#god Archives - Four Columns of a Balanced Life

How to find the right church for you

admin — Fri, 02 May 2025 20:02:53 +0000

That’s a deep question: How do you find the right church?

Churches have become commodified—focused on branding, entertainment, and attracting “customers” rather than fostering genuine spiritual growth.

In the last nine months, I have received more emails, calls, texts, and Facebook messages regarding the above question.

Choosing a church is a significant decision that can impact your spiritual growth, sense of community, and overall well-being.

In 2004, I had just moved to the Durham Region. I found Sanctus in Ajax. Sanctus changed my life. Sanctus’s preaching was biblically sound and Christ-centered. The worship style was contemporary which made an instant connection with me. The sermons were engaging, meaningful, and applicable to me. The focus was on leading a holistic life led by the Holy Spirit. Jesus was the focus of everything they did. They had small groups.

The transparency and accountability of Sanctus was amazing. The leadership structure was clear with a Biblical accountability. The integrity in finances, governance, and decision-making was impeccable. The mission and vision were evangelism, community service, discipleship, and mentoring.

The youth program was unbelievable. My daughter never wanted to leave.

The board was humble and as a member, we had meetings every quarter.

As I looked around at the membership the head of TTC, the VP from a Canadian bank, Professors from Tyndale, entrepreneurs and a vibrant community.

Sanctus has four sites and 5000 people in attendance in 2025.

It was hard to leave after 18 years and the hunt for a new church in the Niagara Escarpment began.

The first thing you need to know to find the right church is that Christianity is not a spectator sport. You will not benefit if you come only on Sunday and leave right after service. You need to become intentional in serving, joining a small group, and inviting people to your home.

The second fact you need to be aware of is that you cannot be a consumer in Christianity.

Finally, the church is full of broken, messed-up people who are looking for help.

For my emotional well-being and spiritual growth it was important to find the right church that was safe and healthy. I have listed some key indicators of a safe and healthy church.

Biblical Teaching & Theology

Church doctrine is extremely important because it defines the core beliefs and teachings of a faith community. It provides a foundation for understanding God, salvation, morality, and the purpose of life. The teaching should align with the Bible, encouraging faith, love and grace. To find the right church make sure that beliefs remain consistent with Scripture and historical teachings, preventing misinterpretation or deviation from core Christian principles. Christ, not a leader or tradition, is the center of teaching, worship, and mission.

The doctrine helps believers know how to live according to God’s will, shaping their worldview, ethics, and daily decisions. Shared doctrine unites believers, preventing confusion and division while fostering a sense of community and purpose. Doctrine safeguards against heresies and misleading ideologies that could distort the faith.

However, it’s also important to balance doctrine with love and grace. While firm beliefs are necessary, rigid legalism without compassion can drive people away. A healthy church upholds sound doctrine while living out Christ’s love. A healthy church also uses exegesis, hermeneutics and stays away from proof texting when looking at scripture.

Authentic Leadership who are accountable

When a church leader walks authentically, it fosters trust, unity, and a thriving spiritual environment. An authentic leader lives out Christian principles both privately and publicly and demonstrates a lifestyle of service, forgiveness, prayer and generosity. To find the right church look for leadership who preach but also embody it. The leader is transparent and accepts that he does not have all the answers. She listens actively, values feedback and avoids manipulation or control. She prioritizes people over programs and status.

An authentic leader handles criticism and conflict with grace and surrounds themselves with a team for spiritual, financial and ethical accountability.

Financial Transparency & Stewardship

The church should have open financial reporting with members in meeting or bulletins. The budget should show how funds are allocated to mission, salaries, community outreach and building maintenance. Members

Members can request and review financial documents without resistance or secrecy. A group should oversee spending, budgeting and accountability. Elders or a board of trustees should provide oversight and approval for major expenses or changes. The spending aligns with the mission and vision of the church such as caring for the poor, supporting ministries, and maintaining the facility responsibly.

Finally staff are paid fairly in a way that honors their work. An authentic leader will talk about giving from a Biblical perspective not obligation or manipulation.

A lack of transparency or a culture where financial questions are unwelcome is a red flag.

The Atmosphere

Does the church welcome everyone, regardless of background, lifestyle, past mistakes or appearances. Is grace and support offered openly or the focus more on condemnation and rules? Is sin looked at a pathway to transformation, or does it create fear and shame? Are differing viewpoints encouraged and or just shut down.

Does the church offer room for growth and second chances, or is there a culture of legalism and perfectionism?

A healthy church balances truth and grace—acknowledging sin but offering love, restoration, and hope. If a church feels more like a courtroom than a hospital for the broken, it may be judgmental.

Community & Fellowship

In finding the right church the congregation has to be warm and welcoming. There needs to be opportunities to connect through small groups or various ministries. A safe and healthy church encourages strong relationships among its members.

Mission & Outreach

A healthy and safe church should have a strong commitment to evangelism and community service. You need to check if there are missions, local outreach, and service opportunities. The church needs to have discipleship and mentoring in its DNA.

Family & Youth Programs

A safe church has a intergenerational component to it. There are programs for children, teens, and young adults. There needs to be resources and support for families. If the church does not have answers then they refer the members to counseling.

A healthy church needs to have a strong emphasis on raising the next generation in faith?

Prayer & Spiritual Growth

A church that focuses on prayer and dependance on God, that encourages personal holiness and growth in faith is the right church.

Size & Location

Do you prefer a small, intimate church or a large congregation? Is the church easily accessible from your home? Does the church provide online services if needed?

Peace & Confirmation from God

The church that we found, we were at peace and led by the Holy Spirit to be there. The contemplative approach helped me to grow closer to Christ and where my family is thriving spiritually.

Examples of safe churches and Pastors

I have known Dave Adams for more than two decades. He has pastored at Grindstone and Sanctus. Dave worked in the corporate world and has a great sense of humor and an amazing family.

I have know Jonathan Manafo for more than two decades. He is the founder of The Village. I have asked him some of the toughest questions about life. He has been through so many challenges but his faith never fails.

I have known Kevin Robbins for 35 years. A humble man with a great family. He has faced many challenges but has overcome with his deep faith.

In the last three years no pastor has helped me more than Matt Pamplin. Just an outstanding man.

Good luck in finding the right church and reach out to me if you are looking for a safe church in your area.

The post How to find the right church for you appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Lorie Hartshorn

admin — Sun, 15 May 2022 04:00:11 +0000

Lorie Hartshorn is a lover of Jesus, her family, and the local church. As an international speaker and author, her primary passion is to make Jesus known. She loves to see people grow in faith and experience spiritual freedom. Sunshine, books, cottage, food, and conversation bring her joy! I ask Lorie about life, changing careers, marriage, motherhood, and becoming a grandmother.

Lorie, welcome to my Women of Wisdom series. Please tell my audience a little about you.

Well, I wear many hats! A woman of faith, wife, mom of grown children, gramma of 2 baby girls (my favorite), speaker, writer, TV Host, Pastor, Leader, Educator, Fundraiser, Teacher… that sounds exhausting! LOL

The truth is, what I do is a part of who I am. It just looks different from season to season. I love nature, long walks, reading, sharing food and conversation with others, spending time at my cottage, and campfires!

Walk me down your career path from a teacher, to an executive, to a minister, and now a TV anchor?

I’ll take you back to my childhood when I would set up a school in my basement and make worksheets for all the neighborhood kids to fill out! My dad installed a chalkboard, so I was the coolest teacher on the block and I was 11! With my desire to teach from a very young age and a heart for God, I wasn’t sure if I was to be a missionary or a teacher so I decided to go to a school where I could combine my faith and my desire to teach. It took me to the States where I got my undergraduate degree in Education and Biblical Studies along with a Bachelor of Education degree from the University of Nebraska. Yes, – Cornhusker Football and all!!

I then returned to Canada and started my teaching career in a private Christian School. It was there that I started doing theatre arts productions with the students which led to 25 years of producing, writing, and directing choirs and theatrical plays, both in schools and in the church setting. I love storytelling and this was one of the ways that I could tell stories and also equip and empower others to tell inspiring stories.

I wasn’t looking to be a fundraiser, I mean, who would! But when I was asked to raise money for the school I was working at, I went to a one-day workshop and the presenter asked the question, ‘How many of you love to raise money?’…two keeners raised their hands…then he asked the question, ‘How many of you could raise friends for your organization?’ – my hand flew up! That was it! I was a friend-raiser! I had the privilege of raising friends for schools and then it opened a door for me to lead a Canadian Non-Profit organization, called EQUIP Leadership Canada, founded by Dr. John C. Maxwell. It was amazing to train and equip leaders both nationally and internationally with biblical leadership principles. It was in this season that my speaking ministry started to grow. So, my storytelling and teaching skills continued to be used in a new setting.

Then came the call to Pastor. I have always served in the church and in many ways, I have pastored people for years but this was a new role and call to the office of a Pastor. For 5 years I used my leadership skills as well as speaking in a large church in Canada, C4 Church, which I still attend.

You speak at many women’s conferences. What is your message and why should we listen to it?

My main message would be for people to experience spiritual freedom in their lives. I’m a Bible teacher, so everything I teach is based on the Word of God. I believe the scriptures are not only true but powerful to change people’s lives. I had a wake-up call in my life in the years that my kids were teenagers and young adults. We raised our kids in the church but each of them took a turn away from their faith for a number of years and made some very poor choices. We were facing addiction to drugs and alcohol and some very painful circumstances that caused me to question, not only my parenting but my faith. It was an essential wake up call to me that spiritual warfare is real and the enemy of our souls was out to destroy our family. I have always been a praying person but this changed the way I prayed. Both my husband and I got really serious about prayer and rather than being overwhelmed by the painful circumstances, we saw God do miraculous things. We saw him deliver our kids from addiction and mental turmoil and do a transformative thing in each of our lives. This changed me at my core. I believe in the power of Jesus to save us not only from our sins and give us new life but also to defeat the enemy who loves to keep us living a powerless Christianity.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you?

Well, I already shared a little of my motherhood experience. So, suffice it to say, I love being a mom but being a Gramma – or Glamma – is the best!!

Mothering and Grandmothering make you real! Like the advice the skin horse gave to the little stuffed rabbit in, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, “by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

I have heard you talk about the challenges with your kids and how you have overcome them. please help us as we deal with challenges with our kids?

As parents, we do a lot of guilt but I have learned that it’s not all about me! There’s a novel thought. It’s important to deal with your own stuff so that you can better help your kids face their stuff but in the end, your kids make choices. Some you agree with, some you don’t. We are called to love unconditionally. When you experience the love and grace of God for yourself, and really learn to receive that love and walk in it, then you have so much more to give to your kids and grandkids. Live loved and you’ll love others better.

You have been married for quite a while, give me some practical tips on having a successful marriage?

