Amazing mental health is crucial, essential, and valuable for women.

Mental health is an integral and intrinsic part of overall well-being. It encompasses emotional, psychological, and social well-being. When mental health is prioritized, women are better equipped to cope with life’s challenges, build positive relationships, and lead fulfilling lives.

There is a strong connection between amazing mental and physical health. Poor mental health like depression and anxiety can negatively impact physical health and vice versa.

Amazing mental health contributes to a higher quality of life. It enables women to experience and enjoy life to the fullest, engage in meaningful activities, and maintain a positive outlook. Mental health affects one’s ability to think, concentrate, and make decisions. When mental health is compromised, cognitive functions can be impaired, leading to decreased productivity and difficulty in daily functioning. Good mental health fosters resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks and be resilient.

I want to empower you by taking care of your mental health. I am going to list 11 things to axe from your life for amazing mental health.

Before I list the 11 things I want to introduce you to a new word cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance refers to the discomfort or tension that arises when there is a discrepancy between one’s beliefs, attitudes, or values and their actions or other beliefs. It’s a psychological phenomenon that people may experience when they encounter information that challenges their existing views. It is undesirable because it can lead to stress and internal conflict.

Recognizing cognitive dissonance can be an opportunity for personal growth and learning. It may prompt women to reevaluate their beliefs, consider alternative perspectives, and make adjustments to align their thoughts and actions more cohesively. Excessive or chronic cognitive dissonance may contribute to stress and mental health challenges.

Avoid Unhealthy Relationships

An unhealthy relationship is characterized by patterns of behavior, communication, and dynamics that are detrimental to the well-being of one or both individuals involved. While relationships naturally have ups and downs, unhealthy relationships often involve persistent negative patterns that can be emotionally, mentally, or even physically harmful. The signs of an unhealthy relationship include a lack of communication, manipulation, and control, lack of trust, constant criticism, isolation, abuse, unresolved conflict, disregard for boundaries, and unequal power dynamics.

Living in an unhealthy relationship can have a significant impact on your well-being and overall quality of life. Recognize the signs, get help, set boundaries, communicate openly, prioritize your well-being, create a safety plan, and know when to walk away.

Do not hold on to regrets

Regrets are often tied to negative emotions such as guilt, shame, or disappointment, and carrying them with you can hinder personal growth and happiness.

Accept your past mistakes, choices, decisions, and actions. Take responsibility for them. Acceptance is the first step towards healing. Instead of dwelling on the regret, focus on what you can learn from the experience. Reflect on the situation, identify what went wrong, and think about how you can make better choices in the future.  Understand that you are not perfect, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Forgive yourself for the choices you made and recognize that you are capable of change and growth.

The past is unchangeable, but you have control over your present and future. Concentrate on making positive choices today rather than getting stuck in what cannot be undone. Understand that perfection is unattainable. Everyone makes errors, and what matters most is how you respond and learn from them. If your regret involves someone else, and it’s appropriate, consider making amends. Apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions can be a step towards closure. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. By focusing on positive actions and experiences, you can gradually shift your focus away from past regrets.

Avoid Negative Self Talk

Negative self-talk involves the persistent negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself, your abilities, and your worth. Over time, this can contribute to feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. It’s important to be aware of your self-talk and make an effort to challenge and change negative thoughts. Question the validity of negative thoughts. Ask yourself if there’s evidence to support these thoughts or if they’re based on assumptions and misconceptions. When you identify a negative thought, replace it with a positive or more realistic one. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments.

Do not fear failure

Fear of failure prevents women from taking risks or trying new things. This fear can lead to a stagnant and unfulfilling life, as personal and professional growth often requires stepping outside of one’s comfort zone. Failure is a natural part of the learning process. It provides valuable feedback and insights that help women understand what works and what doesn’t. The constant fear of failure can erode self-confidence. Women who are overly focused on avoiding mistakes may become overly cautious and hesitant, undermining their ability to assert themselves and make decisions. Persistent fear of failure can contribute to stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues. The pressure to avoid failure at all costs can be emotionally taxing, leading to burnout and diminished overall well-being.

