10 Secrets to Happiness
Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. – Dalai Lama XIV
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. – Benjamin Franklin
Introduction
Philosophers, scientists, and intellectuals have agonized over the years as to what is happiness. On a personal basis, happiness is not being high all the time or feeling ecstatic, being rich, or sitting on a yacht in Cannes.
When my daughter was young, we would go on long drives and every few minutes she would ask “Are we there yet?” Happiness is not the final destination.
In my opinion, happiness is being satisfied with where you are at in life.
The pursuit of happiness is a goal for a lot of people. From my perspective and life experiences, here are some secrets to achieving happiness and contentment in life.
Never compare yourself to anyone
Our five fingers are not the same. Each snowflake is individual and unique. Every human being is unique and rare. All human beings have strengths, weaknesses, and gifts. Therefore, it is no use comparing your status, wealth, titles, education, or achievements. Each individual has their own story and challenges. Life does not flow the way we want.
Accept life is unfair
The sun shines on everyone. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. That is life. Never fight it. Above all, we are all on this boat called life. On the sea, there will be good days; there will be weeks of high waves rocking you and there could be a hurricane. Life throws all kinds of things at you which can seem unfair at times, for instance.
Practice gratitude daily
I went to a private British boarding school then went to university in Switzerland and now live in Canada. The truth is until I met Debbie I did not know how to spell gratitude. Gratitude is a choice. A person who is grateful appreciates that there is value in something which is extrinsic, cannot put a monetary value to it, and is free. Over the last ten years, I start my day by being grateful to be alive, in good health, Debbie, Jean, my parents, amazing friends, and a great life. In other words, it has changed me and I am not the same person that I was a decade ago.
Forgive daily
This is my biggest weakness. However, if you want to be in any form of a relationship as a father, husband, son, friend, or mentor, you have to forgive. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It is about setting boundaries. We cannot have resentments or want compensation for the loss or hurt caused by others. Forgiveness is not letting people take advantage of you, ignoring the offense, or condoning it. This is a work in progress for me. I have not mastered forgiveness completely.
It is critical to living our lives in love, peace, being patient, kind, gentle, and having compassion. I am by nature impatient. I have a long way to go in being compassionate.
Volunteer and give to charity
Research has shown that giving to charity and volunteering activates the pleasure centers in the brain. When we volunteer our time to an organization it makes us realize how lucky we are. I remember volunteering in the Out of the Cold Program. It really made me realize how lucky I was to have a roof over my head. When I give to charity, it makes me realize, I am making a difference. It gives meaning to my life. Try it. You never know if happiness awaits you.
Do not have unrealistic expectations
If you want to destroy your relationship with your parents, brother, sister, wife, children, and co-workers then you can do it by having unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations are unhealthy because it sets others and us for failure. It is assuming a level of control that we do not have in a situation.
I am a recovering perfectionist. Over the last five years, this is something I have grown the most. It has allowed me to be free. I am less demanding, less judgmental, more empathetic, and loving.
Deal with issues in life
I am a big believer in living a balanced life. The physical, mental, emotional, financial, and psychological self must all be in harmony. We must accept our brokenness. We must be humble and realize we are no better. We all have issues we need to deal with. It could be our ego, insecurities, anger, impatience, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and other issues. We need to face them and deal with them. The more I understand my own brokenness and am in touch with it on a daily basis; it makes me a better human being.
Connect with your family and friends often
Humans are meant to connect. We are meant for relationships. We thrive when we are in healthy relationships. Research has shown that those people who have supportive friends and family tend to be less anxious and depressed.
Over the last 18 months, I have lost four close friends. It has been tough and challenging. However, it is my ecosystem of relationships that have sustained me through this tough time.
Focus on goals
It is important to have goals in every area of your life. Every year I write down my goals. It could be a simple thing like I need to read more books. Goals keep us focused.
Try new things and pursue your passion
Before I met Debbie, I had never gone on an all-inclusive. I just never saw myself as just lying on the beach. I have gone on more than ten beach vacations all over the Caribbean. It has opened up my mind. I have also decided to pursue my passion for becoming a writer. It excites me. I have all these topics that I want to write about. I am focused and passionate about making this a full-time job.
It is important to understand that happiness should not be the goal. It is the byproduct of my doing all the things on a consistent basis. There are times when I have failed miserably. There are times; I have wanted to give up. But I just bounce back the next day.
Good luck and write back to me as to how some of these points have helped you to achieve contentment and happiness in your life.
