The post Unconditional Love in Parenting appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Authenticity is a mosaic, convoluted and manifold concept that is often used in various situations, like relationships, personal identity, products, and art.

The meaning of authenticity

Authenticity is about being bonafide, absolute, true, sincere, and genuine.  The meaning of being authentic is when an individual is true to oneself and one’s core values, beliefs, morals, conscience, and principles, rather than conforming to societal norms, pressures, and expectations. An authentic person is someone who behaves, speaks, and acts in a way that aligns with their true nature, without putting on a facade or pretending to be someone they’re not. An authentic person is not a people pleaser. An authentic person swims against the tide.

Authenticity vs fake and ungenuine

Once a month, I get an email from a friend about his prayer life and what he is learning. We have known each other for more than three decades. Never a call. Never to see how we are doing. Even when Debbie was going through cancer, never a hint, to see how we were doing or drop by. But the email comes once a month, challenging us to love, deny ourselves and study scripture.

I have another friend who changes an organization every two or three years. The leaders are not up to mark. The way people do things is wrong. Everything is wrong.

There was a point when I was mentoring a few men. One of the men was overly critical of me. He was in his late 30s and was literally chasing teenagers. He had an Asian background and wanted a Canadian wife. I set him up on a few dates but they were never good. He took off to the States, found someone, and married her. The wife left him, accused him and my friend ended up in prison. You think my friend would have learned his lesson. I ran into him in Toronto and he was on the hunt again for a new wife. I kept quiet.  I found out later he got married again. The second wife left him with two kids and disappeared.

Insecurity is the root of evil

Insecure humans project their own insecurities, fears, and shortcomings onto others.  Humans with low self-esteem or insecurity engage in criticizing or finding faults in others as a way to deflect attention away from their own perceived flaws. This behavior can also be a way to gain a sense of superiority or control over others, as pointing out faults can give them a feeling of power.  Insecure people are attracted to Christian cults. It gives them a sense of security. You have made it, others have not. You have the right doctrine, others do not. These insecure people spend their whole life attending their spiritual organizations and are not transformed.

What I was offering to my friend was constructive criticism and feedback which was essential and crucial for personal and collective growth. The feedback was genuine with good intentions.

In interpersonal relationships, authenticity refers to open, honest, and genuine communication and emotional expression. Authentic relationships are built on trust and sincerity, where individuals can be themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.

Belonging vs Fitting In

When you belong to a group of friends you are accepted into a unique social, cultural, or community-based entity. There is a sense of affiliation and connection with others who share common characteristics, interests, values, or goals. Belonging goes beyond mere membership; it implies a deeper emotional connection and identification with the group. People who belong to a group often feel a sense of support, validation, and security from being part of that group. This sense of belonging can contribute positively to one’s self-esteem and overall well-being. This is an example of authenticity.

Fitting in, on the other hand, refers to conforming to the norms, behaviors, and expectations of a particular group in order to be accepted and avoid standing out. It involves adjusting one’s behavior, appearance, or attitude to align with the prevailing standards of the group. Fitting in can sometimes be driven by a desire to avoid social rejection or criticism. Fitting in involves suppressing certain aspects of one’s identity to conform to the group’s norms. This is not an example of authenticity and results in depression, cognitive dissonance, trauma, and health issues.

I truly believe that we put ourselves on the treadmill of performance that is driven by external pressure. In a fake world dominated by social media, authenticity is valued for its ability to bring forth honesty, sincerity, and a sense of realness. People often seek authentic experiences, relationships, and products because they resonate with their core values and provide a sense of connection and meaning. Authenticity demands self-awareness, introspection, the desire and courage to be vulnerable and embrace one’s true self.

One of the questions I get asked very often is how come I have had so many friends since kindergarten, how come the blog is so successful, what are the secrets to my marriage and how come I am good in sales. The truth lies in being authentic.

What is authentic living and an authentic person?

The post Empower your life with authenticity appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

RG. No…, not Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul Godara is spiritual.

Spirituality is a deep and vast approach with various interpretations. The common theme is connecting with a higher being that is bigger than ourselves. The focus is to make a positive impact and find a deeper meaning in life. It is a catholic human experience that touches and shapes us. Many find a mosque or temple. synagogue, church, yoga, or a small group to connect and enhance their spiritual life. Others pray, meditate, recite, serve or connect with nature and art.

Rahul is self-aware of his spiritual growth, strengths, and weaknesses. The Hindu faith allows him to get in touch with his feelings, emotions, and the spiritual world. Rahul was a school captain and a gap student at Harrow. We connect and talk about spirituality, meditation, spiritual healing, and spiritual meditation, and find many common themes between Hinduism and Christianity.

Rahul, I love talking about spirituality, faith, travel, food, and family. Let’s start by telling my audience a little about you?

One of the highlights of my school life was meeting Tarsem Singh Dhandwar, an alumnus, a leading figure in Hollywood in the world of Visual Art.  He was perhaps the first person I really looked up to for his artistic and brilliant mind, coupled with an exuberant love for the world, and its colors.

I had always fancied myself as a man living in New York, with a trench coat, and a smoke on my lips! As a result, I fulfilled that when I went to study acting at the New York Film Academy. After that, I lived in NYC for 2 years, acted on Broadway, worked in a boutique hotel and did other things. My long and steady search for the divine and spirituality, led to a meeting with my Guru Amma, in New York. In conclusion, I returned to India in 2012 and spent 7 months with her.  As a result, it became a fundamental turning point in my life.

I learned a lot about the values of true spirituality, the concept of a Satguru (A fully realized being), and the principles of Sadhana (spiritual practise), as a means of emancipation from the cycle of suffering that we undergo as human beings.