Embracing failures as learning opportunities and understanding that setbacks are a normal part of the journey can contribute to a more fulfilling and successful life.

Do not procrastinate

Procrastination can affect relationships, especially in collaborative settings where others depend on timely completion of tasks. Dependability and reliability are crucial in many social and professional contexts. Continuously procrastinating and failing to meet goals can undermine self-esteem. The cycle of procrastination followed by disappointment can create a negative self-perception. Developing effective time management and organizational skills, as well as addressing underlying issues that contribute to procrastination, can help mitigate its negative effects.

Embrace your flaws and brokenness

Acknowledging your flaws is the first step toward personal growth. It allows you to identify areas where you can improve and work towards becoming a better version of yourself. Recognizing your flaws increases self-awareness. This awareness is crucial for understanding how your actions and behaviors affect yourself and those around you. When you acknowledge your flaws, it shows humility and a willingness to learn and grow. This can strengthen your relationships with others, as people appreciate honesty and authenticity. Ignoring your flaws can contribute to conflicts. By acknowledging them, you open the door for communication and resolution. It demonstrates a commitment to addressing issues and finding solutions.

Flaws often indicate areas where you can learn and develop new skills. By acknowledging them, you create opportunities for continuous learning and improvement. Acknowledging your flaws can relieve the pressure of unrealistic expectations and allow you to embrace imperfections as part of the human experience. It’s a fundamental aspect of personal development, amazing mental health, and building meaningful connections with others.

Avoid irregular sleep patterns

Irregular sleep patterns are associated with an increased risk of mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. Sleep disruption can contribute to the dysregulation of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which play key roles in mood regulation. Chronic sleep disruption may contribute to long-term cognitive decline and an increased risk of neurodegenerative conditions. Irregular sleep patterns can disrupt the normal stress response, making individuals more vulnerable to the effects of stressors. This can lead to increased feelings of stress, irritability, and a reduced ability to cope with challenges. Sleep disruption can affect the balance of hormones in the body, including those that regulate stress (cortisol) and appetite (ghrelin and leptin). Adequate and regular sleep is crucial for emotional regulation. Sleep deprivation or irregular sleep patterns can lead to heightened emotional reactivity, increased irritability, and a reduced ability to manage and regulate emotions effectively.

If you are experiencing persistent sleep issues seek guidance from healthcare professionals for appropriate assessment and intervention.

Avoid Isolation

Women are social beings, and social interaction is crucial for mental well-being. Isolation deprives women of the emotional support, companionship, and sense of belonging that come from social connections.  Social interactions provide opportunities for emotional expression, sharing experiences, and receiving empathy. When isolated, women may struggle to express their emotions or find outlets for emotional release, which can contribute to increased stress and anxiety. Isolation can lead to a lack of cognitive stimulation, potentially resulting in boredom and a decline in cognitive function.

Prolonged isolation may lead to sedentary behavior, lack of physical activity, and disruptions in sleep patterns, all of which can have negative effects on both physical and mental health. Physical well-being is closely linked to mental well-being.

Avoid pursuing perfection

Perfection is often an unrealistic and unattainable goal. Setting overly high standards can lead to constant dissatisfaction and stress.

The relentless pursuit of perfection can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Constantly striving for an unattainable ideal can be emotionally draining. Perfectionism can affect interpersonal relationships if individuals impose unrealistic expectations on themselves and others, leading to dissatisfaction and conflict.

Striking a balance by setting realistic goals, embracing imperfections, and practicing self-compassion is crucial for a healthier approach to personal and professional development.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining amazing good mental health.

Establishing boundaries helps you prioritize self-care. It allows you to allocate time and energy to activities that promote your well-being, such as rest, relaxation, and personal interests. Without boundaries, you may find yourself constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. Setting boundaries communicates your values and limits to others, fostering respect in relationships. It helps you define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, ensuring that you are treated with dignity and consideration. This, in turn, contributes to positive self-esteem and self-worth.

Boundaries help maintain a healthy balance between different aspects of your life, such as work, relationships, and personal time. Striking this balance is essential for overall well-being and prevents one area from dominating your life at the expense of others. Establishing boundaries empowers you to make choices that align with your values and priorities. It allows you to take control of your life and make decisions that contribute positively to your mental health.

