Bride Archives - Four Columns of a Balanced Life

Roce Ceremony at an Indian Wedding

admin — Thu, 23 Jun 2022 20:04:57 +0000

Roce ceremony is a ritual of an Indian wedding.

I love Indian weddings. The reason is that no Indian wedding is similar. There are Punjabi, Hindu, South Indian, Goan, Gujarati, Parsi, and Manglorean weddings. Each wedding has its own rich rituals embedded deeply in cultural traditions that have special connotations and spiritual meaning. The traditions are passed down from generation to generation to connect couples to their ancestry.

I was recently invited to Meira Dholakia’s Roce ceremony. The Roce ceremony is the Mangalorean/Goan Catholic equivalent of the Hindu Mehendi (Henna) or the Haldi (Turmeric) ceremony. The Roce ceremony is the most crucial and paramount pre-wedding custom in the Mangalorean Catholic community. Roce means juice. The freshly squeezed coconut milk is the main part of the ceremony.

Why is coconut milk used and what is the significance? Goa and Karnataka lie on the coastline of India. Coconut is an intrinsic, requisite, and indispensable part of the community. Roce represents purity and immaculate just like the white coconut milk. Coconut milk is a gift from God. The Roce ceremony is to show the reverence for God and our belief and credence in him. Oil is also used to imitate the Biblical era as leaders and kings were anointed with oil. The oil is also applied to Meira to bless her and to present her purity and holy to her groom. The Roce ceremony is a notable and profound purification rite to prepare Meira as she starts a new life.

The Roce ceremony is conducted by a female elder of the family also called the yejman. She explains the details of the ceremony and its significance. Meira and the bridesmaids are seated. On their left are the bowls of coconut milk and oil. A scripture from the Bible is read.

Meira is wearing the kirgi. It is Sapphire’s wedding saree, wrapped around the waist with a plain cotton blouse.

The women now start singing the voviyos. These are traditional wedding songs of the Mangalorean Christian community focusing on the ethics, goals, principles, values, and morals of the community, the respect for elders, and the deep belief and respect for God.

Sapphire the mother of the bride is the first to apply the roce and oil on Meira. Sapphire makes a sign of the cross on Meira’s forehead. She also touches Meira’s ears with the oil to represent that she has a clear ear to listen to and understand her husband. Sapphire now takes the coconut milk and pours it on Meira’s head. Anuroop the father now blesses Meira.

Sapphire shares a few words of wisdom and invites the elders, family, and friends to bless the bride.

Finally, it is my turn to bless the bride. I am overwhelmed with emotions. When a daughter of a close friend gets married, you feel like your own daughter is getting married. All the cousins and friends have thrown enough oil and coconut milk over the girls. I am here to bless them. I bless her and wish her all the best.

Meira leaves along with the bridesmaids to go and have a shower. They come back and are ready to party.

I love the colors and vibrancy of the various clothes, the embroidery, and the gold lacing.

Now comes the favorite part. The buffet. Rice pilaf, black gram curry, chicken curry, vegetables, and naan. Did I mention desserts? I helped myself to a few desserts.

The Roce ceremony took place on a Sunday. The wedding reception was on Friday. There were many speeches. One sentence that Meira mentioned stood out to me. She said she wanted a destination wedding. She attended her cousin’s wedding in New Zealand and finally realized she wanted a wedding with all the customs and rituals.

I was so impressed with the Roce ceremony. I saw how close the family is. Family members came from New Zealand, U.S., and India.

In a fast post-modern world, it is important to maintain these traditions in our wedding ceremonies. They are symbolic enactment of important facets of married life. It gives the whole process meaning. It creates memories and has cultural significance. The cultural and religious symbolism is woven into the tapestry of our lives and we remain connected.

The post Roce Ceremony at an Indian Wedding appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Ten Skills Required to be a Successful Husband

admin — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 05:00:27 +0000

The headlines roared about the closing of a major plant and as a result, more than 3,500 people would be out of a job. The spokesperson for the company said, “The skill sets of those impacted do not line up with the long-term trajectory of the business”. What has this got to do with being a husband?

After that, another expert commented on the situation. His take was: change or die.

As a result of the announcement, it got me thinking. We focus so much on our lives to develop skills to get a job. What about the skill set to be a husband and a father? Does a school even exist to teach us? Our very social fabric depends on this. Wives eventually lay us off in the form of divorce. Kids downsize us by not wanting to spend time with us.

Men are natural boneheads. We are fixers, insensitive, visual, and selfish. These inherent qualities do not help us in the role of a husband.

When I first got married, I thought I had arrived in heaven. All my problems are resolved. Marriage is a very expensive place to find out who you are. The spouse is like a mirror. The weaknesses magnify. It is a relationship where you learn by trial and error. You learn as you move along.

