Finding Hope in the Midst of Suffering

A Valuable Lesson on Hope

Carolyn Gerber Hofauer created a meal train for us in April of this year. I love to volunteer, love to give, and for the first time in my life, I am on the receiving end. Gerry Bell challenged me to ask for help as Debbie is fighting cancer. The truth is I am blessing them by allowing them to serve me. A tough concept for me but I embrace it.

Telesforo Rodas and his daughter River are the second people to drop food for us. I come back from work and Debbie tells me a father and daughter team dropped food for us. Debbie shows me a rock with hope and love painted on it. I take the rock and place it outside our home.  A few weeks later they bring another meal. This time there are Hope, Love, and Faith on the stone painted by Lyrica Dunnett, Sky Rodas and River Rodas. I do not know the Rodas family personally, nor do I know them by name. A while later I post on a forum thanking the community for providing us with meals. I also ask for the name of the father-daughter team that delivered the meal and painted hope and love on the stone. Lisa Rodas replies saying it was her husband and daughter.

The previous week Devon Dienesch’s daughter drew a few words of encouragement. Debbie takes that with her every time she goes for chemo.

As my wife battles cancer, COVID on the rise, and the economy in shambles, will my grit, optimism, self-efficacy, ability, soft skills or talent get me through these challenging times?

There is a reason River has written HOPE on this stone. What is she trying to tell me? What is her message? Why now?

What is hope? How can we use it in our lives? What are the humanistic, psychological, and spiritual connotations of hope? How do I use hope to get through these challenging times? Is it some vague spiritual concept? Or some esoteric framework designed in the ivory towers of academia. As I navigate hope in my own life, I want to look at it from a spiritual, humanist, and psychological perspective.

Charles Snyder in the Hope Theory posits that hope consists of agency and pathways. Hope helps the individual with the will to overcome the hurdles in life and provides various ways to overcome it. Liz Day in her research states that hope is linked to divergent thinking. Rebecca Gorres in her research on situational hope found that it leads to divergent thinking and different ways to cope with problems in life. She clearly differentiates between hope, self-efficacy, and optimism. Philip Magaletta and J. Oliver in their research found that hope is superior to self-efficacy and optimism.

Sure, professors can write about this stuff in the towers of academia. I am hurting. I am struggling. I could lose my wife. So many of my close friends are divorced. I have worked so hard on my marriage. I could lose her before my 19th anniversary. Life is not fair.

Lawrence Rifkin in Humanist Magazine talks about “The humanist worldview is filled with hope. We may be made of matter, but we decide what matters. It is through meaningful human action that a blank computer screen can become a poem, that slavery can become freedom. We can help others, alleviate suffering, and experience beauty. Humanism is not just the rejection of an idea. Humanism is an affirmation. It is a positive, clear-eyed response to our one world. It is saying ‘yes’, not saying ‘no.’”

This answer does not help me personally. Abstract philosophical concepts are too abstract for me when I am hurting. There is no substitute for love.

Lawrence Rifkin when pushed for providing hope for the hurting and the despondent states clearly that ‘humanism is not about hope. It’s about facing the world as it actually exists and making the best of it.’ I like how Rifkin does end his essay by saying get together with someone who is hurting, listen to them, and encourage them.

Hinduism looks at hope with Pratidhi which is a desire or a wish for something good to happen. Ok. I get it. Should I just wish for Debbie’s cancer to disappear?

Seyed Shirvani talks about hope in the Quran through the prism of Raja, Amal, and Tamanna. Raja means waiting for something, Amal means a desire and Tamanna means to make a request. I want the healing to happen now. I want the pain, suffering, and invasive treatments to stop.

From a Jewish perspective, Jonathan Sacks explains it best ‘Western civilization is the product of two cultures: ancient Greece and ancient Israel. The Greeks believed in fate: the future is determined by the past. Jews believed in freedom: there is no ‘evil decree’ that cannot be averted. The Greeks gave the world the concept of tragedy. Jews gave it the idea of hope. The whole of Judaism – though it would take a book to show it – is a set of laws and narratives designed to create in people, families, communities, and a nation, habits that defeat despair. Judaism is the voice of hope in the conversation of mankind’.

The three theological virtues of Christianity are faith, hope, and love. River, Sky, and Lyrica you got me.

From the Christian perspective, Psalm 42:5 says Hope in God! For an independent, rebellious, broken, and messed up individual like me this ‘hoping in God’ concept does not come naturally. However, I have to drill it into my inner psyche.

Biblical hope gives me an emotional shock absorber to handle the wrong, be loving, and not get caught up in a victim mentality or self-pity. With Debbie battling cancer, the emotional engine allows me to persevere.

Hope is an eagerness for something favorable to happen in the future. Biblical hope is not just eagerness for Debbie to get healed but being confident about it and expecting it to happen. There is moral credence in it. What River was telling me is just do not cross your fingers that Debbie will get healed but expect great things from the Creator. I looked at Hebrews 6:9-12 ‘each one of you to show the same earnestness in realizing the full assurance of hope until the end’. I cannot afford to be lethargic but be zealous and pursue the full assurance of hope.

River, I have my doubts. Can I have this hope? Does it prepare me to see my wife ravaged by cancer? The role of a caretaker is tough and challenging.

Doubt is the natural adversary of biblical faith. Hope is an integral part of faith. OK, River, you got me. I give up.

As we get older, we have to embrace pain, suffering, disappointment, and things not going as planned. The more you embrace these issues the better you will do. In a matter of weeks, Debbie was diagnosed with cancer, had a mastectomy, a job offer for me was rescinded due to COVID, the fridge broke down, the fence broke and we had a major infestation in our house caused by a box given to us.

I really had to have the attitude of ‘what now’ instead of ‘why me’. I had to be grateful and focus on the positive. I had to be resilient. Finally, I had to focus on hope. As a man of faith, I had to accept my brokenness. When you are broken, the light comes in. The light gives you hope.

I do not know the Rodas family. It was the thought of one young girl in her innocence to get the ball rolling that challenged me to my core. Thank you, River, Sky, and Lyrica. The stones are outside for everyone to see. Every day before I enter my house, I read the words on those stones. I am encouraged, strengthened, lifted high, and it has changed me forever. Your one act has created a ripple that will have an everlasting impact.

As you read this, I hope your reservoir is overflowing like Niagara Falls, deep down in the dam of your soul, the hydroelectric generator of peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, and unconditional love will churn the new power of glory and help you to have hope to deal with the postmodern dystopian world of pain and darkness.