Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, humility, authenticity, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.

These qualities are valued because they contribute positively to interpersonal relationships and society. They foster environments where understanding, cooperation, and harmony are more likely to flourish. Cultivating these traits can lead to a more peaceful and productive coexistence, and indeed, there are no laws against such virtues because they universally promote social good. They transcend cultural and legal boundaries, highlighting a shared human aspiration towards a kinder and more compassionate society.

Over the next few weeks, I will focus on these universal qualities and see how they can empower us to be better human beings.

Quotes about Joy

Joy is not in things; it is in us. —Richard Wagner

Some give with joy, and that joy is their reward. —Khalil Gibran

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are. —Marianne Williamson

What is Joy

It is a positive emotional state characterized by happiness, contentment, and fulfillment. It is considered one of the most profound and uplifting emotions humans can experience. It can arise from various sources such as achieving a personal goal, experiencing something beautiful or amusing, connecting deeply with others, or even internal reflections and achievements.

Unlike fleeting pleasures, joy often has a more enduring and deeply satisfying quality. It can also be contagious, enhancing the well-being of others around the joyful individual. In psychological terms, experiencing joy can have numerous benefits, including reducing stress, improving immune function, and enhancing overall life satisfaction.

Difference Between Joy and Happiness

Happiness and joy are positive emotions that contribute to our overall well-being but often differ in their sources, duration, and depth.

Happiness is generally considered a broader, more enduring state often linked to circumstances, external factors, and achieving personal or societal goals. It can result from experiencing regular positive emotions, maintaining satisfying relationships, and personal fulfillment. Happiness is often described in the context of life satisfaction, feeling good, and having one’s desires met.

Joy is usually described as a more intense, but often brief, burst of emotion prompted by an exceptionally positive event or experience.  It can be felt during moments of achievement, spiritual experiences, or while engaging in activities that deeply fulfill. It is associated with a sense of profound gratitude or connection, sometimes to a degree that transcends personal circumstances.

In essence, while happiness can be understood as a more consistent state or an overarching quality of life, joy is more about sudden, intense peaks of positive emotion. It can be a component of happiness, but it can also arise independently of one’s general state of happiness.

Why is Joy Important

Joy is a profound aspect of human experience that plays several crucial roles in our lives. It helps to counterbalance the stress and challenges of everyday life. Experiencing moments of happiness or joy can provide a necessary break from the negative emotions that can otherwise overwhelm us. It has been linked to various physical health benefits. These include reduced stress hormones, lower blood pressure, improved immune function, and potentially even longer lifespan.

Joyful states promote relaxation and can help mitigate the effects of stress on the body.  These social connections are vital for emotional support and can provide a sense of belonging and community. Joy contributes positively to mental health by enhancing resilience. It enables people to recover more quickly from setbacks and reduces the risk of conditions such as depression and anxiety.

It enriches life’s experiences, providing immediate pleasures and long-term benefits to our well-being. This makes cultivating it an important endeavor in one’s life journey.

How to use it to impact the community around you

Joy not only enhances our own lives but can also profoundly impact others and the broader community.

It is contagious. Maintaining a joyful demeanor can lift the spirits of those around you. This positive energy can increase morale and motivation, encouraging others to act kindly and compassionately.

Joyful interactions create bonds between people. Sharing your happiness encourages social connections and builds empathetic and supportive communities. These networks can become platforms for collective action on social issues.

Being joyful even in challenging times can inspire resilience in others. Your example can teach people that despite difficulties, finding moments of happiness can provide the strength needed to persevere and overcome obstacles.

Art and culture are powerful expressions of joy that can raise awareness, change perspectives, and inspire action. Through music, painting, writing, or dancing, creating art that expresses joy can touch hearts and mobilize change.

The connection between joy and spirituality

Joy and spirituality are deeply intertwined, with each element enriching the other.

Spirituality is a direct source of joy. Spiritual practices and beliefs can provide a sense of purpose, connection, and understanding that contributes to well-being and happiness. Whether meditation, prayer, rituals, or community worship, these practices can elevate one’s mood and bring about a joyful state of being.

