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	<title>#wisdom Archives - Four Columns of a Balanced Life</title>
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		<title>Compassion: A universal law</title>
		<link>https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/compassion/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[admin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Aug 2024 13:25:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#compassion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#hope]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#kindness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#peace]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#wisdom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-2-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-2-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-2-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-2-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-2-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-2.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Compassion is a deep and complex human emotion, a trait that is instinctual and cultivated and plays a pivotal role in the social fabric of our lives.  It is more than just empathy or sympathy. It is a deep awareness of the suffering of another,&#160;<a class="read-more" href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/compassion/">&#8230;</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/compassion/">Compassion: A universal law</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
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<p class="gizmo-bot-avatar flex h-6 w-6 items-center justify-center overflow-hidden rounded-full juice:h-8 juice:w-8">Compassion is a deep and complex human emotion, a trait that is instinctual and cultivated and plays a pivotal role in the social fabric of our lives.  It is more than just empathy or sympathy. It is a deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the desire to alleviate that suffering. This powerful sentiment transcends cultural, religious, and societal boundaries, fundamental to human connection and moral integrity.</p>
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<p><a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/empowered-unconditional-love/">Love</a>, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/joy/">joy</a>, peace, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/what-is-patience/">patience</a>, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/act-of-kindness/">kindness</a>, goodness, faithfulness, compassion, gentleness, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/humility/">humility</a>, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/authenticity/">authenticity</a>, and self-control are universally appreciated qualities beyond approach.</p>
<p>These qualities are valued because they contribute positively to interpersonal relationships and society. They foster environments where understanding, cooperation, and harmony are more likely to flourish. Cultivating these traits can lead to a more peaceful and productive coexistence, and indeed, there are no laws against such virtues because they universally promote social good. They transcend cultural and legal boundaries, highlighting a shared human aspiration towards a kinder and more compassionate society.</p>
<p>Over the next few weeks, I will focus on these universal qualities and see how they can empower us to be better human beings.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Quotes</strong></h4>
<p>More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate. ― <span class="authorOrTitle">Roy T. Bennett</span></p>
<p>Compassion is the basis of morality. ― <span class="authorOrTitle">Arthur Schopenhauer</span></p>
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<p>Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive. ― <span class="authorOrTitle">Dalai Lama XIV</span></p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>What is Compassion</strong></h4>
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<p>Compassion involves recognizing the pain or difficulty that another person is experiencing and feeling a genuine concern for their well-being. This emotional response often motivates people to take action to help others, whether through small acts of kindness or larger efforts to address systemic issues. It is rooted in humility and the understanding that suffering is a universal human experience.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Compassion in Action to Empower</strong></h4>
<p>Compassion manifests in many ways, from small, everyday gestures to grand humanitarian efforts. You can show it by listening to a friend, offering comforting words, or helping. These small acts, while seemingly insignificant, can profoundly impact the recipient, providing your friend the support and reassurance they need to get through difficult times.</p>
<p>On a larger scale, compassion drives people to engage in charitable work, volunteerism, and advocacy for social justice. It motivates individuals and organizations to address poverty, inequality, and human rights abuses.</p>
<p>Recent studies in neuroscience and psychology have shown that it is not just a social or moral construct but has deep biological roots. The brain’s response to compassion involves areas that are also activated when we experience pleasure or receive rewards, suggesting that acts of compassion are intrinsically rewarding.</p>
<p>Moreover, research has indicated that it can improve mental and physical health. Individuals who regularly engage in compassionate behavior tend to experience lower levels of stress, reduced symptoms of depression, and greater overall well-being.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Self-Care</strong></h4>
<p>An important but often overlooked aspect of compassion is self-compassion, the ability to be kind and understanding toward oneself during times of failure or suffering. Many people find it easier to extend it to others than to themselves, but self-compassion is crucial for overall well-being. It involves recognizing that imperfection and difficulty are part of the human experience and treating oneself with the same care and concern that one would offer to a friend.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Compassion in a Global Context</strong></h4>
<p>In a world increasingly interconnected by technology and global issues, compassion has never been more important. The challenges we face—such as climate change, pandemics, and social inequality—require collective action and a compassionate response that transcends borders. Global compassion involves recognizing the shared struggles of people across the world and taking action to support those who are most vulnerable.</p>
<p>To combat compassion fatigue, it is essential to focus on the positive impact that compassionate actions can have, no matter how small. It is also important to practice self-care and seek support from others when the emotional burden becomes too great. By maintaining a balance between awareness and action, individuals can continue to contribute to a more compassionate world without becoming overwhelmed.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Role of Compassion in Relationships</strong></h4>
<p>Compassion plays a crucial role in building and maintaining healthy relationships. Whether in friendships, family dynamics, or romantic partnerships, compassion fosters understanding, trust, and mutual support. When people approach their relationships with others, they are more likely to listen empathetically, forgive mistakes, and offer help when needed.</p>
<p>In conflicts, compassion can serve as a bridge to reconciliation. By taking the time to understand the other person’s perspective and responding with kindness rather than anger, conflicts can be resolved more peacefully and constructively.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Challenges of Compassion</strong></h4>
<p>Despite its many benefits, compassion is not always easy to practice. It can be difficult to maintain in the face of personal stress, burnout, or when dealing with individuals who may be challenging or harmful.</p>
<p>One of the challenges is finding the balance between caring for others and caring for oneself. Overextending oneself in the service of others can lead to burnout and resentment, which can undermine the very compassion one is trying to cultivate. It is important to set boundaries and recognize one’s limits, ensuring that compassionate actions are sustainable and do not come at the cost of one’s well-being.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>How to cultivate it</strong></h4>
<p>Cultivating compassion requires both intention and practice. It involves developing an awareness of others&#8217; experiences, practicing empathy, and taking action to alleviate suffering. This process can be supported by various practices, such as mindfulness, meditation, and engaging in acts of kindness.</p>
<p>Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and aware of one&#8217;s thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can become more attuned to the experiences of others and more aware of opportunities to practice compassion. Meditation practices, such as loving-kindness meditation, can also help cultivate a compassionate mindset by encouraging individuals to focus on the well-being of others.</p>
<p>Engaging in regular acts of kindness, whether big or small, can also help build compassion. These acts can be as simple as offering a smile to a stranger, helping a neighbor with groceries, or volunteering at a local charity. By making compassion a regular part of one’s life, it becomes a natural and instinctive response to the world around us.</p>
<p>Compassion is a fundamental human trait that connects us with others and drives us to act for the greater good. It is a powerful force for personal fulfillment, social harmony, and global change. While practicing it can be challenging at times, it is also deeply rewarding and essential for a thriving society. By cultivating compassion in ourselves and encouraging it in others, we can create a more caring, just, and connected world.</p>
<p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignnone size-large wp-image-28780" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-1-1-683x1024.png" alt="" width="683" height="1024" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-1-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-1-1-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-1-1-768x1152.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Untitled-Design-1-1.png 1000w" sizes="(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px" /></p>
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<p><a class="a2a_button_x" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/x?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Fcompassion%2F&amp;linkname=Compassion%3A%20A%20universal%20law" title="X" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_pinterest" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/pinterest?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Fcompassion%2F&amp;linkname=Compassion%3A%20A%20universal%20law" title="Pinterest" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_facebook" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/facebook?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Fcompassion%2F&amp;linkname=Compassion%3A%20A%20universal%20law" title="Facebook" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_whatsapp" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/whatsapp?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Fcompassion%2F&amp;linkname=Compassion%3A%20A%20universal%20law" title="WhatsApp" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_dd addtoany_share_save addtoany_share" href="https://www.addtoany.com/share#url=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Fcompassion%2F&#038;title=Compassion%3A%20A%20universal%20law" data-a2a-url="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/compassion/" data-a2a-title="Compassion: A universal law"></a></p><p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/compassion/">Compassion: A universal law</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
