Gardening has taught me so many lessons in life.

I want to give you some quotes from famous people regarding gardening:

I think the true gardener, the older he grows, should more and more develop a humble, grateful and uncertain spirit. – Reginald Farrer

A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all, it teaches entire trust. – Gertrude Jekyll

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. – Greek proverb

Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace. – May Sarton

Introduction

We are one week into fall. As a result, the weather is changing. It is getting darker earlier. The leaves are changing color. In conclusion, it is time to start pruning the garden.

I have been a city boy for most of my life. Therefore, buying a home with a garden was an experience in itself.

We moved in the summer when the flowers and everything in the garden was blooming. However, little did I realize the work involved in maintaining it.

The first year I noticed the grass on my lawn going brown. A neighbor told me he sensed it would be white grubs.  Grubs are larvae of beetles and attack the roots of turfgrass.

Since the home was barely new, the builder had put the sod on the original mud rather than a thick layer of topsoil. As I drove around the hood, the best grass was that which was growing on a thick layer of topsoil.

I took the easy route. I went to a construction site. They were offering free topsoil. It was a weed-infested. Guess what no grass showed up but weeds.

Last year I ordered a whole truck of topsoil. I ordered the best grass seeds. For three weeks in September, I mixed the seed and the topsoil. The lawn looks the best in years.

Lessons learned

We need to build our lives on a solid base. Character is important. Discipline will take us through the hard times.

To have a great garden you must have patience, a nurturing spirit, and a willingness to sweat. Nature provides the sun we provide the water, fertilizer, and hard work. To have a career or to excel in anything, you have to work hard.

To see a small seed become a sprout, a plant, and then a tree that gives fruits and flowers is so encouraging. In the same way to see your project, your kids, or a friendship blossom into something is going to be encouraging.

The garden will go through a cycle. Life has its trials and tribulations. There will be things beyond our control. Mother Nature is a formidable foe when she wishes to be. Drought, wind, insects are some of the challenges. Better to approach an uncertain world with an open mind. Stay flexible.

In the backyard, we had a big sumac tree. What was the couple thinking planting in the backyard? I found out the hard way. About 20 feet away from the tree, shoots started coming. It was destroying my grass. Sumac is an aggressive plant and can take over a garden. It took me a whole month to cut the tree and its roots. Keep aggressive, toxic, and nosy people at a distance.

I love perennials. They show up every year. Make sure you have friends like that. As Debbie battled cancer it was the loyal friends who showed up.

Annuals are planted every year. They look beautiful for a reason and for a specific season. Sometimes, we have people like that in our lives only for a short time, for a season, and for a reason.

The garden hose has many choices; focused, mist, spray. We need to encourage a million times, love a billion times, and rebuke but rarely.

Pruning is very important for the plants and at the right time. When we focus on the simple and the practical, life turns around. We embrace change and allow our lives and hearts to grow. Change is a constant factor in our lives.

Flowers and plants that grow in the desert and in a milder climate cannot be grown here. Different soils, ph. levels, weather patterns all have an impact. All our five fingers are different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Focus on those and have fun. Comparing yourself to someone else will lead to disaster. Accept the fact the world is unfair and monetize skills differently.

I do not grow fruits or vegetables. My mother-in-law grows them. Potatoes and carrots teach what you do not see matters. Pass on the glitz, glamour, volatility, and the unpredictable in your life.

The result of the garden is the choices you make. People can be flowers in your garden or weeds. Pluck the weeds to let everything grow.

You need a bunch of garden tools. Axes, carts, cords, fork, footwear, hoes, rake, spades, shovel, trellis are some of the tools to be efficient. Education along with practical sense, humility, gentleness, kindness, patience, unconditional love, and emotional intelligence goes a long way in being successful in real life and in the workplace.

We can never be experts in every field. Ask for advice read books. Learn from other people’s mistakes. Go ahead and blossom where you are planted.

These are some of the life lessons I have learned from gardening.

The post Life Lessons From Gardening appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Over the last eight months, as I take care of Debbie as she battles cancer, I get a lot of compliments. Oh, Jerry, you are so patient, kind, gentle, compassionate, such a great father, we only wish more men were……..

I smile because most of these people who make these comments never knew me as a teenager.

For the first 12 years of my life, I drove my two female cousins crazy. I was sent off to boarding school. At St. Andrews, in grade 8, I and a friend of mine went into the girls’ dormitory and lit a whole bunch of crackers. The principal could have barred me but she did not. Every morning she would play badminton with me and my friend.

In grade 9, this same friend and I broke into the kitchen late at night for food. My friend turned the whole cauldron of soup. The principal had every reason to disbar us. She made us assistant prefects for a whole dorm. One late evening while all the boys were asleep,  I tied the pajamas of all the boys together and my friend was flicking the lights. I am sure parents complained to the principal, but she never gave up on us.

In grade 10, the frogs were brought for us to dissect on Monday. On Sunday we broke into the lab and I started grilling the frogs over the bunsen burner. This SAME friend decided to mix pure silver with hydrochloric acid. Next thing I know the whole lab is on fire. My mom got a big bill.

There are countless other things we did. The principal never gave up on us.

Today as my dear friend who trades metals, another prefect who lives in New York and import clothes and another prefect who is in San Fran, we talk and laugh on Whatsapp. We made it this far because the principal never gave up on us.

