Being intentional is about taking responsibility, becoming focused, and targeting things that are important to you. In order to become intentional daily, you have to be clear about what you want to achieve and have a framework for how you are going to achieve it. It is about moving your life in a positive direction, making progress. Being intentional helps you be present, provides you with discipline, focus, mission, vision, framework, and a positive frame of mind.

Daily, be meticulous about your day, be crystal clear on the result, be determined, and practice time management, focus on what is important to you: friends, family, relationships, your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial health.

Brenda runs Ruby Hem Ministries. Brenda is real, vulnerable, and shares openly what she has faced and been through. We chat about how she has processed her experience, being intentional, and how she went about it.

Brenda, I am blown away by what you have experienced after reading your blog. Please share with my audience what you have been through.

I’m a Christian who’s found a true friend in God after having gone through a whole lot in my life, including:

Childhood trauma: I suffered from narcissistic parents who had no love for one another, so they couldn’t possibly offer me the close parental bond that children need. Instead, I would be punished with a leather belt and forced to eat certain foods if I dared step out of line. I was also expected to be the perfect child – the one who got good grades and did what I was told immediately, no questions asked

A sexually and verbally abusive ex who also forced me to work on cam and phone lines in the adult industry.

I was sucked into the occult where I worked reading Tarot cards for money.

As if these weren’t bad enough, I was also robbed at knifepoint one night; have been through several traumatic car accidents (e.g. spinning out during a snowstorm in front of an 18 wheeler; breaking my collar bone when we got into a car accident in a blizzard, and spinning around 3 times after being hit by a car and having Tokata airbags).

Walk me through how you overcame these challenges? Was there a process and do we really ever get over it?

I believe I’m still going through the process. It’s going to look different for every person. For me, after discovering that 40 years of avoiding the issues hasn’t helped me at all, I’ve finally found a Christian therapist who’s been able to shed some light on my life. I don’t think that I’ll ever get over everything. However, I do strive to be a better person each and every day. I think that’s a goal everyone should have regardless of whether or not you have mental health issues. Therapy will definitely play a major role here. Journaling also helps me some. I’m still looking to plug in other things to help along the way.

We can trust in God, read our bible, and pray about it. But we have to deal with issues and be intentional. I am sure it is a painful journey. Pls comment?

Right, I’m definitely not saying to not be intentional. In fact, this is something that many churches say. “Oh God will heal you.” “Oh just strengthen your faith.” Stuff like this doesn’t do anyone any good, especially those of us who’ve been through things that are of no fault of our own – which is what PTSD is. If I could be mind over matter and be healed, I’d love for that moment to happen. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in miracles but I also believe they happen in God’s timing. Until then I embrace myself as the person that I am and intentionally work with my therapist to become a better, more healed person.

Talk to me about kindness and how we can change the world by being kind?

Kindness is something anyone can choose to offer to the people around them. There’s a saying, “It only takes a spark to light a flame.” This is something that we see time and time again when people choose to pay the bill for another person, then that other person turns around and pays someone else’s bill and it continues down the line. There are so many ways in which you can be kind (hold a door, let another car out in front of you, do volunteer work) but whatever it is I believe you have to do it and encourage you to do so. At the end of the day we’re all human, why not make this journey through life a little nicer for each other.

You talk a lot about mental health. Why is it important to maintain our mental health?

Mental health is just as important as physical health but a lot of people don’t realize this. One example of this is people who are diagnosed with PTSD and leave it untreated oftentimes find themselves having other issues. For instance, in my case, my entire endocrine system has failed. However, I know a lot of others who have PTSD and have other health issues as well – chronic pain being quite common. This is why you need to take care of your mental health, it encompasses all other aspects of your health.

In your blog, you say get right with God and live for him. Please explain?

According to Romans 3:23, all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. This means we’re deserving of eternal death and damnation BUT (Praise be to God) Christ died for us. Fortunately in Romans 10:9-10 all we have to do is ask for forgiveness, confess that Jesus is Lord, be baptized, and start living for Him. We are then no longer judged and are given eternal life.

What could Christians do in times of COVID?

Christians shouldn’t sit by and idly watch as the world around them suffers. Go out and get involved in helping your community – this could be volunteering at an organization or something simple like paying for the car behind you in the drive-through or holding the door for someone. Don’t be afraid to say hi and be kind to people, we have a hope that non-Christians don’t understand: We’re saved and believe we’re going to Heaven.

The post Be Intentional In Dealing With Issues appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is psychotherapy?

Talk therapy, also called psychotherapy, is used to help people deal with challenges in life, emotional difficulties, and mental illness. Psychotherapy helps a person to make their life better through introspection and healing.

If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it. – Russell Wilson

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road. – Unknown

Anything human is mentionable, and anything mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. – Fred Rogers

The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about. – Unknown

Introduction

I got the most horrifying text of my life. A very close friend of mine, since college, passed away on Tuesday, early morning.

It is not possible. We just spoke on Monday morning. We were going to have lunch on Thursday. I was teasing him about being the king of Facebook. Also, since his dad was 90, I told him that he would probably outlive all of us and therefore attend my funeral.

After that, on a cold day in March, here I was at the funeral home facing his cold, lifeless body. In addition, a thousand memories since we were teenagers kept flashing across my mind.

The same year in April, a young gentleman drove a van across a street where I had lived for more than a decade, killing 10 people and injuring 16.

Similarly, in July as I was heading to the Danforth for a meeting, another male shot and killed 2 people and injured 13 at a nearby restaurant.

Three incidents in less than six months hit home. Why? Could any of the above situations be avoided?

Life happens

My close friend had issues from a young age. It tormented him. Over the years, I begged him, pleaded with him to get help. In 2015, he lost his job and disappeared. I finally got hold of him six months later and he was putting up a front. In 2017, I took him out for lunch for his birthday. Little did I realize that would be the last time I would be seeing him. We spoke throughout the summer, about his marriage, his parenting and how he felt about living in the basement of his parents’ home.

Above all, unemployed, separated from his wife, alone, lonely, feeling rejected, drugs and booze became his best friends. What stopped him from getting help? Did he not realize the hurt he was causing those close to him and especially his kids?  How come he did not know his limits and boundaries? Why did he not seek psychotherapy?

What is masculinity?

As I think about my friend and the other two men, involved in the killings, I am forced to ask myself, why do men not get help? Is it a sign of weakness? Is it considered macho to just suck up and deal with your issues through drugs, porn and substance abuse? Is this masculinity?

Or is masculinity dealing with our issues head-on, accepting responsibility for where you are in life, being grateful, forgiving and getting help?

I wish the three men would have got help. They could have avoided so much pain for themselves and those around them.

Advantages of getting help

When you go to see a psychotherapist, you get feedback on what you are going through from an objective perspective. Here is a trained third-party individual who listens, gives you feedback on what you are going through.

The second advantage is that you get to deal with your negative past. The therapist might ask you to write down your hurts, resentments, bitterness issues, challenges or just he/she will listen.

The third advantage is that it allows you to get in touch with reality. When you are doing drugs, booze, porn, and sleeping around, these are helping you to escape reality.

The fourth advantage is that you end up in better mental and physical health.

The fifth advantage is that it allows you to get to the root cause of your problems. The therapist gives you healthy coping mechanisms.

The final advantage is that you learn to take it easy on yourself and finally no one is judging you at the clinic. They are all encouraged that you have the courage and guts to deal with your issues.

I challenge you that if you are facing issues no matter what go ahead and get professional help.

The post Get Help: See A Psychotherapist appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.