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		<title>Real Meaning of Humility</title>
		<link>https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/humility/</link>
					<comments>https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/humility/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[admin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 05 Jul 2023 17:35:59 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#compassion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#humble]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#humility]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#kindness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#selfawareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#wisdom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/?p=26987</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="humility" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Humility is a personal quality or characteristic that involves having a modest view of oneself, acknowledging one&#8217;s limitations, and recognizing the value and contributions of others. It is the opposite of arrogance, pride, and hubris. I received a lunch invite by email recently. I was&#160;<a class="read-more" href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/humility/">&#8230;</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/humility/">Real Meaning of Humility</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="humility" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Untitled-Design.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Humility is a personal quality or characteristic that involves having a modest view of oneself, acknowledging one&#8217;s limitations, and recognizing the value and contributions of others. It is the opposite of arrogance, pride, and hubris.</p>
<p>I received a lunch invite by email recently. I was excited as I had not seen this friend for more than two decades. She had moved to South America and got married and had kids. She had moved back to a city close to me. I got another email from her. One of her friends had an issue that I was coming.</p>
<p>We were all part of a group more than 25 years ago. The friend had an issue with me coming because many years ago she complained about being single. I asked her if she was single in high school, and she said yes. I asked her if she was single at university, and she said yes. I told her that she was the common factor among all the surroundings and to take <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/thrive-by-taking-responsibility/">responsibility</a> for where she was at. This single friend blamed her upbringing and blamed the men in the group for not being good enough.</p>
<p>Your workplace, family, friend circle, and your hood are full of arrogant people. They think they are better, more talented, more educated, smarter, more spiritual, go to the right church with the right doctrine and they have it together.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>How do you define a humble person?</strong></h4>
<p>A humble person tends to have a realistic understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses. They do not feel the need to constantly assert their superiority or seek attention and praise from others. Instead, they are able to appreciate and respect the abilities, accomplishments, and perspectives of others.</p>
<p>Humility often involves an openness to learning, as humble individuals are willing to admit their mistakes and are receptive to feedback and new ideas. They are not afraid to ask for help or admit when they don&#8217;t know something. This willingness to learn and grow contributes to personal and intellectual development.</p>
<p>In addition to how one views themselves, humility also extends to how one treats and interacts with others. Humble individuals tend to be considerate, compassionate, and empathetic. They listen attentively to others, value their opinions, and are not dismissive or condescending.</p>
<p>Practicing humility can foster positive relationships, enhance personal growth, and create a more harmonious and collaborative environment. It is often associated with traits like<a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/kindness-respect/"> kindness</a>, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/patience-is-the-mother-of-all-virtues/">patience</a>, and selflessness.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s important to note that humility should not be confused with low self-esteem or self-deprecation. Humility is about having a balanced perspective of oneself and others, recognizing one&#8217;s strengths without arrogance, and acknowledging one&#8217;s weaknesses without self-deprecation.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Humility is important in life for several reasons</strong></h4>
<p style="text-align: left;">Humility helps us connect with others on a deeper level. When we approach interactions with humility, we show respect, listen attentively, and consider the perspectives and feelings of others. This fosters trust, understanding, and cooperation, leading to stronger and more meaningful relationships.</p>
<p>Humility opens our minds to new knowledge, experiences, and ideas. It recognizes that we don&#8217;t have all the answers and that there is always more to learn. By embracing humility, we become more receptive to feedback, willing to admit our mistakes, and eager to improve ourselves. This mindset promotes personal and professional growth.</p>
<p>Humility allows us to see ourselves more accurately, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses without arrogance or false modesty. It enables us to identify areas where we can improve, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/six-miracles-happen-when-you-see-a-psychotherapist/">seek help</a> when needed, and make better decisions based on a realistic assessment of our abilities. Self-awareness nurtured through humility helps us lead more authentic and fulfilling lives.</p>
<p>In times of conflict or disagreement, humility allows us to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. By humbly considering the perspectives of others, we create an atmosphere that encourages open dialogue, compromise, and collaboration. Humility helps us set aside ego-driven responses and work towards finding mutually beneficial solutions.</p>
<p>Humility is often seen as a positive trait that inspires and influences those around us. When we demonstrate humility, we create an environment that encourages others to do the same. By acknowledging the contributions of others, sharing credit, and showing appreciation, we foster a culture of teamwork, motivation, and support.</p>
<p>Humility helps us navigate challenges and setbacks with grace and <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/resilience-stress-management/">resilience</a>. When we embrace humility, we are better equipped to accept failures as learning opportunities and bounce back from adversity. It allows us to remain grounded, adaptable and focused on finding solutions rather than dwelling on our own ego or pride.</p>
<p>Humility is a crucial trait of effective leaders. Humble leaders prioritize the needs and contributions of their team members, creating a positive work environment. They are approachable, open to diverse viewpoints, and capable of admitting mistakes. Such leaders inspire and motivate others, fostering collaboration and high-performance teams.</p>
<p>Humble individuals are more likely to make better decisions. They consider multiple perspectives and seek input from others before reaching conclusions. By being humble, you can avoid arrogance, rash judgments, and biases that can hinder effective decision-making.</p>
<p>Humility is associated with greater emotional well-being. By recognizing your own strengths and weaknesses without excessive pride, you develop a more realistic self-image. Humble individuals tend to have lower levels of stress, exhibit higher levels of contentment, and experience deeper satisfaction in their achievements.</p>
<p>Humility earns respect from others. When you demonstrate humility, people are more inclined to value your opinions, trust your judgment, and seek your advice. By being humble, you can exert a positive influence on those around you, leading to fruitful collaborations and partnerships.</p>
<p>Humility promotes effective conflict resolution. It allows you to approach disagreements with a willingness to understand the other person&#8217;s perspective and find common ground. By practicing humility, you can defuse conflicts, maintain positive relationships, and foster a culture of cooperation.</p>
<p>Humility helps cultivate gratitude and appreciation for the contributions of others. You recognize that success is often a result of collective efforts, and you acknowledge and express gratitude for the support and assistance you receive. This mindset promotes a sense of interconnectedness and enhances your overall well-being.</p>
<p>Overall, humility plays a vital role in promoting positive relationships, personal growth, self-awareness, collaboration, and resilience. It allows us to approach life with an open mind, treat others with respect, and continually strive for self-improvement.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>A humble person has the following traits</strong></h4>
<p>Self-awareness: Humble individuals have a clear understanding of their strengths and weaknesses. They acknowledge their limitations and are open to learning from others.</p>
<p>Modesty: Humble people do not boast or seek attention for their achievements. They downplay their accomplishments and give credit to others when it is due.</p>
<p>Open-mindedness: Humility fosters an open mind, allowing individuals to consider different perspectives and ideas. They are willing to listen to others and are not rigid in their beliefs.</p>
<p>Empathy: Humble individuals have a genuine concern for others. They are sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around them and demonstrate compassion and understanding.</p>
<p>Gratitude: Humble people express <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/attitude-of-gratitude/">gratitude</a> for the opportunities, blessings, and contributions of others. They appreciate the help they receive and acknowledge the value of teamwork and collaboration.</p>
<p>Teachability: Humble individuals have a thirst for knowledge and continuous improvement. They are receptive to feedback and constructive criticism, recognizing that there is always room to grow and learn.</p>
<p>Humble Confidence: True humility does not mean lacking self-confidence. Humble individuals have confidence in their abilities but do not feel the need to prove themselves or seek validation from others.</p>
<p>Service-oriented: Humble people often prioritize serving others before themselves. They are willing to lend a helping hand, contribute to the greater good, and put the needs of others before their own.</p>
<p>Non-judgmental: Humble individuals refrain from quick judgments or harsh criticism of others. They understand that everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and they approach others with kindness and understanding.</p>
<p>Approachability: Humble people are generally approachable and easy to communicate with. They create an environment where others feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, ideas, and concerns without fear of judgment.</p>
