Empower your life with authenticity
Authenticity is a mosaic, convoluted and manifold concept that is often used in various situations, like relationships, personal identity, products, and art.
The meaning of authenticity
Authenticity is about being bonafide, absolute, true, sincere, and genuine. The meaning of being authentic is when an individual is true to oneself and one’s core values, beliefs, morals, conscience, and principles, rather than conforming to societal norms, pressures, and expectations. An authentic person is someone who behaves, speaks, and acts in a way that aligns with their true nature, without putting on a facade or pretending to be someone they’re not. An authentic person is not a people pleaser. An authentic person swims against the tide.
Authenticity vs fake and ungenuine
Once a month, I get an email from a friend about his prayer life and what he is learning. We have known each other for more than three decades. Never a call. Never to see how we are doing. Even when Debbie was going through cancer, never a hint, to see how we were doing or drop by. But the email comes once a month, challenging us to love, deny ourselves and study scripture.
I have another friend who changes an organization every two or three years. The leaders are not up to mark. The way people do things is wrong. Everything is wrong.
There was a point when I was mentoring a few men. One of the men was overly critical of me. He was in his late 30s and was literally chasing teenagers. He had an Asian background and wanted a Canadian wife. I set him up on a few dates but they were never good. He took off to the States, found someone, and married her. The wife left him, accused him and my friend ended up in prison. You think my friend would have learned his lesson. I ran into him in Toronto and he was on the hunt again for a new wife. I kept quiet. I found out later he got married again. The second wife left him with two kids and disappeared.
Insecurity is the root of evil
Insecure humans project their own insecurities, fears, and shortcomings onto others. Humans with low self-esteem or insecurity engage in criticizing or finding faults in others as a way to deflect attention away from their own perceived flaws. This behavior can also be a way to gain a sense of superiority or control over others, as pointing out faults can give them a feeling of power. Insecure people are attracted to Christian cults. It gives them a sense of security. You have made it, others have not. You have the right doctrine, others do not. These insecure people spend their whole life attending their spiritual organizations and are not transformed.
What I was offering to my friend was constructive criticism and feedback which was essential and crucial for personal and collective growth. The feedback was genuine with good intentions.
In interpersonal relationships, authenticity refers to open, honest, and genuine communication and emotional expression. Authentic relationships are built on trust and sincerity, where individuals can be themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.
Belonging vs Fitting In
When you belong to a group of friends you are accepted into a unique social, cultural, or community-based entity. There is a sense of affiliation and connection with others who share common characteristics, interests, values, or goals. Belonging goes beyond mere membership; it implies a deeper emotional connection and identification with the group. People who belong to a group often feel a sense of support, validation, and security from being part of that group. This sense of belonging can contribute positively to one’s self-esteem and overall well-being. This is an example of authenticity.
Fitting in, on the other hand, refers to conforming to the norms, behaviors, and expectations of a particular group in order to be accepted and avoid standing out. It involves adjusting one’s behavior, appearance, or attitude to align with the prevailing standards of the group. Fitting in can sometimes be driven by a desire to avoid social rejection or criticism. Fitting in involves suppressing certain aspects of one’s identity to conform to the group’s norms. This is not an example of authenticity and results in depression, cognitive dissonance, trauma, and health issues.
I truly believe that we put ourselves on the treadmill of performance that is driven by external pressure. In a fake world dominated by social media, authenticity is valued for its ability to bring forth honesty, sincerity, and a sense of realness. People often seek authentic experiences, relationships, and products because they resonate with their core values and provide a sense of connection and meaning. Authenticity demands self-awareness, introspection, the desire and courage to be vulnerable and embrace one’s true self.
One of the questions I get asked very often is how come I have had so many friends since kindergarten, how come the blog is so successful, what are the secrets to my marriage and how come I am good in sales. The truth lies in being authentic.
What is authentic living and an authentic person?
An authentic person is someone who genuinely expresses their true self and values, both in their words and actions. They are honest and transparent, and they possess a sense of self-awareness.
Authenticity in a person means they are genuine and honest and are true to themselves and others. They don’t pretend to be someone they’re not, and they don’t engage in deceitful behavior. They speak the truth and are sincere in their interactions. Every once in a while, I look in the mirror and I accept myself, my flaws, and my limits. I have always spoken the truth in the corporate world and in organizations. I have paid a heavy price, but I sleep well at night.
