The headlines roared about the closing of a major plant and as a result, more than 3,500 people would be out of a job. The spokesperson for the company said, “The skill sets of those impacted do not line up with the long-term trajectory of the business”. What has this got to do with being a husband?

After that, another expert commented on the situation. His take was: change or die.

As a result of the announcement, it got me thinking. We focus so much on our lives to develop skills to get a job. What about the skill set to be a husband and a father? Does a school even exist to teach us? Our very social fabric depends on this. Wives eventually lay us off in the form of divorce. Kids downsize us by not wanting to spend time with us.

Men are natural boneheads. We are fixers, insensitive, visual, and selfish. These inherent qualities do not help us in the role of a husband.

When I first got married, I thought I had arrived in heaven. All my problems are resolved. Marriage is a very expensive place to find out who you are. The spouse is like a mirror. The weaknesses magnify. It is a relationship where you learn by trial and error. You learn as you move along.

Some have a false idea that if they marry someone who practices a certain faith or same ethnic background, it will be different. However, all statistics point in the other direction. Study after study shows that it is no different.

Fatherhood has its joys and its challenges. In a marriage, you change from focusing on you to us. The equation changes with children. The shift in family dynamics brings its own ups and downs.

When I come home tired, I just want to switch the TV, eat and just chill. Jean wants me to play. She wants me to listen to how her day went. She wants me to comment on her paintings. Debbie just laughs all along. Most times, it is fun. Sometimes it is all about self-denial.

Change or die rang in my ears. Modern men have to develop a whole set of soft skills. For instance, listening, patience, kindness, gentleness, communicating, cooking, helping with chores, and changing diapers. For those with strong patriarchal backgrounds giving her importance and equality is important.

Here are some important skills to develop to be a husband:

• Show appreciation
• Listen
• Do not interrupt
• Do not flirt
• Have boundaries
• Be intentional
• Make your marriage a priority
• Watch your tongue
• Validate her emotions
• Be aware of your body language
• Be disciplined
• Say ‘I love you’ daily
• Be open to change
• Be kind and compassionate
• Support her dreams
• Character, character character
• And finally, remember what Nathaniel Bonner said ‘No amount of success is worth personal failure at home’.

End of the day, both roles have made me a better human being. It has made me a balanced person. It has changed my view on life. Jean in all her innocence says I have to become a better listener. She is only 17 years old. I have a long way to go. Children just speak the truth.

The post Ten Skills Required to be a Successful Husband appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

Introduction

Tara holds a Ph.D. in professional counseling from Liberty University and has theological training through her Master’s of Divinity in professional counseling from Tyndale Seminary. She is also a Registered Psychotherapist in good standing with the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario and is a certified member in good standing with the OACCPP Mental Health Professionals. Tara’s respectful accepting approach balanced with gentle but firm truths provides a warm and comfortable environment for those clients she supports.

I ask Tara the nitty-gritty stuff about marriage, the benefits of counseling and how to thrive in marriage.

Tara Lalonde thanks for taking the time in your busy schedule to answer these questions. Please tell me a little about you?

I am a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, as well as a speaker and author.  I have been in private practice for over a decade, helping individual adults and couples find life-transforming change.  While I love working with all of my clients, I have been profoundly blessed with being able to openly work with clients who share my faith in Jesus.  In those relationships, I have found Jesus to be very active in bringing clients into deeper and more impactful journeys with Him.

Please describe your journey to faith?

The Lord is so good and faithful to me.  My journey began with Him when I was a teen.  I accepted Jesus as my savior and was baptized at age 16.  It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that He became the Lord of my life, though.  At that time, I realized I could no longer live with one foot in the world and the other trying to follow Jesus.  My way wasn’t working.  I confessed needing things to go my way and turned my control over to Him.

I wish I could say it was smooth sailing from there, but that would not be realistic.  However, He has been faithful to use all of my mistakes and poor choices to move me closer to Him and deeper into surrender.  He has also led me to difficult choices with the intent on teaching me to surrender more and release all control to Him.

One of those choices, that I talk about in my book, was leading me to get a double master’s degree, rather than simply focusing on my professional counseling degree.  What He didn’t tell me was that I was not going to be able to accomplish the full second major because my brain simply does not learn languages well (I later found out I have a diagnosable learning disorder).