<p>Humility is a lifelong journey and a virtue that requires continual practice and self-reflection.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center;"><strong>What factors hinder us from being humble</strong></h4>
<p>The ego can hinder us from being humble.</p>
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<p>Ego often leads us to focus primarily on ourselves, our achievements, and our desires. This self-centered mindset can make it difficult to appreciate and acknowledge the contributions and perspectives of others. Humility, on the other hand, involves recognizing our limitations and valuing the worth and abilities of others.</p>
<p>The ego seeks validation and recognition from others, constantly striving to prove its superiority. This drive for external validation can prevent us from admitting mistakes or accepting constructive criticism, as it threatens our ego&#8217;s sense of self-importance. Humility, however, allows us to acknowledge our fallibility and learn from our shortcomings.</p>
<p>Ego often fuels a constant need to compare ourselves to others and come out on top. It leads us to view life as a competition, where we must constantly prove our worth and superiority. This mindset can prevent us from genuinely appreciating and celebrating the successes of others, as we may feel threatened or envious. Humility, on the other hand, enables us to value others&#8217; accomplishments and find joy in their achievements.</p>
<p>The ego can make us resistant to new ideas, feedback, or alternative perspectives that challenge our existing beliefs or ways of doing things. It creates a sense of certainty and inflexibility, as we may feel that admitting ignorance or being open to different viewpoints threatens our ego&#8217;s sense of knowledge or expertise. Humility, in contrast, allows us to approach situations with an open mind, ready to learn and grow from the wisdom and experiences of others.</p>
<p>The ego tends to prioritize our own needs and desires over those of others. It can make it difficult to truly empathize with others and understand their perspectives, as we may be too focused on our own concerns and self-image. Humility fosters empathy by humbling us, helping us recognize the shared humanity and struggles we all face.</p>
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<p>Paradoxically, insecurity can also hinder humility. People who feel insecure may overcompensate by projecting a false sense of confidence or superiority. They may avoid admitting mistakes or weaknesses, fearing it will make them appear vulnerable or inferior.</p>
<p>The fear of failure or rejection can lead individuals to adopt a defensive or self-protective attitude. This can make it challenging for them to admit when they are wrong or to seek feedback from others. They may be more concerned with preserving their image or avoiding criticism than with being humble.</p>
<p>Living in a society that often emphasizes competition and comparison can make it difficult to maintain humility. When individuals constantly compare themselves to others and strive to outperform them, it can fuel a sense of superiority or entitlement, diminishing their humility.</p>
<p>If someone is unwilling or unable to reflect on their actions, behaviors, and beliefs, they may struggle to recognize areas where they can improve or acknowledge the contributions of others.</p>
<p>Achieving success or recognition can sometimes lead to a sense of entitlement or superiority. When individuals experience continuous validation or praise, they may become less inclined to be humble and more prone to arrogance.</p>
<p>The people and environment we surround ourselves with can impact our humility. If individuals are constantly surrounded by those who reinforce their ego, promote a culture of entitlement, or discourage introspection, it can hinder their ability to remain humble.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s important to note that humility is a virtue that can be cultivated and practiced.</p>
<p>Go ahead and practice humility and become empowered in every area of my life. Unlike my friend who is still single 25 years after our conversation.</p>
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		<title>Lorie Hartshorn</title>
		<link>https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/lorie-hartshorn/</link>
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		<pubDate>Sun, 15 May 2022 04:00:11 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[#broken]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[#spiritualbattle]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="lorie hartshorn" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-600x314.png 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Lorie Hartshorn is a lover of Jesus, her family, and the local church. As an international speaker and author, her primary passion is to make Jesus known. She loves to see people grow in faith and experience spiritual freedom. Sunshine, books, cottage, food, and conversation&#160;<a class="read-more" href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/lorie-hartshorn/">&#8230;</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/lorie-hartshorn/">Lorie Hartshorn</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="lorie hartshorn" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14-600x314.png 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-14.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Lorie Hartshorn is a lover of Jesus, her family, and the local church. As an international speaker and author, her primary passion is to make Jesus known. She loves to see people grow in faith and experience spiritual freedom. Sunshine, books, cottage, food, and conversation bring her joy! I ask Lorie about life, changing careers, marriage, motherhood, and becoming a grandmother.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Lorie, welcome to my Women of Wisdom series. Please tell my audience a little about you.</strong></span></h4>
<p>Well, I wear many hats!  A woman of faith, wife, mom of grown children, gramma of 2 baby girls (my favorite), <a href="https://loriehartshorn.com/">speaker</a>, <a href="https://loriehartshorn.com/lorie-speaks/">writer</a>, TV Host, Pastor, Leader, Educator, Fundraiser, Teacher… that sounds exhausting!  LOL</p>
<p>The truth is, what I do is a part of who I am.  It just looks different from season to season.  I love nature, long walks, reading, sharing food and conversation with others, spending time at my cottage, and campfires!</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Walk me down your career path from a teacher, to an executive, to a minister, and now a TV anchor?</strong></span></h4>
<p>I’ll take you back to my childhood when I would set up a school in my basement and make worksheets for all the neighborhood kids to fill out!  My dad installed a chalkboard, so I was the coolest teacher on the block and I was 11!  With my desire to teach from a very young age and a heart for God, I wasn’t sure if I was to be a missionary or a teacher so I decided to go to a school where I could combine my faith and my desire to teach.  It took me to the States where I got my undergraduate degree in Education and Biblical Studies along with a Bachelor of Education degree from the University of Nebraska.  Yes, &#8211; Cornhusker Football and all!!</p>
<p>I then returned to Canada and started my teaching career in a private Christian School.  It was there that I started doing theatre arts productions with the students which led to 25 years of producing, writing, and directing choirs and theatrical plays, both in schools and in the church setting.  I love storytelling and this was one of the ways that I could tell stories and also equip and empower others to tell inspiring stories.</p>
<p>I wasn’t looking to be a fundraiser, I mean, who would!  But when I was asked to raise money for the school I was working at, I went to a one-day workshop and the presenter asked the question, ‘How many of you love to raise money?’&#8230;two keeners raised their hands&#8230;then he asked the question, ‘How many of you could raise friends for your organization?’ &#8211; my hand flew up!  That was it!  I was a friend-raiser!  I had the privilege of raising friends for schools and then it opened a door for me to lead a Canadian Non-Profit organization, called EQUIP Leadership Canada, founded by Dr. John C. Maxwell.  It was amazing to train and equip leaders both nationally and internationally with biblical leadership principles.  It was in this season that my speaking ministry started to grow.  So, my storytelling and teaching skills continued to be used in a new setting.</p>
<p>Then came the call to Pastor.  I have always served in the church and in many ways, I have pastored people for years but this was a new role and call to the office of a Pastor.  For 5 years I used my leadership skills as well as speaking in a large church in Canada, C4 Church, which I still attend.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>You speak at many women&#8217;s conferences. What is your message and why should we listen to it? </strong></span></h4>
<p>My main message would be for people to experience spiritual freedom in their lives.  I’m a Bible teacher, so everything I teach is based on the Word of God.  I believe the scriptures are not only true but powerful to change people’s lives.  I had a wake-up call in my life in the years that my kids were teenagers and young adults.  We raised our kids in the church but each of them took a turn away from their faith for a number of years and made some very poor choices.  We were facing addiction to drugs and alcohol and some very painful circumstances that caused me to question, not only my parenting but my faith.  It was an essential wake up call to me that spiritual warfare is real and the enemy of our souls was out to destroy our family.  I have always been a praying person but this changed the way I prayed.  Both my husband and I got really serious about prayer and rather than being overwhelmed by the painful circumstances, we saw God do miraculous things.  We saw him deliver our kids from addiction and mental turmoil and do a transformative thing in each of our lives.  This changed me at my core.  I believe in the power of Jesus to save us not only from our sins and give us new life but also to defeat the enemy who loves to keep us living a powerless Christianity.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? </strong></span></h4>
<p>Well, I already shared a little of my motherhood experience.  So, suffice it to say, I love being a mom but being a Gramma &#8211; or Glamma &#8211; is the best!!</p>
<p>Mothering and Grandmothering make you real!  Like the advice the skin horse gave to the little stuffed rabbit in, <em>The Velveteen Rabbit </em>by Margery Williams, “<em>by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don&#8217;t matter at all, because once you are Real you can&#8217;t be ugly, except to people who don&#8217;t understand.&#8221;</em><em> </em></p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>I have heard you talk about the challenges with your kids and how you have overcome them. please help us as we deal with challenges with our kids?</strong></span></h4>