Currently, I spend my time between Kasar Devi, a very spiritually charged Himalayan Village in the Kumaon Himalayas, and in Punjab, North India with my parents. I am running a travel company focused on Spiritual Travel and Immersion, and a culture center in Kasar Devi. By the way Jerry, Bob Dylan visited Kasar in his heyday! So did Cat Stevens, and Swami Vivekananda had some of his highest realizations here.

I have a very beautiful and amazing woman in my life, from the Himalayan mountains, whose identity we shall keep mysterious and hidden~~ ;).

What motivated you to start the Resplendent Soul? Walk me through the whole process and what is it all about?

While spending time at Ammas ashram, and traveling around Dharamshala (Home to the Dalai Lama), I realized that a lot of people were looking for the depths of Indian thought, but could scratch only the surface of it. I felt like I could facilitate their outer and inner journeys within India, and then the idea of Resplendent Soul popped up. Resplendence is my favorite word in English.  It means ‘Dazzling Measureless Splendour”.

The tours are 4, 7, and 18 days long.  We take people through some of the regular well-known Indian spiritual hubs like Rishikesh, Vrindavan and then the more abstract places like Babaji’s ashram, or my village of Kasar Devi.

On the tours, people experience the deep ocean of Hindu life and thought, while we also showcase other religions. They are able to experience the devotion of the Hindu people, in terms of the rituals like fire ceremonies, pujas, devotional worship via songs and music, etc. They are able to appreciate both the outer aspect of the use of colors, life, people, and the deeper metaphysical meaning behind them. For example, many people are not aware, but the fire ceremony of India is very beneficial for psychological ailments and gives one a profound love for life. Cool aye?!!

The tours also include social aspects like service and social entrepreneurship, so as to enable one to see God in all of creation, and not limit it to prayer and worship.

Currently, I do 2-3 big tours annually for Germans, Kiwis, and sometimes a mixed group, apart from the small ones.

Help me understand what you mean by let’s get deeper into the heart of the universe?

The Heart of the Universe! Hmm… I don’t know, how to put this, cause even I am perhaps at the foot of the universe.  As I grow older, I realize that we are unable to fully experience life’s deepest joy, strength, and confidence because we live on the periphery.  We are too much in the mind of the mind, and not in the Heart of the Mind.  To really understand the depths, one has to go very deep, dive deep within, to the very source from where the mysteries of the universe unfold.

Like Anandamayee ma, the great Bengali saint said “The world was born out of joy that is why you find joy in the fleeting things of the world, otherwise life would be an ordeal, but you must attain to that great joy, which brought forth the world!

How does one understand more of the guiding principles of life, of truth and Godliness via tours, retreats, working with communities, creativity, blogging, photography, friendship, and humanity?

I feel deeply that most of our education has been based to help us become survivors. We learn all the tools like mathematics, biology, English, etc., to simply earn a livelihood and make a name for ourselves. But we have not cultured the heart truly. We have many negative emotions like hatred, jealousy, lust, the works, but not enough self-knowledge and antidotes to transform them. I feel we can re-educate ourselves slowly and steadily. Just like 4 columns believes in a holistic attitude towards life, we can relearn the basic fundamentals of living a happy and contented existence, via the mediums of creativity, self-knowledge, scriptures, sharing in community growth, social service, family, hearing great stories and positive information that is already existing in the world. I like to use knowledge resources quite a bit, to understand the various spectrums of life and living, and I feel any and every human being can do so, by reading and understanding more effectively.

Explain who Guru Amma is and what is the message of the divine?

Amma and Haidakhan babaji are my two gurus. A guru literally means “Dispeller of Darkness”.  They are both Satgurus, meaningfully enlightened beings who have only taken birth to help all mankind, just like Christ.

Does your spirituality include a God, a holy book, and what is the supreme self?

To me, spirituality is both form & formless. So as a practicing Hindu on the journey towards God-realization, I worship all the forms of divinity present in the Sanatana Dharma (The original name of Hinduism) and all other faiths.

I especially enjoy loving Lord Shiva, Lord Ram, Krishna, Devi, and Hanuman!

I have a very big reverence for the ancient and present masters of India like Amma, Babaji, Neem Karoli Baba, Papaji, Padmasambhava, Nisargadatta Maharaj, and also many from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.

I do read different spiritual texts as is the way in India, and not a single Holy Book. My favorite scriptures are mostly words of Masters who are living or have left the body.

The Supreme Self just is. As it is! Before, and beyond a name. Perhaps God is another word we use for it. Just like the Yogis use Pure Consciousness.

Sat-Chit-Ananda!  Truth –Consciousness- Bliss.

Let’s talk about tours. What is your goal here? Is it to showcase India? Is it to connect the traveler to their own spirituality or to connect with Indian spirituality?

The goal of the tours is to show the wealth of India’s spiritual light, so the seeker can benefit from those and use them in their own life. The Sanatana Dharma is very scientific, vast, and alluring and can provide many tools to crossover from suffering to endless union with self!

India has an endless ocean of knowledge, devotion, and beauty. Perhaps that’s the reason this country has been so tolerant and loving towards all, even those who plundered it. It is Mother India!

By showcasing the many modalities of spirituality present, we wish to inspire the seeker, who has come on a journey, to connect to their own hidden potential.  Some of them get inspired to take on practices and insights from the Indian traditions, and some just enjoy it, get a nice feeling, and do what they were already doing.  It’s a bit like “Eat, Pray, Love”!!!

Rahul, India is not a safe country for women. How do you ensure the safety of women on your tours? Give me practical aspects of your security procedures?

Yes, India is facing a major problem with women’s security, and we wish to do our best to be a part of the change in consciousness towards the removal of this problem. Usually, our women travelers do not face any issue, as we travel in groups, and they are mostly in very safe areas, with us.  If we are helping a single woman traveler navigate her way towards India, we try to connect her to the best people and services, wherein her risk is minimized. Until now, fortunately, there have been no negative incidents in the last 5-6 years since our inception.

