Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Volunteering is an act of an individual or group freely giving time and labor for community service. It is an act of giving yourself for the greater needs of the community.

I talk to Taras Kulish a lawyer in the charity sector about volunteering.

Taras brings over 20 years of experience to the Business Law Group at Mills & Mills LLP. Before joining the firm in 2020, Taras was for many years the chair of the Charity/Not-for-Profit and Intellectual Property groups at a well-known mid-sized firm in Toronto.

In the Charity sector, Taras has extensive hands-on experience as a director, president, Country Director, and now International Relations Volunteer for the Canadian affiliate of an international NGO, which gives him insider knowledge about the challenges facing not-for-profit organizations in today’s complex world. Taras represents numerous churches, mosques, synagogues, and other faith-based groups as well as many other foundations and service organizations in the not-for-profit sector in Ontario.

Taras is co-chair of the organizing committee and spearheads the annual Churches, Charities, Not-for-profit Knowledge Hub for Ukrainian Canadian Social Services – Toronto, Ukrainian Canadian Bar Association, and the Ukrainian Canadian Professional Business Association

Taras, please tell my audience a little about you and your volunteer work?

Let me start Jerry by thanking you for the opportunity‎ to share with your audience how I practice my faith and make a difference. This year has been a milestone year. My wife, Sandra, and I have just celebrated our 20th anniversary; and since October, I now live in a household with two teenage girls. It’s a good thing we have a boy hamster named Jack Henry! As well, this is my 25th year practicing law and since Day 1, I have been involved in the charity sector helping organizations serve their community.

As a lawyer you do a lot of work for non-profits and charities tell us little about that as a volunteer?

I was lucky to start off as a first-year lawyer with a small Christian law firm in the GTA. I started working on foundations for evangelical Christian charities – the very first one was a children’s foundation. Over the years, as I grew in my career, I kept working with community-based charities and not-for-profit sports organizations. I really started to focus on this area as my involvement as a volunteer grew with HOPE worldwide Canada, first as a director in 2000, then as the President, and later Country Director. This experience gave me a great deal of hands-on, real-world experience to understand the challenges faced by a charity. Because of my legal training, I gravitated to all the legal work in the organization especially the international agreements required when an organization runs programs overseas or assists in disaster recovery. Now, I run an annual conference that attracts over 100 attendees and growing called Knowledge Hub for churches, charities, and not for profits. ‎My father always used to say, “The community is the most important thing.” I have been privileged to work with many organizations that do good work in their communities.

What drives you to help people in Ukraine as a volunteer?

Through HOPE worldwide Canada, I started out as a volunteer in international disaster recovery in Haiti after the earthquake in 2010; in the Philippines after Hurricane Haiyan; and in Ivory Coast after the Civil War. When the war in Eastern Ukraine first exploded on the international scene in 2014, I started to think about how we could help. My mentor at HOPE worldwide, Dr. Mark Ottenweller, would tell me frequently that after a disaster, whether man-made or natural, it is always the children who are left behind, not cared for, and who need the most help. Mark impressed upon me that the niche of HOPE worldwide was in helping children with their psycho-social needs post-disaster. So, when the conflict in Ukraine had not stopped by March 2015, I woke up one day with the following thought in my mind: “It is time”. Time to put to good use my skills as a lawyer, my experience as the International Relations Officer,  and my Ukrainian heritage and volunteer. So, I got in touch with my colleague at HOPE worldwide Ukraine, Vladimir Yermakov, and we brainstormed for a month, got input from some excellent people in our organization in Canada, the Philippines, and the USA, and created a Trauma Therapy program to help children in Ukraine who were suffering from war trauma. What drives me to help is knowing that when we help children, we help their future and ours.  ‎In June 2017, I visited Ukraine for HOPE worldwide Canada and went to a children’s recovery/therapy camp outside of Kyiv, the capital. We drove from Kyiv to Lviv to meet with the director of the Trauma Centre at the Ukrainian Catholic University since they trained our lead therapists and oversee the therapy program content. On our drive, we stopped at Dubno for a few hours and got to see the town where my father grew up and lived before, he was taken by the Nazis by train to Germany with all the able-bodied people from the town to work as slave labor during the War. That’s another reason why I am compelled to help the children of Ukraine as a volunteer – the people of my father’s generation did not have the chance to receive the kind of help we are able to provide.

