the ministry for a quarter of a century. Was it always your dream or goal? What drew you to it?

No, it wasn’t always my goal (I’m actually a ‘numbers’ gal at heart – accounting). I was asked to be an intern in the ministry, by the couple who was leading the church at the time. I loved God and I loved people – so it seemed like a great opportunity to combine the two. Though there have been hard times during the years, I’ve never looked back or pursued anything else, and I don’t regret my initial choice. I love being able to help and to see God’s Word change people’s life. It’s inspiring and faith-building for me too.

Burnout is high in the ministry. Talk to me about some of the boundaries you have used and how you take time for self-care?

Great question – it’s so true! I believe we were taught back in the day, that much of the responsibility of others’ spiritual life, rested on our (ministry leaders’) shoulders. I understand the Bible says that we need to carry each other’s burdens, but, personally, I think we (me included) relied more on ourselves than on God. Now, I try to just love people to Jesus, rather than trying to ‘fix them myself.’ Now, I don’t feel guilty if I need to say ‘no’ to something or someone. I take time for me to get recharged – doing things I enjoy (movies, singing, discovering new dishes to cook…), getting massages, reading spiritual books – while still trying to work hard for God and others. I know exercise is good too but I can be lazy.

How has marriage changed your life? Were there any surprises?

I’m so grateful that God gave me a passionate and visionary man who would sometimes help take me out of my comfort zone and live life to the full for God (even while digging my heels in the ground at times!). One of our favorite books is “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. Its preface is, ‘What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy.’ This was a shock to me because before I became a Christian (and even a bit deep down in my heart after I became a Christian), I always thought my husband was supposed to make me happy. Through our 21 years of marriage, God’s given me opportunities to be more like Jesus (holier), as I face disagreements, disappointments, and challenges in our marriage at times (ex. me needing to be more patient, selfless, kind, respectful, not nagging).

Talk to a 16, 25, and 30-year-old female as to what are some of the core qualities they need to see in a guy for a long, sustainable, and successful marriage?

I believe there are many qualities, but to me, these two are very important – someone who is: (1) a TRUE DISCIPLE OF JESUS who will help you to get to heaven. Someone can be the nicest, cutest, smartest, richest, or generous man; but if he doesn’t love God and doesn’t strive to follow God with his whole heart, then it’s not worth choosing to be with him here on earth, more than choosing to be with Jesus in heaven for eternity (2) a HUMBLE man: who’s willing to see the things he needs to change, not thinking that he knows everything, seeks and takes advice. There are other things but I believe if you’ve got these two, many other things will fall into place.

You are raising two teenagers. I am sure motherhood has changed you. Walk me through that process. Give my audience some practical tips on raising teenagers?

I can honestly say that I not only love my kids, but I LIKE them. One of the things that has helped me to persevere through hard times with them, is to focus on their strengths and talents, rather than on their weaknesses, shortcomings, and things that make me want to scream, which unfortunately seem to be so much easier to see. I try to LISTEN to them, ASK THEM their opinions and what they think about things, TAKE TIME to have dates with them individually (including sometimes doing things that they like to do, even if I don’t), BE VULNERABLE and open with them about my own challenges (with discernment), TREAT THEM LIKE ADULTS (influence them rather than tell them what to do), and HAVE FUN/laugh with them. Remember, this is what I STRIVE to do – I don’t do it perfectly. Just ask them – they’ll tell ya’. LOL

2020 was a tough year, is an understatement. I want you to give my audience hope?

There are so many, but these three scriptures often help me in hard times and give me hope:

Philippians 4:11-13:

¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Romans 15:13:

¹³ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Habakkuk 3:17-19:

It’s a good thing that our happiness/joy does NOT depend on our circumstances, or we could be victims of our situations and have no hope. I’ve gotten this far in my life with God (I was baptized on January 13, 1991) because GRATITUDE & TRUSTING GOD have motivated me; that has given me HOPE! God is so amazing – no matter where we’re at or what we’ve done… it’s never too late to embrace God’s love, and to me, that’s great and HOPEFUL news!!!

In 2021, we all will need to practice empathy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness. Help me understand this from a practical purpose, how we can utilize these universal qualities in our neighborhoods?

To me, as Christians, we are not much different from our neighbors except that we are ‘saved’ neighbors. We’re humans too – we also get our feelings hurt, are tired, disappointed, struggle with illness, we have our issues… the list goes on. As Christians, I feel fortunate that we have spiritual friends who lead us to Jesus and to a God who is capable to do so much, especially in those times when we’re hurting, tired, disappointed, ill, and dealing with our issues. We can do the same for others and let them see Jesus in our lives; ex. cutting your neighbors’ lawn, making a meal if you see them in need, apologize if you did something wrong to them, dropping off a gift just to encourage them, listening to them if you see they’re hurting, sharing your struggles and how God/the church helps you, etc. Love in action!

Talk to me about what women empowerment means to you?

It’s interesting because we – as our global fellowship – have been studying the biblical roles of women. It’s been wonderful to see what we’ve been learning. God created women to be an ‘Ezer’ (helper), as even referred to as God is an ‘Ezer’ himself. That says a lot! We are strong (enough to carry babies), nurturers, wise, leaders, intelligent… there are so many things that women can provide, young and old. I believe we are seeing that women can do so much more than they’ve been given the opportunity to do – both inside and outside of the church. I look forward to seeing how women will continue, and even soar higher as they are empowered, especially the next generation! The world needs women! “Behind every great man, is a great woman…” actually, not behind him, but should be besides him! 

As a female empowerment blogger, I am aware of a lot of men who advanced causes for women. I am blown away by Jesus. Here is a Rabbi who goes out of his way to empower and love women unconditionally. What can we learn from him on how we can treat women in our lives and in society?

I love Jesus! I know it may sound funny but I think he’s the coolest Dude! I appreciate that he saw people through different eyes than most others (their heart and not their outer appearance or social/cultural status), and he treated people differently than others do (with respect and not caring what others think). I’m grateful for examples like his tough love and vision with the Samaritan woman, his grace with the woman caught in adultery, blessing the faith of the woman who bled for 12 years, and women being the first ones he showed himself to after his resurrection, to name a few. It can be so powerful if we follow his humble and loving example.

I know you are a foodie. So, some rapid-fire questions…

Steak: Medium or well done. Medium rare

Steak: Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot. Merlot

French fries or poutine. Poutine, bien sûr!

Fav vegetable and why. Sweet potatoes because I have a sweet tooth – I love them roasted with onions and garlic. Yummy! 

Bacon with maple syrup or plain. Totally with maple syrup (that’s the French part in me from my Quebecois hubby)

Fav ice cream. That’s not a fair question – it’s such a hard choice… Ummm  homemade coconut ice cream with chunks of fresh coconut, from the Caribbean

The idea of a romantic date. On a Caribbean island, a delicious meal (dessert included, of course!) by candlelight at a restaurant by the sea, and a walk on the beach afterward

Fav meal of the day and why. Dinner because I don’t usually have an appetite for breakfast (though I know it’s the most important meal of the day), and I like to snack during the day

I take 2 hrs of my time and visit your church. I am going to be like Jesus and ask you for lunch. What is hospitality, why is it important and what will you make me?