Dean and I have been married for 33 years! Time flies when you’re having fun. Ok, it’s not all fun. But again, it is about learning to love and be loved. You have to keep it real in marriage. Don’t be disillusioned by Hollywood or social media. Love is a choice. You chose every day to love your spouse. You may not always like them Or agree with them. But you can choose to love and honor them in spite of your differences. We keep choosing love. We keep growing too. Deal with your stuff! Get to a counselor. Talk to wise people and avoid fools! You can’t give what you don’t have, so always keep learning and becoming more emotionally healthy so you can give that to your marriage and you’re guaranteed to win.

You are an amazing communicator. How important is communication in our daily lives, work, business?

Thank you! I believe that stories change lives. When we tell a story, people lean in and often say, ‘me too’. When a story brings hope then that transfers to another life. So, to me, communication is driven by what’s in your heart. For some communication is simply about dumping a whole lot of information or demonstrating what they think they know and perhaps hoping it will make them look good. But I think communication is a gift that is intended to create connections. If our goal is to sincerely connect with others and it’s motivated by love and not ego, then I believe it’s the greatest gift we can offer another human being. Communication happens not only in what you say but how you say it. It’s noticing people, it’s considering where they are at and trying to step into their shoes. I don’t always do that well, but I’m learning.

John Maxwell said it so well, ‘Everyone communicates but few connect’. My desire has always been to connect. Whether I’m speaking one on one or to a large crowd or to a TV camera. I simply want to connect with a message of love and hope. I want people to lean in and say ‘me too’ and reach for the hope and healing that is offered to them.

Tell us about your TV show and what are you trying to accomplish?

The 700 Club Canada is a daily Christian TV show that airs nationally across Canada. Its goal is to share the good news of Jesus Christ across our nation and beyond. I love the program because it uses people’s stories or testimonies to demonstrate to others that God is real, that He loves them, and that Jesus is truly the way to freedom, to forgiveness and to a right relationship with God. I love interviewing people and sharing stories….see the theme…and the best story in the world is the story that the Bible tells.

In simple terms, here is the message of the bible for some of your readers that may not be familiar.

We live in a broken world. We can see it all around us, broken relationships, sickness, wars, etc. but God never intended it to be that way. God’s original design for this world was that we would be in a loving perfect relationship with Him. But God gave us a choice and that perfect relationship was broken when the first humans chose to do things their own way. The bible calls that sin and it put us all into brokenness and separates us from God. We all want a way out of brokenness and for some that means, sex, money, power, or success…but all of these things just boomerang us back into brokenness. But God made a way out of brokenness! He sent His son Jesus into this world to model for us what it looks like to live in a loving relationship with God. Jesus was perfect but He chose to die for us on the cross and took all our brokenness on Himself. All our sins, all our failures, all our pain…He took it on himself. Then he rose again and overcame death and He asks us to believe in what He did on the cross and to turn away from our brokenness and to make Jesus the Lord and leader of our life. When we do that we experience saving! We are rescued from our sin, our brokenness, all because of what Jesus did and we are given the Holy Spirit to help us then live the life God intended for us and puts us back into the right relationship with God. It’s the only way to live. It brings freedom and healing!

In your book, you talk about spiritual warfare, help me understand this better?

Spiritual warfare is the reality that there are two kingdoms in conflict. The kingdom of God and the kingdom of Satan. The Bible unpacks for us how this all went down but to put it in simple terms, we can only serve one king, so will it be God or Satan. We have to ask ourselves the question, which kingdom do you belong to? Jesus came to earth to destroy the kingdom of Satan and He accomplished that by going to the cross. Satan thought he had won when Jesus died…but He wasn’t prepared for Easter!! Jesus rose again and defeated Satan. We are then told that we have to choose who we will follow, God or Satan? For many, they don’t think it’s that dramatic…I mean, if I’m a good person just minding my business, what’s the big deal? Well, that’s spiritual ignorance or blindness and the enemy doesn’t want you to know that you are essentially in a cosmic battle and on the losing side. Unless you chose to follow Jesus. He’ll lead you to the Father and to freedom.

How do you balance faith, food, finance, and family in the 21st century?

I don’t really like the word balance – as that assumes all things are equal. I prefer the word priorities. Faith is my overriding priority. I also love food and believe it is a gift from God for us to enjoy, so I seek to honor God with my body and eating good food and living a healthy lifestyle pleases Him and enables me to be the person He designed me to be. Money is also a gift from God and when we view it as a tool that we can master, rather than having it master us, then we can enjoy it without it controlling us. Dean and I made a decision early in our marriage to simply live within our means. God has honored that and we’ve always had all that we need. We also believe in living generously, as nothing really belongs to us – so that frees you up to not be controlled by money but rather to be in control of your money and enjoy blessing others. And family, well they are one of my biggest priorities. So, no matter what season I’m in, no matter what job I have, my family is the priority and I’ve never regretted that. I’ve turned down jobs and chose some different paths in order to keep them the priority and I wouldn’t change a thing.

The post Lorie Hartshorn appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Spirituality, Meditation and Spiritual Growth

admin — Tue, 12 Apr 2022 04:00:37 +0000

RG. No…, not Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul Godara is spiritual.

Spirituality is a deep and vast approach with various interpretations. The common theme is connecting with a higher being that is bigger than ourselves. The focus is to make a positive impact and find a deeper meaning in life. It is a catholic human experience that touches and shapes us. Many find a mosque or temple. synagogue, church, yoga, or a small group to connect and enhance their spiritual life. Others pray, meditate, recite, serve or connect with nature and art.

Rahul is self-aware of his spiritual growth, strengths, and weaknesses. The Hindu faith allows him to get in touch with his feelings, emotions, and the spiritual world. Rahul was a school captain and a gap student at Harrow. We connect and talk about spirituality, meditation, spiritual healing, and spiritual meditation, and find many common themes between Hinduism and Christianity.

Rahul, I love talking about spirituality, faith, travel, food, and family. Let’s start by telling my audience a little about you?

One of the highlights of my school life was meeting Tarsem Singh Dhandwar, an alumnus, a leading figure in Hollywood in the world of Visual Art. He was perhaps the first person I really looked up to for his artistic and brilliant mind, coupled with an exuberant love for the world, and its colors.

I had always fancied myself as a man living in New York, with a trench coat, and a smoke on my lips! As a result, I fulfilled that when I went to study acting at the New York Film Academy. After that, I lived in NYC for 2 years, acted on Broadway, worked in a boutique hotel and did other things. My long and steady search for the divine and spirituality, led to a meeting with my Guru Amma, in New York. In conclusion, I returned to India in 2012 and spent 7 months with her. As a result, it became a fundamental turning point in my life.

I learned a lot about the values of true spirituality, the concept of a Satguru (A fully realized being), and the principles of Sadhana (spiritual practise), as a means of emancipation from the cycle of suffering that we undergo as human beings.

Currently, I spend my time between Kasar Devi, a very spiritually charged Himalayan Village in the Kumaon Himalayas, and in Punjab, North India with my parents. I am running a travel company focused on Spiritual Travel and Immersion, and a culture center in Kasar Devi. By the way Jerry, Bob Dylan visited Kasar in his heyday! So did Cat Stevens, and Swami Vivekananda had some of his highest realizations here.

I have a very beautiful and amazing woman in my life, from the Himalayan mountains, whose identity we shall keep mysterious and hidden~~ ;).

What motivated you to start the Resplendent Soul? Walk me through the whole process and what is it all about?

While spending time at Ammas ashram, and traveling around Dharamshala (Home to the Dalai Lama), I realized that a lot of people were looking for the depths of Indian thought, but could scratch only the surface of it. I felt like I could facilitate their outer and inner journeys within India, and then the idea of Resplendent Soul popped up. Resplendence is my favorite word in English. It means ‘Dazzling Measureless Splendour”.

The tours are 4, 7, and 18 days long. We take people through some of the regular well-known Indian spiritual hubs like Rishikesh, Vrindavan and then the more abstract places like Babaji’s ashram, or my village of Kasar Devi.

On the tours, people experience the deep ocean of Hindu life and thought, while we also showcase other religions. They are able to experience the devotion of the Hindu people, in terms of the rituals like fire ceremonies, pujas, devotional worship via songs and music, etc. They are able to appreciate both the outer aspect of the use of colors, life, people, and the deeper metaphysical meaning behind them. For example, many people are not aware, but the fire ceremony of India is very beneficial for psychological ailments and gives one a profound love for life. Cool aye?!!

The tours also include social aspects like service and social entrepreneurship, so as to enable one to see God in all of creation, and not limit it to prayer and worship.

Currently, I do 2-3 big tours annually for Germans, Kiwis, and sometimes a mixed group, apart from the small ones.

Help me understand what you mean by let’s get deeper into the heart of the universe?

The Heart of the Universe! Hmm… I don’t know, how to put this, cause even I am perhaps at the foot of the universe. As I grow older, I realize that we are unable to fully experience life’s deepest joy, strength, and confidence because we live on the periphery. We are too much in the mind of the mind, and not in the Heart of the Mind. To really understand the depths, one has to go very deep, dive deep within, to the very source from where the mysteries of the universe unfold.

Like Anandamayee ma, the great Bengali saint said “The world was born out of joy that is why you find joy in the fleeting things of the world, otherwise life would be an ordeal, but you must attain to that great joy, which brought forth the world!

How does one understand more of the guiding principles of life, of truth and Godliness via tours, retreats, working with communities, creativity, blogging, photography, friendship, and humanity?

I feel deeply that most of our education has been based to help us become survivors. We learn all the tools like mathematics, biology, English, etc., to simply earn a livelihood and make a name for ourselves. But we have not cultured the heart truly. We have many negative emotions like hatred, jealousy, lust, the works, but not enough self-knowledge and antidotes to transform them. I feel we can re-educate ourselves slowly and steadily. Just like 4 columns believes in a holistic attitude towards life, we can relearn the basic fundamentals of living a happy and contented existence, via the mediums of creativity, self-knowledge, scriptures, sharing in community growth, social service, family, hearing great stories and positive information that is already existing in the world. I like to use knowledge resources quite a bit, to understand the various spectrums of life and living, and I feel any and every human being can do so, by reading and understanding more effectively.

Explain who Guru Amma is and what is the message of the divine?

Amma and Haidakhan babaji are my two gurus. A guru literally means “Dispeller of Darkness”. They are both Satgurus, meaningfully enlightened beings who have only taken birth to help all mankind, just like Christ.

Does your spirituality include a God, a holy book, and what is the supreme self?

To me, spirituality is both form & formless. So as a practicing Hindu on the journey towards God-realization, I worship all the forms of divinity present in the Sanatana Dharma (The original name of Hinduism) and all other faiths.

I especially enjoy loving Lord Shiva, Lord Ram, Krishna, Devi, and Hanuman!