I met Sara in the youth group as a private school brat, spoiled, opinionated, hubris, and super righteous. Sara always laughed, listened and just loved me unconditionally. I honestly believe that I made it through all those insecurities because of her just being there for me.

Sara is the third person in my Women of Wisdom series. Women of Wisdom have been around since the beginning of time. If you look at Jewish culture Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, Miriam, Deborah, and Esther come to mind.

None of the women in my Women of Wisdom series are perfect. They have been chosen because they have been at the top of the mountain and at the bottom. They have been deep in the tunnel and have come out on the other side. They have scars.

Here is my call to action. Read this interview a couple of times. Think of a bete noire or an outlier you know. They are wired differently like me. Reach out and love them unconditionally.  Has someone made a difference in your life? Reach out to them and thank them. How about has someone hurt you or just disappointed you? Forgive them. You will feel empowered and free.

Sara, welcome to my Women of Wisdom series. NO PRESSURE.  Please introduce yourself to my global audience?

Hello Jerry.  It’s lovely to chat with you. And I’m certainly honored to be asked to this Women of Wisdom series.  I’m guessing your readers are looking for information and a perspective they cannot get by googling these topics, but rather lived experience.

Who am I?  I’m introspective, a thinker, a problem solver in a quiet way. I’m driven by a deep desire to understand humanity. I deeply believe there are no throw-away people.  Everybody matters, everyone counts: whether they can contribute to society in a given moment or not.

I often see people as buried treasure, the latch to the chest locked by shame, grief, trauma. I walk beside them until they are empowered to open the chest, work through the debilitating fear, and live the lives they long for.

When I was introduced to Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and the concept of nonviolence, I felt I’d come home. Mutuality? YES, power alongside instead of power over? YES!

I had my fabulous 65^th birthday last year.  I was born the 3^rd of 7 in a small farming community in the Midwest USA.  2 weeks after my 7^th birthday my mom died of a brain tumor leaving 4 bewildered children and a heartbroken husband with a farm to run.

After 35 years as a minister’s wife and on the staff of churches from 30 – 1500 members, I now co-own In It 4 Life Counselling and Education. I am in private practice with both online and in-person clients. I’m a Registered Professional Counsellor RPC with the Canadian Professional Counsellor’s Association. I’ve had over 10,000 client hours.

I have a B.Ed. from Harding University in Searcy, AK and teaching is still my happy place.

I have both in-person clients and those I meet via video conferencing in the UK, Europe, and across the breadth of the USA and Canada. I mentor a Graduate student in Clinical Counselling in Manila, Philippines, and in December I initiated a mental health project to train 6 HOPE Worldwide Philippines staff in mental health tools.

I’m a Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist®. In the last 2 years, I’ve become connected with 2 of the Aboriginal foster parents’ societies in Vancouver, BC where I live. I equip foster parents and staff with tools to unravel the tangled emotions associated with loss and trauma and move forward with hope and purpose.

This summer I was privileged to be on the team that edited the online Helping Children with Loss workshop and was the first Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist® in North America to deliver the program.

The deeper I get into the human mind, the more I value each person’s story. Anyone in the nadir of despair.

Two years after graduating from high school, my best friend committed suicide. I had no clue what mental health meant or was. Please explain what is mental health?

Jerry, how very difficult it is to have a friend who died by suicide. Those are often the moments our minds circle back to trying to find the meaning. How? Why? Could I have done something? How could I not have known?

Of course, there isn’t one answer to this question. But I’ll explain mental health the way I describe it to my clients and their families.

Mental health refers to our state of mind, our perception of events. Our sense of well-being both within ourselves (Me) and in the social network of our lives (WE).

Do you remember the movie, The Princess Bride? Do you remember the dark foreboding Fire Swamp with rodents of unusual size and lightning sand ready to destroy the unwary? That is the experience some have when they explore their own minds and behavior. Their thoughts are bewildering, their behavior inexplicable, and seemingly unchangeable. They do not make sense to themselves. They are living in the black hole of despair and life on their regular life street seems a distant memory.

They feel as if they are in a bubble separated from others; that they are invisible, even immobilized.

Our thoughts revolve around three worlds: our past, our present, and our future.

In mental illness, we view our past as unchangeable and negative. We do not hold positive memories of love or the small successes that make life meaningful. Instead, our minds often circle whirling in a painful, endless story of hopelessness and failure.

In our present, we live in a state of fear and anxiety. We have a deep belief that we cannot effect change in our own lives.

As we consider our future, the squirrel of our anxious mind jumps from branch to branch collecting fear dreams and worry nuts hoarding them close inside us.

Let me explain. As we consider our future, our anxious mind seeks and collects disturbing possible futures. Our mind bounces from imagined scenario to scenario leaving our body with elevated heart rate, higher blood pressure,  short shallow breaths.  Our thoughts race in circles, but go nowhere.

As I get older, I realize that there are biological factors like genetics and brain chemistry. But trauma, abuse, and family history also play an important role. For brain chemistry, we can take drugs but to deal with trauma and abuse we need psychological help. Help me understand what this psychological help is all about?

I also believe that Psychosis and altered states of reality do exist that require medication and care by a psychiatrist or psychologist.

As a mental health counselor, I’m the guide who walks alongside the client; empowering, equipping, resonating with tender empathy. I do not come with my own agenda but rather seek to help my clients find the path they long for.