My husband and I love to be hospitable and to spoil people with meals. It helps that we love to eat and that we appreciate good food. We believe God has given us a bit of talent to put some tasty things on a plate too. We like people to feel special when they come to our home. Therefore, I’d first check if you have any food restrictions. I know it’s lunch and therefore could be a light meal, but because you don’t come often, it’ll be a bit more for our foodie friend… We’d start with a tossed green salad with a homemade dressing. Then it would be followed by a plate of thin slices of a beef roast with a creamy, decadent mushroom and onion sauce (my husband does such an amazing job with this one), a few brochettes of shrimp (put together in an artistic way by my daughter), that would be leaning on a bed of tasty, light, mashed sweet potato/white potato mix. If you still have space, this would all be followed by a homemade berry trifle and coffee/tea. I’m hungry now!! We’d end our time together with our son leading us in some songs while playing his guitar. Voilà!

The post Faith, Hope & Love in Action appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

No matter how you define success, your mindset is an important factor in achieving it.  Your mindset will determine whether you are successful or not.

A robust and positive mindset is fundamental to establishing flourishing self-esteem. It is a framework that influences our beliefs, feelings, and attitudes. We need to become the sentinel of our minds and make sure we stay positive, inspired, and empowered.

Always remain optimistic no matter what. If you have a positive attitude, you can process information through a clearer lens, have a winning attitude, and achieve success in the long run.

A robust mindset gives you the drive to confront the status quo and go beyond the comfort zone. It allows you not to become a victim, not complain but thrive and improve.

I admire people who overcome adversity, develop a thick skin, and deal with issues head-on. Adversities in our lives challenge us and make us stronger. It is resilience that makes us go through the dark tunnels.

Niloo represents someone who does not takes no for an answer. She deals with challenges in life and comes up with ways on how to overcome them. I am inspired by her attitude to life. Niloo gives us some insight into her approach.

Niloo, I want to know what Getfitscience all about?

Getfitscience is a blog on promoting a science-based approach to fitness and nutrition. I embarked on my health journey a few years back after being diagnosed with scoliosis. It is a condition due to a sideways curvature of the spine.

I resolved to find the best way to train and improve my body to live a life without lower back pain. I started consuming as much information on training, nutrition, and mindset that I possibly could. While I managed to find a wealth of knowledge, I noticed that I had to sift through a sea of opinions and half-truths on these topics.

While it was frustrating that so many “bro-science” sources were purporting the benefits of the latest diet fad or way of training to make a buck, I saw a need to focus on science. I wanted to use my Bachelor of Science degree in biochemistry to share an evidence-based approach and encourage others to think critically.

I spend hours reading peer-reviewed research and translate it into an easily digestible format to give readers access to the latest studies and how they can help you optimize their training and nutrition. Since food is a critical component of living a healthy lifestyle, I decided it was necessary to dedicate a section of the blog to nutritious recipes.

What is scoliosis? How did you find the resolve to find the best way to train and live without pain?

Scoliosis is a sideways curvature of the spine. Many times, doctors are unable to determine the root cause of the condition. There are varying degrees of severity, and the disorder can worsen in some cases. In my case, I used to feel chronic back pain and had mobility issues and severe muscular imbalances. I found that strength training with an emphasis on training the back muscles and core helped diminish the imbalances I was feeling and overall pain. I also incorporated a combination of yoga and pilates to help with mobility and strengthening of weak stabilizer muscles.

I want to understand the process of rejecting a victim mindset based on your circumstances?

Often, our mindset concerning training and nutrition is ignored. The average person looks at steps they need to take to see a physical change, like altering food choices and exercise. But your thoughts are paramount in determining what you will achieve in life. Without the right mindset, none of those action steps will stick.

I knew that I’d never be able to cure my condition without potentially undergoing surgery; this was not an option I wanted to consider. Instead, I reframed the situation and changed my perspective. I focused on how I wanted to feel and live the rest of my life, which was ultimately my “why,” rather than feeling down or ashamed that my scoliosis could show in my physique. Once I found my “why,” I no longer wallowed in this diagnosis and knew that if I do my part, I’ll potentially live a healthy life pain-free through training and eating well.

How are training and nutrition different from a decade and two decades ago?

I think we have more knowledge due to increased studies on methods of training and nutrition. This information has resulted in us placing more emphasis and value on the importance of exercise and eating well. Historically, strength training, for instance, was limited to a particular group of individuals, i.e. bodybuilders like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nowadays, I see 60-year-old women at the gym, picking up dumbells and training. It’s a positive step in the right direction.

On our health journey, what are the potential and possibilities?

I think many times we place limitations, whether conscious or sub-conscious, on ourselves through what is possible. These limitations often stem from our beliefs.

Most people don’t push themselves past their comfort zones enough and create excuses on why they are where they are. That’s why mindset and determining your reason for your health goals is so important. If you can solidify those reasons and make them your foundation for the decisions you make in your health journey, the possibilities are vast.

Help me understand some myths about fasting?

Fasting is one of the most misunderstood topics in today’s “diet culture” society. There are beneficial aspects to fasting for treating various ailments, and I know it has its purpose in varying religions and spiritual circles. But what bugs me is when people think fasting is a magical formula to losing weight. Instead, what happens is that many will make poor eating choices because they feel deprived in their fasting window and miss out on essential nutrients when they are eating. Another common myth is what they consume during the fasting window that breaks their fast unbeknownst to them.

Are diets fads, or are they here to stay?

I don’t think that diets will ever disappear. Most people will admit that they want to look their best and, unfortunately, many are looking for the next best diet or fad that will help them reach their goals as quickly as possible. It’s often due to a lack of knowledge because perhaps they’ve neglected their body for so long that they are not sure the best course of action to take, and they’ll resort to quick-fix diets. I always say that the best type of “diet” is one that makes you feel your best from the inside out and one that you can stick to.

Should all our meals be about protein?

Protein is an essential nutrient for optimal health. Proteins are building blocks of muscles, tendons, ligaments, hair, hormones, antibodies, organs, and neurotransmitters in your body. The role of protein is even more critical as we age.

It can help regulate hunger levels and reduce insulin spikes that can lead to insulin-sensitivity or being overweight or obese from a satiety standpoint. I think it’s good practice to incorporate an adequate amount of protein in each meal alongside a healthy fat and carb source. It’s all about balance.

What does women empowerment mean to you?

We need to continue working in our society to equalize men and women. Women have been under-valued throughout history and given less or no chance, in some cases, to make valuable contributions in their respective fields. I don’t think that it’s something that needs to happen where only women support other women. Instead, both men and women need to provide support so that women have a seat at the table and make important decisions alongside men.

How do you define beauty?

Beauty, for me, comes from a place of confidence. From an aesthetic standpoint, it’s highly subjective, but it always attracts my attention when a person owns whatever they’re putting out into the world. We are constantly bombarded with marketing and narratives in social media, influencing what we should perceive as beautiful. I’m always drawn to those that transmit positive energy that breaks the mold.

The post Niloo: A Winners Mindset appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

A Valuable Lesson on Hope

Carolyn Gerber Hofauer created a meal train for us in April of this year. I love to volunteer, love to give, and for the first time in my life, I am on the receiving end. Gerry Bell challenged me to ask for help as Debbie is fighting cancer. The truth is I am blessing them by allowing them to serve me. A tough concept for me but I embrace it.

Telesforo Rodas and his daughter River are the second people to drop food for us. I come back from work and Debbie tells me a father and daughter team dropped food for us. Debbie shows me a rock with hope and love painted on it. I take the rock and place it outside our home.  A few weeks later they bring another meal. This time there are Hope, Love, and Faith on the stone painted by Lyrica Dunnett, Sky Rodas and River Rodas. I do not know the Rodas family personally, nor do I know them by name. A while later I post on a forum thanking the community for providing us with meals. I also ask for the name of the father-daughter team that delivered the meal and painted hope and love on the stone. Lisa Rodas replies saying it was her husband and daughter.