I have a very big reverence for the ancient and present masters of India like Amma, Babaji, Neem Karoli Baba, Papaji, Padmasambhava, Nisargadatta Maharaj, and also many from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.

I do read different spiritual texts as is the way in India, and not a single Holy Book. My favorite scriptures are mostly words of Masters who are living or have left the body.

The Supreme Self just is. As it is! Before, and beyond a name. Perhaps God is another word we use for it. Just like the Yogis use Pure Consciousness.

Sat-Chit-Ananda! Truth –Consciousness- Bliss.

Let’s talk about tours. What is your goal here? Is it to showcase India? Is it to connect the traveler to their own spirituality or to connect with Indian spirituality?

The goal of the tours is to show the wealth of India’s spiritual light, so the seeker can benefit from those and use them in their own life. The Sanatana Dharma is very scientific, vast, and alluring and can provide many tools to crossover from suffering to endless union with self!

India has an endless ocean of knowledge, devotion, and beauty. Perhaps that’s the reason this country has been so tolerant and loving towards all, even those who plundered it. It is Mother India!

By showcasing the many modalities of spirituality present, we wish to inspire the seeker, who has come on a journey, to connect to their own hidden potential. Some of them get inspired to take on practices and insights from the Indian traditions, and some just enjoy it, get a nice feeling, and do what they were already doing. It’s a bit like “Eat, Pray, Love”!!!

Rahul, India is not a safe country for women. How do you ensure the safety of women on your tours? Give me practical aspects of your security procedures?

Yes, India is facing a major problem with women’s security, and we wish to do our best to be a part of the change in consciousness towards the removal of this problem. Usually, our women travelers do not face any issue, as we travel in groups, and they are mostly in very safe areas, with us. If we are helping a single woman traveler navigate her way towards India, we try to connect her to the best people and services, wherein her risk is minimized. Until now, fortunately, there have been no negative incidents in the last 5-6 years since our inception.

Why does the world need art, music, spirituality, and getting in touch with these things?

The world needs these, like music, for example, is one of the easiest ways to connect to oneself, and thereby to one’s godliness. As a result, spiritually charged devotional music from any tradition helps us to feel rejuvenated in spirit, to take care of our negative emotions, and help cross over the difficult times. Nanak, the great Saint, and founder of Sikhism used to often say that just by listening to the Lord’s name, one can become perfectly happy and perfect!

I think art can really help in catharsis and helping one unload both the beauty and the darkness within. Ditto for spirituality. The greater we are attuned with the cosmic truth, the happier, more contented, and dynamic we become!

Talk to me about food? I am sure spirituality means taking care of your own body?

Jerry, I have learned slowly how important food is. Gurumayi, says that we mostly only need about 60-70% of the food that we eat. The rest is just our hunger for God, for truth.

I feel if we eat too much, or not the right combinations we become tamasic, lazy, in inertia, and slowly degrade ourselves and our minds.

While eating light vegetarian meals, we remain uplifted, sparkly, and can have a stronger cognitive ability, provided we combine that with the right thinking and feelings! I am experimenting more with foods these days and enjoying the effects. For example, I am more of a pitta type person, a fiery type, so lessening caffeine has been beneficial, so has decreasing spicy foods. I have also incorporated a self-massage 2-3 times a week, called Abhyanga, from the ancient Ayurvedic style, which also helps alleviate the daily pent up tensions, and helps remove toxins from the body as well! The results have been amazing!

I believe in loving people unconditionally, getting in touch with my own brokenness, so light can come in, forgiveness, gratitude, peace, patience, kindness, and gentleness. Do we have anything in common?

We have a lot in common Jerry. I do understand and appreciate the Christian principle of “the brokenness” within. We all come enmeshed in our karmas from previous lives and to that, we add on the ignorance of this life. By accepting our brokenness, our not knowing, we open the door for God’s light to come in. To recharge us, to show us our own inner greatness, and to live the Biblical maxim, that we are made in his image. By surrendering the individual will to the Supreme will, we are able to merge ourselves back in him and gain greater and greater joy and love, until only That remains.

Yes, I am trying to work towards unconditional love, and go beyond my own judgments, resentments, past, present, future, and perceptions. It’s a long journey, isn’t it? But it’s become more and more exciting, ever since the name of the Lord has been planted more and more in the heart within!

Many warm greetings from the Kumaon Himalayas and I pray that all is well in Canada and your family, and orbit!

Om Namah Shivaya. (Salutations to the Supreme)

Photo Credits: Ian Espinosa Mohamed Nohassi R D 134-3488_IMG by Enayut Rasul CC BY-SA 2.0, Juskteez Vu Jon Flobrant

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Joanna Lafleur: 21st century’s Aimee McPherson

admin — Sat, 10 Apr 2021 04:00:14 +0000

Joanna Lafleur has an undergrad in communication and business and a master’s in theological studies focusing on how to use digital communication tools for evangelism and discipleship. Over the last 15 years, she has spoken at churches, conferences, camps, and ministries in North America, Europe, and Asia. She also led the creative communication team at Sanctus, a multi-site church in Ajax. Joanne Lafleur also hosts a podcast for Creatives and Communicators called Word Made Digital and teaches the Bible on a nationally televised Christian talk show called “See Hear Love”, now in its 4th season. She is a proud aunt to 12 nieces and nephews, a board member with InterServe, a songwriter with C4 Worship, and an advisor to the Institute of Evangelism at Wycliffe College.

Joanne help me understand your role as a director of communications in a church setting?

I typically try to explain it by saying that I get to oversee everything you see and touch in our church at a church-wide level. What I mean by that is signage, images on screens, videos, banners, graphics, branding, printed promotional cards, magazines, interactive elements within a service like booklets or stickers, church-wide emails, social media, photography, etc. By no means do I do all this myself! We have a great team of staff, volunteers, and contractors that work together to get this done week in and week out. Generally, all this is being done under my conviction that the Church has the most important message in the world, so I’m trying to help us be the best communicators we can be of that message, in our ever-changing, highly digital culture.

Talk to me about your TV show, blog, and your podcast. What is the ultimate goal of these shows?

In general, wherever I’m communicating and over whatever medium, my prayer is that I actually help real people. On the TV show, my desire is to communicate the Bible and who Jesus is in a joyful, practical, and accessible way that might encourage viewers who are going through all kinds of struggles of their own and need the hope of Christ. In my writing, I’m trying to provide practical help for real communications problems that people working in churches wrestle through every day, often with much less resource than we have in a larger church. On the podcast, I’m trying to help creatives and communicators see their work differently while getting an inside look at some of the voices in the field that inspire them.

You are also a pastor in a role held by men since the beginning of time. Explain the highs, lows and the challenges of being taken seriously?

That’s a big question! We could spend a long time talking about this, so I want to, first of all, recognize that it’s a big topic, and full of lots of emotions and opinions for people. That said, generally, I don’t want to make gender a big thing in the spheres where I lead. I don’t label myself as a “woman leader” when I walk into a room. I am simply, a leader. I’m not sure I’ve ever had an issue with being “taken seriously”, because I try to walk in the confidence of my calling.

Whether man or woman, you are taken seriously by leading well. Getting an education. Backing up the talk with action. Increasing your emotional intelligence. Loving the people, you serve. Becoming better at what you do by being teachable. Living with integrity publicly and privately. That brings lots of challenges, but I’m not sure they are uniquely female.

I would say the particularly female challenge for many, and it was for me, was coming to terms theologically with what I understood was the calling of God on my life to lead. It wasn’t just should I go in this direction, but actually, is this in obedience and alignment with scripture? I don’t think men ask that question when stepping into leadership, and for me growing up with very few models of women in leadership, it was a wrestle initially to come to understand the amazing opportunities there are for women to lead or pastor. Now, I hope the generation coming up after me has many amazing examples of men and women to follow after as mentors and models of leadership.

You are like me, you grew up in a couple of different countries and like to travel. What has all those experiences taught you as a person?

The biggest thing for me, beyond a desperate desire to travel every month, is that there are lots of ways to do things, and just because something is different doesn’t make it wrong. There are many ways to get to a similar goal: making a meal, raising children, leading a country, worshipping Jesus… all can have a few approaches with pros and cons to them, and we are more the same than we are different as humanity. I hope it’s made me be a more open-minded person to new ideas, people, and foods.

In life, we all go through challenges. Give me an example of something you have been through and how you are dealing with it?

A current challenge I’m going through is learning to grieve well. I’ve experienced a lot of deaths in my family in the past year, and my father who has Parkinson’s and dementia has really taken a turn for the worse in 2019. It’s a strange thing to grieve someone who is still alive, yet each month we lose more and more of who we knew him to be, so it is prolonged grief. I’m learning that I’m stronger than I thought I was. I’m learning to be gentle to myself. I’m learning what it looks like to serve someone who once served me. I’m drinking lots of coffee, praying lots for endurance, and trying to keep a great sense of humour about it all.

As a Millennial what are some of the challenges your generation is facing?

The biggest one that comes to mind, is that a lot of experts talk about this as a “fatherless” generation. A lot of the struggles for identity, purpose, career and education pursuits, financial stability, and more seem to stem from so many people lacking a solid father figure to guide them and love them in a consistent way. This is not my own personal story, but absent or just unavailable dads is a major marker of this generation. It leaves an amazing opportunity in the church for men to rise up and disciple a few younger people around them, caring for them with the love and wisdom of a father.

I have known you for a decade. Any advice you would give to your younger self?

I’d probably tell her to treat everyone with more kindness than she thinks they deserve, including kindness towards herself. And to buy as much Toronto real estate as possible before the prices went nuts

Rapid Fire questions

Favorite restaurant in TO

Depends on the occasion, but I love “La Carnita” on John St for out of this world tacos. And a little Italian place in Leslieville called “Frankie’s” that changes its fresh pasta menu every week.

Favorite café

Boxcar Social. Best coffee in the city (IMO).

Steak with which wine

Steak- medium-rare. Wine- I’m not an expert. When out, I usually just do the house red or a Cabernet Sauvignon.

Favorite beer

Jelly King, from Bellwoods Brewery. It’s a local sour beer from Toronto.

Favorite author

C.S. Lewis. A brilliant mind, and a life-long influence on my understanding of God. From a childhood in Narnia, to adolescence in his apologetics, to a seminary student taking a course on his evangelism style, to an adult finding comfort in a Grief Observed.

Favorite city

Toronto! And then: Marseille France, Amsterdam Netherlands, San Diego USA, Istanbul Turkey.

Name of one famous you want to have a meal with?

Famous people don’t appeal to me much. I’d rather have dinner with current friends or my grandparents who died before I met them.

