Ten Skills Required to be a Successful Husband

The headlines roared about the closing of a major plant and as a result, more than 3,500 people would be out of a job. The spokesperson for the company said, “The skill sets of those impacted do not line up with the long-term trajectory of the business”. What has this got to do with being a husband?

After that, another expert commented on the situation. His take was: change or die.

As a result of the announcement, it got me thinking. We focus so much on our lives to develop skills to get a job. What about the skill set to be a husband and a father? Does a school even exist to teach us? Our very social fabric depends on this. Wives eventually lay us off in the form of divorce. Kids downsize us by not wanting to spend time with us.

Men are natural boneheads. We are fixers, insensitive, visual, and selfish. These inherent qualities do not help us in the role of a husband.

When I first got married, I thought I had arrived in heaven. All my problems are resolved. Marriage is a very expensive place to find out who you are. The spouse is like a mirror. The weaknesses magnify. It is a relationship where you learn by trial and error. You learn as you move along.

Some have a false idea that if they marry someone who practices a certain faith or same ethnic background, it will be different. However, all statistics point in the other direction. Study after study shows that it is no different.

Fatherhood has its joys and its challenges. In a marriage, you change from focusing on you to us. The equation changes with children. The shift in family dynamics brings its own ups and downs.

When I come home tired, I just want to switch the TV, eat and just chill. Jean wants me to play. She wants me to listen to how her day went. She wants me to comment on her paintings. Debbie just laughs all along. Most times, it is fun. Sometimes it is all about self-denial.

Change or die rang in my ears. Modern men have to develop a whole set of soft skills. For instance, listening, patience, kindness, gentleness, communicating, cooking, helping with chores, and changing diapers. For those with strong patriarchal backgrounds giving her importance and equality is important.

Here are some important skills to develop to be a husband:

• Show appreciation
• Listen
• Do not interrupt
• Do not flirt
• Have boundaries
• Be intentional
• Make your marriage a priority
• Watch your tongue
• Validate her emotions
• Be aware of your body language
• Be disciplined
• Say ‘I love you’ daily
• Be open to change
• Be kind and compassionate
• Support her dreams
• Character, character character
• And finally, remember what Nathaniel Bonner said ‘No amount of success is worth personal failure at home’.

End of the day, both roles have made me a better human being. It has made me a balanced person. It has changed my view on life. Jean in all her innocence says I have to become a better listener. She is only 17 years old. I have a long way to go. Children just speak the truth.