Appreciate Each Others Differences
I am in my 25th year of marriage. I am reminded of Michelle Obama, who said that “Our greatness comes when we appreciate each other’s strengths, when we learn from each other, when we lean on each other”. I make mistakes all the time in my marriage. Antoine de Sainte-Exupery reminds us that “One man may hit the mark, another blunder; but heed not these distinctions. Only from the alliance of the one, working with and through the other, are great things born.
As we approach Valentine’s Day, love your spouse, treat her with respect, give her a big hug, and appreciate that she is different from you.
Appreciate your partner
I am having dinner with Debbie, Brian, and Sarah two weeks before my wedding.
Brian was the minister who was going to marry me. This was an opportune time to pick his brain.
Brian was a decade older. We did not have much in common. We had our disagreements. He was married for a while. I did respect him because he had a great marriage. He adored his wife.
Brian, what is the secret to a great marriage? I was expecting the following answers:
– Go to the e-harmony website and look at the 29 characteristics to have to be successful
– Pray together
– Spend quality time together
– Do not go to bed angry
– Keep the fights clean and the s.. dirty
– Be sensitive to her
– Just humble out and say you are sorry
– Build a triangle with God being the third
All of the above were great points. However, he surprised me with “enjoy each other’s difference”.
To be honest with you, I did not take what he was saying seriously. I was focusing more on the wine and the steak. I was excited about the wedding.
After the honeymoon phase, things were becoming clearer. I was type A, Debbie was type Z negative. I was a hardcore disciplined individual. Debbie thought that word was Latin. I made 3 months 1 year and 5-year plans, Debbie flew by the seat of her pants. I was outgoing and carried my heart on my sleeve, Debbie was the stiff upper lip Scottish.
She forgave easily. I did not know how to spell forgiveness. I did not have patience, she had all the time in the world. I was prideful and full of myself. She was humble, down to earth with no pretensions. The big one. I was born in a home surrounded by about 10 women. Debbie was raised by her dad. She brought the toolbox into the wedding. I was brand conscious; she did not know the difference between a Toyota and a Mercedes let alone between a Chateau Laffite Rothschild and a Chilean Red. Enjoy each other’s differences, I said to myself. Easier said than done.
It finally hit me what Brian said. Did he give this advice to every couple who asked? He probably knew both our temperaments. No matter what it was wisdom?
It made me look at life differently.
Rather than seeing Debbie’s shortcomings, I just appreciate that she is different. It makes me understand why we are in each other’s life. Opposites attract. Marrying someone unlike you is exciting and challenging. Marrying a clone is boring. It also helped me to appreciate my own past and why I react the way I do.
The home does not have to be pristine clean every time. We do not have to be perfect. It also helped me get off the performance-driven treadmill.
It has helped me in my friendships. I do not get upset or angry just because someone disagrees with me. I am glad someone has another angle. It is ok to be friends with a tree hugger or a left-wing hawk. I need to have compassion for that 40-year-old legalist, who has never had a job, lives at home but sends me countless emails inviting me to all these life-changing events. It is his way of doing things.
It has helped me in my business decisions. Being emotionally intelligent help, you make rational decisions. I might look at a business from a pure momentum play. Another has a bottom’s up approach. Alternatively, someone has a top-bottom way of doing research.
It has helped me deal with other Christian denominations. It has made me accepting, less judgmental, finding common ground and looking at the heart rather than playing church Olympics.
A friend recently remarked that he has known me for the last 30 years and this is the happiest I have ever been. Another remarked I am balanced.
I am sure it has to do with me getting older, wiser, married and being a father. A big portion of it is “enjoy each others difference”.
I am a strong believer in appreciating each others differences. My wife and I have been married for 25 years, just about half our lives and we definitely have our differences. Musical tastes, political tastes and many other things. Our differences have helped open our eyes to new things in our lives and have helped us grow. When it comes to the tips above I couldn’t agree more with the most important being don’t go to bed angry. We rarely fight, but prefer to say strongly disagree at times. We hear each other out and move on. Great reminder post.
I think it is so vital to embrace your differences in life. Simply because it helps you grow and allows you to learn so much along the way. My boyfriend and I are so much alike yet have enough differences we can learn from each other everyday. Wonderful blog post.
The world would be incredibly different if we were all the same. Those differences keep life interesting and introduce us to new ways of viewing the world around us. My husband and I are polar opposites, so I understand what you were saying all too well! I’m the driven type A individual while my husband is a quieter, laid back person. He’d be happy spending an entire day relaxing with a Netflix marathon while that would drive me nuts and I have to find something productive to do lol
What an amazing post for valentines day. You have a way with words and I cannot agree more with what you are saying. We are all different mostly for the better and sometimes for the worst. We are unique in ways that we only understand. It takes two to come together and build a relationship. Great post.
I think being different and seeing that in people and appreciate it is a huge bonus for any person. it’s the easiest to pull form of steeping into each others shoes
Wonderful read Jerry. So very true each bit of it. Opposites attract and that’s a healthy association. When we look at a new perspective at close quarters every day, it gives us an opportunity to look inwards and learn from the differences and adapt. Be better individuals.
Great advice. It’s easy for me to appreciate some of the ways my partner is different to me such as him being tidier but I’m sure we’d both be happier if I appreciated all his differences more.
It is our differences that bring us together. Great read, thanks for your insight!
Great read! My husband and I will be celebrating 13 years this year! Definitely noting some of your suggestions! Thanks for a great article!
This is excellent advice.
After 9yrs of marriage and 10yrs as a couple, we’ve definitely learned to appreciate and enjoy our differences. A country boy and a city girl fell in love and still going strong.