Spirituality often offers tools and perspectives that help individuals cope with life’s challenges. Spiritual beliefs can provide comfort, hope, and stability when facing difficulties. This resilience contributes to a sustained sense of joy, even in less-than-joyful circumstances, by offering a broader perspective on life’s ups and downs.

Spirituality often encourages the pursuit of inner peace and contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. This inner serenity is a crucial aspect of joy that is more steady and enduring than the fleeting happiness derived from material or superficial sources.

Spiritual paths often emphasize personal growth and transformation. Becoming more self-aware and developing virtues such as compassion, patience, and gratitude can lead to profound joy. This is often described as a deeper, more fulfilling type of happiness compared to more superficial pleasures.

Joy from a Biblical perspective

The post Joy appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Praneet Kaur is a successful recruitment consultant who talks about leaving an abusive marriage and building a life for herself. I admire her for her tenacity, her will, fortitude to rise and create a successful career. Praneet Kaur shows us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Her story is about overcoming and facing challenges.

If you find yourself in an abusive marriage or relationship you must prioritize your safety and well-being. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or your local domestic violence hotline. Have a safety plan in place. Identify safe spaces in your home and develop an exit strategy. Confide in someone you trust – a friend, family member, or coworker. Share your experiences to build a support network. Contact a local domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide guidance, resources, and support. Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, explore options, and develop coping strategies. Consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options, especially if you are considering divorce or separation. Keep records of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. Document injuries with photographs and seek medical attention if needed. If possible, work towards financial independence or secure access to funds. Open a separate bank account and ensure you have access to important financial documents. Plan for a safe exit if you decide to leave. This may involve seeking temporary shelter or staying with a friend or family member. Pack a bag with essential items, including important documents, medication, and personal items. Investigate legal protections available, such as obtaining a restraining order or order of protection. Educate yourself about domestic violence laws in your area. Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions. Stay in touch with friends and family, and let them know about your situation. They can be a crucial support system. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek activities that bring you joy and provide a healthy outlet for stress.

I sit down and have a chat with Praneet about her journey. I have learned a lot about overcoming challenges from Praneet Kaur.

Praneet Kaur, It was a pleasure to connect with you a while back. Welcome to my blog and let’s start by you telling my audience something about you.

Jerry, thank you for allowing me to share my experiences and thoughts. Thank you for thinking of me!

I am single and a proud mother to a beautiful 3-year-old girl. She is at the center of everything I do and is my strength in everything thick and thin. I am a recruiter by profession and in my free time, I love to indulge in different forms of art such as painting, dancing, and embroidery. I am a foodie and a believer in superheroes, magic, and fairy tales.

Walk me through the life experience that has helped shape your present.

I am from India and come from a simple family. I moved to Canada a decade ago to pursue my MBA. After graduation and a few years of work, I moved back to India to spend time with my family. During my time in India, through a close relative’s suggestion, I got married within a short time. My husband worked in the US and after marriage, I moved to the US on a dependent visa. Like most people, I wasn’t ready for the unexpected sequence of events, let alone figuring out how to deal with it. The trauma and anxiety I endured influenced my outlook towards life to a great extent but it only made me stronger and more determined.

Three years ago, during the early hours of March 5th, I held my two-week-old daughter in my arms as cops walked around in my house. They had my husband in custody and were cross-examining me, my mother, and my mother-in-law. The previous night, you must know that I was a victim of another incident of domestic violence. This wasn’t the first time I was abused, as it occurred at regular intervals since my marriage in 2015. I had hoped things would change after the birth of our child. Talk about living in hope only to see it shattered time and again! I picked myself up each time life threw me down, hoping that a new day would bring a new ray of hope.

After the cross-examination and answering a series of uncomfortable questions, I looked around to see the four walls of the place that I once called home, quickly disappear. The police suggested I find another place to keep me and my baby safe. There I was then, staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell with no job, a broken marriage, a baby without a father, and no place to go to. A relative of mine who I wasn’t very close to came to my rescue. They took me under their wings and I lived with them for a month before moving to Canada.