Why does the world need art, music, spirituality, and getting in touch with these things?

The world needs these, like music, for example, is one of the easiest ways to connect to oneself, and thereby to one’s godliness. As a result, spiritually charged devotional music from any tradition helps us to feel rejuvenated in spirit, to take care of our negative emotions, and help cross over the difficult times. Nanak, the great Saint, and founder of Sikhism used to often say that just by listening to the Lord’s name, one can become perfectly happy and perfect!

I think art can really help in catharsis and helping one unload both the beauty and the darkness within. Ditto for spirituality.  The greater we are attuned with the cosmic truth, the happier, more contented, and dynamic we become!

Talk to me about food? I am sure spirituality means taking care of your own body?

Jerry, I have learned slowly how important food is. Gurumayi, says that we mostly only need about 60-70% of the food that we eat. The rest is just our hunger for God, for truth.

I feel if we eat too much, or not the right combinations we become tamasic, lazy, in inertia, and slowly degrade ourselves and our minds.

While eating light vegetarian meals, we remain uplifted, sparkly, and can have a stronger cognitive ability, provided we combine that with the right thinking and feelings!  I am experimenting more with foods these days and enjoying the effects.  For example, I am more of a pitta type person, a fiery type, so lessening caffeine has been beneficial, so has decreasing spicy foods. I have also incorporated a self-massage 2-3 times a week, called Abhyanga, from the ancient Ayurvedic style, which also helps alleviate the daily pent up tensions, and helps remove toxins from the body as well! The results have been amazing!

I believe in loving people unconditionally, getting in touch with my own brokenness, so light can come in, forgiveness, gratitude, peace, patience, kindness, and gentleness. Do we have anything in common?

We have a lot in common Jerry. I do understand and appreciate the Christian principle of “the brokenness” within. We all come enmeshed in our karmas from previous lives and to that, we add on the ignorance of this life. By accepting our brokenness, our not knowing, we open the door for God’s light to come in. To recharge us, to show us our own inner greatness, and to live the Biblical maxim, that we are made in his image. By surrendering the individual will to the Supreme will, we are able to merge ourselves back in him and gain greater and greater joy and love, until only That remains.

Yes, I am trying to work towards unconditional love, and go beyond my own judgments, resentments, past, present, future, and perceptions. It’s a long journey, isn’t it? But it’s become more and more exciting, ever since the name of the Lord has been planted more and more in the heart within!

Many warm greetings from the Kumaon Himalayas and I pray that all is well in Canada and your family, and orbit!

Om Namah Shivaya. (Salutations to the Supreme)

Photo Credits: Ian Espinosa  Mohamed Nohassi  R D  134-3488_IMG by Enayut Rasul CC BY-SA 2.0, Juskteez Vu Jon Flobrant

The post Spirituality, Meditation and Spiritual Growth appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Gardening has taught me so many lessons in life.

I want to give you some quotes from famous people regarding gardening:

I think the true gardener, the older he grows, should more and more develop a humble, grateful and uncertain spirit. – Reginald Farrer

A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all, it teaches entire trust. – Gertrude Jekyll

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. – Greek proverb

Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace. – May Sarton

Introduction

We are one week into fall. As a result, the weather is changing. It is getting darker earlier. The leaves are changing color. In conclusion, it is time to start pruning the garden.

I have been a city boy for most of my life. Therefore, buying a home with a garden was an experience in itself.

We moved in the summer when the flowers and everything in the garden was blooming. However, little did I realize the work involved in maintaining it.

The first year I noticed the grass on my lawn going brown. A neighbor told me he sensed it would be white grubs.  Grubs are larvae of beetles and attack the roots of turfgrass.

Since the home was barely new, the builder had put the sod on the original mud rather than a thick layer of topsoil. As I drove around the hood, the best grass was that which was growing on a thick layer of topsoil.

I took the easy route. I went to a construction site. They were offering free topsoil. It was a weed-infested. Guess what no grass showed up but weeds.

Last year I ordered a whole truck of topsoil. I ordered the best grass seeds. For three weeks in September, I mixed the seed and the topsoil. The lawn looks the best in years.

Lessons learned

We need to build our lives on a solid base. Character is important. Discipline will take us through the hard times.

To have a great garden you must have patience, a nurturing spirit, and a willingness to sweat. Nature provides the sun we provide the water, fertilizer, and hard work. To have a career or to excel in anything, you have to work hard.

To see a small seed become a sprout, a plant, and then a tree that gives fruits and flowers is so encouraging. In the same way to see your project, your kids, or a friendship blossom into something is going to be encouraging.

The garden will go through a cycle. Life has its trials and tribulations. There will be things beyond our control. Mother Nature is a formidable foe when she wishes to be. Drought, wind, insects are some of the challenges. Better to approach an uncertain world with an open mind. Stay flexible.

In the backyard, we had a big sumac tree. What was the couple thinking planting in the backyard? I found out the hard way. About 20 feet away from the tree, shoots started coming. It was destroying my grass. Sumac is an aggressive plant and can take over a garden. It took me a whole month to cut the tree and its roots. Keep aggressive, toxic, and nosy people at a distance.

I love perennials. They show up every year. Make sure you have friends like that. As Debbie battled cancer it was the loyal friends who showed up.

Annuals are planted every year. They look beautiful for a reason and for a specific season. Sometimes, we have people like that in our lives only for a short time, for a season, and for a reason.

The garden hose has many choices; focused, mist, spray. We need to encourage a million times, love a billion times, and rebuke but rarely.