You see, to get a second major in Pastoral Studies, as He led me to do, meant taking four Biblical language courses.  I choose Hebrew because I was told it is marginally easier than Greek.  Well, by the end of the second course in Hebrew, I knew I was not retaining it and would not be able to complete the remaining two courses.

That felt like a failure to me and sent me into a battle of doubt with the Lord.  He knew I wouldn’t be able to do it, so why did He push me to take this?  In that place of pain and questioning, God showed up to me and revealed that He is still God, and I am okay.  Failure did not define me and, in fact, He was pleased with me for obeying, even though He had no intention of me ever actually receiving a second full major.  I learned I don’t have to fear failure because God is still in control, and the results of my obedience are up to Him, not me.  I settled with a minor in pastoral and graduated the year after all of my classmates.

This is only one area that the Lord has put me in situations where I am required to depend on Him; for there are many others in my life as well.  Through the years I have learned that it is better to depend on the Lord for all things than to have an easy life that does not push us beyond our comfort and abilities.

Last year I spent two weeks in Cuba and took only two books with me. One of them was yours ‘An Unexpected Freedom: Discover Peace and Joy in the Reality of Life’. Share a little about this book and what made you write it?

Wow, thank you for choosing my book to be one of your two.  That was another area where the Lord pushed me out of my comfort zone to write and publish this book.  Don’t get me wrong, the content has been a passion of mine for many years and is birthed out of this whole idea of surrender and dependence on God.  I just never imagined that I could write a book.

An Unexpected Freedom guides readers down into the valley of dying to self and back up the other side to find meaning, hope, and deeper peace that is not dependent upon life circumstances working out the way we want them to.

Through this journey I reveal the mistaken beliefs of our culture and shed light on how Scripture reveals dying to self, letting go of control to God, and learning to see life through God’s perspective can actually change our lives to become more joy-filled, peaceful, and fulfilling.

Throughout, I share parts of my own story and the stories of others who have also taken this journey.  The intent is to bring to life the possibility that this is not simply something theoretical, but rather a reality that is accessible to readers in our time and even within our changing culture.

I really do live this and seek to live it in greater and greater measure.  As we learn to release more and more of our control, wants, and expectations, God shows up and transforms our negative experiences into times of drawing nearer to Him and sends us on everyday adventures we would have missed had we not had His perspective to see them.

This doesn’t mean we won’t struggle and have pain.  In fact, that is always a normal part of the human experience.  Becoming a Christian and surrendering it all to God doesn’t rescue us from that.  It simply and profoundly changes how we interpret the pain and thus overcome it.  This is the peace that passes understanding that Paul talks about.  Not removal from trails and pain but peace and perspective within them.

You have been a counselor for a while, and you did your thesis on marriage. What surprised you and what did you learn from it?

I think the most profound learning, that is often quite surprising, is the idea that in order to have a fulfilling and healthy marriage, one must take 100% responsibility for their own emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well being.  That does not guarantee a healthy marriage because the health of the marriage takes two people and we only control our own side of that.  But, it does put your own well being and experience of the marriage back within your own control.

This idea is painful for some people.

We want a good marriage and it is often easier to see the faults in our spouses than to recognize and do the work of taking care of our own well being.  In fact, many of us believe it is our spouse’s responsibility to make us happy and whole… remember the famous romantic movie line, “you complete me”.  It is a lovely sentiment but it is absolutely inaccurate and unhelpful and sets us up for a lifetime of disappointment.

God completes us as we surrender to Him and seek His perspective on ourselves and our spouses.  From the place of increasing wholeness with God, we then can love our spouse sacrificially.  This too is pleasing to God, who happens to be our sole purpose in life.  When our spouse does this also, it feels great!  When they don’t, with this perspective, we can be okay anyway.  Our focus is on God’s “well done good and faithful servant”, not our spouse’s.

When they don’t love us the way we want or expect, or even how they should, two things happen.  The first is that we learn to rely on God even more for our sufficiency; He is so gentle and faithful in that.  And, we store up treasures in heaven that one day we will reap the rewards of in ways we cannot even imagine here.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us in heaven!

One of my readers from India wants you to give us five practical points on how to have a great marriage?

Really it is what I have been talking about.  Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your spouse from the place of being loved in return from God in all of those areas.  When we know our God and how much He loves and accepts us, we can love others without requiring them to love us back in any particular way.

Practically, this may mean venting to God about your spouse before releasing them to Him.  Then ask Him to give a new perspective on your spouse and on what you might be doing to contribute to your situation.  Sometimes it really is just the other person, but often we contribute to our pain through how we talk to ourselves about our spouse, what we are not getting, how unfair it is, or how others don’t have it like this.