Authentic individuals are introspective, self-aware and have a deep understanding of their emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and values. They are in touch with their feelings and motivations, which helps them make more conscious decisions. The older I get, I realize all the school bullies, the quarterbacks, the high-powered, the amazing individuals even in my youth small group are alcoholics, divorced, constantly fired and disenchanted. They never connected with their true self.
Authentic people are consistent. They do not love-bomb you. They do not manipulate you.
Authenticity demands vulnerability. I recently had breakfast with a contemplative monk. I was amazed at his humility, his gentleness, his compassion and he was vulnerable to the core. He shared his real feelings as he fights a degenerative disease. The monk and spiritual director cared genuinely for me and tried to understand my perspective.
Authentic people are non-judgmental. This is an area I need to work on. I graduated from one of the best private schools, a university in Switzerland, and an MBA from Cambridge, all this did not help me see myself as a broken beggar looking for grace.
One of the qualities I admire about authentic individuals is their willingness to receive feedback and coaching in order to grow and learn. Authenticity does not feel threatened by constructive criticism and uses it as a catalyst for self-improvement. Authentic people have boundaries in every area of their life and focus on self-care.
An authentic individual does not feel the need to impress other people or needs validation for their ego. Ego and authenticity are divergent. Humility is the core of authenticity.
Authenticity and people-pleasing do not go hand in hand. An authentic person will stay true to their values, convictions and not be easily swayed by external pressures or opinions. They stay true to their convictions and values, even in the face of challenges. Authenticity requires a resilient mindset. A resilient mindset refers to the ability to adapt, bounce back, and cope with challenges, setbacks, and difficult situations in a positive and productive manner. It is the mental attitude that allows individuals to maintain a sense of balance, hope, and determination during tough times. Resilience does not mean being immune to stress or adversity, but rather, it’s the capacity to effectively deal with and grow from these experiences. A resilient mindset includes being optimistic, adaptable, problem solvers, self-aware, focus on a strong social network, persevering, acceptance of failure, sense of purpose, having a healthy coping mechanism, and emotional regulation.
Empower your life with authenticity
If you think your FB friends are friends then you need to develop genuine connections. Authenticity fosters genuine connections, where people can trust you because you are true to yourself and not hiding behind a facade or are fake. Authenticity empowers you by making you self-aware and you are in touch with your feelings, values, and thoughts and less prone to fall into alcoholism, substance abuse, or workaholism. When you pretend to know it all or are better than other people you are keeping up appearances and this results in stress and anxiety because you are worrying about maintaining a false image. Authenticity allows you to express your emotions honestly and when you suppress it, it leads to emotional distress.
I am making more decisions that are aligned with my values and goals. This has given me a sense of purpose and direction in life. I am inspiring others with my blog, by volunteering and making a difference. I mess up all the time but the openness and courage in being authentic has a ripple effect. Authenticity has allowed me to become more creative in my writing and in my thinking. It has allowed me to build resilience and deal with Debbie’s cancer. Finally, it has allowed me to have a better work-life balance.
Excellent article Thanks for sharing your journey and insights. Vulnerability would be a good follow up topic. it takes courage to be open. honest and authentic in today’s world.
Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate your feedback. A lot of people were requesting me to write about this topic for more than a year. I try to write four posts a month, on food, faith, finance and family. I have written vulnerability on my to do lists and hope to write on it, in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading and it is readers like you that make my day.
yes I agree, vulnerability would be a nice next topic, i was thinking the same while reading your post!
I learned something from the article, that authenticty is not threatened. That is very powerful for me. I found another blogger saying such article is called stunning. Thanks
I like those thoughts
Great post! Being authentic is always a goal of mine but it can be hard sometimes.
There’s nothing worse than a fake person. Being honest and real is where it’s at. I choose my friends carefully because life is much more meaningful when you’re authentic and are surrounded by authentic people you can trust.
I need to empower my life
Nailed it! Growing up as an athlete, I can relate. I was always outcasted for having a different opinion and standing for what I believe in. This mindset didn’t take me far in the sport, but it has taken me far in life. I can live in my truth and at peace with myself.
I like how open you are about this topic, I really enjoyed the reading.