Pruning is very important for the plants and at the right time. When we focus on the simple and the practical, life turns around. We embrace change and allow our lives and hearts to grow. Change is a constant factor in our lives.

Flowers and plants that grow in the desert and in a milder climate cannot be grown here. Different soils, ph. levels, weather patterns all have an impact. All our five fingers are different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Focus on those and have fun. Comparing yourself to someone else will lead to disaster. Accept the fact the world is unfair and monetize skills differently.

I do not grow fruits or vegetables. My mother-in-law grows them. Potatoes and carrots teach what you do not see matters. Pass on the glitz, glamour, volatility, and the unpredictable in your life.

The result of the garden is the choices you make. People can be flowers in your garden or weeds. Pluck the weeds to let everything grow.

You need a bunch of garden tools. Axes, carts, cords, fork, footwear, hoes, rake, spades, shovel, trellis are some of the tools to be efficient. Education along with practical sense, humility, gentleness, kindness, patience, unconditional love, and emotional intelligence goes a long way in being successful in real life and in the workplace.

We can never be experts in every field. Ask for advice read books. Learn from other people’s mistakes. Go ahead and blossom where you are planted.

These are some of the life lessons I have learned from gardening.

The post Life Lessons From Gardening appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Welcome to my series on practical faith. We eat food daily, so we understand food. We have a brother, sister, mother, father, son, or daughter, so we comprehend family. We use money daily, so we know its power. But faith… What is it? For some people, it could be Jesus, Chris Tomlin, Louis Hay, David Crowder,  John Demartini, or Esther Hicks. For others, it could be a get-rich scheme, the secret to success, or a method to manifest abundance.

Over the last 18 months, I have interviewed people from the Hindu, Parsi, Sikh, Mindfulness, Living Arts, Sahaja Yoga, and various denominations of Christianity.

I want to delve into the practical aspects of having faith. Debbie has been fighting cancer for the last seven months. Karen drove in the worst storm, gave up her shift to drive Debbie to her surgery, and stayed with her the whole day. Alison drove 40 minutes to pick Debbie from the hospital. Karen and Alison do not follow any faith. However, the community has rallied around us. Over the last three months, Carolyn created a meal train for us; people are giving us gift certificates, someone is paying for my fence to be repaired, and so on. These people are putting their faith into practice.

Lori Beth runs a faith-based blog to encourage your daily life. She covers diverse topics concerning her faith. I ask her real, deep questions as to how faith can be put to practice, God’s power, building faith, and feelings are not facts.

Lori, please talk to me about what faith is. I find faith is easy to preach, even easier to write and read about. Living it day in and day out and practicing peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity, forgiveness, compassion, and serving others. That is when the rubber hits the road. Please comment?

Faith means having a belief in something that you cannot necessarily see at the moment. The Bible says that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.

Faith is easy to preach and write about. The real test comes in living it out. I think when someone truly yields their life to God and relies on the Holy Spirit, it makes living this out possible. I consider myself to be someone who has a strong faith in God, yet this does not mean I am perfect. I have my days where I feel I’m on a mountaintop, obeying God, serving others, and showing love. But then there are days I find myself getting impatient, acting in the flesh, disobeying God’s instructions, etc. And I believe this is just part of being human and battling with the sinful nature. When these things happen, I am convicted to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness and lean on God’s help to overcome. I think having faith in God is what keeps me going and it helps me- to not give up on God, and not give up on myself. It is possible to live a life of victory in faith when you consistently go to your source (God) no matter what. For example, if I have to forgive someone who hurt me deeply, I cannot do this on my own strength. But when I go to God and say “Lord, help me see this person how you see them. Help me to let this go and cast this onto you. I cannot handle this but you can,” there is a power in doing that and then I am able to show forgiveness. This does not mean it is easy. This does not mean it is instant either. But it means it is possible. I have to rely on God and my faith in Him more than relying on my own feelings. 

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Faith does not always protect us. Talk to me about this statement because sometimes we get confused?

Bad things happen to everyone no matter what. Because we live in a broken world, even Christians will face hardships and suffering. 

I think it’s important to know that as Christians, sometimes a lot of bad happens to us because we are being attacked by the enemy. God can certainly deliver us from these attacks and/or show us how to overcome the attacks and fight through them. What I love is the phrase “You take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good”. We see Joseph say this in the book of Genesis. 

It is important to understand as I stated before that a lot of bad happens due to living in a broken world. When Adam and Eve sinned, sin entered the earth. This left us all open and vulnerable to an imperfect place to live in. So we are not immune to sickness and pain. Bad happens as well because sometimes God is testing our faith. If we never faced hardships, our faith would not grow. We would have no reason to cling to God and focus on him if we lived in perfect earth. I think a lot of times we face tribulations because God wants to humble us, prune us/ cleanse us, and mature us. 

What is the difference between North American Christianity and individualism and the real Christianity of embracing suffering, being humble, and turning the other cheek?

Sometimes North American Christianity can be very self-focused. We may not say it aloud, but sometimes we act and believe as if God was the one created in order to make us happy. We like being comfortable and in control of our lives. We often forget that we are the creation. We exist for Him, not the other way around. We exist to worship Him, have fellowship with Him, and glorify Him with our lives. Sometimes that includes a lot of suffering. We can’t think suffering is a terrible thing, because truthfully suffering is what purifies us and draws us closer to God than ever before. To endure suffering for God is something that is honorable. I think North American Christianity gets mad at God for allowing suffering. While real Christianity understands that this world is not our home, so we will have to endure a lot of pain on this earth. The solution is not to run from it but find God in the midst of it. He is very present in our pain. The Christians in the book of Acts endured countless amounts of suffering, especially Paul. He was beaten, flogged, jailed, ridiculed, and killed. This was a man who loved God more than anything and look at what he had to endure. The disciples who walked with Jesus on this earth were also killed for their faith. But they were able to spread the gospel message and that is what mattered. Sometimes we as Christians can be very worldly in our thinking patterns and in what we expect from God. But when we decide to truly study the Scriptures, our minds can be renewed and we can be set free as we find what it truly means to be a Christian. 