I recently was finding myself getting so frustrated with my husband and reacting with an intensity that is unusual for me.  What he was doing warranted my frustration, but I was compelled to look inward.  Even if this behavior of his never changes, I cannot be reacting like this.  It is not who I want to be.

So, I took some time in prayer and reflection to see what in me this was hitting.  Even though I have done a lot of internal reflection and growing over the years, I was surprised to find a core wound from my childhood that I had never realized before.  I then sought my own counsel to resolve the mistaken beliefs I had developed from way back then.  I now have been able to release those beliefs and have taken on a more truthful perspective of myself.

The next time my husband does something to hit that button, I may still react, but not likely to the extreme that I had because the root of the button has been discharged.

As we seek to continually take care of and heal ourselves, our marriage experience improves.  When both partners do this, then we get to what God really intended for marriage.  But, we cannot control that part.  Only our own.  And for that, we get God’s rewards, even if our spouse is not able at this time.

Another reader from Malaysia asks how do we deal with unrealistic expectations that we bring into a marriage?

Indeed, we all bring expectations into marriage and many of those are unrealistic.  At the same time, it is challenging because we are not always even aware that we had these expectations until they are not met.

You may be seeing a theme here in my answers.  The best way to work through these is to recognize them within yourself and explore where they have come from.  Are they realistic?  Are they in line with Scripture?  (My spouse meeting all of my emotional needs is not, though it is a very real cultural expectation for many people.)

If you find that you believe your expectation is realistic and in line with your understanding with the Bible (or at least not against it), then openly discuss it with your spouse.  This cannot be with the intent to change them, however.  It is more sharing that you have this expectation and where it may have come from for you.

Ask what they think.  Ask what their expectations are regarding that part of your marriage.  Explore if there could be a way to work together to find a winning solution that both of you can feel good about.

If not, then return to the Lord and ask Him to help you release it or surrender it.  You can also ask that He changes your spouse, but then you must again, return to, but if you don’t, change me.

A simple example in my marriage is that I unknowingly had the expectation that when I was cooking and realized I needed something, that I could ask my husband to go get it and he would if he wasn’t in the middle of something.  When I tried that early on in our marriage, he said no, and may have even been annoyed that I hadn’t checked before starting.

This came as a surprise to me.  I had to explore where that expectation came from.  It was not hard to find, you see, this is how my parents functioned.  But, in my husband’s family, his dad did not do that.  In fact, his mom would often be the one to do this kind of thing for his dad.  So, it was the reverse.  I also realized I probably wouldn’t want to do that for him either in that situation, and that was surprising.

In the end, there was no big agreed upon shift for us.  I simply had to release him from that expectation and then work on my own unwillingness, seeking God’s desire for my character in this kind of situation.

In your marriage workshop you bring out a baby elephant, please tell my audience about it concerning unmet needs?

Ah, the elephant.  I love the example of an elephant.  It can be used in so many ways.  First, elephants are large animals and can seem very heavy and possibly overwhelming.  Feelings can be like that, too.

We also have a phrase in North America about “the elephant in the room”.  This refers to things, that everyone in the room is aware of, but are not being discussed openly.  This too can be how we deal with our feelings.

Finally, in different parts of the world, the elephant represents wisdom, strength, cooperation, and loyalty.  What a beautiful picture of what our hearts and emotions can also represent.

So, I will often use a stuffed baby elephant in my seminars and counseling sessions to represent our hearts and emotions.  Particularly when our needs are not met, our emotions and troubles can feel overwhelming and big, and we may want to pretend they are not there.  In reality, when we attend to them, we find strength, wisdom, new options, and resiliency.

You see, emotions have a great deal of information within them.  This is not logic-based information; that comes from the mind.  Emotional information is highly valuable and God gave us this information source for a reason.  In fact, He says in Psalm 23:4 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”.  Notice it is your heart, not your mind that directs your life.

But there is an interaction with the mind that is needed.  We cannot simply allow ourselves to be driven by emotions alone.  They must be engaged and understood, soothed and respected.

The information of the heart and emotions runs deeper and more powerfully than logic.  So, when emotions come, take time to slow down and investigate what they may be trying to tell you.  Before trying to resolve disputes with your spouse, it is important to take time to explore what you are feeling and what that may be about.  Listen to your elephants!