<p>As parents, we do a lot of guilt but I have learned that it’s not all about me!  There’s a novel thought.  It’s important to deal with your own stuff so that you can better help your kids face their stuff but in the end, your kids make choices.  Some you agree with, some you don’t.  We are called to love unconditionally.  When you experience the love and grace of God for yourself, and really learn to receive that love and walk in it, then you have so much more to give to your kids and grandkids.  Live loved and you’ll love others better.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>You have been married for quite a while, give me some practical tips on having a successful marriage?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Dean and I have been married for 33 years!  Time flies when you’re having fun.  Ok, it’s not all fun.  But again, it is about learning to love and be loved.  You have to keep it real in marriage.  Don’t be disillusioned by Hollywood or social media.  Love is a choice.  You chose every day to love your spouse.  You may not always like them <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f642.png" alt="🙂" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />  Or agree with them.  But you can choose to love and honor them in spite of your differences.  We keep choosing love.  We keep growing too.  Deal with your stuff!  Get to a counselor.  Talk to wise people and avoid fools!  You can’t give what you don’t have, so always keep learning and becoming more emotionally healthy so you can give that to your marriage and you’re guaranteed to win.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>You are an amazing communicator. How important is communication in our daily lives, work, business?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Thank you!  I believe that stories change lives.  When we tell a story, people lean in and often say, ‘me too’.  When a story brings hope then that transfers to another life.  So, to me, communication is driven by what’s in your heart.  For some communication is simply about dumping a whole lot of information or demonstrating what they think they know and perhaps hoping it will make them look good.   But I think communication is a gift that is intended to create connections.  If our goal is to sincerely connect with others and it’s motivated by love and not ego, then I believe it’s the greatest gift we can offer another human being.  Communication happens not only in what you say but how you say it.  It’s noticing people, it’s considering where they are at and trying to step into their shoes.  I don’t always do that well, but I’m learning.</p>
<p>John Maxwell said it so well, ‘Everyone communicates but few connect’.  My desire has always been to connect.  Whether I’m speaking one on one or to a large crowd or to a TV camera.  I simply want to connect with a message of love and hope.  I want people to lean in and say ‘me too’ and reach for the hope and healing that is offered to them.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Tell us about your TV show and what are you trying to accomplish?</strong></span></h4>
<p>The 700 Club Canada is a daily Christian TV show that airs nationally across Canada.  Its goal is to share the good news of Jesus Christ across our nation and beyond.  I love the program because it uses people’s stories or testimonies to demonstrate to others that God is real, that He loves them, and that Jesus is truly the way to freedom, to forgiveness and to a right relationship with God.  I love interviewing people and sharing stories….see the theme&#8230;and the best story in the world is the story that the Bible tells.</p>
<p>In simple terms, here is the message of the bible for some of your readers that may not be familiar.</p>
<p>We live in a broken world.  We can see it all around us, broken relationships, sickness, wars, etc. but God never intended it to be that way.  God’s original design for this world was that we would be in a loving perfect relationship with Him.  But God gave us a choice and that perfect relationship was broken when the first humans chose to do things their own way.  The bible calls that sin and it put us all into brokenness and separates us from God.  We all want a way out of brokenness and for some that means, sex, money, power, or success&#8230;but all of these things just boomerang us back into brokenness.  But God made a way out of brokenness!  He sent His son Jesus into this world to model for us what it looks like to live in a loving relationship with God.  Jesus was perfect but He chose to die for us on the cross and took all our brokenness on Himself.  All our sins, all our failures, all our pain&#8230;He took it on himself.  Then he rose again and overcame death and He asks us to believe in what He did on the cross and to turn away from our brokenness and to make Jesus the Lord and leader of our life.  When we do that we experience saving!  We are rescued from our sin, our brokenness, all because of what Jesus did and we are given the Holy Spirit to help us then live the life God intended for us and puts us back into the right relationship with God.  It’s the only way to live.  It brings freedom and healing!</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>In your book, you talk about spiritual warfare, help me understand this better?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Spiritual warfare is the reality that there are two kingdoms in conflict.  The kingdom of God and the kingdom of Satan.  The Bible unpacks for us how this all went down but to put it in simple terms, we can only serve one king, so will it be God or Satan.  We have to ask ourselves the question, which kingdom do you belong to?  Jesus came to earth to destroy the kingdom of Satan and He accomplished that by going to the cross.  Satan thought he had won when Jesus died&#8230;but He wasn’t prepared for Easter!!  Jesus rose again and defeated Satan.  We are then told that we have to choose who we will follow, God or Satan?  For many, they don’t think it’s that dramatic&#8230;I mean, if I’m a good person just minding my business, what’s the big deal?  Well, that’s spiritual ignorance or blindness and the enemy doesn’t want you to know that you are essentially in a cosmic battle and on the losing side. Unless you chose to follow Jesus.  He&#8217;ll lead you to the Father and to freedom.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family in the 21st century?</strong></span></h4>
<p>I don’t really like the word balance &#8211; as that assumes all things are equal.  I prefer the word priorities.  Faith is my overriding priority.  I also love food and believe it is a gift from God for us to enjoy, so I seek to honor God with my body and eating good food and living a healthy lifestyle pleases Him and enables me to be the person He designed me to be.  Money is also a gift from God and when we view it as a tool that we can master, rather than having it master us, then we can enjoy it without it controlling us.  Dean and I made a decision early in our marriage to simply live within our means.  God has honored that and we’ve always had all that we need.  We also believe in living generously, as nothing really belongs to us &#8211; so that frees you up to not be controlled by money but rather to be in control of your money and enjoy blessing others.  And family, well they are one of my biggest priorities.  So, no matter what season I’m in, no matter what job I have, my family is the priority and I’ve never regretted that.  I’ve turned down jobs and chose some different paths in order to keep them the priority and I wouldn’t change a thing.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20907" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-13.png" alt="lori hartshorn" width="735" height="1102" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-13.png 735w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-13-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-13-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Untitled-Design-13-600x900.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /></p>
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		<title>Life Lessons From Gardening</title>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Oct 2021 04:00:58 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-600x314.png 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Gardening has taught me so many lessons in life. I want to give you some quotes from famous people regarding gardening: I think the true gardener, the older he grows, should more and more develop a humble, grateful and uncertain spirit. &#8211; Reginald Farrer A&#160;<a class="read-more" href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/life-lessons-from-gardening/">&#8230;</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/life-lessons-from-gardening/">Life Lessons From Gardening</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1-600x314.png 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Untitled-Design-4-1.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Gardening has taught me so many lessons in life.</p>
<p>I want to give you some quotes from famous people regarding gardening:</p>
<p>I think the true gardener, the older he grows, should more and more develop a humble, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/attitude-of-gratitude/">grateful</a> and uncertain spirit. &#8211; Reginald Farrer</p>
<p>A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/patience-is-the-mother-of-all-virtues/">patience</a> and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all, it teaches entire trust. &#8211; Gertrude Jekyll</p>
<p>A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. &#8211; Greek proverb</p>
<p>Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace. &#8211; May Sarton</p>
<h4><strong><span style="color: #339966;">Introduction</span></strong></h4>
<p>We are one week into fall. As a result, the weather is changing. It is getting darker earlier. The leaves are changing color. In conclusion, it is time to start pruning the garden.</p>
<p>I have been a city boy for most of my life. Therefore, buying a home with a garden was an experience in itself.</p>
<p>We moved in the summer when the flowers and everything in the garden was blooming. However, little did I realize the work involved in maintaining it.</p>
<p>The first year I noticed the grass on my lawn going brown. A neighbor told me he sensed it would be white grubs.  Grubs are larvae of beetles and attack the roots of turfgrass.</p>
<p>Since the home was barely new, the builder had put the sod on the original mud rather than a thick layer of topsoil. As I drove around the hood, the best grass was that which was growing on a thick layer of topsoil.</p>
<p>I took the easy route. I went to a construction site. They were offering free topsoil. It was a weed-infested. Guess what no grass showed up but weeds.</p>
<p>Last year I ordered a whole truck of topsoil. I ordered the best grass seeds. For three weeks in September, I mixed the seed and the topsoil. The lawn looks the best in years.</p>
<h4><strong><span style="color: #008000;">Lessons learned</span></strong></h4>
<p>We need to build our lives on a solid base. Character is important. Discipline will take us through the hard times.</p>
<p>To have a great garden you must have patience, a nurturing spirit, and a willingness to sweat. Nature provides the sun we provide the water, fertilizer, and hard work. To have a career or to excel in anything, you have to work hard.</p>
<p>To see a small seed become a sprout, a plant, and then a tree that gives fruits and flowers is so encouraging. In the same way to see your project, your kids, or a friendship blossom into something is going to be encouraging.</p>
<p>The garden will go through a cycle. Life has its trials and tribulations. There will be things beyond our control. Mother Nature is a formidable foe when she wishes to be. Drought, wind, insects are some of the challenges. Better to approach an uncertain world with an open mind. Stay flexible.</p>
<p>In the backyard, we had a big sumac tree. What was the couple thinking planting in the backyard? I found out the hard way. About 20 feet away from the tree, shoots started coming. It was destroying my grass. Sumac is an aggressive plant and can take over a garden. It took me a whole month to cut the tree and its roots. Keep aggressive, toxic, and nosy people at a distance.</p>