The older I get I realize I need to become intentional to have health, friendships, relationships, and everything else. The old adage just pray about it, trust, and read your bible does not cut it anymore. Help me understand this better?

Praying about situations, reading the Bible, and trusting God are the first steps to anything important. These are the foundations of the faith. In order to have health, praying about it is a place to start. Then, you take action. This could mean exercise, cutting things out of your regular diet, being disciplined to say no to sugar, etc. 

The same goes for friendships and relationships. I pray a lot about those things. The Word shows us how to be a good friend and how to truly show love in our relationships. Then putting our faith and what we have learned in the Word into action is important. It’s not enough to just know the right thing, it’s about putting it into practice. I have prayed a lot about purposeful friendships. I find that God always brings someone into my life when I pray for it to happen. Now, this does not mean I sit at home and a new friend just comes to my door of course. It means maybe I seek someone out at church, I join a new small group or ministry, or volunteer somewhere and start seeking out friends. So the action steps are important but praying that God leads is always the right place to start. 

Instagram is the land of selfies and the likes. Is that good for us? Should we really judge our worth with likes?

Instagram can be very damaging if we are not careful about guarding our hearts against pride. I think sometimes we incorrectly believe we are somehow more important when people pay attention to us on social media. If we struggle with insecurity, we may be using those likes as fake validation. When really, it’s a silly thing to do. Our worth is not found in likes, but it’s found in Jesus Christ. Jesus died and shed His blood for each one of us. He sees us as worthy. His thoughts of us need to matter more than anyone else’s. His approval is what matters, not the approval of man. So I would say it’s kind of dangerous to judge our worth in social media. Social media can never deliver us from insecurity, only a relationship with Jesus and knowing our true identity can do that. 

I love your article concerning the single woman. Talk about your own experience through that whole process?

Although I am currently married (just a few months in, I’m a newlywed), being single was one of the things that I struggled with a lot. I write about it in hopes to encourage others with my story. 

When I was single, I had a season where I was content with that. I became very close to God and learned how to love Him above all things. I allowed Him to fill my voids, just by prayer, spending time in worship, and focusing on Him. There was a point where I truly did not want to date anyone because all I wanted was more of God and I did not want any distractions. 

Then eventually, that faded as I got really caught up in my feelings. I got caught up in looking at everyone else’s lives. I especially got caught up at my age. People would ask me why I wasn’t married yet and that began to bother me. I felt pressure from those around me, and I also started to feel lonely and began to dwell on that loneliness. So I started compromising, lowering my standards and started dating just because I did not want to be alone anymore. I did not try to necessarily date Christian men, but men who seemed decent and would give me attention. After a few breakups, I found myself very broken. I realized I was forcing relationships out of loneliness. None of the men I dated were truly anything that I knew God wanted for me. I had always envisioned myself with a strong man of God, with someone who could lead me, pray with me, and seek the Lord with me. I dated men who weren’t sure if they even believed in God and some that did but just did not seem to fit well with me. 

Eventually, I had to lay down those relationships. I felt very rejected during this time and I had to come to the conclusion none of them could truly give me the love my heart needed. I was very desperate for a man more than God, and that mentality had to change. 

I started to do a few things to change. I fasted and prayed. I joined a group of young women my age in a bible study and we met weekly, discussing topics that were important to us and strengthened our faith.  I got a life coach who walked me through the reasoning behind my decisions. She encouraged me to wait on a godly man and not lower my standards. I resolved that the next man I would give a chance to would have to meet those standards of being a strong believer and that I could truly see a future with him. 

At this point, I was 30 years old. I was seeking a lot of new things in my life, such as a new job and a new location. I was praying and fasting for God to open those doors. I also began to pray and fast specifically for a godly husband. That year, God opened the door for me to move, get a new job, and eventually meet a great godly man in my new location who would become my husband. I love my husband and one of the best things about Him is his strong faith in God. He pushes me closer to God and does not try to take God’s place in my life. That is exactly what I wanted. So, I’m very glad I did not settle many years ago out of loneliness and out of the pressure from others to hurry up and be with someone. It takes a strong person to hold up their standards and not lower them. 

I am really a loyal person and sometimes wanted my friends from kindergarten to still be close. However, some relationships are there for a reason and for a season so no use chasing those relationships. What is your opinion on that?

It’s hard to accept that some friends really only come for a season. When we move to another area, another church, another job, we make new friends and it can be hard to keep in touch with old ones. That does not mean it’s impossible of course, I still have friends in different locations. But when you reach out to someone and they don’t respond, or it seems you are just drifting away and keeping in touch seems more forced than something natural, it might be a sign it was a seasonal friendship. And it’s okay to accept that and move on. It’s not a good idea to chase people unless the Holy Spirit is putting on your heart that you really need to remain connected to that person. This is possible. Sometimes hurdles present themselves but if God is putting in your heart that you should not cut that connection then you should listen. 

You are one of the few female bloggers that have written about sexual purity. It has always been part of the male domain. Talk about the harm that kind of lifestyle can lead us?