The previous week Devon Dienesch’s daughter drew a few words of encouragement. Debbie takes that with her every time she goes for chemo.

As my wife battles cancer, COVID on the rise, and the economy in shambles, will my grit, optimism, self-efficacy, ability, soft skills or talent get me through these challenging times?

There is a reason River has written HOPE on this stone. What is she trying to tell me? What is her message? Why now?

What is hope? How can we use it in our lives? What are the humanistic, psychological, and spiritual connotations of hope? How do I use hope to get through these challenging times? Is it some vague spiritual concept? Or some esoteric framework designed in the ivory towers of academia. As I navigate hope in my own life, I want to look at it from a spiritual, humanist, and psychological perspective.

Charles Snyder in the Hope Theory posits that hope consists of agency and pathways. Hope helps the individual with the will to overcome the hurdles in life and provides various ways to overcome it. Liz Day in her research states that hope is linked to divergent thinking. Rebecca Gorres in her research on situational hope found that it leads to divergent thinking and different ways to cope with problems in life. She clearly differentiates between hope, self-efficacy, and optimism. Philip Magaletta and J. Oliver in their research found that hope is superior to self-efficacy and optimism.

Sure, professors can write about this stuff in the towers of academia. I am hurting. I am struggling. I could lose my wife. So many of my close friends are divorced. I have worked so hard on my marriage. I could lose her before my 19th anniversary. Life is not fair.

Lawrence Rifkin in Humanist Magazine talks about “The humanist worldview is filled with hope. We may be made of matter, but we decide what matters. It is through meaningful human action that a blank computer screen can become a poem, that slavery can become freedom. We can help others, alleviate suffering, and experience beauty. Humanism is not just the rejection of an idea. Humanism is an affirmation. It is a positive, clear-eyed response to our one world. It is saying ‘yes’, not saying ‘no.’”

This answer does not help me personally. Abstract philosophical concepts are too abstract for me when I am hurting. There is no substitute for love.

Lawrence Rifkin when pushed for providing hope for the hurting and the despondent states clearly that ‘humanism is not about hope. It’s about facing the world as it actually exists and making the best of it.’ I like how Rifkin does end his essay by saying get together with someone who is hurting, listen to them, and encourage them.

Hinduism looks at hope with Pratidhi which is a desire or a wish for something good to happen. Ok. I get it. Should I just wish for Debbie’s cancer to disappear?

Seyed Shirvani talks about hope in the Quran through the prism of Raja, Amal, and Tamanna. Raja means waiting for something, Amal means a desire and Tamanna means to make a request. I want the healing to happen now. I want the pain, suffering, and invasive treatments to stop.

From a Jewish perspective, Jonathan Sacks explains it best ‘Western civilization is the product of two cultures: ancient Greece and ancient Israel. The Greeks believed in fate: the future is determined by the past. Jews believed in freedom: there is no ‘evil decree’ that cannot be averted. The Greeks gave the world the concept of tragedy. Jews gave it the idea of hope. The whole of Judaism – though it would take a book to show it – is a set of laws and narratives designed to create in people, families, communities, and a nation, habits that defeat despair. Judaism is the voice of hope in the conversation of mankind’.

The three theological virtues of Christianity are faith, hope, and love. River, Sky, and Lyrica you got me.

From the Christian perspective, Psalm 42:5 says Hope in God! For an independent, rebellious, broken, and messed up individual like me this ‘hoping in God’ concept does not come naturally. However, I have to drill it into my inner psyche.

Biblical hope gives me an emotional shock absorber to handle the wrong, be loving, and not get caught up in a victim mentality or self-pity. With Debbie battling cancer, the emotional engine allows me to persevere.

Hope is an eagerness for something favorable to happen in the future. Biblical hope is not just eagerness for Debbie to get healed but being confident about it and expecting it to happen. There is moral credence in it. What River was telling me is just do not cross your fingers that Debbie will get healed but expect great things from the Creator. I looked at Hebrews 6:9-12 ‘each one of you to show the same earnestness in realizing the full assurance of hope until the end’. I cannot afford to be lethargic but be zealous and pursue the full assurance of hope.

River, I have my doubts. Can I have this hope? Does it prepare me to see my wife ravaged by cancer? The role of a caretaker is tough and challenging.

Doubt is the natural adversary of biblical faith. Hope is an integral part of faith. OK, River, you got me. I give up.

As we get older, we have to embrace pain, suffering, disappointment, and things not going as planned. The more you embrace these issues the better you will do. In a matter of weeks, Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, had a mastectomy, a job offer for me was rescinded due to COVID, the fridge broke down, the fence broke and we had a major infestation in our house caused by a box given to us.

I really had to have the attitude of ‘what now’ instead of ‘why me’. I had to be grateful and focus on the positive. I had to be resilient. Finally, I had to focus on hope. As a man of faith, I had to accept my brokenness. When you are broken, the light comes in. The light gives you hope.

I do not know the Rodas family. It was the thought of one young girl in her innocence to get the ball rolling that challenged me to my core. Thank you, River, Sky, and Lyrica. The stones are outside for everyone to see. Every day before I enter my house, I read the words on those stones. I am encouraged, strengthened, lifted high, and it has changed me forever. Your one act has created a ripple that will have an everlasting impact.

As you read this, I hope your reservoir is overflowing like Niagara Falls, deep down in the dam of your soul, the hydroelectric generator of peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, and unconditional love will churn the new power of glory and help you to have hope to deal with the postmodern dystopian world of pain and darkness.

The post Finding Hope in the Midst of Suffering appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Welcome to my series on practical faith. We eat food daily, so we understand food. We have a brother, sister, mother, father, son, or daughter, so we comprehend family. We use money daily, so we know its power. But faith… What is it? For some people, it could be Jesus, Chris Tomlin, Louis Hay, David Crowder,  John Demartini, or Esther Hicks. For others, it could be a get-rich scheme, the secret to success, or a method to manifest abundance.

Over the last 18 months, I have interviewed people from the Hindu, Parsi, Sikh, Mindfulness, Living Arts, Sahaja Yoga, and various denominations of Christianity.

I want to delve into the practical aspects of having faith. Debbie has been fighting cancer for the last seven months. Karen drove in the worst storm, gave up her shift to drive Debbie to her surgery, and stayed with her the whole day. Alison drove 40 minutes to pick Debbie from the hospital. Karen and Alison do not follow any faith. However, the community has rallied around us. Over the last three months, Carolyn created a meal train for us; people are giving us gift certificates, someone is paying for my fence to be repaired, and so on. These people are putting their faith into practice.

Lori Beth runs a faith-based blog to encourage your daily life. She covers diverse topics concerning her faith. I ask her real, deep questions as to how faith can be put to practice, God’s power, building faith, and feelings are not facts.

Lori, please talk to me about what faith is. I find faith is easy to preach, even easier to write and read about. Living it day in and day out and practicing peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity, forgiveness, compassion, and serving others. That is when the rubber hits the road. Please comment?

Faith means having a belief in something that you cannot necessarily see at the moment. The Bible says that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.

