What is psychotherapy?

Talk therapy also called psychotherapy is to help people deal with challenges in life, emotional difficulties, and mental illness. Psychotherapy helps a person to make their life better through introspection and healing.

If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it. – Russell Wilson

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road. – Unknown

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. – Fred Rogers

The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about. – Unknown

Introduction

I got the most horrifying text of my life. A very close friend of mine, since college, had passed away on Tuesday early morning.

It is not possible. We just spoke on Monday morning. We were going to have lunch on Thursday. I was teasing him about being the king of Facebook. Also, since his dad was 90, I told him that he would probably outlive all of us and therefore attend my funeral.

After that, on a cold day in March, here I was at the funeral home facing his cold, lifeless body. In addition, a thousand memories since we were teenagers kept flashing across my mind.

The same year in April, a young gentleman drove a van across a street where I had lived for more than a decade, killing 10 people and injuring 16.

Similarly, in July as I was heading to the Danforth for a meeting, another male shot and killed 2 people and injured 13 at a nearby restaurant.

Three incidents in less than six months hit home. Why? Could any of the above situations be avoided?

Life happens

My close friend had issues from a young age. It tormented him. Over the years, I begged him, pleaded with him to get help. In 2015, he lost his job and disappeared. I finally got hold of him six months later and he was putting up a front. In 2017, I took him out for lunch for his birthday. Little did I realize that would be the last time I would be seeing him. We spoke throughout the summer, about his marriage, his parenting and how he felt about living in the basement of his parents’ home.

Above all, unemployed, separated from his wife, alone, lonely, feeling rejected, drugs and booze became his best friends. What stopped him from getting help? Did he not realize the hurt he was causing those close to him and especially his kids?  How come he did not know his limits and boundaries? Why did he not seek psychotherapy?

What is masculinity?

As I think about my friend and the other two men, involved in the killings, I am forced to ask myself, why do men not get help? Is it a sign of weakness? Is it considered macho to just suck up and deal with your issues through drugs, porn and substance abuse? Is this masculinity?

Or is masculinity dealing with our issues head-on, accepting responsibility for where you are in life, being grateful, forgiving and getting help?

I wish the three men would have got help. They could have avoided so much pain for themselves and those around them.

Advantages of getting help

When you go to see a psychotherapist, you get feedback on what you are going through from an objective perspective. Here is a trained third-party individual who listens, gives you feedback on what you are going through.

The second advantage is that you get to deal with your negative past. The therapist might ask you to write down your hurts, resentments, bitterness issues, challenges or just he/she will listen.

The third advantage is that it allows you to get in touch with reality. When you are doing drugs, booze, porn, and sleeping around, these are helping you to escape reality.

The fourth advantage is that you end up in better mental and physical health.

The fifth advantage is that it allows you to get to the root cause of your problems. The therapist gives you healthy coping mechanisms.

The final advantage is that you learn to take it easy on yourself and finally no one is judging you at the clinic. They are all encouraged that you have the courage and guts to deal with your issues.

I challenge you that if you are facing issues no matter what go ahead and get professional help.

Photo Credits: nikko macaspac  Daria Nepriakhina Ehimetalor Unuabona Rhodi Lopez Mayron Oliveira Sharon McCutcheon Melanie Wasser Lorna Scubelek Dan Meyers  Essentialiving Taylor Smith bady qb Bruno Nascimento