There is a lot of harm that comes from sexual sin. I think one of the most important truths to recognize is that if you are in sexual sin, this hinders your intimacy with God. It’s very hard to be close to God if you are living that lifestyle because you are compromising by disobeying His Word. You are sinning against your own body and not valuing yourself. God’s will is that we all draw near to him, be satisfied with him, and live an abundant life of victory. But when you are in sexual sin, you are very distracted. I’ve heard the phrase, “How can you cast out a demon you are sleeping with?” And I believe that is a powerful statement.  As Christians, we have to be focused on doing the will of God for our lives and having a close relationship with God. Our vision can become clouded when we are in sexual sin. This sin can keep us bound to people who God never intended to be in our lives. It also causes a lot of emotional pain. Women, in particular, become very clingy to men they are sexual with. Then when that man breaks their heart, they are left with so much pain that is hard to overcome. Sex bonds you to a person through the hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is released during sex. Because of this, it is not easy to forget someone you are with. Then in the future, you might bring all that baggage into a marriage. Also, women are usually longing for security in a relationship and think that if they have sex with the man maybe he will stay around forever. But if we give ourselves away so easily, and that man has no reason to stay committed, he can use you and move on while you are left chasing him. I have experienced the pain of sexual sin in the sense that I felt a lot of guilt, shame, and I felt a wall in my relationship with God. It took me many years to overcome it and finally feel strong again. The most damaging effect it had on me was the wedge it created between me and the Lord, and it stunted my growth. This left me feeling very broken. So I talk about sexual purity because this is an issue that must be spoken about among women. We can avoid a lot of pain and brokenness when we save ourselves and resolve to live a life of purity. It is possible with God’s help and leaning on Him. 

I truly believe more harm has been done in this world through insecurity. You talk a lot about it.  Walk me through that maze of insecurity?

Oh yes, insecurity is one of the most damaging things that humans deal with. I think it’s very common. I have dealt with many insecurities stemming from childhood. I had thoughts that told me I was less than others, that I was ugly, and I was not worth much. Some of it derived from growing up in a home with a lot of conflicts. Some of it came from constant comparison towards those around me. I believe the devil has tried to use that against me to kill my confidence. He does this to many others as well. When we are insecure, we are constantly unsure of ourselves. We are not firm in our decisions, we have a hard time speaking up about things, and have difficulty connecting with others. It can keep us from doing the will of God in our lives. If we feel we aren’t good enough for a certain position or ministry, that is stemming from a place of insecurity. Many people know they are gifted but are afraid to use their gifts because of insecurity. Insecurity can also keep a girl in a bad relationship and chasing boys that are no good because she does not know her worth. In one season of my life, I was that girl. God helped me overcome insecurity by going to a retreat when I was younger. I also learned to speak the Word of God aloud and believe it. At one point in my life, I decided to fast, pray, and read books about my identity in Christ and godly confidence. 

God showed me where my insecurity was coming from and I had to deal with some past painful experiences. I would not say “I have arrived”, but the battle is not as intense as before. I stay in freedom by remembering the Word and prayer and casting down thoughts that don’t agree with God’s Word. God has taken me a long way. I have learned my worth is in Him and I definitely feel more secure in myself as an adult. 

Prayer and being silent have been practiced since the beginning of time. Talk to me about the advantages and how it helps us?

Prayer is so powerful. When we just sit with God in his presence, He is able to speak to us and shows us things. When we get quiet with Him, we are able to deal with things in our hearts that He can reveal to us. We are able to find the true peace and healing that we need. Whenever I am stressed, I recharge by having alone time with God in my room. I put on worship music, I talk to him, then just sit and listen. I find myself always feeling stronger and more focused after I do this.  I try to make this a more regular habit. I think for any Christian, prayer is like your oxygen. And alone time with God is necessary. If we don’t do it, we will certainly feel negative effects in our attitudes and our minds. 

We may never have all the answers. I am ok with it. Instead of why me I say what now. Walk me through this statement?

To get away from saying “Why me” and saying “What now”, is a really good thing to do. When we are stuck on “Why me?” we can get stuck in self-pity and bitterness. It can lead us to get angry with God and feel like our circumstances are unfair. But truthfully sometimes we will never know why some painful things happen to us. We have to make that decision to trust in God and ask Him how to get through it and move forward. God will always use our pain for good when we trust Him with it. God is faithful to work things out in our lives no matter how bad it looks like in the present moment. When we can release our “Why me?” to God, and instead ask God “What now?” this gives God the liberty to steer us in the right direction. God may be wanting to show you how to overcome the pain so that you can comfort others who are in the same pain. It’s often where you feel the most broken that you are able to minister to others. It’s often when you are going through the fire that God is molding you and making you more mature. It’s one thing to say we have faith, it’s another to hold onto that faith no matter what happens in our lives. I think God is pleased when we choose to trust Him no matter what. 

I’ve heard a story of a young wife who became a widow when her husband died unexpectedly. She now leads a ministry serving other young widows and telling them about how Jesus helps her with the pain. I heard a story of a young man whose wife died, and at first, he was broken. Of course, I am sure it still hurts. But God told him to use his energy to start a homeless ministry and he was able to bless those people in many ways. You just never know who you can help out of your brokenness, but have to trust God has a plan. 

The post Practical Faith appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Prayer is a form of communication or supplication directed toward a deity, higher power, or divine being. It is a practice that is often associated with religious or spiritual traditions and is found in various forms across different cultures and belief systems.

In prayer, individuals express their thoughts, feelings, gratitude, requests, or devotion to the object of their worship. Prayers can take many forms, including spoken words, silent thoughts, rituals, or written expressions. The content and purpose of prayers can vary widely, ranging from seeking guidance, expressing gratitude, asking for assistance, seeking forgiveness, or simply fostering a sense of connection with the divine.

Different religions and spiritual traditions have their specific practices and beliefs regarding prayer. In some traditions, prayer may involve specific rituals, gestures, or recitation of sacred texts. In others, it may be more personal and spontaneous. Overall, prayer serves as a means for individuals to connect with their spiritual beliefs, seek comfort, and find a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives.

I talked to Pastor Beth Graf about prayer.