Faith is easy to preach and write about. The real test comes in living it out. I think when someone truly yields their life to God and relies on the Holy Spirit, it makes living this out possible. I consider myself to be someone who has a strong faith in God, yet this does not mean I am perfect. I have my days where I feel I’m on a mountaintop, obeying God, serving others, and showing love. But then there are days I find myself getting impatient, acting in the flesh, disobeying God’s instructions, etc. And I believe this is just part of being human and battling with the sinful nature. When these things happen, I am convicted to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness and lean on God’s help to overcome. I think having faith in God is what keeps me going and it helps me- to not give up on God, and not give up on myself. It is possible to live a life of victory in faith when you consistently go to your source (God) no matter what. For example, if I have to forgive someone who hurt me deeply, I cannot do this on my own strength. But when I go to God and say “Lord, help me see this person how you see them. Help me to let this go and cast this onto you. I cannot handle this but you can,” there is a power in doing that and then I am able to show forgiveness. This does not mean it is easy. This does not mean it is instant either. But it means it is possible. I have to rely on God and my faith in Him more than relying on my own feelings. 

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Faith does not always protect us. Talk to me about this statement because sometimes we get confused?

Bad things happen to everyone no matter what. Because we live in a broken world, even Christians will face hardships and suffering. 

I think it’s important to know that as Christians, sometimes a lot of bad happens to us because we are being attacked by the enemy. God can certainly deliver us from these attacks and/or show us how to overcome the attacks and fight through them. What I love is the phrase “You take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good”. We see Joseph say this in the book of Genesis. 

It is important to understand as I stated before that a lot of bad happens due to living in a broken world. When Adam and Eve sinned, sin entered the earth. This left us all open and vulnerable to an imperfect place to live in. So we are not immune to sickness and pain. Bad happens as well because sometimes God is testing our faith. If we never faced hardships, our faith would not grow. We would have no reason to cling to God and focus on him if we lived in perfect earth. I think a lot of times we face tribulations because God wants to humble us, prune us/ cleanse us, and mature us. 

What is the difference between North American Christianity and individualism and the real Christianity of embracing suffering, being humble, and turning the other cheek?

Sometimes North American Christianity can be very self-focused. We may not say it aloud, but sometimes we act and believe as if God was the one created in order to make us happy. We like being comfortable and in control of our lives. We often forget that we are the creation. We exist for Him, not the other way around. We exist to worship Him, have fellowship with Him, and glorify Him with our lives. Sometimes that includes a lot of suffering. We can’t think suffering is a terrible thing, because truthfully suffering is what purifies us and draws us closer to God than ever before. To endure suffering for God is something that is honorable. I think North American Christianity gets mad at God for allowing suffering. While real Christianity understands that this world is not our home, so we will have to endure a lot of pain on this earth. The solution is not to run from it but find God in the midst of it. He is very present in our pain. The Christians in the book of Acts endured countless amounts of suffering, especially Paul. He was beaten, flogged, jailed, ridiculed, and killed. This was a man who loved God more than anything and look at what he had to endure. The disciples who walked with Jesus on this earth were also killed for their faith. But they were able to spread the gospel message and that is what mattered. Sometimes we as Christians can be very worldly in our thinking patterns and in what we expect from God. But when we decide to truly study the Scriptures, our minds can be renewed and we can be set free as we find what it truly means to be a Christian. 

The older I get I realize I need to become intentional to have health, friendships, relationships, and everything else. The old adage just pray about it, trust, and read your bible does not cut it anymore. Help me understand this better?

Praying about situations, reading the Bible, and trusting God are the first steps to anything important. These are the foundations of the faith. In order to have health, praying about it is a place to start. Then, you take action. This could mean exercise, cutting things out of your regular diet, being disciplined to say no to sugar, etc. 

The same goes for friendships and relationships. I pray a lot about those things. The Word shows us how to be a good friend and how to truly show love in our relationships. Then putting our faith and what we have learned in the Word into action is important. It’s not enough to just know the right thing, it’s about putting it into practice. I have prayed a lot about purposeful friendships. I find that God always brings someone into my life when I pray for it to happen. Now, this does not mean I sit at home and a new friend just comes to my door of course. It means maybe I seek someone out at church, I join a new small group or ministry, or volunteer somewhere and start seeking out friends. So the action steps are important but praying that God leads is always the right place to start. 

Instagram is the land of selfies and the likes. Is that good for us? Should we really judge our worth with likes?

Instagram can be very damaging if we are not careful about guarding our hearts against pride. I think sometimes we incorrectly believe we are somehow more important when people pay attention to us on social media. If we struggle with insecurity, we may be using those likes as fake validation. When really, it’s a silly thing to do. Our worth is not found in likes, but it’s found in Jesus Christ. Jesus died and shed His blood for each one of us. He sees us as worthy. His thoughts of us need to matter more than anyone else’s. His approval is what matters, not the approval of man. So I would say it’s kind of dangerous to judge our worth in social media. Social media can never deliver us from insecurity, only a relationship with Jesus and knowing our true identity can do that. 

I love your article concerning the single woman. Talk about your own experience through that whole process?

Although I am currently married (just a few months in, I’m a newlywed), being single was one of the things that I struggled with a lot. I write about it in hopes to encourage others with my story. 

When I was single, I had a season where I was content with that. I became very close to God and learned how to love Him above all things. I allowed Him to fill my voids, just by prayer, spending time in worship, and focusing on Him. There was a point where I truly did not want to date anyone because all I wanted was more of God and I did not want any distractions. 

Then eventually, that faded as I got really caught up in my feelings. I got caught up in looking at everyone else’s lives. I especially got caught up at my age. People would ask me why I wasn’t married yet and that began to bother me. I felt pressure from those around me, and I also started to feel lonely and began to dwell on that loneliness. So I started compromising, lowering my standards and started dating just because I did not want to be alone anymore. I did not try to necessarily date Christian men, but men who seemed decent and would give me attention. After a few breakups, I found myself very broken. I realized I was forcing relationships out of loneliness. None of the men I dated were truly anything that I knew God wanted for me. I had always envisioned myself with a strong man of God, with someone who could lead me, pray with me, and seek the Lord with me. I dated men who weren’t sure if they even believed in God and some that did but just did not seem to fit well with me. 

Eventually, I had to lay down those relationships. I felt very rejected during this time and I had to come to the conclusion none of them could truly give me the love my heart needed. I was very desperate for a man more than God, and that mentality had to change. 

I started to do a few things to change. I fasted and prayed. I joined a group of young women my age in a bible study and we met weekly, discussing topics that were important to us and strengthened our faith.  I got a life coach who walked me through the reasoning behind my decisions. She encouraged me to wait on a godly man and not lower my standards. I resolved that the next man I would give a chance to would have to meet those standards of being a strong believer and that I could truly see a future with him. 

At this point, I was 30 years old. I was seeking a lot of new things in my life, such as a new job and a new location. I was praying and fasting for God to open those doors. I also began to pray and fast specifically for a godly husband. That year, God opened the door for me to move, get a new job, and eventually meet a great godly man in my new location who would become my husband. I love my husband and one of the best things about Him is his strong faith in God. He pushes me closer to God and does not try to take God’s place in my life. That is exactly what I wanted. So, I’m very glad I did not settle many years ago out of loneliness and out of the pressure from others to hurry up and be with someone. It takes a strong person to hold up their standards and not lower them. 

I am really a loyal person and sometimes wanted my friends from kindergarten to still be close. However, some relationships are there for a reason and for a season so no use chasing those relationships. What is your opinion on that?

It’s hard to accept that some friends really only come for a season. When we move to another area, another church, another job, we make new friends and it can be hard to keep in touch with old ones. That does not mean it’s impossible of course, I still have friends in different locations. But when you reach out to someone and they don’t respond, or it seems you are just drifting away and keeping in touch seems more forced than something natural, it might be a sign it was a seasonal friendship. And it’s okay to accept that and move on. It’s not a good idea to chase people unless the Holy Spirit is putting on your heart that you really need to remain connected to that person. This is possible. Sometimes hurdles present themselves but if God is putting in your heart that you should not cut that connection then you should listen. 