It’s been a little over three years since that day and I am thankful to my family, relatives, and close friends who stood by me. Although divorced, I am now free, independent, and enjoy life to the fullest. And so does my daughter. I work for an amazing organization, and have great colleagues, and I continue to invest in my professional and personal development by studying part-time, learning salsa, and just appreciating each day as it comes. It’s been a humbling experience and it keeps me grounded in life. I chose to look at the tumultuous experiences as a stepping stone to achieving better outcomes in life.

Motherhood is huge. Praneet Kaur, help me understand how motherhood has impacted your life.

Motherhood has been a wonderful journey and the most gratifying experience. It is often inexplicable as it takes you through a mix of emotions. My daughter, undoubtedly, is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to work harder and be happier. From the ultrasound trips to her stretching and from her incessant hiccups in my womb to the first time I held her, this kid has helped me be strong and confident. There’s hardly a hurdle I can’t overcome with my daughter by my side. She completes me in all aspects!

I resonate with the adage, “Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” I wish to make everything beautiful and happy for her and give her the life any kid deserves. She gives me the strength to fight the rigmarole of life and I find it easier to find inner peace in her company when things go awry. Motherhood has taught me to be patient and resilient. We laugh and cry together like there’s no tomorrow. While she takes her tiny steps each day, she’s helped me to make my tiny steps towards a better and more peaceful life.

What does female empowerment mean to you as a modern-day woman?

Female empowerment is the ability to make life-determining decisions through different problems in society. My experiences more than anything else have helped me understand this in its truest sense. Today, I stand strong, confident, and independent. I’ve taken charge of my life and I am proud as it gives me the power and the ability to instill the same qualities and capabilities in my daughter. In simple terms, female empowerment is giving women the right to live life just as men do. It means to create a society, where women have the opportunity and resources to live life with a sense of dignity and self-worth and with equal access to resources, rights, and status.

Female empowerment is not something you give but rather something you share with women without any conditions or restrictions. It’s not about what women can do, or what we decide they can wear and whom they choose to be friends with; decided often by other people in certain cultures. It’s about how we enable them to choose their journey that reflects their preferences and individuality. Reflecting on my own experiences, female empowerment starts at home and extends into the broader society.

Talk to me about your passion for recruitment.

I know what it is to incur huge debts with no sight of a job on the horizon. It can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities. I recall how this one person, who coincidentally happened to be my junior in college, helped me find my first job. We had never met but I give credit to his relentless efforts in coaching me and helping me prepare for the interview, which eventually helped me amazingly secure my first job. The ability to connect people with their dream job ignites my passion and purpose in life. If I can’t find them a dream job today, I endeavor to keep in touch or act as a coach and talk them through a gloomy day. All it takes are words of encouragement and that’s all that some people might need to not give up.

It gives me immense pleasure when I am successful in assisting new immigrants and graduates to get back on their feet in a fiercely competitive and sometimes brutal economy. I love recruitment for the intrinsic satisfaction it provides especially when I see people do well in the jobs I have placed them in. And, frankly, they return the favor with countless blessings and good wishes – you can never have enough of that!

How can immigrants become successful in Toronto like Praneet Kaur?

To new immigrants, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Network – Connect with as many professionals as you can over LinkedIn or any other way that you are comfortable with. Connect for suggestions and ideas – not for a job to start with. They might not become your employers but could connect you with someone who might become your future employer.
2. Integrate – Adapt the diverse Canadian culture and explore the various bridging programs. In class, education is the best way to meet people in the industry. Volunteering for different programs not only allows you to network but also allows you to give back to society.
3. Patience – Know that the pain is temporary and don’t give up, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no one else will. Finding a job is a job in itself. It takes time, a lot of work, and some amount of luck! Never say never and don’t lose hope. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

How is food, faith, finance, and family important to you, and how do you find balance?

My family is the most important and everything else falls in place by itself. My family has given me the confidence to stand strong. Everyone has different priorities and the way we find our balance is unique to our situations. The key is to understand where your priorities lie.