Counselors are more like the physiotherapists of the mind. We help the client find and practice new ways of thinking and seeing themselves and the world around them. Then we guide them in the work of building new pathways in the brain so they can strengthen those new paths.

There are so many magazines on physical health, makeup, financial health but the psychological, emotional, and mental health gets ignored. In so many cultures it is a taboo, I am so glad in Canada we talk about it. In your practice what are you seeing these days and how talking about it helps us and our families?

Jerry, so many people rushed into my mind at this question.  Slow down brain….

Now in the days of social distancing due to Covid-19, I’m seeing some positives and some deepening challenges.

I see people looking for help for what they describe as a hollow emptiness in their chests. A sense of alarming aloneness does not shift even when with people. This sense of panic occurs when they have not developed secure attachment as children. This secure sense of self can be developed and strengthened at any age. But it is more and more common these days.

I also see unresolved complex grief often caused by a series of painful losses in a short period of time. These losses have overwhelmed their ability to recover, leaving them immobilized or even believing they are irrevocably broken as people.  There is a very important difference between believing you have done something that you feel bad about and believing that there is something inherently wrong with you as a human being.

I have mixed thoughts about talking about mental health needs.  Jerry, who we talk to makes quite a big difference. I find young people often rely on their friend-group for advice and support for mental health issues. I have seen this lead to teens taking on the trauma of their friends even when they have not experienced the trauma.

In Helping Children with Loss by the Grief Recovery Method® we teach adults to lead the way. To model emotional honesty. Our children imitate this and learn that their uncomfortable emotions are welcome in the family. They don’t need to stuff them away in their hearts or block emotions with drugs, sex, video games, etc. But rather their heart, their pain, and their grief are held with respect and honor.

Let’s talk about family. How did marriage and motherhood change you as a person? After four decades of marriage, what are you still learning about this institution?

My mother died of a brain tumor within a couple of weeks of my 7^th birthday, leaving 4 lost confused children, ages 12-2, and a grieving husband with a farm to run.  I never had a Hollywood fairy tale idea of marriage or family.

What I did have is a childhood shaped in the arms of a rural community, faith community, and the neighbors on RR#1 who kept an eye on us. Through all these experiences I formed a picture of what a secure relationship looked like. I dated, had my heart thoroughly broken, learned some tough lessons about myself, and landed in a more grounded place determined to lead with my head, not my romantic heart.

42 years later, I’d say it was a pretty good place to start. Head over heels in love, with my feet firmly tethered to reality. We suffered a lot. Learned a lot.

Then, 12 years ago my husband starting having medical symptoms. At one point I foresaw the very real possibility that he would be disabled or even die.

It was a watershed moment for me. We had been very close, able to communicate about most topics. We even worked together. We didn’t like the uneasy edgy feeling of tension between us and resolved issues fairly quickly.

My eyes opened in a painful moment of personal clarity. I needed to form a clearer picture of the ME in WE. How would I make a living? What did I think about topics of faith, social issues, racism, politics? The man who had stood by my side was now facing his own battle and was not always available to me.

He survived, but he is in nearly constant pain. He went back to school, earned a Master’s degree. We both shifted out of the ministry. I started my own business. Our relationship grew richer & deeper as the ME and YOU grew.  I’m still learning to be more HONEST and to invite his honesty.

So that’s what I’d say, Jerry. We’ve tested the edges of our trust in each other and found we can tolerate, and dare I say even enjoy much more than we imagined. We can disagree, fight through differing opinions and NOT agree and it’s still OK. I once thought the goal was the unified US, but now see the energy & growth that comes from being YOU and ME.

A 27-year-old woman wants to get married. Tell her some of the qualities she needs to look for in a man?

So, to a 27-year old woman I’d say:

You’ve probably suffered already in relationships. Had your heartbroken. Lost your confidence. 30 is now on the horizon.

Are you feeling CONFUSED and intensely alone as you try to figure out this thing called love? Your married friends and family offer advice and try to set you up.

You feel yourself pulling back as soon as a guy gets close to you. Or frantic when they don’t answer your calls.

You have your list, like an order from Starbucks, extra HOT, a bit of sugar, no caffeine. Ha!  Did I just make a joke?  Seriously though, already by 27, your walls might be 2 ft thick ready to protect your heart from pain.

As difficult as it is, turn your mind and heart gently towards your own emotions. Seek some support, work through those painful experiences, and learn a new path to love.  It will clear your relationship blocks to see the person you want to connect with.

It’s an ancient truth. Falling in love makes you a little bit crazy, so keep your head in the game.

Do you enjoy talking together? Does he listen, really listen to you? Do you like listening to him? Does he irritate you? When you’ve had a rift, a break in connection, can you mend the relationship? Not bury the pain, but actually repair your tender connection.

Do you recognize the patterns you find yourself in, as Dr. Sue Johnson describes? Find the Bad Guy, Flee and Pursue, or Freeze and Flee?

And then there is Honesty. I can’t say enough about honesty. We hide a lot of our inner selves; the risk feels too big.  Yet our security builds when we speak the truth and gather our courage and invite our beloved’s truth.

You had three men in your house on a minister’s salary, how did you manage it all? I am sure there were sacrifices involved. Help me understand those sacrifices?

I honestly don’t remember the financial sacrifices. We ate well, took some trips to see family, went to Disneyland. The greater sacrifice was time together. The ministry then was nearly 24/7 and I’ve made achingly heartfelt apologies to my kids about that and the many moves we made where they left good friends behind.