You are one of the few female bloggers that have written about sexual purity. It has always been part of the male domain. Talk about the harm that kind of lifestyle can lead us?

There is a lot of harm that comes from sexual sin. I think one of the most important truths to recognize is that if you are in sexual sin, this hinders your intimacy with God. It’s very hard to be close to God if you are living that lifestyle because you are compromising by disobeying His Word. You are sinning against your own body and not valuing yourself. God’s will is that we all draw near to him, be satisfied with him, and live an abundant life of victory. But when you are in sexual sin, you are very distracted. I’ve heard the phrase, “How can you cast out a demon you are sleeping with?” And I believe that is a powerful statement.  As Christians, we have to be focused on doing the will of God for our lives and having a close relationship with God. Our vision can become clouded when we are in sexual sin. This sin can keep us bound to people who God never intended to be in our lives. It also causes a lot of emotional pain. Women, in particular, become very clingy to men they are sexual with. Then when that man breaks their heart, they are left with so much pain that is hard to overcome. Sex bonds you to a person through the hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is released during sex. Because of this, it is not easy to forget someone you are with. Then in the future, you might bring all that baggage into a marriage. Also, women are usually longing for security in a relationship and think that if they have sex with the man maybe he will stay around forever. But if we give ourselves away so easily, and that man has no reason to stay committed, he can use you and move on while you are left chasing him. I have experienced the pain of sexual sin in the sense that I felt a lot of guilt, shame, and I felt a wall in my relationship with God. It took me many years to overcome it and finally feel strong again. The most damaging effect it had on me was the wedge it created between me and the Lord, and it stunted my growth. This left me feeling very broken. So I talk about sexual purity because this is an issue that must be spoken about among women. We can avoid a lot of pain and brokenness when we save ourselves and resolve to live a life of purity. It is possible with God’s help and leaning on Him. 

I truly believe more harm has been done in this world through insecurity. You talk a lot about it.  Walk me through that maze of insecurity?

Oh yes, insecurity is one of the most damaging things that humans deal with. I think it’s very common. I have dealt with many insecurities stemming from childhood. I had thoughts that told me I was less than others, that I was ugly, and I was not worth much. Some of it derived from growing up in a home with a lot of conflicts. Some of it came from constant comparison towards those around me. I believe the devil has tried to use that against me to kill my confidence. He does this to many others as well. When we are insecure, we are constantly unsure of ourselves. We are not firm in our decisions, we have a hard time speaking up about things, and have difficulty connecting with others. It can keep us from doing the will of God in our lives. If we feel we aren’t good enough for a certain position or ministry, that is stemming from a place of insecurity. Many people know they are gifted but are afraid to use their gifts because of insecurity. Insecurity can also keep a girl in a bad relationship and chasing boys that are no good because she does not know her worth. In one season of my life, I was that girl. God helped me overcome insecurity by going to a retreat when I was younger. I also learned to speak the Word of God aloud and believe it. At one point in my life, I decided to fast, pray, and read books about my identity in Christ and godly confidence. 

God showed me where my insecurity was coming from and I had to deal with some past painful experiences. I would not say “I have arrived”, but the battle is not as intense as before. I stay in freedom by remembering the Word and prayer and casting down thoughts that don’t agree with God’s Word. God has taken me a long way. I have learned my worth is in Him and I definitely feel more secure in myself as an adult. 

Prayer and being silent have been practiced since the beginning of time. Talk to me about the advantages and how it helps us?

Prayer is so powerful. When we just sit with God in his presence, He is able to speak to us and shows us things. When we get quiet with Him, we are able to deal with things in our hearts that He can reveal to us. We are able to find the true peace and healing that we need. Whenever I am stressed, I recharge by having alone time with God in my room. I put on worship music, I talk to him, then just sit and listen. I find myself always feeling stronger and more focused after I do this.  I try to make this a more regular habit. I think for any Christian, prayer is like your oxygen. And alone time with God is necessary. If we don’t do it, we will certainly feel negative effects in our attitudes and our minds. 

We may never have all the answers. I am ok with it. Instead of why me I say what now. Walk me through this statement?

To get away from saying “Why me” and saying “What now”, is a really good thing to do. When we are stuck on “Why me?” we can get stuck in self-pity and bitterness. It can lead us to get angry with God and feel like our circumstances are unfair. But truthfully sometimes we will never know why some painful things happen to us. We have to make that decision to trust in God and ask Him how to get through it and move forward. God will always use our pain for good when we trust Him with it. God is faithful to work things out in our lives no matter how bad it looks like in the present moment. When we can release our “Why me?” to God, and instead ask God “What now?” this gives God the liberty to steer us in the right direction. God may be wanting to show you how to overcome the pain so that you can comfort others who are in the same pain. It’s often where you feel the most broken that you are able to minister to others. It’s often when you are going through the fire that God is molding you and making you more mature. It’s one thing to say we have faith, it’s another to hold onto that faith no matter what happens in our lives. I think God is pleased when we choose to trust Him no matter what. 

I’ve heard a story of a young wife who became a widow when her husband died unexpectedly. She now leads a ministry serving other young widows and telling them about how Jesus helps her with the pain. I heard a story of a young man whose wife died, and at first, he was broken. Of course, I am sure it still hurts. But God told him to use his energy to start a homeless ministry and he was able to bless those people in many ways. You just never know who you can help out of your brokenness, but have to trust God has a plan. 

The post Practical Faith appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong – Mahatma Gandhi

To err is human, to forgive, divine – Alexander Pope

Romance to ruin

It was my tenth wedding anniversary. I was excited to have made it this far.

As we celebrate in a fine dining restaurant on the Mayan Riviera, I ask Debbie how we are doing as a couple. I love asking Debbie this question. You see, in the last decade, she had never criticized me. On the other hand, if I ask my daughter how I am doing as a father, I always get a list of things I need to work on.

I am excited. Debbie will tell me that I have been sensitive, gentle, romantic and will thank me for bringing us to this amazing resort. The ego is waiting to be fed.

‘Jerry, I have to be honest with you about something. The first is that you are a lousy sleeper. The second is that every time we hang around certain people, you are not the same person for a week.

‘Wow! Wow! Wow! Hold on a minute…what do you mean I am a lousy sleeper?’

‘Well, it takes you an hour for you to go to sleep. You are always twisting and turning. And even when you sleep it feels like you are fighting someone’.

‘OK, OK, I get it. What about the second comment?’

Debbie names a few people.

Walk on the beach

In life, have you ever felt like someone has put a knife inside you? How about when they turn it and sprinkle salt and vinegar on the wound? That is how I was feeling.

After dinner, I took a long walk on the beach.

As the waves were fighting the gravitational pull of the earth and the moon, I was fighting what Debbie just told me.

However, it did explain something. All my life I have always felt tired. I have never pulled an all-nighter in my whole life. Debbie was so true about some of the names she mentioned.

I had to do something about it.

Around this same time, 7 men involved in my wedding got divorced. We also had a reunion from St. Andrews in New York and a classmate who lives less than an hour’s drive never showed up. After two years of planning, a university reunion did not occur because people could not decide which hotel to stay at.

Face to face with forgiveness

Keep in mind, that hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain they have some unresolved issues. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily – Joel Osteen

I am in Dr. Lin’s office. I told her about the talk I had with my wife. She asks me a few questions about my past. After an hour, we come to a mutual decision that I need help. I made a request about what kind of shrink I want (the control freak in me).