The post Joanna Lafleur: 21st century’s Aimee McPherson appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

From Success To Significance

admin — Sat, 20 Mar 2021 04:00:36 +0000

David Adams is the lead pastor, planning and implementation at Sanctus Church. David did his Undergrad in Commerce and Economics from the University of Toronto and has a Master of Theological Studies from the Tyndale Seminary. Being called into ministry after operating in the business world, Dave joined the Pastoral Lead Team in 2008. He is responsible for the implementation of everything that moves Sanctus towards a shared vision. Dave is a husband to his wife Jen and together they have four married kids and five grandchildren. When not in ministry, you can find Dave on the golf course or soccer fields, like a true Irishman.

A few years ago, Dave challenged me to move from success to significance. He made me think about what my legacy would be.

As Dave heads to become the Senior Pastor of StoneRidge Fellowship in Nova Scotia, I ask him about the importance of moving from success to significance.

Dave tell us a little about you?

I’ve been married to my best friend for over 37 years now and enjoy doing life with her more than anyone. We love to travel together, especially to East Africa. I’m a bit of a sports nut when it comes to being a weekend warrior. I love to play soccer with the young guys to show them that it’s still a thinking game. I try to play golf as much as I can and when I travel, I try to squeeze in a round. I have 4 great married kids and 3 grandkids who I adore. I should have started with the grandkids, they’re way more fun.

What made you decide to leave the corporate world?

I loved the corporate world. I got to spend some awesome years working with really talented, smart people. The experiences that I had in the corporate world have helped make me a better pastor. In 1993 I was quickly climbing the corporate ladder. I had just turned down a huge opportunity at one of Canada’s major banks but was involved in a small but fast-growing software development firm. In the middle of all that, while I was reading my Bible, something I did almost every day, I felt like God really spoke to me. Not audibly, but some of the verses I was reading seemed like they jumped off the page. I believed that Jesus was asking me to make a significant shift in my life, to follow him in ways I’d never fully done before. One of those ways was to dedicate my vocational life to helping others by becoming a pastor.

What does an executive pastor do?

Actually Gerry, my title is Lead Pastor. I started at Sanctus as the Executive Pastor or XP for short. At Sanctus we operate based on Prompting and Planning. We firmly believe that God “prompts” us as an organization to do some specific things beyond common faithfulness. Once we agree on what those promptings are, my job is to make it happen. I’m the planning side of prompting and planning.

How important are a strong governance structure and an amazing board?

Irreplaceable. Without a strong board, things get bogged down in personality struggles, conflicts, and bottlenecks. At Sanctus we have a great board and a great board process. From a high level, the board is mainly concerned with “Why” and “What” while the staff focus on “How”. I also need to say that we all work really hard at keeping relationships healthy at the board level. It’s critical that we know and care about each other.

Walk me through your journey in your faith and what have you learned along the way?

Oh my gosh, how many pages do you want me to write ha-ha? I was born into a family that had faith only by association with the Christian religion. We didn’t practice anything related to our so-called faith. When I was 11 or 12 and still living in Northern Ireland, I went to a junior high weekend retreat put on by some people who loved Jesus and junior high students. I went on that retreat and it changed my life. I remember hearing for the first time the good news of what Jesus did for me and the free gift of salvation offered by God for everyone. Since then life has been full of ups and downs, some really high and some clinically low. But my faith in Jesus has never wavered, he changed my life.

Men have a tough time from the mid-40s to mid-50s. You have come out with flying colors through it. Tell us some of the challenges and victories?

Great question. Most guys spend the vast majority of their time trying to be successful, whatever that means to them. For most its about money, sex, and power. What happens to a lot of guys who take the time to think, ponder, read and listen, is they start to make a shift from success to significance. They start thinking about legacy more than prosperity. They begin to value a relationship with the spouse, kids, grandkids, friends more than money. By the time you hit your 50’s you realize you’re more than half done your life and I think a lot of guys feel like their coming up short.

You take two weeks of your own vacation time and serve in Uganda. Tell us a little about it and why do you do it?

In 2007 my wife and I spent 4 months in East Africa that was life-changing. We fell in love with the place and the people. But as we hung out in church every week, we began to notice that there was a leadership void. Great people were trying the best they could but often they didn’t have the resources (money, education, skills, experience) to lead effectively. I knew we could do something about it. In addition, there are tons of kids who live on the streets because they’ve been orphaned by HIV/AIDS or they’ve been abused or a thousand other reasons. We knew we could do something about that too. But when we got to the point where we both felt we HAD to do something about it, we knew we were in for a wild ride. So, we looked for a great organization to partner with and found International Teams Canada and got involved in their Impact Uganda Program.

What is your favorite vegetable with a nice steak, fries and a glass of red wine?

Fries IS the vegetable with the steak. I have a great dislike, even hatred of veggies. I try to pull it off as a life-threatening allergy but most people just look at me funny.

Why is grace, redemption and forgiveness important in your faith?

Just think about the words. Grace, getting something that I never deserved. God’s unmerited favor to me. Redemption, I have been bought out of spiritual slavery at a great price. One that I could never have afforded but Jesus paid it on my behalf. Forgiveness, everything that I’ve ever done that falls short of God’s perfect, the holy standard has been forgiven. The penalty that should have been mine for falling so far short has been paid by Jesus. These things are so wonderful to think about and only attainable through faith in Jesus.

You are a husband, son, father and grandfather. Give some advice to us young men out there who are just beginning to navigate those roles?

We live in a child-centric culture. Make sure to always cultivate your relationship with your wife. Long after the kids are gone, even after a victory lap back at home again, there’ll just be you and her. Make sure you’re still friends and still in love. But that only happens if you stay connected throughout the journey. Second, don’t get sucked into consumerism. It can happen with stuff but it can also happen with relationships. Don’t like the one you have? Toss it/her in the garbage and get a newer model. That kind of thinking and that way of life only leads to heartache for you and a whole bunch of other people. Third, try to laugh every day. Ok well at least try to smile, it won’t kill you.

The post From Success To Significance appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom

admin — Fri, 05 Feb 2021 05:00:03 +0000

February is Black History Month.

I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country.

Zenovia, welcome to my series on Women With Wisdom. Please tell my audience something about you.

My name is Zenovia V. Shaw. I am a 56-year old woman who is passionate about life, family, and purpose. I live in Pickering, Ontario, and I have been married for 31 years. I am a mother and a grandmother. I became a Christian 27 years ago and have not looked back.
I am self-employed as an esthetician. I love people, travel, gardening, and hosting gatherings…I am what you call a total extrovert!

Why is black history month important?

I believe history is history (from all backgrounds/nationalities) and should be integrated throughout the whole year and taught to everyone; however, I am grateful for the opportunity to have February as black history month. There has been so much given to the world by black men and women, and their stories are not widely known by the majority of the population. Great contributions, inventions, and examples of upstanding citizens. Things I was never taught as a youth to help develop that great sense of pride in my heritage. So much of what I saw and heard in society or in the media about black people was portrayed in a negative way. Black history month provides an ‘open door’ for everyone to walk through to educate themselves in hopes of refreshing their views.

Let’s discuss marriage! Give my audience some advice on marriage, what to look for, the challenges, how to stick through the thick and thin?

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly! Take more time to focus on the marriage than the wedding. For the wedding, which lasts for a day, every detail is planned and rehearsed, but too often the preparation for the marriage, which is supposed to last a lifetime, does not get the same level of attention.

Focus on what commitment looks like for a healthy relationship. Have fun together, laugh, serve God and others together. It is absolutely fine to say “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me”. In the marriage relationship, mutual respect, trust, and consideration are paramount. When disagreements occur, fight ‘clean and fair’. Once words are spoken, they cannot be unspoken…words do hurt! Another boundary to never cross is physical harm.

Once children enter the equation, the relationship changes as you focus less on each other and take on the responsibility to raise the children. For us, life threw some curveballs our way, such as financial or health challenges, to test our mettle. These challenges have all happened in our marriage. My kidneys failed two years into our marriage. Having gone through the stages of dialysis and organ transplantation 18 years ago, I am still going strong with the support of my husband, family, and friends. It is only for the glory of God. We as a family hung on to God’s word, prayer, promises, love, grace, and purpose.

We agreed as a couple that there will be no back doors in our marriage if we hold on to these principles.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? What were some of the challenges and what did you learn?

What a great responsibility! I totally enjoyed every moment of raising our daughter and son, even though our daughter did not sleep through the night for the first 13 months of her life! It was very exhausting, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep 30 years later. However, with every stage of their lives (the joys, cuts, bruised knees, colds, chickenpox, hormones, mess-ups, victories, great achievements) I’ve learned to enjoy every minute and still continue to do so. I understood that God entrusted them to me to enjoy and to teach and train them to know Him.

Now being a grandmother, the emotions of love, adoration, are heightened. There are no words to describe what I feel for my grandchildren. All I know is I want them to know how much I love them, how much God loves them and desires them to have a life to the full.

Please give yourself advice when you were 14, 24, and 34 yrs old?

Age 14

Focus on school more and not be concerned about other people’s opinions of you. Don’t even think about boys!

Age 24

Ask my parents more questions about their lives and experiences. Tell them I love them more. Find more meaningful ways to express my love for them.

Give that real estate course another chance.

This is a good time to begin saving for retirement.

High five on choosing to date the man I am now married best friends with for 33 years.

Age 34

No one ever plans to suffer illness in life, but these things do happen. Face your challenge head-on knowing it is happening for a reason and your experience will not be wasted. You will be able to help others who will go through the same challenges.

I know faith is very important to you. Walk me through your own journey and what you are learning about it?

I believe full well that God put eternity on the hearts of man. Realizing at an early age that the void that I felt in my life was not being filled with…the job, money, things, seeking love and acceptance from man, starting my own family unit. I somehow knew God had to play a part in the true purpose of being.

I, therefore, embarked on my journey to find a deeper meaning for my existence. I tried church hopping, to see which denomination was a fit. I became envious of those who had a deep love for God. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t (or couldn’t) develop that type of relationship.

I always believed in the God of heaven but not until I stumbled upon a bible-teaching church did I get to know the character of God and truly who he is. Once I got to know God and his depth of love for me, my love for him began to grow. Life began to have genuine joy and purpose. I was happy due to my circumstances (marriage, kids, etc.), but now, I experience a joy that comes with confidence knowing who I am and what I have in Christ.

As humans, we were made to connect and be in relationships. However, with social media and modern life is making us more lonely. Give some advice as to how we can become a part of a community?

As humans, we were made to connect. That is how we were created. We are social beings and we weren’t meant to be alone.

Social media has given some of the shy types a voice and a presence to express themselves. It has given those who like to encourage others a platform to reach as many as possible with words of inspiration, pictures of the world around us, greetings, etc. On the dark side, it has been used to hurt and diminish others.

To become a part of a community, I think the key is to become more outward. Seek to make a difference in some small way. Focus on giving more than taking. Beware of the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality. I’ve found that these principles bring true joy and happiness.

Volunteering is a great way to become part of a community.

