Literary Dates: From Page to Place

Lauren from Literary Dates talks about the challenges of being single and facing adversity in NYC.

Lauren tell me something about yourself and Literary Dates?

I’m a single female living in NYC and soon will be turning the big 4-0. I wish I could say I’m fully embracing it but getting older does make me a bit nervous. Can a healthy lifestyle reverse aging? That’s what I’m telling myself! Time to put down the tacos and ice cream. Hmm? Well, everything in moderation, right? I will strive for restraint in my food choices, however, in my overall life choices, I want to continue to challenge myself and take risks. Maybe a little adventure is in store for me too? I hope!

I’ve digressed because this should be a more general “About Me.” Here I go: I’ve been living in NYC for almost 14 years. I stumbled a bit when I first moved here unsure of what I wanted to do but ultimately landed on a rewarding career working with kids in the hospital setting.

I blog about Literary Dates, which is when I read a book set in NYC, let the book be my guide, and inspire a fun tour of NYC. I’m exploring the city one book at a time and loving it! I have found a newfound appreciation of this city. The tours allow me to hold onto the book a little longer while I explore the city that I love through the characters’ eyes. For a book lover, it’s a dream!

Photo Credit: Steve Maxwell

What motivated you to start Literary Dates?

I knew I wanted to write so decided to try blogging. Since people say to write what you know, I settled on dating in NYC. I’ve been on many online dates, so I wouldn’t be short on material. However, I found that writing about specific dates didn’t feel right. I tended to write more about my general feelings about dating. At that time my blog was called Searching for Humor because I wanted to find the humorous side of dating to save my sanity.

Since I read a lot, especially chick lit, I thought writing book reviews on that genre would be a good fit. Like with my dating posts, I tried to put a humorous spin on my reviews. It was fun but still, I wasn’t completely motivated. I ended up having a large chunk of time when I didn’t write anything.

One day, I was chatting with a Twitter friend, @singleliving4me, after she posted a portrait of Audrey Hepburn. We chatted about our mutual love of Audrey Hepburn and she recommended a great biography about her. I couldn’t find that book, but instead found Fifth Avenue, 5 AM: Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and the Dawn of the Modern Woman by Sam Wasson. Most of the book was all the behind-the-scenes stuff in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

After reading it, I got the idea to visit the NYC film sites and then blog about it. My Breakfast at Tiffany’s Tour was the first of my Literary Dates. I called it a date with myself in the city. I loved seeing the sites, taking pictures, and then blogging about it. My tour gave me that awesome vacation feeling.

This got me thinking…” So many books are set in NYC…why don’t I read more books set in NYC and do this again?” That’s how Literary Dates was born! Thanks to my other Twitter friend @Alex_Micati for inspiring my blog’s name.

I’ve been doing these little book tours for over a year now. I absolutely love it! I’ve even taken the action on the road, once on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire, and more recently in Dallas, Texas. I have ideas for possible future literary dates outside of NYC, which is fun to think about. I love this blog because it keeps giving me new ideas and cool stuff keeps popping up (like this interview!) I’m excited to see where it goes.

Please tell me the challenges of starting a blog?

I started blogging on a whim. I knew someone who was blogging and she recommended WordPress. It might be bad to admit, but I didn’t research at all. Not one bit. I went to WordPress.com and after a few clicks, I had my blog. Therefore, starting it, wasn’t a challenge for me. The challenges came when I was knee-deep into blogging. Many of the issues that came up probably could have been avoided had I done some research. Much of the technical side of blogging is still over my head. I’m still trying to understand SEO, Pinterest, getting my photos right…and since I want to change my blog’s design theme, I’m worried about that being difficult for me. I still need to read a lot of how-to tutorials. One of these days! Once I figure out how to monetize, then maybe I can hire a tech assistant? One can dream!

Why do you like writing?

I feel like I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer. In-person, I tend to be on the quieter, shy side so I express myself better through writing than orally. I can get my thoughts out better in the written form. For instance, I’m a texter who truly pisses off the people who prefer the ancient method of talking on the phone. They are a dying breed though so I’m relieved about that.

My introverted personality lends itself well to writing. I definitely enjoy plenty of me time! I love hanging out with good friends but I have to have time to myself.