My first appointment with Coleen resulted in me talking about how many friends I had. She tells me that if anyone has more real friends than their fingers, there is an issue there. I learned not to try to impress her anymore.

It was a long, painful, difficult process. For the first three years, I came monthly.

We talked about unconditional love, abandonment, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, dealing with issues, taking people where they are at, being broken, and forgiveness.

Dealing with the reality

I am a perfectionist, have unrealistic expectations of people, am prideful, impatient, ungrateful, co-dependent on people, and am looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong people.

I was driving my wife nuts. She would clean the whole home, and mow the lawn, Jean was in bed, and dinner was waiting for me. But I had to pinpoint that one piece of stain on the hardwood.

I had unrealistic expectations from my friends that they had to be as loyal as I was to them.

I was arrogant that I was working on Bay Street.

I was driving myself crazy that I had not made it to Vice President at 35.

I graduated from one of the best high schools on the planet. I got honors from the best hotel school in the world. I do not smoke, drink or do drugs. Porn, that is for losers who do not get the real stuff. Me broken, never. I had to come in touch with me being broken.

I had to come in touch with my own criticism and negativity, deep-rooted from my own insecurities.

I had a bad temper and was impatient.

I could not spell being grateful and forgiving.

I had kept a record of wrongs for a long time.

I did not have boundaries in my life.

As I continued to talk, email, and write letters to those who hurt me, it was like a whole burden had come off.

I was sleeping better, happier, and became a better husband and father.

What is forgiveness

Forgiveness is the willful and purposed process by which a victim undergoes a radical change in emotions, awareness, and perspective towards an offense and does not believe in being vengeful or wants compensation from the offender and wishes the offender well.

Forgiveness does not mean we condone, excuse, forget, pardon (legal), or seek reconciliation from the offender.

Research has shown that forgiving other people is better for your health.

Am I perfect today? No. I still struggle with many issues and am more aware of them. I make fun of my perfectionism. If someone is rude or cuts me on the highway, I try not to take it personally.

I promise you I am not the same person that I was five years ago.

I warn you not everyone will be happy with this new you. You will gain and lose some relationships. Not everyone is comfortable with change.

As you read this article, please call someone who has hurt you or you have hurt. Forgive the other person. Trust me you will come out ahead. Write to me about how this process has helped you.

The post To err is human, to forgive, divine appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation. It is savoring; it is not taking things for granted; it is present-oriented – Sonja Lyubomirsky

Prologue

On a cold day in January 2016, I am flying to London, UK, to get trained for two weeks for a dream job. The same year, one of my closest friends, Bill McLean, died of cancer. I was like 2017 better be good. In November 2017, a high school classmate died of a heart attack. In February 2018, I was talking to one of my closest friends from university, and that same night, he passed away. His death hit me hard. It took me a good six months to recover. 2019 was going well. I had great plans for 2020. In one week in December 2019, I was laid off from a start-up, Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, and my mom’s health was deteriorating. In March 2020, the day I was going to get a job offer, the COVID quarantine hit. Talk about a perfect storm.

My parents, friends, and work colleagues were all commenting on how well I was handling the storm.

Do you want an abundance of physical, mental, and social bliss? How about feeling optimistic, happy, and connected even during challenging times? I am sure you want better sleep, self-esteem, high energy, a stronger immune system, better emotional intelligence, and to build a capacity to forgive.

I have the answer. It is gratitude.

What is Gratitude

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation – Brian Tracy

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. It is derived from the Latin word gratia which stands for gratefulness, grace, or graciousness. When a human being receives something whether tangible or intangible and shows a thankful appreciation, it is gratitude. The person focuses on the positive in their life. Positive thinking helps the person to connect with something bigger than them, to other people, nature, and God.

Thesaurus has a few synonyms for gratitude and a whole subset of words and meaning attached to it. The synonyms are thankfulness, gratefulness, tribute, acknowledgment, appreciation, benediction, and recognition for the good in their life.

Gratitude and forgiveness have been my two biggest weaknesses. I have written extensively in this blog about it. It was only after marriage that Debbie has taught me about these two amazing qualities.

Modern Psychology and Gratitude

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Martin Seligman a famous psychologist did something very revolutionary more than three decades ago. Until that time psychologists focused on negative emotions like stress, addiction, trauma, and mental illness. Seligman looked at altruism, compassion, happiness, forgiveness, optimism, and gratitude.

Robert Emmons is the world’s leading expert on gratitude. His research has shown that expressing gratitude has a positive impact on human beings by improving their mental, physical, and relational well-being, and the effect lasts long.

Randy Kamen another psychologist talks about focusing on what you have rather than what is lacking in your life. The goal is to retrain the brain and to see the positive.

Gratitude was always part of the philosophical and religious domain in academia. So, it is interesting to see Psychologists getting interested in this area.

The benefits of An Attitude of Gratitude

I’ve had a remarkable life. I seem to be in such good places at the right time. You know, if you were to ask me to sum my life up in one word, gratitude – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

An attitude of gratitude is a choice, a habit that has to be developed and strengthened daily to gain the benefits. Gratitude detaches us and redeems us from negative feelings and toxic emotions. Gratitude leads to joy. Gratitude has a positive influence on the brain that is long-lasting. Gratitude improves relationships and problem-solving skills. Gratitude makes us better learners. It may seem contrived in the beginning but trust me as time passes you will notice a big difference.

The Journal of Applied Sport Psychology in a study in 2014 stated that gratitude improves self-esteem. Personality and Individual Differences published a study in 2012 that found that gratitude improves physical health. In the same year, the University of Kentucky’s research on gratitude found it improves empathy and reduces aggression. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in a 2003 study concluded that gratitude helped people in building resilience after 9/11.

How to develop an attitude of gratitude

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

Keep a Journal

In 2011, research published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being found that writing a gratitude journal improves sleep. I have found this has helped me tremendously. I have a personal gratitude journal. It is easy for me to focus on friends that I have lost, setbacks in my career, career moves I should have made. I do not stress on coming up with things or making up stuff.  By keeping a gratitude journal, my mental health is better as I am not focusing on envy or resentment but focusing on the positive in my life and how blessed it is.

However, I am focusing on:

I still have an amazing set of friends from grade 8, high school, university, and the business world. There are a few in Toronto that I have been doing breakfast or lunch once a month for the last 25 years

I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, clothes, money in the bank and two cars outside

Grateful for OHIP (free medical care in Ontario)

I am in good health

I have a job working from home

Living in one of the best cities in the best country in the world

People who we do not know cooking food for us

People driving Debbie to her appointments

Debbie and Jean love me unconditionally

I am one of the few people I know that have both their parents alive

As you focus on the positive, you are more joyful. I even tell Debbie, what if cancer happened a decade back? She was running a daycare and Jean was only 6. I have never created a fake sense of blessedness. I focus on counting all the blessings I have.

Say and write thank you often

Today I wrote a note of thanks to all the people who are delivering meals to us. I thank fellow bloggers for following me or inspiring me. As you show your appreciation you just get this great feeling. You are also nurturing your own relationship with the other person. Let them know how they impact your life. I also want to challenge you to write a thank you letter to yourself.

Practice breathing

I am horrible at meditation. One of the things I do is just sit and breathe. It calms me down. As I breathe I just focus on all the positive things that are happening in my life. As I am practicing gratitude I am also training my brain to focus on the positive aspect of life. As I breathe, I am also focusing on the positive that is going around me. The brain is calm. The positive affirmations are entering your subconscious mind.

Pray

I do this often and often go for long walks just to contemplate.