<p>I love perennials. They show up every year. Make sure you have friends like that. As Debbie battled cancer it was the loyal friends who showed up.</p>
<p>Annuals are planted every year. They look beautiful for a reason and for a specific season. Sometimes, we have people like that in our lives only for a short time, for a season, and for a reason.</p>
<p>The garden hose has many choices; focused, mist, spray. We need to encourage a million times, love a billion times, and rebuke but rarely.</p>
<p>Pruning is very important for the plants and at the right time. When we focus on the simple and the practical, life turns around. We embrace change and allow our lives and hearts to grow. Change is a constant factor in our lives.</p>
<p>Flowers and plants that grow in the desert and in a milder climate cannot be grown here. Different soils, ph. levels, weather patterns all have an impact. All our five fingers are different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Focus on those and have fun. Comparing yourself to someone else will lead to disaster. Accept the fact the world is unfair and monetize skills differently.</p>
<p>I do not grow fruits or vegetables. My mother-in-law grows them. Potatoes and carrots teach what you do not see matters. Pass on the glitz, glamour, volatility, and the unpredictable in your life.</p>
<p>The result of the garden is the choices you make. People can be flowers in your garden or weeds. Pluck the weeds to let everything grow.</p>
<p>You need a bunch of garden tools. Axes, carts, cords, fork, footwear, hoes, rake, spades, shovel, trellis are some of the tools to be efficient. Education along with practical sense, humility, gentleness, kindness, patience, unconditional love, and emotional intelligence goes a long way in being successful in real life and in the workplace.</p>
<p>We can never be experts in every field. Ask for advice read books. Learn from other people’s mistakes. Go ahead and blossom where you are planted.</p>
<p>These are some of the life lessons I have learned from gardening.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-15579" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening.png" alt="gardening" width="735" height="1102" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening.png 735w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening-560x840.png 560w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening-80x120.png 80w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Gardening-600x900.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><a class="a2a_button_x" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/x?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Flife-lessons-from-gardening%2F&amp;linkname=Life%20Lessons%20From%20Gardening" title="X" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_pinterest" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/pinterest?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Flife-lessons-from-gardening%2F&amp;linkname=Life%20Lessons%20From%20Gardening" title="Pinterest" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_facebook" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/facebook?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Flife-lessons-from-gardening%2F&amp;linkname=Life%20Lessons%20From%20Gardening" title="Facebook" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_button_whatsapp" href="https://www.addtoany.com/add_to/whatsapp?linkurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Flife-lessons-from-gardening%2F&amp;linkname=Life%20Lessons%20From%20Gardening" title="WhatsApp" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a><a class="a2a_dd addtoany_share_save addtoany_share" href="https://www.addtoany.com/share#url=https%3A%2F%2Ffourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com%2Flife-lessons-from-gardening%2F&#038;title=Life%20Lessons%20From%20Gardening" data-a2a-url="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/life-lessons-from-gardening/" data-a2a-title="Life Lessons From Gardening"></a></p><p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/life-lessons-from-gardening/">Life Lessons From Gardening</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
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		<title>Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom</title>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Feb 2021 05:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="200" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-300x200.jpg" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="zenovia shaw with family" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-300x200.jpg 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-768x512.jpg 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-560x373.jpg 560w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-80x53.jpg 80w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-600x400.jpg 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n.jpg 960w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>February is Black History Month. I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country. Zenovia, welcome to my series on Women With Wisdom. Please tell my audience something about you. My name is Zenovia&#160;<a class="read-more" href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/zenovia-shaw-the-definition-of-wisdom/">&#8230;</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/zenovia-shaw-the-definition-of-wisdom/">Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="200" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-300x200.jpg" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="zenovia shaw with family" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-300x200.jpg 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-768x512.jpg 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-560x373.jpg 560w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-80x53.jpg 80w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n-600x400.jpg 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/53295578_274746776772901_478358399273140224_n.jpg 960w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>February is Black History Month.</p>
<p>I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country.</p>
<h4><strong>Zenovia, welcome to my series on<a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/lorie-hartshorn/"> Women With Wisdom</a>. Please tell my audience something about you.</strong></h4>
<p>My name is Zenovia V. Shaw. I am a 56-year old woman who is passionate about life, family, and purpose. I live in Pickering, Ontario, and I have been married for 31 years. I am a mother and a grandmother.  I became a Christian 27 years ago and have not looked back.<br />
I am self-employed as an esthetician. I love people, travel, gardening, and hosting gatherings&#8230;I am what you call a total extrovert!</p>
<h4><strong>Why is black history month important?</strong></h4>
<p>I believe history is history (from all backgrounds/nationalities) and should be integrated throughout the whole year and taught to everyone; however, I am grateful for the opportunity to have February as black history month.  There has been so much given to the world by black men and women, and their stories are not widely known by the majority of the population.  Great contributions, inventions, and examples of upstanding citizens.  Things I was never taught as a youth to help develop that great sense of pride in my heritage.  So much of what I saw and heard in society or in the media about black people was portrayed in a negative way.  Black history month provides an ‘open door’ for everyone to walk through to educate themselves in hopes of refreshing their views.</p>
<h4><strong>Let’s discuss marriage! </strong><strong>Give my audience some advice on marriage, what to look for, the challenges, how to stick through the thick and thin?</strong></h4>
<p><a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/interview-with-tara-lalonde-author-of-an-unexpected-freedom-discover-peace-and-joy-in-the-meaning-of-life/">Marriage</a> is not to be entered into lightly!  Take more time to focus on the marriage than the wedding.  For the wedding, which lasts for a day, every detail is planned and rehearsed, but too often the preparation for the marriage, which is supposed to last a lifetime, does not get the same level of attention.</p>
<p>Focus on what commitment looks like for a healthy relationship.  Have fun together, laugh, serve God and others together.  It is absolutely fine to say &#8220;I’m sorry&#8221; and &#8220;please forgive me&#8221;.  In the marriage relationship, mutual respect, trust, and consideration are paramount.  When disagreements occur, fight ‘clean and fair’.  Once words are spoken, they cannot be unspoken&#8230;words do hurt!  Another boundary to never cross is physical harm.</p>
<p>Once children enter the equation, the relationship changes as you focus less on each other and take on the responsibility to raise the children.  For us, life threw some curveballs our way, such as financial or health challenges, to test our mettle.  These challenges have all happened in our marriage.  My kidneys failed two years into our marriage.   Having gone through the stages of dialysis and organ transplantation 18 years ago, I am still going strong with the support of my husband, family, and friends.  It is only for the glory of God.  We as a family hung on to God’s word, prayer, promises, love, grace, and purpose.</p>
<p>We agreed as a couple that there will be no back doors in our marriage if we hold on to these principles.</p>
<h4><strong>How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? What were some of the challenges and what did you learn?</strong></h4>
<p><a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/four-practical-tips-on-how-to-be-great-parents/">What a great responsibility! </a> I totally enjoyed every moment of raising our daughter and son, even though our daughter did not sleep through the night for the first 13 months of her life!  It was very exhausting, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep 30 years later.  However, with every stage of their lives (the joys, cuts, bruised knees, colds, chickenpox, hormones, mess-ups, victories, great achievements) I’ve learned to enjoy every minute and still continue to do so.  I understood that God entrusted them to me to enjoy and to teach and train them to know Him.</p>
<p>Now being a grandmother, the emotions of love, adoration, are heightened.   There are no words to describe what I feel for my grandchildren.  All I know is I want them to know how much I love them, how much God loves them and desires them to have a life to the full.</p>
<h4><strong>Please give yourself advice when you were 14, 24, and 34 yrs old?</strong></h4>
<p>Age 14</p>
<p>Focus on school more and not be concerned about other people’s opinions of you.  Don’t even think about boys!</p>
<p>Age 24</p>
<p>Ask my parents more questions about their lives and experiences.  Tell them I love them more.  Find more meaningful ways to express my love for them.</p>
<p>Give that real estate course another chance.</p>
<p>This is a good time to begin saving for retirement.</p>
<p>High five on choosing to date the man I am now married best friends with for 33 years.</p>
<p>Age 34</p>
<p>No one ever plans to suffer illness in life, but these things do happen.  Face your challenge head-on knowing it is happening for a reason and your experience will not be wasted.  You will be able to help others who will go through the same challenges.</p>
<h4><strong>I know faith is very important to you. Walk me through your own journey and what you are learning about it?</strong></h4>
<p>I believe full well that God put eternity on the hearts of man.  Realizing at an early age that the void that I felt in my life was not being filled with…the job, money, things, seeking love and acceptance from man, starting my own family unit.  I somehow knew God had to play a part in the true purpose of being.</p>