The post Praneet Kaur: Leaving an Abusive Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation. It is savoring; it is not taking things for granted; it is present-oriented – Sonja Lyubomirsky

Prologue

On a cold day in January 2016, I am flying to London, UK, to get trained for two weeks for a dream job. The same year, one of my closest friends, Bill McLean, died of cancer. I was like 2017 better be good. In November 2017, a high school classmate died of a heart attack. In February 2018, I was talking to one of my closest friends from university, and that same night, he passed away. His death hit me hard. It took me a good six months to recover. 2019 was going well. I had great plans for 2020. In one week in December 2019, I was laid off from a start-up, Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, and my mom’s health was deteriorating. In March 2020, the day I was going to get a job offer, the COVID quarantine hit. Talk about a perfect storm.

My parents, friends, and work colleagues were all commenting on how well I was handling the storm.

Do you want an abundance of physical, mental, and social bliss? How about feeling optimistic, happy, and connected even during challenging times? I am sure you want better sleep, self-esteem, high energy, a stronger immune system, better emotional intelligence, and to build a capacity to forgive.

I have the answer. It is gratitude.

What is Gratitude

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation – Brian Tracy

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. It is derived from the Latin word gratia which stands for gratefulness, grace, or graciousness. When a human being receives something whether tangible or intangible and shows a thankful appreciation, it is gratitude. The person focuses on the positive in their life. Positive thinking helps the person to connect with something bigger than them, to other people, nature, and God.

Thesaurus has a few synonyms for gratitude and a whole subset of words and meaning attached to it. The synonyms are thankfulness, gratefulness, tribute, acknowledgment, appreciation, benediction, and recognition for the good in their life.

Gratitude and forgiveness have been my two biggest weaknesses. I have written extensively in this blog about it. It was only after marriage that Debbie has taught me about these two amazing qualities.

Modern Psychology and Gratitude

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Martin Seligman a famous psychologist did something very revolutionary more than three decades ago. Until that time psychologists focused on negative emotions like stress, addiction, trauma, and mental illness. Seligman looked at altruism, compassion, happiness, forgiveness, optimism, and gratitude.

Robert Emmons is the world’s leading expert on gratitude. His research has shown that expressing gratitude has a positive impact on human beings by improving their mental, physical, and relational well-being, and the effect lasts long.

Randy Kamen another psychologist talks about focusing on what you have rather than what is lacking in your life. The goal is to retrain the brain and to see the positive.

Gratitude was always part of the philosophical and religious domain in academia. So, it is interesting to see Psychologists getting interested in this area.

The benefits of An Attitude of Gratitude

I’ve had a remarkable life. I seem to be in such good places at the right time. You know, if you were to ask me to sum my life up in one word, gratitude – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

An attitude of gratitude is a choice, a habit that has to be developed and strengthened daily to gain the benefits. Gratitude detaches us and redeems us from negative feelings and toxic emotions. Gratitude leads to joy. Gratitude has a positive influence on the brain that is long-lasting. Gratitude improves relationships and problem-solving skills. Gratitude makes us better learners. It may seem contrived in the beginning but trust me as time passes you will notice a big difference.

The Journal of Applied Sport Psychology in a study in 2014 stated that gratitude improves self-esteem. Personality and Individual Differences published a study in 2012 that found that gratitude improves physical health. In the same year, the University of Kentucky’s research on gratitude found it improves empathy and reduces aggression. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in a 2003 study concluded that gratitude helped people in building resilience after 9/11.

How to develop an attitude of gratitude

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

Keep a Journal

In 2011, research published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being found that writing a gratitude journal improves sleep. I have found this has helped me tremendously. I have a personal gratitude journal. It is easy for me to focus on friends that I have lost, setbacks in my career, career moves I should have made. I do not stress on coming up with things or making up stuff.  By keeping a gratitude journal, my mental health is better as I am not focusing on envy or resentment but focusing on the positive in my life and how blessed it is.