Some questions you can ask yourself in this exploration are: What am I feeling? Where is it coming from? Am I contributing to the feeling? Am I turning up the volume in some way? What is the truth? What am I afraid of? Is this familiar (have I felt this way before)? What can I control? What do I want/desire/long for? What do I need (from me/God) to move toward my own wellbeing (even when my needs are not being met)?

When should a couple come for marriage counseling? 

There are lots of times when a couple could seek counsel.  For some, it is at the beginning when they realize that marriage is a lot harder than they realized (for it usually is) and they want to gain tools to communicate better.

Others may want to consider counseling when big life transitions happen for them.  Having children, when children leave home, or when it is time to retire are often good times to seek counsel on how to navigate and prioritize your marriage in these new seasons.

Some people seek help when things start to get really hard and they are finding what they are trying is not working.

Unfortunately, many people wait until they are just about ready to give up before coming.  I would suggest, don’t wait that long.  There are real practical tools that you can gain and implement before ever having to get that far.  However, if that is what it takes for you, then know that God sees you and understands that too.

Basically, I and other marriage therapists are here for you whenever you are ready.

How do you balance faith, family, food, and finance with your busy schedule?

Now that is a good question.  In a world where things are going faster and we are pressed to do more, be more, and have more, it is hard to find balance.  My husband and I tend to be quite counter-cultural with this, actually.  We like a life of simplicity, without too much going on.  I am not going all the time or involved in lots of things.  When we have plans on the weekend, we make sure to also have downtimes.

In addition, (and this may sound crazy to most people) I really enjoy the silence in my home, uncluttered even with the noise of music or tv.  My husband will watch tv in the evenings but other than that, we enjoy the quiet.

Though I enjoy food and we like to eat dinner out once a week, I work three nights per week so I don’t have a lot of time to cook.  And, to be completely honest, cooking for just the two of us is not really something I like to do.  So, I will tend to cook large portions that we will eat throughout the week.  It is easier to cook a lot once than to cook multiple times during the week.  It works for us.

With finances, simplicity is key once again.  We intentionally choose to live below our means regarding our mortgage and other financial responsibilities.  We also make it a point to pay down all credit cards each month so we do not have debt hanging over us.  This allows us to be generous with our giving without feeling like we are having to “find” the money.  Having never allowed ourselves to live at the max of our income, this doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice, though we recognize it is in this culture.  The joy of giving abundantly is exciting to both of us.

The post Secrets on How to Have a Great Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

In a few weeks, I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. Twenty-five years. That sounds like a long time, and yet sometimes I wonder where the years went.

Do I have a formula for a successful marriage? No. Am I an expert? Definitely not. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But after 25 years of marriage, I have learned a few things, made plenty of mistakes, and collected more than a few marriage tips along the way.

On my wedding day, if you had told me that within five years, five of the men who stood beside me in my wedding party, the minister who provided our premarital counselling, the DJ, and the MC at our wedding would all get divorced, I probably would have looked at you and said, “Seriously?”

But that is exactly what happened.

That experience taught me something early in my marriage: saying “I do” is only the beginning. A wedding can last a day, but a marriage has to survive ordinary Tuesdays, difficult conversations, financial pressures, children, career changes, disappointments, illness, and seasons when life simply does not go according to plan.

I dated Debbie for nearly two years before we got married. I have to be honest. Some people questioned my choice. But I knew myself. I knew my strengths, and I also knew my gaps. Debbie brought qualities into my life that I needed, and together we began building a life.

Twenty-five years later, much has changed.

On our wedding day, I had hair, abs shaped by playing squash three times a week, working out, and swimming. Today, the hair is mostly gone, the abs have been replaced by a little more blubber, and I find myself in a very different role: caring for Debbie as cancer takes its toll.

That is marriage.

It is not just the wedding photographs, anniversaries, vacations, date nights, and good memories. Those moments matter, but marriage is also about what happens when the tire bursts on the highway.

What do you do then?

Do you abandon the journey? Do you yell, scream, and ask, “Why me?” Or do you pull over, figure out what went wrong, repair what you can, and keep going?

I have learned that marriage is hard work. It is not a transactional business where you keep score of who did what for whom. It requires sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, humor, commitment, and intentional effort.

I think about Debbie having a C-section when Jean was born. I think about her taking care of Jean while I was completing my MBA. I remember the mornings when Debbie would get up at 4:00 a.m. to shovel the snow so I could leave home at 6:45 a.m.

