The Caffeinated Introvert

Lina Thao is an introvert. She is a mom of four beautiful kids and wife to her best friend.  She is a working mom and a coffee enthusiast. She loves spending time with her family and making memories. She currently lives in the Twin Cities and loves everything the Midwest has to offer minus the cold. Being an introvert in an extrovert world is hard and draining, to say the least. She has struggled all her life with feeling overwhelmed with having to socialize, worried about her quiet demeanor and slow talking.

I love the name of your blog, The Caffeinated Introvert. Talk to me about it and how did you come up with this name?

When I was thinking of a name for my blog, I struggled with it.   Should I use my name in the title? Should I use the roles I have such as mama, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and nurse?  So many questions.  I started to write down words to describe me, my life, or what I wanted to write about.   It was a good couple of pages of brain dumping.

One piece of advice I read over and over again is don’t worry about the title so much, it’s the contents that people would remember and want to read.  So, don’t spend too much time finding the perfect name.  Yet, I wanted to find that perfect name.  That name shouts out “Yes, this is Lina” just like whenever I pose for a picture with the peace sign, my family and friends would say “yes that is the Lina we know”:-).  While it may not be the perfect name, it is the name that speaks to me and describes me.

Two things that describe me are that I am a coffee drinker and an introvert.  I don’t believe that will ever change. Maybe the frequency of my coffee I drink in a day but I would still have my black coffee. I have grown to love black coffee only in recent years and that may be due to my aging :-).

The Caffeinated Introvert is a lifestyle blog that focuses on all things family. I started this blog as a way to remember and share all the things that we do, places we have been to, and life in general. Hoping to share our experience that others may find inspirational.

Please explain the challenges of being an introvert in an extrovert world?

Growing up or even in my early adulthood, I have always struggled with my interactions with others.  I get overwhelmed just thinking about having to attend a function or a meeting.  It just drains me out.   I am a quiet and shy person.  I am not one that can go up to anyone and drum up a conversation.    I think that just having to think up with something to say is overwhelming.   I thought there was something wrong with me as to why I couldn’t be like others.  How can he/she be so outgoing and speak to whatever pops into their mind?  I wished I was just as quick-witted as some of my friends or co-workers.

I would rather stay at home and watch a good movie than go hang out with friends.  I would rather someone else attend that function I was invited to. In our community, there are a lot of functions that we are invited to.

And most we are almost always obligated to attend.  Let me tell you how many times I try to get myself out of it.  Even to an extended family function, I will tell my husband to not leave my side until I see someone I know.  He is always amazed at me for saying that to him.

We have been together for 18 years yet I still say that to him :-).

Why do you feel the pressure to socialize or your way of talking?

As mentioned above, I am not as quick to talk or respond.    I tend to think about what I would want to say first.  So typically, by the time I do decide to say something, the conversation may have already gone on to something else.   I remember growing up, my best friend and I  were having a conversation about talking with others in our native language (Hmong).  I mentioned to her that I have trouble just verbalizing certain words in Hmong and I can’t speak the language well.  She told me that it’s not the Hmong language.  I do the same with the English language and it’s usually when I actually start to say something.  Once I start, it just flows.  She made me realize it then.    That still happens currently but I seem to notice it more with my conversations in my native language.

I wouldn’t say I am a slow talker.  It’s just my slow way of thinking before I talk.  I tend to talk really fast once I get started and people quite often tell me to slow down.    I wonder if it’s my introverted way to hurry up with it and get some rest. LOL.

When did you decide to embrace the introvert? How was that eureka moment like? Has that helped you be calmer?

I think I started to embrace the introversion in me just within the last 10 years.  I got into Nursing Leadership and learned different leadership styles.  Prior to that, I felt that I always had to speak up to be heard and in my quiet nature, it was always a struggle.  In leadership, I learned that while there are times that I need to speak up, most times are best as listening.  That was the turning point for me.  I have also learned that introversion is not a personality type,  just how I receive energy/ stimuli.

I have raised a 15-year-old. You have raised four kids…wow. Talk to me about that the experience, the highs, and lows?