A very dear friend of mine, his wife would go on a shopping binge because of her mental health. What can we say when we notice some signs that something is not OK in our family members, friends, or colleagues?

Did you ever hear or even say these words?  What’s WRONG with you!?!  Our friends, co-workers, family members, behavior can be bewildering to us. Or we think it’s just not our business.

A few years ago, we got a call from someone saying they needed a sub for a volunteer position. My husband took the call. Then immediately called me to the phone.  “Something’s wrong,” he said giving me the phone.

Within 5 minutes, I called the spouse to the phone and explained to them how to access emergency mental health care through their local hospital. “Now,” I said, “Drop what you are doing and go right NOW!” This person was diagnosed with a serious mental health condition and spent nearly a year recovering.

I long for every person, every church, every family, school, club to be trauma-informed. When you are trauma-informed you gently ask the question: What happened? Did something happen, my dear friend, sister, brother, co-worker, that you are having this behavior. Shopping, drinking, isolating, enraged. What happened?

What’s happening to you when you want to go shopping? Do you feel something in your chest, your heart, your hands, or your head?  Do you feel hot, cold, empty, jittery?  Can you recall the first time you felt like this?  It is scary to feel like this?  Whew, does that ever seem big? Can I help you to get help?

When we notice changes in patterns of behavior, think backward, and do a quick life review.

Grief and loss accumulate. I know of people who have some early childhood trauma and losses. Some disappointments early in life; didn’t get on the team, didn’t get into the college program they wanted. Then a hard-romantic breakup in their teens/20s, then get married and find out their spouse hid something from them: debt, cheated on them while dating, things like that, then they or their wife has a miscarriage, then their Mom dies and they just can’t pull life back together.

And that’s when the shopping, alcohol misuse, pornography use, gaming misuse, taking things personally and become easily hurt, emotional withdrawal or bouts of expressed anger creep up.

So, when you see something, go deeper. Seek help for the deeper needs. Behavior always, always, always makes sense. Its the normal response to abnormal circumstances.

Life happens…stress, family issues, divorce, death. Grief is not easy. I have lost two of my best friends in the last 3 years. And sometimes I prefer if someone just listens to me or says they love me. I do not want to hear pat answers. Give us some advice on how we can communicate better when someone is going through a tough time in their life?

You are asking an important and relevant question. Nearly every client I have has some wounding moments caused by well-meaning comments.

In the Grief Recovery Method® we talk about some deeper concepts that help guide our words when another is suffering.

Walk with me through this scenario:

Imagine a woman dies with 3 children and 6 grandchildren.

One family lives next door and grandma babysat the kids after school, creating a warm inviting haven for the grandchildren.

One child is estranged from the parent because of a fight when they were 20 and has not spoken to the parent for 30 years.

One went to University in Berlin, married, and has lived in Europe all their lives. Seeing their parents only from time to time.

Picture, if you will, all of these families arriving for the funeral. Oh my! How many different kinds of relationships are there? How many regrets, losses, longings, grief, unresolved, and undelivered communication are there in the room?

Imagine the grandchildren growing up with very different experiences with grandma.

As much as I wish we could, we simply CANNOT know what another person is experiencing in their loss. Your feelings, thoughts, and experience when your grandparent died belong uniquely to you.  And so, it is with your friends.

A gentle “I love you,” “I can’t imagine what this is like for you.” “I’ll wash your dishes,” will likely mean the most to the grieving person who is living in the daze of new grief.

I loved coming to your place as there was always good food. Thanks for being patient, kind, gentle, listening and being empathetic towards me. How important is it that we eat good food but also eat as a family?

Aww, thanks, Jerry.  Feeding you was our way of saying you matter and you are welcome at our table and in our lives. Listening to diverse perspectives over dinners with friends opened my mind and heart. The flow of conversation exposed my sons to the broad kaleidoscope of human experience; opening empathy & curiosity for all of us.

I’ll emphasize the gift of cooking together. Both of my sons are the main cooks in their own families. And no, my husband still doesn’t cook….SIGH..but now he does dishes – a gift of our older years.  I still get calls from the boys, “Mom… Whatcha making for dinner?” Although now I’m often asking them for recipes.

I know you are a woman of deep faith. Walk me through how you came into faith, your story, how does this faith sustain you. Also, help me understand one or two challenging things you have faced in your life and how you overcame it

This is an excerpt from a conversation I wrote between GOD and myself over a decade ago. Perhaps it will give you a window into both suffering and healing.

God to me:

“You are perfect.  I delight in you.  I have known you in your darkest hours when you thought life was not worth living.  I walked beside you that dark night.  I cried out with you when you curled inward holding in a pain so great you felt your body would explode.  I held you in my arms and rocked you to comfort you.  I hold your pain in my arms.  I added my voice to yours in the park when your grief reached the heavens.

And it did, my daughter. I heard from you. I hear from you.

I stood beside you when shattered dreams lay in brightly colored shards at your feet.  I know your hopelessness.  I felt it when my Son hung on the cross.  I watched you as you lay helpless on beds of pain and my love enfolded you with warmth.

I knew the risk I took creating man with the capacity to feel so deeply.  I only gave that gift to humanity.  Only then could you know love – the bounty, the gift.”

Me to God:

“I see the path – the red thread throughout my life.  I’d left so many things outside your grace as though my decisions could move me away from you.  It’s not done until my death and I’m alive.