However, I am focusing on:

I still have an amazing set of friends from grade 8, high school, university, and the business world. There are a few in Toronto that I have been doing breakfast or lunch once a month for the last 25 years

I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, clothes, money in the bank and two cars outside

Grateful for OHIP (free medical care in Ontario)

I am in good health

I have a job working from home

Living in one of the best cities in the best country in the world

People who we do not know cooking food for us

People driving Debbie to her appointments

Debbie and Jean love me unconditionally

I am one of the few people I know that have both their parents alive

As you focus on the positive, you are more joyful. I even tell Debbie, what if cancer happened a decade back? She was running a daycare and Jean was only 6. I have never created a fake sense of blessedness. I focus on counting all the blessings I have.

Say and write thank you often

Today I wrote a note of thanks to all the people who are delivering meals to us. I thank fellow bloggers for following me or inspiring me. As you show your appreciation you just get this great feeling. You are also nurturing your own relationship with the other person. Let them know how they impact your life. I also want to challenge you to write a thank you letter to yourself.

Practice breathing

I am horrible at meditation. One of the things I do is just sit and breathe. It calms me down. As I breathe I just focus on all the positive things that are happening in my life. As I am practicing gratitude I am also training my brain to focus on the positive aspect of life. As I breathe, I am also focusing on the positive that is going around me. The brain is calm. The positive affirmations are entering your subconscious mind.

Pray

I do this often and often go for long walks just to contemplate.

How to deal with challenges that stop you from being grateful

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul — Rabbi Harold Kushner

We all have a critical inner voice. That negative inner voice has to be silenced. If it is not silenced it can play havoc with us feeling grateful. If you listen to the inner voice you can become bitter and resentful and not allow any love or compassion to creep in.

I want to show an example of listening to the critical inner voice versus embracing gratitude.

I have planned a golf outing with a friend of mine for Sunday afternoon. I am looking forward to it and as the day approaches it is raining heavily. I freak out. I get worked up and emotional that the day is ruined. I take it personally and start blaming the weather for my mood. I take out my frustration with my wife. My perception was that the rain messed up my weekend. My negative thought patterns which started in my critical inner voice have now been blown out of proportion. It has a negative influence on my wife and daughter.

My friend, on the other hand, was also looking forward to playing golf. He accepted the rain and surrendered. He called me and told me that he will focus on cleaning the house and then cook for his wife. He also thinks the grass does not have to be watered. My friend made a conscious and intentional decision to make the best out of the situation. At the end of the day, it is all about perception. My friend surrendered with humility.

Epilogue

The last few months have been hectic. I was going to work then rushing back, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. The truth was I was burning out. All my life from a young age I have been a volunteer. Even at the new job, I was driving people. Someone approached me at the office and said ‘Jerry, this is the time for you to be selfish. COVID-19 is happening and your wife’s immune system is compromised. You do not have to drive anyone’.

Someone challenged me to ask for help. I hate asking for help. The person reminded me that I am stopping other people from getting blessed. It was my pride and being a control freak that did not want to ask for help. And then due to high winds, my fence came down.

As a result of that conversation, I pleaded for help. I just explained what was going on in our lives. Carolyn Gerber who was bringing us meals for the last couple of weeks made a meal train, and the love, support and offers just poured in.

On Monday, after I was looking at the damage the wind had done and was stepping out, I see a van parked in front of my house. I see some young kids in the back of the car and the mother offers me food. Her name is Devon Dienesch. I am blown away. We have a quick chat and we have a few common acquaintances and I take the food inside. Debbie shows me the note with the food. Later that night I read the note and I just started crying. Here was this encouraging note from an innocent child.

I have a choice to focus on the fence and all the other challenges I am facing or seeing the goodness in all these people who are going out of their way and serving us.

I was then reminded of the time in grade 11 and 12 for early morning service at Bishop Cotton School, reading in front of 300 boys, Philippians 4:6: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

I remembered Arun Sachdev a heart surgeon visiting from Thailand and as Vipul Goel was driving us to Niagara, Arun started quoting Psalm 7:17: I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High. I am like you still remember those scriptures and you are Hindu, dude.

No matter what comes my way, I will be grateful. I know many of you are going through challenges. It is not going to be easy. Be grateful.

Photo Credits: Brooke Cagle Gian Cescon Erriko Boccia Gabrielle Henderson Priscilla Du Preez  AndriyKo Podilnyk

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