Some have a false idea that if they marry someone who practices a certain faith or same ethnic background, it will be different. However, all statistics point in the other direction. Study after study shows that it is no different.

Fatherhood has its joys and its challenges. In a marriage, you change from focusing on you to us. The equation changes with children. The shift in family dynamics brings its own ups and downs.

When I come home tired, I just want to switch the TV, eat and just chill. Jean wants me to play. She wants me to listen to how her day went. She wants me to comment on her paintings. Debbie just laughs all along. Most times, it is fun. Sometimes it is all about self-denial.

Change or die rang in my ears. Modern men have to develop a whole set of soft skills. For instance, listening, patience, kindness, gentleness, communicating, cooking, helping with chores, and changing diapers. For those with strong patriarchal backgrounds giving her importance and equality is important.

Here are some important skills to develop to be a husband:

Show appreciation
Listen
Do not interrupt
Do not flirt
Have boundaries
Be intentional
Make your marriage a priority
Watch your tongue
Validate her emotions
Be aware of your body language
Be disciplined
Say ‘I love you’ daily
Be open to change
Be kind and compassionate
Support her dreams
Character, character character
And finally, remember what Nathaniel Bonner said ‘No amount of success is worth personal failure at home’.

End of the day, both roles have made me a better human being. It has made me a balanced person. It has changed my view on life. Jean in all her innocence says I have to become a better listener. She is only 17 years old. I have a long way to go. Children just speak the truth.

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Betsy Kerekes: Ten of my favorite tips from 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage

admin — Sat, 29 Aug 2020 16:27:52 +0000

In a few weeks, I will be completing 19 years of marriage. I do not have a formula, but I do have marriage tips.

On the day of my marriage, if you had told me that within five years, five men in my wedding party, the minister that did the premarital counseling, the DJ, and the MC at my wedding would all get divorced, I would say seriously? But that is the truth.

Am I better because I have been married for 19 years? No. Am I perfect? No. Do I have everything figured out? No. However, I do ask many couples for their marriage tips.

I dated Debbie for nearly two years. I have to be honest. Many people questioned my choice. However, I knew myself and my gaps. Debbie filled those gaps.

On the day of my marriage, I had hair, abs chiseled by playing squash three times a week, working out, and swimming. 19 years later, the hair is gone, there is more blubber than abs, and I am the caretaker as cancer ravages Debbie.

Marriage is a marathon. It is a long drive on the highway. The tire has burst for me. Now what? Give up and walk away. Yell, scream, and shout why me?

I think about Debbie going through a C section for Jean. I think about Debbie taking care of Jean while I was doing my MBA. I was thinking of many times Debbie would get up at 4 am, shovel the snow, so I can leave home at 6.45 am.

Marriage is hard work. It is not a transactional business. Going to church does not protect you. You have to be intentional to work on your marriage.

If you see a successful hockey, basketball, or baseball player, they became successful by putting in many, many hours of hard work and sacrificed along the way.

It’s the same in marriage. There is no instant formula or magic. You get what you put into it. There you go, another tip on marriage.

I am super excited about having Betsy Kerekes. Betsy Kerekes is the author of Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying and coauthor of 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage and 101 Tips for Marrying the Right Person. Her professional experience includes public relations for Franciscan University of Steubenville, proofreading for Patrick Madrid’s Envoy magazine, and contributing to Aleteia, MercatorNet, Catholic Lane, Catholic Exchange, CatholicMom.com, The Southern Cross, and Creative Minority Report. Kerekes serves as editor and director of online publications at the Ruth Institute, where she writes weekly newsletters and manages the blog. She telecommutes from her home near San Diego, where she homeschools her four children and blogs about her parenting adventures at parentingisfunny.wordpress.com. Betsy offers her ten favorite marriage tips.

COVID has made a lot of people stuck at home together when they previously had more space and alone time. Tempers can run high under stressful circumstances. For all couples, married or otherwise, here are ten of my favorite tips from 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage.

Enjoy the warm fuzzy feelings, but don’t feel cheated if they go away. Feelings are fleeting. “I like the way I feel with this person” is not enough to sustain a marriage for a lifetime.

People often get divorced because they simply fall out of love with each other. “The chemistry is gone,” they say. It’s impossible to stay madly in love 24/7, but simple reminders of your feelings for each other (past and present) can help keep the flame alive. Read old journals from when you first met. Leave love notes for each other. Make up a scavenger hunt with a romantic prize at the end. The possibilities are endless, and falling in love with the same person can be just as exhilarating the second, third, and twelfth time around.

Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. You can take care of yourself. Know that you will be okay, no matter what your spouse chooses to do or not do.

Knock yourself out of the mindset that your spouse has often done this or that for you, and therefore should always do those things for you. Sometimes that just won’t be possible, and that’s okay, because you’re a big kid. You will survive, even if it means squishing the big spider yourself, pulling the chair over to reach the top shelf on your own, or cooking for yourself. It may mean listening to “Eye of the Tiger” several times in advance, but you can do it.