I had to hit unscalable walls in order to know it wasn’t my work that saved me. I had to face utter despair in order to see hope, grief to know peace, sin to see salvation pure and true.”

I am a big believer in peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion but you have to practice forgiveness and gratitude to move forward. What are your thoughts on this?

I stand on the shoulders of giants in this field. Forgiveness, I find, is an exquisitely intentional action that is completed once with forethought and determination, then repeated every time the offense comes to mind. Forgiveness is an act of my will and decision bathed in the grace given to me, to set myself free from the prison of hatred and pain.

Faith or no faith…life happens. Too many Christians buy into the prosperity gospel even though they do not say it openly. They want the perfect house, the perfect spouse, the perfect life. They forget suffering. We need to embrace it. agree or disagree

Where did we EVER get the idea that having faith meant avoiding suffering?

We want to be happy all the time and then there is joy. We can be joyful in every circumstance. Please talk about this and also how does social media impact us?

I recently taught a class about helping children with a loss to staff and administrators at a private K-12 school. As I discussed the needs of the children before the session, one staff member shared a frequent topic in the staff room. Is perhaps the greatest detriment to happiness the expectation of constant happiness?

If when the challenges of life happen, we have no place/no space for our pain and sorrow to go then who do we talk to?  Who understands?

On the other hand, when mourning is welcomed, modeled, normalized, and held with tender care, children learn they can ride the wave of suffering and come out the other side. YES, it will come again and again. And YES, they will be turned upside down by the current, but they will not be swept out to sea.  That is what we need to teach our children.

Joy comes with perspective. Joy walks softly in awareness of the journey we all must walk.  Joy comes in quietness. Joy in generated from the inside out.

Photo Credit: Jina Hong

The post Sara Felushko: Registered Professional Counsellor (CANADA) appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Covid-19 has changed our lives forever. I will never forget September 11, 2001. As I entered the office, I had all kinds of plans and goals. I was getting married in 11 days. I wanted to make a few stock and currency trades. Stockbrokers around me were joking that some drunken person had driven his Cessna plane into the twin towers. I was surrounded by computer screens showing me all the trades that had happened overnight. I then looked at the television and saw the second plane hit the tower. It was the defining moment of my generation that changed our lives. The market crash of 2008, left its harsh marks forever. In my short life, I have seen the fall of the Berlin Wall and Apartheid. Both have made the world a better place. I have seen SARS, Ebola, and Bird Flu.

I was looking forward to 2020. My daughter was turning 16 and I wanted to surprise her with a trip to Eastern Europe. We have been traveling since she was young and had seen the whole of North America, Central America, Caribbean and Western Europe.  I was also interviewing for a dream job.

The news about Covid-19 hit the news around the same time that Kobe Bryant died. A lot of us dismissed the virus. Even at Canadian airports, just a basic check was being done on travelers coming in.

In January, my wife got diagnosed with cancer. In February she had a mastectomy. The quarantine hit in March. All my plans got squashed.

The first thing I am learning is that I am not in control. I cannot control the disease that is ravaging my wife, I cannot control my daughter, I cannot control the economy.

The second thing I am learning is to appreciate life. I had taken life for granted. I had taken my wife’s health for granted. I am learning to appreciate my family.

A lot of people have asked me how am I doing. I am focusing on being grateful. It is that gratitude that keeps me going.

Finally, I am slowing down. I am taking it one hour, one day at a time.

I have asked bloggers from around the world to share what they have learned through the Covid-19 crisis.

Name: Sharon

Blog: Dailydream360

I thought I had this self-isolation thing down before the COVID-19 crisis started. I thought I already work from home and live alone, so how hard can a COVID-19 lockdown be? Here is what I discovered about myself and my business during the lockdown.

Discipline and Schedule: One of the most important things for me was maintaining my productivity and daily schedule. Even when I had no client work or with website traffic at an all-time low, I made sure that I set aside time to sit in front of the computer and get some job done. I made sure that my schedule also included time for Yoga, a workout, or even a walk around my condo to get to 5,000 steps a day.

Change of Scenery: I can’t complain about my condo size, I live in an 1100 sq. ft.  However, I found early into the lockdown that sitting in my office too long made me go a bit stir crazy. Being self-employed, I used to go to a workspace, coffee shop, or even the library to change my location. During the lockdown, I created a standing desk at my Kitchen island and moved between the office and kitchen to do different work tasks. When the weather warmed up, I created a beautiful outdoor work area on my balcony to take out my laptop and sit and do some writing or other administrative tasks.

Getting Out of My Head: The curse of the self-employed person is the dialogue in your head all day. I didn’t want to spend all the time working and worrying about what was going to happen. With no clients and the doom and gloom online, I had to distract myself from the news. I made sure to find activities I can do to entertain myself. I bought puzzles to work on over the weekends, read many books and participated in several cocktail hours over zoom with friends.

Name: Liz

Blog: Mindingmythirties

COVID-19 taught me the importance of slowing down. I didn’t realize how much I needed to catch my breath and decompress. I was constantly rushing from one thing to the next and this forced quarantine really taught me to redirect my energy in a more sustainable way. It also served as a good reminder of what’s truly important – the things we cannot replace – like our health and mental well-being. The markets crashed and most people lost some money, myself included, but I’m beyond thankful for my health. And no matter what happens in the economy – I need to put that first and foremost. Because without it all the money in the world is useless.