In summary, setting boundaries is a fundamental aspect of self-care and maintaining good mental health. 

Avoid comparing yourself to other people

When you compare yourself to others, you may be setting unrealistic standards for yourself. People often present their best selves on social media or in public, which can create a skewed perception of reality. Comparing your behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel can lead to feelings of inadequacy. You might focus on your perceived shortcomings while overlooking your strengths and achievements. This can contribute to feelings of low self-worth and impact your overall mental well-being.

Every individual has a unique set of circumstances, experiences, and challenges. Comparing yourself to someone else neglects the fact that everyone’s life journey is different. What works for one person may not work for another, and measuring success solely based on others’ achievements can be misleading. Constant comparison often leads to negative emotions such as jealousy, envy, and resentment. These emotions can be detrimental to your mental health and may hinder your ability to build positive relationships with others.

To foster better mental health, it’s important to practice self-compassion, celebrate your achievements, and focus on your personal growth without constantly comparing yourself to others. Embracing your uniqueness and recognizing that everyone has their journey can contribute to a more positive and fulfilling mindset.

The post 11 things to axe from your life for amazing mental health appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Parenting has taken on a whole new meaning during Covid 19.

Parents, caregivers, and children across the country are facing challenges and have to constantly pivot during the lockdown.

Focus on creating quality time and make sure your children are connected with family, friends, and neighbors through social media, chats, phones, and email.

Go on walks with your children while maintaining a safe distance.

Listen to understand your children, focus on their positive behavior and be a role model.

I talk to Brett about mental health and parenting.

Brett Ullman travels North America speaking to teens, young adults, leaders, and parents on topics including sexuality, mental health, men, dating, and media. Brett’s seminars engage and challenge attendees to try and connect our ancient faith with the modern culture we live in. Participants are inspired to reflect on what we know, what we believe, and how our faith ought to serve as the lens through which we view and engage in tough conversations in our society today.

Husband to Dawn and father of Bennett and Zoe, Brett and his family make their home in Ajax, Ontario where Brett leads and directs Worlds Apart, a charity focused on empowering individuals to re-align their lives with Biblical core values often muddled by media but central to Christian living.

Brett was a teacher with the Toronto District School Board for 10 years before moving into speaking full-time back in 2005. Brett has a Master’s degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton Graduate School in Chicago and is also a graduate of the Arrow Leadership Program. He and his family are members of Sanctus Church in Ajax since 2004. I catch up with Brett to talk about mental health and parenting.

Brett, please tell my audience a little about you?

My name is Brett Ullman. My wife (Dawn) and I live in Ajax, Ontario with our 2 teenagers Zoe (16) and Ben (15). I was a teacher with the TDSB (Toronto District School Board) for 10 years before leaving teaching 13 years ago to speak full-time. My speaking had started the year I began teaching and had grown to the point where I was teaching full-time and speaking 45 dates a year across Canada and the US. I speak on current issues from parenting, mental health, dating, media, faith, sex, men, and pornography.

I have a 14-year daughter, what is the best advice you can give me?

There is a quote from the book “Trophy Child” from Ted Cunningham that says “They will not be with me forever so I will prepare them accordingly.” This would be my best advice … prepare your daughter for life, don’t protect her from life. We seem to see an epidemic of over-parenting (which is rooted in fear-based parenting) throughout our society. If 4 years from now she heads away for school she better be ready to deal with everything from good online digital citizenship, dealing with sex and pornography, dealing with money, all aspects of dating, etc.

As a side point, I would say go and tell her that you love her. I am blown away on an ongoing basis by how many young girls tell me their dad has never told them he loved her.

I would also remind her often that you are there for her, not against her. That we as parents want the best for our kids and we are in their corner in life is a huge deal. This also means that we are still for them even when they mess up. Our kids need to know that we love them “forever and always” no matter what happens. This is unconditional love.

In the last decade, we as a society have been talking about mental health. What can we as parents do if our kid is struggling?