Walk me down your own journey to faith and how has that changed you?

Well, I come from a mixed-faith background. My father is a Ukrainian Orthodox Christian and my mother is Jewish. She converted to my father’s religion when they were married so when I was young, I attended the Ukrainian church. The problem is that my parents got divorced when I was 5 years old, so I never really learned Ukrainian. Going to a Ukrainian language church was not cutting it for me. Also, because I came from a multi-generational divorce-affected family, I somehow knew that I needed God in my life if I was to have any chance of staying married. My mother also had a strong influence on me as her Christian faith grew over her life and she impressed on me the importance of being “equally yoked”, meaning it is important to be married to a Christian spouse. So, in my early thirties, at a time when I was looking to deepen and strengthen my relationship with God, I met Stuart Carmichael. He arranged for me to have a series of bible studies that led me to come to certain convictions about ‎God that changed my life around 180 degrees. Shortly after I placed membership with the Montreal Church of Christ, I was introduced to Sandra, and the rest is history! 

Has becoming a husband and father changed you as a person?

Sure! First, getting married was a dream come true – like heaven on earth! But of course, not without challenges over the years that we overcome through our faith and support from friends at church. I am lucky to have Sandra as my best friend and partner – she is such an accomplished person and she really keeps me and my girls on our toes! Becoming a father has also been a remarkable experience and journey. I guess these two events have changed me most as a person because you always have to think about other people, not just yourself, in particular, my wife and her thoughts and needs.  I still don’t have the winning formula for this! So, I’m fortunate that my girls and my wife are forgiving and put up with me!   

Give me some tips on how you handle your household finances?

I listen to my wife! Sandra is a very good manager of our resources and we live within our means. Sandra always looks for ways to optimize what we have. In the first few years of our marriage, we aggressively paid down debt (all mine from University and a private loan). Then we got rid of our mortgage in record time. This helped us get through some leaner years later on. My mother was also very frugal, having grown up in post-war England during food rationing. As a single mother in Canada, she used these skills and her entrepreneurial business acumen to keep our family clothed and fed. Growing up with this approach, it became easier to transition to marriage and family life and live within our means. Don’t get me wrong, it can still be a challenge to not give in to consumerism – my weakness would not be electronics or sports toys, but a nice new shirt and tie or some shoes! 

As a lawyer how do you balance faith finance family, volunteer work and good food?

Hmmm – I’m not sure whether being a lawyer makes it easier or harder to balance these different baskets! The charity work I do as a volunteer and as a legal professional probably helps me to be grounded and connected. It’s easier to connect emotionally with people about this side of my life and practice as opposed to another of my areas of specialty like trademark law. As a family, we try to find balance by living within our means so that financial pressures do not overwhelm faith, food, and family. My Granny always used to say, “Debt collectors can wait; but you must never scrimp on food to eat.” I also try to be connected with several guys in the church and have to work that into my obligations as a lawyer. Sometimes I invite friends from church to networking events to have a “wingman”. I am also mentoring a fellow from a church who wants to enter the legal profession. In addition, by working together on some volunteer projects for HOPE worldwide in Canada, I also get connected with people from church and others in the community. Volunteering is an area where the boundary between being a lawyer and Joe Christian is harder to discern. However, when I am doing something like flipping burgers at a community BBQ or giving backpacks to the kids at a Youth Academy program, Mr. Lawyer is not even in the room‎ – and I like that!

I really believe in the adage that “To whom much is given, much is expected”. So that is one reason why I have given countless volunteer hours over the years to local programs and international disaster recovery. As a lawyer, I am the black sheep of my family! My mother and sister are artists and my father was a musician. So, I have some artistic tendencies and that gets expressed mostly when I cook. I am also learning to play guitar and just started a year ago – it’s a good way to relax! The hours I work are longer, so it takes faith to be able to cut off the day and not worry about the work still left to be done -it will be there in the morning, but my family needs me in the evening.

Tell me a little about Ukrainian food and some of the dishes I should try?

