Zenovia Shaw: The Definition of Wisdom

February is Black History Month.

I talk to Zenovia Shaw, a game-changer in society with her love for her family, her people, and her country.

Zenovia, welcome to my series on Women With Wisdom. Please tell my audience something about you?

My name is Zenovia V. Shaw, I am a 56-year old woman, that is passionate about life, family, and purpose. I live in Pickering, Ontario and I have been married for 31 years, I am a mother and a grandmother.  I became a Christian 27 years ago and have not looked back.
I am self-employed as an esthetician, I love people, travel, gardening, and hosting gatherings…I am what you call a total extrovert!

Why is black history month important?

I believe history is history (from all backgrounds/nationalities) and should be integrated throughout the whole year and taught to everyone, however, I am grateful for the opportunity to have February as black history month.  There has been so much given to the world from black men and women and their stories are not widely known by the majority of the population.  Great contributions, inventions, and examples of upstanding citizens.  Things I was never taught as a youth to help develop that great sense of pride in my heritage.  So much of what I saw and heard in society or in the media about black people was portrayed in a negative way.  Black history month provides an ‘open door’ for everyone to walk through to educate themselves in hopes of refreshing their views.

Let’s discuss marriage! Give my audience some advice on marriage, what to look for, the challenges, how to stick through the thick and thin?

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly!  Take more time to focus on the marriage than the wedding.  For the wedding, which lasts for a day, every detail is planned and rehearsed, but too often the preparation for the marriage, which is supposed to last a lifetime, does not get the same level of attention.

Focus on what commitment looks like for a healthy relationship.  Have fun together, laugh, serve God and others together.  It is absolutely fine to say “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me”.  In the marriage relationship, mutual respect, trust, and consideration are paramount.  When disagreements occur, fight ‘clean and fair’.  Once words are spoken, they cannot be unspoken…words do hurt!  Another boundary to never cross is physical harm.

Once children enter the equation, the relationship changes as you focus less on each other and take on the responsibility to raise the children.  For us, life threw some curveballs our way, such as financial or health challenges, to test our mettle.  These challenges have all happened in our marriage.  My kidneys failed two years into our marriage.   Having gone through the stages of dialysis and organ transplantation 18 years ago, I am still going strong with the support of my husband, family, and friends.  It is only for the glory of God.  We as a family hung on to God’s word, prayer, promises, love, grace, and purpose.

We agreed as a couple that there will be no back doors in our marriage if we hold on to these principles.

How has motherhood and becoming a grandmother changed you? What were some of the challenges and what did you learn?

What a great responsibility!  I totally enjoyed every moment of raising our daughter and son, even though our daughter did not sleep through the night for the first 13 months of her life!  It was very exhausting, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep 30 years later.  However, with every stage of their lives (the joys, cuts, bruised knees, colds, chickenpox, hormones, mess-ups, victories, great achievements) I’ve learned to enjoy every minute and still continue to do so.  I understood that God entrusted them to me to enjoy and to teach and train them to know Him.

Now being a grandmother, the emotions of love, adoration, are heightened.   There are no words to describe what I feel for my grandchildren.  All I know is I want them to know how much I love them, how much God loves them and desires them to have a life to the full.

Please give yourself advice when you were 14, 24, and 34 yrs old?

Age 14

Focus on school more and not be concerned about other people’s opinions of you.  Don’t even think about boys!

Age 24

Ask my parents more questions about their lives and experiences.  Tell them I love them more.  Find more meaningful ways to express my love for them.

Give that real estate course another chance.

This is a good time to begin saving for retirement.

High five on choosing to date the man I am now married best friends with for 33 years.

Age 34

No one ever plans to suffer illness in life, but these things do happen.  Face your challenge head-on knowing it is happening for a reason and your experience will not be wasted.  You will be able to help others who will go through the same challenges.

I know faith is very important to you. Walk me through your own journey and what you are learning about it?

I believe full well that God put eternity on the hearts of man.  Realizing at an early age that the void that I felt in my life was not being filled with…the job, money, things, seeking love and acceptance from man, starting my own family unit.  I somehow knew God had to play a part in the true purpose of being.

I, therefore, embarked on my journey to find a deeper meaning for my existence.  I tried church hopping, to see which denomination was a fit.  I became envious of those who had a deep love for God.   I couldn’t understand why I didn’t (or couldn’t) develop that type of relationship.

Social media has given some of the shy types a voice and a presence to express themselves.  It has given those who like to encourage others a platform to reach as many as possible with words of inspiration, pictures of the world around us, greetings, etc. On the dark side, it has been used to hurt and diminish others.

To become a part of a community, I think the key is to become more outward.  Seek to make a difference in some small way.  Focus on giving more than taking.  Beware of the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality.  I’ve found that these principles bring true joy and happiness.

Volunteering is a great way to become part of a community.

1. Serve your neighbors (help with snow removal, mow lawns, rake leaves) especially if they are elderly, widows, or special needs.
2. Visit seniors in nursing homes or retirement homes where loneliness is a real issue
3. Coach a team
4. Teach life skills at a local community center

Rapid-fire…

Favorite restaurant….Benihana Japanese restaurant

Favorite meal…stew chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, salad

Favorite movie…Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)

Famous person to have a meal with…President Obama

What would I ask:

Moses:  How were you feeling emotionally/physically that brought you to the point of disobedience when you struck the rock when you were directed to speak to it?

Jonah:  Why were you hesitant to go to Nineveh?

Paul:  When you were struck with blindness on the road to Damascus, what were your thoughts and fears?

Mary:  As you watched your son as a toddler, what was one thing he said or did that you stored up in your heart?

Sarah:  How did you feel when you were presented as a sister and not a wife by Abram?