Serve your neighbors (help with snow removal, mow lawns, rake leaves) especially if they are elderly, widows, or special needs.
Visit seniors in nursing homes or retirement homes where loneliness is a real issue
Coach a team
Teach life skills at a local community center

Rapid-fire…

Favorite restaurant….Benihana Japanese restaurant

Favorite meal…stew chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, salad

Favorite movie…Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)

Famous person to have a meal with…President Obama

What would I ask:

Moses: How were you feeling emotionally/physically that brought you to the point of disobedience when you struck the rock when you were directed to speak to it?

Jonah: Why were you hesitant to go to Nineveh?

Paul: When you were struck with blindness on the road to Damascus, what were your thoughts and fears?

Mary: As you watched your son as a toddler, what was one thing he said or did that you stored up in your heart?

Sarah: How did you feel when you were presented as a sister and not a wife by Abram?

The post Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Life as a Pastor’s Wife

admin — Sat, 28 Nov 2020 15:42:34 +0000

The life of a pastor’s wife is not easy. There is this expectation that she has to be perfect, together, perfect family, perfect marriage, perfect children. Unrealistic expectations can freeze someone.

The next time you run into the wife of a pastor, minister, or evangelist, remember she is human, fragile, broken, and hurting. She knows she is being watched. She can also be lonely. Reach out to her and give her a big hug and just love her.

The role of the pastor’s wife has changed as time has passed. It is not about just playing the piano on Sundays or making sure the coffee meetings are taken care of. They are modern managers who have to multitask and meet the demands of the congregation. They are the quarterback of the team.

I catch up with Carrie Pankratz, who blogs about being the wife of a minister. She is real, vulnerable, and funny. This interview is a tribute to all the women all over the world who serve as the wives of a pastor, minister, or evangelist. My hats off to you.

Carrie, I have never interviewed a pastor’s wife. So, let’s get real and talk. I want to know something important about you?

Thank you so much for taking the time to get to know me.

Growing up, I had always wanted to be a wife and a mom. I got married just before I turned 27, which was pretty old in my circle of friends. Before I got married, I worked with children with disabilities, worked at a preschool, and served as a youth worker in my church. I loved pouring into the lives of others.

I have now been married for 17 years to my best friend, who happens to be a pastor. It’s funny that the qualities that made me fall in love with him are also the same qualities that sometimes make me frustrated now. He is the most selfless and generous person I know. When we were dating, friends would always come to him for help. He would drop everything to go work on someone’s car or help them move. That was extremely attractive to me. I love his servant’s heart. But now, in my selfishness, I am sometimes jealous of his time. I have my moments where I don’t want to share him.

He wasn’t planning on becoming a pastor. He was attending a very academic Seminary to get his Ph.D. and teach Christianity at a secular university. I thought I was going to be a professor’s wife. God changed his heart one day when a woman at a nursing home said these words to him. “If Christians knew how lonely we were, they would come to visit us more often,” That one sentence broke his heart and changed the direction of our life.

God calls us to care for the widow and the orphan. This woman was a widow, and she was also blind. God brought her into our lives to help us see. She reminded us of what is essential. That was when my husband knew that his calling was to be a pastor; to care for the poor, help the needy, and ultimately introduce people to Jesus.

In our first five years of marriage, he was an associate pastor at a pretty large church. There were not many expectations placed on me, which was good because I was trying to figure out how to be a wife. My parents divorced when I was ten, and I didn’t have a great example of what a healthy marriage looked like at the time. Both of my parents eventually remarried, but I wasn’t super receptive to the new relationships in my teenage years. In adulthood, I have come to treasure the relationships I have with my step-parents.

How has the role of the wife of a pastor changed over the years?

I became a Christian at twenty-one and had a wonderful pastor’s wife befriend me and mentor me. She is everything I imagined the stereotypical pastor’s wife should be. She was quiet, gentle, dressed very modestly, and involved in many church areas. I never heard her complain. She seemed like the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. I was pretty naive back then and am sure she would laugh at me describing her that way, but she was lovely. She seemed to have it all together. I think that used to be the expectation of a pastor’s wife, and to some extent, it still is. A pastor’s wife should have it all together in both their faith and in their family. I definitely don’t.

People have unrealistic expectations of the pastor and his wife. No pressure.. talk to me about that and how you deal with it?

Well, this is a tricky one. I have been very blessed to serve a congregation that allows me to be myself, yet I still feel the expectations I described above. Honestly, I think I may put them on myself.

I often feel like I do not measure up to the role of the pastor’s wife. I’m not a perfect wife or mother. The number of mistakes I make is laughable. I don’t always dress beautifully, nor do I play the piano. (I don’t know why, but I feel like pastor’s wives should be able to do that) If I could live in yoga pants, I would. Sometimes it takes everything to get me up and ready for church in jeans and a hoodie. I get frustrated with people and feel resentment at times. I am incredibly aware of my sinfulness. I would love to be that Proverbs 31 woman, but God is still working in me.

I sometimes struggle to find where I, Carrie, fit in the church since I spend so much time filling in gaps that need filling. My husband has an evident calling of pastor and teacher. My role continues to change. I think I have served in just about every ministry of the church. I do it because I want to help, and I love the people in this church like family. Sometimes, just like with family, this causes resentment when I feel like I’m doing all the work. Like Mary and Martha in the bible, I can fall into the trap of focusing on the serving and forgetting to sit at Jesus’ feet and enjoy Him. The minute I take my eyes off of Jesus and His plans for His church, I make myself miserable.

At times I have felt judged because I am not at every event or if my kids are running around the church. I have two extremely active and energetic boys who have grown up with our church as a second home. I have tried my best to help them love the time we spend there. When nobody is there, it turns into their playground. They are making great memories, but not everyone is okay with that. I am not a perfect mother.

It has helped that I have friends who are also the pastor’s wives and feel the same. These are women that I adore and are there for me. They are not perfect either, but they are there for support and encouragement. I want to be that for others as well. Any pastor’s wives out there who may be struggling, please reach out. I’d love to encourage you.

How has motherhood and marriage changed you? I mean you are married to the perfect guy…

Marriage has changed me in so many ways. It has helped me realize how selfish and scheduled I was. It’s funny. I thought I was really easy going and flexible. It turns out that I was only that way when I was in complete control over what I was doing. Throw another person in the mix and I’m a mess. Marriage also helped me understand a different kind of love. My husband knows me better than any other human at this point. He sees me at my best and at my worst. It is in those moments of my worst when he shows me grace after I’ve been a complete jerk, that I truly understand love. It feels safe. It’s a much smaller version of what we see in God’s love, only God knows the ugliness of my heart and still loves and accepts me. I also feel like I am better with him. He pushes me to become the best version of myself… just by how he lives his life. He’s not perfect, but he really is perfect for me. I feel blessed to be on this journey with him for sure.

Motherhood has probably brought about the most change. The amount of love that you can have in your heart for your children is pretty overwhelming. My momma bear comes out easily if anyone has hurt them or I think there is a chance that someone could. Watch out! lol

Parenting is all a big learning process filled with mistakes. I have had to apologize so many times since becoming a mom. I also have an entirely new and deeper understanding of God’s grace. No matter what my kids do, I will always love them. I want what is best for them regardless of whether or not they deserve it. I am willing to give up more for them than I ever imagined I would. If an imperfect person like me can love and forgive that much, imagine a perfect God.

I also found parenting to be more difficult than I envisioned. As someone who wanted to be a wife and mom for as long as I can remember, I struggled a lot. Especially in the baby and toddler phase. I didn’t enjoy every moment, and then I felt guilty about that. I was supposed to be really good at this. I was an infant-toddler teacher before I had kids, but parenting was so much harder. Sleep deprivation and completely losing my identity really had an effect on me. I may even have had some depression as I look back. I wish I would have talked to my doctor about it. I do, however, love the stage that we are in now. I fear that it is going to go by too fast… unlike the toddler phase that felt like it took forever!

I like your article on the difference between cliques and close friendships. Talk a little more about that?

One thing I really struggle with as a pastor’s wife is finding people I can trust and be “not okay” around. That kind of friendship takes time. I have a couple of those friends in my life right now. I also have a small group at church that I am involved in. We meet for bible study, share our struggles, and pray for each other. They check on me and hold me accountable. I think everyone needs those types of people. We can’t be best friends with everyone we meet. Sometimes people see groups of friends who have known each other for a while and call them cliques. I don’t believe they are. Cliques are groups of people who don’t let other people in. Those are not okay in the church. We want everyone to feel loved and included. I think there is a time, though, for meeting with only people you feel safe with. We all need to find a group like that.

We were born and meant to connect. I like how you differentiate between extroverts and introverts. How does that look like in a church setting?

The main difference between extroverts and introverts is that extroverts get energy from being around others while introverts recharge alone. When it comes to church, this is something I am still trying to figure out. I am an outgoing introvert. I need my downtime, or I start to go crazy, yet to others, I appear to be an extrovert. I like people, but sometimes get awkward in groups. I am much more comfortable in an intimate setting with just one or two people. Sometimes at church, the shy introverts can get missed because they don’t feel comfortable showing up to a women’s group or even reaching out when they have needs. Hanging out in big groups all the time is exhausting. I think it is important for people in the church to invite others into their homes. To get to know them in a smaller, more personal sort of setting. Some of my favorite people seem to be much different than me at first, but when I take the time to get to know them in this way, outside of a big group, I find that we have very much in common.

Walk me through the city you live in, the people, the culture, the food, and the restaurants?

I live in a suburb north of Salt Lake City in Utah. Most of the people who live here are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Some would call them Mormon, but that is no longer a preferred term by members). It is a lovely, family-friendly place to live. Our neighbors are wonderful. Coming from Southern California, it is a completely different culture. I appreciate the small-town feel, yet it is very close to the city which is filled with fun restaurants and culture. I love it here. Even though we are not part of the predominant religion, we have, for the most part, been accepted by others.

How do you manage finances on a minister’s salary?

We have always lived pretty frugally. Although we are not “rolling in dough”, we have always had enough. In times of need, everything was provided by the generosity of others. Honestly, I feel that we have been greatly blessed. We lived on one income for many years and were able to get out of debt except for our mortgage. Our cars are old, but they are paid off and get us where we need to go. When I started working, we put a good portion of that into savings. Going back to work has provided some much-needed vacations for our family. I had no idea how much we needed that time until we experienced it.

I am sure it is tough to maintain boundaries and have ‘time’ for self-care. Walk me through your process?

This is a constant struggle for me and I need to be better. I love to read my Bible in the morning and listen to podcasts on my drive to work. This doesn’t happen every day, but it is happening more regularly than it did while I was teaching. Recently I started a “time budget” to try my best to devote time to the things that are important to me. I have become very protective of our family time because my husband has a job where unpredictable things happen. Many family dinners are interrupted by emergency phone calls. He will leave to counsel someone or head out to a hospital to pray. I don’t get mad about those things because it is why we are doing what we are doing. But, it can be frustrating.