Name: Lyosha

Blog: lyoshathegirl

The biggest lesson I have learned is to slow down.  I live in a megapolis with 12 million people and everyone is rushing. The pandemic resulted in everything getting canceled and my schedule was empty. I like to rush, I like being busy and want my calendar filled. I watched the fashion week on a laptop with my puppy. For the first time in 5 years, I was not working on my birthday. It was fresh. But at the same time, this lesson of keeping it still, canceling the crazy life around you is not a lesson I truly want to share.

We need to take advantage of the time and opportunities we have. We think ‘I’ll go on vacation when I finish this project’, ‘I don’t want to go anywhere to see my family because I am tired from work’, ‘I can’t find time for the gym yet’, ‘I’ll have it done next week’, ‘I’ll wait for better offer’ — familiar, right? I didn’t go to visit my grandmother because I wanted to have some rest. I didn’t cut my hair because I thought I had plenty of time.  The pandemic closed our borders. My grandmother’s condition got worse and she does not recognize me anymore. I have stopped waiting for a better moment to do stuff.  Life is unpredictable, the future is unknown, the only time you actually have is now.

Name: Kimmy

Blog: StoryTale

2020, the world was looking forward to this new decade with space travels for the commoners when the pandemic hit unexpectedly. Not once in my lifetime nor in my mum’s lifetime did we witness a global economic halt on such a scale. People were rampaging through supermarkets to fight for the last roll of toilet paper. Insanity couldn’t even begin to describe it.

The bitter moments in life only make the sweet ones even sweeter. Throughout this storm of madness, I witnessed the best in people around me. Friends that were willing to share their last box of face masks, strangers that stood in the streets to distribute toilet paper rolls…All these are hilarious, yet heartwarming.

Who’d have known a year ago that one roll of toilet paper can let you see through a person so well? Not only was this a chance to learn about people around me, but it was also a chance for me to get to know myself. Am I willing to share in such desperate times, not knowing if I will have enough for myself?

What I have learned from COVID-19 is to give, even when times are tough. We live in a collective society. By helping others to contain it, you are helping yourself. I think that’s a lesson many countries learned the hard way.

Name: Stephanie

Blog: Mama Shark.

When they first announced we were going to be under a stay-at-home order for 2 weeks, I immediately felt anxiety creeping in- what was I going to do at home with my kids for 2 weeks???

Now we’re nearly 4 months into being at home, and while I am very excited for some sense of normal to eventually return, I’ve learned some things I didn’t expect:

1. My kids don’t need to be given things to do all the time. Sure, it’s nice to have a plan for something fun, but a routine that includes time for them to be creative is ok! They actually enjoy it, and we’ve ended up with some fun daily activities- like dance parties!

1. It’s really nice to not have to rush as much in the mornings. My kids are morning people, so we’re still up early, but not having to push them to get ready quickly has been nice.

1. It’s okay to not pay full attention to my kids every time I’m in their presence.  Now, I’m not saying it’s okay to ignore my kids, but I’ve realized that the pressure I felt to always engage every moment is not necessary.

Name: Matt

Blog: Digital Sages

Overall, I’ve generally discovered that less really can be more- though I’m still very ready to get out of the house eventually!

One glaring issue that the COVID-19 crisis has shown is the absence of discipline and personal responsibility evident throughout our country. The lack of self-control is staggering, and perhaps a testament to how our society teaches us to constantly defer responsibility and indulge in emotionalism rather than calmly address situations with logic and mindfulness.

We could all do with a bit more awareness. Of the words we speak, of the actions, we take, of what we are thinking at any given moment. It’s clear that there is a lack of understanding in regards to how our thoughts and actions affect other people, and this has never been more evident than in the last couple of months. Runs on stores, people fighting over toilet paper, people losing their minds in supermarkets just because they get called out for not wearing a mask.

It’s not difficult to wear a mask. It’s not difficult to be considerate of other people. COVID-19 has shown that many of us need to take a step back and simply re-focus on the moment and practice a bit more self-control. Higher awareness leads to a happier life.

Name: Jaishree Nenwani

Blog: GetSetHappy.

We can lead a better life when we are not participating in the rat race: 

Prior to the pandemic, in the so-called normal life, we all are busy with rushing to work, spending long hours there, and always under pressure to meet the targets. COVID-19 sidelined all those “targets”, locked down the whole world inside the home, where you got to stay with those people who were mostly ignored while you were busy making money.

We really don’t need too much to live a happy and healthy life.

We have lived through a lockdown. The Shelter, food, water, communication, medicines and education and entertainment were all we had. And we lived quite well with this much. This lockdown has forced us to realize, what we actually need to live our lives reasonably well.

Lastly, I would say Life never stops, it keeps moving. We need to do the same before life slips out of our hands. Live well, enjoy the time with your family, and stay connected with your loved ones. Life is precisely and worth living every moment.

Live. Love. Laugh and this pandemic too shall pass.

Name: Tiffany

Blog: SavingTalents.

One thing I’ve learned during COVID-19 is how to redefine how I measure myself as a mother.  I homeschool my kids, and we always had at least one extracurricular activity out of the home every single day.  We were very busy, but I felt satisfaction at the end of each day because I was coordinating learning and fun for my kids.

I didn’t realize how little I engaged with my children outside of school and activities, however.  Now that we are home all day, every day (as well as with a new baby born in May), I can no longer feel satisfaction in how good of a job I’m doing with my previous measuring tools.  I now have to be proactive and deliberate in my relationship and interactions with my children.