<p>I, therefore, embarked on my journey to find a deeper meaning for my existence.  I tried church hopping, to see which denomination was a fit.  I became envious of those who had a deep love for God.   I couldn’t understand why I didn’t (or couldn&#8217;t) develop that type of relationship.</p>
<div class="gE iv gt">
<p>I always believed in the God of heaven but not until I stumbled upon a bible-teaching church did I get to know the character of God and truly who he is.  Once I got to know God and his depth of love for me, my love for him began to grow.   Life began to have genuine joy and purpose.  I was happy due to my circumstances (marriage, kids, etc.), but now, I experience a joy that comes with confidence knowing who I am and what I have in Christ.</p>
</div>
<div id=":x0">
<div class="btm">
<h4><strong>As humans, we were made to connect and be in relationships. However, with social media and modern life is making us more lonely. Give some advice as to how we can become a part of a community?</strong></h4>
<p>As humans, we were made to connect.   That is how we were created.  We are social beings and we weren’t meant to be alone.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p>Social media has given some of the shy types a voice and a presence to express themselves.  It has given those who like to encourage others a platform to reach as many as possible with words of inspiration, pictures of the world around us, greetings, etc. On the dark side, it has been used to hurt and diminish others.</p>
<p>To become a part of a community, I think the key is to become more outward.  Seek to make a difference in some small way.  Focus on giving more than taking.  Beware of the ‘what&#8217;s in it for me’ mentality.  I’ve found that these principles bring true joy and happiness.</p>
<p>Volunteering is a great way to become part of a community.</p>
<ol>
<li>Serve your neighbors (help with snow removal, mow lawns, rake leaves) especially if they are elderly, widows, or special needs.</li>
<li>Visit seniors in nursing homes or retirement homes where loneliness is a real issue</li>
<li>Coach a team</li>
<li>Teach life skills at a local community center</li>
</ol>
<h4><strong><em>Rapid-fire…</em></strong></h4>
<p>Favorite restaurant….Benihana Japanese restaurant</p>
<p>Favorite meal…stew chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, salad</p>
<p>Favorite movie…Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)</p>
<p>Famous person to have a meal with…President Obama</p>
<h4><strong><em>What would I ask:</em></strong></h4>
<p>Moses:  How were you feeling emotionally/physically that brought you to the point of disobedience when you struck the rock when you were directed to speak to it?</p>
<p>Jonah:  Why were you hesitant to go to Nineveh?</p>
<p>Paul:  When you were struck with blindness on the road to Damascus, what were your thoughts and fears?</p>
<p>Mary:  As you watched your son as a toddler, what was one thing he said or did that you stored up in your heart?</p>
<p>Sarah:  How did you feel when you were presented as a sister and not a wife by Abram?</p>
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		<title>Sara Felushko: Registered Professional Counsellor (CANADA)</title>
		<link>https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/grief-recovery-specialist/</link>
					<comments>https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/grief-recovery-specialist/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[admin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2020 14:26:46 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#death]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#griefandloss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#griefjourney]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#griefsupport]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#grieving]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#inspiration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#lifelessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#mentalhealth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#quote]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#wisdom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#wisequotes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#wisewords]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#wordsofwisdom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="grief" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-600x314.png 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Over the last eight months, as I take care of Debbie as she battles cancer, I get a lot of compliments. Oh, Jerry, you are so patient, kind, gentle, compassionate, such a great father, we only wish more men were&#8230;&#8230;.. I smile because most of&#160;<a class="read-more" href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/grief-recovery-specialist/">&#8230;</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/grief-recovery-specialist/">Sara Felushko: Registered Professional Counsellor (CANADA)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com">Four Columns of a Balanced Life</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img width="300" height="157" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-300x157.png" class="webfeedsFeaturedVisual wp-post-image" alt="grief" style="display: block; margin: auto; margin-bottom: 5px;max-width: 100%;" link_thumbnail="" decoding="async" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-300x157.png 300w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-1024x536.png 1024w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-768x402.png 768w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-760x400.png 760w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6-600x314.png 600w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-6.png 1200w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><p>Over the last eight months, as I take care of Debbie as she battles cancer, I get a lot of compliments. Oh, Jerry, you are so patient, kind, gentle, compassionate, such a great father, we only wish more men were&#8230;&#8230;..</p>
<p>I smile because most of these people who make these comments never knew me as a teenager.</p>
<p>For the first 12 years of my life, I drove my two female cousins crazy. I was sent off to <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/bishop-cotton-school/">boarding school</a>. At <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/boarding-school/">St. Andrews</a>, in grade 8, I and a friend of mine went into the girls&#8217; dormitory and lit a whole bunch of crackers. The principal could have barred me but she did not. Every morning she would play badminton with me and my friend.</p>
<p>In grade 9, this same friend and I broke into the kitchen late at night for food. My friend turned the whole cauldron of soup. The principal had every reason to disbar us. She made us assistant prefects for a whole dorm. One late evening while all the boys were asleep,  I tied the pajamas of all the boys together and my friend was flicking the lights. I am sure parents complained to the principal, but she never gave up on us.</p>
<p>In grade 10, the frogs were brought for us to dissect on Monday. On Sunday we broke into the lab and I started grilling the frogs over the bunsen burner. This SAME friend decided to mix pure silver with hydrochloric acid. Next thing I know the whole lab is on fire. My mom got a big bill.</p>
<p>There are countless other things we did. The principal never gave up on us.</p>
<p>Today as my dear friend who trades metals, another prefect who lives in New York and import clothes and another prefect who is in San Fran, we talk and laugh on Whatsapp. We made it this far because the principal never gave up on us.</p>
<p>I met <a href="https://www.sarabeth.ca/sarabeth">Sara</a> in the youth group as a private school brat, spoiled, opinionated, hubris, and super righteous. Sara always laughed, listened and just loved me unconditionally. I honestly believe that I made it through all those insecurities because of her just being there for me.</p>
<p>Sara is the third person in my <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/lorie-hartshorn/">Women</a> of <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/zenovia-shaw-the-definition-of-wisdom/">Wisdom</a> series. Women of Wisdom have been around since the beginning of time. If you look at Jewish culture Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, Miriam, Deborah, and Esther come to mind.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-21889" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/2017-10-20-14.30.51.jpeg" alt="grief" width="320" height="213" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/2017-10-20-14.30.51.jpeg 320w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/2017-10-20-14.30.51-300x200.jpeg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 320px) 100vw, 320px" /></p>
<p>None of the women in my Women of Wisdom series are perfect. They have been chosen because they have been at the top of the mountain and at the bottom. They have been deep in the tunnel and have come out on the other side. They have scars.</p>
<p>Here is my call to action. Read this interview a couple of times. Think of a bete noire or an outlier you know. They are wired differently like me. Reach out and love them unconditionally.  Has someone made a difference in your life? Reach out to them and thank them. How about has someone hurt you or just disappointed you? <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/to-err-is-human-to-forgive-divine/">Forgive</a> them. You will feel <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/thrive-by-taking-responsibility/">empowered</a> and free.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Sara, welcome to my Women of Wisdom series. NO PRESSURE.  Please introduce yourself to my global audience?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Hello Jerry.  It&#8217;s lovely to chat with you. And I’m certainly honored to be asked to this Women of Wisdom series.  I’m guessing your readers are looking for information and a perspective they cannot get by googling these topics, but rather lived experience.</p>
<p>Who am I?  I’m introspective, a thinker, a problem solver in a quiet way. I’m driven by a deep desire to understand humanity. I deeply believe there are no throw-away people.  Everybody matters, everyone counts: whether they can contribute to society in a given moment or not.</p>
<p>I often see people as buried treasure, the latch to the chest locked by shame, grief, trauma. I walk beside them until they are empowered to open the chest, work through the debilitating fear, and live the lives they long for.</p>
<p>When I was introduced to Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and the concept of nonviolence, I felt I’d come home. Mutuality? YES, power alongside instead of power over? YES!</p>
<p>I had my fabulous 65<sup>th</sup> birthday last year.  I was born the 3<sup>rd</sup> of 7 in a small farming community in the Midwest USA.  2 weeks after my 7<sup>th</sup> birthday my mom died of a brain tumor leaving 4 bewildered children and a heartbroken husband with a farm to run.</p>
<p>After 35 years as a minister’s wife and on the staff of churches from 30 – 1500 members, I now co-own <strong><em>In It 4 Life Counselling and Education. </em></strong>I am in <a href="https://www.sarabeth.ca/sarabeth">private practice</a> with both online and in-person clients. I’m a Registered Professional Counsellor RPC with the Canadian Professional Counsellor’s Association. I’ve had over 10,000 client hours.</p>
<p>I have a B.Ed. from Harding University in Searcy, AK and teaching is still my happy place.</p>