Make a decision to take care of household issues that really matter to you. You won’t need to nag your spouse about something truly important to you because you will be solving the problem yourself.

Believe it or not, social scientists have studied the question of housework: who does it, who complains about it, and what difference it makes. Study after study shows that women are happier when they feel appreciated for their contributions, and men are happier when they don’t feel nagged. So, if the housework is nagging at you, don’t nag at each other! Just take care of it! And if your spouse takes care of something, say thank you.

Practice giving to your spouse. “I’m getting up to get a cup of coffee. Can I get something for you?”

Anticipate your spouse’s needs. If you notice your spouse’s cup is half empty (or half full, if you prefer), get up for more before your spouse even notices he or she is running low. It will make him or her happy and even bring delight to your own heart when you know you’ve done a good deed. Remember, it’s those little unexpected things that carry the most weight.

Relinquish control of small issues. You will be building up the feeling of teamwork within your home. You will feel a lot less stressed yourself if you let go of the need to win on trivial issues. And you’ll be in a much stronger position to stand your ground when the two of you disagree over something really important.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff, or you’ll drown in it.” In a marriage, it’s critical to recognize the small stuff and to remember what is the biggest: your relationship. Don’t raise your blood pressure because she ate the last of the mint chocolate chip ice cream or because he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle instead of the end. But really, in the little debates, the one who feels less strongly on the matter should simply give in to the other. Keep the peace, and keep your spouse.

Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, even in your mind. If you find yourself mentally rehearsing your grudges, change the subject. Harboring negative thoughts will make you sour.

Have you ever taken a picture of someone right as they sneezed? Those pictures never turn out well. And sometimes when we talk, we say something we didn’t actually mean; it didn’t come outright. Sometimes we’re just having an off day and speak or act more harshly than we normally would. If your spouse does something out of the ordinary, in a hurtful sort of way, he or she may just be having an off day. Give him or her some space and time, and think of that incident as the moment when he or she sneezed as the picture snapped. Throw the photo, and the incident, out of your mind.

Accept the fact that each of you is good at a different set of things and cares about a different set of things.

I hate football season. I absolutely dread it every year. To make things worse, it often begins on or around my birthday. For my husband, however, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Consequently, I must endure countless monologues about quarterbacks, linebackers, conferences, stats, and other information that filters loosely through my mind while I try to figure out what to make for dinner. As much as it pains me to endure this useless information, I know that he loves to talk football, and I’m the only person around, short of an imaginary friend, who will listen even remotely. With your loved ones, you make allowances. That’s just the way it is.

Plan another time to discuss the issue or solve the problem you’re fighting about.

Certain times just aren’t good for arguments. Late at night, right before dinner when you’re both hungry, or when company is over are obvious examples. “Don’t go to bed angry” is not the best advice. Chances are, you won’t be thinking clearly or rationally when you’re tired. Sometimes, it’s better to postpone the inevitable discussion so that each of you can have time to cool off and think out your position rationally. Just remember that when you do return to the war room, be honest, open, and willing to listen.

Sing. We often “get stuck” on a negative idea during a fight. Neuroscience has shown that singing helps us use both halves of the brain. Singing helps you get “unstuck.”

You may find yourself starting off with “These boots are made for walking” or “Any man of mine better walk the line,” but after a while, you’ll be able to move yourself on from the thwarted romance genre to a sappy love song, preferably a duet.

I have friends who sing their arguments or speak with an accent so they don’t take themselves, or each other, too seriously. It also helps them get over it sooner. Try it sometime.

Allow yourself to enjoy your spouse’s surprises. He or she contributes to your household in all sorts of ways that might never occur to you. “I didn’t think of playing games with the children. I was focused on chores, and you created some pleasure in our home. Thank you.”

It’s good every once in a while to do something spontaneous. It keeps the marriage fresh and lively. Be happy to receive such actions and open to doing them yourself. Pay attention, also, to the nonspontaneous but wonderful things your spouse does all the time that you may take for granted. The example in this tip also reminds us to occasionally take a break from the daily grind and to appreciate what really matters.

The post Betsy Kerekes: Ten of my favorite tips from 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

San Sebastian del Oeste

admin — Sat, 21 Dec 2019 21:55:21 +0000

Importance of a Cultural Tour

Discovering the history, language, culture, and ultimately, the people of a country can be rewarding. A cultural tour outlasts the suntan and lets you dip your toes into a country where you end up with an exotic blend of experiences that you can relate to the locals. This is even more important when staying at an all-inclusive.

Tours From Palladium Vallarta

The aquatic excursions from Palladium Vallarta are Pirate Ship Canadian Night, Ocean Mania, Yalapa & Majahuitas, Las Caletas Beach Hideaway, Whale Watching, Marietas Island Snorkeling, Luxury Sailing, and Sea Safari.