Those moments remind me that marriage is rarely about one grand heroic gesture. More often, it is built through thousands of small acts of love that nobody else sees.

You see successful hockey, basketball, or baseball players and admire what they accomplish on the ice or on the field. What we don’t always see are the countless hours of practice, sacrifice, discipline, setbacks, and repetition that came before the success.

Marriage is much the same.

There is no instant formula. There is no magic shortcut. You get out of a marriage what you are willing to put into it.

And after 25 years, I am still learning.

So, rather than pretend I have all the answers, I want to share some of the lessons I have learned, the mistakes I have made, and the marriage tips I have picked up from other couples along the way.

Because sometimes the best marriage advice does not come from people who claim to have a perfect marriage. It comes from people who have simply learned how to keep showing up.

That is why I am excited to share some advice from Betsy Kerekes.

Betsy Kerekes is the author of Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying and coauthor of 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage and 101 Tips for Marrying the Right Person. Her work focuses on marriage, parenting, and family life, and she brings both professional experience and personal experience to the conversation.

I particularly like the practical approach behind her marriage advice. After all, marriage is lived in the everyday moments. It is how we speak to each other, how we handle disagreements, how we show appreciation, how we make time for one another, and how we continue to choose each other when life becomes difficult.

So, rather than simply giving you my own marriage tips, I thought it would be helpful to bring another voice into the conversation.

Here are ten of Betsy’s favorite marriage tips from 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage.

As you read through them, don’t just ask, “Is this good advice?”

Ask yourself a more important question:

“Which of these could I actually put into practice in my own marriage?”

Enjoy the warm fuzzy feelings, but don’t feel cheated if they go away. Feelings are fleeting. “I like the way I feel with this person” is not enough to sustain a marriage for a lifetime.

People often get divorced because they simply fall out of love with each other. “The chemistry is gone,” they say. It’s impossible to stay madly in love 24/7, but simple reminders of your feelings for each other (past and present) can help keep the flame alive. Read old journals from when you first met. Leave love notes for each other. Make up a scavenger hunt with a romantic prize at the end. The possibilities are endless, and falling in love with the same person can be just as exhilarating the second, third, and twelfth time around.

Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. You can take care of yourself. Know that you will be okay, no matter what your spouse chooses to do or not do.

Knock yourself out of the mindset that your spouse has often done this or that for you, and therefore should always do those things for you. Sometimes that just won’t be possible, and that’s okay, because you’re a big kid. You will survive, even if it means squishing the big spider yourself, pulling the chair over to reach the top shelf on your own, or cooking for yourself. It may mean listening to “Eye of the Tiger” several times in advance, but you can do it.

Make a decision to take care of household issues that really matter to you. You won’t need to nag your spouse about something truly important to you because you will be solving the problem yourself.

Believe it or not, social scientists have studied the question of housework: who does it, who complains about it, and what difference it makes. Study after study shows that women are happier when they feel appreciated for their contributions, and men are happier when they don’t feel nagged. So, if the housework is nagging at you, don’t nag at each other! Just take care of it! And if your spouse takes care of something, say thank you.

Practice giving to your spouse. “I’m getting up to get a cup of coffee. Can I get something for you?”

Anticipate your spouse’s needs. If you notice your spouse’s cup is half empty (or half full, if you prefer), get up for more before your spouse even notices he or she is running low. It will make him or her happy and even bring delight to your own heart when you know you’ve done a good deed. Remember, it’s those little unexpected things that carry the most weight.

Relinquish control of small issues. You will be building up the feeling of teamwork within your home. You will feel a lot less stressed yourself if you let go of the need to win on trivial issues. And you’ll be in a much stronger position to stand your ground when the two of you disagree over something really important.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff, or you’ll drown in it.” In a marriage, it’s critical to recognize the small stuff and to remember what is the biggest: your relationship. Don’t raise your blood pressure because she ate the last of the mint chocolate chip ice cream or because he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle instead of the end. But really, in the little debates, the one who feels less strongly on the matter should simply give in to the other. Keep the peace, and keep your spouse.

Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, even in your mind. If you find yourself mentally rehearsing your grudges, change the subject. Harboring negative thoughts will make you sour.