I’m learning that my love languages are definitely not my children’s love languages.  I am seeing a lot of ways where I fall short on a daily basis because I no longer have outside activities that force me to engage with my kids.  By nature, I’m not the most nurturing person – it’s always been a struggle for me.  I love my children, but I could go all day without having to do things with them.  I didn’t realize how much I hid behind our extracurriculars.  This process has been extremely humbling, and it requires a great deal of effort and going outside of my comfort zone.

Name: Vanesh

Blog: TechnoVans

Learned to help more Indian Startups to promote their online business – I helped some businesses to increase their online visibility through my blog Technovans. Many China made apps got banned in India, hence I have spread the awareness of developing our own apps and helped Indian founders, software professionals to promote their apps.

Learned to make more connections to some awesome bloggers – I used the time I save from traveling for my blog. I read a lot in this period and learned how to use social media to increase the traffic to our blog or website. I connected with some awesome bloggers. I got some more guest posts from Twitter-connections to get published on my blog. I have focused more on Twitter to increase the traffic to my blog.

Name: Brenda

Blog: MyAngelsVoice.

COVID-19…I Am So Over It

We all woke up on January 1st 2020….with high hopes of what the brand-new year would bring…vacations we would take…people we would meet. The world was our oyster…but wait a minute…”Stop the Press!” Our world as we knew it was no longer within reach…and frankly getting farther and farther away from our grasp.

Working for surgeons…this is what I do everyday…. well…. our world stopped because elective cases were at a standstill…it was eight long weeks before surgeries slowly began again…finally a small bit of normalcy.

For me personally…what I’ve learned from this pandemic is that COVID-19 has only amplified the need for people to pull together…to realize how fragile life really is and how easily can be taken away. That material things…well are just material things. I have a love-hate relationship with the face masks that I wear every day but will continue to wear until it is safe not too…because it’s not just about me…I’m wearing it for you.

Name: Nadia Malik

Blog: SpeakingOfCents.

Most of us have been adapting to the new normal as a result of Covid-19 and if I am completely honest it hasn’t been easy. Being a mom and an online business owner, I have struggled with several things but here are some things I have learned during this time. Being organized with my personal life and my work is super important in order to create harmony and balance. Being productive with the small pockets of time in my hectic routine has brought positive effects. I have become better at switching quickly between my mom’s duties and work commitments. I have made my peace with the fact that there are certain things in my business that cannot continue at this moment and I have to pivot and find new ways to grow my business. I have learned many new skills that I would have never tried if it was not for this pandemic. Learning to adapt is my biggest lesson during Covid-19.

Name: Jessie

Blog: Bright-Eyed & Ginger-Haired

I think I speak for a lot of people by saying that this whole year has kind of been a blur. I can’t believe that it’s already July honestly. Just four months ago I was living over 10,000 miles away in West Java, Indonesia teaching English with the Peace Corps and now I’m sitting in my childhood home waiting for this whole thing out so that I can hopefully return someday. I guess the main thing that I’ve learned throughout this entire experience is that nothing is permanent. No matter how set you may think your plans are, things can always change. I’ve also learned a lot about patience and acceptance. Even though this year has been completely different from how I pictured it would be, accepting that this is my life in this moment and in this season has been incredibly beneficial on my mental health and overall productivity throughout quarantine. It has also been reassuring to discover that just like my time in Indonesia, this crazy period in our lives too will pass. It may be a long time before things are “back to normal,” but it will pass and we will enter another season.

Name: Hope

Blog: UndertheMedian

Like most families with a houseful of kids, over the years our schedule had become overburdened with activities. Although each of them seemed to be adding to our lives in at least in some meaningful way, when taken as a whole, we often found ourselves running daily from one commitment to the next. We were six people, existing in the same space, yet not connecting in any meaningful way.

Suddenly, the clubs, choirs, and classes were gone. Even church morphed into a socially-distanced, on-line event. Overnight, we had T-I-M-E for each other. We went for walks and bike rides, played board games, and imparted faith and encouragement to one another in a way we hadn’t for many years.

COVID-19 taught us that in order to connect as a family, we need to carefully consider the events which fill our days and nights. Today, we have prioritized, paring back our schedule, leaving breathing space and downtime. We are more balanced, more aware, and more intentional. We are a better family because of the lessons we learned during COVID-19.

Name: Scott DeNicola

Blog: www.dadontheedge.com

COVID-19 has not been easy on anyone but it has taught us a valuable lesson on the importance of family and slowing down to enjoy each other’s company. We all lead a very busy life and my house is no exception. I work a full-time job, run a web site, and in the evenings work a personal shopping and delivery service in my surrounding area. My wife works full time and my oldest daughter attends college and works part-time and teaches dance. My youngest daughter is in high school, on the varsity kickline team and dances 4 nights a week. Needless to say, we are rarely all together in the house at one time for anything other than sleep. COVID-19 has forced us all to remain together for several months and we’ve enjoyed having dinners together and going for walks and bike rides around the neighborhood. It has taught us that in the end, the most important part of your life is right inside your four walls and under your roof. That is and always will be your immediate family.

Name: Ronita

Blog: Erraticrantings

I wonder if anyone can use the words “lockdown” or “viral” anymore without shuddering. People already have and are continuing to pay a huge price for the coronavirus. Migrant workers have been forced out of cities, hospital doors have been closed to the less fortunate, people have died on the streets. We may never know their stories.