If I am in a room of students and/or parents and ask who knows someone who struggles with mental health, there is usually not a hand that does not go up. It is affecting all of us as a modern culture today. As someone who had a breakdown back in 2012 from speaking close to 300 speaking dates a year to pay for my Master’s degree, I was taking down in Chicago I understand first-hand the … what word do I use … struggle that those of us with mental health struggles face within the church today. One of the issues is that we allow people with cancer, diabetes, and other illnesses to follow a path to healing using best practices (doctors, medications, etc) but tell someone struggling with mental health it must be a spiritual issue. I have an entire talk on this called the Walking Wounded. Let me give you the 2 min summary.

If you or your kids are struggling with mental health you need to attack it in 3 ways:

1. Body – go to your family doctor. Get blood work, and a physical done and see if there is anything physically wrong with you. You then need to take care of your body by eating better, sleeping more, and doing daily exercise. Some of the struggles we have are just from our living unsustainable lives. We need to take back control of what we can.
2. Mind – go see a counselor and get some strategies to help you in your journey.
3. Soul – Now this is the one that gets vast debate. I would say that our faith is (for the most part) not the answer in the journey but is the thing that sustains us in the journey no matter the outcome. Talk to pastors, prayer teams, small groups, and other people and allow them into your journey as well.

How are sexuality, media, and dating related?

I put them all under an umbrella I call a Christian Sexual Ethic or a Biblical worldview of healthy sexuality. If you have a correct ethic or worldview on this, it will affect all aspects of how we view sexuality in our lives. This affects what we do in relationships, what we do online, and the type of media we put into our lives.

Give me some practical examples as to how we can connect an ancient faith to our fast-paced modern culture?

I think it starts with a Biblical Worldview. Your Worldview shapes your values, and then your values shape your actions, what you actually do in life. I have been talking about spiritual disciplines for 15 years in my talks. These are the primary spiritual formation building blocks of our faith. Reading, praying, fasting, giving, volunteering, etc. are the foundations of our faith. I just finished a chapter on this for my new book so here is a shortlist of a few books to get you started in this area:

1. Dallas Willard: The Spirit of the Disciplines: Understanding How God Changes Lives
2. Richard J. Foster: Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth
3. Nathan Foster: The Making of an Ordinary Saint
4. Patrick M. Morley: A Man’s Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines: 12 Habits to Strengthen Your Walk with Christ
5. Ken Shigematsu: God in My Everything: How an Ancient Rhythm Helps Busy People Enjoy God
6. Gary Thomas: Sacred Pathways
7. Ruth R. Barton: Sacred Rhythms: Arranging our lives for Spiritual Transformation

Give me some practical tips on parenting and how to communicate with our kids on taboo topics?

The author Henry Cloud says we need to “Enter the danger.” We need not shy away from the tough stuff but lean into the conversations.

One thing that is really important here is that if you want to be able to speak to your kids on tough topics, you have to have relational influence in their lives. This is not something that you get because you are a parent, it is something you have to earn. When your kids are born, you have positional influence as you are the parent, and they are the kid. As they get older this fades away, and you must have relational influence. You build this day by day as your kids are growing up by being involved in their lives, family dinners, family vacations, family meetings, talks on the couch, game night, movie night, laughing and crying with your kids, encouraging them, etc.

Back to the tough topics use people around you. If you do not know what to say about a particular topic spend some time searching online, talk to your pastors and leaders, talk to parents of kids who are older than yours, read books on this topic, spend time on YouTube and searching Ted talks for great content. My website (www.brettullman.com) is filled with resources like this. My blog has conversations on all of these tough topics and the best links to other resources are all posted.

Talk to my female audience and help them in the dating world and how they need to navigate it?

I might start with a younger audience and say you don’t need to rush into dating in Grade 5-11. It will add a lot of heartaches, and the real question you are going to have to answer is what do you do sexually in these relationships as there is not much else that will be different from a good friend and dating other than that.

The other side of that coin is said to people who are out of High School and challenging them actually to date. We have a problem I see today where people are just not dating.

An important question to ask is not whether they like you, but whether they are worth you’re like.

Let me explain this better. It is great they like you, but does it matter? Are they the right person for you? Do you also like them? Do you have anything in common etc.? You don’t need to date someone just because they like you. You have a choice whether to like them back (in a dating way) or just stay friends.