The entertainment and adventure tours include Rhythms of the Night, Extreme Adventure, Outdoor Adventure, Offroad, Pirate Land Day Tour, and Zip.

I recommend the cultural tour to San Sebastian del Oeste. The tour is run by Vallarta Adventures. In Puerto Vallarta, tour buses are not allowed to pick you up from the hotel. You have to take a taxi from the hotel to the head office of Vallarta Adventures.

The tour does include an amazing breakfast buffet and drinks. After breakfast, we head out to San Sebastian. The tour guides are amazing. They ask each person to share a little about themselves and what do they plan on getting from this trip.

Bakery

The first stop is at a panaderia (bakery). A great place to relax and have a drink.

The baked goods are some of the best I have ever tasted.

The owner and his wife have been using these recipes for decades.

Don Lalin Distillery

After the stopover at the bakery, we head out to Hacienda Don Lalin distillery making Raicilla.

Raicilla is a mezcal, which is Puerto Vallarta’s best-kept secret.

I find it sweeter and more aromatic than tequila. Raicilla comes from the Chico Aguiar variety of wild agave that is grown for about eight years, fire-roasted, fermented and then distilled.

John Huston

On our way to San Sebastian just before lunch, we stop at John Huston’s hacienda.

The hacienda was a gold and silver refinery and one can see the kilns and various equipment.

American film director John Huston single-handedly changed Puerto Vallarta from a fishing village to an international tourist destination. Huston hit a magic formula with The African Queen and The Treasure of Sierra Madre. Huston cast famous Hollywood stars in gorgeous, far-flung settings and made the locations the theme of the movie.

In 1962, Huston shot Night of the Iguana, in Mismaloya in a village south of Puerto Vallarta. Richard Burton was the lead along with Sue Lyon, Deborah Kerr and Ava Gardener. Elizabeth Taylor joined so that she could be close to Burton. Burton and Liz were in love after Cleopatra which sizzled the world. The photographers swarmed them and the Italian word for insects ‘paparazzi’ entered the English lexicon. The rest is history or ‘erotic vagrancy’ as the Vatican called it.

The press from all over the world flocked to Puerto Vallarta and when not focusing on Liz and Dick started focusing on what Puerto Vallarta had to offer. This location was pure bliss, utopia, the Promised Land with great beaches, haciendas, homes with tiles, palm trees and birds everywhere.

We stop at a restaurant for lunch.

San Sebastian

After a long drive on a scenic route along the winding road, we arrive at San Sebastian. My first impression is that it is locked away in time, surrounded by mountains carpeted in dense tropical vegetation. It is Mexico’s most well-preserved towns.

San Sebastian is ensconced deep in the heart of the Sierra Madre Mountains. It is off the beaten path and one of Mexico’s last remaining secrets. A town and a municipality that is not far from Puerto Vallarta but far from the tourist haunts. San Sebastian was founded in 1605 and consists of unique antique haciendas and homes. At its peak in 1830, its population was in excess of 20,000, working in mines, gold and silver refineries. The Mexican Revolution in 1910 brought production to a halt and the last mine shut down in 1921.

As you enter the town it reminds you of peace and tranquility. It is clean and tidy. The cobbled roads lead to a beautiful museum.

The church is beautiful from inside.

The inn has been around for a long long time.

There are lots of stores, shops and restaurants that are unique.

The organic coffee store has been run by the same family for 150 years.

A trip to San Sebastian really reminds you of how simple life was. It gets you in touch with nature, organic food and the simplicity of life. It was an amazing cultural tour that I will remember for a long time.

The post San Sebastian del Oeste appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Bride Archives - Four Columns of a Balanced Life

Roce Ceremony at an Indian Wedding

Ten Skills Required to be a Successful Husband

Betsy Kerekes: Ten of my favorite tips from 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage

Enjoy the warm fuzzy feelings, but don’t feel cheated if they go away. Feelings are fleeting. “I like the way I feel with this person” is not enough to sustain a marriage for a lifetime.

Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. You can take care of yourself. Know that you will be okay, no matter what your spouse chooses to do or not do.

Make a decision to take care of household issues that really matter to you. You won’t need to nag your spouse about something truly important to you because you will be solving the problem yourself.

Practice giving to your spouse. “I’m getting up to get a cup of coffee. Can I get something for you?”

Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, even in your mind. If you find yourself mentally rehearsing your grudges, change the subject. Harboring negative thoughts will make you sour.

Accept the fact that each of you is good at a different set of things and cares about a different set of things.

Plan another time to discuss the issue or solve the problem you’re fighting about.

Sing. We often “get stuck” on a negative idea during a fight. Neuroscience has shown that singing helps us use both halves of the brain. Singing helps you get “unstuck.”