Be Intentional In Dealing With Issues

Being intentional is about taking responsibility, becoming focused, and targeting things that are important to you. In order to become intentional on a daily basis, you have to be clear about what you want to achieve and have a framework about how you are going to achieve it. It is about moving your life in a positive direction, making progress. Being intentional helps you be present, provides you discipline, focus, mission, vision, framework and a positive frame of mind.

On a daily basis be meticulous about your day, be crystal clear on the result, be determined and practice time management, focus on what is important you: friends, family, relationships, your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and financial health.

Brenda runs Ruby Hem Ministries. Brenda is real, vulnerable, and shares openly what she has faced and been through. We chat about how she has processed her experience, being intentional, and how she went about it.

Brenda, I am blown away by what you have experienced after reading your blog. Please share with my audience what you have been through?

I’m a Christian who’s found a true friend in God after having gone through a whole lot in my life, including:

Childhood trauma: I suffered from narcissistic parents who had no love for one another so they couldn’t possibly offer me the close parental bond that children need. Instead, I would be punished with a leather belt and forced to eat certain foods if I dare step out of line. I was also expected to be the perfect child – the one who got good grades and did what I was told immediately, no questions asked

A sexually and verbally abusive ex who also forced me to work on cam and phone lines in the adult industry.

I was sucked into the occult where I worked reading Tarot cards for money.

As if these weren’t bad enough, I was also robbed at knifepoint one night; have been through several traumatic car accidents (e.g. spinning out during a snowstorm in front of an 18 wheeler; breaking my collar bone when we got into a car accident in a blizzard, and spinning around 3 times after being hit by a car and having Tokata airbags).

Walk me through how you overcame these challenges? Was there a process and do we really ever get over it?

I believe I’m still going through the process. It’s going to look different for every person. For me, after discovering that 40 years of avoiding the issues hasn’t helped me at all, I’ve finally found a Christian therapist who’s been able to shed some light on my life. I don’t think that I’ll ever get over everything. However, I do strive to be a better person each and every day. I think that’s a goal everyone should have regardless of whether or not you have mental health issues. Therapy will definitely play a major role here. Journaling also helps me some. I’m still looking to plug in other things to help along the way.

We can trust in God, read our bible, and pray about it. But we have to deal with issues and be intentional. I am sure it is a painful journey. Pls comment?

Right, I’m definitely not saying to not be intentional. In fact, this is something that many churches say. “Oh God will heal you.” “Oh just strengthen your faith.” Stuff like this doesn’t do anyone any good, especially those of us who’ve been through things that are of no fault of our own – which is what PTSD is. If I could be mind over matter and be healed, I’d love for that moment to happen. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in miracles but I also believe they happen in God’s timing. Until then I embrace myself as the person that I am and intentionally work with my therapist to become a better, more healed person.

Talk to me about kindness and how we can change the world by being kind?

Kindness is something anyone can choose to offer to the people around them. There’s a saying, “It only takes a spark to light a flame.” This is something that we see time and time again when people choose to pay the bill for another person, then that other person turns around and pays someone else’s bill and it continues down the line. There are so many ways in which you can be kind (hold a door, let another car out in front of you, do volunteer work) but whatever it is I believe you have to do it and encourage you to do so. At the end of the day we’re all human, why not make this journey through life a little nicer for each other.

You talk a lot about mental health. Why is it important to maintain our mental health?

Mental health is just as important as physical health but a lot of people don’t realize this. One example of this is people who are diagnosed with PTSD and leave it untreated oftentimes find themselves having other issues. For instance, in my case, my entire endocrine system has failed. However, I know a lot of others who have PTSD and have other health issues as well – chronic pain being quite common. This is why you need to take care of your mental health, it encompasses all other aspects of your health.

In your blog, you say get right with God and live for him. Please explain?

According to Romans 3:23, all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. This means we’re deserving of eternal death and damnation BUT (Praise be to God) Christ died for us. Fortunately in Romans 10:9-10 all we have to do is ask for forgiveness, confess that Jesus is Lord, be baptized, and start living for Him. We are then no longer judged and are given eternal life.

What could Christians do in times of COVID?

Christians shouldn’t sit by and idly watch as the world around them suffers. Go out and get involved in helping your community – this could be volunteering at an organization or something simple like paying for the car behind you in the drive-through or holding the door for someone. Don’t be afraid to say hi and be kind to people, we have a hope that non-Christians don’t understand: We’re saved and believe we’re going to Heaven.