Ukrainian food is simple, hearty, East European food, meant to fill you up so you can go out and do a hard day’s work. There are lots of stews, cabbage, and potatoes. Everyone knows about perogies and sausage. Try Chicken Kyiv one day! Or come over to my house and I’ll make you a traditional cabbage stew with sausages! If you want, we can break out my traditional Ukrainian cookbook and cook an entire Ukrainian-themed dinner, including beet soup (borshch) and beet salad. When I was in Ukraine, I tried “salo”, which is 100% cured pig fat, an inch thick – eat it like that with a pickle, onion, and a whole clove of raw garlic! It’s not for everyone, but I liked it and my friend Vladimir said, “now you are really Ukrainian!”

You have so much on your plate, why decide to go into politics?

Politics is something I was drawn to, probably for the same reason, I became a lawyer. I ran for Toronto City Council in 2014 and 2018. Sure, I have a lot on my plate, but I felt I could contribute to the community and bring good community programs, the same type that we learned to create in HOPE worldwide Canada, as the Youth Academy. At the same time, I saw a lot of waste and duplication in government and believed I could make a difference – after all, I was raised by a single mother who had survived the War!

Tell me a good lawyer joke.

People who know me – well they know that I can take a short joke and turn it into a 45-minute story! So, if you want to hear my best lawyer joke, you’ll have to come to my house to make that cabbage stew!

What’s the difference between God and a lawyer? God doesn’t think He’s a lawyer.

The post Volunteer: To Whom Much Is Given Much is expected appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Parenting is not easy.

Becoming a parent is one of the toughest things I have done in my life. It is also the most fulfilling thing I have done in my life. I am the father of a teenager. It does not come with a manual.  I have made many mistakes. I have also learned a lot of lessons.

Leanne Cabral, author of A Parent’s Best Gift, talks about parenting, parenting skills, parenting styles, and gives us unique parenting tips.

Leanne, please tell my audience a little about you?

I am a mother, author, speaker, and coach who loves to inspire and equip others to build a living legacy of faith by chasing after the things that matter most. I have a passion for equipping parents as they navigate the awesome task of passing faith on to their children. I encourage parents to make their invisible faith tangible so they can intentionally point their kids to Jesus and build a living legacy of enduring faith. I am married to James and a mom to four teens/emerging adults. I recently released my first book, A Parent’s Best Gift, which is available on Amazon.

Tell us about your book A Parent’s Best Gift?

The best gift we can give our kids is to live our lives in such a way that they know who Jesus is and understand His incredible love for them. While many understand this task, in theory, most of us struggle to practice applying this in everyday life. A Parent’s Best Gift reveals this process, equipping parents with tools and strategies that are simple, applicable, and absolutely doable. Discover freedom, direction, and intentionality as you begin to see this magnificent task broken down into manageable bitesize pieces. I truly believe we all want to be the parents God has called us to be and cultivate faith in our kids that takes root and grows.

Why did you write this book and tell me about your journey as a parent?

This book emerged out of my own quest to figure out a few things as a Mom. I knew that I would be held accountable for how I lived out my faith and pointed my kids to Jesus. I was desperate to find out how to do this in the chaos of everyday life. Questions like how do you make an invisible faith visible and tangible, or How do I teach my kids to pray and to hear God’s voice… drove me. This sent me on quite a journey out of which a 10-talk series emerged as well as a book. What I learned on the journey was that as parents, we are all hungry for the same information… whether you come from a legacy of faith or you are a first-generation believer, we desperately want to be the parents God has called us to be, we just don’t always know-how. This book is about the obstacles that entangled me as the Lord began to deal with my own warped views of Him and myself and then moves into how to get started to create the legacy of faith that you want to build. The last part of the book which is the largest is a practical guide on how to cultivate specific areas of spiritual development within your family, like prayer or hear God, in the chaos of everyday life. I wrote the book I desperately wanted but couldn’t find it.

You call parenting the toughest assignment why?

I call it a sacred assignment, our main thing. With all the good things calling our name we often get distracted and clouded by lesser things and we respond to the tyranny of the urgent instead of intentionally doing the things we actually value most.

Define intentional parenting?

Most of us in parenting are reactive. We respond to the things that come our way … the things that appear urgent but may not actually be. An intentional parent is proactive, knowing what they value and what they want to focus on and cultivate within their family. They have created a family mission statement so that they are very clear on what they stand for as a family and what they want to be known for. They weigh every opportunity against their mission statement so that they can weed out all the good things calling their name and focus on the great things for their family. They create a plan and carve out time to implement what they value.