Have you ever taken a picture of someone right as they sneezed? Those pictures never turn out well. And sometimes when we talk, we say something we didn’t actually mean; it didn’t come outright. Sometimes we’re just having an off day and speak or act more harshly than we normally would. If your spouse does something out of the ordinary, in a hurtful sort of way, he or she may just be having an off day. Give him or her some space and time, and think of that incident as the moment when he or she sneezed as the picture snapped. Throw the photo, and the incident, out of your mind.

Accept the fact that each of you is good at a different set of things and cares about a different set of things.

I hate football season. I absolutely dread it every year. To make things worse, it often begins on or around my birthday. For my husband, however, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Consequently, I must endure countless monologues about quarterbacks, linebackers, conferences, stats, and other information that filters loosely through my mind while I try to figure out what to make for dinner. As much as it pains me to endure this useless information, I know that he loves to talk football, and I’m the only person around, short of an imaginary friend, who will listen even remotely. With your loved ones, you make allowances. That’s just the way it is.

Plan another time to discuss the issue or solve the problem you’re fighting about.

Certain times just aren’t good for arguments. Late at night, right before dinner when you’re both hungry, or when company is over are obvious examples. “Don’t go to bed angry” is not the best advice. Chances are, you won’t be thinking clearly or rationally when you’re tired. Sometimes, it’s better to postpone the inevitable discussion so that each of you can have time to cool off and think out your position rationally. Just remember that when you do return to the war room, be honest, open, and willing to listen.

Sing. We often “get stuck” on a negative idea during a fight. Neuroscience has shown that singing helps us use both halves of the brain. Singing helps you get “unstuck.”

You may find yourself starting off with “These boots are made for walking” or “Any man of mine better walk the line,” but after a while, you’ll be able to move yourself on from the thwarted romance genre to a sappy love song, preferably a duet.

I have friends who sing their arguments or speak with an accent so they don’t take themselves, or each other, too seriously. It also helps them get over it sooner. Try it sometime.

Allow yourself to enjoy your spouse’s surprises. He or she contributes to your household in all sorts of ways that might never occur to you. “I didn’t think of playing games with the children. I was focused on chores, and you created some pleasure in our home. Thank you.”

It’s good every once in a while to do something spontaneous. It keeps the marriage fresh and lively. Be happy to receive such actions and open to doing them yourself. Pay attention, also, to the nonspontaneous but wonderful things your spouse does all the time that you may take for granted. The example in this tip also reminds us to occasionally take a break from the daily grind and to appreciate what really matters.

The post Betsy Kerekes: Ten of my favorite tips from 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

I hate Valentine’s Day. The pressure to buy roses, chocolates, a card, go out for dinner, or cook a romantic meal, with wine, sensual music, and rose petals scattered all over the home to get into the mood…. Ok, wake up reality is here. Busy lives, busy careers, kids’ events, aging parents, and the stress of life is a romance killer.

A new relationship is frantic, enchanting, and electrifying. You do all these amazing romantic gestures towards one another, giddy with excitement, thrilled to know you have found an amazing person that loves you unconditionally and makes you feel special and alive.

However, as time passes by, everything becomes routine and boring. You are in the comfortable stage of a relationship. Therefore, you have to put an effort to keep the excitement going. You do not want to pull away from one another but rather be close. Here are some tips to keep the romance alive in your relationship.

Romance needs gratitude to thrive

In a relationship, taking each other for granted is the poison. Gratitude is the antidote. Gratitude helps you to hold on to your partner and be more romantic. Be grateful you have a partner in your life.

Patience does wonders for romance

We are a generation that was raised on fast food, drive-throughs, upgrading our cell phone and changing a car every few years. Sometimes we bring that same mentality into our relationship. Things are not working; I am too busy and on and on we go. Relax be patient and see how romance can bloom.

Gentleness means you need to practice humility

Try to be kind to your partner. Consider him better. Maybe you do not have to be right all the time, just to win an argument. Be kind and love unconditionally.

Romance loves a sense of humor

Have a funny name for one another. Crack a joke. The use of positive humor is good for intimacy.

Romance thrives on surprises

Do something different this week. If your spouse does the grocery shopping, you do it this week. Do chores around the home as your partner will appreciate it and romance will thrive.

Do things separately for romance to flourish

It is important to do things together. It is critical that you pursue hobbies and interests individually. This will give you topics to talk about.

Focus on the positive in your partner

Is your partner good at something? Tell him. If she is excelling at her job, let her know that. As you focus on the positive qualities of your partner, it will remind you of why you fell in love in the first place. You have the chance daily from morning until night to offer words of admiration, tribute, and affirmation that is valuable.