<p>I have both in-person clients and those I meet via video conferencing in the UK, Europe, and across the breadth of the USA and Canada. I mentor a Graduate student in Clinical Counselling in Manila, Philippines, and in December I initiated a mental health project to train 6 HOPE Worldwide Philippines staff in mental health tools.</p>
<p>I’m a Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist®. In the last 2 years, I’ve become connected with 2 of the Aboriginal foster parents’ societies in Vancouver, BC where I live. I equip foster parents and staff with tools to unravel the tangled emotions associated with loss and trauma and move forward with hope and purpose.</p>
<p>This summer I was privileged to be on the team that edited the online <strong>Helping Children with Loss </strong>workshop and was the first Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist® in North America to deliver the program.</p>
<p>The deeper I get into the human mind, the more I value each person’s story. Anyone in the nadir of despair.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Two years after graduating from high school, my best friend committed suicide. I had no clue what mental health meant or was. Please explain what is mental health?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Jerry, how very difficult it is to have a friend who died by <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/how-to-deal-with-a-friends-suicide/">suicide</a>. Those are often the moments our minds circle back to trying to find the meaning. How? Why? Could I have done something? How could I not have known?</p>
<p>Of course, there isn’t one answer to this question. But I’ll explain mental health the way I describe it to my clients and their families.</p>
<p>Mental health refers to our state of mind, our perception of events. Our sense of well-being both within ourselves (Me) and in the social network of our lives (WE).</p>
<p>Do you remember the movie, The Princess Bride? Do you remember the dark foreboding Fire Swamp with rodents of unusual size and lightning sand ready to destroy the unwary? That is the experience some have when they explore their own minds and behavior. Their thoughts are bewildering, their behavior inexplicable, and seemingly unchangeable. They do not make sense to themselves. They are living in the black hole of despair and life on their regular life street seems a distant memory.</p>
<p>They feel as if they are in a bubble separated from others; that they are invisible, even immobilized.</p>
<p>Our thoughts revolve around three worlds: our past, our present, and our future.</p>
<p>In mental illness, we view our past as unchangeable and negative. We do not hold positive memories of love or the small successes that make life meaningful. Instead, our minds often circle whirling in a painful, endless story of hopelessness and failure.</p>
<p>In our present, we live in a state of fear and anxiety. We have a deep belief that we cannot effect change in our own lives.</p>
<p>As we consider our future, the squirrel of our anxious mind jumps from branch to branch collecting fear dreams and worry nuts hoarding them close inside us.</p>
<p>Let me explain. As we consider our future, our anxious mind seeks and collects disturbing possible futures. Our mind bounces from imagined scenario to scenario leaving our body with elevated heart rate, higher blood pressure,  short shallow breaths.  Our thoughts race in circles, but go nowhere.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-21892" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-1.png" alt="grief" width="735" height="1102" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-1.png 735w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-1-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-1-600x900.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /></p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>As I get older, I realize that there are biological factors like genetics and brain chemistry. But trauma, abuse, and family history also play an important role. For brain chemistry, we can take drugs but to deal with trauma and abuse we need psychological help. Help me understand what this psychological help is all about?</strong></span></h4>
<p>I also believe that Psychosis and altered states of reality do exist that require medication and care by a psychiatrist or psychologist.</p>
<p>As a mental health counselor, I’m the guide who walks alongside the client; empowering, equipping, resonating with tender empathy. I do not come with my own agenda but rather seek to help my clients find the path they long for.</p>
<p><a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/interview-with-tara-lalonde-author-of-an-unexpected-freedom-discover-peace-and-joy-in-the-meaning-of-life/">Counselors</a> are more like the physiotherapists of the mind. We help the client find and practice new ways of thinking and seeing themselves and the world around them. Then we guide them in the work of building new pathways in the brain so they can strengthen those new paths.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>There are so many magazines on physical health, makeup, financial health but the psychological, emotional, and mental health gets ignored. In so many cultures it is a taboo, I am so glad in Canada we talk about it. In your practice what are you seeing these days and how talking about it helps us and our families?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Jerry, so many people rushed into my mind at this question.  Slow down brain….</p>
<p>Now in the days of social distancing due to Covid-19, I’m seeing some positives and some deepening challenges.</p>
<p>I see people looking for help for what they describe as a hollow emptiness in their chests. A sense of alarming aloneness does not shift even when with people. This sense of panic occurs when they have not developed secure attachment as children. This secure sense of self can be developed and strengthened at any age. But it is more and more common these days.</p>
<p>I also see unresolved complex grief often caused by a series of painful losses in a short period of time. These losses have overwhelmed their ability to recover, leaving them immobilized or even believing they are irrevocably broken as people.  There is a very important difference between believing you have done something that you feel bad about and believing that there is something inherently wrong with you as a human being.</p>
<p>I have mixed thoughts about talking about mental health needs.  Jerry, who we talk to makes quite a big difference. I find young people often rely on their friend-group for advice and support for mental health issues. I have seen this lead to teens taking on the trauma of their friends even when they have not experienced the trauma.</p>
<p>In <em>Helping Children with Loss</em> by the Grief Recovery Method® we teach adults to lead the way. To model emotional honesty. Our children imitate this and learn that their uncomfortable emotions are welcome in the family. They don’t need to stuff them away in their hearts or block emotions with drugs, sex, video games, etc. But rather their heart, their pain, and their grief are held with respect and honor.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Let’s talk about family. How did marriage and motherhood change you as a person? After four decades of marriage, what are you still learning about this institution?</strong></span></h4>
<p>My mother died of a brain tumor within a couple of weeks of my 7<sup>th</sup> birthday, leaving 4 lost confused children, ages 12-2, and a grieving husband with a farm to run.  I never had a Hollywood fairy tale idea of marriage or family.</p>
<p>What I did have is a childhood shaped in the arms of a rural community, faith community, and the neighbors on RR#1 who kept an eye on us. Through all these experiences I formed a picture of what a secure relationship looked like. I dated, had my heart thoroughly broken, learned some tough lessons about myself, and landed in a more grounded place determined to lead with my head, not my romantic heart.</p>
<p>42 years later, I’d say it was a pretty good place to start. Head over heels in love, with my feet firmly tethered to reality. We suffered a lot. Learned a lot.</p>
<p>Then, 12 years ago my <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/ten-skills-required-to-be-a-successful-husband/">husband</a> starting having medical symptoms. At one point I foresaw the very real possibility that he would be disabled or even die.</p>
<p>It was a watershed moment for me. We had been very close, able to communicate about most topics. We even worked together. We didn’t like the uneasy edgy feeling of tension between us and resolved issues fairly quickly.</p>
<p>My eyes opened in a painful moment of personal clarity. I needed to form a clearer picture of the ME in WE. How would I make a living? What did I think about topics of <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/practical-faith/">faith</a>, social issues, <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/racism-is-evil-overcome-evil-with-good/">racism</a>, politics? The man who had stood by my side was now facing his own battle and was not always available to me.</p>
<p>He survived, but he is in nearly constant pain. He went back to school, earned a Master’s degree. We both shifted out of the ministry. I started my own business. Our relationship grew richer &amp; deeper as the ME and YOU grew.  I’m still learning to be more HONEST and to invite his honesty.</p>
<p>So that’s what I’d say, Jerry. We’ve tested the edges of our trust in each other and found we can tolerate, and dare I say even enjoy much more than we imagined. We can disagree, fight through differing opinions and NOT agree and it’s still OK. I once thought the goal was the unified US, but now see the energy &amp; growth that comes from being YOU and ME.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>A 27-year-old woman wants to get married. Tell her some of the qualities she needs to look for in a man?</strong></span></h4>
<p>So, to a 27-year old woman I’d say:</p>
<p>You’ve probably suffered already in relationships. Had your heartbroken. Lost your confidence. 30 is now on the horizon.</p>
<p>Are you feeling CONFUSED and intensely alone as you try to figure out this thing called love? Your married friends and family offer advice and try to set you up.</p>
<p>You feel yourself pulling back as soon as a guy gets close to you. Or frantic when they don’t answer your calls.</p>
<p>You have your list, like an order from Starbucks, extra HOT, a bit of sugar, no caffeine. Ha!  Did I just make a joke?  Seriously though, already by 27, your walls might be 2 ft thick ready to protect your heart from pain.</p>
<p>As difficult as it is, turn your mind and heart gently towards your own emotions. Seek some support, work through those painful experiences, and learn a new path to love.  It will clear your relationship blocks to see the person you want to connect with.</p>
<p>It’s an ancient truth. Falling in love makes you a little bit crazy, so keep your head in the game.</p>
<p>Do you enjoy talking together? Does he listen, really listen to you? Do you like listening to him? Does he irritate you? When you’ve had a rift, a break in connection, can you mend the relationship? Not bury the pain, but actually repair your tender connection.</p>
<p>Do you recognize the patterns you find yourself in, as Dr. Sue Johnson describes? Find the Bad Guy, Flee and Pursue, or Freeze and Flee?</p>