Give me four practical tips to be a great parent?

Pray

Create a Family Mission Statement. Figure out what you really value as a family – what you want to be known for so you can make your best decisions

Be present … put the distractions down (phone, computer, TV)

Start date nights with your kids where you spend at least one hour of uninterrupted time alone with one child.

I have a 16-year-old. Should I be a father to her or a friend? What are the difference and the result?

Your primary role is to model Jesus to her in your own life and point her to Him. Love and prayer are our most valuable tools.

How is food, faith, finance, and family connected?

They are all ingredients needed for a healthy family and healthy relationships – they need to be stewarded well.

Food – What you put in your body matters, the healthier the food, the healthier the body.

Faith – It is the main thing… none of the others matter if this one isn’t a priority. All the rest will flow out of this.

Finances – We must start from the place of knowing that all we have comes from God, we are simply given the task of stewarding it well.

Family – This is where all the magic happens. It is where faith is lived out in the majesty and in the messiness of life. This is what matters most… how we steward the kids entrusted to us and how we point them to Jesus. It’s in the seemingly mundane and ordinary where faith and faithfulness are cultivated. It’s our primary mission field.

How do you find a balance with the above in this busy world?

We have chosen to intentionally live life at a slower pace for that exact reason… So, we have enough time and margin to focus on what really matters to us and our family. In a world that moves so quickly, we live a slowed-down life where there is room for our soul to breathe and respond to the stirrings of the Holy Spirit.

The post Secrets to Successful Parenting appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Single parenting, co-parenting, helicopter parenting, authoritative parenting, controlling parenting, and permissive parenting are the different styles of parenting.

If you think you have arrived in life, try getting married. A spouse is like a mirror, a lot of your faults get exposed. If after marriage you still think you have arrived in life, try having a kid, and become a parent.

Parenting is one of the most challenging things I have done in my life, and also the most rewarding. It requires unconditional love, being unselfish, investing emotions, energy, time, feelings, and lots of forgiveness.

Betsy Kerekes is the author of Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying and coauthor of 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage and 101 Tips for Marrying the Right Person. Her professional experience includes public relations for Franciscan University of Steubenville, proofreading for Patrick Madrid’s Envoy magazine, and contributing to Aleteia, MercatorNet, Catholic Lane, Catholic Exchange, CatholicMom.com, The Southern Cross, and Creative Minority Report. Kerekes serves as editor and director of online publications at the Ruth Institute, where she writes weekly newsletters and manages the blog. She telecommutes from her home near San Diego, where she homeschools her four children and blogs about her parenting adventures.

Betsy offers her Top Ten Parenting Tips from her book Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying

One

There are as many different ways to parent as there are parents. You do what works for you, and don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. And by all means, don’t compare your child to others. A mom who had a baby around the same time as I had my first made a comment about teething. I mentioned that my daughter had four teeth coming in at once, only because I thought it unusual. The other mom seemed upset by this news and got defensive — over teeth, as though the rate at which children sprout teeth somehow determines who will go to a community college and who will go to Harvard. Don’t stress over supposed milestones or how your kid measures up. Do your best, and don’t worry about the rest.

Two

Because parenting is hard, cruddy stuff is going to happen. It just comes with the territory. Taking a deep breath and moving on after an unfortunate incident will help you maintain a happier demeanor, inside and out, especially when it comes to things you have no control over. Some days your children are just going to be fussy like they’re taking turns or have it scheduled on a secret calendar. Keeping a sense of humor helps. Once I asked a friend how her kids were. She responded: “For sale.”

Three

No sane person thinks parenting is easy, but focusing on the blessings in your life, even if your house is a mess or the laundry is piling up, is the antidote to the parenting pits. Clearly, your kids don’t mind those messes since they enjoy making them, and rolling around in a pile of unfolded laundry is the rainy-day equivalent of jumping in a pile of leaves. Why deprive your children of that joy? Instead, maintain an attitude of gratitude by focusing on the positive. Your children have enough clothes that they can get dirty. The dishes stacked in the sink prove that you have ample food for your family. Ice cream exists. And the list goes on and on.