Buy gifts for one another

Put some thought into this and buy something personal. If your partner likes art and to paint, go and buy him some brushes and paint. This shows you have been thinking about him.

Romance adores compliments and appreciation

After a while, we can take our partner for granted. If she looks beautiful. Tell her. Run your hand through her hair. Kiss her and give her a compliment. We humans need to stay connected and love praise and positive feedback.

Send this post to them

This will send a message that this is what you want them to know and who knows you will get more love than you ever got.

Leave notes in a sticky

Leave a love note on the fridge, in the bedroom, a card or a voice mail. Let your partner know you love them, you care for them, they are awesome and you will be there for them no matter what.  Or just send a nice romantic text to them.

Spend time together

Life is fast-paced and everyone wants our attention. Never make your relationship a low priority. You have to feed it, nourish it for it to grow. The only way to do it is to spend quality time together.

Plan romantic getaways

Once in a while go for a massage together, spend the weekend at a bed and breakfast or just go out for a lovely meal. It allows you to get away and focus on each other and your needs.

Talk daily

You connect when you talk. Talk about your day, what is going on, what is bothering you and what you want from each other for this relationship to grow.

Forgive often

The number one killer of romance is resentment and lack of forgiveness. It builds a wall. Forgive daily. We hurt the people that we love the most. As a couple, it is natural that you will hurt each other daily and very often.

Binge on the weekend

Pick a weekend and plan to do nothing except watch romantic movies on TV. You will feel refreshed, revitalized and closer.

Touch often and be intimate

Intimacy and touch are vital for a long term healthy relationship. Intimacy is nurturing, connecting, being vulnerable, real and communicating your deep desires and issues.

Be positive

Your partner is not perfect. Every human has annoying habits that drive their partner nuts. Never be quick to criticize. Always try to understand where the other person is coming from. Look at every situation from a positive perspective.

Stop pursuing perfection

The number one destroyer of relationships is perfection. Nothing is perfect. Accept the imperfections in life and in your partner.

Let go of unrealistic expectations

Take all your unrealistic expectations that you brought into the relationship and put it in a box. Never ever open it again. He will never complete you. No one ever lives happily ever after. Life happens.

The secret of romance is to give

The people who give the most are the happiest. The secret to living, where romance is thriving is giving. Give it to your partner and make her your number one priority. Go out of your way to make sure she feels secure, loved and wanted.

Kiss passionately

Forget the peck. Forget the short smooch. Make every kiss count with love and passion.

Be naughty

Go for a walk in your neighborhood. Look for spots where you can have a passionate kiss.

The post Maintain the Romance in Your Relationship With These 23 Tips appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.

The Grand Palladium Vallarta Resort & Spa is a lavish, all-inclusive resort occupying a flourishing swatch of the manicured jungle with an enticing private beach, about a 45-minute drive from Puerto Vallarta. The 420 rooms have jetted tubs and furnished terraces and the master suites have outdoor whirlpools. Have a perfect Palladium romance day.

Before you read my review, I strongly recommend that you read my article on how to enjoy an all-inclusive vacation.

My review of this resort will be broken into the following sections:

Introduction

How to enjoy the food at this resort

The Chef’s table

Have a romantic day at the Palladium

Take in all the activities

Do a tour

In this section, I will guide you on how to have a romantic day at the Palladium Vallarta.

I would strongly recommend that you order room service for breakfast. Ask them to deliver a bottle of Moet & Chandon bottle.

After a nice and healthy breakfast go for a walk on the beach. Smell the fresh air and marvel at the beauty of the mountains in the distance.

On the beach, you might even notice a wedding taking place or preparation. Get inspired!

After you come back from your walk, call the Zentropia Spa and book a couple’s massage.

At the spa, have a swim, use the sauna and then head for a massage. Have a light lunch at the spa.

Walkthrough love street. It is an amazing experience.

Check out the zoo and look at the parrots who are in love.

It is late in the afternoon. Go for a nice siesta.

At around 8 pm head to Chef’s Table.

After dinner get entertained by Il Duvo.

Around 10 pm head to the adult section for a nice swim at the infinity pool.

Have a great time at the pool or head to your room. The possibilities are endless. If you want to get married, they even have a chapel. Have a great Palladium romance day.

The post Palladium Vallarta – Romance appeared first on Four Columns of a Balanced Life.