What are some questions we need to ask ourselves before getting married?

The most viewed blog on my site with over 12,600 views is 80+ questions you need to ask when you are dating. Lots of questions to ask before you ever get engaged and married. Just a few good ones would be:

–    What behavior is appropriate for those who are going to practice sexual abstinence before marriage

–    Are you a non-practicing Christian? What does the Christian faith mean to you?

–    Do you want any? 1? 2? 5?

–    What kind of home do you want your children to grow up in? Values? Rules?

–    What will you do? Where will you live? What comes with the job you have chosen? Travel?

You can use my blog as a start and then add any other questions you have. The point is to ask these before you get serious. If you want to have kids and they do not this is a massive red flag that your relationship might not be right. If they’re going to move to another place in the country and you want to live near your family and friends, it might be another red flag. 

How important is communication in the family?

It is paramount. I am a huge fan of family dinners, family meetings, family vacations, etc. The problem we see today is peer attachment without parental attachment. This is seen in Leonard Sax’s’ book The Collapse of Parenting. Our kids are looking for unconditional love and acceptance from their peers which is just something they are not able to give. Our kids need a strong, secure attachment (bond) with us as parents, only then can they head out into the world and bond with their peers.

We as parents need to make sure that we work at good communication. No technology at the dinner table. Phones are on airplane mode and not on silent. People need to look at each other in the eye when they are talking. This problem of partial attention is getting worse in life.

We also need to have open communication on the expectations of our kids around the house. Clear, agreed on boundaries and expectations for everything from chores to curfew.

How do you balance faith family finance and food in this busy world?

I think the first thought here is just to be conscious that you want to live a balanced, sustainable life. I am presently reading “The Ripple Effect” by Greg Wells. The bi-line is:

Sleep better

Eat better

Move better

Think better

So love this. Many years ago, I heard the analogy of the jar with the different size rocks. If you put in the sand and small stones first the large rocks will not fit in. But, if you put in the large rocks, then small stones, then the sand they will all fit. It is the same in our lives. Plan your life to fit in the large rocks first (exercise, sleep, diet, faith etc.), then put in the smaller stones (shopping, cleaning, volunteering) When all of these things are done you are left to put in the sand of your life (TV, social media, video games, etc).

The post Reflections on mental health and parenting appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is psychotherapy?

Talk therapy, also called psychotherapy, is to help people deal with challenges in life, emotional difficulties, and mental illness. Psychotherapy helps a person to make their life better through introspection and healing.

If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it. – Russell Wilson

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road. – Unknown

Anything human is mentionable, and anything mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. – Fred Rogers

The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about. – Unknown

Introduction

I got the most horrifying text of my life. A very close friend of mine, since college, had passed away on Tuesday early morning.

It is not possible. We just spoke on Monday morning. We were going to have lunch on Thursday. I was teasing him about being the king of Facebook. Also, since his dad was 90, I told him that he would probably outlive all of us and therefore attend my funeral.

After that, on a cold day in March, here I was at the funeral home facing his cold, lifeless body. In addition, a thousand memories since we were teenagers kept flashing across my mind.

The same year in April, a young gentleman drove a van across a street where I had lived for more than a decade, killing 10 people and injuring 16.

Similarly, in July as I was heading to the Danforth for a meeting, another male shot and killed 2 people and injured 13 at a nearby restaurant.

Three incidents in less than six months hit home. Why? Could any of the above situations be avoided?

Life happens

My close friend had issues from a young age. It tormented him. Over the years, I begged him, pleaded with him to get help. In 2015, he lost his job and disappeared. I finally got hold of him six months later and he was putting up a front. In 2017, I took him out for lunch for his birthday. Little did I realize that would be the last time I would be seeing him. We spoke throughout the summer, about his marriage, his parenting and how he felt about living in the basement of his parents’ home.

Above all, unemployed, separated from his wife, alone, lonely, feeling rejected, drugs and booze became his best friends. What stopped him from getting help? Did he not realize the hurt he was causing those close to him and especially his kids?  How come he did not know his limits and boundaries? Why did he not seek psychotherapy?

What is masculinity?