Four

If you’re a perfectionist, having children may be particularly difficult, especially if you’re the type who tries to maintain a spotless home. You can be happier if you adopt this principle: Let it go. Embroider it on a pillow if necessary. Here’s a scenario: after breakfast, the floor under your table looks like the leftovers at the carnival in Charlotte’s Web. You want to sweep it immediately, but you’re unable because you’re wrangling tiny people all day. Lunch happens, and now the floor looks like the streets of New Orleans after Mardi Gras. You want to pull your hair out, but you still haven’t found time to clean. The solution? Make like Elsa and let it go. I don’t mean go a week without sweeping under the table. If mice move in to clean up the mess for you, well, that could be a win or a loss. The floor is getting clean, but if those mice start building temples to their gods complete with statues made from food scraps that impressively resemble your children, you may have a problem. Get out the broom and destroy a civilization. But for those everyday things that put the perfectionist in you on high alert, remember that the world won’t end and your house won’t fall down around you if you don’t get to it right away. Take a deep breath, do what you can, when you can, and don’t stress over it unnecessarily. I saw a meme that said: “Once you stop caring that the Play-Doh colors are mixed together, the second part of your life begins.” I totally get that. It took four kids, but I’ve finally arrived.

Five

Keep your negative reactions in check. Imagine you’re potty training your child. (Did you just shudder? My apologies.) Now imagine you take your child to the potty, but she doesn’t want to go. You try again later and still nothing. You ask her if she needs to go. She insists she doesn’t. Next thing you know, her pants are wet. You, frustrated by the whole experience, kind of lose it. “Look what you did! You wet your pants! I tried to get you to go on the potty. I sat you down, you said you didn’t need to go. Then I asked again, and you still said no. One minute later you’ve wet yourself. Now I have to wash you up and find clean clothes and…” etc. Unbeknownst to you, this reaction is teaching your child to lie in order to avoid seeing you angry or be yelled at. You can express disappointment, sure, but remain calm and patient. You want your child to feel safe coming to you with the truth when she ran a purple marker across the back of the white couch or when he threw a ball indoors and knocked over a lamp. If such incidents happen and you fly off the handle, don’t be surprised when you’re met with tight lips after asking who swirled a magnet across the computer screen.

Six

Related: Model not making a mountain out of a molehill. When my kids hurt themselves, I’m kind of like, “meh.” Yes, I’ll tend to the wound, but I won’t make a bigger deal out of it than it warrants. When I was a school secretary, kids would sometimes come to me asking for a Band-aid for some microscopic cut. When I couldn’t see anything, they’d squeeze until the tiniest drop of blood was visible. My favorite kids were the ones who came to the office with blood I could see from several feet away. I’d say, “Whoa, let me get you a Band-aid,” but they’d be like, “Nah, I’m just going to slap a paper towel across it and head back out.” Those kids were all from the same hardy family of goat owners. I loved them. The kids, not the goats. Maybe both. Baby goats are kids, so I guess both. These children didn’t try to make a huge fuss in order to get attention. They dealt with the problem simply and moved on. They were tough, and that’s an attitude that will get them far in life. I recommend encouraging that in your kids, goat, or human. For the more sensitive children, you can always point out that each passing moment gets the owie closer to being healed. You can also remind them that tomorrow they’ll feel so much better (or by bedtime, or in like one minute, depending).

Seven

Younger kids might be bothered that they can’t do the same things as their older siblings, like check the bear traps or drive the Batmobile. At a playground, a little girl was crying because she couldn’t swing across the monkey bars like her big brother. The mom assured the girl that her brother was able because he’d done it more times. “Practice makes progress,” she said. I found that interesting. We can’t promise our kids they’ll become perfect at something, even with lots and lots of practice. No one is perfect at everything, despite what you see on Pinterest boards. By using the word “progress,” this mom helped her daughter realize that though she may not be great at something now, she can improve with repeated effort. The less obvious message is that the popular trope of “you can be anything you want if you just try hard enough” is false. Despite this “good parenting” mantra of our modern culture, not everyone who wants to can become a Nobel prize winner, or an astronaut, or Adele. If your kids discover their big fabulous dream isn’t coming true, it’s an opportunity to point out that God might not mean for them to cure a common cold, build a better mousetrap, invent a new ice cream flavor, save an endangered species, and all those things on the Game of Life “Life Tiles.” Of course, you should encourage your kids to reach reasonable goals, but remind them that if things don’t seem to be working out, it may be because God has another, a better plan that will take prayer and time to figure out.