Our minds are longing for a return to normalcy. But the biggest lesson of all is that nothing can be worse than returning to normalcy. That’s because the pre-coronavirus “normal” with its capitalism and casteism, its religious fundamentalism, its indifference to suffering, its prejudices, and ignorance is what led to the inability of coping with the crisis. We have built this doomsday for ourselves.

It is time to realize that our pre-pandemic ways of living do not measure up to the situation of the world anymore. There are costs associated with the choices that affect people around us, knowingly or unknowingly.

I have realized the importance of trading some of my freedom for the greater good of the public. I have learned that there is never only one answer to a problem and that there are more alternatives than we allow ourselves to see. Covid-19 is an eye-opener. It has offered me the chance to reassess my actions of the past and put in the effort, in my capacity, to help build a better society, a new normal.

Name: Sonia

Blog: Lifewithsonia

I have learned a lot from Covid-19 and the chaos that came with it. I never really understood what it meant when people say ‘Sonia, count your blessings’, until now.

We live in a world where everybody is comfortable with complaining and getting angry about things that don’t matter. To point where we forget to appreciate every moment of the beauty of having to breathe the fresh air of life itself.

I count my blessings based on the fact that even with a medical condition, I am alive, healthy and strong. It was a bit confusing because I did not think the Royal family, Presidents, Politicians, were untouchable. COVID-19 has made me realize it doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are, taking care of your health is vital to achieving anything in life.

It has been the wakeup call that I needed to stop complaining about the things I want but can’t have. And start appreciating the little things basic things that I need and have more. Such as making my health a priority as well as protecting people around me, spending time with family and close friends. Doing what I love more and maintaining a positive mindset.

Name: Amanda Griesbaum

Blog: Followingisidore

COVID-19 has been an interesting time.  While its impacts haven’t seemed as great in our rural community, it has made a few things very clear: I love living in the county with a big yard and space to let my kids run and play (people in apartments/small spaces/no yard, how did you survive?!), I really don’t need to run everywhere and, I don’t care for virtual learning as a teacher-I thought keeping kids engaged in a classroom was hard!

The biggest take-away for me, however, is that I really did enjoy working from home and being available for my family. I always saw myself as needing to work outside of the home.  I love to work, solve problems, and feel that excited push toward a goal. Now, I realize there are other options that will allow me to keep those feelings and still have an income as I prioritize my family and our farm.  This knowledge is an incredibly exciting/terrifying shift in what I thought I needed.

That realization has motivated me to start an online-based business. That way I can DO what I love and take care of WHO I love how I want to.

Name: Lina

Blog: thecaffeinatedintrovert

Prior to COVID, our world has been a constant go go go.  But then COVID-19 happened to force us all to stay home and practice social distancing. With the sudden shutdown, we HAD to slow down. While it is very scary not to know what we don’t know, it has been a great reminder to me to slow down. We do not need all the material things we once thought we needed, we don’t need to eat out every week or even every day and we don’t need to feel the need to do that next big thing.

I am a nurse and it did not slow down for me at work. As with most of the world, we had to shift gear and develop protocols in a constantly
changing environment. And continue to learn every day.

The biggest thing I learned about myself during this time is I needed to slow down and take care of myself. As a mom, nurse, and self-proclaimed workaholic,  I am so focused on others’ wellbeing. I have been making self-care a priority for me and it has definitely helped me get through those tough days.

Name: Jayshree

Blog: literarygitane

I am getting to know my family more intimately. I enjoy having personal and philosophical conversations with my husband and children instead of mainly discussing their work or course selections and sports schedules. We go on hikes, we bake bread and pull weeds together from the garden beds. We are discovering joy in the mundane moments and we have become more contemplative and introspective.

On my daily walks, I am discovering the beauty of my neighborhood that I had taken for granted. I stop to appreciate the papery scroll-like texture of the bark of birch or to observe a bunny hopping across the length of a lawn. I don’t have to travel far away to see a spectacular sight in nature. Beauty and love are not elusive ideals but can be found in the most unremarkable moments.

I now understand that we cannot control everything in life and that our days on the planet could be shorter than we might realize. I have learned to embrace uncertainty. When normalcy returns, I hope I will never return to that frenzied pace of living but take time to smell the roses. Covid-19 has changed my outlook and made me realize that what matters most is a connection with my near and dear ones and with nature.

Name: Cindy

Blog: Cindygoesbeyond

This is what COVID19 taught me. Nothing, not even a worldwide pandemic, can cage me or stop me from living the life I am creating.

Yes, it changed my travel plans. I adapted by coming up with new ways to explore my world, from creating a backyard paradise to establishing monthly road trips to places I’ve not been to, within 150 miles from home.

And I’ve enjoyed spending time with my grandchildren after stay-at-home orders lifted. It’s a confusing time for children as well, with the school year ending early and an uncertain fall reopening. We’ve had deep and meaningful conversations around all that is happening in the world and I treasure those talks.

COVID19 helped me clarify my desires and intentions. It’s helped me to define what I do and don’t want in my life. It’s shown me the importance of maintaining my health and boosting my immune system. And it’s revealed the strength and resiliency of people around the world.

I’ll certainly remember this year as one of the most unique in my lifetime. We can learn and grow through any situation and circumstance.

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