Beth, a pleasure having you onboard. Please share with my audience a little about you?

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for 26 years.  I’m a mom to two amazing teenagers. I’m a former E.C.E. and Kindergarten teacher. Currently, I’m the Ministry Health Pastor (part-time) at Sanctus Church and a certified Spiritual Life Coach in my private practice. The best part of my life is the incredible adventure of following Jesus Christ for 43 years!

This month you released The Truth About You: God’s Thoughts For You. What is it about? What is the main message? Why should we read it?

I’m thrilled to share that I have recently published a children’s book on Amazon called “The Truth About You: God’s Thoughts For You”. While it’s geared toward younger children, the book is full of “identity-shaping” truths for all ages.

Amazingly, all the words/concepts in this book come from Listening Prayer with my daughter and son when they were 4 to 10 years old.  After they would say their bedtime prayers, we would pause and listen to see what the Lord Jesus wanted to say to them in response. I recorded all the simple, profound truths that came to their child’s hearts. Two years ago, the Lord impressed upon me that He wanted other children to know these same truths, so He inspired me to create this book!

There is also a bonus section at the end for Parents/Caregivers to help their children hear from God for themselves. Children can easily hear from the Lord if they are shown how.

I know you were a pastor for prayer and now a ministry health pastor. I want to know what is prayer.

From my experience, prayer is an authentic, ongoing conversation with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. You speak with honor and transparency to God and He speaks lovingly and truthfully to you.

Your depth of knowing God depends on your choice. Let me explain – To know God the Father and the Holy Spirit intimately, you first must welcome a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God. The reason for this is that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the only thing that makes us perfect and holy again.  When we personally accept Jesus’ sacrifice and invite Him into our lives to lead us, God shifts from being outside of us to the inside of us. This internal dwelling of Jesus Christ is what can make our relationship and prayer life more profound and intimate with God. God is no longer, “the universe” or far away, we can know and experience Him profoundly within.

One final thought, to grow in your prayer life requires making it part of your everyday life. Just like exercising your body or brushing your teeth, make it an intentional holy habit. For me now at this point in my life, it’s like I never hang up the phone on God, I’m communicating with Him and He is sharing with me constantly.

Many people treat God like a genie in a bottle and buy into the prosperity gospel. What should we know about prayer? Do we really need it in our daily lives?

When I was first following Jesus, prayer was all about asking God for what I wanted and for Him to help me with my plans. Now after years of following, surrendering to Him, and becoming more like Jesus, my prayers are often, “God, what do You want? Have Your Way. Your kingdom comes, Your will be done.”

I have tried to release God of all my expectations of Him and what I thought was the way He should answer and respond to my prayers. It just led to such disappointment. Yet, what would our world be like if God were obligated to fulfill the will of every human being? That would be disastrous! Thankfully, the LORD is obligated only to His will. So now when I pray, I ask the Lord what He wants regarding situations and people, listen for His answer, and then pray it back to Him. As a result, I see incredible and specific answers to my prayers.

Let’s be honest. Prayer is not natural. Give us some practical examples of how we can get better at it. How we can make it a habit?

We all seem to make time to brush our teeth, why? Because it’s important for our health and we value our smile.

In making prayer a habit, it’s so important to first realize that prayer is incredibly valuable! For some reason, God has chosen to work with humanity to see His will fulfilled on the earth. Prayers that aren’t prayed, won’t be answered by Him. I used to think that God didn’t really need my prayers and that He was just going to do whatever He wanted anyway. However, as I got to know Him and read the Bible, I realized that although He was Sovereign overall, God still decides to use our feeble prayers to usher in His will on the earth (Matthew 7:7).

Once I realized my prayers mattered, it was motivation to make it a habit.

I recommend the following on how to get better at prayer:

Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to pray.

Be intentionally aware of God’s presence in your everyday life.

Create a prayer rhythm in your schedule. Start simple with a short prayer time once a day. As you find it beneficial, increase the length of time or frequency. For me, I have an intentional prayer time in the morning, as I get ready, where I give God all that I’m facing that day and ask for His help. Before bed, I also get on my knees and unload all the stresses of my day on Him and pray whatever else the Holy Spirit brings to mind.

Make room for spontaneous prayer in your day. As stuff comes up, have an internal conversation with Him or out loud when you’re on your own.

When you don’t know what to say to God, pray for a Bible verse that resonates with you. The Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 is helpful. Writing/journaling prayers are powerful as well.

Help me understand as a pastor what women’s empowerment means to you.

It means fair opportunity, respect, and an equal voice at the table.

The more I read about Jesus, the more I am impressed. He was always surrounded by women. He cared for the prostitute, and the menstruating woman, and talked to them. This was unheard of in His time and culture. What can we learn from this and apply it to the 21st century?

I don’t fully understand why women have always seemed to be “less than” men – not taken as seriously, marginalized, objectified, covered/hidden, silenced, or poorer. We can truly learn from Jesus who honored women and gave them a voice and significant roles to play in His life story and mission. It was an ordinary teenage girl who was chosen as His earthly mother and a former prostitute who was first given the gospel to share with others that Jesus was alive from the dead.

Jesus empowered the marginalized, those that others would overlook or even reject. He loved them, taught them, and then entrusted them with His mission of sharing the good news of His salvation. Jesus had both male and female followers who were valued and called to fulfill His vision. We’re all in this together.

You have been married for a while and are a mother. Please give my audience three practical tips on being a mother and wife.

As a wife and mother:

Ask God to help you be unselfish and give you wisdom all the time.

Communicate honestly, respectfully, and kindly – treat your husband and kids the way you want to be treated.

Let go of control. There are seasons when children are young and need you to protect them but as they grow, give them space to breathe, discover, and take risks. Don’t feel the pressure to change your husband. Leave him and your kids in the trustworthy hands of God and be free of worrying over them.