<p>And then there is Honesty. I can’t say enough about honesty. We hide a lot of our inner selves; the risk feels too big.  Yet our security builds when we speak the truth and gather our courage and invite our beloved’s truth.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-21893" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-2.png" alt="grief" width="735" height="1102" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-2.png 735w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-2-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-2-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-2-600x900.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /></p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>You had three men in your house on a minister’s salary, how did you manage it all? I am sure there were sacrifices involved. Help me understand those sacrifices?</strong></span></h4>
<p>I honestly don’t remember the <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/interview-with-jason-trueman-portfolio-manager-with-cumberland-private-wealth-management/">financial</a> sacrifices. We ate well, took some trips to see family, went to Disneyland. The greater sacrifice was time together. The ministry then was nearly 24/7 and I’ve made achingly heartfelt apologies to my kids about that and the many moves we made where they left good friends behind.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>A very dear friend of mine, his wife would go on a shopping binge because of her mental health. What can we say when we notice some signs that something is not OK in our family members, friends, or colleagues?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Did you ever hear or even say these words?  What’s WRONG with you!?!  Our friends, co-workers, family members, behavior can be bewildering to us. Or we think it’s just not our business.</p>
<p>A few years ago, we got a call from someone saying they needed a sub for a volunteer position. My husband took the call. Then immediately called me to the phone.  “Something’s wrong,” he said giving me the phone.</p>
<p>Within 5 minutes, I called the spouse to the phone and explained to them how to access emergency mental health care through their local hospital. “Now,” I said, “Drop what you are doing and go right NOW!” This person was diagnosed with a serious mental health condition and spent nearly a year recovering.</p>
<p>I long for every person, every church, every family, school, club to be trauma-informed. When you are trauma-informed you gently ask the question: What happened? Did something happen, my dear friend, sister, brother, co-worker, that you are having this behavior. Shopping, drinking, isolating, enraged. What happened?</p>
<p>What’s happening to you when you want to go shopping? Do you feel something in your chest, your heart, your hands, or your head?  Do you feel hot, cold, empty, jittery?  Can you recall the first time you felt like this?  It is scary to feel like this?  Whew, does that ever seem big? Can I help <strong>you</strong> to get help?</p>
<p>When we notice changes in patterns of behavior, think backward, and do a quick life review.</p>
<p>Grief and loss accumulate. I know of people who have some early childhood trauma and losses. Some disappointments early in life; didn’t get on the team, didn’t get into the college program they wanted. Then a hard-romantic breakup in their teens/20s, then get married and find out their spouse hid something from them: debt, cheated on them while dating, things like that, then they or their wife has a miscarriage, then their Mom dies and they just can’t pull life back together.</p>
<p>And that’s when the shopping, alcohol misuse, pornography use, gaming misuse, taking things personally and become easily hurt, emotional withdrawal or bouts of expressed anger creep up.</p>
<p>So, when you see something, go deeper. Seek help for the deeper needs. Behavior always, always, always makes sense. Its the normal response to abnormal circumstances.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Life happens&#8230;stress, family issues, divorce, death. Grief is not easy. I have lost two of my best friends in the last 3 years. And sometimes I prefer if someone just listens to me or says they love me. I do not want to hear pat answers. Give us some advice on how we can communicate better when someone is going through a tough time in their life?</strong></span></h4>
<p>You are asking an important and relevant question. Nearly every client I have has some wounding moments caused by well-meaning comments.</p>
<p>In the <strong>Grief Recovery Method</strong>® we talk about some deeper concepts that help guide our words when another is suffering.</p>
<p>Walk with me through this scenario:</p>
<p>Imagine a woman dies with 3 children and 6 grandchildren.</p>
<p>One family lives next door and grandma babysat the kids after school, creating a warm inviting haven for the grandchildren.</p>
<p>One child is estranged from the parent because of a fight when they were 20 and has not spoken to the parent for 30 years.</p>
<p>One went to University in Berlin, married, and has lived in Europe all their lives. Seeing their parents only from time to time.</p>
<p>Picture, if you will, all of these families arriving for the funeral. Oh my! How many different kinds of relationships are there? How many regrets, losses, longings, grief, unresolved, and undelivered communication are there in the room?</p>
<p>Imagine the grandchildren growing up with very different experiences with grandma.</p>
<p>As much as I wish we could, we simply CANNOT know what another person is experiencing in their loss. Your feelings, thoughts, and experience when your grandparent died belong uniquely to you.  And so, it is with your friends.</p>
<p>A gentle “I love you,” “I can’t imagine what this is like for you.” “I’ll wash your dishes,” will likely mean the most to the grieving person who is living in the daze of new grief.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-21909" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-4-1.png" alt="grief" width="735" height="1102" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-4-1.png 735w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-4-1-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-4-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-4-1-600x900.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /></p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>I loved coming to your place as there was always good food. Thanks for being patient, kind, gentle, listening and being empathetic towards me. How important is it that we eat good food but also eat as a family?</strong></span></h4>
<p>Aww, thanks, Jerry.  Feeding you was our way of saying you matter and you are welcome at our table and in our lives. Listening to diverse perspectives over dinners with friends opened my mind and heart. The flow of conversation exposed my sons to the broad kaleidoscope of human experience; opening empathy &amp; curiosity for all of us.</p>
<p>I’ll emphasize the gift of cooking together. Both of my sons are the main cooks in their own families. And no, my husband still doesn’t cook….SIGH..but now he does dishes – a gift of our older years.  I still get calls from the boys, “Mom&#8230; Whatcha making for dinner?” Although now I’m often asking them for recipes.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>I know you are a woman of deep faith. Walk me through how you came into faith, your story, how does this faith sustain you. Also, help me understand one or two challenging things you have faced in your life and how you overcame it</strong></span></h4>
<p>This is an excerpt from a conversation I wrote between GOD and myself over a decade ago. Perhaps it will give you a window into both suffering and healing.</p>
<p>God to me:</p>
<p>“You are perfect.  I delight in you.  I have known you in your darkest hours when you thought life was not worth living.  I walked beside you that dark night.  I cried out with you when you curled inward holding in a pain so great you felt your body would explode.  I held you in my arms and rocked you to comfort you.  I hold your pain in my arms.  I added my voice to yours in the park when your grief reached the heavens.</p>
<p>And it did, my <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/discover-10-life-lessons-my-daughter-has-taught-me-so-far/">daughter</a>. I heard from you. I hear from you.</p>
<p>I stood beside you when shattered dreams lay in brightly colored shards at your feet.  I know your hopelessness.  I felt it when my Son hung on the cross.  I watched you as you lay helpless on beds of pain and my love enfolded you with warmth.</p>
<p>I knew the risk I took creating man with the capacity to feel so deeply.  I only gave that gift to humanity.  Only then could you know love – the bounty, the gift.”</p>
<p>Me to God:</p>
<p>“I see the path – the red thread throughout my life.  I’d left so many things outside your grace as though my decisions could move me away from you.  It’s not done until my death and I’m alive.</p>
<p>I had to hit unscalable walls in order to know it wasn’t my work that saved me. I had to face utter despair in order to see hope, grief to know peace, sin to see salvation pure and true.”</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>I am a big believer in peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion but you have to practice forgiveness and gratitude to move forward. What are your thoughts on this?</strong></span></h4>
<p>I stand on the shoulders of giants in this field. Forgiveness, I find, is an exquisitely intentional action that is completed once with forethought and determination, then repeated every time the offense comes to mind. <a href="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/to-err-is-human-to-forgive-divine/">Forgiveness</a> is an act of my will and decision bathed in the grace given to me, to set myself free from the prison of hatred and pain.</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>Faith or no faith&#8230;life happens. Too many Christians buy into the prosperity gospel even though they do not say it openly. They want the perfect house, the perfect spouse, the perfect life. They forget suffering. We need to embrace it. agree or disagree</strong></span></h4>
<p>Where did we EVER get the idea that having faith meant avoiding suffering?</p>
<h4><span style="color: #800080;"><strong>We want to be happy all the time and then there is joy. We can be joyful in every circumstance. Please talk about this and also how does social media impact us?</strong></span></h4>
<p>I recently taught a class about helping children with a loss to staff and administrators at a private K-12 school. As I discussed the needs of the children before the session, one staff member shared a frequent topic in the staff room<em>. Is perhaps the greatest detriment to happiness the expectation of constant happiness?</em></p>
<p>If when the challenges of life happen, we have no place/no space for our pain and sorrow to go then who do we talk to?  Who understands?</p>
<p>On the other hand, when mourning is welcomed, modeled, normalized, and held with tender care, children learn they can ride the wave of suffering and come out the other side. YES, it will come again and again. And YES, they will be turned upside down by the current, but they will not be swept out to sea.  That is what we need to teach our children.</p>
<p>Joy comes with perspective. Joy walks softly in awareness of the journey we all must walk.  Joy comes in quietness. Joy in generated from the inside out.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-21910" src="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-5-1.png" alt="grief" width="735" height="1102" srcset="https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-5-1.png 735w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-5-1-200x300.png 200w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-5-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://fourcolumnsofabalancedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-Design-5-1-600x900.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /></p>
<p>Photo Credit: Jina Hong</p>
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