Spending more time with my kids and husband since I quit teaching has actually been the best self-care for me. I feel like myself again and am doing what I love. Friday nights are our family nights where we eat pizza and watch a movie together. It is a tradition that my kids love, and it is easy for us since we are usually pretty tired by Friday night. Other than that, my self-care has been pretty non-existent since the pandemic started.

Before COVID, my husband and I participated in an exercise boot camp together every morning, but we stopped in March and haven’t resumed again due to the cost. I am really feeling the impact it is having on my physical and mental health. My day is better when I begin with a workout. It is also something that my husband and I were doing together. I love that. He makes things more fun. We would laugh a lot and make up our own silly exercises.

One new thing that feels like self-care, but I’m not sure if it counts, is writing my blog. For the first time in years, I have an outlet for my thoughts. I love it and it is really filling me. I just need to make sure I don’t let it take away from my family. Our time is so limited.

I want some practical advice on how we can use peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, hospitality, charity, unconditional love, and forgiveness in our lives?

I have always been a rule follower. So, for me, religion made sense. I could follow the rules and then God would give me what I deserved. I thought I was a really good person because I was a “good deed doer” The problem was that I would look down on others who didn’t fit my perception of “good”. I viewed peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, hospitality, charity, unconditional love, and forgiveness as more things I needed to do to check off the list. I did good things, but in my heart, I thought I was better than everyone else and I felt like God owed me something.

It wasn’t until I started to realize how ugly my heart actually was that I actually became a Christian and began to exhibit those qualities in my life. Once I realized how much I needed those things to be shown to me and then understood that Jesus gives me all of that… even when I don’t deserve it. He shows me compassion when I am at my worst. He forgave me even when I turned away from Him. He shows me kindness when I am kicking and screaming like a toddler. Wow. That was huge for me. It broke me, but it the best way possible. Then… those things naturally started to flow out of me to others.

I think the way we practically use these things in our lives is to recognize that we are not perfect. It’s much easier to love others when we are filled with God’s love. We can choose to see others the way God sees them, and love them accordingly.

Finally, if I come to your church can I invite myself for a nice meal at your home or at any member’s home?

I would love to have you and your family over to my home for a meal! It might be a rotisserie chicken from Costco turned into street tacos, but I would love to get to know you more. That is the important part. And while I can’t speak for everyone in my church, the people that God has allowed my husband and me to serve here in Utah are some of the most loving, generous, and accepting people I have ever met. I know that you would be welcomed with open arms, offered a place for your family to stay, and a delicious meal. Probably much better than the meal you will receive at my house. lol.

The post Life as a Pastor’s Wife appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Practical Faith

admin — Fri, 03 Jul 2020 17:44:05 +0000

Welcome to my series on practical faith. We eat food daily, so we understand food. We have a brother, sister, mother, father, son, or daughter, so we comprehend family. We use money daily, so we know its power. But faith… What is it? For some people, it could be Jesus, Chris Tomlin, Louis Hay, David Crowder, John Demartini, or Esther Hicks. For others, it could be a get-rich scheme, the secret to success, or a method to manifest abundance.

Over the last 18 months, I have interviewed people from the Hindu, Parsi, Sikh, Mindfulness, Living Arts, Sahaja Yoga, and various denominations of Christianity.

I want to delve into the practical aspects of having faith. Debbie has been fighting cancer for the last seven months. Karen drove in the worst storm, gave up her shift to drive Debbie to her surgery, and stayed with her the whole day. Alison drove 40 minutes to pick Debbie from the hospital. Karen and Alison do not follow any faith. However, the community has rallied around us. Over the last three months, Carolyn created a meal train for us; people are giving us gift certificates, someone is paying for my fence to be repaired, and so on. These people are putting their faith into practice.

Lori Beth runs a faith-based blog to encourage your daily life. She covers diverse topics concerning her faith. I ask her real, deep questions as to how faith can be put to practice, God’s power, building faith, and feelings are not facts.

Lori, please talk to me about what faith is. I find faith is easy to preach, even easier to write and read about. Living it day in and day out and practicing peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity, forgiveness, compassion, and serving others. That is when the rubber hits the road. Please comment?

Faith means having a belief in something that you cannot necessarily see at the moment. The Bible says that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.

Faith is easy to preach and write about. The real test comes in living it out. I think when someone truly yields their life to God and relies on the Holy Spirit, it makes living this out possible. I consider myself to be someone who has a strong faith in God, yet this does not mean I am perfect. I have my days where I feel I’m on a mountaintop, obeying God, serving others, and showing love. But then there are days I find myself getting impatient, acting in the flesh, disobeying God’s instructions, etc. And I believe this is just part of being human and battling with the sinful nature. When these things happen, I am convicted to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness and lean on God’s help to overcome. I think having faith in God is what keeps me going and it helps me- to not give up on God, and not give up on myself. It is possible to live a life of victory in faith when you consistently go to your source (God) no matter what. For example, if I have to forgive someone who hurt me deeply, I cannot do this on my own strength. But when I go to God and say “Lord, help me see this person how you see them. Help me to let this go and cast this onto you. I cannot handle this but you can,” there is a power in doing that and then I am able to show forgiveness. This does not mean it is easy. This does not mean it is instant either. But it means it is possible. I have to rely on God and my faith in Him more than relying on my own feelings.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Faith does not always protect us. Talk to me about this statement because sometimes we get confused?

Bad things happen to everyone no matter what. Because we live in a broken world, even Christians will face hardships and suffering.

I think it’s important to know that as Christians, sometimes a lot of bad happens to us because we are being attacked by the enemy. God can certainly deliver us from these attacks and/or show us how to overcome the attacks and fight through them. What I love is the phrase “You take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good”. We see Joseph say this in the book of Genesis.

It is important to understand as I stated before that a lot of bad happens due to living in a broken world. When Adam and Eve sinned, sin entered the earth. This left us all open and vulnerable to an imperfect place to live in. So we are not immune to sickness and pain. Bad happens as well because sometimes God is testing our faith. If we never faced hardships, our faith would not grow. We would have no reason to cling to God and focus on him if we lived in perfect earth. I think a lot of times we face tribulations because God wants to humble us, prune us/ cleanse us, and mature us.

What is the difference between North American Christianity and individualism and the real Christianity of embracing suffering, being humble, and turning the other cheek?

Sometimes North American Christianity can be very self-focused. We may not say it aloud, but sometimes we act and believe as if God was the one created in order to make us happy. We like being comfortable and in control of our lives. We often forget that we are the creation. We exist for Him, not the other way around. We exist to worship Him, have fellowship with Him, and glorify Him with our lives. Sometimes that includes a lot of suffering. We can’t think suffering is a terrible thing, because truthfully suffering is what purifies us and draws us closer to God than ever before. To endure suffering for God is something that is honorable. I think North American Christianity gets mad at God for allowing suffering. While real Christianity understands that this world is not our home, so we will have to endure a lot of pain on this earth. The solution is not to run from it but find God in the midst of it. He is very present in our pain. The Christians in the book of Acts endured countless amounts of suffering, especially Paul. He was beaten, flogged, jailed, ridiculed, and killed. This was a man who loved God more than anything and look at what he had to endure. The disciples who walked with Jesus on this earth were also killed for their faith. But they were able to spread the gospel message and that is what mattered. Sometimes we as Christians can be very worldly in our thinking patterns and in what we expect from God. But when we decide to truly study the Scriptures, our minds can be renewed and we can be set free as we find what it truly means to be a Christian.

The older I get I realize I need to become intentional to have health, friendships, relationships, and everything else. The old adage just pray about it, trust, and read your bible does not cut it anymore. Help me understand this better?

Praying about situations, reading the Bible, and trusting God are the first steps to anything important. These are the foundations of the faith. In order to have health, praying about it is a place to start. Then, you take action. This could mean exercise, cutting things out of your regular diet, being disciplined to say no to sugar, etc.

The same goes for friendships and relationships. I pray a lot about those things. The Word shows us how to be a good friend and how to truly show love in our relationships. Then putting our faith and what we have learned in the Word into action is important. It’s not enough to just know the right thing, it’s about putting it into practice. I have prayed a lot about purposeful friendships. I find that God always brings someone into my life when I pray for it to happen. Now, this does not mean I sit at home and a new friend just comes to my door of course. It means maybe I seek someone out at church, I join a new small group or ministry, or volunteer somewhere and start seeking out friends. So the action steps are important but praying that God leads is always the right place to start.

Instagram is the land of selfies and the likes. Is that good for us? Should we really judge our worth with likes?

Instagram can be very damaging if we are not careful about guarding our hearts against pride. I think sometimes we incorrectly believe we are somehow more important when people pay attention to us on social media. If we struggle with insecurity, we may be using those likes as fake validation. When really, it’s a silly thing to do. Our worth is not found in likes, but it’s found in Jesus Christ. Jesus died and shed His blood for each one of us. He sees us as worthy. His thoughts of us need to matter more than anyone else’s. His approval is what matters, not the approval of man. So I would say it’s kind of dangerous to judge our worth in social media. Social media can never deliver us from insecurity, only a relationship with Jesus and knowing our true identity can do that.

I love your article concerning the single woman. Talk about your own experience through that whole process?

Although I am currently married (just a few months in, I’m a newlywed), being single was one of the things that I struggled with a lot. I write about it in hopes to encourage others with my story.

When I was single, I had a season where I was content with that. I became very close to God and learned how to love Him above all things. I allowed Him to fill my voids, just by prayer, spending time in worship, and focusing on Him. There was a point where I truly did not want to date anyone because all I wanted was more of God and I did not want any distractions.

Then eventually, that faded as I got really caught up in my feelings. I got caught up in looking at everyone else’s lives. I especially got caught up at my age. People would ask me why I wasn’t married yet and that began to bother me. I felt pressure from those around me, and I also started to feel lonely and began to dwell on that loneliness. So I started compromising, lowering my standards and started dating just because I did not want to be alone anymore. I did not try to necessarily date Christian men, but men who seemed decent and would give me attention. After a few breakups, I found myself very broken. I realized I was forcing relationships out of loneliness. None of the men I dated were truly anything that I knew God wanted for me. I had always envisioned myself with a strong man of God, with someone who could lead me, pray with me, and seek the Lord with me. I dated men who weren’t sure if they even believed in God and some that did but just did not seem to fit well with me.

Eventually, I had to lay down those relationships. I felt very rejected during this time and I had to come to the conclusion none of them could truly give me the love my heart needed. I was very desperate for a man more than God, and that mentality had to change.