How to deal with challenges that stop you from being grateful

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul — Rabbi Harold Kushner

We all have a critical inner voice. That negative inner voice has to be silenced. If it is not silenced it can play havoc with us feeling grateful. If you listen to the inner voice you can become bitter and resentful and not allow any love or compassion to creep in.

I want to show an example of listening to the critical inner voice versus embracing gratitude.

I have planned a golf outing with a friend of mine for Sunday afternoon. I am looking forward to it and as the day approaches it is raining heavily. I freak out. I get worked up and emotional that the day is ruined. I take it personally and start blaming the weather for my mood. I take out my frustration with my wife. My perception was that the rain messed up my weekend. My negative thought patterns which started in my critical inner voice have now been blown out of proportion. It has a negative influence on my wife and daughter.

My friend, on the other hand, was also looking forward to playing golf. He accepted the rain and surrendered. He called me and told me that he will focus on cleaning the house and then cook for his wife. He also thinks the grass does not have to be watered. My friend made a conscious and intentional decision to make the best out of the situation. At the end of the day, it is all about perception. My friend surrendered with humility.

Epilogue

The last few months have been hectic. I was going to work then rushing back, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. The truth was I was burning out. All my life from a young age I have been a volunteer. Even at the new job, I was driving people. Someone approached me at the office and said ‘Jerry, this is the time for you to be selfish. COVID-19 is happening and your wife’s immune system is compromised. You do not have to drive anyone’.

Someone challenged me to ask for help. I hate asking for help. The person reminded me that I am stopping other people from getting blessed. It was my pride and being a control freak that did not want to ask for help. And then due to high winds, my fence came down.

As a result of that conversation, I pleaded for help. I just explained what was going on in our lives. Carolyn Gerber who was bringing us meals for the last couple of weeks made a meal train, and the love, support and offers just poured in.

On Monday, after I was looking at the damage the wind had done and was stepping out, I see a van parked in front of my house. I see some young kids in the back of the car and the mother offers me food. Her name is Devon Dienesch. I am blown away. We have a quick chat and we have a few common acquaintances and I take the food inside. Debbie shows me the note with the food. Later that night I read the note and I just started crying. Here was this encouraging note from an innocent child.

I have a choice to focus on the fence and all the other challenges I am facing or seeing the goodness in all these people who are going out of their way and serving us.

I was then reminded of the time in grade 11 and 12 for early morning service at Bishop Cotton School, reading in front of 300 boys, Philippians 4:6: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

I remembered Arun Sachdev a heart surgeon visiting from Thailand and as Vipul Goel was driving us to Niagara, Arun started quoting Psalm 7:17: I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High. I am like you still remember those scriptures and you are Hindu, dude.

No matter what comes my way, I will be grateful. I know many of you are going through challenges. It is not going to be easy. Be grateful.

Photo Credits: Brooke Cagle Gian Cescon Erriko Boccia Gabrielle Henderson Priscilla Du Preez  AndriyKo Podilnyk

The post Discover the transformative attitude of gratitude appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Prayer is a form of communication or supplication directed toward a deity, higher power, or divine being. It is a practice that is often associated with religious or spiritual traditions and is found in various forms across different cultures and belief systems.

In prayer, individuals express their thoughts, feelings, gratitude, requests, or devotion to the object of their worship. Prayers can take many forms, including spoken words, silent thoughts, rituals, or written expressions. The content and purpose of prayers can vary widely, ranging from seeking guidance, expressing gratitude, asking for assistance, seeking forgiveness, or simply fostering a sense of connection with the divine.

Different religions and spiritual traditions have their specific practices and beliefs regarding prayer. In some traditions, prayer may involve specific rituals, gestures, or recitation of sacred texts. In others, it may be more personal and spontaneous. Overall, prayer serves as a means for individuals to connect with their spiritual beliefs, seek comfort, and find a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives.

I talked to Pastor Beth Graf about prayer.

Beth, a pleasure having you onboard. Please share with my audience a little about you?

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for 26 years.  I’m a mom to two amazing teenagers. I’m a former E.C.E. and Kindergarten teacher. Currently, I’m the Ministry Health Pastor (part-time) at Sanctus Church and a certified Spiritual Life Coach in my private practice. The best part of my life is the incredible adventure of following Jesus Christ for 43 years!

This month you released The Truth About You: God’s Thoughts For You. What is it about? What is the main message? Why should we read it?

I’m thrilled to share that I have recently published a children’s book on Amazon called “The Truth About You: God’s Thoughts For You”. While it’s geared toward younger children, the book is full of “identity-shaping” truths for all ages.

Amazingly, all the words/concepts in this book come from Listening Prayer with my daughter and son when they were 4 to 10 years old.  After they would say their bedtime prayers, we would pause and listen to see what the Lord Jesus wanted to say to them in response. I recorded all the simple, profound truths that came to their child’s hearts. Two years ago, the Lord impressed upon me that He wanted other children to know these same truths, so He inspired me to create this book!

There is also a bonus section at the end for Parents/Caregivers to help their children hear from God for themselves. Children can easily hear from the Lord if they are shown how.

I know you were a pastor for prayer and now a ministry health pastor. I want to know what is prayer.

From my experience, prayer is an authentic, ongoing conversation with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. You speak with honor and transparency to God and He speaks lovingly and truthfully to you.

Your depth of knowing God depends on your choice. Let me explain – To know God the Father and the Holy Spirit intimately, you first must welcome a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God. The reason for this is that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the only thing that makes us perfect and holy again.  When we personally accept Jesus’ sacrifice and invite Him into our lives to lead us, God shifts from being outside of us to the inside of us. This internal dwelling of Jesus Christ is what can make our relationship and prayer life more profound and intimate with God. God is no longer, “the universe” or far away, we can know and experience Him profoundly within.

One final thought, to grow in your prayer life requires making it part of your everyday life. Just like exercising your body or brushing your teeth, make it an intentional holy habit. For me now at this point in my life, it’s like I never hang up the phone on God, I’m communicating with Him and He is sharing with me constantly.

Many people treat God like a genie in a bottle and buy into the prosperity gospel. What should we know about prayer? Do we really need it in our daily lives?

When I was first following Jesus, prayer was all about asking God for what I wanted and for Him to help me with my plans. Now after years of following, surrendering to Him, and becoming more like Jesus, my prayers are often, “God, what do You want? Have Your Way. Your kingdom comes, Your will be done.”

I have tried to release God of all my expectations of Him and what I thought was the way He should answer and respond to my prayers. It just led to such disappointment. Yet, what would our world be like if God were obligated to fulfill the will of every human being? That would be disastrous! Thankfully, the LORD is obligated only to His will. So now when I pray, I ask the Lord what He wants regarding situations and people, listen for His answer, and then pray it back to Him. As a result, I see incredible and specific answers to my prayers.

Let’s be honest. Prayer is not natural. Give us some practical examples of how we can get better at it. How we can make it a habit?

We all seem to make time to brush our teeth, why? Because it’s important for our health and we value our smile.

In making prayer a habit, it’s so important to first realize that prayer is incredibly valuable! For some reason, God has chosen to work with humanity to see His will fulfilled on the earth. Prayers that aren’t prayed, won’t be answered by Him. I used to think that God didn’t really need my prayers and that He was just going to do whatever He wanted anyway. However, as I got to know Him and read the Bible, I realized that although He was Sovereign overall, God still decides to use our feeble prayers to usher in His will on the earth (Matthew 7:7).

Once I realized my prayers mattered, it was motivation to make it a habit.

I recommend the following on how to get better at prayer:

Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to pray.

Be intentionally aware of God’s presence in your everyday life.