As I think about my friend and the other two men, involved in the killings, I am forced to ask myself, why do men not get help? Is it a sign of weakness? Is it considered macho to just suck up and deal with your issues through drugs, porn and substance abuse? Is this masculinity?

Or is masculinity dealing with our issues head-on, accepting responsibility for where you are in life, being grateful, forgiving and getting help?

I wish the three men would have got help. They could have avoided so much pain for themselves and those around them.

Advantages of getting help

When you go to see a psychotherapist, you get feedback on what you are going through from an objective perspective. Here is a trained third-party individual who listens, gives you feedback on what you are going through.

The second advantage is that you get to deal with your negative past. The therapist might ask you to write down your hurts, resentments, bitterness issues, challenges or just he/she will listen.

The third advantage is that it allows you to get in touch with reality. When you are doing drugs, booze, porn, and sleeping around, these are helping you to escape reality.

The fourth advantage is that you end up in better mental and physical health.

The fifth advantage is that it allows you to get to the root cause of your problems. The therapist gives you healthy coping mechanisms.

The final advantage is that you learn to take it easy on yourself and finally no one is judging you at the clinic. They are all encouraged that you have the courage and guts to deal with your issues.

I challenge you that if you are facing issues no matter what go ahead and get professional help.

The post Get Help: See A Psychotherapist appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Two years after graduating from high school, one of my closest friends committed suicide. I had never dealt with it. I got caught up in university, climbing the corporate ladder, and on the performance treadmill. On my 10th wedding anniversary, as I was having a romantic dinner on the beach in the Mayan Riviera, I asked Debbie how we were doing as a married couple. Her answer about me not being a good sleeper changed my life forever. This week, as I deal with COVID, Debbie is battling cancer, I get a text from a friend that someone we have known all our lives committed suicide. As I get older, I am more aware of mental health. If you read my blog, I have written on forgiveness, patience, self-care, depression, drug, and alcohol abuse.

On Twitter, I found out that Chris Mitchell, a Canadian travel writer and content creator based in Toronto, was starting a podcast on anxiety. I got in touch with him and asked him a few questions about anxiety.  Chris has been writing about and documenting his travels around 80 countries for a decade. Chris is also the cofounder of the Toronto Bloggers Collective, a community dedicated to supporting content creators.  I have been in groups all my life. The Toronto Bloggers Collective is one of the best groups I have been a part of. Chris is friendly, outgoing, sensitive, loving, and passionate. He loves his wife and is real and vulnerable. Abigail Van Buren said that “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Many bloggers have liked my style of writing. However, when it came to collaboration it was always about my DA and PA scores. Chris was the first blogger who offered me to write a piece on Bellwoods Brewery. Read this interview a couple of times. Also if you know of anyone struggling with anxiety have them listen to the podcast.

Chris, an honor to have you on Four Columns. We are going to talk about travel, food, marriage, and anxiety. I know you started a podcast on anxiety, what is it, and how does it affect us?

Firstly, let me just thank you for having me on, Jerry. The pleasure is all mine. 

You’re absolutely right, I did just start a podcast on anxiety. It’s called “I’m Anxious About…,” and I’m proud to say it has garnered a fair bit of interest thus far. In short, it’s a podcast where my co-host Allison and I look at a different thing we’re anxious about each week and break it down with plenty of humor and honesty. 

It’s meant to be a place that folks can come for a laugh, but most importantly, it’s a place where we can share our own journey and let folks know they’re not alone. 

So far, the response has been deeply humbling, and I’m grateful I took the gamble in starting this, despite that voice in my head that offered no shortage of doubt and criticism. But that is, in essence, what this podcast is all about, right? Challenging that voice. 

Anyway, if folks are curious, they can find us wherever they find their podcasts. 

Sometimes as men, we put on this macho front. However, we are hurting inside. How did you realize you were suffering from anxiety. What made you realize this is something we have to talk about?

Well, Jerry, that’s a good question. My journey with anxiety started about a decade ago when I lost my best friend unexpectedly. His name was Kiel, and, in truth, he was more like a brother to me than a friend. I felt a lot of pain that more or less concentrated in confusion. 

I still do feel great pain, but now I’ve harnessed that to ensure I can do my best to live for both of us. I try to remember that he’d want me to think of him and smile, so I focus on the good memories. 