Oh my… where do I begin?  My two older kids are from my first marriage and they were raised by my present husband and I since they were  4 and 6 years old.  They are now 21 and 23 years old.  Raising kids is no easy task and there is never any manual for it.  We didn’t start having our own kids until the older kids were 11 & 13 years old.  We waited for a number of reasons, one being that I wanted to wait until I completed nursing school to start having kids again.

It was a blessing to have the two little ones come into our lives at the time they did but it also came with some challenges.  Thinking back, the two older ones were the focus and had all our attention their entire lives and as the two little ones came right as they entered their tween/ teen years, I believe they struggled with it.     Now they had to share our attention and focus on someone else.  But I  don’t believe any of us realized it at that time.  We were all just going through life one day at a time.

If anyone tells you raising teenagers is hard, it was.  There are just so many emotions and issues that they were experiencing and learning where their place was in the world.    They struggled… We struggled as we tried to make sense of it all.

As the two older ones journeyed through their teenage years of “I hate you” and “you don’t understand anything” to now “You were right” or “I  should’ve listened to you”  or even a simple “Hey I miss you”  I think we did ok.   They are still searching for their purpose in life as I  think most of us still do.

I think one thing that got us through all this is just having a mutual understanding, respect, and support from my husband. Finding someone who not only took care of the older ones like his own but loving and teaching them along the way.

How has married life changed you? Marriage is easy right and no fights, no compromise just smooth sailing…comment?

Marriage is hard.  I wouldn’t say my first marriage was a fail but a  huge learning experience.  I married right after I graduated from high school thinking I would live happily ever after with the man that I  love.  It became apparent pretty quickly that it wasn’t the case.  It took me four years to finally make the leap and leave the marriage along with two little ones.  I have learned what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship and what I would fight for.  I have learned my worth and no one is ever going to take that from me.

Fortunately, I met my second husband who loves me and recognizes my worth.  He has been my rock since day one.  I am not gonna lie and say it was all peachy.  We had some tough times, especially during those dreaded (um… fun) teenage years.  But we got through it together.   We learn something new about each other every day.

What I have learned with being married are compromise and forgiveness.    Letting go that there is no such thing as perfection.  My husband is not perfect and neither am I.

My husband says it best:  Recognize each other’s strengths and empower each other to be the best we can be.

I am sure motherhood has made you a different person. Please elaborate?

For sure!  I love being a mother.  I love looking at life through my kids’ eyes.  It was harder with the two older ones as we struggled to make ends meet and to have a better future/ life.  I worked full time while going to nursing school in the evenings and weekends.  We didn’t have a lot of free time to enjoy life as we were just going through life.

I don’t know about others, but motherhood is not something I could’ve done alone.  I have so many people in my life that have been there for us.  My husband, parents, and siblings were my number one support. Without any of them, I would not be where I am today.

Motherhood has taught me how to stay humble and grateful.

Give us three tips on being a great loving mother, an amazing wife, and self-care?

My 3 tips on being a great loving mother and an amazing wife are the same:

• Listen
• Support
• Empower them

As far as tips for self-care, I use to think taking care of myself was selfish but I have learned that in order to take care of others, I have to take care of myself.  Make it a priority. So here are my three
tips I do to take care of myself :

-Exercise at least 3-5 times a day
-Sleep at least 7 hours
-Drink lots of water

How has blogging and writing helped you as a person?

My whole life I have been living go go go.   I like to reach out of my comfort zone and reach for the stars.  I believe I have proven that throughout my life.  I can always do more, I can always do better.  I don’t like being complacent and I have found that blogging is anything but complacent.   All still working a full-time job and raising a family.  When I decided to start blogging, I was at
a point in my life that while I have reached many of my goals, I  wanted to do something different.  Something I have never thought I would do.  Putting myself out there to the world.   Pushing myself out of that comfort zone again.  Blogging has been my outlet.   I have been able to express my thoughts in a way that I had not before.  I love that I have met so many wonderful people in the blogging community that is so inspiring, creative, and supportive.