Create a prayer rhythm in your schedule. Start simple with a short prayer time once a day. As you find it beneficial, increase the length of time or frequency. For me, I have an intentional prayer time in the morning, as I get ready, where I give God all that I’m facing that day and ask for His help. Before bed, I also get on my knees and unload all the stresses of my day on Him and pray whatever else the Holy Spirit brings to mind.

Make room for spontaneous prayer in your day. As stuff comes up, have an internal conversation with Him or out loud when you’re on your own.

When you don’t know what to say to God, pray for a Bible verse that resonates with you. The Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 is helpful. Writing/journaling prayers are powerful as well.

Help me understand as a pastor what women’s empowerment means to you.

It means fair opportunity, respect, and an equal voice at the table.

The more I read about Jesus, the more I am impressed. He was always surrounded by women. He cared for the prostitute, and the menstruating woman, and talked to them. This was unheard of in His time and culture. What can we learn from this and apply it to the 21st century?

I don’t fully understand why women have always seemed to be “less than” men – not taken as seriously, marginalized, objectified, covered/hidden, silenced, or poorer. We can truly learn from Jesus who honored women and gave them a voice and significant roles to play in His life story and mission. It was an ordinary teenage girl who was chosen as His earthly mother and a former prostitute who was first given the gospel to share with others that Jesus was alive from the dead.

Jesus empowered the marginalized, those that others would overlook or even reject. He loved them, taught them, and then entrusted them with His mission of sharing the good news of His salvation. Jesus had both male and female followers who were valued and called to fulfill His vision. We’re all in this together.

You have been married for a while and are a mother. Please give my audience three practical tips on being a mother and wife.

As a wife and mother:

Ask God to help you be unselfish and give you wisdom all the time.

Communicate honestly, respectfully, and kindly – treat your husband and kids the way you want to be treated.

Let go of control. There are seasons when children are young and need you to protect them but as they grow, give them space to breathe, discover, and take risks. Don’t feel the pressure to change your husband. Leave him and your kids in the trustworthy hands of God and be free of worrying over them.

Beth, we can read our Bible, trust God, and pray all we want. However, we have to be intentional in dealing with our issues, hurt, pain, anger, resentment, and other challenges. Give me some practical examples of how we can do this.

Forgive others – truly from your heart. When you forgive, it’s not that you are agreeing that what happened to you was right, it’s choosing to let the person off your hook and leave them on God’s hook. Un-forgiveness, bitterness, and resentment take up too much emotional energy. Let it go. You’ll find it so freeing not to keep track of every wrong that has ever happened to you. You’ll have more time to think of other things and feel more positive emotions – anger and bitterness are “joy-killers.”

Forgive God and yourself. In our brokenness, we can hold unforgiveness toward God in our heart for times He let us down and allowed things to happen to us that were painful. Release God of your expectations and forgive Him, it’s just a block in your relationship to Him if you don’t. The truth is He’s perfect, He can’t do anything wrong, it’s our pain that distorts our perception. You can’t be perfect, that’s why Jesus lived a perfect life for us and died for our imperfections, that we would be made right with our perfect Creator God. Let yourself go free of unrealistic expectations and ask for Jesus’ help moving forward.

Let go of shame. It makes us hide from God and others. God made you to shine for Him! Ask Him to forgive you and He will.

Renounce lies you believed about yourself through pain and trauma – lies like I’m fat, I’m ugly, I don’t matter, I’m unworthy, What I have to say isn’t important, unlovable, I’m not good enough or I don’t measure up. Like shame, lies keep us from being all God wants us to be. DON’T HOLD BACK, SHINE!

Know the truth about God and who He really is according to Scripture and know the truth about you and how He sees you. Walking in these truths will set you free.

I know you went through a serious physical challenge a couple of years back. Walk me through how you dealt with it and came out thriving at the end of the tunnel?

When I was 27, I came to a place in my life where I wanted to experience God. I knew about Jesus but I didn’t really know Him – there’s a big difference. In desperation, I cried out to the Lord to encounter me. I wanted to know Him and He came to me. His peaceful presence overwhelmed me and as a result, I learned to love Him and His Word – the Bible. I also gained an intense desire to worship Him and put Him first and began to discern His personal thoughts for me and others.

When I was 41 years, I became very sick and started to lose weight for a whole year. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis (bowel disease) and hospitalized in September 2012. I remember when the GI specialist said, “I think I’m going to upgrade your diagnosis to Crohn’s Colitis”. This was devastating because there is no known cure for Crohn’s disease. It felt like he had dropped 2 tonnes on me and that I’d been given a life sentence.

When he left the hospital room, I immediately cried out to God and this was the memorable dialogue that ensued.

Me: “Lord Jesus, I know that what You say is the truest reality! What do You want to tell me right now? I need Your voice.”

Jesus: “HEALED!” (I was astonished!)

Me: “Do You mean the ultimate healing in death?” (I frankly felt so awful and was in so much pain, I wanted to die).

Jesus: “No.”

Me: “Then when will You heal me, God?” (I wanted His healing yesterday).

Jesus: “Soon.”

Me: “Is that according to Your sense of time or my timeline?”

I never got an answer. But from that moment onward, I clung in faith to His word HEALED even though things didn’t initially change. One important thing I remember doing was not agreeing to the doctor’s diagnosis and owning it. I never said ”I have Crohn’s” or “My disease”, instead I would say, “I’ve been diagnosed with Crohn’s Colitis”. I took God’s word to me seriously and I wasn’t going to agree to anything less than HEALED.

Long story short, listening for His voice got me through such a dark time when I was stripped of everything. I couldn’t even mother my children and had to go stay with my parents for 2 months. I was broken so profoundly but I kept hearing God say to me that He would raise me up and that was the bright light at the end of a dark tunnel. I realized that HOPE is imperative. To not have hope is deathly. His voice was so reassuring and hopeful.

Prayer also helped. So many people at my church and my family were praying for me faithfully. I prayed constantly. On multiple occasions, I was blessed to have people visit and pray over me asking God to heal me. Praying against the enemy of my soul and breaking off his legal claim to me was incredibly beneficial too.

Dealing with my emotional pain, especially fear, was healing for me. Science has proven that our emotional brain is the lining of our digestive system and with Crohn’s Colitis affecting my whole digestive system, addressing my emotional baggage was essential.

But ultimately it was God. I remember the day in July 2015, I had spent a rare 5 days in a row alone with Him.  The Holy Spirit lead me in a deep healing experience and I was remarkably set free from a lot of fears in my life and even a spirit of fear. The LORD told me that because I had let Him deal with the root cause of the illness, I could go off Imuran, my medicine. This was very risky because the drug managed the Crohn’s Colitis. But I took a leap of faith and trusted God’s voice over anyone else. That was almost 4 years ago and I’m eating everything. I gain weight and I lose it when I want. I don’t have irritable bowels. I don’t have any further symptoms.

All I can do is praise the LORD and agree with Him – HEALED!!

To sum it up, learning to discern and obey the true voice of the Father, The Son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit, eating well, exercise, dealing with emotional pain/fears, natural supplements/probiotics, medicine, healing prayer – God used all of it to restore me. 

Finally, how do you find balance and place priority in your own life with regard to food faith finance, and family?

I don’t always do this well. It’s tough. I was recently talking with someone and they didn’t like the word balance and it got me thinking. Sometimes there are seasons where you need to give more to your family, sometimes there are seasons when you need to give more to your faith and relationship with God and sometimes you need to focus more on your health.

I don’t know the answer to this, but I do know that the closer I am to God, the more the rest of my life/responsibilities are harmonized.

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