When I found out about his passing, it was 2011 and I was living in Seoul, South Korea with Bri. 

I would find that occasionally as we were walking along I’d almost get swept up in a river of my own thoughts. People would be talking to me, but the conversation I had in my head was drowning them out. I’d often have to head off to the bathroom to regroup. 

It took me a long time to realize that these initial struggles which I thought were isolated and fluky incidents were actually the beginning of my anxiety. Or, rather, it took me a long time to accept that. 

I began to question why my initial reaction to feeling like I may be struggling was to hide it – even from my partner. Now, I understand it’s because I had a false notion that having anxiety or depression or what have you made you weak. 

Thankfully, over time, I’ve squashed that falsehood, and now I firmly believe that true strength comes from admitting you’re not perfect, putting your ego aside, and using your openness to engage in conversations that aid others. 

Walk me through how you are dealing with it? Are you taking medication, going to the gym, meditation, or seeing a coach?

I’ve got a lot of things that I try to keep in mind to make sure I’m giving myself a good chance to be my best self. 

Firstly, I start every morning by writing in my 5 Minute Journal where I set intentions for the day. I end my day by writing in the same journal. It helps me to project what I want my day to look like, and be grateful at the end of the day. 

I also meditate and do a stretching sequence before hopping in the shower. This ensures that by the time I’m out of the shower, I’m generally in the right headspace to tackle the day. 

I’ve found that exercise is paramount for me. I exercise every day whether that’s yoga, biking, walking, going to the gym, or anything in between. A big problem I had in the past was not knowing what to do with excess energy, which could lead to me partying a bit more or staying out a bit later, so I know now that I’ve got to make sure I’m giving myself a chance to burn energy. 

There’s just no question – If I’m not exercising, I’m more anxious. 

Sleeping well, or at least trying to get a good amount of sleep also makes an enormous difference for me, so that’s something I prioritize. I talk about it on the podcast, but I just don’t get caught up on whether or not I’ve fallen asleep. I focus on rest, relaxation, and giving myself a second to process. 

Things like eating well, not drinking too much, reading every night and so forth also make a big difference. In particular, I try to ensure I’m reading at least a few books at any one time, with some mixture of fiction and nonfiction. Usually, I read about 70-80 books a year. What’s the expression, “books are the quietest and most constant of friends?” 

Finally, I’m not currently taking any medication or going to therapy. I did do some therapy last year, but, for the most part, I’ve built a lot of systems around myself that enable me to be okay, and I’m also fortunate to have people around me looking out for me. In particular, even if I’m not always at my best, but I’m blessed to have a supportive partner who also knows when I’m not at my best and helps me get back up on my feet when I need it. 

I should note here that everyone has their own journey. For some, therapy and medication are absolutely necessary, so I’m not in any way discouraging that. I also don’t think there’s any shame or weakness in that whatsoever. Everyone needs to do what is right of them.

Funny enough, the podcast is sort of serving as therapy for me, as I rehash what I’ve learned over the past decade that has helped me and may help others. It also keeps me mindful of my own mindset and I find I’m more apt at understanding and disentangling my own emotional state. 

What is your goal with the new podcast? Who is your audience? What are you trying to achieve?

Mainly, I want people to know that they’re not alone, and try also to highlight that laughter can be therapeutic. I’m intentionally diving into the sometimes absurd inner workings of my mind to let others know that it’s okay to have unique, if dizzying, thought patterns here and there. 

We haven’t been live long enough for me to have a true grasp on our audience, but, from the feedback I’ve gotten and those who have reached out to me, it appears to be folks who have suffered from anxiety or, at the very least, know someone who has, or are interested in what anxiety is all about. 

I’d like to think almost anybody could tune in, largely because we chat in a pretty humorous tone in the podcast. It could almost be confused with a comedy set if you entered at the wrong time. That being said, the goal of the podcast isn’t to make light of anxiety. It’s to show that you can have anxiety, but still, enjoy your life, and even laugh at yourself here and there. 

Congrats on winning many awards. What is unique and different about you as a travel blogger that you bring to the table? 