Photo Credits: Gabriel Silvério, Ben White, Perry Grone Jacob Postuma Allie Smith Chris Murray Felix Koutchinski
Your writing is AWESOME! You rock Jerry. Fabulous joke. I knew you would be a writer, you just had it in you.
Sapphire
I completely agree with your list. Good post.
Loved your post, great advice!
Such great tips! Thanks for sharing
Excellent ways to make room for happiness! You are a writer. Best wishes on the writing journey!
I love all of these Jerry. My wife sounds a lot like yours. She always sees the bright side in everything and is constantly telling me to be grateful for what we have even when those seas are rough and life seems to keep pushing water over the sides of our boat. Just grab a bucket and start bailing water. We spend as much time as possible with family and friends (friends more often due to location) at least once a week. One of my issues that I continue to work on is comparing myself to others. It’s hard not to do as you get older and see where you are versus other people. I think that’s where the being grateful part comes in. It could always be worse and is for so many people.
These were all very good ideas. All of them! I think the one I have to practice the most is accepting things as they are. I find that if you spend a lot of time resenting something and fighting something that you really can’t change then it just spills over into other areas of your life and you miserable. But if you just accept that it is there, you have more peace.
I think gratitude is so important for feeling happy and content. It’s easy to compare yourself to others and feel discouraged but when you think about all the things you have to be grateful for it really lifts your mood.
Last year, we started a family dinner night and it has made a huge difference. I’m working on forgiving this year and gratitude. Both can be hard to do at times. Great list. I love the idea of trying new things.
Great tips! i do believe we live to be happy so it’s essential for life to be as happy as possible
I do believe it is important to be very happy for any person, I think it is why we live. Giving back is the main part of it for me, I think it enriches you a lot
This is an awesome article! Your 10 secrets to happiness resonate with me fully. I like the lively, simple yet beautiful language of your writing. I’m glad you’ve met Debbie who inspired you to pursue your passion.
I consider myself a happy person, even though the most recent wave on the sea is pretty shaking… I have my beloved family for 30 years, and together we can make it in any weather.
Warm regards,
~ Julia
Yes!! I love this article. You are so right forgive daily, do not compare and for sure life is unfair, so try to except this xx
Totally agree with on that, I believe that each and everyone of those points are important to keep in mind
These are all excellent tips. I especially like the one about not expecting life to be fair. Because it isn’t and yet, so many of us to expect just that. If you fully realize that life is sometimes going to be downright mean, it doesn’t hit quite so hard when it happens, enabling you to move on to into effective coping skills instead.
I needed this post today thanks for sharing
I love this post! All very great! Focusing on my goal is something I do pretty often! 🙂
Wonderful reminder to us all! I especially liked how you said that happiness should not be a goal but a byproduct of what we do consistently.
I really loved your post. And I can’t emphasize on the fact enough that how much happiness giving charity brings. And yes it does makes us realize how lucky we are!
Thanks so much for the tips, it’s so inspiring. Lovely
photos. It’s important to do what we love and not stress
too much..
Beautiful advice!
Totally agree with these. Funny how the principles of wellbeing are so simple but so easy to forget to do them!
Practicing gratitude is such a big deal. Celebrating all wins, big or small, really make all the difference.
I tweeted this because I feel like it’s such good advise! Thanks for putting this together 🙂
Awesome post!! 100% agree with all of the points.
What a well written post in these uncertain times. Thanks for sharing it
Great post! Love the idea of trying new things
Great content, as a fellow lifestyle blogger I love reading other great articles. Thank you ~
Focus on goals and try new things are great advice. Focusing on your goals gives you purpose and trying new things is like exploring.
“Accept your brokenness” yes! sometimes we really can’t do anything about it but to live with it.
I love the way you point out not to compare yourself with anyone. This is so true.
There is so much good advice in this post, which I try to follow daily. Some are easier than others, but everything is a work in progress!
Forgive Daily is the one that is currently sticking with me. Don’t just forgive other people. Forgive yourself too.
You aren’t the same person, today, that you were yesterday. You may have made mistakes, but if you owned up to the mistake, it shouldn’t haunt you forever (within reason).
Thanks for the great tips.
Love these tips! Especially forgiving – so important to happiness!
Practicing gratitude really helps us to sometimes forget about ourselves and give more to others and making our relationships better!
Such an excellent post. So many great tips and points made. Thank you so much for sharing. Forgive daily, and practice thankfulness.
Pastor Natalie
Letstakeamoment.com
You have some awesome tips that I need to remember about happiness. I have not been happy latetly and I can tell.
This is a great list!! I need to get back to writing gratitude lists in my journal!
Such a positive and jolting article.