I started to do a few things to change. I fasted and prayed. I joined a group of young women my age in a bible study and we met weekly, discussing topics that were important to us and strengthened our faith. I got a life coach who walked me through the reasoning behind my decisions. She encouraged me to wait on a godly man and not lower my standards. I resolved that the next man I would give a chance to would have to meet those standards of being a strong believer and that I could truly see a future with him.

At this point, I was 30 years old. I was seeking a lot of new things in my life, such as a new job and a new location. I was praying and fasting for God to open those doors. I also began to pray and fast specifically for a godly husband. That year, God opened the door for me to move, get a new job, and eventually meet a great godly man in my new location who would become my husband. I love my husband and one of the best things about Him is his strong faith in God. He pushes me closer to God and does not try to take God’s place in my life. That is exactly what I wanted. So, I’m very glad I did not settle many years ago out of loneliness and out of the pressure from others to hurry up and be with someone. It takes a strong person to hold up their standards and not lower them.

I am really a loyal person and sometimes wanted my friends from kindergarten to still be close. However, some relationships are there for a reason and for a season so no use chasing those relationships. What is your opinion on that?

It’s hard to accept that some friends really only come for a season. When we move to another area, another church, another job, we make new friends and it can be hard to keep in touch with old ones. That does not mean it’s impossible of course, I still have friends in different locations. But when you reach out to someone and they don’t respond, or it seems you are just drifting away and keeping in touch seems more forced than something natural, it might be a sign it was a seasonal friendship. And it’s okay to accept that and move on. It’s not a good idea to chase people unless the Holy Spirit is putting on your heart that you really need to remain connected to that person. This is possible. Sometimes hurdles present themselves but if God is putting in your heart that you should not cut that connection then you should listen.

You are one of the few female bloggers that have written about sexual purity. It has always been part of the male domain. Talk about the harm that kind of lifestyle can lead us?

There is a lot of harm that comes from sexual sin. I think one of the most important truths to recognize is that if you are in sexual sin, this hinders your intimacy with God. It’s very hard to be close to God if you are living that lifestyle because you are compromising by disobeying His Word. You are sinning against your own body and not valuing yourself. God’s will is that we all draw near to him, be satisfied with him, and live an abundant life of victory. But when you are in sexual sin, you are very distracted. I’ve heard the phrase, “How can you cast out a demon you are sleeping with?” And I believe that is a powerful statement. As Christians, we have to be focused on doing the will of God for our lives and having a close relationship with God. Our vision can become clouded when we are in sexual sin. This sin can keep us bound to people who God never intended to be in our lives. It also causes a lot of emotional pain. Women, in particular, become very clingy to men they are sexual with. Then when that man breaks their heart, they are left with so much pain that is hard to overcome. Sex bonds you to a person through the hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is released during sex. Because of this, it is not easy to forget someone you are with. Then in the future, you might bring all that baggage into a marriage. Also, women are usually longing for security in a relationship and think that if they have sex with the man maybe he will stay around forever. But if we give ourselves away so easily, and that man has no reason to stay committed, he can use you and move on while you are left chasing him. I have experienced the pain of sexual sin in the sense that I felt a lot of guilt, shame, and I felt a wall in my relationship with God. It took me many years to overcome it and finally feel strong again. The most damaging effect it had on me was the wedge it created between me and the Lord, and it stunted my growth. This left me feeling very broken. So I talk about sexual purity because this is an issue that must be spoken about among women. We can avoid a lot of pain and brokenness when we save ourselves and resolve to live a life of purity. It is possible with God’s help and leaning on Him.

I truly believe more harm has been done in this world through insecurity. You talk a lot about it. Walk me through that maze of insecurity?

Oh yes, insecurity is one of the most damaging things that humans deal with. I think it’s very common. I have dealt with many insecurities stemming from childhood. I had thoughts that told me I was less than others, that I was ugly, and I was not worth much. Some of it derived from growing up in a home with a lot of conflicts. Some of it came from constant comparison towards those around me. I believe the devil has tried to use that against me to kill my confidence. He does this to many others as well. When we are insecure, we are constantly unsure of ourselves. We are not firm in our decisions, we have a hard time speaking up about things, and have difficulty connecting with others. It can keep us from doing the will of God in our lives. If we feel we aren’t good enough for a certain position or ministry, that is stemming from a place of insecurity. Many people know they are gifted but are afraid to use their gifts because of insecurity. Insecurity can also keep a girl in a bad relationship and chasing boys that are no good because she does not know her worth. In one season of my life, I was that girl. God helped me overcome insecurity by going to a retreat when I was younger. I also learned to speak the Word of God aloud and believe it. At one point in my life, I decided to fast, pray, and read books about my identity in Christ and godly confidence.

God showed me where my insecurity was coming from and I had to deal with some past painful experiences. I would not say “I have arrived”, but the battle is not as intense as before. I stay in freedom by remembering the Word and prayer and casting down thoughts that don’t agree with God’s Word. God has taken me a long way. I have learned my worth is in Him and I definitely feel more secure in myself as an adult.

Prayer and being silent have been practiced since the beginning of time. Talk to me about the advantages and how it helps us?

Prayer is so powerful. When we just sit with God in his presence, He is able to speak to us and shows us things. When we get quiet with Him, we are able to deal with things in our hearts that He can reveal to us. We are able to find the true peace and healing that we need. Whenever I am stressed, I recharge by having alone time with God in my room. I put on worship music, I talk to him, then just sit and listen. I find myself always feeling stronger and more focused after I do this. I try to make this a more regular habit. I think for any Christian, prayer is like your oxygen. And alone time with God is necessary. If we don’t do it, we will certainly feel negative effects in our attitudes and our minds.

We may never have all the answers. I am ok with it. Instead of why me I say what now. Walk me through this statement?

To get away from saying “Why me” and saying “What now”, is a really good thing to do. When we are stuck on “Why me?” we can get stuck in self-pity and bitterness. It can lead us to get angry with God and feel like our circumstances are unfair. But truthfully sometimes we will never know why some painful things happen to us. We have to make that decision to trust in God and ask Him how to get through it and move forward. God will always use our pain for good when we trust Him with it. God is faithful to work things out in our lives no matter how bad it looks like in the present moment. When we can release our “Why me?” to God, and instead ask God “What now?” this gives God the liberty to steer us in the right direction. God may be wanting to show you how to overcome the pain so that you can comfort others who are in the same pain. It’s often where you feel the most broken that you are able to minister to others. It’s often when you are going through the fire that God is molding you and making you more mature. It’s one thing to say we have faith, it’s another to hold onto that faith no matter what happens in our lives. I think God is pleased when we choose to trust Him no matter what.

I’ve heard a story of a young wife who became a widow when her husband died unexpectedly. She now leads a ministry serving other young widows and telling them about how Jesus helps her with the pain. I heard a story of a young man whose wife died, and at first, he was broken. Of course, I am sure it still hurts. But God told him to use his energy to start a homeless ministry and he was able to bless those people in many ways. You just never know who you can help out of your brokenness, but have to trust God has a plan.

The post Practical Faith appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

To err is human, to forgive, divine

admin — Thu, 21 May 2020 10:31:58 +0000

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong – Mahatma Gandhi

To err is human, to forgive, divine – Alexander Pope

Romance to ruin

It was my tenth wedding anniversary. I was excited to have made it this far.

As we celebrate in a fine dining restaurant on the Mayan Riviera, I ask Debbie how we are doing as a couple. I love asking Debbie this question. You see, in the last decade, she had never criticized me. On the other hand, if I ask my daughter how I am doing as a father, I always get a list of things I need to work on.

I am excited. Debbie will tell me that I have been sensitive, gentle, romantic and will thank me for bringing us to this amazing resort. The ego is waiting to be fed.

‘Jerry, I have to be honest with you about something. The first is that you are a lousy sleeper. The second is that every time we hang around certain people, you are not the same person for a week.

‘Wow! Wow! Wow! Hold on a minute…what do you mean I am a lousy sleeper?’

‘Well, it takes you an hour for you to go to sleep. You are always twisting and turning. And even when you sleep it feels like you are fighting someone’.

‘OK, OK, I get it. What about the second comment?’

Debbie names a few people.

Walk on the beach

In life, have you ever felt like someone has put a knife inside you? How about when they turn it and sprinkle salt and vinegar on the wound? That is how I was feeling.

After dinner, I took a long walk on the beach.

As the waves were fighting the gravitational pull of the earth and the moon, I was fighting what Debbie just told me.

However, it did explain something. All my life I have always felt tired. I have never pulled an all-nighter in my whole life. Debbie was so true about some of the names she mentioned.

I had to do something about it.

Around this same time, 7 men involved in my wedding got divorced. We also had a reunion from St. Andrews in New York and a classmate who lives less than an hour’s drive never showed up. After two years of planning, a university reunion did not occur because people could not decide which hotel to stay at.

Face to face with forgiveness

Keep in mind, that hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain they have some unresolved issues. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily – Joel Osteen

I am in Dr. Lin’s office. I told her about the talk I had with my wife. She asks me a few questions about my past. After an hour, we come to a mutual decision that I need help. I made a request about what kind of shrink I want (the control freak in me).

My first appointment with Coleen resulted in me talking about how many friends I had. She tells me that if anyone has more real friends than their fingers, there is an issue there. I learned not to try to impress her anymore.

It was a long, painful, difficult process. For the first three years, I came monthly.

We talked about unconditional love, abandonment, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, dealing with issues, taking people where they are at, being broken, and forgiveness.

Dealing with the reality

I am a perfectionist, have unrealistic expectations of people, am prideful, impatient, ungrateful, co-dependent on people, and am looking for love in all the wrong places and wrong people.

I was driving my wife nuts. She would clean the whole home, and mow the lawn, Jean was in bed, and dinner was waiting for me. But I had to pinpoint that one piece of stain on the hardwood.

I had unrealistic expectations from my friends that they had to be as loyal as I was to them.

I was arrogant that I was working on Bay Street.

I was driving myself crazy that I had not made it to Vice President at 35.

I graduated from one of the best high schools on the planet. I got honors from the best hotel school in the world. I do not smoke, drink or do drugs. Porn, that is for losers who do not get the real stuff. Me broken, never. I had to come in touch with me being broken.

I had to come in touch with my own criticism and negativity, deep-rooted from my own insecurities.

I had a bad temper and was impatient.

I could not spell being grateful and forgiving.

I had kept a record of wrongs for a long time.

I did not have boundaries in my life.

As I continued to talk, email, and write letters to those who hurt me, it was like a whole burden had come off.

I was sleeping better, happier, and became a better husband and father.

What is forgiveness

Forgiveness is the willful and purposed process by which a victim undergoes a radical change in emotions, awareness, and perspective towards an offense and does not believe in being vengeful or wants compensation from the offender and wishes the offender well.

Forgiveness does not mean we condone, excuse, forget, pardon (legal), or seek reconciliation from the offender.

Research has shown that forgiving other people is better for your health.