Well thanks, firstly. I feel fortunate to have won many awards in the past, and continue to be considered for awards in the present and future. Each one means something to me, trust me. That is something which will never get old to me, so let’s keep them coming, shall we?! 

Joking aside, I am honoured, as there are so many talented travel writers and bloggers out there. 

As far as what’s different about me, it’s a great question. I honestly don’t know. I mean, I’ve read voraciously since I was young, and I took English Lit. in university, so I think I’ve got the writing structure down pat, but I know it’s more than that. It honestly may come down to my intense curiosity. I’m profoundly interested in the places I visit, and perhaps that comes across to readers. 

I’d also like to think that I’m writing to elevate my readers and not alienate them. Nobody wants to know where I’ve been and how much fun I had, they want to see themselves in my adventures, and know that my writing is empowering them to chase their own adventures. In the end, I write for my readers, and not for myself. 

I also adore writing in the strongest sense. Without writing, I don’t think I’d understand myself or this world. I travel physically with planes, but mentally with words. 

Talk to me about a favorite city of yours/ What is it about that city that we should visit and the food scene?

That would have to be Istanbul, my friend. Istanbul, to me, feels like the centre of the world. I lived there for 3 years, and while I was there, I felt like I had my fingers on the pulse of the planet. I was tapped into millennia of history just by walking around the streets and areas of the present day. 

The food scene is on another level as well, especially when it comes to Turkish breakfast. I’ve actually covered exactly how you should tackle Istanbul (including Turkish breakfast) in this article on my site, appropriately called, “Istanbul Travel Tips – Travel Advice for Istanbul From a Former Resident.” 

I also did an episode on the Amateur Traveler podcast! 

That should help folks out fairly well if they’re looking to visit. I’ve been to 80 countries and thousands of towns, villages, and cities at this point and I’ll be blunt – you have not seen the world until you’ve been to Istanbul. 

It is, to me, the greatest city on the planet.

I see you are a romantic guy. Help me understand how marriage has changed you as a person? What surprised you the most? Do you recommend it?

I do try to be romantic or, at the very least, sentimental. I would say that marriage itself hasn’t necessarily changed my life dramatically, but nothing has had a greater impact on my life than my relationship with Bri. 

We’ve been together 10 years and married 2. So, what I’m saying is I don’t think you have to be married to appreciate your partner or be impacted by them, but I did appreciate the ceremonious commitment. 

Our wedding day was just perfect and brought together people from all over the world. 

I’ve just been lucky enough to have found my soulmate, and I think that’s what it’s all about. I would do anything for Bri, and perhaps marriage is one way we can let our partner know just that. 

I want to know something very challenging you have experienced? What did you do to overcome it?

I had a difficult time readjusting to life in Toronto in 2017 after living in Istanbul for three years. Most notably, I came back to Toronto and decided that I wouldn’t be pursuing teaching opportunities, which was made more ironic by the fact that I had just completed my Masters. 

That being said, I had the sense that I had to go in on my own and see what I could do. It’s a stressful thing to bet all your chips on something, but it’s also invigorating. Though, in retrospect, it was often a fine line between stress and excitement.

I began by growing out of the travelingmitch brand, especially on Twitter where I found a big audience for one reason or another. I began to go to conferences left, right, and center, and I became hungry to both learn and grow. 

Not long after that, I co-founded the Toronto Bloggers Collective because I decided that I couldn’t quite find the community I was looking for in Toronto, so it was time to create it. As you well know, that decision has had a huge positive impact on my life, and I hope it’s positively impacted folks like yourself and other members. 

Then, I started Ultimate Ontario to showcase what was going on in the province alongside Kev from the Toronto Bloggers Collective. As you can see, it was all about keeping moving for me. 

I also founded two podcasts and had my hands in a number of other projects. 

I put myself in a sink or swim scenario and thankfully I learned that I can indeed swim, which is a lesson I’m carrying with me even now. 

When this pandemic hit, it’s not a shock that I started the new podcast on anxiety because my reaction to struggle now is thinking about what I can create to solve problems for others. It gives me a sense of purpose. 

Finally, I want you to give three tips to a new blogger?

I’ll keep it simple. 

Be curious. Be patient. Be bold.

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