Eight

Sharing is good, but don’t force it. Even though “don’t forget to share” is a common parental phrase, we shouldn’t make our kids give up a toy or the swing for someone else all the time. Sharing is no doubt important, but only when the child does so from his own initiative. We can model sharing by doing so ourselves and then encouraging our kids to follow suit by pointing out how sharing has made another person happy. For them, you could say, “How nice of you to let the other boy play with your ball. See how happy you made him? Thank you for sharing.” However, sharing isn’t always appropriate. What if your child wasn’t finished on the swing? Instead, offer him advanced notice that soon it will be someone else’s turn. “Five more minutes on the swing then let someone else have a go.” Another option is playing together. “How about you kick the ball back and forth to each other?” rather than making your child give up his toy entirely. Being nice is one thing, but we don’t want our children to feel like sharing is a punishment when they haven’t done anything wrong.

Nine

Strive to make family dinner the norm. Being together strengthens the familial bond, builds positive relationships among siblings, and generally keeps teenagers out of the usual teenagery troubles. Younger kids learn new vocabulary words (for good or bad) and proper table manners. Everyone is more apt to eat healthily and therefore be healthy, and you’ll have a better idea of what’s going on in your kids’ lives. To get the ball rolling, you can play the high/low game where each person names the best and worst part of their day: “We bought a new carton of ice cream! That carton is now empty.” It’s a great way to find out what drives and motivates your kids.

Ten

You might think you’ll be truly happy if you could just have a girl, a boy, your dream home, a new car, a better job, or an ice cream shop to open up within walking distance. Perhaps you feel you’ll be happier when the kids are older and easier, or when they’re no longer teenagers, or when you have an empty nest, or when you can finally retire. But if you continue thinking that way — waiting for that next thing that you’re sure will make you happy — you’ll never be happy. Instead, find the joy in your life as a parent today.

The post Top Ten Parenting Tips appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

In a world often dominated by self-interest and noise, it’s refreshing to meet someone whose heart beats for the poor, the marginalized, and the unseen. Rochelle is one such voice. At just 24, she’s already traveled across continents to help build homes, support communities affected by HIV, and raise awareness about mental health. Passionate, compassionate, and grounded in her Christian faith, Rochelle is currently pursuing her master’s degree with a laser focus on poverty alleviation.

Born to a Tamil mother from Sri Lanka and an English father from the UK, Rochelle brings a unique and vibrant cultural perspective to everything she does. She’s a musician, a speaker, a budding songwriter, and a relentless advocate for those in need — both across the globe and in her own backyard.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Rochelle for my blog series on Millennials making a difference. What follows is a raw and inspiring conversation about what drives her, what she’s learned, and what gives her hope.

Let’s dive in.

Rochelle, thanks for being willing to be interviewed on my blog regarding Millennials. Please tell my audience a little about you.

My name is Rochelle and I am 24 years old. I am half Tamil (my mom is from Karampon, Kayts, Sri Lanka) and half English (my dad is from Southampton, England). I am the youngest of four siblings; I have three older brothers. I am a Christian; my hope and my identity are found in Jesus Christ. I love to travel, learn languages, volunteer to reduce poverty, learn about different cultures, play sports, and play music.

What is so exciting about you that I need to know?

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had a passion for poverty alleviation. I would always see commercials on television of kids in Africa asking for help. Growing up, my family sponsored a girl in Zambia named Sharon. In grade 7, my class speech was on the genocide in Darfur, Sudan. I held a school fundraiser to raise money for the victims of the war. We kept an empty water jug near the school kitchen where people could spare their change after purchasing milk cartons. The fundraiser was called ‘Change for Change’.

In 2011, I had a burning desire to go to Africa and see things for myself. My parents told me “you can only go if you pay for the trip yourself”. In other words, they thought it wouldn’t happen since I didn’t have a source of income. And so, I got a little creative….and held a fundraiser dance. I rented out a banquet hall and my friends and I invited everyone we knew. Tickets were sold for $10 each. I raised enough money to travel to Kenya with my brother, Nick.