It’s nice to channel this aspect of my personality in writing through my blog. Going on my literary dates completely fits in with my personality and motivates my writing.

Help me understand what being single in NYC is like?

Before I tackle this one, I want to start by saying that I don’t want to be all, “Oh dating in NYC is so hard. Feel sorry for me with all that I have to put up with!”

I will, however, say that dating in NYC sucks. I kid! It’s not all bad. No seriously, I’ve met plenty of nice guys. Well, mostly, except that one nutter or two.

Okay, I’ll be real. A few of the guys I’ve dated I’ve met more organically, but most of my dating experience in NYC, is from online dating/apps.

The truth is that most of the guys I’ve met have been nice. I actually don’t have many crazy stories because I think I’m good at weeding out the potential problem ones before we get to the date.

Dating obviously can be very frustrating. Like many people, I have been ghosted. It’s worse when it seemed very promising. I had a guy on a date talking about making me a CD (was a few years ago. I know.) and even said he wanted to make me some mac & cheese! Then, I didn’t hear from him.

With me, dating goes one of three ways: I like the guy, but he’s not into me, the guy likes me, but I’m not into him, or we like each other enough for a handful of dates but then it fizzles out. Ultimately not compatible.

I know a lot of people say dating in NYC is really hard. On Twitter, it seems like dating is hard for many women and men across the globe. However, I have always said that women outnumber men in NYC, so men have the advantage. My own brother often, not so subtlety, will point out the difficulty of dating in NYC. He’ll text me articles about the best places to live for singles. NYC is inevitably in the category of “worst areas to live as a single.”

With a city as big as NYC, with so many people and options, throw in online dating, and it gives people even more options. I think online dating adds to the firestorm and makes it harder. However, plenty of people have found love in this city. So, it is not impossible.

Like I said before, many people across the globe, have struggled with dating. So, I do not blame NYC. I’m sticking with you, New York!

Let us go for a walk and tell me something challenging you have been through. How did you deal with it?

My former job caused me a lot of stress. Since starting my career, I’ve stayed in various positions for a respectable length of time. After only 6 months, I started pursuing a new opportunity, which I ultimately got. I had to give my notice to my supervisor. Someone I respect and who has supported me my entire career (my field is a small world). I knew what people would think- that I’m not giving it a chance, not standing up for myself (to a particular person who caused me grief), not smart for giving up on a higher paying job, etc. However, I’ve always been an instinctual person and my gut was shouting to me loud and clear to get out. To me, leaving a situation that wasn’t right for me despite what people would think, was standing up for myself. I believed that wholeheartedly, so when my former supervisor or coworkers or anyone brought up those points, it didn’t affect me. It’s true what they say, “The only person who will truly look out for you, is you.” Listen to your gut! I’m so happy where I am now. Take it with a grain of salt, it’s only been about a month, but so far so good!

Life is tough, challenging, and unfair. Do you agree? Give my audience some advice on how to deal with adversity?

I think life can be tough and challenging. However, I don’t think my life has been particularly unfair. Some groups of people have been treated unfairly: women and other marginalized groups. I’ve been lucky in life to be born to great, supportive parents who help me to succeed. I do think it’s important to raise girls to believe they can succeed in whatever they are passionate about. I believe with boys and girls, that we shouldn’t enforce certain kinds of play. Like only boys play with trucks and Legos and only girls can play with dolls. I’m all for getting rid of gender stereotyping.

It’s kind of a bummer that I’m about to turn 40 and still single, but I’m not bitter about it thinking I’ve drawn the unlucky straw. I’m finally seeing it as a positive. I like doing my own thing. I’m glad I can order tacos yet again without someone going, “Are you sure you want to eat tacos for the 3rd night in a row?” Or “Do you think you should have that extra scoop of ice cream?” Okay, that’s not fair, because there’s no way I’ll end up with a pestering guy like that. Whoever he is will be supportive of my taco needs! My advice is that we are all on our own unique path, all we can do is keep at it as best we can, and try to have fun while doing it.

Finally, tell me a good joke?

My favorite joke is stolen from the movie Half Nelson starring the lovely Ryan Gosling. Although it was probably a popular joke before that movie. I don’t know! Anyway…

What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

Nacho cheese!

Featured Image Photo Credit: Steve Maxwell