Beth, we can read our Bible, trust God, and pray all we want. However, we have to be intentional in dealing with our issues, hurt, pain, anger, resentment, and other challenges. Give me some practical examples of how we can do this.

Forgive others – truly from your heart. When you forgive, it’s not that you are agreeing that what happened to you was right, it’s choosing to let the person off your hook and leave them on God’s hook. Un-forgiveness, bitterness, and resentment take up too much emotional energy. Let it go. You’ll find it so freeing not to keep track of every wrong that has ever happened to you. You’ll have more time to think of other things and feel more positive emotions – anger and bitterness are “joy-killers.”

Forgive God and yourself. In our brokenness, we can hold unforgiveness toward God in our heart for times He let us down and allowed things to happen to us that were painful. Release God of your expectations and forgive Him, it’s just a block in your relationship to Him if you don’t. The truth is He’s perfect, He can’t do anything wrong, it’s our pain that distorts our perception. You can’t be perfect, that’s why Jesus lived a perfect life for us and died for our imperfections, that we would be made right with our perfect Creator God. Let yourself go free of unrealistic expectations and ask for Jesus’ help moving forward.

Let go of shame. It makes us hide from God and others. God made you to shine for Him! Ask Him to forgive you and He will.

Renounce lies you believed about yourself through pain and trauma – lies like I’m fat, I’m ugly, I don’t matter, I’m unworthy, What I have to say isn’t important, unlovable, I’m not good enough or I don’t measure up. Like shame, lies keep us from being all God wants us to be. DON’T HOLD BACK, SHINE!

Know the truth about God and who He really is according to Scripture and know the truth about you and how He sees you. Walking in these truths will set you free.

I know you went through a serious physical challenge a couple of years back. Walk me through how you dealt with it and came out thriving at the end of the tunnel?

When I was 27, I came to a place in my life where I wanted to experience God. I knew about Jesus but I didn’t really know Him – there’s a big difference. In desperation, I cried out to the Lord to encounter me. I wanted to know Him and He came to me. His peaceful presence overwhelmed me and as a result, I learned to love Him and His Word – the Bible. I also gained an intense desire to worship Him and put Him first and began to discern His personal thoughts for me and others.

When I was 41 years, I became very sick and started to lose weight for a whole year. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis (bowel disease) and hospitalized in September 2012. I remember when the GI specialist said, “I think I’m going to upgrade your diagnosis to Crohn’s Colitis”. This was devastating because there is no known cure for Crohn’s disease. It felt like he had dropped 2 tonnes on me and that I’d been given a life sentence.

When he left the hospital room, I immediately cried out to God and this was the memorable dialogue that ensued.

Me: “Lord Jesus, I know that what You say is the truest reality! What do You want to tell me right now? I need Your voice.”

Jesus: “HEALED!” (I was astonished!)

Me: “Do You mean the ultimate healing in death?” (I frankly felt so awful and was in so much pain, I wanted to die).

Jesus: “No.”

Me: “Then when will You heal me, God?” (I wanted His healing yesterday).

Jesus: “Soon.”

Me: “Is that according to Your sense of time or my timeline?”

I never got an answer. But from that moment onward, I clung in faith to His word HEALED even though things didn’t initially change. One important thing I remember doing was not agreeing to the doctor’s diagnosis and owning it. I never said ”I have Crohn’s” or “My disease”, instead I would say, “I’ve been diagnosed with Crohn’s Colitis”. I took God’s word to me seriously and I wasn’t going to agree to anything less than HEALED.

Long story short, listening for His voice got me through such a dark time when I was stripped of everything. I couldn’t even mother my children and had to go stay with my parents for 2 months. I was broken so profoundly but I kept hearing God say to me that He would raise me up and that was the bright light at the end of a dark tunnel. I realized that HOPE is imperative. To not have hope is deathly. His voice was so reassuring and hopeful.

Prayer also helped. So many people at my church and my family were praying for me faithfully. I prayed constantly. On multiple occasions, I was blessed to have people visit and pray over me asking God to heal me. Praying against the enemy of my soul and breaking off his legal claim to me was incredibly beneficial too.

Dealing with my emotional pain, especially fear, was healing for me. Science has proven that our emotional brain is the lining of our digestive system and with Crohn’s Colitis affecting my whole digestive system, addressing my emotional baggage was essential.

But ultimately it was God. I remember the day in July 2015, I had spent a rare 5 days in a row alone with Him.  The Holy Spirit lead me in a deep healing experience and I was remarkably set free from a lot of fears in my life and even a spirit of fear. The LORD told me that because I had let Him deal with the root cause of the illness, I could go off Imuran, my medicine. This was very risky because the drug managed the Crohn’s Colitis. But I took a leap of faith and trusted God’s voice over anyone else. That was almost 4 years ago and I’m eating everything. I gain weight and I lose it when I want. I don’t have irritable bowels. I don’t have any further symptoms.

All I can do is praise the LORD and agree with Him – HEALED!!

To sum it up, learning to discern and obey the true voice of the Father, The Son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit, eating well, exercise, dealing with emotional pain/fears, natural supplements/probiotics, medicine, healing prayer – God used all of it to restore me. 

Finally, how do you find balance and place priority in your own life with regard to food faith finance, and family?

I don’t always do this well. It’s tough. I was recently talking with someone and they didn’t like the word balance and it got me thinking. Sometimes there are seasons where you need to give more to your family, sometimes there are seasons when you need to give more to your faith and relationship with God and sometimes you need to focus more on your health.

I don’t know the answer to this, but I do know that the closer I am to God, the more the rest of my life/responsibilities are harmonized.

The post What is prayer? appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.