We registered with ‘International Volunteer Head Quarters’, a global organization that connects volunteers with local organizations to reduce poverty. They connected us to an organization called ‘the Fadhili Community’ in Kibera, Kenya. Kibera is one of the largest slums in Africa. We were volunteers in an HIV program. We visited many people living with HIV; we listened as they shared their stories and we supported them. One of our tasks was to pack maize and beans into bags to deliver to them. Many of these individuals could not support themselves; they relied on the food that the Fadhili Community gave them. It really broke my heart to hear their poverty stories and witness the struggles they endured.

In 2013, I helped build a house for a family in Santa Fe, Argentina with an organization called “Un Techo para mi País” which translates to “A Roof for my Country”.

My passion for poverty alleviation remains and I plan to continue looking for ways to make a sustainable impact in the lives of those who are less fortunate.

Talk to me about your passion for music.

I started playing the piano when I was about 7. I took the classical route – I completed the Grade 8 Royal Conservatory of Music. In 2011, I started playing the keyboard in my church band (Warden Full Gospel Assembly). This got me interested in contemporary piano. I started taking contemporary lessons and began songwriting. I wrote a couple of songs but never considered myself a ‘songwriter’.

Years later, I started singing my song at work and my coworker showed interest in my music. He lent me his iRig and showed me how to use GarageBand. Together, we produced the song entitled ‘Hope Song’.

The first step to becoming a songwriter is to call yourself a songwriter. Recently I brought a guitar and plan to learn how to play. Learning the basics has given me a greater appreciation for guitarists, to say the least.

Help me understand your experience growing up as a mixed-race kid?

Although I am familiar with my background and cultural traditions, I am not as in tune as I would like to be. All my cousins on my mom’s side can speak Tamil except for us, mixed kids.

Growing up, I definitely missed out on a lot of jokes, especially at family parties – there have been so many moments where my mom, cousins, aunts, and uncles would laugh hysterically and I would have to wait for someone to clue me in. But let me tell you, jokes are usually not as funny when they are translated into English and explained.

I am beginning to learn Tamil, whereas my cousins are practically fluent. Recently, I took an introductory Tamil course. I learned how to write the letters of the alphabet, how to pronounce them, and how to write at a very basic level. What I realized is that Tamil is a language you learn at home – not by studying. If you don’t learn Tamil from your parents while growing up, it is very difficult to learn. Why? Because it is hard to find a textbook or app that can clearly explain the rules of the language. There’s no Rosetta Stone for Tamil, no Duolingo for Tamil, and no grammar books that I have found. Lately, my mom has been teaching me. My mom will say something in Tamil and write it down for me in Tamil, that way I can save it for later and memorize it on my own.

I have not been to Sri Lanka, but I’ve been to England a few times…. Beer, football, Coronation Street, a cup of tea, pinch and a punch, and attempting to put on a British accent …. That’s my British side in a nutshell

I want to know about your passion for mental health.

I am really passionate about mental health. I give talks on mental health at high schools and universities in the GTA through an organization called ‘Jack.org’. I think it is difficult for our generation to be vulnerable and open with each other… a lot of times I feel people wear a mask, hiding their thoughts and feelings.

Nowadays, 1 in 4 people suffer from mental illness…

Mental illnesses are often not visible and many of us have friends that suffer from mental illnesses yet we don’t even know it. One thing I find is that people minimize mental illnesses – assuming what it’s like or what it feels like … thinking their experience is not so bad…this is detrimental for those who are suffering will not feel understood and those supporting will not support effectively.

Never judge, always listen, don’t offer advice, be available, ask the hard questions, follow up and ask how they’re doing, and don’t share your story when they’re sharing theirs because they are not equivalent

What are some things that previous generations missed out on?

Technology and social media.

The fact that we can effortlessly deposit a cheque, order food, get an Uber, or pay for something using Apple wallet…. Phones have basically made us lazy and efficient at the same time. The fact that our credit card details are saved on our phones results in spending more money. Fact that I can message someone on Facebook that I haven’t seen in 10 years, or view someone’s Instagram story to know what they’re up to. When was the last time you called someone? We rather send a text than make a phone call. We don’t remember anyone’s phone number anymore; we wouldn’t remember anyone’s birthday if it wasn’t for Facebook. We can google absolutely anything – and our phones are basically always attached to us – so we basically are know-it-alls… except we choose to google the silliest things and waste 4 hours a day on our phones according to the ‘screen time’ app.

Tell me a good joke.

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

The post Poverty Alleviation: The Future Muhammad Yunus appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.