Raising Kids With Purpose

The responsibilities of being a husband and a father are the two most challenging responsibilities I have faced in my life. It is the most difficult thing I have done. However, the most gratifying. No matter of money, goods, or achievement can replace my wife and daughter. As I enter my 20^th year into marriage and raise a 16-year-old, people ask me for formulas.

The truth is that there are no formulas. Just like instant noodles and fast food, there is no instant marriage or parenting. It is hard work, self-denial and considering the other person better all the time maintaining boundaries.

I am learning that I am not responsible for making sure that my daughter is happy all the time, getting the approval of others (Jean has always been her teacher’s favorite), control her, or do things for her that she is responsible for. I tell her that I am messed up, broken and will make mistakes. I hold her accountable, allow her to function as an independent person, make tough decisions but also empower and inspire her to achieve her best. There are many sacrifices along the way, but worth it.

Adriane Thompson runs a blog Raising Kids With Purpose. I want to dig a little more into this purpose.

Adriane, what is raising kids with purpose all about?

My mission at Raising Kids With Purpose is to help parents find their purpose in parenting by learning how to take care of themselves and connect with their kids. It’s about building strong relationships in order to raise self-reliant, competent, and emotionally healthy individuals.

Why should we read it? 

You should read it because I heavily research topics in order to make parenting a whole lot easier. Often times, we, parents, unintentionally make our children’s behavior worse which can make life really hard. But by taking care of ourselves through mindfulness and self-awareness, in addition to understanding emotional and brain development, we can save ourselves a lot of headaches and conflicts.

Who is your audience?

My audience is parents (mostly moms) of children ages 3-12.

Adriane, what kind of purpose are we talking about? 

The purpose we are talking about is being intentional with the way parents communicate, treat, and connect with their children. 

Helicopter parenting. Do you believe it?

I do not. I believe that it exists but I know for a fact how detrimental it is to a child’s development.

Talk to me about raising kids with an attitude of gratitude? 

Gratitude is such a powerful practice. Helping kids reach connective gratitude has so many benefits. Connective gratitude is far more than saying, “thank you.” It’s a deep appreciation for things, people, acts of kindness, etc. The appreciation is then reciprocated out of intrinsic motivation.  Having this attitude of gratitude increases happy hormones, redirects kids’ attention from toxic emotions and feelings, decreases feelings of envy and depression, it often leads to generosity, and it can foster healthy strong relationships for a lifetime.

What impact does social media have on kids and what can parents do?

I think it has a detrimental effect on kids. There is no need for kids to be on social media. I think parents should delay allowing their kids to have social media accounts for as long as possible. Also, having open communication as to why is also key.

Peace, patience, kindness, gentleness are universal qualities that need to be taught to our children to make them better citizens. Any tips?

The best thing a parent can do to teach all of these attributes is to model. Kids learn more from what they see, not what they hear.

We can talk a lot about kids, but it starts with the parents. The fruit does not fall far from the tree. So, what advice can you give parents in terms of behavior?

Again, start with connecting first. Parents have a lot of self-work to do as far as how they were parented. Many have to gain self-awareness as to what their triggers are or why they react the way they do. Then, by becoming a rockstar at self-regulation, they can remain calm and connect first before correcting or teaching. Once the child is in a regulated state, then the parent can discipline (NOT PUNISH), and give options and use those moments to teach very important life lessons. Our children’s brains are so underdeveloped that it’s almost impossible for them to stay regulated if we are not. It starts with us. I also strongly suggest staying away from extrinsic motivators or empty praise. Instead, focus on your child’s strengths instead of weaknesses, and typically the behaviors then dissipate. Teaching a growth mindset and allowing your child to experience emotions and failure also helps the brain grow and learn.

I am a big believer in creating memories and spending time with our kids. Kids want our time and attention do you agree?

Absolutely. Spending even five minutes of uninterrupted individual time with your kids will go a long way. Children are born to want to feel connected, love, seen, safe and hear from their primary caretaker.

Give my audience some advice on marriage, motherhood, balancing faith, family, food and finance in the 21st century?

That’s a lot! I have found that true balance does not exist. Instead of focusing on perfection, strive for progress and connection. Talk about your values and live them out. Strive to have the marriage you want your kids to have. Make family dinner a priority. And don’t worry about what others are doing. Focus on you and your unique children God blessed you with.

Talk to me about something challenging you have been through and how did you deal with it and come out on the other side?

A challenge I walk through every day is parenting a Twice Exceptional child with self-regulation and sensory processing integration challenges causing him to be explosive whenever his stress response is triggered. Thankfully, I am able to keep my brain from being hijacked by his but we have had some very hard days. Gaining as much knowledge as I can about what is going on in his brain and body has really helped become a much better parent. I have no other option but to connect and stay gentle and calm.