Am I perfect today? No. I still struggle with many issues and am more aware of them. I make fun of my perfectionism. If someone is rude or cuts me on the highway, I try not to take it personally.

I promise you I am not the same person that I was five years ago.

I warn you not everyone will be happy with this new you. You will gain and lose some relationships. Not everyone is comfortable with change.

As you read this article, please call someone who has hurt you or you have hurt. Forgive the other person. Trust me you will come out ahead. Write to me about how this process has helped you.

The post To err is human, to forgive, divine appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

What is the Catholic Church?

admin — Wed, 13 May 2020 14:31:43 +0000

Amanda Griesbaum is the creator of Following Isidore, where she writes about the Catholic faith, rural life, and recipes from her grannie. She believes the best way to live out God’s two greatest commandments: Love Him and Love your Neighbor, is to learn, practice, and share your faith and do it all with good food! She has not had a neighbor turn away brownies or good conversation.

She was born and raised in Buckeye, making a home in the Show-Me-State. She moved from one Midwest state, Ohio, to another, Missouri, where her husband is originally from. She has three kids, two cats, two dogs, and whatever creatures she happens to acquire. Amanda and her husband are starting their own branch of the family farm while they both teach high school. He is a former Science teacher turned Ag teacher, and she is a former Ag teacher turned Science teacher.

I am fascinated by faith. I have interviewed people from the Hindu, Sikh, Parsi, and Evangelical Christian faiths. The Catholic faith has a special place in my heart. I love cathedrals, art, literature, and baroque architecture, and the Catholic faith is intertwined with my passion. I sit down for a chat with Amanda. In the first part of the interview, we talk about living out the Catholic faith and what that entails, the beliefs, rituals, and dogmas of the Catholic faith, life as a farmer, marriage, and motherhood.

Amanda, I consider it an honor and privilege to interview you. Help me understand what is living out the Catholic faith in rural life means?

As my Rural Sociology professor would say in class, ‘If we recognize that there is a Rural culture, we must recognize that there is an Urban culture.’

And God does the same thing – technically He did it first…

Even Though the Catholic Church is universal in its readings, practices, teachings, etc. (I can attend mass at my home parish, out of state, or abroad, and know what I will be hearing and how to participate.) God still meets us where we are and uses our communities and experiences to teach us and bring us closer to Him.

That to me is beautiful.

In a rural community that may look like having a home canned-goods exchange, blessing of fields, prayers for rain, bonfire get-togethers, talking about hunting and fishing with your Deacons, and introducing your priest to the county fair.

I love it when a new priest arrives at our parish and we get to introduce him to our community!

For someone who has never seen an eight-year-old show a 1200 lbs steer, it’s a bit of a shock. Yet, it demonstrates very clearly the expectation God gave us to have dominion over and care for His creatures. Not to mention the determination and power of a child.

All of these things are where we can share and experience God in a way we understand.

As someone who has lived in rural communities all of her life, we are very close to the cycles of the Earth: its seasons, the cycle of birth and death, sensitivity to the weather, and our reliance on it. We are accustomed to the joys and frustrations of caring for those creatures and land.

We are people of faith and hope.

I use the terms ‘faith’ and ‘hope’ quite a bit. I should probably explain what I mean by those two words. To me they are actionable.

When life becomes difficult you maintain your faith and act in hope. You continue to go to church and pray even when it feels impossible. You still get up every morning and take care of your animals even when the market has bottomed out. You continue to plant year after year not knowing if the weather will be in your favor for the season.

You keep doing because your faith and hope drive you to live your purpose and trust God. You don’t just sit and wait for things to improve because you might be part of God’s plan to make it better for yourself or others. You continue to say ‘Yes’ and take action.

And while country life may seem slow-paced and full of sunsets – and in some ways, it is – it is a life of action, just not in the same way as our Urban counterparts.

We may not be rushing to work just to get stuck in traffic. But I can bet you that farmer in the tractor is moving as fast as he can to get to the next field.

Walk me through the Catholic faith. The beliefs, rituals, dogmas, and how it has helped you?

I wish I had a degree in theology right now! Since I don’t, here are the big ones as far as beliefs/rituals/etc.

The Catholic faith is centered around the Eucharist, the true presence of Christ in the Host (bread) as the Son of God and the Messiah. It is a miracle and a mystery we get to experience every time we attend Mass. It is why we go to Mass – A good homily (sermon) and music are a bonus. We need Jesus with us and in us.

We believe Jesus was conceived in the Virgin Mary by the Holy Spirit. We have a deep love and devotion to Mary because of her ‘Yes’ to God’s will. We see her as being the perfect example of how to love and serve God.

Because we believe in Christ’s death and resurrection, we accept the need to die to ourselves to make room for God’s will. We can do this through the Sacraments of Baptism, Marriage, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders, Communion/Eucharist, and Confirmation. Each of these is a way for us to serve others instead of ourselves. They allow us to be humble and receive the grace of having a deeper formation in the faith through living the life that God intended.

If I could, I would just put the Apostles Creed in here.

The Catholic faith is both a practice of hope and of intellect which is why I love it so much. I rely on my hope of achieving heaven to cause me to learn and act in a way that will help me realize it. It is not a ‘resting’ faith. It is very much a faith of action in devotion, service, and education.

Before my husband and I joined the Church at Easter of 2017, I had always had a love of Jesus (raised Protestant). I also had a curiosity about what else there was to Christianity passed baptism as a ‘ticket’ to heaven. There had to be more.

The Catholic faith encourages learning and curiosity. It feeds my soul and my desire for knowledge without feeling like I am betraying my beliefs. Rather, I find, the more I learn and question, the more my faith and security in Christ and the Church are strengthened.

One very particular practice that I have adopted since joining the Church is attending Adoration. A time that I sit with Jesus where the Host is exposed and is never left alone. We don’t need a repeat of the Garden of Gethsemane.

So I sit and stay awake with Him during my 2 AM weekly date night. (How cool is that? I get to have regular date-nights with Jesus!)

I can feel Him sit with me. And sometimes that is all I do, just sit with Him. More often than not I will journal. It may be about a struggle I am having, something I am grateful for, or just something I want an answer to. I will write and pray. Turns out the Holy Spirit likes to communicate with me through writing, gets me out of my head.

After I write, then I read Scripture. And it has never failed to show me what I need for that night.

And I don’t plan out what I will read, I just close my eyes and open my Bible. It is a beautiful experience and one that I am missing terribly since Covid-19 began and the chapel closed.

Being near Jesus in the Eucharist is only part of being in Communion with Him.

I am continuing to develop my relationship with Him so when I can sit with Jesus again, I will know Him better.

I admire farmers. It is because of their hard work, dedication, and creativity that I get food on the table. Talk to me a little bit about life as a farmer?

Beautiful and tragic.

The ‘FFA Creed’ says it best:

‘I believe that to live and work on a good farm, or to engaged in other agricultural pursuits, is pleasant as well as challenging; for I know the joys and discomforts of agricultural life, and hold an inborn fondness for those associations which, even in hours of discouragement, I cannot deny.’

My husband and I memorized these words when we were in high school as members of the National FFA Organization. Today, as current/former FFA Advisors, these words still hold a place in our hearts. We believe in the tradition of farming and the future possibilities the agricultural industry holds.

We both have that inborn fondness for agriculture. Our parents and grandparents instilled them in us just as theirs did for them.

We have experienced great joy in being part of the ag industry. It gave us our first jobs, created community, and provided us with our purpose: To secure America’s future in agriculture by educating the next generation. This also includes beginning our own branch of the family farm and making it sustainable for our children.

It has also caused us the greatest pain. Jeremy’s father was killed in a tractor rollover accident in the pasture beside our house. We struggle with the loss of him every day. He was the one we were supposed to expand the farm with. He was the one who was supposed to teach us everything. He was supposed to be the one to watch our children grow and be there for them as they learn how to care for the land. We were supposed to watch him grow old. But none of that happened.

Yet, here we are. Still pursuing our goal of farming despite its tragedies and because of love. The love and passion Ralph had for his animals, his land, and the people he served were passed on to us. His charisma and devotion was something you couldn’t help but catch if you were around him.

Even when the markets drop out, a stubborn cow finds a hole in the fence, when we wish the farm ran on a 9-5 schedule, or the worst happens – we will never regret choosing to farm. It gives us everything we need. Time with family and friends, lessons for our children, a home and community, and a respect for God.

I want to know a little bit about your family. How did marriage change you as a person? How did becoming a mother change you? Any surprises along the way?

Fun story, my husband and I met in Washington DC at a leadership conference through FFA. I was from Ohio and just completed my Sophomore year of high school and he was from Missouri and had just graduated high school.

You want to talk about God bringing us together.

This was the first year my FFA chapter had gone to this annual event in decades and this was Jeremy’s last chance to go.

This conference is offered something like 8 different weeks in the summer, with two hotels for each week, with like 500 kids in each, with those divided into like 30 groups.

And we were there during the same week, the same hotel, and the same group. I will let you do the math on the odds.

One two-step and a swing dance later we found ourselves long-distance dating for 3.5 years. Until he moved to Ohio after graduating from college. Then we waited another 2.5 years before we got married.

I had the education to finish and I was worth the wait. He thought so too.

We have been lucky to grow up together. We developed as individuals and as a couple in our time together. That makes it difficult to tell how marriage changed us. What I will say is we appreciated our time together. We didn’t live with each other before marriage so getting married wasn’t just a formality. It was a change. But a natural one that felt right and comfortable.

What did cause a larger shift was becoming parents.

I always wanted kids, like two, but never saw myself as the ‘mothering’ type. Jeremy, however, was very much into being a dad. It was cute and still is. I love catching him in moments with the kids when he is reading to them or playing with them.

It is very attractive and makes me love him more. It also has made me love being a mother. I am now a person who is ‘give me all the babies!’ just pile them on. Which came as a surprise to me! Even with the three that we have now, who are very close in age, and the chaos that comes with it, I still would love more.

Each child, not only my own, is such a precious gift that is full of purpose and potential. I can’t imagine life without that possibility. Which is why, now more so that I am a mom when I see my students who struggle with home, or a child mistreated, or hear of abortion, my heart physically aches knowing what could or should be.

It has also caused me to have a greater devotion to Mary. I love thinking about her as a mother. I love looking at my kids with her in my heart and wonder what it was like to watch Jesus learn how to walk. Did she laugh when he caught a cat by the tail, did she run across a room to fish something out of his mouth, did she hold him and pray for him to fall asleep when he was fussing and she was tired? How did she help form his faith? Did she have patience? Did she feel that same mix of love, wonder, and sadness that all mothers carry?

She helps me every day by showing me how to love her Son and in turn my husband, children, and community. I’m far from perfect but she helps keep me on track – or at least prevents me from going completely off the rails. Motherhood is hard.

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